Only You Can Save Me
by Trinity23Rose
Summary: Alice meets Jack after the catastrophe of the flight Oceanic 815 from Sydney to Los Angeles. They quickly discover they are bounded by much more than just what they start to feel for each other, by something reaching back to both their painful pasts. Then there's Sawyer, a man Alice hates, but eventually becomes his best friend or maybe there's more to that?
1. Chapter 1

**Description:** Alice meets Jack after the catastrophe of the flight Oceanic 815 from Sydney to Los Angeles. They quickly discover they are bounded by much more than just what they start to feel for each other, by something reaching back to both their painful pasts. Then there's Sawyer, a man Alice hates, but eventually becomes his best friend or maybe there's more to that?

 **Notes:**

It may seem like I follow the canon, but there are a lot of surprises and changes along the way! You'll see!

* * *

Once she regained consciousness and took a deep breath, she started panicking when instead of clear and fresh oxygen her lungs were in a desperate need for, water entered her nostrils, causing her to choke. She didn't know where she was. She couldn't remember how she'd even gotten here. She didn't know where was up and where was down. And then, when the burning in her lungs became unbearable, she realized something with horrification – she was going to die.

Before she sharpened her mind to remember what exactly had happened and why she was where she was, her survival instinct took over and she swam towards what she hoped was the surface and not the bottom of whatever tank of water she was in. It was truly the biggest relief she'd ever felt when she broke through the surface, her mouth opening widely, coughing the water out and taking the much needed breath.

Then it hit her.

Maybe she should have drowned. Out of all the ways one could die, drowning or being burnt alive seemed like the worst to her, but if she'd remembered what had happened when still being immersed in the water, it could've been all over now. Instead she had to live with this agonizing ache in her heart for the rest of her life. She was taking one breath after the other, hating that her survival instinct and fear of drowning had won over the urge to just stop existing, to stop feeling. She closed her eyes, winced in emotional pain and just focused on breathing. Something was wrong, though. The air felt different somehow. It wasn't fresh and crisp. It was hot and humid. And she'd woken up in the water, after all.

Finally, it reached her. The screams. The desperate calling for help. The crying. She just now registered it all with her already overwhelmed senses. And she finally understood. After _the thing_ , she'd boarded the flight 815 from Sydney back to Los Angeles. And the plane had crashed. And somehow she'd landed in… the ocean.

She finally forced herself to look towards the beach that was far ahead and she gasped. Never before in her life had she seen such a dreadful sight. Well, she had in the movies and the news and she'd read about them, but she'd never been a witness herself. She'd never been a part of it either. At least not on such a large scale, she remembered and then quickly forced her mind away from _that_ particular memory. It was ironic, really, to survive a plane crash when… She shook her head and started swimming towards the shore.

With every smooth movement of her arms and legs, she could hear the screams louder and louder. Her eyes filled up with tears as she watched what was happening on the beach. She spotted a man running from one place to another, doing his best to help people. Somebody had to be the hero when things like that happened, she figured and tried to swim faster. Maybe if she helped, too; maybe if she just got down to work and kept herself busy… There were more important things right now than her own grief and she felt bad about wanting to die just a… How long had it been exactly?

Suddenly, there was an explosion and she screamed, registering that she was the one making that sound after a moment. She wondered if someone just died. Apparently, surviving a plane crash wasn't enough. After all the panic and fright, someone had been pulled into the remaining working engine and blown apart. At least the death was quick, she figured.

Once she finally reached the shore, her arms were already tired and she felt dizzy. The commotion was more or less over and now people were just sitting around in shock. The worst had come to past. Now all they had to do was to wait for the rescue team.

When she finally fully emerged from the water and set her feet on the sand, she spotted a figure moving towards the jungle with a bag in his hands. The man was wearing a suit and she recognized him as the one who'd been helping everyone so frantically just a moment before. Next thing she knew, he suddenly stumbled and collapsed to the ground.

She didn't think, she just started running until she reached him and got down to the sand right beside him, turning him onto his back.

"Hey, are you all right?" she asked, trying to assess whether he was injured. He wasn't unconscious, though. His eyes opened and then finally focused on her. "Are you dizzy?" she prompted.

She grabbed the bag he'd been carrying without waiting for his answer and found a bottle of water there, a smaller one half-full of alcohol and a small box with a needle and threads inside. She really hoped he wasn't an alcoholic going into a withdrawal.

"Here, drink this. Maybe you're just dehydrated," she said when handing him over the bottle with water. It was the only thing that came to her mind and quite frankly, it was also the only thing she could treat. Having her own bookshop didn't exactly come in handy on a deserted island.

"Are you a doctor?" the man finally asked when drinking half the bottle and then sitting up slowly.

"No, I'm not."

"Well, it was a good call anyway. I was dehydrated," he admitted.

"Are you sure? Maybe you have a concussion or…"

"No, I'm pretty sure."

"How?"

"Because I am a doctor," he informed her and she was dumbstruck there for a moment.

"Touché," she said and actually smiled.

"Well, if you're here already," he started when rubbing his eyes, "could you maybe help me out with something?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Come with me," he said when standing up slowly and then landing her a hand. For a moment there she was worried that if she leaned on him, he would collapse again, but eventually she accepted the help and stood up as well. He seemed to feel much better already.

"Are you sure it's safe for you to…?" she still tried to reason with him.

"Hey, who's the doctor here again?" he only asked playfully.

"So what that you are? I heard you make for the worst patients."

"True," the man agreed with a nod. "Now come with me. I promise I won't bite."

She actually chuckled at that, desperate to find humor anywhere she could in such tragic circumstances.

He led her further into the jungle until they found a quiet place and suddenly she started having second thoughts about being so trusting. He might've just saved countless lives on the beach, but the bottle of alcohol still bothered her.

And then he actually took off his jacket and started ridding of his shirt as well.

"Wait… Wow… What are you doing?" she asked when coming to a sudden stop. The situation was just so… bizarre.

"What do you think I'm doing?" he asked when looking at her with amused expression.

"Um…" she stopped. "Maybe you tell me," she encouraged, feeling stupid. He really seemed like a nice guy, but his actions were completely…

"I need help with… with this," he finally explained when turning slightly and raising his arm so she could see the wound on his back.

"Oh… God," she uttered, seeing the dried blood that had run down his back and now left a stain below a gaping wound.

"Have you ever used a needle?" he asked her.

Then it all fell into place and if the situation wasn't so tragic and if he wasn't in so much pain – which she gathered from the look on his face that he tried hard to cover up – she would laugh.

"Of course I have," she answered, remembering all those times her sister had come to her to… She shut her mind. She couldn't think about… Not now and not ever. Otherwise she'd just break and this man clearly needed her help. "You want me to sew that up," she understood. "Are you sure? It's going to hurt. A lot."

"Well, I should know. I'm a doctor, after all," he reminded her with a small smile. She was full of admiration for him for being so brave. He was the one person everyone suddenly started depending on when the plane crashed and it was just because of his occupation. He could fix them. And no one probably thought about what he felt and what he was scared of. She didn't even want to think about how much this wound must've hurt him while he'd been helping everyone back on the beach.

"All right," she just said and made her way to him.

"Just like that?" He seemed surprised.

"Did you expect I'd run away screaming?" she teased him when grabbing the needle and a thread.

"Here, for your hands." He handed her the alcohol. So that what it was for, she figured, feeling silly that she'd suspected something else.

She disinfected her hands and then poured the rest on his wound. He hissed in surprise.

"What? Was I supposed to sew the dirt in, too?" she joked and he laughed. Laugher was, after all, the best medication for pain.

"No. It's just that I admire your quick wit," he said then and she immediately noticed his body tensing as she pierced his skin with the needle.

"Ok, I admit that I might pass out at some point," she informed him when retreating the needle and sticking it into his skin again.

"You're doing just fine," he encouraged her. "Just keep on going."

* * *

By the time she was done with the sewing, the sun long set on the horizon so they came back to the beach. They didn't feel like talking after everything that happened that day. Once they reached the crash site, they saw that the rest had started a fire and was now distributing food salvaged from the wreck. She figured she could as well stay with the doctor since he was the only person she knew so far. Besides, she felt safe in his presence. She knew absolutely nothing about him, but there was something in his eyes, in his very person that caused her to trust him and to want to stay with him. He didn't seem that eager to leave her side either.

Eventually, they found a place near the fire to sit and once the big guy – who introduced himself as Hurley – spotted them, he came over to give them some of the food. He even had plastic forks.

"How long do think it'll take before they find us?" she asked her companion and noticed him looking at her with an small, awkward smile.

"I… I don't know your name," he finally admitted.

She smiled back, feeling silly that they hadn't thought of properly introducing themselves yet.

"I'm Alice."

"I'm Jack."

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Jack."

He smiled again. "Nothing bonds people like saving lives and stitching up wounds, right?"

She laughed at that. All in all, she discovered that she felt quite good. Yes, their plane had crashed and they were currently marooned on what appeared to be a deserted island. Before the crash she'd wanted to die, she'd wanted it all to just end and the fact that she'd survived along with so many people… maybe it meant that she survived for a reason even if she didn't know it yet.

"So, Jack, how long do you think…?" she then started to repeat her previous question but was suddenly interrupted by a strange noise coming from the dark jungle.

Jack and Alice both got to their feet like all the others scattered around the fire, coming together as they watched the trees in the distance in horror.

It was because the noise was so bizarre and so bloodcurdling that it didn't seem to belong to any human or animal. It seemed to be… robotic of some kind, nearly impossible to hear in such a place. And then something even more terrifying happened. The tall trees in the distance started disappearing, being crashed, violently brought down to the ground. Nothing could actually be strong enough to cause such a damage unless it was supernatural, which was, of course, ridiculous, Alice thought.

As the thing was moving towards them, Alice found herself getting closer to Jack, pressing her side into his own and then she felt his arm going around her to give her the much needed comfort. She felt a little bit safer with him, even though it was obviously just an illusion since nothing and no one could save her from what appeared to be coming.

And then, as soon as it started, it stopped. They all just stood there, terrified and shaking, feeling odd and out of place with the strange silence that followed.

"Where the hell are we?" Alice asked and met with no answer.

* * *

Somehow they survived the night on the beach, but most of them couldn't sleep. They were too scared that whatever had caused the commotion in the jungle would come back. They'd tried to hide, choosing parts of the plane that didn't have any dead bodies inside, but in the end, even those couldn't protect them in case of an attack.

Once they ate the rest of the food from the plane, Jack decided that he would go to the cockpit of the plane, that had apparently landed in the jungle, to retrieve a transmitter and call for help. After all, they should've been at least located by now. The fact that they hadn't seemed to only make Alice feel more nervous. And now Jack, the one person she'd actually gotten to know on the beach, was about to go into the jungle and endanger himself.

"Jack, wait," Alice stopped him when making her way to him and placing her hand on his shoulder. "You're exhausted. You haven't slept at all and don't you forget that yesterday you helped everyone and then fainted. Oh, and do I have to remind you about the wound I sewed? It's bleeding and I don't think it's a good idea for you to go into the jungle like this. It can get infected and…"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm the doctor here?" Jack just asked her in a more exasperated than angry tone. Something told her that he knew she was right, though, but he refused to admit it. Stubborn, much?

"No, she's right," a balding, older man just said when pointing Alice. "We can't afford to lose the only doctor we have on this island. We have to be on the safe side just as a precaution. We might be here for a while, after all."

"I'll go," a blond, young man spoke. "I have nothing better to do anyway."

"I'll go with," a brunette with long hair offered then.

"Sweetheart, if you want to go, you're gonna need better shoes," the guy pointed out and she shot him an angry look. Alice thought she wouldn't like to be addressed like that either.

Soon enough, the two of them and another blond but shorter guy ventured off into the jungle.

"Do you think they'll succeed?" Alice asked Jack and hugged herself when watching the small group disappear from her eyes. She made the effort to remember their faces so she could greet them once they were back. She really hoped they would. One could never be too careful with all those strange things happening around.

"I hope so," Jack grumbled and sat down.

"Hey, I was right and you know it!" Alice argued when sitting right next to him.

"Yes, I know," he eventually admitted after having drunk all the water from his bottle. "But I hate to be wrong. I hate to be… useless," he confessed.

"Jack, you're not useless. Just look around you," Alice gestured towards the people on the beach, "most of them are alive because of you. I saw you yesterday. I saw how you helped them all."

"Where were you anyway?" he suddenly asked when glancing at her. "I didn't see you on the beach and I'm positive I would remember."

She didn't know what to make out of what he said. Did he just pay her a compliment? In the end, she decided to ignore it.

"I woke up in the water, drowning," she explained when looking back at the ocean and the sky.

"How did you get to the shore?" Jack almost gasped.

"It's all right," she assured him when shifting her eyes back to him. "It wasn't much worse from what all of you had to go through here on the beach. I can swim and I made it. I didn't want to drown. I… on the very thought of drowning I actually cringe," she confessed. "To me it's one of the worst kind of deaths there can be."

"Well, some say it's not, really. Once you let the water into your lungs, it's quite pleasant."

"Yeah, but before that it's just agony and letting the water in… it's giving up," Alice said, looking down at the sand and shaking her head. She'd found out the day before that she wasn't ready to give up just yet. Apparently, her spirit wanted to survive. "Where were you?" she asked him for a change.

"I woke up in the jungle, which is strange."

"And why is that?"

"Because I walked out of the crash with barely one scratch on my back," he told her.

"Oh, I see," Alice said when hugging herself again. Was that even possible? Was Jack just lucky? Then again, what they'd seen during the night – was _that_ possible?

"Excuse me," they heard a female voice just then. It caused Alice to stop pondering over what had happened and to look up at the blonde and very pregnant girl. "You're Jack, right?" she asked.

"Yeah. Is everything all right, Claire?" he inquired immediately, concerned as only a doctor could be.

"I... I haven't felt the baby move since yesterday," she finally confessed and both Jack and Alice exchanged blank looks.

* * *

Alice was relieved that Claire's baby was all right. It would simply be a tragedy if it died and she didn't even have to ask Jack what would happen to Claire then. It wasn't as he could operate on her to retrieve the baby or give her the right medicine to deliver.

The group of three eventually came back from the jungle, carrying the transmitter with them, but informing that it didn't actually work and that there was nothing to salvage from the cockpit. The pilot was dead, killed by the unseen and mysterious monster right after they'd gotten there. That information was enough to unsettle just about everyone and the only good thing that had come out of it all was the found device the Iraqi, Sayid, offered to fix. Maybe they would eventually manage to call for help since obviously it wasn't coming on its own as the blond, taller guy notified the survivors that the plane had apparently gone off its course and if somebody was looking for them, they were looking in the wrong place.

When the group dispersed, feeling more or less hopeless; Jack, followed by Kate – the brunette - went to check on a guy with a shrapnel in his stomach. Alice, on the other hand, decided to find a good and secluded spot so she could freshen up. She was lucky enough to locate her luggage and could now wash herself and change into her own clothes. She refused to look at the picture folded in her suitcase, though. It was too painful, yet she couldn't stop carrying it with her wherever she went.

* * *

 _"Would you like something, miss?" Alice heard the flight attendant asking her._

 _The question woke her up from the memories that kept rushing back into her mind as soon as she closed her eyes. She was really tired of it since it only made her want to cry and she wondered when exactly was the last time she'd sent someone an honest smile. The one she was now showing the flight attendant was only polite and didn't reach her eyes._

 _"No, thank you. I'm good," she told her._

 _"Are you sure?" the woman asked again with care in her voice. She must've noticed the sadness in Alice's voice and she most definitely noticed the red blotches from crying on her face. Alice knew she looked horrible, but she didn't care. In fact, she didn't care about anything at the moment. Maybe it would be better if she just..._

 _The flight attendant was gone by now and Alice was left alone to brood. Then it happened. First, they hit turbulence and then it got so bad that the oxygen masks were released and Alice just looked at her own blankly, having the worst thought - why even bother? Why would she bother trying to survive? What was even the point? She had nothing to live for anyway._

 _The situation only worsen, but she was still just sitting there, not feeling scared at all. She would welcome what was coming with a smile on her face, she decided. She was done fighting. It wasn't as though as she tried to take her own life. What was happening around her was just a convenient accident and she was happy about it. She simply chose not to fight to survive. What kind of a chance did she have anyway? No one would live through a plane crash. Usually, everyone just died._

 _Before the plane broke into three parts, somebody's briefcase fell from the overhead storage and hit Alice in the head. She was long unconscious by the time she hit the water._

* * *

Once all freshened up, Alice found herself wandering over to the two women sitting on the beach and taking idly. She knew one of them as it was Claire who'd come over to her and Jack earlier. She was still happy that the pregnant blonde and her baby were all right. She didn't know the other one, though.

"Oh, hi, Alice," Claire welcomed her with a smile.

Alice reciprocated and sat down on the sand right next to her.

"Have you had any more problems?" she asked when shifting her sight to Claire's protruding belly.

"No, it's fine. I just hope Sayid will fix the transmitter and we'll all be saved soon," she answered.

"Yeah, me, too." Alice only sighed when putting her arms around her knees. She wasn't even sure what exactly it was that she wanted. She simply didn't care about what happened to her anymore and it should be really disturbing, but... she really didn't fucking care. Even if she got back home... to what would she be getting back, exactly? What would she even do with her life? To her it didn't really matter if she stayed or left. There was the case of the mysterious monster (?) that threatened them all, but she suspected that her survival instinct was slowly being extinguished again. Maybe it would kick in once she was in danger… or maybe not…

"Hi, I'm Alice," she turned to the other girl she didn't know. She couldn't really allow herself to be alone with her somber thoughts. It was safer to actually keep herself busy and keep spending her time getting to know the other survivors. Maybe if she made some friends... but then again, they would become strangers again as soon as they were rescued.

"Shannon," the woman answered when shaking Alice's hand. She was sunbathing, which was actually strange, but Alice didn't judge. Everyone coped differently and there was nothing to do on the beach anyway. Besides, she'd wanted to die when the plane started falling, so she should really be the last one to point any fingers.

In that moment a man came over to them. Alice vaguely remembered seeing him with Shannon before, so she suspected he might be her boyfriend. She quickly found out that he was actually her brother. Still, even though he was handsome and she could see Claire's eyes lingering on him, his sight did nothing to her and she actually started wondering whether Jack was still talking to Kate. Not that she cared. In fact, she didn't really care about anything those days.

When Boone approached them, Shannon started arguing with him and he actually pointed out how weird it was for her to sunbath in such a situation. The commotion attracted both Alice's and Claire's attention and they felt awkward witnessing the fight between the siblings. Sayid and Kate (so she wasn't with Jack anymore, Alice noticed) were about to go into the jungle and up to a higher ground in order to catch a signal on the transmitter the Iraqi had apparently fixed. There also seemed to be another problem - the blond guy, Sawyer, had found handcuffs in the jungle and accused Sayid of being a terrorist. In the end, the guys started fighting, but were quickly broken off. Still, even if none of them was the person in question, there was still a criminal among them. Alice was hit with a wave of rushed fear, but then again, why would they attack anyone on the island? They all needed each other to survive and there was nowhere to run with the ocean all around them.

"I'm coming, too! I'm going on a hike!" Shannon suddenly proclaimed and got up, walking away from Boone.

When making sure Claire would be all right, Alice stood up as well and joined the group. She was done sitting on her butt and brooding. She had to keep acting, she had to keep moving. Otherwise she would just go crazy.

"Wait, where are you going?" Suddenly, there was a hand on her shoulder as Jack tried to stop her. "Alice, you heard it, it's dangerous out there. You should stay."

"Jack, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I can't just do nothing. I have to go. I'll be fine, I promise."

"But..." he started again. Why did he care so damn much? So many people was going as well, she wondered.

"We're not much safer on the beach than we're out there in the jungle," she then told him.

"I would go with you, but I really need to stay with the guy with the shrapnel," he started explaining.

"You know, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself," she interrupted him right then and there.

"Alice, are you going?!" they heard coming from the group.

"Just... be careful," Jack warned her.

"Always am," she answered and finally joined the rest, disappearing in the jungle and not looking back even though she could feel Jack watching her. She didn't exactly tell him the truth, but he didn't have to know that, did he? She didn't owe him anything, after all.

* * *

Maybe Jack was right. Maybe Alice shouldn't have come along on the trip. If she hadn't, she wouldn't have witnessed Sawyer shooting a polar bear and wouldn't have seen shaken Shannon trying to translate the message that had been being transmitted in a loop for over sixteen years. If no one had come then, why would anyone come now? They would most likely be stuck on this God forsaken island forever with no hope of ever coming back home. And not even that caused Alice to wheeze heavily as she tried to breathe on her way back to the beach. It was the fact that she was truly all alone. It didn't really matter if she came home or stayed. Still, if she stayed, what kind of horrors were awaiting her? What was a polar bear even doing in a jungle? It didn't take a genius to figure out that it wasn't its normal environment. Oh, and the people she was with had a gun. That was dangerous enough, even if it protected them from the bear. There was also one other thing - all the time she'd spent in that jungle, she'd felt as though as being watched.

When they finally got out of there and walked into the beach, Alice was out of breath and it wasn't because of the trek, it was because she truly started to panic. Was the woman who'd sent that distress signal all those years ago still alive? If she was, she was all alone and probably driven mad. She'd said in the message that they were all dead. That _it_ – whatever it was – had killed them.

The rest already left Alice's side, moving towards the awaiting group, ready to pass on the bad news. It was Jack who noticed that she lingered in the back, barely managing to take another step.

"Hey! Are you all right?! Alice, what happened?!" his voice was actually scared when her legs bent under her and he caught her, causing her to land in his arms.

She could feel her heart beating faster and faster, her body reigned by panic, her mind clouded, dizzy and in the end she couldn't really see anything.

"We're already dead, Jack," she rasped before she fainted. "We're all dead..." And then her body went slack in his arms.

* * *

When Alice came to, her mind registered that the sun was already low on the horizon and that her lips were completely dry, her mouth parched.

Suddenly, there was a bottle of water pressed against it and she grabbed it, gulping all the liquid down.

Then she heard a voice, "You gave us quite a scare there."

It took her a moment to recognize it as one belonging to Jack, her mind slowly breaking through the haziness. She finally managed to sit up and look at the doctor.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I think you suffered from a minor concussion after the crash and then we have to add stress and fear to that equation. Your mind just shut down there for a moment," he explained.

Alice thought about everything that she'd found out that day and then she spoke again when meeting his eyes, "I'm just so scared, Jack. That message running for sixteen years..." She shook her head. "What if we never get out of this island and be killed by whatever is out there?" She didn't add that she'd rather just die right now, painlessly. She wanted it all to just stop. She wanted her life to stop. She felt herself starting to panic again, wondering if she could do it, if she could find it in herself to just take her own life and stop fighting the horrors of it.

"Hey, hey," Jack said in a calming voice when cupping her face and forcing her to look him in the eye once again. "You're having a panic attack. Just look at me, focus on my voice. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You'll be all right." And she did listen. There was something in his eyes and in the intensity of his voice that caused her to calm down. "Are you all right now?" he asked a moment later when she seemed to be breathing normally again, yet his hands did not leave her face just yet.

She found herself hypnotized by his stare and soon enough her heart started beating faster again, but this time it wasn't because of panic. This time it was all him. His touch was burning her and she was pretty sure she was blushing. Then he finally took his hands away and smiled to her.

"Are you ok now?" he repeated.

She could only nod, not sure whether she could lie so effortlessly this time. The truth was that he did help her, but she still wasn't quite all right and she would probably never be. At least Jack made it a little bit bearable for her.

"Come, the others are having dinner. The bear Sawyer killed is just now being fried over the fire. You really should eat something."

"Yes, doctor," Alice said playfully.

He stood up and lent her a hand. Together they made their way to the group of the survivors gathered around the fire.


	2. Chapter 2

Time flew by and they weren't even near figuring things out. It seemed like for now all they had to do was stay alive, just survive long enough. Alice pushed the thoughts of giving up away and brought Jack some food as he was taking care of the man with the shrapnel all the time now and he clearly didn't think of saving himself for a change.

"How is he?" she asked when handing the doctor a plastic plate full of fruit and then sitting by his side.

"Thanks," Jack said when accepting the meal and then he answered her question somberly, "He's not responding to antibiotics. I counted a perforated lung and some internal bleeding and that's just the tip of an iceberg."

Alice truly didn't know what to say to that. The man seemed to be beyond saving, yet Jack wasn't giving up on him, hoping that something would work, hoping for a miracle. She actually felt guilty when watching his struggle. There she was, most of the time wishing she was dead while somebody else was fighting for his life with all he got.

To change the topic, she picked up a piece of paper from a makeshift table.

"What's that?" she asked and unfolded it just when Jack warned her not to. It was too late, though. She already saw the mug shot. What more, it belonged to Kate.

"He had it on him," Jack informed with a sigh. "Apparently, he's a marshal. When he was awake, he told me not to trust Kate. He warned me that she's dangerous."

Alice frowned in disbelief, now actually feeling relieved that it was Kate who was the criminal among them and not someone else.

"I don't think she is," she then told Jack and he looked at her in surprise. "I've spent a day with her when we went to the mountains. She seemed all right. If she wanted to do something to us, she would've done it by now."

"Well, maybe you're right," Jack admitted. "We have bigger problems anyway." He looked in the direction of the tent where his patient was resting.

"How's your back?" Alice asked when standing up.

"Very good, actually," Jack said, looking up at her with a smile. "Somebody sewed it up pretty damn well."

She smiled right back at him and then she put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently before walking away.

* * *

During sunset, Alice heard Jack and Kate arguing near the tent. She managed to make out Kate asking Jack to put the marshal out of his misery, but Jack responded angrily, telling the woman that he wasn't a murderer and then he stormed away.

Alice chose that moment to come over to him. "Jack, maybe you should just let it go," she said gently, trying to speak to his mind.

"I can't, Alice," he answered in a broken voice as he shook his head. "I can't let go. I'm supposed to be saving people."

"But what if you can't?" she asked. "You can't save everybody."

"I have to try. It's my job." After having said that, he looked at her one more time before slowly making his way back to the tent. Suddenly, a shot rang out and Jack looked at Alice in panic. She only reciprocated.

"Kate!" he yelled, but it wasn't Kate who walked out of the tent. It was Sawyer.

"What did you do?!" Jack screamed at him.

"What you didn't have the guts to!" the blond answered.

Before Jack managed to answer him, the marshal started moaning in pain all over again.

"The hell?" Sawyer asked in surprise.

"Where did you shoot him?!"

"I aimed at his heart!"

"Well, you missed!"

Alice couldn't seem to move. She watched Jack coming back into the tent and then the moaning grew stronger until it stopped altogether. She understood that the doctor finally put the man out of his misery just as Kate had asked him to. She also knew that this time it was really too late and Jack knew he couldn't possibly save him.

Once he emerged from the tent again, he was shaking and she ran over to him, ignoring Sawyer still standing there, now in deep shock.

"Jack," Alice started when getting to the doctor, but he pushed her away.

"Not now!" he screamed and only fastened up.

* * *

It was the middle of the night when Jack found Alice sitting alone on the shore, watching the dark ocean.

"I couldn't sleep," she told him once he joined her.

"Yeah, me, too. Listen... I want to apologize. I shouldn't have snapped at you. You were only trying to help. You were right... I... I really can't let go. I don't know how to. Most doctors would've long given up..." His eyes were actually glassy by the time he got it all out and then he winced, trying hard to stop the tears from coming. In the end, he wasn't able to and Alice did the only thing she could for him - she pulled him into a hug.

"I can't let go," he repeated and let her embrace him.

Eventually, both of them parted to go get some sleep when not saying anything. They didn't have to, really. Jack's eyes told Alice everything she needed to know. He was grateful that she was there for him. And she was really glad about that because while she was worrying about him, while she was helping him, she felt like she still had a purpose and she didn't have the time to brood over her past.

* * *

The next day brought an unpleasant task - the dead bodies needed to be taken care of because they actually started to smell. The survivors couldn't possibly dig over forty graves, so Jack suggested burning the bodies at sunset. With a little bit of luck, a plane or a boat could actually spot them and come to their rescue. Alice didn't really believe that, but the task at hand at least kept Jack busy and prevented him from thinking about the previous night. She tried to help as much as she could herself. She really did, but in the end the horrid sight was a little too much for her and she was grateful for the distraction when Claire came over, asking if Jack could lead a memorial service for the dead. He wouldn't do it. Alice by now knew him enough to guess that he would say no. He handled the living best when fixing them. Caring for the dead wasn't really his job anymore.

"Why don't you do it?" he asked the pregnant blonde.

"I can help," Alice offered eagerly.

"Really?" Claire smiled to her brightly. "That would be great."

"It'll be my pleasure. I don't think I can spend another minute among these..." the word bodies somehow didn't want to escape her mouth.

As she began helping Claire sort through all the passports and personal belongings, she spotted Jack coming over to a black woman who'd been sitting alone ever since the day of the crash. Alice smiled when seeing the doctor joining her, keeping her company. Yes, Jack was most definitely better with the living.

* * *

The sun finally set and they started a fire to burn the bodies. Claire took the lead and organized something resembling a service. She didn't know any of the people on the plane, but she did her best to say something about every single one.

Alice couldn't find Jack among the crowd and she really needed him at the moment. _The funeral_ on the island was too painful for her and she wasn't sure she could stay till the end. She didn't want to do it, she didn't want to remember, but in the end she couldn't help the memories rushing back to her.

 _The night had long fallen when she came to the beach to scatter the ashes. She didn't want anyone to see her as she was pretty sure that what she was about to do was illegal. Only she had to do this. It was their biggest dream to visit Australia, to see the kangaroos. And the only way they could do it together now was this_.

 _"I miss you so much," she said. "I miss you every day... I don't know what to do without you," her voice broke._

 _When it was all done, she sat on the cold sand and started crying. She truly had no idea what to do with her life now and how to go on. Alone._

 _Eventually, she stood up and left. She had a plane to catch in the morning, after all. She was coming back to Los Angeles and then... she simply didn't know._

Alice wiped a stray tear from her face. She needed to get away from the fire and the bodies. She finally spotted Jack sitting alone on the shore and decided to join him.

"Are you ok?" she asked when sitting right next to him. She only hoped that he wouldn't tell her to leave him alone. "You didn't come to the service," she then pointed out when he remained silent. A few more seconds later she added, "All right. I see you'd rather be alone. I'll go."

She was just about to do that when he said, "This will sound crazy, but I saw my father in the jungle today."

Alice hesitated before asking, "Was he on the plane?"

"Yes... at least his body was," Jack answered. "He died in Australia and I went there to claim it."

"Did you find it after the crash?" Alice wanted to know, now just feeling confused.

"That's the thing, I didn't. I just saw him standing right there." He pointed a spot not so far away from where they were sitting. "I know it's crazy. I know that it had to be a hallucination caused by the lack of sleep and anxiety. It just... rattled me and I couldn't join the service. I can't bury him, Alice," Jack looked her in the eye. "And I wanted it all to just be over back in Sydney. I can't bury my own father and I just want it to be over."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Jack," she said and touched his hand. "For what it's worth, I know what you're going through."

"Did you lose someone, too?" Jack asked gently. That would explain a lot, he thought. There was something tragic about Alice, some kind of pain visible in her eyes even when she was smiling. He'd actually been wondering about that, but was afraid to ask too soon.

"Yes," she admitted when letting go of his hand and looking at the horizon in front of her. "I lost my entire family in a car accident. I had a twin sister..." she confessed and then her voice trailed off as though she was now focusing on the painful memories. Still, she needed to get it out. She needed to tell someone. "We weren't like most families. We actually liked each other. That day... that day we were going on a trip. A truck came out of nowhere as they usually do... my parents were killed on the spot. My sister..." Alice's voice broke. "My sister died on the operating table because the doctor on call made a mistake. And just like that... I was left all alone. I came to Australia to scatter their ashes because it was always our dream to take a trip there." By the time she finished, she was already crying and Jack wanted nothing more than to put his arms around her, to comfort her, but then he only gasped, her tale stirring something in his memory.

He was finally able to speak after a minute or so. Maybe he shouldn't, he hesitated, maybe it would be better if he didn't. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want her to hate him.

"My father's name..." he started and stopped, then decided to just get it over with. "My father's name was Christian Shephard and mine is Jack Shephard." He could already feel her stilling beside him, but he didn't have the courage to face her just yet. "I thought you looked familiar," he continued, "but then again... that girl was dead and I never looked into the details. I only saw her briefly on the operating table after she died. My father was suspended... I'm so sorry, Alice," Jack's voice broke again. "He escaped to Australia, ashamed… thinking that his family was ashamed of him, too; thinking that he was nothing but a disappointment to us. And he was... he really was... especially to me," Jack confessed it all.

Alice couldn't say anything to that. She was still in deep shock, her heart beating too fast in her chest, causing her to feel dizzy, overwhelmed. She still couldn't believe this crazy coincidence. How come she and the son of the very man who'd caused the death of her twin sister, had been on the same plane? How come he was here with her right now, that they were so close? How was that even possible?

"Alice, I'm so..." Jack started again, desperately wanting to be there for her, wanting to help her, but he knew that in this case it might be crossing a line.

"I need..." she then said weakly, but kept avoiding his eyes. "I'm sorry, I need to be alone now." She raised to her feet and walked away, crying her eyes out.

She remembered the pain... the smoke burning her eyes...

* * *

 _When she came to, she was confused. For a while she thought that she simply woke up in the morning like any other, but she quickly realized that it wasn't the case. Her head felt heavy, aching; her limbs hurt and there was something sticky plastered to her forehead. When she put her hand there and then looked at her fingers, she noticed blood. And it all came rushing back to her. There were screams all around her and the smoke... She sat up on the hard concrete and moaned in pain. Somebody must've moved her here, gotten her out of the car. She saw the wreck a little further ahead and two strangers. They must've stopped on seeing the hit and run on the road and now they were just carrying her sister out of the destroyed vehicle._

 _Alice remembered the truck that had barreled into them and then... nothing._

 _The men brought her sister to her and Alice was terrified because Annie wasn't conscious._

 _"It's all right," one of strangers addressed her then. "The help's on the way. Just try not to move, ok?"_

 _Alice opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Then, finally, she managed to ask, "My... parents...?"_

 _She saw it on the men's faces before they even said it._

 _And then the wreck blew up and Alice started screaming._

 _Later on, she found out that her parents had been dead long before the explosion, taking the worst blow when the truck collided with their car._

 _Miraculously, Alice walked out of that accident with only a few bruises._

* * *

That night Jack had even more trouble sleeping than usual. He was too worried about Alice. He wondered if she would ever speak to him again. Technically, he wasn't responsible for her sister's death, but it was still his father who'd caused it. And he'd seen what his father had been doing, hadn't he?

When morning came, Hurley got to him before he even managed to leave his tent.

"There's... someone... someone's drowning and I... I don't swim!" the big guy informed in an erratic voice.

Jack didn't ask any questions, he just sped towards the ocean and jumped into the water. Eventually, he reached Boone. The moment he grabbed the guy, he heard a woman screaming for help further away. He couldn't possibly save two people at once and he was already hauling Boone, so he made the hard but unavoidable decision to come back to the shore.

Once his feet touched the sand and Hurley helped Boone out, Jack screamed, "We have to go back for her!" He was terrified that the woman was Alice, that he wouldn't be able to help her just like his father hadn't helped her sister; that she was upset when she'd gone for her morning swim and caught a cramp. She was a good swimmer, so that was the only explanation that came to Jack's mind.

"What woman?" Hugo asked Jack with a frown.

"There! In the water!"

"Jack, there was only me," Boone said and Jack stilled, looking at the younger man in shock.

"What?"

"There was no woman," Boone repeated. "I went for a swim after a fight with Shannon and I caught a cramp. That's all there was."

"But I heard..." Jack came to a sudden stop when he spotted Alice approaching them. She wasn't drowning. In fact, her clothes were dry and she looked like she'd just woken up.

"Is everything all right?" she asked in confusion, but then Jack only perplexed her more when he came over to her and hugged her, wetting her clothes.

"Jack?" she asked in an unsure voice when he let her go and his eyes fixed on something in the distance. "Jack, are you all right?" Only he didn't answer her. Instead, he ran towards the jungle. "Jack!" He did not stop.

* * *

He saw him again and this time he wouldn't back off. This time he would go after him and solve this once and for all. He was going to finally face his demon if that was the only way to make it disappear.

When he entered the woods, Christian Shephard was standing there, his back turned to Jack.

"Dad?" Jack asked shakily and then suddenly, the man faced him.

"You have to save her, Jack," he said and when Jack blinked, his father was just gone.

"Save whom?!" Jack yelled, but no one answered him. "Dad!" Then he saw his father again and followed him.

* * *

The day was hard with Jack running away with no word of explanation – even if Alice kind of suspected what or rather whom he'd seen – and with Claire collapsing while talking to her. Alice immediately called out to some men so they would help transport the pregnant woman to a more shadowed place. Once she wanted to give Claire water, she discovered that there was nothing left and she had another brief moment of panic. Another one when she wished she'd died along with her family. It would've saved her a lot of misery, after all.

In the end, Jack interrupted the beginning of a fight among the survivors, coming back and informing that he'd actually found a stream. After making sure Charlie gave a bottle to Claire, Alice retreated and sat down near the shore just like Jack had done the night before. She was kind of hoping he would come to her.

And he did, bringing her some water as well.

She accepted it with a smile. "That was a nice speech about living together so we wouldn't die alone," she said when taking the much need gulp of fresh liquid. "You seem to be a born leader, Jack. They listen to you."

"My father never thought so. He kept telling me that I didn't have what it took," Jack admitted. "I'm sorry," he then added. "I shouldn't..."

"No, it's fine, really," Alice cut in when looking at him. "I am not angry with you, Jack. It wasn't your fault. She wasn't your patient. I saw you with all the people here. I saw how you helped them, how hard you tried. You're kind and good. It wouldn't be right to judge you by your father's mistakes."

"Still, I feel horrible and I felt that way when it happened, too. I wished so many times that I'd been the one on call that day."

"But you weren't and it's no one's fault," Alice told him when taking his hand. "I'm just glad you're here now," she confessed when removing her hand and then looking him in the eye. "You have no idea how much you've already helped me," she then told him. "In fact, I have no idea what I would've done without you. I..." she stopped, wondering if she should tell him the whole truth, but in the end something prompted her to just do it. "I wanted to die, too, Jack. I couldn't stand being left all alone and I wanted to die. When the plane was falling... I thought good, I want to die, bring it on, I just want it all to end. I was the sole survivor of that car accident and somehow I survived a plane crash, too."

"Maybe we were meant to," Jack just said. "And remember that you're not alone anymore. I'm here." He reached for her hand again. "And I'm not going anywhere," he added when looking her in the eye. Then he suddenly realized what his father had told him earlier in the jungle. Shortly after it happened, Locke saved his life and encouraged him to follow his white rabbit that was Christian Shephard. He'd done just that. And his own personal white rabbit had told him to save her. To save Alice. It all made perfect sense now, even though Jack was a man of science, not faith.

* * *

 **Notes:**

I decided to go with Hurley when it came to telling Jack about Boone drowning, because it didn't make any sense with Charlie who – hello! – died in season 3 after swimming into the Looking Glass station. Hugo fitted best. Also, did I plan to name the OC Alice so she would fit into this chapter? Nope. But sometimes things just happen as they're supposed to and the puzzle fits all on its own.


	3. Chapter 3

Alice couldn't sleep. She usually had nightmares about the plane falling down or her family dying, but in overall they were quite manageable. This night they got worse. She dreamt of Annie lying on the operating table, screaming for her to save her, blaming her for what happened, even when it wasn't really Alice's fault.

 _''It should've been_ you _!_ You _should have died! Just give up and join me!"_

Alice woke up with a gasp, bathed in cold sweat. She was breathing erratically, her heart pounding like crazy. Then she covered her face with her hands and started crying. The whole situation was only getting worse and she didn't know how much more she would be able to handle.

Once she cleaned herself up and with no enthusiasm ate some breakfast, Jack walked over to her, suggesting she'd go with him to explore the caves further. She agreed since it could take her mind off the nightmares she'd been having and her past for at least a few precious hours. She so didn't expect to find two skeletons and two backgammon pawns there.

''Our own Adam and Eve," Locke said as they accidentally bumped into each other there and Jack notified that those dead people had actually been a male and a female.

''There are forty six people on the beach," he then pointed out when talking to John. ''We can't possibly bring them all water every day. I say we need to bring the people to the water."

As they were concocting a plan, debating over whether they should give up on signaling fire on the beach and altogether move to the caves, none of them noticed the horrible state Alice was in. She was sitting on a rock, looking into the jungle at... her own sister. Dreaming about Annie was one thing, but actually seeing her was another. Then again, Jack had seen his father in the jungle, too. Was Annie a hallucination? Was she real or was she just a figment of Alice's imagination? Then her sister actually spoke, ''You know you want to join me. You know it, Alice. Why don't you just do it, then?"

* * *

In the end, Jack only managed to bring about half of the survivors to the caves. He didn't push for more when knowing that maybe, just maybe a plane someday would appear in the sky or a boat in the distance and then those who stayed behind would come useful. He might not believe it himself, but others did and that was enough.

He was very busy that day when settling in and trying to find and store more medicine, so he noticed Alice being gone just in the afternoon. It should be nothing to worry about. People took strolls in the jungle or walked to the beach to visit those who stayed there all the time – and Alice could've gone to visit Claire as they really liked each other. Shannon was in the caves, though, Jack realized when thinking about another friend of Alice's. Besides, he just had that feeling in his guts that something was wrong and even though he usually didn't believe such things as being a man of science himself, he couldn't possibly ignore it. His intuition had helped him diagnose patients in the past more than once. Now he just _knew_ that something was wrong.

''Have you seen Alice?" he asked Shannon.

''She went somewhere over there," the blonde pointed the caves further in the jungle. ''I figured she wanted to do some more exploring, but she did look kind of out of it."

''And you didn't think to stop her?" Jack followed in exasperation.

''Jack, after everything she's been through, she might need some time alone," Shannon just said with a shrug. He knew her enough by now as not to feel offended by her bluntness.

''She told you about that?" he prompted in surprise.

''Don't be so shocked. You're not the only one privileged enough to know. We had a girl night on the beach," she informed as though it should explain everything.

''Right." He just nodded and followed the direction Shannon pointed. Maybe Alice did want to be alone, but it didn't mean that she should. How could Jack trust her with that after she'd admitted to him that she wanted to just give up and die? And whatever or whomever he'd seen in the jungle earlier, even if that was only his subconscious manifesting itself in the person of his father, he felt like he really should listen to what it had said and help Alice, like he should save her.

* * *

Alice followed her dead sister along the caves and further into the jungle. When Anne stopped right in front of another entrance that was much bigger than the one the survivors were currently staying by, Alice stopped in hesitation. What could possibly be inside? Snakes? If there were polar bears on the island... Wait, so maybe it was a bear lair?

"Come on in, Alice," Anne spoke just then and the girl in question was too busy looking inside the caves to notice the little wisp of smoke escaping her sister's body. ''I know you want to be with me, Alice," the 'ghost' continued. "What do you have left here anyway? Your entire family is gone. You're alone on a strange island and we both know that you just want it all to end. You know that you were meant to die. Finish the job. Finish what the car and the plane crash couldn't."

In the end, Alice made a step forward, tempted by her sister's suggestion. Why prolonging the inevitable anyway? How many times would she be strong enough to resist the sweet promise of just ending everything? Of not feeling the pain anymore? Of feeling... nothing. Of the blissful rest.

When she stepped into the cave, the ground actually shook a little and she looked up, surprised. It must've been her sister's doing. Where was Anne now anyway? She wondered when looking around. Her sister was probably waiting for her further inside, she decided.

"Alice!" she suddenly heard Jack screaming her name. _Oh, no, not now_ , she thought. She needed to just end it all and Jack couldn't stop her.

He finally noticed her and she saw pure horror reflecting on his face.

"Watch out!" he hollered and then sped up, knocking her off her feet until they both fell to the ground inside the cave. Then, there was a loud rumble and nothing but darkness.

When Alice managed to untangle herself from Jack's arms, she stood up shakily. "What did you do that for?!" she yelled at him.

"What?" He seemed not to understand her as he got up as well. Then he retrieved a flashlight out of his pocket and turned it on. "For your information, I've just saved your life!" he answered her back angrily. ''And a little thank you would be nice!"

"Well, I didn't need saving!" she kept on yelling at him, her eyes filling up with tears.

"Rocks were about to fall down on your head, Alice!" Jack informed her, still not following. Was she a radical feminist or something that she didn't want to accept help from a man? No, that didn't make any sense since she had before. Was she in shock, then? Maybe it would all clear out for her in a moment. "I hope the others heard that rumble," Jack just said when going over to the blocked entrance and examining it. When he turned back to Alice and saw how miserable she looked, his voice softened, "Are you hurt?"

"You just don't get it, do you?" she asked. ''Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn't want to be saved?"

Jack's face hardened. "Alice, what are you trying to say?" he just asked.

"I can't do this anymore, Jack," she confessed when shaking her head, tears streaming down her face. "I can't live like this. I have no one. My entire family is dead! Why can't you just let me go? You can't possibly save everybody."

"I know that," he said gently when making a step towards her, "but this time I also know I can. Listen, you know by now that I'm not big when it comes to faith and believing that there's such a thing as destiny, but... against all odds you survived both a car accident and a plane crash, so don't tell me that you're meant to die."

"She said I have to," Alice suddenly confessed.

"She, who?" Jack prompted in confusion.

"My sister. I saw her, Jack. I saw her in the jungle just like you saw your father. She told me I should've died with her."

Jack was shocked with Alice's words, but then he just came over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. He looked her in the eye and said in confidence, "That was not your sister."

"How can you know that?!" Alice raised her voice again and made a step back, freeing herself from the hold he had on her. "You saw your father! Why can't I see Annie?!"

"Because my _father_ never asked me to die for him," Jack simply answered. "And I know for sure that Anne wouldn't like for you to die either. She would want you to live just like you would want that for her if you were the one who died."

This took saving to a whole new level, Jack thought. When he'd seen the rocks falling down, he'd thought that was it, that was the moment he was supposed to save her, but in fact it ran much deeper than that. He needed to help Alice stay alive, he needed to give her a reason to. And he might just have the perfect one, he suddenly discovered.

"Alice, please, I beg of you, hold on, be strong. Live."

"What for, Jack?" she just asked when shrugging and spreading her arms while doing so. "I mean, look around. Look where we are. We might never get out of this island."

"Do it for me," he simply said and then his hands were reaching for her face and his lips were pressed against her lips. The moment he did that, she stopped thinking altogether. She could only feel so much and discover that while he was kissing her, the pain was gone, replaced by something else, something like... joy, desire. Like happiness. And passion. She did find Jack attractive and she would lie if she said that she never wondered. Still, there had been other things on her mind so far, things that had been consuming her and extinguishing that spark of life she had.

Jack stopped the kiss sooner than she would like him to, but his hands remained on place and he was still close, looking her deeply in the eye.

"I'm here, ok?" he assured her. "And I'm not going anywhere. You have to be strong, Alice. Be strong for me, ok? I need you."

"Do you kiss all the people you're trying to save?" she then asked, nearly breathlessly. Because he actually might've given her a reason to go on. He might've actually showed her that even though they'd barely known each other for more than a week now, they could become close, they could become _more_. They could give each other exactly what they needed.

"No," Jack answered with a smile. "Just the one I have feelings for."

"Good," she said with appreciation and kissed him again, loving how his mouth felt against hers, how he kissed her back and how he took her into his arms and how safe she felt when with him. And happy. He could actually make her happy.

The moment they deepened the kiss, tasting each other, they heard someone calling, "Jack?! Alice?!" The voice belonged to Michael. "Are you all right in there?!"

The kiss once again had to be broken so Jack could shout back to his friend.

"Sit tight! We'll get you out of there in no time!" the man assured them.

* * *

It turned out that it was Shannon who heard Jack's scream followed by the rumble and then alerted the rest. Jack actually swore never to get angry with her again.

Soon after being rescued, both Jack and Alice were sitting by the fire together, resting in silence. Then Alice just had to ask him something, suddenly feeling insecure.

"Jack," she started. "I… I need to know... Did you really mean it all back there in the caves?" she finally got it out nervously. "I know that you said you had feelings for me, but I'll understand if you just did that to help me." She braced herself when waiting for his answer. She didn't want it all to be a convenient lie. And even if it wasn't, she still needed a confirmation as she never had a good track with guys. All her boyfriends had eventually become assholes and some of them had actually hit on her sister, usually pretending they couldn't tell the difference, which was a complete and utter bullshit since Alice and Anne, even though they looked the same, were total opposites like fire and water. Anne being the explosive fire and Alice the calm stream.

"I meant it," Jack simply said when looking at her. "I meant every word and I want this, wherever this is going. You just have to promise me that you'll never do something as stupid as trying to take your own life ever again. Just live, Alice, treat life as a gift which it is. You could've died for the fourth time today when counting you landing in the water after the plane crashed. This _has_ to mean something. There's a lot of people in this world who would like to have so many chances. Do it for me, if not for you, because I don't think I can lose you. There's this connection between us. I've felt it ever since the moment we met," he confessed.

Alice let him say it all without any interruption because she was just sitting there stunned, but also feeling happy and strangely giddy. Just then, when Jack stopped talking and there was this awkward silence, she found the right words to speak, "I felt it, too and I promise that I won't try anything again. And just for the record, I am doing it for the both of us."

Having heard that, Jack smiled brightly to her and leaned towards her to kiss her again. It was still a foreign territory for them since they didn't know each other that well, but the feelings were there and they didn't see the point of denying it. Soon, they heard Charlie and Hugo cheering and they broke the sweet kiss they shared, slightly embarrassed by their public display of affection.

* * *

"You know, Jack said that it isn't safe for the baby to spend so much time in this sun," Alice told Claire when visiting her on the beach the next morning. She really needed to get away from the caves for a while and maybe even from the man in question himself. She didn't regret what happened between her and the doctor, but she was afraid it was a little bit too soon. Also, she needed to shake off the fact that she'd seemed to see and talk to her dead sister. Or something that pretended to be Anne. Or just a hallucination evoked by her mind. In the end, Jack was right, Anne would never want Alice to just give up. She would want her to live and be happy. And she could still find that happiness, couldn't she? She was still young and if she survived the island, she would still have more years ahead of her than behind.

"So I'm supposed to move to the caves just because Jack says so?" Claire asked, clearly teasing Alice.

"Well, he is a doctor, isn't he?"

"And more than that," Claire prompted. "At least he's more than that to you."

Alice shot her a surprised look. "What are you...?" she started, but then Claire interrupted her.

"Oh, come on! Don't play innocent with me! I see the way you two look at each other."

"Well, if you absolutely have to know, we did kiss," Alice revealed and Claire squealed in excitement.

"Of course I absolutely have to know! You know, I might have my wild days behind me because of this buddy here," the blonde patted her stomach, "but I'll have you know that I was quite the party girl once!"

"You were?" Alice asked in surprise when sitting next to her friend.

"Oh, don't be so shocked! All these people on the beach see me as a young mother and nothing more! Well, maybe a girl who made a mistake, but the truth is that I used to dye my hair black and work for a tattoo/piercing studio."

"Are you serious?" Now Alice was simply in shock. She was talking to a girl who seemed to be as sweet as pie, after all.

"Of course I'm serious," Claire confirmed and then saddened, clearly thinking about her past. "Anyway," she said, shaking it off, "you go, girl! You couldn't have done better than Jack!"

"It's more than a common attraction... I think..." Alice then said when biting on her lip. "He... he actually saved me."

"Good," Claire told her friend when patting her shoulder, "we should expect and need more from men than just romance. I mean, look where it's gotten me!" She put her hands on her protruding stomach again.

"Yeah, we really do," Alice admitted with a sigh when thinking about it. Then she spotted Charlie walking out of the jungle, clearly bringing Claire water.

She quickly said her goodbye, then repeated that the young mother really should move and was dismissed again with Claire's never-fading smile.

"Charlie!" Alice called out to the guy and ran to him before he reached Claire. She quickly explained the situation to him and asked him to do anything he could to convince Claire to go to the caves. "Maybe she'll listen to you. I know she's all cool about being on the beach, but this is serious. If she exposes her child to too much of the sun, there might be complications."

"Sure, I'll try," Charlie agreed willingly. "No problem. I care about her, too."

"Thanks." Alice sent him a smile and then she heard Jack's angry voice. Apparently, he was on the beach and right now screaming at Sawyer.

She'd actually never seen Jack being so angry with someone so far…

"Hey, what's happening?" she asked when making her way to them.

"Shannon has asthma and he has her inhaler!" Jack screamed, pointing at the blond guy.

Alice quickly assessed the situation. She didn't care what had caused Sawyer to be the way he was now. She simply detested the guy. He must've had some serious problems, but she had them as well and no one saw her harming the other out of spite or simply not wanting to help them. No, she'd only hurt herself. Then she spotted Kate on the beach and got an idea.

"Jack, he's not going to tell you anything like this," she gently said to her boyfriend (?) - she started wondering about what they actually were to each other. Only then she just shook her head, leaving that for later. "Come, I have an idea." She took his hand and pulled gently.

"A girl's life's at stake here," Jack reminded her.

"Trust me, I understand it better than anyone," Alice assured him and the tone of her voice convinced him to listen.

"Let me talk to her," she said when pointing Kate.

"Why?" He didn't seem to understand.

"Because she and Sawyer have been hanging together a lot. If anyone can convince him to say or give anything to us, I think it's her. After all, you would listen to me, wouldn't you?"

"Ok, you got a point here," Jack agreed with a nod. "And thanks for the quick thinking."

"No problem." She just started off in Kate's direction.

"Oh, and Alice?"

"Yeah?" She turned back to Jack.

"I'm sorry I didn't find you in the morning."

"It's ok, Jack, it's all still fresh. Besides, Shannon needs you more right now."

"But are _you_ all right today?"

"Yes, I am," Alice confirmed, knowing that he had to hear her say it in order to stop worrying about her. "I promised, remember?"

"Yeah, I do." He smiled sadly at her and then watched her go talk to Kate. She understood that it was because he was worried that he might not be able to help Shannon, after all.

* * *

Kate was willing to help, but after she talked to Sawyer, she came back to Jack empty-handed. Now Alice sat down by Shannon's side, watching her on Jack's request (he couldn't really relay on Boone since the guy never stopped panicking) while the doctor himself was rummaging through all the medicine in the caves, desperately hoping to find something he might've missed before.

Then Sawyer made the mistake of showing up in the caves and Jack lost it when hitting him twice. "Where is it?!" he kept on screaming.

Alice truly did not know what to do and quite frankly, Jack scared her a little. He got so angry that Sayid and Hugo had to drag him away from Sawyer. Then Alice pushed the fear away, thinking about how the doctor never gave up on trying to save somebody and she actually understood how frustrating it must've been for him, knowing that the medicine was out there somewhere in Sawyer's secret stash. If she thought more about it, she would probably act the same in Jack's shoes. Was Sawyer even serious? Would he really let an innocent young woman die out of spite? Well, maybe Shannon wasn't so innocent, but it wasn't like she killed anyone. If shouldn't have been Kate in those handcuffs on the plane, it should've been Sawyer, Alice thought when standing up and going over to Jack.

"Are you all right?" she asked when stopping right in front of him and placing her hand on his shoulder. His chest was rising and falling rapidly and he couldn't look her in the eye at the moment. She had an inkling as to why.

"Stay with Shannon," Jack eventually said, but he still didn't look at her. Sawyer was gone by now, so the doctor turned to Sayid, "I need your help."

The Iraqi nodded in response and they both disappeared somewhere. Alice could only sigh and come back to her sick friend. She really hoped this wasn't the end of a shockingly short relationship she seemed to have with Jack.

* * *

After a whole night of staying vigilant by Shannon's side, Alice slept till noon the next day and when she finally woke up, she realized that her friend was breathing normally.

"Did they find the inhaler?" she asked Boone and he only shook his head in response.

"They tortured the guy, can you believe that?" he informed. "And all of that to hear that he didn't have it in the first place."

"What?" Alice stood up, shocked. "Then why didn't he just say so?"

"How am I supposed to know what's running through a crazy man's head?" Boone just asked. "Sun helped Shannon in the end. She used eucalyptus."

Alice didn't really know what to think of it all. And she really needed to speak to Jack.

He seemed to sense that she was awake and wanted to talk because he left Shannon's side and came over.

She was actually afraid of the upcoming conversation after the previous day, after what she'd witnessed and what she just heard from Boone. When her eyes finally met Jack's, she realized how burdened he seemed to be and she wanted nothing more than to hold him and make him feel better.

He stopped right next to her, his sight not leaving her eyes and then he started off into the jungle. She knew what it was all about. He wanted to talk to her in private.

Finally, they seemed to be alone and far enough from both camps.

Then Jack finally spoke, ''Alice, I'm sorry."

"It's all right. Jack, you were just doing everything you could to help her. I get it. Everyone has the right to lose control sometimes. I'm actually relieved that you're not perfect. I know I'm not," she said, really meaning it.

Suddenly, he chuckled, "You're relieved? And why is that?"

"Because perfections are boring and you can never really raise to their standards," she answered with a shrug.

"Well, maybe you're right. Or maybe I just think I should be perfect and can't," he suddenly confessed. "I want to be a perfect doctor, perfect healer and I... just can't," he repeated with a heavy sigh. "I'd do anything to save people, even if I had to harm those standing in the way. What I let happen yesterday..." Jack only shook his head at the memory. "What I allowed Sayid to do... it was unethical and it was all for nothing."

"It wasn't your fault, Jack," Alice told him after thinking it over. "Sawyer should've told you the truth sooner instead of playing sick games. You did what you had to do to save those in need and in the end it was his choice to accept that and not yours. He could've stopped you any time and he didn't. You did nothing a police officer wouldn't do."

"I said yes to Sayid, but then almost immediately... I regretted it," Jack said and Alice could see the remorse on his face clearly. "I went too far and I know it."

"It's because you do what you have to, Jack and because you have a soul. It's only human to feel this way." When she said that, she closed the distance between them and put her arms around him.

"I thought you might not want to see me ever again after all of this," he revealed his fears to her when burying his face in her hair.

"Not a chance," she assured him when stroking his back. "I am with you, Jack." He felt so huge and solid against her small form and she clang to him like to a lifeline. Still, even though she seemed to be so fragile in comparison to him, something told her that right now she was his savior.

As they were standing like that, Alice saw something above Jack's shoulder and she smiled. Charlie succeeded. Somehow he managed to convince Claire to move to the caves.


	4. Chapter 4

Life was boring, even if busy those days. People did nothing but their best to survive and Jack had his hands full of work as they kept coming to him with all their health problems. Most of them didn't even need to be treated as the cause was usually anxiety, so the poor doctor was getting more and more frustrated. His time was divided between his patients and Alice whom he was still getting to know closer.

"Jack!" Hugo came over to them one afternoon.

"Yes, Hugo?" the doctor asked, trying not to show his own exasperation. "Is something wrong? Are you feeling ok?"

"What? Yeah, yeah… I was just thinking… All the people in here are way too tense, dude. We need to do something about that. We all just sit here like we were waiting for death or some monster to come out of the jungle to get us."

"Hugo, things could be much worse. I'm doing all I can. I'm helping people survive," the doctor explained.

"Well, life should be about more than just surviving, you know." The big guy wasn't giving up easily, but eventually he got the message and left.

"Things could be worse?" Alice picked up on that. "We're in a hellhole forgotten by God Himself. To me it can't really get much worse."

"We are not," Jack disagreed in a soft voice.

"And how do you know this exactly?" she wanted to know.

"Because I'm here with you," he answered simply. "We're together and that's all that matters."

One moment he was all about business and practicality, but then, in the next he was telling her something like this. She loved that the most about him. He seemed to always know the right thing to say to make her feel better. And again, he didn't fail. She just had to smile to him and then place a gentle kiss to the side of his lips (they were careful now as not to display too much affection publicly).

* * *

In the end, Hurley didn't give up and surprised everyone when he created a golf court on the nearest hill. When he called Jack, Alice, Charlie and Michael to check it out; at first they were all quite angry with Hugo for wasting his time for providing entertainment, but then Alice decided that he might've actually been right.

"If we stay here, we need to have some relief," he was just explaining, "and we can't all find ourselves a pretty girl." He nodded towards Jack and Alice and they both looked very embarrassed there for a moment. "We need fun. We can't just wait for things to happen."

And how right Hugo actually was! Soon enough, there was about twenty people around, watching and playing and placing bets and laughing. The anxiety and tension seemed to have disappeared completely and even Jack allowed himself to just let it go for one day.

"Come on, hit the ball," he encouraged Alice who was just standing aside, observing.

"Honestly, I'm not sure I even know how to. I've never played," she admitted.

"Come, I'll show you," Jack reached his hand to her and soon enough she was standing with a club in her own and he was behind her. His hands were on her hands and his front so close to her back that she found herself losing the hard acquired concentration altogether. Her breathing quickened and she could hear Jack breathing fasten as well, his touch electrifying her. She really hoped no one else noticed that.

In the end, she did hit the ball, but she was pretty sure it was all Jack's doings since her legs by that time felt like jelly, not to mention her mind.

* * *

When the night had fallen, Jack and Alice were slowly walking back to the caves. They were alone and didn't rush when just holding hands and enjoying each other's company. Jack had to admit that Hugo was right. They really needed that day. They needed some entertainment to relieve the tension.

Then he came to a stop, feeling the sudden urge to kiss his girlfriend and once he looked at her, she gasped. No one had ever looked at her like that before. His affectionate, possessing gaze caused her heart to beat faster and her body to slowly being lit on fire. And he didn't even touch her yet.

"Alice, I don't know what we should or shouldn't do here…" he then said when placing his hand on her cheek instead of leaning towards her. "I don't know when and _if_ we'll ever be rescued..."

"Shush…" she stopped him right there and pressed her finger to his lips. She knew where he was going with this and she really didn't want to think about it. She just wanted to be in the moment. Enjoy it. "Don't ruin it," she told him and rose to her tiptoes to reach his mouth, kissing him slowly but then sliding her tongue inside to join his own pretty fast. They seemed to forget where they were, consumed by the sudden desire. Jack pushed her backwards and she felt her back meeting a tree. Then he cupped her face and she put her arms around his neck and they kept on kissing, their bodies pressed together until she actually felt him harden against her. She gasped at a particularly skillful move of his tongue along her bottom lip and then he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. His chest and pelvis no longer touched hers.

"That was intense," she finally spoke when he opened his eyes and looked into hers deeply.

"Yes, it was," he agreed with a shaky smile. "What do you say we make our way back to the caves for some dinner? All that golfing made me hungry."

"Because hitting a ball really requires so much energy!" she teased him when he took her hand again and they resumed their walk.

None of them said anything about what just happened because there was really nothing to say. They knew they would have to hold on long enough to be rescued, otherwise they would risk pregnancy and they weren't exactly ready for that step.

* * *

It became a routine for Jack and Alice to spend their evenings together. Tonight they went for a walk again, but ended up sitting down and kissing. This truly was their longest session and Alice was completely out of breath and she felt way too hot and excited. She didn't know for how long they could keep this up, but soon enough she would just give in to Jack completely, consequences be damned. Maybe Sawyer had some condoms… she wondered and then broke the kiss since thinking about the blond guy seemed to totally kill her mood. And she most definitely wouldn't be asking him _that_. Before Jack managed to kiss her again or ask if everything was all right, they actually heard a scream.

"It's Claire!" Alice recognized the voice and jumped to her feet, running straight towards the caves, Jack following.

When they reached the place where Claire was sleeping, Charlie and Hurley were already by her side and the first man tried to calm her down. "It's all right, it's all right," he kept on saying. "You've just had a bad dream. It's all right."

In the end, the mother-to-be calmed down enough to listen to her friend and after Jack examined and assured her that everything was all right with the baby, she tried to go back to sleep. Then Jack took Charlie aside and Alice followed since he didn't tell to go away.

"I'm afraid she's going to have the baby soon," the doctor voiced his concerns. "And here… with no medicine and no way to see if everything's all right… we'll be just going blind. Charlie, I need you to take care of her, make sure she's relaxed. The more stressed out she becomes, the more likely she'll go into labor and we have to postpone it as much as we can."

The musician nodded, but Alice could see how terribly pale he was. When he went to check on Claire, Alice turned back to Jack.

"Don't say it," he warned her.

"But we need to have a plan in case the worst happens," she prompted.

"There'll never be a plan, Alice," he answered in a defeated voice. "We'll just have to do the best we can and pray that everything with Claire and the baby will be all right… Now, I think we all need to get some sleep."

Yes, Alice totally agreed with that. If they'd been in need of a cold shower before, now they didn't anymore as Claire screaming had done the trick.

* * *

The fourth of them: Julie, Jack, Charlie and even Hurley did whatever they could the whole day to make Claire feel comfortable and relaxed and Alice even took her for a small walk with Shannon in the afternoon as Jack said that Claire needed the exercise as well.

Still, none of it mattered since when they all went to sleep that night – exhausted because of the incident from the previous one – Claire started screaming again. This time even worse than before.

"Somebody tried to hurt my baby!" she kept it up even when Jack and Charlie got to her. "He had a needle! He injected me with something! He wanted to kill my baby!"

"Claire! Claire!" Jack had to raise his voice as well. "Look at me. Just look at me. You're safe. You're all right. No one's trying to hurt you or the baby."

"I swear it's the truth! Someone was here!"

While Jack was checking Claire's stomach, Charlie and Hugo exchanged worried looks.

"She needs to be watched over all the time," Jack finally decided when making sure Claire had no needle marks on her belly. "Just in case."

"Dude, we've been here for weeks and we don't even know each other!" Hurley then said. "Everyone keeps getting attacked and we have no way of knowing who did what."

"What are you getting at?" Jack just asked, clearly tired after two almost sleepless nights.

"I say we need to make a list of all the passengers and ask where everybody was the last two nights. Maybe it's nothing, but maybe Claire's right and there's really someone trying to hurt her."

"Can you take care of that, Hugo?" Jack just asked, feeling so exhausted that he didn't even have enough strength to spend time with his girlfriend. Or maybe that was actually a good thing, he decided, considering how heated up things had tended to get recently.

"Sure, I can. It's not like I have something better to do! Right on it, doc!"

* * *

"So, your name's Alice Stevens and you owe a bookshop," Hurley repeated all the information Alice had given him so far. "All right, cool. I like books. Now… your reason for visiting Australia?" he asked and suddenly, Alice tensed up. She wasn't prepared to hear that particular question so she was immediately bombarded by unwanted memories.

"It's cool, Hurley." Luckily for her, Jack noticed that and came over. "She's all right. She couldn't have attacked Claire and you know it. Just let it go."

Hugo felt embarrassed since he obviously asked something that put Alice in a bad mood. On the other hand, how could he have known?

"It's ok, Jack. Thanks," Alice finally said when touching his shoulder. "It just took me off guard… I was scattering the ashes of my family. That's why I was in Australia," she answered Hugo and it caused the big guy to feel even worse.

"Oh, dude, I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"Don't worry about it. I'll go check on Claire," she volunteered and made her way to her friend.

"How are you? Feeling any better?" she asked the blonde when she sat by her side.

Claire had seemed to be deeply immersed into her own thoughts when Alice appeared.

"Yeah… yeah, I guess so," she answered with a shrug and then she spoke again like she really wanted to get something off her chest. "Do you think I'm being punished?" she suddenly asked.

"What? Why?" Alice was surprised to hear that.

"I… I wanted to give my baby up for adoption," Claire explained. "I didn't think I could take care of him myself with the father out of the picture," she confessed.

"Claire, there's nothing wrong with that," Alice assured her when taking her hand and squeezing gently. "You were just doing what you thought was best for this kid."

"Yeah, but… I still feel like I'm being punished. Can you believe that I saw a psychic some time ago? He actually told me that I absolutely must keep the baby, that he couldn't be raised without me and he was so persistent that I eventually believed him. He told me there was a way for the baby to be happy if I really was sure I couldn't…" Claire came to a sudden stop and then she gasped.

"Claire?" Alice asked, unsure of what just happened. "Claire, are you all right?"

"He _knew_ ," she said. "That bastard must've known!"

"Knew what?"

Claire looked at Alice and then she finally explained. "One moment he tells me that I absolutely must keep the baby and the next he tells me that there's a family in America that can take him. And then he gives me this ticket and says it has to be this flight. Flight Oceanic 815."

"You think there really was no family and he knew the plane was going to crash?" Alice finished, actually feeling goose bumps all over her body. "But why didn't he warn the airline?"

"Who would listen to him anyway?" Claire just asked and Alice realized that it was the truth. "The funny thing is that I wanted to give this baby up so badly and now… now I can't imagine my life without him," Claire suddenly confessed with a nervous shrug.

"Are you sure it's a he?"

"Something tells me that it is."

"It's all right to change your mind, you know."

In that moment, Jack came over, holding some pills in his hand and a bottle of water. "Here, take this, it will help you relax."

"But the baby…" Claire started.

"It's completely safe. Just take it and maybe you'll feel better tonight."

"Wait… you think I made it all up? You think there was no guy, do you?!" Claire got mad and started arguing with Jack who tried a calmer approach, but eventually that strategy failed and Claire just strolled off into the jungle. Charlie saw that and ran after her, previously asking Jack what the hell he'd done to her.

"That's just great," Jack sighed heavily.

"You really think she might've been dreaming? It seemed pretty intense like for a dream," Alice admitted when sitting by his side and placing her hand on his knee.

"I don't know. I just have to think of every possibility and this is the most plausible one."

Yet, before he managed to say more, Sayid suddenly came running towards them until he collapsed on the ground. Jack was by his side in a flash, led by his medical instinct and he was already checking for possible injuries.

"The French woman… I found her," the Iraqi said raggedly. "She said we're not alone here."

Jack and Alice looked at each other, sharing their fears. Was it possible that there were other people on the island? If so, why hadn't they helped them when the plane crashed? Why hadn't they made themselves known? The simplest of answers was also the most terrifying.

If that wasn't enough, soon Hurley followed Sayid, screaming, "Guys! Guys! We got a problem! I got the flight manifest! I interviewed everyone and… one of them isn't on the manifest! One of them wasn't on the plane!"

"What?" Jack turned to face the guy, not understanding.

"That guy! Ethan! He wasn't on the plane! He must've already been on the island!"

"Where is he now?" Jack asked sharply.

"I saw him picking up wood earlier, but then he disappeared," Michael followed with an explanation when coming closer.

"Wait… where's Claire and Charlie?" Hugo looked around, just now noticing the two gone.

"Oh my God! Jack!" Alice then exclaimed when realizing the danger.

When he met her eyes, he didn't say anything, he just ran straight into the jungle, clearly trying to catch up with both Charlie and Claire. Alice immediately ran after him, not wanting to let him out of her sight now that they both knew there was real danger out there. And if she lost him… she didn't even want to think about that possibility.

Jack stopped pretty fast, not really knowing where to go next and Alice joined him, breathing heavily from the rush. Soon enough, Locke, Kate and Boone caught up with them.

"There are three distinct footprints here," John informed when studying the ground, "and signs of a struggle."

Alice paled on hearing that and Jack just started calling out for Claire until Locke stopped him by putting his finger to his mouth. He was right, Alice thought. Whoever took both Claire and Charlie, had to overpower them somehow.

"Where did they go?" Jack asked in a much quieter voice.

"Don't worry, I can track them," John assured him.

"All right," the doctor nodded and then turned to Alice. "Come back to the caves," he told her.

"What? No!" she protested quickly.

"Alice, this is dangerous."

"And I can take care of myself! Besides, I am not going to lose you, Jack! I'm coming with and we'll both be watching out for ourselves! Claire is my friend and I could've stopped her."

"I could have, too, but we didn't."

"Exactly. So now let's just go and get her back, ok?"

There was really no time to argue and the rest had already disappeared further into the jungle, leaving the pair to quarrel. Soon enough, Jack and Alice caught up with them, not saying anything, just watching out for any signs Charlie or Claire might have left behind. It paid off since they found pieces of the tape Charlie had pasted around his fingers. It looked as though he was leaving them a trail.

They didn't speak for a while and Jack couldn't help but think of Alice's sister, Annie, as they walked towards a possible trap. He couldn't let anything happen to his girlfriend, too, but it wasn't as though he could tie her up in the caves and leave. She would never forgive him for that; not that he could actually do such a thing. Alice was a free and independent woman and he needed to accept that and protect her as much as he could in those circumstances. He had no right to take her choices away by telling her to stay behind.

 _His father was on call that night, but Jack was still sent for. The nurse, who notified him, was risking a lot, but she was too scared to do nothing. Christian Shephard was apparently operating on a woman who'd been in a car accident and was fighting for her life. And he was performing that operation drunk._

 _When Jack finally got into the OR, it was already too late. Still, he pushed his father aside and did everything he could to save the girl. He didn't have time to take a closer look at her, all he cared about was fixing her insides. And her insides were a mess._

 _He declared her death a few minutes later, finally catching a glimpse of her face. She was young. Way too young to die and it hurt that he wasn't the one on call. It hurt that her death was probably caused by his own father who couldn't hold his liquor. Jack swallowed tears as he was always an emotional man and then placed the sheet over the girl's face._

 _"I can't believe you," he started, deciding to turn his sorrow into rage, "you were doing a surgery on a girl who was in a car accident and was fighting for her life – DRUNK?!" He whirled to face his father._

 _"Her insides were a mess, Jack." Christian actually had the audacity to try and explain himself. "I couldn't have done anything and you know it!"_

 _"I can't fucking believe this!" Jack screamed again and put his hands to his head. The nurse cleared the room quietly, leaving them alone. "You're actually trying to justify this?! Do you even care?!"_

 _"She would have…"_

 _"No, dad!" Jack outstretched his hands. "You don't know that! You can't know that! And what I know right now is that you screwed up when you could've saved her!"_

 _After having said that, he left, slamming the door._

Jack remembered how he'd put the sheet over Anne's face – Alice's face. They looked the same. It as well might have been… he shook his head and looked at his girlfriend. He didn't think he would be able to bear losing her after he'd already lost her sister. If only he'd gotten to that OR faster, if only the nurse had called him sooner… But then again, if Anne had had lived, would have he still gotten to know her sister? Probably yes. They would've probably taken the trip to Australia together and supported each other. That was what should have happened. And it hadn't because of his father.

Jack never wanted to see Alice in danger ever again. He didn't want her dead face to haunt him. He decided he would do anything to protect her just like now he was doing it for Claire.

"Are you ok?" Alice asked when she noticed him staring at her with that peculiar look on his face.

"I didn't believe her," he simply said. "I gave her a sedative and tried to convince her that she imagined being attacked. I didn't keep her safe, Alice and now she's gone. How can I keep _you_ safe after that?"

Before she managed to open her mouth and say something, Locke called for them. There were two trails and they had to split up. It turned out that Kate was a pretty good tracker herself, so she went with Jack and Alice whereas Locke and Boone headed the other way. They knew that one of those trails must've been a trap, but they had to try and find Claire anyway. She was pregnant, after all and they couldn't leave their own people behind.

After another few minutes of tracking, they suddenly heard something strange, something Sayid had mentioned to them before. If that wasn't proof that there were other people on the island…

"Jack!" Kate called after him when he ran forward. "Jack, it might be dangerous!" Only he didn't listen. He never really did, Alice thought and sighed when following him.

They were climbing a slippery slope while it started raining. Jack was ahead, almost reaching the top and then he lost his hold on it and fell.

"JACK!" Alice roared, terrified for him and his life.

"Wait!" Kate warned her when she tried to find the fastest way down. "We'll get to him, but we need to be careful, ok? I'll find another way." They both reached the top and in that moment it stopped raining, making it easier for Kate to find a way back down again.

* * *

When Alice finally spotted Jack, she thought her heart stopped completely. He was lying on his back, not moving.

"Jack!" she called his name and got to him as fast as she could, leaving tired Kate behind. "Jack!" She got to her knees and gently cupped his face in fear he might've broken something or… worse. But she didn't want to think of anything worse. She just wanted him back. "Jack, can you hear me?" She reminded herself that she should check for pulse, but was too afraid. Luckily for her, he opened his eyes in that very moment and looked at her when being a little out of it. "Oh, thank God!" she exclaimed and couldn't help but lean forward and kiss him gently on the mouth. "Don't you ever do this to me again, understood?" she asked when moving backwards, so he could sit and eventually stand up. She still held him up, afraid he would fall again.

"Ethan," he said. "He was here! And he went that way!"

"Jack, wait! You're exhausted!" Kate called after him.

"I won't let anyone else die!" he just answered and kept on going.

"Jack, Anne wasn't your fault!" Alice told him when catching up with him. Somehow she understood that it was her sister that had been on his mind ever since Claire had been taken.

They didn't have the time to argue any longer because Kate suddenly screamed and they all saw what she did. It was Charlie. Charlie hanging from a tree.

"Quickly!" Jack yelled. "Cut him off!"

Alice could only stand there, frozen, not able to move. This view was just too horrible for her, especially when she hadn't seen something like this in her entire life, not even when being in that accident.

It was Kate who ran towards the tree and started climbing it and eventually managed to cut the rope. Then Jack immediately begun the CPR.

After a minute of his efforts, Alice covered her mouth with her hands and started to cry. It seemed obvious to her that Charlie was dead and Kate seemed to share that opinion.

"Come on!" Jack was desperate as he still wasn't giving up. "Come on!"

"Jack… Jack, it's too late. He's gone," Kate finally said and tried to pull him away from Charlie's body. In the end, she did manage to do that and Alice just regained the feeling in her legs and made a step forward when Jack shook his head frantically.

"No," he said. "No, not like this." He started punching Charlie's chest and Alice kept sobbing into the palms of her hands when watching it all happen, watching Jack trying to revive Charlie and Kate trying to stop him.

They all stilled and Alice even stopped crying when Charlie suddenly took a desperate breath and sat up, his eyes opening widely in shock.

"Oh my God!" Alice exclaimed then, dropped to her knees and put her arms around Jack's neck. She couldn't stand this anymore. This was… this was almost unreal. Jack held her back tightly, watching the colors coming back to Charlie's face.

"How are you feeling?" he then asked the man and there was only one word coming out of the blond's mouth, "Claire."

* * *

Charlie didn't speak at all while Jack was examining his neck back in the caves. In fact, he hadn't said a word except that one name when he'd been brought back. Eventually, there was really nothing more Jack could do, so he just told Charlie to get some rest. Still, Alice knew that the guy wouldn't be able to even if he tried.

Then Jack was right by her side. He took her hand and pulled her further into the jungle without saying anything. When they were finally alone, he grabbed her face and crashed his lips against hers. Next, he briefly broke the kiss and spoke nearly with his mouth against hers, "Stop me." It sounded like he was begging her. Then he kissed her again and she forgot what he said in the first place. She forgot where they were and what was happening around them. He'd never before kissed her like this and she couldn't possibly stop him. Not when he gently bit on her lower lip, when he sucked on in and licked a path along with his tongue. Not when his tongue dove right into her mouth, joined her own and did things… she didn't even know what he was doing, but her body gave in to him completely and she was kissing him back just as strongly. He might've asked her to stop him, but she couldn't possibly push him away now, instead she grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer and then her hand slipped inside and touched his chest. She needed that piece of fabric out of the way, she decided and took it off of him. She was pretty sure a button or two snapped, but she didn't care. She had him standing right in front of her, half-naked. The kiss was momentarily broken when she looked at him and traced his muscles with her fingers and felt the hair on his chest. He didn't give her much time to explore his skin as he pushed her against a tree and kissed again, his lips descending to her neck, sucking on the raging pulse there; his hands covering her breasts and massaging for a moment before going down to cup her buttocks and squeeze gently when pressing his pelvis against hers. She gasped when she felt how hard and ready he was for her and she fit her hand between their bodies to undo the button on his jeans. As she did so, she had to raise her hands because he pulled on her shirt to take if off and then almost immediately his hands were on her back, trying to get to the clasp of her bra. Finally, it came undone and she, too, was half-naked now. When his hands were getting to know her breasts and his lips tried to caress the skin of her neck in the same time, she reached for his pants and pushed them down his hips, pulling the briefs with them. Her heart was thumping so hard she was afraid it would jump out of her chest and then her hands were over his length and Jack lost it there for a moment when he stopped kissing and touching her. He closed his eyes and eventually covered her hands with his. It was a very hot sight before he pushed her hands away.

"I can't… I…" he started, but didn't finish when he gently lowered her down to the blanket they'd left there the night Claire had first screamed. It came useful now.

He didn't even have to finish his sentence. Alice understood that he was afraid of letting go too fast.

Soon, her pants were out of the way, too and they were kissing again and Jack's hand slid down her body until he stroked her and then dipped a finger inside. After that, she couldn't hold on for much longer either and guided his hard member there. When he finally entered her, they were too far gone. Nothing mattered anymore, just the sensations. They needed this, this relief. They needed to lose themselves within each other, consequences be damned. They could all be dead tomorrow, Ethan's threat ringing in Jack's mind, but he refused to give up. He would fight for his people till he died. As he pushed inside Alice, he stopped thinking altogether, he just felt. And she felt, too; embracing him, kissing him, grabbing his buttocks to cause him to go deeper and biting on the skin of his neck.

Yes, nothing else mattered but them. Together.

* * *

 **AN:**  
 **Yeah, yeah – guilty here! - I borrowed a line from the amazing show that is The 100 – Life should be about more than just surviving.**


	5. Chapter 5

They didn't even manage to come back to the caves the night before. They just fell asleep cradled in the blanket, seeking warmth within each other.

Alice woke up happy. She wasn't even disoriented. She knew exactly where she was. She knew that the arms she fitted so perfectly in and the second heartbeat she felt against her back belonged to Jack.

Only then she actually tensed up, realizing that they didn't know how long they'd actually been asleep. They couldn't possibly risk anyone from either camp walking in on them like this. If somebody hadn't already… but no, they couldn't, could they?

"We really should get back before someone stumbles here," she said and entangled herself from Jack's limbs with a heavy sigh. He groaned with disappointment when he lost the hold on her body, but eventually awoke enough to understand what she was getting at.

"I wish we didn't have to sneak around like some teenagers," he said when sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Then he watched as she quickly put her clothes back on, making her feel a little self-conscious.

"Should we talk about it?" he asked when she finished.

"There's nothing to talk about, Jack. It's done," she said casually.

"Wait…" he stopped her right there. "I thought… I thought we had something real."

She stilled and blinked a few times when looking at him. "Jack, I am not breaking up with you," she explained. "I just know that you're going to worry about consequences and I say we shouldn't talk or worry about it before… something happens… and it may not even happen," she finished awkwardly. Yeah, it definitely was a very mature and adult way of talking about a possible pregnancy, she thought sarcastically.

"Maybe you're right," he admitted. "Maybe we should just focus on finding Claire."

"Definitely," she agreed.

He finally stood up and picked up his pants. Then he caught her staring as well.

"What? It's not like you weren't looking," she told him with a wink. "And I guess this is currently mine," she pointed his body.

"Oh, really?" he teased her when the pants were finally on place. "So, is this mine?" He reached for her, pulled her in and kissed sweetly for good morning.

"Oh, yeah," she said in between the kisses.

"Ok, we do actually have something important to do," Jack reluctantly pointed out when pulling away. "And we're getting all worked up again."

"Yeah, we do," she admitted when biting her lip. She wondered whether they would go as far as having sex again on the island, but then she just felt guilty that she was enjoying herself while Claire was with the people who'd hung Charlie on a tree. Alice was also scared for the baby in the woman's belly.

"We should really be getting back," she sighed.

* * *

As it turned out, they couldn't do much for Claire. Locke was still trying to find a new track and decide which way she'd been taken, but the chances were low. They didn't know what to do and where to look and they didn't have enough manpower to search the island, especially with possibly a lot of other people out there and a mysterious monster. Added to that, they didn't even know how big the island was or whether they would found shelter for the night or water once they ran out of it. It all made Alice feel very frustrated, so eventually she just decided to go to the beach and check up on Charlie while Jack agreed to help Kate with something. The couple parted for the day, but maybe it was a good thing, Alice thought. Maybe they should stay away from each other. Then again, how long would that last before the fire erupted again twice as strong? She truly didn't know what to do and she didn't even want to think about the future. Claire was pregnant in a very hostile environment and Alice didn't want to end up like that as well. Besides, it was way too early in her and Jack's relationship to even think about children.

"Oh, fuck it," she said to no one in particular as she finally emerged from the jungle and found herself on the beach. She would simply occupy both her thoughts and time with something else. She would keep herself busy and that would be useful to everyone, she finally decided.

She spotted Charlie, so she walked over to him and sat down by his side.

"Hi," she said, trying not to look at his still bruised neck too closely. She couldn't even imagine how much it must've hurt, not to mention the mental agony of wondering if he could've done something more to save Claire. "How are you?" Alice asked another question, but Charlie still hadn't said a word to her. She didn't know what to do in such a situation. She wasn't good when it came to getting people to talk. It just felt awkward and more uncomfortable for her with every passing minute. She knew she should probably tell him how they would surely find Claire and they would all be all right, but could she really lie to him like that? It didn't take a genius to figure out that whatever she said could turn out to be a big, fat lie. Because they were in danger. Because there were people out there and because neither she nor Jack or anyone else could guarantee Claire's safety.

In the end, Rose came over, asking Charlie to help her as she was dragging a part of the plane with her. It took a while, but eventually she got him to get up and give her a hand for which Alice sent her a grateful, yet sad smile.

And then Shannon suddenly ran right past her, crying.

"Shannon?" Alice followed, wanting to be useful at least this way. "Shannon, what's wrong?" she asked when catching up with the blonde near the jungle where she sat on a trunk of a fallen tree.

"I'm useless," Shannon said as she kept on crying. "Everyone says so and I'm actually starting to believe it."

"What? You're not useless," Alice protested when joining her friend on the trunk. "No one really is and if they don't see how special you are, then screw them. They're idiots."

Shannon actually laughed through her tears on hearing that.

"I can't translate Rousseau's papers for Sayid," she finally explained. "He said I was talking rubbish for a whole hour of his precious time."

"So what? Maybe the French woman isn't as sane as she used to be. You did enough, Shannon, thanks to you we found out about her and what her message said in the first place. That was a huge help and then Sayid managed to find her and she told him that we weren't alone." Alice wasn't sure whether there really was much logic in what she just said, but Shannon didn't seem to care. Her mood had clearly improved. She hugged Alice in gratitude and then she gasped.

"It's a song!" she yelled and Alice just shot her a blank look. "I know what the papers say!" she explained quickly and then she was just gone.

Alice only shook her head and after a while of mingling among the people on the beach, she slowly made her way back to the caves.

"Are you all right?" she asked Jack when she spotted him and noticed that he was angry. "How did it go with Kate?" she followed with another question when sitting by his side. She really missed him even though they'd seen each other this morning. Hell, they'd had sex the night before and woken up together! Alice really started to doubt that they would be able to keep their hands off of each other for much longer. Maybe they should just give up and screw everything else. Screw the future. Technically, they could die the next day. They could even die today!

"Kate's a liar," Jack told Alice, "and I'm sick of it. She and Sawyer are really worth each other."

Alice didn't say anything to that. She just rested her head on Jack's shoulder. Maybe he was right. She herself had trouble establishing any friendship with Kate because the woman never seemed to let her guards down and whenever Alice asked something, Kate either gave her an evasive answer or lied straight to her face.

"No sign of Claire," Alice then said when taking Jack's hand and intertwining her fingers with his.

"No sign of Claire," he repeated with a sigh, putting his arm around her.

* * *

Sadly, everyone started settling in on the island and getting used to their new life style. It was as though they'd already given up. Sun even created her own garden. Alice truly didn't know whether she should be happy that they would have herbs or not. Was there anyone looking for a way out of the island anymore? She wondered.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Sawyer who just came to the caves and started going through Jack's stuff.

"Can I help you with something?" she asked in a tone that indicated her rather being angry than willing to help.

Sawyer stilled and straightened up, looking at her just standing there with her arms folded across her chest.

"Ok, sweetheart," he started when putting his hands in front of him as though he was trying to protect himself, "this is so not what it looks like. Jack was supposed to give me my last dose of medication today for the wound in my arm and he's nowhere to be seen, so I decided to look for it myself. Where's the doc anyway? Romancing some other girl?"

Alice sighed when he said that. She was already getting though Jack's stuff and taking the right bottle to give Sawyer his pill. "I don't get it," she said then.

"And what that would be?" Sawyer prompted when taking the pill from her and swallowing it.

"You and that attitude," she explained. "You're not doing yourself any favors, you know. We've all been through hell. All of our lives were crappy sometimes. We all made mistakes, I'm sure of it. So whatever it is that's bothering you, just drop it."

"Oh, really? And what can you really know about life, sweetheart?" he responded.

There was something in his eyes, something that told her that he wasn't as tough as he presented himself to be. So far she'd felt nothing but resentment towards him, but now she could tell that he was the way he was because of something dark in his past, some kind of a secret or suffering that influenced everything else. And exactly that vulnerability he was obviously covering with insults and gruffness pushed her to just tell him the truth.

"Actually, I know a lot," she said idly. "I lost my entire family in a car crash. My twin sister died on an operating table. I was the only one who survived and I have no one now. I was in Australia to scatter their ashes because we were always dreaming of taking a trip there and… the plane, I was coming home to on, crashed."

There was silence as Sawyer was just looking at her, processing those words, maybe trying to assess if she wasn't making it all up. Eventually, he told her the truth as well since it only seemed fair. In fact, he told her more than he ever had Kate.

"When I was little, my mother had an affair with a conman. He convinced her to invest all of our money, told her that she would get it back tripled. In the end, he stole from us and my father killed her and then himself. Ever since that happened, I've been trying to find that man and in the process I became him. My name isn't even Sawyer. It's James. James Ford. And I was in Australia to kill Sawyer. Only the man turned out not to be him."

Alice was speechless when she heard that and didn't really know how to respond. In the end, she just said the best thing she could. She understood that they didn't want any pity or compassion from each other, they were just sharing their stories and they wanted to do it without shedding tears and exchanging hugs. "You see? We're all the same and we all have our own demons."

"If you tell what I just told you to anyone, I'll deny it," Sawyer immediately threatened, putting his mask back on again and she nearly laughed at the sudden change.

"Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me," she assured him and then saw something softening in his eyes.

"Yeah… thanks," he brushed it off quickly.

The moment was broken by Jack coming back.

"Sawyer," he said with a nod.

"It's ok, Jack. I already gave him the pill," Alice assured her boyfriend.

"And I was just leaving," Sawyer informed and then walked a few steps before he came to a stop and turned back to Jack, "She's a nice catch, doc and easy on the eye," he said. "If I were you, I would hold on to her." After that, he finally left.

Alice nearly smiled, figuring that it was the best compliment she could hope to receive from the man.

"What was that all about?" Jack asked her in surprise.

"Getting through to people," she told him when looking at the blond retreating. In that moment, she felt like they could eventually become friends even though it already sounded crazy in her head. Sometimes people surprised you.

* * *

Alice truly didn't understand what the fuss was all about. Michael came up with a plan to build a raft and she really liked that idea, desperately wanting to just get the hell out of the island, but others didn't necessary shared her enthusiasm. She got their point of view, too, she really did. Building up a raft and venturing off into the unknown could have disastrous consequences, but they owed it to themselves to try. No one was coming to help them, that much was obvious by now. Building a raft seemed like their only chance unless they wanted to stay on the island indefinitely. And she so did not want that. Especially after the awkward moment when she was alone with Jack and came over to him, sat on his laps and started kissing him, really missing him and their closeness. Once they'd crossed the line, they was really no coming back. She wanted him and she knew that he wanted her, too.

Only he eventually pushed her away and needless to say, she felt awful about it.

"Alice… I'm… I'm sorry," he said quickly when seeing the look on her face. She got off of him and sat right next to him. "It's just… you know that I want to…"

"Help isn't coming, Jack," she just said, "and we should make our peace with that. There's no way we're getting out of this island unless the raft works."

"It's not that," Jack then told her, choosing his words carefully. Apparently, he was just as embarrassed as she was about the whole situation. "It's not that I'm afraid you'll get pregnant," he finally said. "It's that I… I can't really afford to have a child."

Alice frowned when listening to him.

"I don't understand," she admitted.

"You know about my father and my insecurities where it comes to him," Jack tried to explain as best as he could and quite frankly, he didn't even have to tell her more. Suddenly, everything became clear to her. "I also told you that I was married once."

"Yeah, to a woman whose spine you fixed," Alice remembered. "You said that in the end you wanted to help her too badly and you marr… Wait a sec. Is this what this is?" Alice suddenly asked, pointing herself and then him. "You saved me and that's why you're with me?"

"No!" he denied quickly. "It's just… She wanted kids and I was never ready. I was afraid that I wouldn't be a good father, that I would hurt my kid instead of loving him or her and showing them the right kind of support they'd need."

"To me it sounds like you know exactly what it means to be a good father, Jack. You know it well because you never had one yourself."

"Maybe," he admitted with a sigh, "but still, I don't think I'm ready for this just yet."

"I understand," she assured him, but she just didn't see any other way out of the situation they'd gotten themselves in. She didn't want to come out as someone desperate for sex. No, it wasn't only that, she decided then. She needed him, was falling in love with him. She needed to be close to him. And in that moment an evil plan was seeded in her head. Why not use one of her newly established acquaintances after all?

* * *

First Sawyer started laughing. When he finally stopped, he said, "You got balls, I'll give you that! All right, I can get you some." He stood up and got into his tent, then he emerged carrying three packets.

"Don't you have more?" she asked when snatching them and immediately hiding in her pocket.

The man responded by elevating his eyebrow, then he said cockily, "I ain't got much, sweetheart and I might need some one day." He winked at her. "Maybe once you get bored with the doctor, you can come see me."

So far she quite enjoyed their conversation and the playfulness of it. She'd used to hate the guy, even felt disgusted by him, but now that she'd gotten to know him a little bit better, she actually grew to like him. Until he opened his mouth completely, that was.

"Not in this life, buddy," she said and then asked with exasperation, "Are you really always like this? Why do you keep doing this anyway? You show me that you actually have a soul and then say something that makes me detest you all over again. You should be nicer to people, James," she used his real name to emphasize what she was trying to tell him. He didn't answer her, so she just added, "Thanks for the condoms," and was gone.

* * *

Once Alice was back in the caves, she located Jack.

"Come with me," she whispered into his ear when approaching him from behind. She could already sense his body shuddering when he felt her breath on his neck. She took his hand and led him into the jungle.

"Alice, where are you taking me?" he asked.

"Just wait and see."

When they were finally alone in their favorite spot, she reached to her pocket and retrieved the packages from there. "I got three."

Jack looked at her, then at the condoms and then back at her again. "Where did you get these?" he asked in surprise.

"Does it matter?" she evaded the answer.

"Oh, no," he realized what she must've done. "You went to Sawyer for… condoms?!" he asked incredulously. "You can't be serious!"

"Oh, I'm dead serious. He's quite all right when you get to know him closer and… well, look past his usual banter."

"I'm not sure how I feel about you and Sawyer suddenly becoming so friendly," Jack voiced his concern.

"Are you actually jealous?" Alice asked, looking at him as though she wanted to eat him. Then she closed the distance between them and put her hands on his chest. His heart already started beating faster, she noticed with satisfaction.

"Well, should I be?"

"Of course not! If there can ever be something between me and Sawyer, in the best case scenario it'll be friendship. I am not attracted to him because I am attracted to you. Now, can we just stop talking about him and get our clothes out of the way? It's done anyway. I've already got the condoms."

Jack actually laughed and then he cupped her face and kissed her with passion. It was finally going somewhere. Alice was happy as she kissed him back and soon enough pushed towards a tree and then to a blanket she'd put there earlier. This time she was going to be the one on top, she decided.

Only it apparently wasn't meant to happen that night, she thought with frustration. She was just straddling Jack and kissing him, his hands on her breasts, her hips moving over him, working him up into arousal when they felt some rustling in the jungle.

They stilled, caught in the act.

"Is someone out there?" Jack asked when they couldn't see anything.

They only heard more rustling and someone walking towards them clumsily.

They got to their feet and Jack reflexively covered Alice with his own body when…

"Claire?" he asked, shocked on seeing the pregnant woman coming out of the trees.

* * *

There was a huge commotion in the caves when the survivors spotted that Jack and Alice were bringing Claire back. Charlie was the first one by their side, asking what happened and where they found the girl. Still, it wasn't like they could give him a good enough answer.

Jack lay Claire down on a blanket and immediately started checking her up for any injuries, eventually looking into her eyes. She'd lost consciousness once she'd stumbled upon him and Alice and was just now slowly regaining it. And then, as soon as her eyes focused on the people gathered around her, her pupils dilated as she didn't recognize any of them. She started screaming frantically and moving backwards when asking, "Who are you, people?!"

* * *

In the end, Jack figured that Claire must've been suffering from some kind of amnesia and even if it was rare, it was possible. She truly didn't recognize anyone and she had made a lot of wonderful friends among the survivors. The situation changed drastically when Charlie was approached by Ethan in the jungle. The man threatened that if they didn't return Claire to him, he would kill one of them and then another with every passing day.

"We can't give her to him!" Charlie protested immediately.

"I know, Charlie, I know," Jack admitted when pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to come up with a solution. "What if we track him?" he then turned to Locke who was also present. "Can you do it?"

"Maybe," the older man admitted," but what if he's not alone? Do you really think he could pull it all off by himself? Taking a pregnant woman and a grown-up man? And then hanging this man on a tree while… while what was happening to Claire?" Locke asked the perfect question and Jack saw the logic behind his reasoning. As a result, he truly didn't know what to do.

"We'll gather our people and guard them. We'll watch them over the night so nothing will get past us," Sayid suggested the best solution – or so it seemed.

* * *

The next morning a woman started screaming on the beach. There was a body there. The guy, Scott, was one of the survivors and it clearly wasn't just an accident as his bones and neck were broken. Ethan and any possible allies of his must've come from the water and there was nothing they could do to stop it in the end. Alice was terrified, her old fears and insecurities returning to her. She didn't want to die just when she found a good enough reason to go on living. Not when even though she had no family, she wasn't alone. Her time on the island had recently gotten so much better. She'd been falling in love, she'd made friends and even found pleasure when talking to people that she'd before thought of as unpleasant and unlikable.

Just when they had no other idea of how to survive another night and avoid Ethan killing them all, Claire found out about him from Shannon and offered to put an end to this by becoming a bait. It was highly dangerous for a pregnant woman, but what other choice did they really have?

Jack quickly gathered up a small group which would watch Claire and wait for Ethan to show up, so they could capture and interrogate him.

"Alice, you need to stay here," he told his girlfriend in a soft voice when she volunteered to help, too.

"Jack, I can't stay behind," she disagreed immediately. "I know you want to keep me safe, but I want to help. I want to be there so I'll know that you'll be all right. I can't just sit around and wait!"

"And I can't have one more person to protect," he explained, not even getting angry with her. "We need to focus on Claire's and our own safety. We can't watch out for you, too. I know you can take care of yourself, Alice," he added quickly, "but you can't shoot a gun and that's our only protection against them."

She knew that. She saw the reasoning behind his words. But it was still hard for her to let him go like this.

"Didn't you have four guns?" she asked, knowing that she should let it go and stay behind.

"I only have three people who know how to use them," Jack explained.

"Sawyer can shoot pretty well," she informed.

"Sawyer can shoot?" Jack repeated. It wasn't as though he couldn't believe her, it was that she immediately thought of the blond guy. "You can't be serious."

"He killed a polar bear right in front of me, Jack," Alice reminded him. "You might not like him, but you need all the people you can get and you know it. And it would be sweet that you're so jealous of him if it wasn't for the circumstances," she then added cockily.

"Jealous? I'm not…" he started.

"Oh, yes, you are," she interrupted him and put her arms around his neck, bringing him closer and kissing him. "Just be careful, ok?"

"Always am," he said and she made a face telling him that she didn't believe him. He just smiled at her and walked away with the rest.

* * *

While Jack with Sawyer, Sayid, Locke, Boone, Kate and most importantly, Claire, were gone; Alice was going out of her mind with worrying. Luckily for her, Shannon stayed by her side and kept her company. They didn't know where Charlie was, though. He should've been in the caves with them since Jack wanted him to stay behind. Something, yet, told Alice that he didn't and she could only hope he wouldn't do anything stupid that would put the others' safety in jeopardy.

And then, they finally came back, all wet from the rain that had surprised them earlier in the jungle. The weather acting crazy all over the island was yesterday's news. It could be all sunny and hot one second just to start pouring heavily in the next.

Alice saw with relief that all her friends and her boyfriend came back to the camp. She jumped to her feet and ran straight into Jack's arms. He caught her and embraced tightly even though his clothes were all wet whereas she was dry.

"Where's Ethan?" she asked when not seeing the perpetrator anywhere. "Didn't he show up?"

"Oh, he did," Jack answered with a sigh when letting her go from his arms, "but Charlie shot him dead."

"What? Why?" Alice wanted to know. It did seem suspicious to her that Charlie hadn't been in the caves, after all.

"He never wanted him to go near Claire ever again," Jack explained.

"So we're still grasping in the dark. Claire doesn't remember anything and we have no way of knowing what Ethan really wanted with her and if he was alone."

"Exactly," Jack confirmed, his expression morose.

"So, is everyone all right? Do they need you right now?" Alice wanted to know.

"Yes and no. Why?" Jack asked, but Alice just took his hand and led him out of the caves and straight to their favorite secluded spot in the jungle.

He didn't say anything when she sat him down on the blanket there and straddled him, kissing him and enjoying the closeness of his body. She could've as well lost him today, so she needed to reassure herself that they were all right. At least for now. They both needed each other, they both needed to forget about Claire going missing, about her not remembering anything and about Charlie killing Ethan. They needed to just relax, be together.

Alice started peeling off Jack's still drenched clothes, kissing his skin underneath whereas he was doing his best to undress her as well. She was right to bring them here again. He wanted to just sink into her, find his release within her body, feel his own relax, letting go of all the tension. They were simply there for each other, helping, listening, making love. That was what a real relationship should be all about, after all.


	6. Chapter 6

When the next day Alice wandered to the beach, Sawyer called out to her, "Now, that's one happy and satisfied woman!"

"You could keep your voice down, you know," she said when making her way to him and watching him cleaning his place.

"And where's the fun in that?" he retorted.

"And here I see one unhappy jerk," she answered back and he pretended to be hurt. "Seriously though, what happened here?" She pointed the mess.

"A boar," he told her.

"A boar?!" she repeated in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. He got into my tent and ransacked the place. I chased him into the jungle, but it was dark. By the way, I heard those strange noises Sayid was talking about, too," he mentioned.

"Are you sure you weren't just drunk?" Alice teased him, clearly having fun.

"I'm serious! Now I need to go look for my tarp!"

"All right. Let me go with you."

"What for?" He eyed her suspiciously.

"Well, I don't know, because I have nothing better to do? Come on, let's just go for a walk and maybe then you'll stop being so grumpy."

"We'll see how you'll be when a boar ransacks _your_ place!" Sawyer just retorted and Alice followed him, shaking her head.

They were already in the jungle, trying to track the boar when Alice suddenly stopped and reached out her hand. "James?" she asked.

"What?!" he asked, now even more grumpy because she dared use his real name.

"Listen," she just said and finally, he shut up. Then his eyes widened up.

They could clearly hear whispers in the jungle. Sayid was right and two people at once couldn't have possibly imagined it.

"We should get out of here," Sawyer finally decided when turning in the direction they'd come from. Suddenly, a boar came out of nowhere and charged him. The guy landed in mud and Alice couldn't help it, she just burst out laughing.

"Yeah, very fucking funny!" he said angrily when he managed to get up, all dirty and wet now.

"I'm sorry," she apologized since the laughing suddenly felt wrong. "But seriously, what did you do to that boar?"

"Nothing! I told you! Damn! Now I need to change my clothes!"

* * *

Eventually, Alice left Sawyer when Kate came over, offering her help. After all, those two could use some time alone together and the woman could actually track things.

"Aren't you spending too much time with Sawyer?" Jack asked his girlfriend when she walked over to him.

"Again?" Alice just asked him in exasperation. "Jack, you can't possibly be jealous all the time! I already told you to whom I'm committed."

"I know, but this isn't funny anymore. Recently you two are spending more and more time together," he voiced his concerns as gently as he could.

"Jack, I can't help liking men more than women… Okay…" she suddenly came to a stop and noticed Jack's amused expression. "Okay, that didn't come out right and was wrong on so many levels… I just… I don't know," she shrugged. "I guess I always found men easier to talk to than some women," she finally explained. "But I have my eyes only on one of them and this is the last time I'm reminding you of that." She actually poked his chest with her index finger.

"All right, I give up." Jack raised his hands in surrender. "I trust you."

"Good. Now, come with me," Alice encouraged when taking his hand.

"Where to?"

"To the back of the caves."

"The last time we were there, it collapsed."

"Michael checked it up. Nothing else will collapse there. Besides, no one goes there anymore."

"Alice, we only have two condoms left," Jack pointed out when understanding where she was going with this.

"Oh, we don't need a condom for that."

"Ok, now you've got me interested!"

* * *

The next morning Sawyer showed up in the caves to get some water. Alice spotted him and went over, curious of how it'd gone with the boar.

"Did you find the boar?" she asked.

"Kate did, but I… I didn't kill it," the guy admitted, suddenly avoiding Alice's eyes as though he was ashamed he hadn't gone through with it.

"Why not?" she just asked out of curiosity.

"He... or rather she… had young. I didn't see the point in shooting it," he said and shrugged like it wasn't that big of a deal, after all. Then he straightened up, having filled all his bottles. He made a few steps and sat down on a rock. Alice followed.

"You and Kate," she started, "you like her, don't you?"

First, he shot her a look that could kill, but she was used to his gruffness by now. She knew that beneath that façade hid a very troubled and hurt man. Actually, Sawyer and Jack weren't that much different when it came to having difficult pasts, only Jack had chosen another way to deal with it. He helped others whereas Sawyer did his best to hurt them and make them hate him.

"Isn't it obvious?" he eventually just asked.

"Don't worry. I won't tell," Alice assured him with a smile. "And just so you know, you two seem like a really good match."

"Like you a doc?" Sawyer finally riposted. "Match made in heaven, truly."

"Maybe… You know, our paths kind of crossed even before the crash," she suddenly confessed.

"Really?" James was clearly interested. "Do tell, sweetheart!"

For a moment there, Alice hesitated, not really knowing where to start and how to put it all together, but eventually she told him everything as best as she could. She believed that if she opened up to him, he would repay her with the same and maybe, just maybe she would be able to help him. She really was just like Jack, she then thought.

When she finished, Sawyer didn't know what to say. Clearly, he wasn't good at saying the right things to women or responding the right way to their sad stories. Eventually, he just went with what he got. He repaid her with more insight into his life and that was exactly what she counted on.

"I killed an innocent man in Australia," he confessed, avoiding her eyes and just looking down at his hands while playing nervously with his fingers. "I was told that the man was Sawyer, the very same one who destroyed my family. I pulled the trigger and then it was just too late… He didn't even know what I was talking about…" his voice broke a little and he stopped for a moment. Then he finished, "It turned out that I was used to settle a debt."

Now it was Alice who was speechless, but then she just got closer and put her arms around him, hugging him tightly. She was afraid he would push her away, but he didn't. He hugged her back.

"Do you know the last thing that man said to me?" he whispered into her ear.

"No. What was it?"

" _It will come around_. Alice, I don't want it to come back at me, but he was right, maybe it already has." His arms tightened around her. "Maybe this is it. We're in hell."

"We're not," she assured him when he actually sobbed into her hair. "We're surviving. We're learning. It's never too late to change, James. Revenge isn't the way. It never is," she told him and he finally let go of her. Soon enough, he got up, grabbed his bottles and was gone, probably embarrassed by the sudden weakness he showed her. She didn't call after him, she understood perfectly. He needed some time alone.

"I'm not even gonna ask," Alice heard Jack's voice and she turned to see him making his way to her.

"Oh, so you're making some progress, I see," she teased him when taking his hand.

"Yes, I do," he confirmed. "And you know what?"

"What?"

He leaned forwards and whispered into her ear, "I never had the chance to repay you for what you did for me yesterday."

"It was my pleasure," she assured him, but she did tremble.

"And you know what my pleasure will be? Just come with me."

* * *

The next day Alice tried to talk to Claire when she spotted her on the beach. They'd been friends before the woman lost her memories, so Alice hoped that even though Claire still didn't remember her, they could start over. They talked for a while when watching Michael working on the raft. It looked pretty good so far, Alice decided. Pretty good and solid, so maybe they could actually go somewhere on it and get help for those who would have to stay behind.

Only when the night had fallen and Alice with Jack were putting another condom to a good use, they heard screaming and once they ran into the beach, they saw the raft in flames. No one could tell for sure who'd done it, who'd set it on fire, but it was obvious that most of the survivors blamed Jin, Sun's husband. It was a pity, really, that they couldn't communicate with those couple to reach some understanding.

What happened, the fact that they were back at square one and that Claire was still amnesiac, put Alice in a very bad mood. The next morning she spotted Sayid and Shannon talking and laughing closely. Pretty soon everyone on the island would be pregnant and they would have a fucking blue lagoon there, Alice thought morosely. Yet, she did her best to sound cheerful when Shannon actually walked over to her.

"It's just awful what happened, isn't it?" the blonde asked with a sigh. "I mean, who would want to burn a raft? There are a million of other ways to get back at someone here."

"You know what? You're actually right," Alice admitted. Most of the people thought of Shannon as of an empty bimbo, but she was actually smarter than that. Much smarter. And Alice was glad that Sayid saw it. Well, in ideal world she would wish Shannon a different man, maybe someone who wasn't worshiping Allah every few hours, but Sayid actually seemed like a nice guy and not a religious fanatic on the contrary to other Arabs.

"So, you and Sayid? When did that happen?" Alice decided to ask, her inner curiosity winning over.

"Well, it just did," Shannon said and spread her arms. "I wasn't planning on it…" Their conversation was interrupted by a sudden commotion on the beach.

Alice was actually shocked when she saw Sawyer dragging a handcuffed Jin behind him.

"See? I caught him!" he called out to the survivors with pride and Alice could only watch him with disbelief on her face. Was he ever going to stop hurting people? How could he know for sure that the Korean was guilty? "You see?! His hands are all burnt!" He then pointed out.

All right, Alice thought, but was it a reason to actually handcuff the guy? He had nowhere to run to anyway.

Soon enough, Michael jumped to Jin and hit him, also sure that he was the one to burn the raft. And Sawyer only stood there, smiling. It was beyond cruel, Alice thought and wanted to do something, but there was suddenly a pair of hands on her shoulders and she looked back to see Jack standing there. "Don't," he only said when shaking his head. She knew he was just trying to keep her from getting hurt, even if it could happen accidentally.

And then something even more shocking than Sawyer handcuffing Jin and bringing him there like for a trial happened. Sun spoke. What more, she spoke in perfect English.

"Stop it! Leave him alone!" she screamed. "He didn't burn the raft! He tried to put the fire out and that is how he burnt his hands!"

Suddenly, everyone was quiet, just staring at Sun; including her own husband who clearly had no idea that his wife could speak English. That actually explained a lot, Alice thought, because why would Sun hide it otherwise?

In that moment, Sawyer just had to point out, "Didn't see that coming. Do you see the look on the hubby's face?"

Alice couldn't take it anymore. Her hand seemed to work on its own as she slapped the blond across the face.

"Ouch! What was that for?!"

"Didn't you listen to _anything_ I said to you?!" she just yelled at him, feeling so terribly disappointed. "You're not worth it, James," she said when shaking her head. "You're not worth my time and me trying to find a common ground with you. I think I was actually right about you the first time around." Then she just walked away, directing herself towards the caves. She could hear people finally speaking among each other and Sun arguing with Jin in Korean. Then she felt Jack's presence behind her again.

"Are you ok?" he simply asked when catching up with her.

"I don't know. I just… I need to be alone for a while, Jack."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" she snapped at him and then she just closed her eyes and slowly turned to face him when taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, too. It's just… it's been a really crappy week for me."

"I know, I get it," he admitted and let her leave.

* * *

Locke was one of the most mysterious survivors. He had an unusual talent to always say the right thing and he always sensed who needed to talk. This night he sat by Alice's side as she was just eating fried meat when staring into the fire blindly. Wherever Jack was, he still hadn't come back.

"Why any of us would want to destroy the only way home we had?" Alice eventually asked the older man. "Just like you said, we're not the only people on this island."

"That's true, but they didn't do it," Locke answered and she looked at him in surprise. He wasn't going to tell her that he'd done it himself, was he? That didn't make any sense.

"How can you be so sure?" Alice wanted to know. "And if so, why did you imply…?"

"To protect Walt," the older man simply said.

"Walt?" Alice opened her eyes widely. "Really?"

"He's just a lost boy who can't seem to find the right way to communicate with his father. But don't tell anyone."

"I won't, I promise," Alice assured him, surprised that he even shared that information with her in the first place.

"I know you won't." Locke smiled to her, briefly touched her knee and then stood up.

"How can you know?" she asked. She truly didn't get the man as he was the puzzle she could never really solve. She wished she'd known where he'd gotten all that knowledge and experience. Had it simply come with age? But he couldn't be _that_ old, could he?

"I know people, Alice and you are a very trustworthy one. You also don't seem to be giving up on anyone. He'll come around, I'm sure of it."

"Jack?" Alice asked with a frown, not getting it. She hadn't had any fight with Jack. What had happened earlier couldn't be really classified as one.

"Sawyer," Locke corrected. "I know you're trying to help him and one day you'll see that you have succeeded. You just have to be patient with him."

"I hope so, because right now…" her voice trailed off significantly.

"Just wait and see," John only repeated with a small smile and then he finally walked away.

* * *

The raft was slowly being rebuilt and – what was surprising – Jin was helping Michael. To a by-stander the whole situation was pretty comical since the men couldn't possibly carry a conversation without Sun to whom Jin hadn't spoken a word since that fateful day on the beach. And also since the day Alice had given up on Sawyer, she reminded herself morosely. Locke wasn't right, she decided right then and there. Sawyer would not come around. He was simply too damaged and he refused to change.

Michael needed a battery to try and send a signal once on the raft and they didn't have any. Somebody mentioned the French woman, Rousseau, but Sayid said he wasn't going to go to her since the last time she'd tortured and almost killed him. It was truly a big surprise to everyone when Hugo suddenly disappeared, having stolen Rousseau's notes from the Iraqi.

"He doesn't know what he's getting himself into," the man was just explaining to Jack. "She'll kill him."

"All right, then we'll go and catch up with him. Maybe we'll reach him on time to stop him," Jack said, picking up his backpack already full of water bottles.

Soon enough, Charlie came over as Hugo was his friend. He said he was going as well and then Alice decided to do the same.

"I'm not sure it's…" Jack started.

"Oh, come on! This is the twenty first century, Jack, so don't you treat me like some poor damsel in distress!"

"I'm not. It's just that Rousseau's a little unhinged."

"So what? I'm sick of just sitting on mu butt or visiting the beach. I need to go somewhere else, so it may as well be this. You said it yourself, we can catch up with Hurley and turn him back."

There really wasn't any time to argue, so Jack yielded. "All right," he said with a sigh. "But we need to go now."

"I'm all ready," Alice said with satisfaction, sending him a victorious smile. He just shook his head and started off into the jungle.

* * *

"So, Kate didn't want to come?" Alice asked Jack as they were making their way through the jungle.

"Why?" he asked, turning to her. "Oh, I get it! Suddenly being around men isn't so comfortable anymore?" he teased. "You were the one who told me that you preferred male company, weren't you?"

Alice laughed. "I do and I'm actually glad Kate isn't here. I'm just surprised since she was always the first in line to sign up for a trip."

"Well, she was busy talking to Sun on the beach," Jack explained. "Besides, she wasn't in the caves when I suggested going."

"I'm glad we're doing something else than just sit there. And hey, I'm with you. Have we ever gone anywhere together?"

"You mean _beside_ our place?" Jack smiled to her cockily and she playfully bumped into his side. "And you're away from Sawyer now, too," he reminded, still smiling at the memory of her slapping the guy.

"Don't you even remind me of that jackass!"

Jack started laughing when he saw the look on her face, but then they needed to stop talking as they finally stumbled upon Hurley. Unfortunately, the big guy refused to go back and they seemed to have no choice but to follow him and make sure he didn't kill himself in the process.

Sometime later, they encountered a line bridge and they all hesitated. Well, all except Hugo who just kept on walking.

"Hurley!" Jack called after him. "Hurley, come back here!"

"Dude, chill!" The big man just waved at the doctor and kept on going.

Alice shared Jack's fears. No one was insensitive enough to tell Hurley why it was so dangerous for him, but they were all afraid for him and preferred he hadn't gone there at all. When he was in the middle of the bridge, Alice's hand clenched over Jack's bicep, her heart pounding widely. She couldn't watch another person on the island die. She just couldn't.

But Hugo made it to the other side all right and Charlie, feeling optimistic, quickly followed…

"Charlie!" Jack warned him.

"Well, if he can do it," the man whispered and followed Hugo… until one of the boards underneath him broke. Alice screamed, but luckily, Charlie managed to jump to Hugo and the guy caught him just in time.

In the end, Jack called out to them that they should stay where they were and he would find a way around with Sayid and Alice. Of course Hurley didn't listen and once Sayid finally found Rousseau's camp, there was no sign of either Hugo or Charlie. What was worse, Jack tripped a wire.

"Stop!" Sayid yelled, but it was too late. There was an explosion and Alice felt the Iraqi grabbing her and pushing her to the ground.

"Jack!" she screamed as fast as she was able to speak and then she shakily got back on her feet. "Jack!"

"I'm fine! I'm all right!" he finally answered her, making his way to her. He was right, nothing happened to him.

"Oh, thank God!" She exhaled a breath of relief and threw herself into his open arms. "I was afraid there for a moment…"

"I'm fine," he repeated when hugging her tightly, "which I can't say about Rousseau's home," he then added and they all looked in that direction.

"She knew we would come. She must've moved on and made sure the whole thing exploded before any of us could get to what she left behind," Sayid explained when coming closer and examining the damage.

As they were looking for something to salvage, Charlie appeared.

"Where's Hurley?" Jack asked when seeing that the guy was alone.

"I don't know. Someone shot at us, man!"

"What?" Sayid dropped a piece of something burnt and straightened up.

In that moment, Hurley appeared, holding something in his hand.

"You wanted a battery?" he asked the Iraqi and handed it over while the man was just watching him incredulously. "She says hi by the way. We can go back now."

Alice and Jack just exchanged stunned glances and eventually followed the big guy.


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh, would you look at that!" Alice called out to Jack once she saw him coming back from the beach in the afternoon. "Somebody shaved!" She then walked over to him, cupped his face and kissed him. "I like these smooth cheeks," she voiced her appreciation.

"Why? Was I scratching you before?"

"A little," she admitted. "I'll have you know that my skin is very sensitive."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. That's why once we're out of this island, I expect you to always have a clean-shaven face." When she said that, she actually hesitated since they'd never really talked about what would happen once they were rescued or got out. Wasn't it too early in their relationship? Then again, there was really no point in talking about it since they couldn't possibly know what would happen. Life on the island was very isolated and even if they were surviving just all right now, they still lived in the constant fear of the other people who might've been out there.

"You know, Kate came to me today and asked me to help Sawyer," Jack stopped teasing his girlfriend and his voice grew serious. Apparently, he, too, thought there was really nothing to talk about when it came to their relationship and being rescued.

"Oh, did she now?" Alice just asked, still frowning at the memory of the guy.

"Yeah, he's actually been having bad headaches for quite some time."

"Whatever," Alice brushed it off. "It's not like he's going to die, is he?"

Jack took a closer look at her face. "You really hold a grudge against him, don't you?"

"So what if I do?" She remembered how Sawyer confessed to killing a man whose only fault was not being able to pay up a debt. Then she remembered how he handcuffed Jin and how he treated him. It wasn't a behavior of a normal and stable person, was it?

"He's not going to die," Jack just said. "Although he did think he had a tumor."

"Really?" that picked Alice's attention. "Was it that bad?"

"No. He just needed glasses."

"Glasses?" Alice repeated after Jack, stunned.

"Yeah. Once you see him reading, you'll have some fun. Sayid needed to solder together pieces from different pairs."

Once Alice heard that, she laughed out loud. "If I was still talking to Sawyer, I would go there right now and laugh straight into his face." She winked at her boyfriend.

"And he'd probably deserve it," Jack agreed and then she raised on her tiptoes to kiss him again.

They were interrupted by Locke screaming for help and soon after that, the man appeared in the caves, carrying Boone on his back.

"Jack! Help!"

Jack immediately switched to his doctor mode and showed Locke a place where he could lay Boone down, then he immediately checked the younger man up. Alice recoiled when she saw the gaping and bloody wound in his leg.

"What happened?" Jack asked when checking Boone's pupils.

"There was an accident. He fell from a cliff while we were hunting," the older man followed with his answer quickly.

"Ok, I'm going to need some towels, bandages, water… Locke!" Jack screamed, not understanding why John would suddenly just disappear.

"It's all right. I'll get it!" Alice offered and once she got the items, Jack started screaming at Hurley, "I swear to God, if you faint… I need alcohol!" He looked around, clearly not able to ask Hugo about that anymore. "I need alcohol! Alice, get to the beach!"

Only once Alice saw Jack exposing Boone's chest and then the blood there… she could just stand still and stare even though she didn't really want to see anything.

"Damn it, Alice, _run_!" Jack snapped at her and that did it. She grabbed a backpack and was gone.

She knew there was only one way to get the alcohol and it was by talking to Sawyer, but right now it didn't matter. All that mattered was helping Boone.

Once Alice stopped right in front of the guy in question, her chest raising and falling rapidly from the rush, her hands on her knees as she bent down to catch her breath; she didn't have the energy or time to laugh at his glasses. It wasn't even appropriate in such circumstances. Besides, he did took them off once he noticed the state she was in.

"Whose blood is this?" he asked in horror, seeing the red stains on her shirt. It must've gotten there when Jack had taken all those things from her.

"Don't pretend you care about me," she just brushed it off. "The blood is Boone's, not mine," yet, she still felt the need to explain. "He fell from a cliff and Jack needs alcohol. Now!" she screamed and was actually surprised when Sawyer got up immediately and gave her all the bottles he could find in a jiffy. Then again, a man's life was in danger and even Sawyer wasn't as stupid as to disobey.

"Can I help somehow?" he asked then, but Alice was already running back into the jungle, so he just stared after her sadly. "I guess not," he sighed.

* * *

When Alice finally made her way back to the caves – this time it took her a little while longer since she wasn't used to running in the heat through the humid jungle – she stilled once again, horrified by what she saw. Jack was actually giving Boone his own blood and his face was already pale. Alice didn't waste time trying to figure out how they even managed to perform a transfusion in such conditions.

"Is it safe?" she just asked, scared for her boyfriend. Sun was with him, looking pretty concerned herself.

"I think he's already given too much away," she informed. "He found one last bottle of alcohol and disinfected their skins, but he can't go on like this forever."

"You brought it? Good, give it to me." Jack turned to Alice and she handed him the backpack without questions. He grabbed it with his free hand and then she had to unzip it so he could reach inside and pour some of the liquid onto Boone's skin, cleaning the rest of his wounds.

Just then, Jin came running, screaming for the doctor and they were lucky to have Sun there to translate. It turned out that Claire was with Kate and she was just having her baby. Jack couldn't make the trip even if he wanted to, so he gave Charlie the directions to how to deliver a baby.

"I can't do it, man…" the musician started to panic.

"Yes, you can!" Jack screamed at him. "Just repeat it all to Kate and you'll be fine!"

Once Charlie and Jin were gone, Alice took a good look at Jack's face and what she saw there scared the hell out of her. He could barely stand, his skin was as white as sheet and there were beads of sweat all over it.

"Jack, this is enough. You've given him enough," she said. "You need to stop. It's clearly not working."

"No, it is working," he disagreed, shaking his head. "It's just that all the blood gathers up in his leg. He didn't fall. Something crashed it."

Alice looked at Sun and she could see that the Korean shared her fears. She didn't have a choice, she grabbed Jack's hand and gently extracted the needle from it. "That's enough," she repeated when meeting his eyes.

To her astonishment, instead of screaming at her, he just nodded and walked away on wobbly feet.

"I need to find Michael," he said then.

Once he did that and Alice actually listened to their conversation, she felt sick. Jack thought that Boone's leg needed to be amputated. She couldn't even look in that direction in fear that the doctor might've already prepared something and she would see it all happening. She just sat down on the nearest rock and started taking deep breaths, trying to get herself back under control. It wouldn't do her any good if she threw up. She barely heard Sun screaming at Jack, begging him not to do it. Apparently, it could already be too late. Boone was bleeding internally. Only Jack was stubborn as always.

Alice knew she should try and stop him, but she couldn't move. She just couldn't look. She felt nauseated and weak and shaky. Then it came as a relief to her that Jack didn't actually go through with the amputation. He wanted to, but Boone woke up and asked him not to. He told Jack to leave him alone and let him die in peace. And he did die. Boone died without his sister, Shannon, by his side. Well, at least he didn't die alone, Alice thought as Jack and Sun were there for him.

She didn't really know the young man all that well as he'd been spending most of his time hunting with Locke. The truth was that he'd barely even been around those last few weeks and she didn't know why. It wasn't like they'd caught any game.

"It's all right," Alice suddenly heard Jack's voice coming from behind her. She was still sitting there with her eyes closed, her body shaking. Soon enough, she was enveloped by his arms. "I had to let go, Alice, you were right," he said quietly. "I had to let go and God knows I have trouble with that. You know, my father once told me that commitment is what makes me tick, but I just can't let go."

She didn't say anything to that. She was just sitting there, savoring his embrace, her body slowly calming down.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Jack then apologized when she was still quiet. "If that's why you're not talking to me… I really am sorry. I didn't mean to."

"It's all right," she finally spoke when pulling away and looking at his face. "I'm not mad, Jack. I understand."

He only nodded, clearly fighting tears, so she cupped his face and looked him deeply in the eye. "There was nothing you could have done," she told him slowly.

He nodded again and then brought her closer once more. He cried while she held him.

* * *

Everyone gathered up on the beach the next morning to meet Claire's baby. Alice nearly gasped when seeing the little being in his mother's arms. He was so beautiful and so perfect. When Jack saw the look on her face, he didn't really know what to think of that, but then he was forced to push those thoughts aside anyway. They all noticed Shannon coming back to the beach with Sayid. In that moment, Jack's hand, that had been holding Alice's so far, let go of her and he walked towards the blonde. Alice watched as he was telling Boone's sister what happened and her heart went to both the doctor and the girl. Telling someone that their loved one was gone was definitely the hardest part of being a doctor, she decided as her eyes filled up with tears.

Once Shannon ran to the caves to say goodbye to Boone – or rather his body – Alice spotted Jack packing up a bag.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

She was truly worried about him since he hadn't slept through the night and he'd already given away so much of his blood. He should rest and eat something, not venture out to God knew where.

"To find John Locke," Jack answered when picking up his backpack. "He lied to me and I based my medical treatment on his lie! Boone didn't just die, he was murdered!" Having said that, Jack simply started off into the jungle.

"Wait!" Alice called after him. She couldn't possibly let him go alone in this state, could she?

* * *

After about half an hour, Alice wasn't able to hold it in anymore and she put her hand on Jack's shoulder to stop him. She was scared for him. His face was terribly pale and he was walking wobbly.

"Jack, we should really be getting back. None of us can actually track and Locke is experienced, he can hide from us if only he wants to. Besides, I think there'll be a funeral on the beach soon. Don't you want to be there?"

Jack closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Not that it helped him with being exhausted, but maybe it cleared his thoughts just a little. Eventually, even he knew that he had his limits and he just nodded, so Alice took his hand and led him back to the beach.

She was right, the survivors were already preparing for the funeral. Boone was Shannon's stepbrother, but in the end she wasn't able to say anything about him, so Sayid stepped up, praising the young man's courage and he wasn't wrong. Only that courage eventually killed him, Alice thought morosely. If only Boone hadn't been going hunting with Locke so often…

And then, speaking of which, Locke suddenly appeared on the site, admitting, "It was my fault. There was a plane on a cliff and I would've climbed up there, but my leg was hurt… Boone… he made the climb and there was a radio, so he tried to call for help. He must've put his foot wrong because the plane… it fell with him inside. It happened because he was trying to help us."

Alice didn't manage to stop Jack this time. He just let go of her hand and threw himself at Locke when screaming, "Where were you?! Where the hell were you, you son of a bitch?! You just left him there and you lied to me!"

The men around had to restrain Jack, pulling him off of Locke and then the doctor just collapsed and the screaming stopped altogether.

"Water!" Sawyer broke the silence to Alice's astonishment, but she didn't have the time to think about him suddenly being so caring. She got to Jack and cupped his face. He wasn't waking up.

"He's too exhausted to stay awake," Sun eventually said when checking Jack's pulse and putting Alice's mind to rest. "He just needs sleep and then I think he'll be all right."

Eventually, they transported unconscious Jack to one of the tents and Alice stayed by his side, watching over him as he slept. She reached out her hand and gently brushed his cheek. The stubble was back again, the smoothness of his skin didn't last for long, but she didn't mind at the moment. She just wanted him healthy and back on his feet. It was really the worse trait of all doctors - they cared about their patients, but kept forgetting about caring about themselves. Alice really wished Jack would do just that. She couldn't lose him since he was really all that she had right now. Suddenly, she had the strangest desire to just get pregnant. She wouldn't really mind that. And she wouldn't mind him being the father despite everything he'd told her. Well, she would mind the giving birth on the island part without any pain medications, but in the end, she would have a baby, a little being that she would be able to call her own and who would never leave her. At least not for about eighteen years of its life. Claire seemed to be alone, too, but she had that now. She had her baby boy. Alice would really like to know how that kind of unconditional love felt. While thinking about it and imagining what this baby would look like, she fell asleep when snuggling up to Jack.

* * *

Alice was suddenly jerked awake when Jack sat up and then raised to his feet.

"What…?" she asked groggily when rubbing her eyes.

"Was someone in here?" Jack just asked.

"What? I don't know. I fell asleep," she told him and eventually got to her feet as well.

"The key I had on my neck. The key to the gun case. It's gone," he explained. "Locke!"

"Jack, wait… Why would he take…?" Alice started when following him, but in that very moment Sayid came over to them, apparently having heard the whole conversation.

"Jack, it wasn't Locke," he said in such a sure tone that both Jack and Alice stopped and turned to him.

* * *

It was raining once they finally found Shannon in the jungle. Shannon holding a gun and aiming at Locke who was just standing there with his hands up in the air.

"Shannon," Alice spoke to her friend carefully. "Shannon, you don't really want to do this. Think about how this would change your life. Boone wouldn't like you to…"

"What if it was Jack who died?!" the blonde just screamed when looking at Alice and Sayid used that moment to charge her.

A shot rang out and Alice screamed, clinging to Jack, scared about the vision of him dying just like Shannon told her. Well, she wouldn't just go on, on a killing spree then, Alice thought, but she would do something else also involving killing. She would probably do what she'd intended to before Jack stopped her…

Luckily for everyone, Shannon missed and Sayid took her away from there, screaming and crying in his arms.

Jack was still sure that Locke lied to him, that he didn't tell him the whole truth about Boone's accident even though Sayid claimed to have seen the plane and verified the story. There was just something about what Boone had said, something about a hatch in the jungle.

* * *

As Jack was trying to find out more about the mysterious hatch Boone had told him about, he noticed that Alice had been spending an awful lot of time with Claire and the baby recently. He still didn't know what to think about her sudden interest in children, but it was definitely better than her trying to kill herself. Anyway, he had a busy day and didn't really have the time to spend it with his girlfriend, so maybe it was a good thing that she had something to do.

He was actually surprised when eventually Locke showed him the famous hatch even if he did it only because Sayid convinced him to. Then the day just got more busy as Michael was apparently poisoned by someone who didn't want him to leave on the raft the next day or simply wanted to take his place. In the end, Jack was surprised that it was actually Sun who was aiming at her husband. She didn't want to lose him, but then the doctor told her that if Jin wanted to go, he would and all she could do was to say goodbye. He did promise to keep her secret, though.

* * *

"You look tired," Alice said when Jack met her in their favorite spot in the jungle, at the back of the caves. It was a place where they could be alone and talk if they didn't want anyone else to hear them or… if they wanted to do some other stuff.

For a while, he contemplated whether he should tell Alice about the hatch, but then he decided she deserved to know. She was very trustworthy and they were together for real, so he owed her his honesty.

"Where do you think it leads?" she asked both in curiosity and fear.

"I don't know. Sayid thinks we shouldn't open it, but I think we should. Worst case scenario we'll have shelter."

"Maybe it was there to protect people from whatever sickness Rousseau told us about," Alice came up with. "You know, if there was an outbreak here once, maybe the hatch was build to contain people inside, to isolate them."

"It actually makes sense," Jack admitted with a nod. "But even if, we shouldn't be afraid of it. If it's locked from the inside, then it was definitely used for protection against whatever was on the outside."

"And we know well that there _is_ something on the outside," Alice agreed.

"If we figure out a way to open it, we'll know," Jack decided.

"So, the raft leaves tomorrow morning," she changed the topic of the conversation.

"Yeah," he admitted. "I really hope they survive and come back with help, but still, it may be a while."

"Can we stop talking about danger? Just kiss me already!" Alice then said and Jack smiled at that. Then he complied. "I need you so much," she told him when their kisses grew more urgent.

A part of him worried that she might be doing this on purpose, but the other part didn't really care. And then he stopped thinking altogether when her hand found itself in his pants. He didn't have the strength to stop her even though they didn't have any condoms left. Life on the island was hard, especially for him when everybody expected him to make the decisions and they kept going to him for medical advices on the daily basis. There were times that he couldn't even move from the beach because everyone just needed to ask him something. And then there was Alice and with her he could find the kind of peace and release he so desperately needed. Not that she was just a body for him to use, he wasn't that kind of a guy. He really, deeply cared about this woman and wouldn't survive if something happened to her. And right now she just kept him grounded, kept him sane, made him forget.

* * *

The next dawn, the French woman showed up at the beach camp, informing that the others were coming.

The survivors quickly called for Jack who came running with Alice and a few others from the caves, ready to listen to Rousseau. They were all terrified of her story, of how the others had come a few days after she'd given birth and how smoke was seen above the jungle, signaling their coming. This time the enemies were apparently after all the survivors.

"You have three choices," she went on, "run, hide or die."

Needless to say, they needed to launch the raft as soon as possible and they needed to finally open the hatch. Suddenly, anything that could be found down there seemed less harmful than people like Ethan coming for them and killing them all. Hiding seemed like their only option.

First, Jack and Michael got everyone to work on the raft. Alice helped, too, of course, but she did her best to ignore Sawyer, treating him like he wasn't even there. Once they were done with the raft, they all saw the smoke above the jungle in the distance and that was how Rousseau's words actually came true. How did the woman know, that remained a mystery, but they didn't have the time to dwell on it. At least thanks to her they knew where to look for the dynamite on the island as it seemed to be the only way to open the hatch. Rousseau called the place the Dark Territory.

Before venturing out into the jungle, Jack came over to the beach again to say goodbye to Alice. She wasn't going with and this time she wasn't even arguing about it. She was more needed on the beach by the raft than she was in the jungle.

"Just be careful, all right?" she asked him in a shaky voice as he pulled her aside.

"Alice, I need to tell you something first," he said in a serious voice.

"What is it?" she got worried.

"I just… I met Sawyer in the jungle and he told me something…"

"Jack, I don't…"

"Just listen, ok?" Jack cut in, looking at her with a strange expression in his eyes.

"Jack, are you all right?" she then asked because she knew him well enough by now to tell if there was something wrong.

"By a weird coincidence…" Jack started again and stopped, but then he realized they didn't have much time, so he just said it, "Sawyer met my father in a bar back in Australia."

Alice's expression faltered. She didn't hold a grudge against Jack, but she couldn't just forgive his father – even if he was gone – for causing the death of her twin sister.

"Apparently, my father was sorry," Jack continued, avoiding her eyes, his own set on something in the distance. "He told Sawyer how he was afraid to call his son, a surgeon back in Los Angeles. He told him how he was sorry and ashamed about what he did… to a certain girl that caused another to lose her whole family." By that time Alice had tears in her eyes. "He said… he was actually proud that I stood up to him and got him suspended. He was grateful that I finally did it so he couldn't hurt anyone else. He knew he did something wrong, Alice," Jack repeated when meeting her eyes, his being equally watery, "and he was sorry. I know it may not be enough for you to ever forgive him, but I thought you should know… And when it comes to forgiving," he then started again, "I really think you should forgive Sawyer. He is sorry, too."

Alice actually chuckled, feeling the need to express something else than just the sorrow she was feeling. "Oh, really? He told you that?"

"He didn't have to."

"So, suddenly he's your best buddy now?" she asked bitterly.

"Alice."

"I know. I'm sorry." She shook her head when biting on her lip. "I'll think about it, I promise and… thank you for telling me about your father. It's easier to at least know that he was sorry for what he did. That he… he understood," she confessed and cupped Jack's face, then looked him deeply in the eye. "Just come back to me in one piece, ok? I can't lose anyone else."

"I will. I promise," he assured her and then he turned around, ready to walk away. Yet, he came to a stop and hesitated, then turned towards her again and grabbed her face when crashing his lips against hers, kissing her with affection. "I… I love you, Alice," he confessed with his forehead pressed against hers, his eyes looking into her browns from up close. She was stunned there for a moment and then she actually smiled through her tears.

"I love you, too, Jack," she told him as though it was the most natural thing in the world. And maybe it was.

"We'll see each other again," he promised her when still being so close, still holding on to her. "We'll survive this, I'll make sure of that."

"You better," she said and they briefly smiled to each other before he finally walked away. And she was watching him until he disappeared from her view, in the same time remembering herself getting on the plane back in Sydney.

 _She wanted it all to just end. She didn't see the point of boarding the plane, of getting back. What was she getting back to, exactly? A few casual friends and a bookstore? She had no one and nothing else. No life. No close, real friends who would truly care about her. She'd had Annie and that had been enough until… Alice shut her eyes and shook her head, trying to stop the tears, but they were still flowing down her cheeks. Eventually, she went to the airport bathroom and splashed some water over her face. Then she looked at herself in the mirror. She was staring at her face – a face that also belonged to Anne – and she couldn't believe she would never talk to her sister again. As morbid as it sounded, she could get over losing her parents. She would lose them eventually, after all since that was the natural order of things, but she never expected to lose her sister as well. It was just too much. It was the last straw that broke the camel's back and she didn't know how to deal with it, how to live anymore._

 _She actually contemplated breaking the mirror and slashing her wrists with the glass. Only in that moment the door burst open and a man with short blond hair appeared in it._

 _"Oh, I'm so sorry. I could've sworn it was the men's bathroom," he apologized quickly. "Are you all right?" he then asked when taking a closer look at her._

 _"Yeah… Yes, I'm fine. Thank you," she said and he finally left. She just shook her head and blew her nose into a paper towel._

Now, as Alice finally lost Jack from her sight and somehow got the closure she seemed to need, she felt like maybe, just maybe she could forgive Christian Shephard. After all, he did love his son while he lived and he was sorry. She started a completely new life on this island and once they were all back home, she was sure that it would only get better. Because Jack loved her. She was loved and she was sure that he wasn't just throwing his words to the wind. He really meant it. And she meant it, too.

"Hey, Alice," Charlie came over in that moment, waking her up from her reverie. "I'm taking messages from all the people, you know, to put it on the raft so your loved ones will know that you're alive. Wanna pitch in?"

"No," Alice said, shaking her head and feeling sorrow overcoming her again. But then she thought of someone and she actually smiled to Charlie. "I have the person I love right here with me."

"Right." He just nodded and walked away.

Once Alice walked over to the raft, wanting to help Michael with whatever she still could, Sawyer stood in her way.

"Hi," he said in an unsure voice. "Alice, I…"

She was just looking at him expectantly. She would talk to him if Jack wanted her to, but she wasn't going to make it easy for him.

"Oh, so you're not making it easy on me, are you?" Sawyer just sighed, guessing what she was thinking just right. "Ok, here it goes - I'm sorry. God knows I've never really apologized to anyone in my entire life because it's not really my style, but I'm doing it right now. I think you're worth it, so I am sorry, Alice. Can you please, forgive me before I get on this raft and sail away into the unknown, possibly be killed…" he started counting out and she actually started laughing, discovering that she, indeed, had already forgiven him.

"It's all right. You're forgiven," she said.

"Really? That's great. Truth be told, you seemed to be the only real friend I've ever had and you believed in me for much longer than anyone would, so thanks for that."

"Oh, don't make me cry! Just give me a goodbye hug and don't you dare dying out there, all right?"

"I'll do my best, sweetheart," he said with a smile and put his arms around her.

She actually felt like crying now that it sank in that she cared about him and that he was really leaving. She hoped she would see him again soon. And then she started crying for real when he let go of her and soon enough the raft was put in the water and it sailed away.


	8. Chapter 8

Jack was terrified even though he didn't let it show. Artz had already blown himself up when handling the dynamite and ironically, he was supposed to be the one who knew what he was doing. Or maybe exactly that killed him. Maybe he was overconfident, too eager to do something for a change as Jack had overheard him earlier complaining to Hurley about feeling left out of the so-called clique. Were they really like that? Jack wondered. Had they formed a clique? Still, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered if he could blow up any second. He needed to be careful since he needed to come back to Alice. He didn't even want to think what losing him would do to her now when Sawyer was probably already gone.

He just wanted to see her again.

* * *

In the meantime, Alice was helping the survivors from the beach to relocate to the caves where they would be safer than out in the open. The others had already proven once that they could come for them from the water unexpectedly.

She was just about to go when she spotted Shannon struggling with her baggage and the dog Walt had left her. Alice decided to go over there and help her friend, but in that moment Sayid reached the blonde and Alice just smiled. Shannon hadn't been herself lately when not taking enough care of her appearance – in comparison to what lengths she'd gone before Boone's death, the difference was striking – and not speaking to anyone for longer than few seconds. She kept pushing people away and Alice didn't know how to help her. She hoped that if anyone could get through to the girl, it would be Sayid.

As they were finally in the jungle and heading straight to the caves, they suddenly heard Charlie's scream as he caught up with them and ran straight to Sayid, informing that Rousseau was on the beach, asking for him. Yet, when the Iraqi got there, it was already too late since the French woman had hit Claire in the head and taken her baby. Alice's heart went out to Claire. She couldn't even comprehend what the young mother must've been feeling and she remained by her side, taking her to the caves after Charlie and Sayid convinced her that it would be faster if they went for the baby alone. They promised to return Aaron to her – Alice thought it was a lovely name – and just asked her to wait. Claire couldn't do anything anyway and there was blood on her hair from where Rousseau had struck her. Needless to say, she was in no condition to make the trip.

"Charlie and Sayid will get the baby back. I'm sure of it," Alice tried to comfort the young mother when sitting next to her in the caves.

"Do you think we're being punished?" Sun, who was nearby, suddenly asked.

"By whom?" Alice frowned at that.

"Fate?"

"We're not being punished and there's no such thing as fate," Claire suddenly said in a harsh voice, but it sounded like she had trouble believing it herself. Alice understood because the blonde had been put on the plane by a psychic who'd apparently foreseen that it was the only way she'd stay with her baby. Still, it seemed he hadn't foreseen a crazy French woman trying to steal that baby.

"I agree that we're not being punished," Alice said when touching Claire's hand to give the woman some support. "If so, I am being punished all the time. My family dies, I lose everyone, the plane I'm on crashes, I fall in love with someone and now I may lose him, too," she counted it all out. "He went to get the dynamite and if that's not dangerous enough… We all know what else is on this island."

"Jack will be all right and so will the baby," Sun then said. "They'll come back to us."

Alice really wished it were so easy for her to believe.

* * *

"I don't believe in destiny," Jack said to Locke as they were talking by the hatch, preparing the dynamite.

"Yes, you do. You just don't know it yet," the older man argued and Jack ended the conversation right there.

Didn't he, really? He started thinking about it. He was so adamant on believing only in what he could do and not in what something else - fate, destiny or whatever - could throw at him. Maybe he did it because it made him feel more in control? Yet, he did think of the coincidence of meeting Alice and of what they had in common, of how she was in his life now and how important she was to him. He would've never known her if it hadn't been for the plane crash.

He stopped himself right there. He couldn't let Locke get to his head like that. There were more important things to do at the moment anyway. They needed to blow up the hatch so he could provide shelter for all the survivors, come back to Alice and never let her go.

* * *

It worked. The dynamite blew the hatch door right off, revealing a dark pit and a broken ladder. And just then, Jack got the strangest feeling that he should simply be done trying to get inside. He wouldn't hide forty people there without a proper ladder. Besides, even though he wanted to see the place, it was madness at the moment as it was still dark, so he just turned around and decided to come back to the camp. He hadn't been there since morning and he needed to make sure that everyone was safe before he would try something with the hatch again.

* * *

Alice was waiting for Jack and in the meantime she was watching Charlie and Sayid bringing Claire her baby back. Then Shannon shared a warm welcome with the Iraqi. Everything seemed to be fine, everything seemed to be back to normal except that Jack was still missing.

And then she nearly sensed him being close because once she turned, he just walked out of the jungle. She got up and ran to him without saying anything. She just threw herself into his arms and he hugged her tightly. Next, said straight into her ear, "It's good to be home."

"We're in the middle of the jungle," she pointed out, nearly laughing now that she had him back safe and sound. She pulled away and looked at him.

"So?" He shrugged. "You're my home now."

That sentence melted her heart and she was in a serious danger to get carried away by her emotions. They'd already said 'I love you' to each other and she really didn't want to break down now, so she just asked hoarsely, "How did it go?"

Jack relayed everything to her. How they'd opened up the hatch. How her theory might've been correct since there was a quarantine sign on the inside of it like it was really meant to shelter and to protect. Then Alice told him how Charlie thought that Rousseau made up that the others were coming that morning, how she'd taken Claire's baby, catching her unguarded while they'd been evacuating. How she'd tried to trade the baby for her Alex after setting the fire and creating the smoke, but to no avail. The others, if they were even real, hadn't showed up.

Once Jack spoke to the crowd, informing them of everything that had happened and of, unfortunately, Artz's death, Shannon came running from the jungle, claiming that she'd seen Walt there. She seeded panic among people, but Sayid quickly calmed them down, telling her that she was probably exhausted and just needed to rest, that Walt was surely safe on the raft.

Jack was bent on staying in the caves and waiting for the morning, but then Locke came back, took a rope and was gone again, taking Kate with him.

"This man will break his freaking neck," Jack cursed as he couldn't possibly stop John. "I'm going."

"What? No. It's dangerous!" Alice protested when holding on to him.

"I just can't let anyone else die. I'll be back. Don't worry."

Alice waited whole five minutes before she just shook her head. She was done worrying about Jack and she would just join him. She didn't want to be around Shannon right now anyway since the blonde was still rumbling about seeing Walt in the jungle and it was only giving her goose bumps.

"I am so going to regret this," Alice sighed when finally looking into the dark pit of the hatch. "Screw it!" She began her way down.

* * *

Alice stopped counting around the fifth time she cursed as she was lowering herself into the hatch. When she reached the bottom, she was actually surprised that she'd made it and hadn't broken her neck in the process. Then again, humans were capable of anything when the right pressure was put on them and she just wanted Jack to be safe. And judging by the fact that she was met with complete darkness and nothing and no one in particular, she was only assured in her decision to get down there. Suddenly, out of nowhere, music was turned up to a maximum volume, becoming nearly unbearable for her ears. Then it stooped as soon as it started and once she made a few steps forward, regretting she hadn't taken any gun with her even though she didn't know how to shoot, she finally heard some voices. She came to a stop, just listening and soon enough she could figure out what was going on. She felt sudden fear freezing her insides as she realized that the hatch wasn't empty, that there had been a man inside the whole time they'd been on the island and probably even longer. The man was threatening both Jack and Locke now.

"Damn it," Alice cursed under her nose, not really knowing what to do. Then she actually listened harder since she could swear she heard something else. Something coming from…

She came over to the nearest door as soundlessly as she possibly could and pressed her ear to it.

"Is someone in there?" she asked quietly.

"Alice?" It was Kate. "Alice, let me out."

If someone knew what to do in a situation like this, it was definitely Kate, Alice decided and unlocked the door which clearly only had a knob on the outside.

"You want a chocolate bar?" was the first thing Alice heard from Kate when she saw her and she was just standing there, looking at the ex convict incredulously.

"Maybe we should save Jack and Locke first?" Alice finally suggested and they both turned slowly in that direction, Kate leading.

They soon came to another stop when they heard Jack saying, "You," with clear recognition in his voice and both the women just looked at each other. Could Jack really know the guy in the hatch? If so, _how_?

In that moment, luckily for them, Kate spotted a gun and soon after that, the stranger was hit in the head, his own gun released from his hand and an accidental shot rang out.

Jack jumped and wanted to reach the man to immediately bound him, but then he noticed both Kate and Alice.

"What are you doing here?!" he asked sharply the latter and was by her side in no time. "Are you all right?"

Alice only managed to nod, relieved that they all seemed to be ok when they heard coming from the stranger, "What have you done?! We are all going to die!"

Alice froze when hearing that and felt Jack leaving her side to get to the man who was still lying on the floor and now looking at the computer with terrified expression.

"We need to fix it!"

There was smoke coming out of the hardware as the bullet had clearly hit it.

"No. We don't need to fix anything," Jack said when shaking his head and grabbing the stranger so he could help him up to his feet.

"Do I know you, brother?" the man asked when he took a good look at Jack's face.

Suddenly, Jack let him go and jerked back, turning to the computer as though he was trying to hide his face. Alice frowned when coming closer to him.

"How do you know him?" she whispered when standing right behind him and placing her hand on his shoulder. The others didn't hear them since they were currently listening to what the stranger had to say about the computer.

"Not now," Jack just said.

"No. I want to know."

Then Jack turned around and sent her a look that she could only read as he was sorry and would explain everything later. She seemed to have no choice but to settle for that.

In the meantime, the guy from the hatch was trying to assess the damage made to the hardware. "You killed us all!" he kept on screaming.

"Ok, would you care to explain?" Jack asked, clearly on the verge of his patience.

They all just stood there, completely taken aback when the man started telling them everything there was to know about a button that needed to be pushed every 108 minutes and how the counter on the wall was already down to 90 something, how they needed to fix the computer or else it would have disastrous consequences.

Kate volunteered to get Sayid who knew a lot about fixing electrical devices and Jack just sent her a look that clearly meant to express his surprise that she was even taking the stranger seriously.

"It sounds like a tale of a crazy person who's been locked down here for way too long," he eventually said as though it was his medical diagnosis of the man.

"You need to watch the video," he only received in answer.

"What video?" Locke's interest was immediately piqued.

"The Orientation video!"

* * *

As they finished watching the tape, they still didn't know what to think. Alice was shocked that so many experiments had taken place on the island. She sought Jack's hand, needing to know that he was there by her side and they were both safe, that whatever else was or had been happening outside the bunker, simply didn't matter at the moment.

Once the movie ended, Locke suggested watching it again, but Jack just shook his head and walked into another room, Alice following.

"Ok, talk," she said, folding her arms on her chest and waiting for him to tell her everything she didn't know.

"It's nothing, really," he assured her before he started. "I just think I met this guy once while I was running on the stadium and hurt my ankle. He said he was training for a regatta around the world and that could actually explain why he's here right now. He might've crashed on this island just like we did. Anyway, it was right after Sarah's surgery and I was sure she would be left paralyzed. He was the one who told me to believe in miracles and when I came back to the hospital… a miracle actually happened. Sarah could wiggle her toes."

"All right," Alice said when hearing all of that. "All right. And you know what? I don't care. I don't care about a fucking computer that's supposed to be saving the world. I don't care that apparently, there's been more going on, on this island and that we might've just found an explanation to why this place hasn't been discovered yet. Maybe it was a government's secret project that was abandoned and the guy didn't know about it because he was locked down here. Maybe he was left behind. Maybe they left in a hurry. I do not care!" she repeated, raising her voice and then glancing to the main room to see if the stranger was trying to listen in on their conversation. "This hatch may be creepy, but you were right, in worst case scenario we have shelter. And it's actually better because there's food stashed in here."

"I'm glad that we share the same opinion," Jack finally spoke when Alice finished her rant. He only hoped that she didn't just say all of that to calm her own mind.

Eventually, they went back to the stranger who was still trying to fix the computer. Jack did his best to speak to his mind, to convince him it was all just a mind game, yet the guy refused to listen.

And then he turned the computer on and all the fuses were blown. The next thing Jack and Alice knew, the man was running away, leaving them.

"Well, at least now we have the place all to ourselves," Jack just said and Alice nearly laughed, but she stopped herself when she saw the expression on Locke's face. He was a believer and a tough guy, she decided. A tough guy to convince that it hadn't all happened for a reason. To be honest, Locke's determinism terrified Alice and she'd rather just leave this place so she could assure herself in the fact that it was all, indeed, a mind game and they wouldn't blow up or something if they didn't push that damn button every hundred something minutes.

Once Jack and Alice used the back door to leave and found themselves back in the jungle and in the light of the day, she felt much better.

"Locke is crazy," her boyfriend just said in anger. "I can't listen to him any longer."

"Jack, calm down," Alice advised when touching his arm. She could see how thrown off-balance he actually was. "It's just a hatch and a number of experiments performed many years ago. And hey, maybe there's a shower down there!" she pointed out since the stranger looked clean to her.

"You and your dirty mind," Jack teased her.

" _My_ dirty mind?! I was thinking about a real shower, mind you, and not about sex in the shower! It's your mind that goes south, mister!" She poked him with her finger.

"Oh, really?" Jack just asked when smiling to her and getting closer.

"Really." She smiled back before she kissed him. "This whole place is crazy, but we are steady. We'll just keep holding on to each other," she decided.

"Agreed."

They suddenly heard some rustle in the trees and they jumped away from each other only to see the stranger coming back.

"I remember you," he said when pointing Jack. "You twisted your ankle… you were running… What happened to that gal?" he suddenly asked, clearly meaning Sarah.

"It doesn't matter," Jack dismissed the question, not feeling comfortable with it.

"Did you help her?" the stranger wasn't giving up.

"It doesn't matter!" Jack raised his voice and Alice nearly jumped, surprised by how sore a point Sarah truly was for his.

"Come on. What…"

"I married her!" Jack yelled, tears welling up in his eyes. "Ok?! I fucking married her!"

The stranger looked at Jack, then he shifted his eyes to Alice and she didn't like the way he looked at her. Like she was a puzzle to be solved.

"But you're not married to her anymore," he guessed.

"It was a mistake," Jack explained, his voice coming back to normal. "Just like yours was to push that damned button for so long. It's not real…" Jack thought for a second before he remembered the stranger's name, "Desmond."

"And you're Jack, right? Anyway, in about fourteen minutes you'll be very right or very wrong, brother. Remember the numbers: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. See you in another life, brother." After that, he disappeared in the jungle for good.

Jack quickly realized that he was alone. Alice was gone as well. She must've come back to the hatch, he decided and sighed heavily.

* * *

"It's not 48, it's 42," Alice corrected Locke who was just entering the code into the clearly fixed computer.

"Alice," she then heard Jack's voice right behind her.

"What if it's real, Jack?" she asked him. "What _if_? It's better to be safe than sorry, right?"

"You have to do it, Jack," Locke then said, standing up and refusing to push the execute button himself. "It has to be you."

"Why, John? _Why_?" Jack just asked and they all heard the alarm. The counting was dangerously close to zero.

"Because you need to believe."

"Don't tell me what…"

The alarm suddenly stopped, the counter back to 108.

They all looked back at the computer and at Alice who was standing there, having just pushed the button.

Jack only turned around and left, so she followed him.

"Jack!" she called after him.

"Did you just do it because you were mad at me for mentioning Sarah? For marrying her?" he asked, turning to her.

"What?" Alice asked in surprise and frowned. "Jack, it doesn't matter. It's in the past. You don't love her. You said you loved me."

"And I do," he confirmed.

"Then be with me," she told him when reaching for his hand. "The button… it's not about us and I get that you're not a man of faith. That's why I'm here! I'm going to have faith for the both of us, ok? I just can't help thinking that the way we met… just everything… the plane crash… you helping me stay alive… us dealing with what your father did… I mean, Sawyer met him in Australia! And now you meet a guy you bumped into years ago in LA? Jack, those can't possibly be just coincidences! I don't know what it all means yet, but I know that it has to mean _something_! I don't expect you to start believing. I'm just asking you to believe in me."

"But you were the one who came up with the theory that it was all just one big experiment," he pointed out.

"I only told you that to think clearly and to try convince myself as well, but the truth is that I just don't know, Jack. What I know is that it's better to be safe than sorry, so please, let's just not risk it."

"All right," he finally agreed with a nod.

"Really?" she seemed surprised that it went so easily.

"We'll do what you just said," he assured her and then pulled her into his arms.

* * *

Life went on. The discovery of the hatch didn't change much, they just took shifts now in pushing the button and Hurley was doing inventory on the food that was there.

Alice, having discovered a bathroom, snatched a bottle of shampoo and some shower gel and enjoyed her very first, hot and aromatic shower she'd had since… she couldn't really remember. It felt like heaven, all her muscles relaxing under the stream of the hot water… which suddenly grew cold and she shook, but then it was hot again. Well, she couldn't complain much after all the entirely cold showers she'd had on the island before. And the lack of soap. And shampoo. She could actually feel her hair eating up the shampoo, smoothing out and she couldn't wait to see it when it would dry off.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jack and Sayid were trying to figure out a way to get to the magnet that seemed to be hidden in the hatch. Sayid claimed that it might actually be dangerous since the titanium wall was separating them from it and yet, the key on Jack's neck was still pulled forward by it. It didn't change the fact that they needed to find out as much as they could about the hatch and the button, though. So far, they guessed it all had something to do with that magnet.

Then they heard a very strange sound, so Jack offered to check it out only to get out of a trapdoor and enter a room that seemed to be a bathroom and walk in on… Alice wrapped up in a towel and just leaving the shower.

Jack's eyes grew bigger.

"Hey," he said stupidly, already feeling his body reacting to both naked Alice – who smelt very good, by the way – and the shower behind her.

"Hey," she answered, freezing in the middle of the bathroom. "I found a shower."

"I can see that," he just said and then walked straight towards her, cupping her face and kissing her, then pushing her back into the cabin.

"Jack, what are doing?" she asked against his lips when giggling.

"Remembering my fantasy about taking a shower with you," he said idly and snatched the towel away, leaving her completely naked.

"Oh, really? I thought it was sex in the shower," she teased him when taking the shirt off of him and then working on his belt.

"First shower and then sex in the shower," he decided when they walked into the cabin, both equally naked now.

* * *

Alice and Jack didn't remember the last time they'd been so relaxed and happy. Hugo came to a conclusion that the food in the hatch wouldn't last for long when there was forty people on the beach, so he decided to give it all away, making a feast.

Alice just finished eating her delicious serving and was now snuggling into Jack, enjoying the moment and the heat coming both from the fire and from his body. He put his arms around her and she leaned against his chest.

"Oh, you got some food here," he whispered and kissed and then licked gently on the skin of her neck and she laughed because she knew it was just an excuse. Like he needed one anyway. They were together. Although they were together in public now.

Alive loved how relaxed and happy Jack seemed to be that night. She even let her mind wander, found herself dreaming of them being rescued, of Sawyer and Michael and Jin bringing help. She was dreaming of the life they would have. She would work in her beloved bookshop and Jack would be a doctor in a real hospital again. They would spend their evenings and nights together and weekends. They would be happy, maybe even have kids one day… She saddened when she realized that she went too far. They might never get out of the island. Discovering of the hatch and some basic conveniences like a bathroom and shelter was clearly messing with their heads. They might have a feast now, but the next day they would be back to square one. They would be back to eating fruit and meat from game caught in the jungle.

Still, they had this moment now. She was in it and she would enjoy it while it lasted, so she relaxed against Jack's chest again and folded her arms over his that rested against her stomach. For now, she was happy.


	9. Chapter 9

It happened when Alice, Jack, Charlie and Hugo played golf one afternoon. Alice – still a very inexperienced golfer – sent the ball flying far into the jungle and went to look for it with Jack, not giving up and still hoping to get back to the hole. She'd lose anyway, but at least trying would count for something.

"Here, I've got it!" Jack called to her when he spotted the ball – a real miracle since he was sure they wouldn't find it but went along with Alice just to get some alone time. Unless they came back to the caves, there was always someone else in the room in the hatch minus the shower, but still, if they locked themselves there together, everything would be clear to everyone and that would be kind of embarrassing.

"Alice?" he asked when he didn't hear her response and then he looked at her, seeing her staring at something in the jungle with a terrified face. Once he followed that direction, he gasped himself on seeing a tall, black guy carrying unconscious Sawyer on his shoulders.

"Where's the doctor?" the stranger asked.

"What-what happened?" Alice stammered. When she was finally able to move, she ran towards the man.

"Alice!" Jack still called after her, trying to stop her. "He can be dangerous!"

"He just brought Sawyer back!" she argued as she reached them and quickly checked the pulse when pressing two of her fingers into her friend's neck. "What happened?" she asked shakily.

"He got shot," the stranger simply answered.

"How?!" Jack asked incredulously when following Alice and trying to help the man carry Sawyer.

"I got this," the African assured him. "Just tell me where the doctor is."

"I am the doctor. Come with me!" Jack quickly gave the command, leaving the golf ball and leading the stranger straight to the hatch.

"Who are you?" Alice asked him on the way.

"I'm from the tail section of the plane. We landed in the ocean on the other part of the island," the man finally explained.

"How many?" Jack wanted to know. "Where's the rest?"

"Only a few of us survived," the African eventually answered. He didn't seem to be a very talkative person. "Your friends. They were attacked by _them_."

Jack only nodded as though it explained everything and it actually did. The fact that the others had guns only made him worry more.

They finally reached the hatch and Alice opened the door, letting the man with Sawyer in, then she and Jack followed.

"Into the shower! We need to beat the fever!" Jack commanded and once the black man left Sawyer there, Alice immediately turned on the cold water. Then she just stood still, staring at James's unconscious and shaking figure; terrified for his life, terrified of what might've happened out there on the raft. Was Shannon right when she said she saw Walt in the jungle? Alice suddenly wondered, really wanting to ask the blonde about it, but James was more important at the moment.

She just then realized that Jack was talking to her, telling her what he needed, so she ran to his medicine cabinet.

By the time she came back, Jack transported Sawyer onto a bed and for a change, the blond actually started to shake with cold.

"He needs antibiotics," Jack stated, but Alice already knew that much, handing him everything she brought.

"Holy… what happened?! Who's that guy out there?!" Charlie asked as he came over.

"Charlie!" Alice yelled to him once she saw him. "Get Kate! Just go and get Kate, ok?!"

The man nodded and was gone.

"Do you think he'll make it?" Alice asked Jack when sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking Sawyer's forehead gently. He was so hot, she thought worryingly, so hot and in the same time he was shaking like he was freezing.

"I don't know," Jack admitted, really wishing he had a better answer, but he didn't want to give Alice any false hope. "I'll do my best. At least we have antibiotics," he added and she only nodded at that.

A few minutes later, Kate got in and just stood frozen in the door once she spotted Sawyer.

"What…? How…?"

"He got shot by the others," Alice quickly explained when getting up so Kate could take her place by Sawyer's side. "He needs you."

"Of… of course." Kate just nodded and sat down, taking James into her arms.

Alice stood aside, just watching and worrying sick. Jack put his arm around her to give her some support.

They heard the main door opening and closing again and Sun with Michael came running.

"We need to get Sayid back!" Michael screamed, not seeming to notice that everyone present was shocked to see him there alive and healthy.

"Why?" Jack frowned when coming out of the bedroom with Alice. "What's going on? Michael, what...?"

"They… they took Walt," the man in question explained in a shaky voice and Alice gasped, pressing her hand into her mouth. "The others. They… destroyed our raft, shot Sawyer and took Walt."

Rousseau hadn't been lying, after all, when she'd said that the others were coming for a child, Alice realized.

"We swam back to the island and met the survivors from the tail section of the plane. We were coming back here, but…" Michael came to a stop. "Shannon is dead. There's been a mistake. They thought she was one of them and… she was there with Sayid… she was shot dead. And they're keeping Sayid hostage now! We need to save him!"

Alice felt dizzy when hearing of all of that and she nearly stumbled. Shannon… Shannon was _dead_?

"No," she then said vehemently when shaking her head. "No, she can't be… No…"

"I'm sorry," Michael just said softly.

Sawyer was _shot_. Walt was _gone_. Shannon was _dead_.

Alice nearly couldn't take it all in at once. Shannon was her friend. Sawyer was just about her best friend on this island and Walt… Walt was just a kid!

She immediately felt Jack's arms closing around her from behind and she managed to take a deep breath once she felt him there alive and breathing. She still had him. She might be losing everyone else she cared about, but the person she cared about the most was still there, she reminded herself. He was her life and she couldn't lose him.

"Ok, we'll go. We'll take the guns and go for Sayid," Jack decided in that moment.

"No!" Alice heard herself saying before she even thought to do so. "No! It's dangerous!" She turned around and faced Jack. "I can't lose you, too!"

Before he managed to say anything to that, the stranger – who'd introduced himself as Mr. Eko – suddenly spoke, "Stop." It wasn't much, but at least he supported Alice and she was grateful for that. "What do you want?" he then asked Jack. "Peace? Revenge? Justice? What do you want?"

"I want everyone safely back here, but I can't have that now, can I?"

"Ana Lucia made a mistake," Mr. Eko said in an unwavering voice.

"What did you just say?" Jack's expression changed significantly.

"Ana Lucia made a mistake," the man repeated patiently.

"Ana Lucia," Jack said in recognition.

"You know her?" Alice asked in surprise.

"I'll take you to her," Eko suddenly agreed. He must've read Jack's expression and come to a conclusion that the doctor wouldn't hurt Ana if he knew her. Maybe he could even help her, reach her in a way no one else could anymore. "But only you," he emphasized. "And no guns."

"But…" Alice was ready to protest again. If that Ana Lucia had a gun, was it even safe? How could they know that she wouldn't hurt Jack anyway?

"I'll be fine," Jack assured her quickly. "I met her on the airport back in Australia and we talked a little."

"It doesn't mean she won't hurt you, Jack."

"She won't. I promise," he assured Alice. "I don't believe she really wanted to hurt Shannon either."

"It was an accident," Eko confirmed.

Alice only sighed, watching Jack leave with the huge African. Then she went to check up on Sawyer and found Kate still holding him.

"You really care about him, don't you?" she asked the brunette, but didn't receive any answer as though Kate was ashamed of her display of affection. "It's ok," Alice added. "It's ok to care." Sawyer might've been a lot of things, but at the end of the day he was a good person inside and he did care about others even if he didn't know how to show it. Alice knew that now and could see past all his defenses. Kate didn't have to be ashamed of having feelings for him.

And finally, she sent Alice a small smile.

* * *

Alice was watching Sayid digging up a grave for Shannon, her heart aching at the devastating sight. She couldn't even imagine what he must feel at the moment. How did one just go on when the person they loved most was dead? How did they handle digging up the grave with their own hands? The others offered to help Sayid, but he refused, wanting to do it alone. Alice shivered, trying to stop putting herself in his position, to stop imagining what he felt inside…

And just then, there was a pair of warm arms enveloping her from behind and she leaned against a very strong and very familiar chest.

"Are you all right?" Jack asked with care in his voice.

"No," she said since he would know if she lied anyway. "One more person is… lost to us. Dead. Just… gone. And she was a friend… How's Sawyer?" Alice asked the final question after a moment of silence.

"Still not present and fevering, but I think he's better than before," Jack answered. "Kate's staying with him now. I'm actually glad that she offered. I wanted to be here for you."

"Thank you, Jack. You know how much this means to me."

Once the grave was ready, Sayid laid Shannon's body there gently and spoke a few words. He said that he loved her and on hearing that, Alice shook a little and then felt Jack's arms automatically tighten around her.

She really didn't want to think that one day it might happen to her. That one day she might lose the love of her life, too. Still, she'd had enough of bad luck and she hoped that the streak would soon end. She was tired of losing and she could be only glad that Sawyer seemed salvageable.

* * *

"Hi there, sweetheart!" Sawyer called out to Alice when he saw her coming over. She just heard that he was awake and responsive and used the moment Kate left his side. "How are you?"

"How am _I_?" she asked incredulously. "You're the one who got shot! I was really worried there, you know."

"And it's so good to hear that," he told her while smiling that familiar smile of his. Sometimes she hated it, but right now she was just glad it was back. "And didn't you get the nicknames mixed there? Why am I a sweetheart and Kate is just freckles?"

"If I called Kate a sweetheart, she would be a completely different person," he just said. "And don't worry. I'm not trying to steal you from the doc," he added quickly.

"Well, I surely hope not," Jack suddenly spoke when coming over. "How are you feeling?"

"Like crap, but better. It's actually great, doc! I'm surrounded by girls worrying about me!"

"So far I've only seen two," Jack pointed out.

"Buzz kill," Sawyer murmured under his breath. "It's just like waking up in a bunk bed and finding out that you're not really rescued! Kate actually had to help me outside to prove me wrong!"

In that moment, the alarm sounded and Jack left them to push the button.

"Yeah, I so don't want to hear more about that one," James warned Alice as she was already opening her mouth.

"Do you know that Shannon's dead?" she asked instead, remembering that she just came back from the funeral. Him getting better was just about the only good news she heard today.

"Yeah, I do and I'm sorry," he said, his voice getting serious.

It was so new to Alice that he actually cared, that he seemed to have changed while being away. Simply put, he wasn't such a jerk anymore and all of that just pushed the tears back into her eyes and down her cheeks.

"Hey, don't cry. I'm no good with crying."

"Show me a man who is," Alice nearly laughed.

"I think you got one," he told her and she actually had to admit that he was right. Only maybe Jack was good with tears because he wasn't ashamed of them himself like most men usually were.

Sawyer didn't know what else to say, but he reached for Alice and she settled her head on his arm. She really needed to stop being so emotional. Maybe… starting from tomorrow, she decided, not feeling particularly strong today.

* * *

Alice was surprised when she came back to the hatch after seeing Claire and it stood empty. Jack was supposed to be on button duty. Before she started panicking, she managed to hear muffled voices coming from the armory.

"Jack?!" she called out when coming to the door.

Soon enough she got the whole picture. Michael had locked both Jack and John inside to get to the weapons and be able to go after Walt. Locke told Alice the code to the door and she let them out immediately.

"We need to go after him!" Jack said without even acknowledging her presence and it kind of hurt.

"What? No! Are you crazy? This could be dangerous! Michael's walking straight towards _them_!" Alice protested loudly. She hated that Jack was such a hothead sometimes. They'd already lost Shannon and almost lost Sawyer. They couldn't lose Michael, Jack and Locke, too.

"Michael went to get Walt again?" they suddenly heard Sawyer's voice coming from the door and interrupting them. "Damn that guy! Again?" he made sure.

"Jack, you really shouldn't go," Alice repeated when forcing him to look at her.

"I can't lose any more of our people," he just told her, finally looking back.

"Then I'll go with…" she started, but he was already shaking his head at her.

"You're not going."

"But…"

"You're not going," he repeated harshly. "I'm sorry, but you will only slow us down and you don't really know how to handle a weapon."

Before Alice started to cry or threw a fit - she wasn't sure which one just yet - Sawyer volunteered to go instead. She was grateful to him for sensing how hurt she was by Jack's harsh words even though she knew he didn't really mean them. He was just focusing on the task at hand and the safety of his people, including her own and… she just now realized – focusing on fixing what was broken and right now it was getting Michael back.

"I'll go and keep my eye on the doc," Sawyer assured her.

"You're still on antibiotics," Jack pointed out.

"Then it's a good thing I'll have a doctor travelling with me."

Once they were all gone and Alice was stuck on button duty, she had nothing to do but worry and think. She could understand the reasoning behind Jack's words. She would really be of no use out there chasing Michael, but still, she was worried. And Jack didn't exactly care for her being hurt either. She'd been pushing this away from her mind for a while now, choosing to believe him whenever he assured her that he wasn't with her in order to fix her, that he was with her because he chose to, but the doubt was still there in her mind, eating her up.

* * *

Jack was chasing Michael, determined to get him back and seeing no other option. He did remember what everyone always told him. That he couldn't let go. He just couldn't stop fixing things. He came back in his mind to the time of his marriage or rather its end. He'd neglected Sarah, felt obligated towards her instead of just being in love with her. He hadn't even imagined giving up and leaving her. He simply couldn't do that to her, but he wasn't paying much attention to her either. The truth was that he was distant, his whole life revolving around the hospital. The one who finally let go was Sarah herself when she got herself into an affair and then quickly after her divorce with Jack, married the other guy. And Jack… Jack, although he felt like he failed, was also relieved that it was just over.

* * *

Jack did go back that night and Alice felt both relieved and stressed out, if that was possible. She let out what seemed like a long held breath when she finally spotted him, but then something else tightened in her chest. She didn't want to be a thing that needed fixing, she wanted to be more. She wanted to be the one person Jack really and truly loved. She just wasn't sure anymore that she actually was all of that and it was killing her. She also wasn't sure whether she should ask him about it. Maybe it would be better if… but no, she refused to ignore the problem and just go on without talking about it. It would only slowly kill her from the inside. She'd rather hear the truth no matter how horrible it might sound. She wouldn't keep hurting herself. Strangely enough, recently she'd discovered that Jack wasn't the only person keeping her alive anymore. It was everything, actually. She had friends and she had a lover. She was actually as happy as one could be on this strange island.

"How was it?" she asked when Jack joined her on the couch in the hatch. "Are you best friends with Sawyer already?" She wanted to lighten up the mood first. She needed it. Maybe they both did.

"His girlfriend didn't listen to me and followed us anyway, nearly getting us all killed, so no, I don't think so," Jack answered her harshly, apparently in no mood for jokes and Alice only grew sadder. As always, he was just angry at Kate. Only if he'd told Kate to stay behind the same way he'd told it to Alice, then Alice wasn't surprised that the girl hadn't listened. If only she'd herself known her way around the jungle and a gun, she would've gone anyway, too.

"Was it really that bad?" she made sure, just making small talk.

Jack sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes.

"We don't have Michael or Walt and we lost the guns we took, so yeah, it pretty much was _that_ bad. And there's more of them. The others, I mean. But I guess we already suspected that much." Then, suddenly, his tone changed. "Alice, if we ever get back home, I don't want to be the person I was before this island. Maybe I don't even want to be the guy I am right now. I'm sorry for today," his voice softened as he looked her in the eye. "I love you more than I loved anyone in my life and I just didn't want you to get hurt. I guess it was a good thing that you stayed here, after all."

He actually surprised her when he said that. She expected this conversation to be hard and instead he told her that he loved her more than anyone. Still, it didn't prove anything just yet.

"You know, I believe that once we get out of here, we'll be wiser about a lot of things," she finally said. "We'll work on our relationship and if you ever get distant and bury yourself in work like you did today with finding Michael, I'll just kick your ass."

Jack laughed at that and finally, the tension loosened up a bit.

"I'll give you my full permission to do so," he agreed when reaching for her hand.

"Just…" She took a deep breath, but then she chickened out and instead she finished with, "it's good to know that we're serious enough to stay together."

"I thought I made that clear when I told you I loved you," Jack said with a frown.

"You did, but… you know, girl likes to be sure."

"Alice, I can tell that something's bothering you, so just drop it and say it."

For a moment she hesitated, but then he started shakily, "Ok, here it goes…" If he asked for it himself… "Jack, I want to believe you. I really do, but still… I can't help but think sometimes that you'll always need something… or some _one_ to fix."

"That's what Sarah once told me," he said both to her astonishment and dread. "But Alice, I am not with you because I want to fix your heart," he told her. "I am with you because I want you. Listen…" he hesitated for a moment, "I'm not proud of it, but there was this woman... She was the daughter of a man I was to operate on. The cancer in his spine was malicious and he practically had no chance, but he asked me to operate since he heard about Sarah. I got it all out, but he died during the procedure because of weak heart and his daughter, she… she was crying and she thanked me for trying and then… she just kissed me. And for a moment there, I was kissing her back," Jack confessed when staring at the wall as though he could see his memories reflected there. "Eventually, I pulled away, horrified that I was married and I was kissing another woman, but then… I came back home and I told Sarah what happened and… she was going to leave me even before that. She met someone else." A shadow crossed over Jack's face and Alice could tell that even though he claimed not to have really loved his wife, it did hurt him that he failed at something. "I went after Michael because I wanted to fix things," he started again and shifted his eyes back to Alice. "I married Sarah because I wanted to fix her heart since her fiancé left her and I let that woman, Gabrielle, kiss me because she was hurting and needed someone, but… I didn't save you because I wanted to fix you or your heart as well," he confessed and Alice just didn't understand what he was saying to her. "I helped you for me. I did it to fix _me_."

"I… I don't understand, Jack," she finally admitted, still trying to wrap her mind around all of this.

"Maybe it's selfish, but I helped you because I needed you. I knew… I felt that you could be the one person who could fix me for a change. I needed to fall in love. Just this once I needed to fall in love for real. So I wasn't trying to fix you. I tried to help myself by helping you. Does this make any sense?"

"Maybe it doesn't and maybe it does sound selfish, but I don't care. It's just about the sweetest thing a guy has ever told me," Alice said with a wink. She did feel happy and as though a heavy weight was lifted from her shoulders. She wasn't just another of Jack's saving projects. She really was the love of his life. "Come here, you idiot!" she then told him and cupped his face, pulling it forward and kissing him hard on the lips. Soon enough, she straddled him and things got heated up when she rolled her hips over his and felt his growing erection.

"Did you change Sawyer's bandage?" she asked when pulling away a little to take off Jack's shirt.

"Are we really going to be talking about Sawyer right now?" Jack complained and she giggled.

"I just want to make sure that we won't be disturbed. Who's next on hatch duty?"

"We should be all right for about an hour," Jack finally told her when looking at the counter on the wall.

"Great," she said with satisfaction and came back to kissing him.

* * *

"Hello there!" Sawyer called out to Alice naughtily when he got out of the ocean and noticed her pacing on the beach.

"You're so full of yourself," she just told him, "but at least this time you have your swimming trunks on."

"Wait… You heard about that?" he asked, momentarily caught off track. "From Kate?"

"Not directly, but you know, it's a small beach. People see stuff."

"It ain't that small," he murmured and then took a closer look at her face. "Why are you so nervous?"

"Because Jack's ransacking your tent as we speak and I'm not sure how I feel about it," she finally answered.

"What?!" For a moment there Sawyer thought it was a joke, but deep down inside he knew it really wasn't. Especially not when he could actually see someone moving in his tent.

"Sawyer, wait," Alice said when standing in his way.

"Get outta my way!" He walked right past her and just then Jack left his tent. Of course they got into an argument which ended with Sawyer pissed and Jack walking away from him with the medicine.

"Listen," Alice couldn't stand it any longer, so she came over and talked to James, "you having all the medicine makes no sense. You're not a doctor."

"Of course you're by his fucking side!" Sawyer cursed.

"I'm sorry," Alice just said and sighed. She so didn't like being stuck between her boyfriend and her friend. "I get Jack, but I still don't like the way he went about it. Then again… you wouldn't just give it back to us even if I or Kate asked, would you?"

Sawyer didn't answer, but he didn't have to. Alice knew the truth so she just turned around and caught up with Jack.

"Just say it," he finally encouraged her when they were making their way back to the hatch.

"Say what?"

"That I shouldn't have done it like that. That I put you in a terrible position. After all, Sawyer is your friend."

"To be honest, Jack, sometimes I have no freaking idea what he is to me. I care about him and I understand him, but right now…" She just shook her head and Jack looked at her to see the expression on her face. "We both know how he is," she went on. "He's not an easy man to talk to or to spend time with and he can be very stubborn. I mean… remember what happened when he pretended to have Shannon's inhaler? I'll just… I won't say anything. I think getting the medicine was the right thing to do. I just wish he was more helpful and easier to talk to."

"Yeah, once hell freezes over," Jack said and laughed at his own joke. Eventually, Alice laughed as well since she didn't know how else to react. She could only do so much. The rest was up to Sawyer and if he didn't want to change, then there was nothing she could do to make it all easier for him. She did remember how he'd immediately given her the alcohol when Boone had gotten injured. Why couldn't he just do something like this now? What had changed since he'd been shot on the raft and nearly died? Everybody around him had been helping him. Without those people James wouldn't have even been alive now, so why was he back to his old habits?

* * *

As though they didn't have enough problems, Sun was allegedly attacked by the others. Allegedly since they didn't really have proof and the bag Kate found in the jungle seemed somehow different from the one that had been put over her own head when the others had caught her. There was also one more thing – the others had promised not to disturb the survivors as long as they stayed in the appointed territory and wouldn't cross the line. None of them had done it so far, so it really made no sense to why they would be attacked.

Jack and the rest decided to go and get the guns just to be on the safe side and Alice didn't know what to think of that either. On the one hand, she wanted them all to be safe and on the other, she was worried that everything would get out of control. Still, wasn't it actually better for those survivors who could shoot to carry a gun just in case? If they couldn't trust each other, then they would all soon be lost anyway. At times like these she really wished she could be home already. Home with Jack. Safe and sound.

On their way to the hatch, Alice took Jack's hand and just had to ask, "You know I'm always with you. But are you sure about this?"

"I wish we didn't have to do this, but we need protection. What if Sun didn't manage to get free and attract Kate and Sawyer with her screams? What would happen then? We just can't risk it."

Alice nodded silently and they walked to the hatch hand in hand.

Only once they arrived at the place, there was no Locke in there and no guns. Instead, Sawyer was just sitting by the computer, looking all relaxed and happy, which pretty much meant that he once again got exactly what he wanted. And right now that was probably crossing Jack when warning Locke beforehand that the doctor was coming for the guns.

The situation only got worse when back on the beach Jack, Locke and lots of other people started to argue about trust and handling the guns properly. In that moment, Sawyer shot out into the sky, declaring himself the man to go to for things like weapons or medicine. In the end, he'd conned them all. He antagonized his own people against each other while he got what he wanted.

"When I was out there, trying to save your lives and risking my own in the process, you took all my stuff! It's all gone!" he was just explaining and Alice, even though it made no sense to her, finally understood what his grudge was. "You just took it like I was never going back! You took my place to sleep, my shaving cream, my books, my pills!"

"So this is your revenge?!" Alice couldn't help but ask. And she also couldn't believe that she'd forgiven him for everything before he'd sailed off. She really thought he'd changed. Maybe he had for a moment there, but apparently, the tiger didn't change its stripes. Sawyer was pushing people away and making them hate him all over again.

Only this time Alice didn't even bother with slapping him. She simply shot him a look full of disappointment and turned around to leave, Jack following. And to think that barely days before she'd been crying in Sawyer's arms when she'd told him that Shannon was dead! She couldn't believe that man could be so treacherous and it really hurt.

* * *

"Hi," Kate said when finding Alice in the hatch and sitting next to her on the couch. Jack was on the beach, seeing if everyone was all right while Alice was stuck on button duty.

"Hi," she answered, not really knowing how to talk to Kate and why the woman came to find her in the first place. They weren't enemies, far from it, but they weren't much of friends either.

"I thought… I really thought he was a better man on the inside, you know?" Kate then spoke.

"You mean Sawyer?" Alice guessed, still not getting why the woman was talking to her about him. Apparently, there was nothing like an almost-girlfriend and a friend bonding after the man they both cared about betrayed them, yet, once again.

"I didn't want to believe that everything about him was bad. I told myself he was the way he was because of the real Sawyer, because of the man who caused his parents' death. How could I be so stupid? I'm just another woman blinded by feelings and I thought I was smarter than that."

"We always think so until it happens to us," Alice finally said, getting over the initial shock that Kate actually wanted to talk to her about personal stuff. "I don't understand him," she then confessed when meeting Kate's eyes. "He seemed to want to genuinely change and now… this." She threw her hands up into the air. "I care about him, too," she said when seeing the look on the other woman's face, "but I am done trying. He had his chance. I'm just glad he's not my…" she bit her tongue just in time, but Kate guessed what Alice was going to say anyway.

"That he's not your boyfriend. Well, good for you. I wish I could just find someone like Jack. You know, all my life I either find people like Sawyer or hurt those who seem to be better."

She did get personal, Alice thought, but she appreciated it anyway. She hoped to get to know Kate better and maybe be closer to her. She'd actually lost her both female friends so far and now also a male friend. Shannon was dead and unfortunately, Claire wasn't the same after she'd come back from the others. She still had holes in her memory and the bond that had been there before she'd disappeared was gone now.

"Oh, don't even think for a second that Jack is such a saint!" Alice protested. "He's probably the most stubborn person you'll ever meet in your entire life and I keep worrying about him all the time!"

"Yeah, he likes to play a hero. You know, the fact that Sawyer wasn't trying to prove anything and sacrifice everything for the greater good actually made it easier for me to get closer to him. I… I am done losing people. I'd lost too many before I landed here," Kate confessed. "And then he actually decided to play that freaking hero when getting on the raft."

"Was that the reason you wanted his place so badly?" Alice asked.

"No. I wanted to get away before the cops would find me, but I think that a part of me also wanted him to be safe. I didn't care about my life. I was either a runner or a dead person anyway."

"Kate, what is it that you really did?" Alice got curious.

"You have some alcohol in here? We can talk then," Kate suggested with a smile.

"Sorry. All the alcohol was taken by no one else but Sawyer, but there's still some Dharma coffee in the kitchen."

"Oh, coffee! All right! You push the button, I'll make coffee and we can pull an all-nighter in the hatch!"

"Deal!"

Once an hour later Jack came back, he smiled on seeing Kate and Alice sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and talking while some music record was playing. He silently retreated, deciding to get some sleep. Alice deserved a friend to talk to and he knew he couldn't be everything for her. They both needed interaction with other people as well and even though Kate annoyed him most of the times, he was glad Alice managed to get through to her somehow. She had that gift, that girlfriend of his, he thought with pride. It was only a pity that Sawyer didn't last longer under her spell. Or maybe that was a good thing, too. Jack never wanted to feel as though he was losing her to someone else.


	10. Chapter 10

Alice couldn't comprehend how things had changed so quickly. Just a few hours before she and Jack left the hatch to get some fresh air and visit the people on the beach and now that they were back, there was an injured man in the kitchen. On seeing him and the blood around… the arrow sticking out of his shoulder, Alice just came to a sudden stop and sucked in a breath. She could've almost sworn that Jack had a similar reaction minus the nausea from seeing the man's wound and smelling the blood in the air. After all, in line of his occupation, he must've seen worse.

"Who is this?" Jack asked when walking over to both Sayid and Locke who looked like they were keeping the man prisoner.

"Rousseau caught him in the jungle," the Iraqi explained. "She believes he's an other."

"And you shot him with an arrow?" Jack elevated his eyebrows when squatting by the man's side and checking his injuries.

"Do I have a bow?" Sayid retorted.

"What if he's telling the truth?" Alice asked when she heard the rest of the story. "What if we're hurting an innocent guy who's just lost his wife?" She couldn't help but being compassionate. The man looked miserable and he claimed to have lost the love of his life after crashing on this island in a balloon. It didn't take much for Alice to start feel sorry for him. Besides, would someone really lie so smoothly while being in so much pain?

Then she quickly covered her mouth with her hand and stepped into another room. She didn't like to watch any medical procedures and Jack was just now pulling the arrow from the man's – Henry Gale's, apparently – shoulder. She felt as though it was Boone all over again and it didn't take much for her to remember his sister and feel even worse.

While Jack was working, the man passed out which gave the rest enough time to transport him to the armory where they were planning to keep him locked up until they were sure he wasn't one of the others. Only while doing so, Sayid and Locke crossed Jack and the Iraqi found himself inside with the injured man, the combination to the lock changed and the door closed.

Alice came back to witness Jack and Locke arguing. She was really tired of all those quarrels going around. They should stick together if they wanted to survive on the island for longer, but then again, they were all very different and had their own issues. Conflicts were bound to happen at some point and maybe they would never really end. In the outside world, some of the survivors wouldn't even speak to one another and if they didn't like each other, they would simply avoid meetings. It was impossible on the island. Yet, on the other hand, the crash brought them all together and Alice knew that Shannon wouldn't have even looked at Sayid if she'd met him in different circumstances.

"What if he's telling the truth, John?" Jack just asked, tired of screaming.

"And what if he's not?" he only got in answer and eventually just started cleaning the kitchen from the blood that was there. Alice got down to helping him and then she froze, hearing Gale scream inside the armory. Jack looked like he couldn't take it anymore either and after glancing at the counter on the wall, he charged Locke and held him against the armory door. The alarm sounded and Alice wasn't exactly sure what to do.

"Don't you push that button!" Jack called out to her just like she thought he would. "You said you're always with me, so don't push it!"

"I won't," she promised, folding her arms over her chest and just watching Locke desperately trying to set himself free. Yet, Jack's hold on him was unyielding. "John, just do it," she then advised the older man.

"Open the door or see what happens once you don't enter the code," Jack added.

Eventually, it was clear that Jack won. Locke was afraid of what could happen if the button wasn't pushed, so he quickly did what he was being asked to and Jack pulled Sayid out of the room while John ran to the computer to enter the code in the very last second.

In the end, Jack agreed to keep Gale locked up and not to tell anyone about him, but he wouldn't stand by and watch the man suffer if there was even the slightest possibility that he really was who he said he was. Just to be on the safe side, he also refused to leave the hatch until they were sure and Alice stayed with him. She didn't want to be away and couldn't even explained why. She didn't have to be by Jack's side all the time and she hadn't in the past. They had a very healthy relationship when being together and having their own personal life outside of that, too, but right now she just couldn't shake off this terrible feeling that something bad was about to happen.

* * *

Yet, when Claire called for Jack in the middle of the night because Aaron got sick, Alice didn't follow. There was really no point in going to the beach at such a late hour and staying under an actual roof had its benefits. Still, the alarm sounding every 108 minutes wasn't one of them.

Jack came back about an hour later, just when it sounded again, so he entered the code, assured Alice that Aaron would be fine and they both went back to sleep.

During the next few days, the three of them were staying in the hatch, pushing the button and watching Henry Gale who was still locked up. Alice felt like she was a part of some bizarre sitcom that wasn't even funny. She was actually playing house with both Jack and Locke. One day she actually walked into the bathroom to see Locke shaving and Jack just getting out of the shower; the latter equally surprised as herself.

"Am I interrupting something?" she just asked, her eyes going to Jack's exposed chest.

"Am I?" John asked when looking from Alice to Jack.

"Please, tell me that I'm going to wake up soon," Alice wished out loud.

"I'm afraid this isn't a dream."

"Couldn't you just wait until I'm done?" Jack asked Locke in exasperation.

"The steam opens up my pores. What? We need to improvise."

After that, Alice left the bathroom, not sure if she wanted to laugh or scream.

The situation changed when Eko found out about Gale and wanted to talk to him, but still… she was surrounded by men and felt tired of it for the first time in her life.

* * *

The next day Alice brought Henry food. They still didn't know whether he was an other or not, but she figured he didn't have to starve in addition to other inconveniences. Once she opened the door and gave him the plate, she let her guards down a little. He didn't look good. Far from it. He was bruised all over and she could easily guess that he was in pain even though he did his best not to show any weakness anymore. Before she knew it, she was talking to him, wanting to decide for herself whether he was being honest.

"I just want to mourn my wife in peace," he said, "and you can understand that, can't you? I've heard you and the doctor."

In that moment Alice realized with horrification that maybe she'd said too much, spent too much time in the armory already and maybe she shouldn't let her guards down. Somehow she understood now why everyone was so hesitant to trust Gale. It wasn't anything he gave away, it was kind of a feeling, a sense one got coming from him that something might actually be wrong, but one also couldn't tell what it was.

"I wasn't trying to eavesdrop," the man explained, "it's just that the walls are thin."

"What are you doing?!" Alice heard Jack's angry voice. He must've come back from the beach already. "What are you doing talking to him?!" He came over to her and grabbed her arm, nearly dragging her out of the armory and shutting the door behind them. The man inside was watching them with interest in his eyes and that was just another thing that gave Alice the creeps.

"Alice, you can't let this man get to you like that," Jack was telling her, his voice coming back to normal. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rough, I just…"

"It's fine."

"Are we interrupting something?" they heard Locke and they saw that Ana Lucia was with him.

"No." Alice shook her head, remembering that John was to ask Ana to talk to Henry herself.

"Alice, I really am…" Jack tried to apologize again, but she stopped him right then and there.

"It's ok, really. I understand. I understand your concern."

* * *

After coming back from the beach the next time, Jack had his head full of thoughts. He'd just confirmed Sun's pregnancy and it got him thinking. Now that he was back at the hatch and Alice was there, he just couldn't stop. What if…? What if she, too…?

"Jack?" Alice turned to him.

"Yeah?" he answered her, clearly being distracted.

"Is everything all right?" she asked. "You seem… off somehow."

"I just want it to be over. The Locke thing, the guy we have locked up… It's wearing me out," he came up with a plausible enough explanation.

Alice believed him. She walked over to him and joined him on the couch, then she placed her head on his shoulder and he automatically pulled her in. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if she was pregnant, too. He really wouldn't know how to handle such a situation.

* * *

Jack was just checking up on Aaron, making sure the fever broke and the little guy was healthy. Then it hit him. He could soon hold his own baby like this - a little defenseless creature that would depend entirely on him and his mother. What if Alice was pregnant? God knew they weren't careful. What if he would become a father before he was really ready? And would he _ever_ be ready? Aaron just felt so small, so light and so fragile in his arms.

"Jack, are you all right?" Claire asked, seeing the change in the man. "Jack?" she then repeated when he didn't answer her.

He almost jumped and then he finally looked up from the baby at his mother. He didn't say anything, he just gave her Aaron back. While he was doing that, he caught Alice's eyes from across the beach.

* * *

Alice hadn't had the chance to speak to Jack ever since she'd seen him with Claire's baby, but there was really nothing to talk about. She didn't feel nauseated or dizzy or weak – she'd made sure to ask Sun all about her symptoms the day before – so she probably wasn't pregnant. Not that she would mind, but she didn't want to trap Jack. To be honest, she actually didn't think she could have a baby anyway. Living in constant stress and difficult conditions didn't make it easy for women and in many cases conceiving a baby just wasn't possible or was extremely hard to achieve. And she could most definitely live with that.

Now she was watching Jack and Sawyer playing cards from afar. She didn't want to come over as she still hadn't – and probably never would – forgotten what the latter had done. She was simply done trying to get to him. The game itself was interesting only because Jack was actually the only person on the island who could outplay Sawyer in almost anything and now she needed to add poker to that list. Her doctor just won back all the medicine and Sawyer wasn't the champion anymore. No one hid it – they all enjoyed the man's defeat.

"My hero!" Alice called out to Jack and when he walked over to her, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him. "It was so great to see the look on Sawyer's face when you won every single time! No one has beaten him until you came along!"

Jack reciprocated her smile and after making sure that there was nothing to do on the beach for him anymore – meaning taking care of sick people, not playing cards – they slowly made their way into the jungle, directing themselves back to the hatch.

Just then, Alice saw strange light in the darkness and she tightened her hold on Jack's hand, pulling him in that direction.

"What do you think it is?" she asked, fear evident in her voice. They hadn't seen something like this yet, after all.

"Let's find out."

"Jack, what if it's dangerous…?" she started, but he was already going in that direction, so she followed just to see… a whole new load of Dharma food. Before they managed to get over their surprise, suddenly a group of people came out of the jungle. At the front was Ana Lucia and then they noticed Charlie and Sayid.

"We found the balloon," Ana informed.

* * *

Alice could sense it just like everyone else. There was something seriously wrong with Henry Gale. They hadn't had any proof before, but they did now. He wasn't who he claimed to be. The most terrifying was actually the fact that they were close to not finding out the truth at all. There was a balloon and there was a fresh grave out in the jungle, but Sayid still wasn't convinced by that and decided to dig up the grave. And good thing he did since there was a man buried there and not a woman. The man had an ID with a picture – it was the real Henry Gale.

It was too scary and devious, Alice thought. The others were so patient, so comfortable on their own territory, thinking over their strategy, working on it slowly and even now when the survivors knew about the danger coming from them, they still didn't know the others' reason for their infiltration.

* * *

Jack was tired of waiting and quite frankly, the atmosphere in the hatch was too strained as not to do something about it. The fact that Locke was practically immobilized because of the trap door falling on him during the time the Dharma food had been delivered, didn't help at all. Eventually, Jack decided to trade the man they'd captured for Walt.

"All right," Alice just nodded, knowing better by now than to argue with him. Jack was stubborn, so if he wanted to do it, he would. She could either stay or go and somehow she still didn't want to leave his side, led by one of those strange feelings she'd been having recently. "But I'm going, too," she decided.

"Alice…" Jack nearly sighed, bracing himself for another fight. Only this time she was having none of it.

"Oh, no!" She pointed her finger at him. "You are not going there alone!"

"But…" he started.

Yet, she was faster this time, already having an answer ready for him, "I'll go get Kate."

"Alice…"

"Jack, you're not the boss of me. _I_ make decisions for myself and only I."

To her astonishment, he actually smiled on hearing that.

"What?!" she bridled, not understanding his reaction.

"You're getting feisty."

"Shut up! Let's just go!" Now that she was mad at him, she looked even cuter, so Jack's smile only widened.

"Wait… do we really have to get Kate, too?" He asked Alice when she turned to the door.

"You really don't like her, do you?" she rolled her eyes. "I just thought you wanted someone else who can shoot a gun and we are so not taking Sawyer."

"I can teach you how to shoot," Jack just said and it surprised Alice so much that she looked at him incredulously.

"Really?"

"Yeah." He shrugged. "All you needed to do was just ask."

"That's actually great." To be honest, she'd never even thought of that possibility, but once it was said, once the idea was planted in her head, she marveled at how obvious and useful that would be for her. There were other people on the island, dangerous people whom they couldn't trust. People who had the ability to fit into any crowd. She had to be able to defend herself.

* * *

Once Alice and Jack were already out in the jungle, marching towards the border the others had established the last time Jack had tried to find them, Alice felt the need to say something. "Jack, we need to talk."

"You're not going to break up with me now, are you?" he asked as though she really could.

"God, no," she put his mind at rest quickly.

"Good, because it's how these words usually go, you know. We need to talk. It's not you, it's me…"

"Oh, come on! Like I could leave you!" she scolded him and bumped into his side playfully. "I just wanted to say that you can't keep leaving me behind because you love me," her voice grew serious. "You can't keep me locked out of things. You can't keep protecting me anymore, Jack. I'm fine now, I promise."

"I wasn't trying to tell you what to do or to impose on your independence," he said apologetically. "I was just…"

"I know," she interrupted when placing her hand on his arm. "I know, but I need you to trust me that I can take care of myself, that I can fight for life this time. Don't you think that it's easy for me when you go somewhere and I know you may not get back."

"I'm sorry. I think get it now."

"Good." She smiled.

* * *

Alice couldn't comprehend how they just gave them Michael back with no reason. Even though the man was alone and claimed to have escaped, she could feel like someone was watching her. She was really surprised by all those strange feelings she'd been having recently and wondered what they meant. According to Michael, the others were savages living in shacks. They apparently had no civilization and there were only few of them, which would explain why they hadn't attacked yet, but still, something seemed off. Michael claimed those people weren't really dangerous and they didn't even have guns besides those they'd taken from Jack when they'd captured Kate. Then the man started planning how they would all get Walt back when using his newly acquired knowledge to their advantage, but there was still this nagging pricking in Alice's bones, the sense that Michael wasn't completely honest with them. It was just like the feeling she'd had when talking to Henry Gale.

When Michael finally looked at her and asked, "What is it?" she realized that she'd been staring as though she could somehow get into his head and see what was there, what he wasn't telling them.

"Nothing," she dismissed with a shake of her head, choosing some point on the horizon to look at for a change.

"There's something wrong, Jack," she finally said when they reached the camp and Michael was far enough from them as not to overhear. "I can almost feel it."

"If there is, we'll find out eventually," Jack assured her.

* * *

"Damn it!" Alice cursed and actually stomped her leg, which caused Jack to laugh. "Don't you laugh at me!" she yelled at him angrily.

"I'm sorry, but you're just so cute when you're angry," he said and dodged when she actually took a swing to swat him over the head.

"You couldn't say a bigger cliché! Just get back here and teach me!"

"Can you promise not to injure me in the process?" he asked when raising his hands up into the air in a gesture of surrender.

"Very funny. Although…" she pretended to think about it, "if you turn out to be an extremely bad teacher, I make no promises. I may actually shoot your foot instead of the target."

"You're hilarious," Jack said when shaking his head and finally getting closer to her again. "Ok, you know how to take the safety off by now, don't you?"

"Jack, I'm not a child, I knew that one even before you offered to teach me."

"All right, I was just making sure… Here, place your finger on the trigger," he instructed when putting his arms around her and covering her hands on the gun with his own. "Don't close your eye, it won't make your aim better. Just keep both of your eyes open and don't pull the trigger, just squeeze it gently." Now his whole front was plastered to her back and she actually found herself forgetting all about the target practice. Especially with the heat coming from his body and his breath that she could feel on the side of her face and his fingers gently covering her own and… making her squeeze the trigger and hit the target in perfect aim.

"Hey, I did it!" Alice called out enthusiastically, turning around and nearly hitting her forehead against Jack chin.

"Easy there! Don't swing the gun around or else you really will shoot me in the foot," he reprimanded her and then called, "Hey!" when she actually dropped the gun. He shut up after that because she caught his face into her hands and kissed him hard on the lips. They couldn't really seem to stop and Alice discovered that Jack was just as much affected by her closeness as she was by his. They didn't bother getting rid of their clothes in fear someone might actually walk in on them. They needed to settle for a quickie, but that didn't mean they didn't enjoy it. There was something exciting about the rush of it all, about being out in the open and so close to the hatch. Jack raised Alice up until she wound her leg around his hips and then he pressed her against a tree to gain purchase as he undid his own pants and while getting enough access, plunged deeply inside of her with a groan. Alice reciprocated, tightening her arms around his neck and clinging to him while he was pushing inside of her, bringing them both to completion.

* * *

"What do you think about Michael's story?" Alice asked a while later when they were just sitting together on the shore. "Could he really watch the others for so long without them noticing? Something about this just seems fishy to me."

Jack only sighed. "I don't know, but why would he lie?"

"To get us to get Walt?"

"But if his story doesn't check out, doesn't that mean that we're not going to get Walt back because we'll outnumbered? I don't think Michael is that stupid."

"Well, you make a lot of sense, but… I just don't know, Jack. All I can tell you is that I can feel that something's wrong."

* * *

And something was, indeed, horribly wrong.

Alice and Jack came back to the hatch, holding hands and being happy. They were so relaxed that for a moment they forgot about their problems and were just enjoying their time together when talking and laughing. Well, that stopped once they walked inside the bunker and saw what happened.

There were dead bodies. Dead bodies seemed to be everywhere. At least that was Alice's initial reaction when she spotted Ana Lucia dead on the couch and Sawyer just getting to her, checking her pulse and then when she noticed Michael holding his arm awkwardly as though he was shot and finally, Libby just lying on the floor in a pool of blood.

Alice could barely hear all the voices around her. She only managed to catch something about the prisoner escaping while shooting his way through the people that had been down there. Next, she found herself thanking God that she and Jack chose that time to go and shoot something in the jungle. And then she felt sick when Libby actually came alive.

"Alice?" she heard Jack voice like through a fog. "Alice…"

There was only darkness when she hit the ground. The voices stopped. The nausea stopped as well. All that remained was the precious nothingness.

* * *

When she came to, she discovered that she was lying down. It wasn't the bunker bed, but it also wasn't the couch that was placed left to the armory door. They must've put her on the couch in the music room which they called like that because of all the records there, taking up most of the space on the shelves. Finally, Alice actually noticed that the man sitting right by her side wasn't Jack. It was Sawyer.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" she asked him in a sharp voice as she slowly sat up.

"Well, it's nice to see you, too," he said. "Jack's taking care of Libby, so I thought I'd sit by your side and wait till you wake up."

"No need." Alice was too tired and still too woozy to argue with him or to ignore him completely. "Is Libby…?" she started to ask, but then Jack appeared in the door.

"Are you ok?" he made sure when looking at Alice's face like he was trying to diagnose her. He then made his way to her and Sawyer was smart enough to get out of the room. Jack did seem drained and angry and exhausted all at once. The fact that Alice had fainted didn't help much and it laid hard on him that he couldn't be there for her since being shot kind of trumped being unconscious. He sat right by her side and cupped her face, looking her deeply in the eye, but still, she could tell he was looking at her as a doctor would, not a lover. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up," he apologized when letting go of her face, clearly not finding anything wrong with her pupils. "Libby…" his voice broke a little, "I did everything I could, but…" He shook his head and swallowed tears.

"It's ok, Jack," Alice assured him, forgetting about her own discomfort and grief for a moment in order to tend to his. She took his hand and then looked up at him. "It's ok. I understand." Then she couldn't hold it in her anymore and she burst out crying. "I'm really sick of all those bad things happening to us. The plane already fell! We shouldn't keep on dying!"

Jack pulled her into his chest and hugged, then he said while stroking her hair, "That's why we need to go after them and put an end to it once and for all." Yes, he was finally ready to act, finally determined to just finish it all, to fight.

They stayed like that for quite some time, Jack trying to soothe Alice's pain when they heard Hugo apologizing Libby for not remembering about the blankets for which she'd apparently gone to the hatch for and gotten shot, being simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Alice only started to sob again on hearing that story. She felt so sorry for Hurley and her hold on Jack's arms tightened as she cried some more. She could also hear Kate sobbing quietly in the kitchen and some soothing words Sawyer was just saying to her.

* * *

They were really doing this. It seemed like the deaths of Libby and Ana Lucia were the straws that broke the camel's back and they were going for the others, they were going to fight them. Michael and Jack mostly disagreed when talking strategy. Jack wanted as many people as possible whereas Michael just wanted to keep it all simple and discreet. He initially suggested Jack, Alice and Sawyer, but Jack told him it wasn't a smart choice and they should at least add Kate and Sayid to the mix. The Iraqi was very suspicious of Michael and Alice was glad that someone shared her opinion. In the end, Jack and Michael compromised and Sayid stayed, but Michael didn't know that the Iraqi borrowed a boat from Desmond – who strangely crashed on the island when trying to get away from it – and offered to meet Jack and the group on the other side of the island.

All this time something seemed off to Alice, something kept nudging at her as though it was her sixth sense, but still, she couldn't pinpoint exactly was that was all about and quite frankly, she had some other suspicions to why she felt weird. Only there was really no way for her to make sure. Still, soon enough it all became terribly clear when Kate realized they were being followed and opened fire.

Alice found herself panicking and then felt a pair of hands on her, dragging her into the trees to take cover there. Jack shielded her with his body, protecting her when shooting at the others. She kind of wanted to remind him that she could more of less handle a gun by now, but she turned out to be so shaken up that she just stood there, waiting for the whole thing to be over.

And once it finally was over, Jack turned to Michael angrily, demanding explanations. It soon became clear that he, not Henry Gale, was responsible for killing the two innocent women in the hatch.

Alice felt sick again.

"You killed two people! And now you're selling us to _them_?!" Jack kept on screaming at the Afro-American. "You're putting in danger the people you're supposed to care about, Michael! We were going to help you get Walt!"

"And what if you can't?!" Michael screamed right back. "I'm sorry! I am really sorry for all of this, but it's about _my son_! I have to do everything I can to protect him! To get him back!"

"So you just decided to trust those people?" Jack asked. "Do you really think they'll give you Walt back? You think that killing someone justifies saving someone else's life?"

"They let me see him. They gave me a list of your names and I was to bring you to them," Michael finally explained and Alice felt cold dread in her stomach. If it was a trap, if they were really to be handed over, what would happen to them? "Besides, I didn't lie to you! They really live in shacks! They're hillbillies!"

"Did it ever occur to you that they might've been pretending? Just putting on a great show for you to see?" Kate suddenly asked. "I took Claire to a Dharma bunker. The one she remembered she was kept in after they took her. I found theatrical make-up and fake beard there."

"Well, it's too late now, is it?" Jack just said with a sigh. Alice could tell he was angry and felt helpless. In fact, it'd been a while since she'd seen him like this or maybe she'd never had. Because this wasn't on him. This was on Michael and he'd believed Michael like they all had because they'd felt sorry for him and for Walt. Apparently, that was a mistake.

In that moment, Sawyer pointed something in the distance and they saw the black smoke Sayid had promised to lit up once he'd find himself on the other beach.

"It's miles away!" Jack got back to screaming at Michael. "You said you'd take us to the beach on the other side of the island!"

"I was! I really was!" Michael was trying to explain himself, but that didn't help him much.

Suddenly, something shot through the air and soon Kate was lying on the ground. The strange thing was that she wasn't really shot and there was no blood. Finally, they noticed a small dart sticking out of her neck. Right after that, she started convulsing.

Jack was already getting to her, trying to help her, but then another dart got stuck in Sawyer's neck, so the doctor just took Alice's hands and screamed at her to run, choosing to save her and himself since it was obvious that he couldn't do anything for the others while being out in the open and shooting range.

They were running until Alice felt a sting on her neck.

"Jack…" she barely managed to call his name before she seemed to lose the ability to speak and her whole body started getting out of control as well.

Jack, in his last desperate effort, lifted her body from the ground and tried to carry her before he himself was shot. Then everything went black.

* * *

Once Alice came to, waking up from a strange stupor, she realized that a sack was put over her head and she started panicking. She then felt a pair of hands on her arms, lifting her up and leading her somewhere. She had no choice but to walk along, too scared to even say anything, much to call for Jack or someone else to make sure they were all right.

She was pushed downwards until her knees painfully hit the ground and the sack was suddenly taken off, the light of the day blinding her. Once she could see, she quickly looked for Jack and spotted him in the same position right next to her. On her other side was Sawyer, but she couldn't spot Kate anywhere and she hoped the girl was all right. What was more, they seemed to be on small dock and soon enough a boat came over and Henry Gale got out of it, walking straight towards them. Now Alice was really speechless since he seemed to actually be the leader of the others. She frowned, trying to see the logic behind him getting captured. Was it an accident? Why would a leader just be walking around the jungle and falling into a trap?

When she finally felt like she could say something, there was this sudden blinding light and with that even worse came, it was a sound so unbearable that Alice could not focus on anything but wish the pain and the vibrations in her head just stopped. For a moment there, she thought she was dying, but she was still breathing, she could still feel the tightness of the ropes her hands were bound with. If they weren't, she would surely put them to her ears, trying to muffle the sound. Still, it seemed to be coming out of everything. It wasn't just something she could tune down by shutting her ears. It seemed to exist in her body as though it was coming right from the inside of the earth, vibrating through her bones and affecting every organ…

Then, just as suddenly as it started, it stopped, causing them all to feel a strangely precious relief, although their ears were still ringing.

The boat was soon given to Michael and Walt turned out to be waiting inside. At least the boy was safe, Alice thought, but for what cost? Michael had done some pretty terrible things and they would not only affect him; they would also affect his son since Walt was so dependent on his father. Alice couldn't help but wonder that one day Walt would find out the truth. How would the boy feel then? Would she do something so terrible to get her child back? Speaking of children…

"What do you want from us?!" Sawyer just asked Gale. "You wanna kill us?!"

"I just promised Michael I wouldn't, would I?" Henry answered.

"Yeah and so what? I don't trust you, people!"

A woman came over to Sawyer and cut the ties binding his hands.

"What the…?"

"You're free to go, James," Henry informed him.

"Say that again?" Sawyer seemed shocked when he raised to his feet, rubbing his sore wrists. "You gotta be kidding me!"

"No, I am not," Gale assured him. "Your task is to come back to your people and tell them never to come back here."

"I ain't going anywhere without them!" Sawyer pointed Alice and Jack, but then he was struck with the woman's weapon.

"Go or we will kill them," she threatened him.

"It's all right. Just go," Alice spoke to Sawyer. She thought she'd never do it again, but the circumstances were extenuating enough and she knew he still cared about her.

He didn't say anything in return, but he did meet her eyes and they were just looking at each other for a moment. He knew he was outnumbered and that she was right. He could get back or probably die. At least this way he would be safe.

Eventually, he listened and turned around, leaving.

The others waited until he disappeared and then they turned back to the couple still kneeling on the hard deck. In that moment Alice thought they would truly kill them and that there was nothing she, Jack or even Sawyer could do about in the end. She only wished she could touch Jack somehow, be in contact with his body in those last moments. Next thing she knew, they were gagged and they couldn't even say anything. All they could do before the sacks were placed back on their heads was to look at each other, saying a silent _I love you_.

Then the darkness came.


	11. Chapter 11

When Jack finally woke up, he was lying on something very hard and uncomfortable. The air in the room was stuffy and hot, his head was pounding painfully and the inside of his mouth was all dry. Still, he opened his eyes and forced himself to get up. Once he could see in the dimly lit room, he noticed it was some kind of an aquarium with rusty walls; one made of glass. He felt like an animal in a cage as he probably was one to the others. It didn't take much to figure out that he was in another Dharma bunker as they seemed to be scattered all around the island. The real question was - where was Alice?

He looked around, locating a camera on the wall and despite his dry lips, he screamed, "Where am I?! Where's Alice?! Let us go! Do you hear me?! I want answers!"

He kept on screaming and screaming and he was just about to give up because he started to feel dizzy, probably from the tranquilizer and the lack of food and water; when he finally heard a door opening and a pretty blonde came in, standing on the other side of the glass wall.

"Hi, Jack," she said. "I'm Juliet."

"Where is she?!" Jack ignored all the information he was given and got straight to the point. "Where is she?!" he repeated angrily, pounding against the glass wall.

"Jack, just calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down! Where the fuck is Alice?!"

"She's safe!" the woman raised her voice as well.

"Where?" Jack repeated his question venomously. "Where am I?!"

"You're in Hydra. One of Dharma stations," Juliet answered to his surprise.

* * *

Alice woke up in a bathroom. For a moment there, she was confused. There was a shower cabin, a towel, a bar of soap and fresh clothes lying right next to her. And a card. There was a card saying to get clean up and change. She wouldn't do anything the others told her to do unless she really was in a need of shower. Her head ached so badly that she thought she might throw up or pass out. She was also hit with sudden nausea and once again, she started wondering whether it was the tranquilizer and the stress or maybe… something else. She really wanted to know where Jack was and whether he was all right or… no, she wouldn't even go there. He had to be alive. If the others took them, they took them for a reason and they promised Michael not to hurt them, didn't they? Still, Alice knew better than to actually believe whatever they said. She really wanted to find Jack and a way out, but the pain in her head was so unbearable and she felt so hot that she reluctantly took her dirty clothes off and stepped into the shower, turning on the cold water. After she got cleaned up, she actually felt much better even though her head was still pounding a little. Her stomach grumbled painfully and her mouth felt dry despite the shower. She tried to drink the water there, but it was actually disgusting with traces of sulfur and chlorine.

Once she was dry and dressed up in a new pair of pants, t-shirt and snickers that didn't belong to her; she searched for a door. She hated to actually accept the clothes the others had given her, but she couldn't bring herself to put her dirty ones back on.

She finally located the door and opened it, immediately finding herself face to face with the fake-beard man from the dock.

"Good, you're awake and dressed. Come, he wants to see you," he told her and she just started at him incredulously, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Where's Jack?!" she asked sharply. "Is he ok? I'm not going anywhere until I know where he is!" she threatened.

"Oh, dear, of course you will go with me, because if you don't… you will not be the one who will pay for this insubordination. Jack will."

Alice felt as though her blood had frozen in her veins.

"Hah! That worked, didn't it?" the man asked with satisfaction. "Jack is safe and he will be as long as the both of you will cooperate."

"What do you want with us?" Alice asked, resolving herself to following the man.

"Stop asking questions. It's not my place to tell you anything anyway."

"Whose is it, then?"

"His," the man said while knocking on the door at the end of the corridor and walking in after hearing a permission.

Alice followed and noticed it was a small study with a desk and a few shelves and behind that desk was sitting…

"You!" she raised her voice. It was 'Henry Gale' or whatever his name truly was. "Where am I?!" she yelled once her escort left. "Where's Jack?! What did you do to him?!"

"Calm down, Alice. Everything in its own time," Henry told her in a calm voice and gestured to a chair on the other side of the desk. "Sit down. Have something to eat. You must be starving."

There was a tray full of food and a pot of water there. Alice couldn't possibly resist as her stomach grumbled again and she craved something to eat and drink. Once again she started to wonder why she was so ravished out of a sudden.

"I want to see him. I want to see Jack," she demanded again when she sat down and reluctantly reached for a sandwich.

"You are very beautiful," Henry suddenly said. "I know now what Jack sees in you."

"Excuse me?" She stopped eating and looked at him.

"Just stating the truth and paying you a compliment."

Just like that, Alice lost her appetite completely and started to be scared again. What did he mean by that compliment, exactly?

"Why? What is it that you want with me?" she finally dared ask, but she still wasn't sure if she really wanted to know the answer to that question. Fear was evident in her eyes.

"My God, Alice! Do you really think of us _that_ low?" Henry asked in shock, or maybe he was just a very good actor. Yeah, he most definitely was if he'd managed to fool them for so long back in the hatch. "I am not going to hurt you in any way and despite the fact that you are very beautiful, there's another woman here who belongs to me. Does this make you feel better and safer?"

"Well, maybe you're not savages, but most definitely old-fashioned. We have the twenty-first century, you know. No woman will ever belong completely to you."

To her astonishment, he actually smiled.

"You are a piece of work, aren't you?"

"So, your name isn't really Henry, is it?" she asked, ignoring his previous remark. "That would be too much of a coincidence."

"No," he smiled again. "It's not Henry. In fact, it's Benjamin. Benjamin Linus. It's nice to meet you."

"Can't say I share the feeling," she said coldly. "Henry actually suited you more. Now, will you finally tell me where the fuck is Jack?" She was really tired with this bizarre conversation, tired of games the others seemed to be ever-playing. She just wanted to get Jack back and return to their camp. She wasn't even as greedy as to wish to come back to Los Angeles. She just wanted to be safe with the man she loved.

"All I can tell you for now, Alice, is that as long as you behave, he will be fine."

Yeah, she was completely screwed.

Especially when after she ate the rest of her sandwich, she was escorted outside and thrown into something that looked like an animal cage.

* * *

Juliet came and went and left some food that Jack refused to touch. He was stubborn and maybe right now he took that to the extreme as he knew he was dangerously close to hallucinating or passing out from the lack of food and water, but despite it all, he kept on screaming. He wanted to see Alice. He wouldn't do anything, he wouldn't eat or drink until he saw that she was all right. Juliet's word wasn't enough for him.

Only eventually, the blonde managed to convince him to eat. He knew he should, too. He was a doctor, after all. Then again, doctors always had this awful feature to care about their patients more than about their own health. Still, Jack knew he had to gain some strength if he even wanted to think of trying to escape from this place. So he ate. And he drunk.

"If you behave, if you do what we ask of you and that includes eating as well, Jack; then maybe you will be allowed to see her," Juliet informed him.

 _Maybe?_ He didn't want their fucking maybe. He needed their word if it was even worth anything!

"I want to see her _NOW_!" he started screaming again, but Juliet just left.

* * *

Once the blonde couldn't do anything more, Ben came to see Jack, introducing himself and trying to carry out a calm conversation with him. This time Jack actually talked to him since he wanted to know why he was being kept in there and why they'd taken him and Alice when letting Sawyer go free. Still, he didn't receive any answers. All he heard was, "If you cooperate, Jack, you will go home."

"Cooperate?" the doctor repeated with a frown. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Of course, it wasn't as though he was answered. Ben just left him there with a fucking TV on. Like Jack needed that crap. It only made it harder for him to think. And he kept on pondering over Linus's words. Whatever the others wanted from him, Jack was scared that they had both him and Alice, because they actually had the best bargaining chip there was and because they knew that Jack would do just about anything to keep her safe. He just now begun to see how flawless their plan truly was.

* * *

"Kate! Kate! Wake up!" She felt somebody shaking her awake and then she finally opened her eyes. For a moment her vision was blurry, but then she finally saw clearly. She had a terrible headache and her mouth was parched. "Are you all right?" she heard Sawyer's question and there he gave her water. She gulped it all down before she managed to answer. "They must've hit you with more of the tranquilizer than us," he guessed.

"What?" She didn't understand a thing, but then it all just came back to her at once. "Sawyer! The others! Where are Jack and Alice?!" Kate asked and got to her feet just to stagger dangerously a second later. Luckily for her, Sawyer caught her in time.

"Easy there," he said, steadying her. "They took them and let me go," he explained.

"What?" She frowned at that.

"They wanted Jack and Alice all along. I don't know why. Michael got Walt back and a boat and he's probably on his merry way to Copacabana right now."

"Why did they let you go? Why didn't they take me?" Kate wanted to know.

"How am I supposed to know how those idiots think?" Sawyer asked sharply. "We need to go back and save them."

"Wait," Kate said and stopped him by grabbing his arm. "Where do you think you're going?"

"What do you mean? I ain't going back without Alice," he said stubbornly. "And she ain't wanna go nowhere without the doc, so I need to get him, too!"

"Sawyer, just think about it for a moment. You want to go in there alone and face all of the others? We don't know how many of them are and we don't even have a single gun on us left!" Kate tried to speak to his reason. "Everything Michael told us was a lie, so we'd be going blind! I agree that we need to help them, but not like this. Let's just go back to the camp, tell the rest what happened and then we'll figure out a plan."

"Oh, damn it!" Sawyer cursed when he realized that Kate was right and that going after the others with no back up, no plan and no guns was a suicide. He groaned and finally let the brunette pull him back in the direction of the camp.

* * *

Jack didn't know how long he was in the cage before someone came to see him again. It felt like ages, especially when he had nothing better to do than to imagine all the dreadful scenarios of his future. Not knowing what the others wanted from him was killing him and the fact that Alice instead of being safe in the camp, was somewhere close to him, yet unattainable, was downright terrifying and driving him crazy.

And then, just like that, Juliet walked inside in scrubs covered in blood.

Jack immediately raised from his position on the hard ground and came as close as the glass wall allowed him to.

"Whose blood is this?" he asked, already worried sick.

"It belongs to a woman who's dying," Juliet just answered and it was as though a bucket of cold water was poured over his head. He froze completely, terrified that it was Alice's.

" _What_?" he hissed, feeling all his worst fears coming true. He hadn't been there on time to save her twin sister and now he wasn't there to save Alice as well.

"Don't worry, it's not _her_ blood," Juliet said and he felt like he was capable of just strangling the blonde with his bare hands even though he was a doctor and his job was to actually save lives, not take them.

"Then what do you want from me?!" he asked sharply, his emotions in shreds. He truly didn't know how long of being in confinement and worrying like this he could take before he cracked.

"I need your help."

* * *

They put a sack over his head before they took him outside, leading to wherever the woman was bleeding out. If he could save a life, if he did that, then maybe they would let him see Alice, he thought. Maybe that was what he was there to do… but no, that couldn't be it. Whatever happened was an accident and the others couldn't have possibly predicted that. Once he was outside, a terrible alarm sounded and he couldn't hear anything but the ringing in his ears. It was probably to disorientate him so he wouldn't know where he was.

Alice had been in a strange stupor for two days now, just sitting locked in that cage and being let out only to use the bathroom. She stopped asking about Jack, knowing she wouldn't get an answer anyway and then she heard this horrible alarm and finally, she saw him. He had a sack put over his head and was led by a blonde woman in bloody scrubs. Alice started screaming, doing her best to be loud enough for him to actually hear her, but to no avail. Next thing she knew, he was just gone and she was left alone. The alarm stopped. But at least she knew he was all right. At least she knew they weren't lying to her. That they really did have him and he didn't seem to be harmed in any way. Only why did they keep them separated? What did they want from them? Those questions she couldn't get answers to, were pure torture.

* * *

Jack, even though exhausted, paid attention to everything around him. He wasn't stupid. He suspected now what the others wanted him to do and he even thought that those X-Rays he saw were put there deliberately so he would notice. Or the others just hadn't had the time to hide them. Either way, he knew now what was expected from him. Still, he pushed that thought aside at the moment as he focused on saving the girl who was bleeding out on the table.

Despite his best efforts, she died and for a moment there, where he looked at her face, he saw Alice's face. Or maybe Anne's. It didn't really matter. It was enough to rattle him and he moved backwards until his back hit a wall. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see Alice's dead face on that table anymore. It wasn't her, he kept telling himself and eventually, when he finally opened his eyes, he saw that it really wasn't.

"Are you all right?" Juliet asked him when walking over to him. The sheet was just being pulled over the dead girl's face.

"Whose those X-Rays belong to?" Jack just asked the blonde, taking her off track.

"What?"

"Male of approximately forty years old, he has a large tumor on his spine and I'm just happen to be a spinal surgeon," Jack informed coldly. "Tell me the truth, Juliet. Tell me whom I'm going to save."

* * *

"You know, we really thought we got you," Ben started when he visited the doctor the next day. "We were nice to you. I even sent Juliet to take care of you and her striking resemblance to your ex-wife wasn't an accident."

Jack nearly couldn't believe he heard that right. Did Ben really think that just because Juliet was a sweet blonde, Jack would immediately trust her? Or maybe he'd already had a little? Talking to her was certainly a better alternative than just sitting alone in the dark, thinking about the fact that he still hadn't seen Alice.

"We wanted you to like us. We wanted you to see the world from our perspective. We wanted you to see the community here."

"Funny that you did," Jack said, "since you killed much more of our people than the other way around."

"Are you so sure about that, Jack?" Ben asked when raising an eyebrow. "Let's just say we're even."

"And now what? You want me to save your life?" It didn't take much for Jack to put two and two together and to figure out that the X-Rays he'd seen earlier belonged to Ben. Maybe an average doctor wouldn't see it, but Jack was an experienced spinal surgeon and he could tell that Ben's neck ached and was quite stiff.

"No, Jack," Ben said to his astonishment. "I wanted you to want to save my life and now… well, that's out of the question."

"Do you really think I would?" Jack repeated, not sure whether he thought Ben was crazy or just a very good manipulator. Maybe a little bit of both.

"Oh, right. We have her. You see, I needed to take her to have a bargaining chip. I needed to take her just in case."

"Why play games, Ben?" Jack asked when coming closer even though they were still separated by the glass wall. "You could've just threatened her right away and we wouldn't have to have this conversation now."

"As I said, I really wanted you to want to help me. I thought you could see we aren't that much different than you and your people."

"You never helped us when the plane crashed," Jack started counting out. "You did send two of your people, but they weren't there to help. They were there to spy on us. You took us away and you really expect me to just start trusting you now?"

"Maybe one day," Ben just said and left the room before Jack managed to say something to that. Instead, the doctor just shook his head.

* * *

The next person who came to see Jack was Juliet and it was no surprise, really. She offered to play him a movie and Jack kept on wondering what kind of games they were really playing with him. He didn't want to see any fucking movie! The only thing – or rather person – he wanted to see was Alice. That was all.

And then he actually noticed that the movie wasn't _To Kill the Mockingbird_ , but it was Juliet herself standing in front of the camera with posters in her hands. She was talking to him now, but the posters said to ignore her so Jack idly read what she really wanted to tell him. And apparently, she wanted him to 'accidentally' kill Ben on the operating table.

"Think about what I said," she told him when she turned the movie off and walked towards the door. "Please."

"Juliet," Jack called after her and when she turned, he just said, "I need to think of Alice first." It was all he could tell her not to betray what she just showed him. She might've been right. In fact, she probably was and Ben was the devil incarnated, but Jack really had no choice. He would not lose Alice over this, therefore he would have to perform the surgery. And something told him that he'd better succeed.

* * *

Jack was in shock when once the door opened the next time, two people walked inside and Juliet was guiding a woman with a sack put over her head. When the sack was taken off, Jack's heart grew and almost burst out of his chest when he saw Alice. Alice who seemed quite all right, although extremely sad. He immediately walked straight towards her only to be painfully reminded that there was still a wall between them.

Alice, on the other hand, was a little confused. When they'd put a sack over her head again and then let her out of the cage and taken somewhere, she was terrified, thinking that maybe they would finally get rid of her. That she would die alone. Next, she felt herself walking into something that resembled a hatch. She felt the obvious change in the air - it became stuffier, more confined. Then it only got worse and she knew why when she opened her eyes. She was in some kind of an aquarium. Another cage, something told her, but then she stilled, seeing the one person she nearly lost the hope to see. No matter how long she'd screamed for the others to let her see him, they hadn't listened. And now she was finally there with Jack.

"Jack!" she screamed his name, nearly stumbling as she took up running only to came to a sudden and quite awkward stop when he raised his hand and screamed to watch out.

"There's a glass wall here!" he warned her.

Of course, she thought, her excitement dropping. Why would the others let them touch each other? It would be too much.

Still, for now it was enough for Alice to just see Jack even though she couldn't touch him. All she could do was to place her hand in the exact spot he did his on the other side of the glass.

"I'll give you two some privacy," they heard Juliet leaving.

For a moment they could only stare at each other.

"Are you all right?" Jack finally asked. "Did they hurt you?"

Alice just shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn't seem to speak. And God, how much did she want his arms to just envelop her right now and never let go.

"Where are they keeping you?" Jack asked another question.

"In the cage outside. It's not that bad. I'm mostly bored and that's the worst."

"Yeah," he admitted with a small smile. "Me, too. They told me why they're keeping us here. It's because they need me, Alice," he explained, "and because we're together."

She frowned. "I don't understand."

"Ben… it's the real name of…"

"I know," Alice nodded. "He told me."

"Did he also tell you that he's sick?" Jack prompted. "He has a tumor on his spine and he wants me to operate."

"What? No, you can't do that! That man is…" Alice started, but Jack interrupted her.

"No, Alice, that's the thing, I have to. If I don't, we're both dead. He promised me that we'll be safe, provided that I save him first."

"So you have no choice," she realized.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't. I just want to be able to hold you again."

She smiled through her tears. "Yeah," she admitted. "Do your best, but if you can't... save him… I'll understand."

"Don't even say that. This surgery has to work. I hate that we have to play his game. Even now he's manipulating me by sending you here…" Jack's voice trailed off and they just looked at each other some more.

"I wish I could touch you right now," he whispered, tracing the outline of her cheek with his hand on the glass.

"You will," she assured him. "After it's all over, you will." Then she thought a little and added, "I guess we finally know what's eye-fucking," Alice joked and they both burst out laughing. And good because they really needed it. "I love you," she felt the need to say that once they calmed down.

"I love you, too. More than anything," he assured her.

She smiled to him through her tears and the door opened again, showing Juliet.

"I'm sorry. She has to leave now," she said in an apologetic tone as though she was truly sorry that she had to take Alice away from Jack. And who knew, maybe she was.

Once Alice was gone, Ben walked inside.

"If you help me, the both of you can get back home. And by home I mean LA, not your beach. I have nothing bigger to offer, Jack."

"If you're lying to me, you better pray," Jack threatened.

"I am not lying. I may be a lot of things, Jack, but I am a man of my word."

"We start first thing in the morning," Jack informed.

"Really?"

"Really. Have Juliet prep everything. She'll know what."

"Thank you, Jack." Ben sent him a smile. "A man in love will truly do anything for his chosen one, won't he?" he asked before he left.

* * *

Jack kept his word and he started the surgery at 6 AM sharp.

After long, arduous hours and one accidentally nicked artery, he was finally able to close and suture Ben up. The man didn't die during the operation and now Jack could only pray that everything would go on smoothly although everyone assisting the surgery with Tom included – the fake-beard finally introduced himself – saw that the doctor did everything in his power.

"All right," Jack said when he took off his scrubs. "I held up my part of the bargain. Now it's your turn."

"Come with me," Juliet simply said and prepared another sack to pull over Jack's head.


	12. Chapter 12

It was quite bizarre for Alice when she was taken off the island – which turned out not to even be the one she'd been on before – to her island and then into a village. They told her that everything was all right, that the doctor had performed the surgery, but he needed to stay behind for a while and then help transport Ben. After all, Linus required constant care those first few days after the operation.

Barely had Alice managed to look around the village, mesmerized by how modern the life of the others really was and quite scared of their security system; she was taken straight into one of the houses and told to wait inside. She hated when someone told her what to do and the fact that she couldn't protest upset her even more. She was restless. She wanted to know more. She just wanted it all… to be over, she thought when she heavily sat down on a couch. She didn't even feel like snooping around the house. She saw all the rooms briefly and it was enough for now. She apparently had a living room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom; all being total opposites to the awful prison she'd been in back on the other island. She kind of needed a shower, but somehow she was unable to move. From what she gathered, she was to wait for Jack and this house was… for them? She had trouble believing that. Was the deal Jack made with Ben _that_ good? On the other hand, why wouldn't it be? Jack saved the man's life. If it wasn't for him, Ben wouldn't have much time left. Also, it required a big deal of trust from Linus since Jack could have killed him during the operation any time and no one would even know that it was deliberate. Not that Jack was capable of such a thing, Alice thought. He really wasn't, but if her life hadn't been on the line, he wouldn't have performed the surgery in the first place. Wasn't it the same thing? Was refusing to save someone's life the same as killing them? Maybe not. Maybe a person wouldn't feel so guilty in the first case scenario…

Alice was really tired of her frantic thinking and she just wished to… to see Jack again. To touch him. To never let him go. The time of their separation was especially difficult for her. She'd had nothing to look forward to. All her days had been filled with nothing to do and a lot time to kill and when you wanted to do just that, it actually seemed to pass slower. Alice always hated that once she enjoyed something, once she was busy, the time just flew and before she knew it, it was all over. A week was over. Then a month. And a year. Sometimes she was scared of her life just passing by and her not being able to stop for long enough to appreciate and enjoy the moment. All the time she'd so far spent alone with Jack seemed to be stolen as it was hard to find some privacy on the island. Could that finally change? Could they stay here, in this house until they were able to go back home? Could they, really? Could it really be that simple? At least it seemed simple for her since she just existed, she survived whereas it was Jack who had to make the hard choice. It was Jack who had to do the surgery and…

She didn't know how much time had passed since she'd arrived at this house, but finally, the door opened again and she was already on her feet, looking in that direction, seeing who was there.

And it was him.

"Jack!" she called out his name and before she knew it, her legs were leading her on their own and she sank into his arms so naturally as though they were never separated, as though they were simply one being.

He didn't say anything, he just held her and tried to calm himself down, to finally believe that they were out of the woods, that the others had kept their promise, that there was no danger.

Finally, after what seemed like a very long time, they parted so they could look at each other.

"When was the last time you shaved?" Alice asked the silliest question ever and she laughed at the realization. "Scratch that. Are you all right? What's happening?"

"I did the operation and Ben's fine. I believe he'll make a full recovery and in exchange we were given this house. He said that we'll get back home, but we need to wait about a week for the submarine to come back and take us."

"Submarine?" Alice repeated to make sure she heard it right. "That's a little… wow. And they gave Michael just a boat?"

"Michael was in a hurry. There was no place left for him on this island."

"True," Alice admitted and just couldn't stop staring at Jack. She really missed looking into those brown eyes which actually were happy now and not scared and desperate like the last time she'd seen him.

"Are _you_ all right?" Jack made sure. "They didn't hurt you at all, did they?"

She shook her head. "No, Jack. They didn't. They probably wouldn't touch me for fear that you might find out and refuse to cooperate."

He just nodded.

"God, I really missed you," he said and cupped her face, kissing her with all his might. She pulled her arms around him, wanting to feel his strong body against her own, wanting the proof of his physical presence there to convince her that this was real and there was no catch. They were really going back home.

"I really think we need a shower," Alice said when the kiss was broken. "And we have a perfectly nice bathroom over there."

"Oh, do we now?" He smiled naughtily at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, what's with you and shower sex? Most times it isn't really that comfortable. And it's very slippery."

"It's not much about sex as about seeing you naked and wet," he said.

"That pun didn't really work out," she teased when taking his hand and leading him to the bathroom.

"Who said anything about it being a pun? I meant it in a perfectly…"

He shut up when she kissed him again and then walked towards the shower to turn on the hot water. He wanted to say something again, but he was just too busy watching her strip.

"What? It's been quite a long time," he answered her mute question and she just shook her head. It only amused him more. He really loved teasing her and watching her getting angry at him. But not too angry, he corrected when he dropped his own clothes and stepped into the shower after her.

He reached for her, but she was having none of it. She really just wanted to clean herself up first. Once that was done and Jack followed her example, she pretended not to notice his full-on erection and let him massage the shampoo into her hair, which actually turned out to be a very erotic experience. Before she knew it, she gave up and her hand grabbed his face (she was still a little annoyed about that stubble there, though) and kissed him fiercely.

And then her foot slipped.

"See? I was right. It's dangerous to have sex in the shower. I'm pretty sure people died that way."

"What?" Jack couldn't help but laugh. "You had no problem with that back in…"

"Because it was pretty much the only place we could be sure we had some privacy!" she answered before he finished his question.

"All right, how about this," he suggested and turned off the water, then opened the shower door, letting the cold air in.

"Hey!" Alice protested, but she did it just for effect. She got what she wanted when he theatrically shook his head, pretending to be mad at her that she didn't like that either.

"Come here!" he then said and reached for her, pulling her out of the cabin. Completely naked and wet and without even using a towel, he just left the bathroom until he reached the small bedroom and dropped her squealing form on the bed.

"I'm all wet!" she protested when laughing.

"Good." He nodded with appreciation and joined her, covering her body with his, touching her, kissing her and being already frustrated enough to rub his erection against her.

They were soon consumed by desire and hunger for each other after being separated for so long. Their hands were nearly bruising, their teeth biting. Soon enough Jack slid inside of her and then they was nothing but them. All the worrying flew away from their heads and once they reached their peak, they came down from their climaxes deliciously relaxed and calmed.

Once Jack slid out of her and lay on his back, Alice snuggled up to his chest and his arm went around her immediately as it was the most natural thing on this earth, as they perfectly fitted together.

"I feel so good," she sighed blissfully a few minutes later. "We finally don't have to rush. We don't have to worry that someone will see us. Hell, we can sleep in, in the morning!... And we need to shower again," she then decided, feeling all sticky, but still, she didn't move. Lying in Jack's arms and being completely relaxed was a new feeling and she wanted to enjoy the moment.

Before she reminded herself to get up and get back in the shower, she was fast asleep, completely depleted of any strength. She came down from the high of emotions and excitement and now she just needed to rest and apparently, so did Jack.

* * *

She decided to wake him up by straddling him and decorating his naked body with kisses. He groaned through his sleep and then he finally began waking up, clearly surprised with her position, but also pleased. She didn't waste any time. She took him in and started riding him slowly until they both needed it faster and faster…

Once they reached their release, they were once again tiredly lying in bed, side by side, breathing heavily.

And it was just another day in the Dharma village.

Soon, Jack groaned again, but this time it wasn't from pleasure. He didn't want to leave the bed when Alice was still in it, but he had to keep checking up on Ben every morning. It was just another price he and Alice had to pay to get out of the island. And then Jack actually remembered that they were to leave the very next morning and immediately felt better. Could it be real? Because it certainly seemed too crazy to be true. They would be allowed to go home tomorrow. Home which was LA. Finally, he and Alice would be able to start real life together. He would introduce her to what little family he had and make sure they were both never alone. They could finally be happy. Of course he wasn't intending on leaving the rest of his people behind. The first thing he was going to do when coming back would be notifying the right authorities about the truth of the Oceanic 815 crash. He was going to make sure his and Alice's friends were found. He owed them that and especially he owed it to Claire since the young mother couldn't stay on the island forever. Aaron needed education and modern medicine in case anything happened.

Alice kept on lying in bed in a blissful relaxation for a few more minutes after Jack left the house. Eventually, she heaved herself up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. She knew what the next day was and she was both scared and excited about it. Still, it didn't feel right for her to start dreaming about her future with Jack just yet. They were still on the island and she didn't want to jinx it. She was scared to even think of what could be and she had trouble believing it. Could the others really let them go just like that?

She left the shower, wrapped in a towel and stood in front of the mirror. Once she wiped the steam off, she looked at her face closer as she hadn't really had many chances back on the beach. It'd been always hard to keep clean there, not to mention admiring one's reflection in the mirror. Sometimes she wondered how the hell Jack had fallen in love with her like that. She wasn't ugly. She never thought of herself as such, but she couldn't leave the house without make up on back in LA and now… She laughed at her own reflection. Maybe she was even pretty like this, she decided. Brown hair – now lightened up by sunlight – brown eyes, quite pretty lips and lean silhouette. She had more than most girls. Her complexion didn't seem to look that bad either. It was actually pretty nice and that look in her eyes…

Alice didn't want to admit it to Jack just yet, but she was suspecting she was pregnant. No one glowed that much, did they? Besides, there were all those strange feelings of nausea she'd been having for quite some time now. She never threw up in the morning, but it didn't mean she wasn't expecting a baby. Everyone was different and went through pregnancy in a different way, too. She remembered how she'd fainted on seeing Ana Lucia and Libby dead. She remembered all those sick feelings she'd been having when they'd ventured out to find the others and when they'd been captured. And now… now those feelings were nearly screaming at her. Her stomach clenched and twisted, she felt nausea again, but she didn't feel like throwing up. She took a few deep, cleansing breaths and it passed. It seemed weird in overall, but what on the island didn't? She kind of wanted to talk to Jack about it, but then she decided she needed to be sure first. She'd grown so attached to him that she no longer feared having a baby so soon in their relationship. She'd actually never minded. She lost her entire family and on this island she'd gained a new one. Maybe a baby would be just what she needed – another person to love. In the end, she decided to just take a test once back in LA and if the result was positive, she would talk to Jack about it. She remembered his insecurities, but she kind of hoped he was slowly getting over them. Why would he so eagerly have sex with her if he didn't get past them?

As the day went on, those strange feelings and reactions only increased and Alice truly didn't know what to think.

* * *

It happened in the evening.

Jack and Alice stopped their pretended mingling among the others, the smiles they were sending everyone's way, the fake care they showed and finally released a breath of relief when finding themselves back in their 'house'. The only two likeable people among the others were definitely Alex – Rousseau's daughter as Alice figured out – and Juliet, the blonde fertility doctor. Those two women seemed not to belong to the rest with their natural kindness and care.

"So, it's our last night on this island," Jack said with a smile when coming closer to Alice who was standing propped against the kitchen counter. "Tomorrow at this time we'll be out of here. Maybe we'll even reach some land by then."

"I can't truly believe it," Alice admitted when winding her arms around his neck and getting closer.

"Just do it," Jack whispered, leaning towards her and capturing her lips with his. "Tomorrow we'll be free. Ben and I went over all the details today. First thing in the morning – we're boarding the submarine."

"Mhmm…" was all that Alice managed to utter when kissing him again until he heaved her up and sat on the counter so her legs wound go around his waist.

They'd been kissing for quite a while and were ready to move on to the next step when they suddenly heard loud and clear, "What the hell?!"

Jack and Alice jumped and moved away from each other, looking in shock at the newcomer who turned out to be Sawyer.

And he was in shock as well. Alice couldn't believe she was really seeing him in their house. How had he gotten past the defenses? Why was he even back? Was he alone? Still, none of those questions mattered anymore. All that mattered was his safety. After all, Jack had never made a deal that included James, too.

She thought she was right not to dream about the future too much. It was too far away and truly beyond her grasp now. It always had been.

Maybe that was why she took it all in with such calmness. She only wanted Sawyer to survive.

"Run!" she yelled at him.

"What?" He seemed to be even more surprised now. "What the hell, Alice?!"

"James, just run!" she screamed, but it was already too late. The others burst through the door, grabbed Sawyer's gun and tackled him to the ground. Yet, he was still struggling.

"Just stop, James," Alice begged him with tears in her eyes whereas Jack kept on telling the others to leave his friend alone and let him go. "Surrender," Alice advised when Sawyer finally calmed down and just looked at her. "I'm so sorry, James," she told him. "I really wish you hadn't come for me."

She couldn't talk to him anymore since the others dragged him out of the house. She quickly discovered that she was shaking, not caring about anything at the moment, even ready to give up her spot on the submarine just so they would let him go free.

"Damn it! Just damn it! Fuck!" Jack cursed, angrily kicking a chair in the living room and then placing his hands on his head.

"Jack, we need to make sure they don't hurt him," Alice said in a strangely detached voice. "We need to make sure he doesn't die for nothing!"

Jack slowly managed to calm himself down and then he just nodded. "All right," he said. "I'll go talk to Tom."

"Jack, can I…?"

"You know how they look at you, Alice," he told her when placing his hand on her arm. "They trust me, but they only tolerate you because you were a part of the deal that I made. I can't let anything happen to you, too. I promise I'll talk to them and do what's in my power and I will ask if you can talk to Sawyer. But that's it."

"All right. Ok," Alice agreed, seeing the wisdom behind his words. She was really upset about the way she was treated by the others, as though she was expendable, as though she wasn't important enough, but she couldn't do anything about it. Not when she didn't have any power in this place and any defiance could cost her both her and Jack's life. Not to mention now Sawyer's, too.

* * *

Jack did go see Tom as he promised and he did ask for Alice to be able to talk to Sawyer, but he met with rock hard denial. All Tom could do for the doc – and Jack suspected it was only because the old man had grown somehow fond of him – was to let Jack in himself. The rest wasn't up to him and he couldn't guarantee the man's safety either. In reality, Jack didn't trust any of the others with a small exception of Juliet and Alex. He didn't know all of them as they tended to avoid him and Alice, but he was sure that he would never be able to trust neither Tom nor Ben.

Once he went through the door, he spotted Sawyer struggling angrily with his handcuffs.

"Those won't come off without a key, you know," he said just to start the conversation.

"They sent _you_ here?" Sawyer asked, ignoring Jack's remark. "Where is she?!"

"She wanted to come and talk to you, but they didn't approve."

" _Approve_?" Sawyer snorted. "And you made a deal with those people?!"

"Yes. I made a deal with them because I didn't have any other choice!" Jack raised his voice as well. "I don't like them, hell, I don't trust them, but I had no choice! I had to keep Alice safe and they would kill her if I didn't operate on Ben!"

"Ben?" Sawyer frowned.

"Henry Gale. His real name is actually Benjamin Linus and he had a tumor on his spine, if you can believe it."

"Honestly? I don't think nothing can surprise me on this island anymore. I wouldn't even be surprised if you decided to join them."

"Do you really think so low of me, Sawyer? I wouldn't have helped them if it hadn't been for her and you know it."

"Well, I had that one covered!"

"Damn it, Sawyer!" Jack burst angrily at the guy. "You weren't supposed to come!"

"And what was your plan after the operation?" James nearly hissed. "How were you going to escape?"

"That's the thing. I wasn't going to. When I fixed Ben, he also promised me that he'd get me and Alice home."

"Home? You mean LA home?"

"Yes, Sawyer, that home. The submarine leaves first thing in the morning and we'll be on it. I'm sorry, but you've come here for nothing. We were perfectly fine."

"And how was I supposed to know that?!"

Jack closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose as though he'd gotten a sudden headache.

"Honestly?" Jack finally spoke to the guy again. "I didn't think you'd come back. You never risk your neck for anyone."

"Well, that one changed when I lost the only friend I've ever had," he received in answer.

"It doesn't change the fact that I had it handled," Jack murmured under his breath, clearly pissed.

"With all due respect, doc," Sawyer said acidly, "you're not the only one who cares about her."

Before Jack managed to say anything to that and get even more angry, they heard knocking on the door.

"Jack, I'm sorry, but we have to go," Tom said when sticking his head in.

The doctor turned to Sawyer one last time.

"I will take Alice out of here tomorrow. I hope you understand. She deserves to get out of this island. But I promise you, I will get help." After that, Jack left.

* * *

Alice was only getting worse. She couldn't really comprehend why. It wasn't that she felt like fainting, it was more like she felt something inside her stomach, something that had nothing to do with physical sickness or being poisoned and something that was way too foreign to be a pregnancy. Still, she thought that it had to be a baby growing inside her. She'd never been pregnant, so how would she know? Yet, that terrible feeling only intensified when she and Jack, hand in hand were walking towards the submarine in the morning. It was still dark outside, but the fresh and crisp smell of the dawn was already hanging in the air. It was nice, it was awakening the minds and bringing hope into the hearts. Only not her heart, she thought morosely, feeling terrible when leaving Sawyer behind and what more, leaving him to an unknown fate among the others. It was truly the last thing she wanted even when she was still angry with him, even when she still hadn't forgiven him. He'd come to save her and she really wanted to actually save him back, but then Jack convinced her they had no other choice but to leave. In the end, it wasn't even him that did the trick. It was the slightest possibility of her being pregnant. Nothing was more important than that, not even her best friend – or maybe ex best friend, she wasn't sure anymore.

When they put their feet on the dock, she suddenly gasped and squeezed Jack's hand a little bit tighter, recognizing that feeling again, but now about ten times stronger.

"Jack," she said with conviction, "something's wrong."

The moment those words left her lips they saw a figure stepping out of the darkness with their hands raised up high. It was Locke. What he was doing there, they did not know. Alice could tell that he heard her, though, because he shot her a very intrigued and surprised look. And then he turned to her companion, "I'm sorry, Jack."

"For what?"

In that moment there was a sudden explosion and the submarine was just gone.

Alice, Jack and Juliet were just watching their dreams going up in flames although somehow, it didn't surprised Alice that they wouldn't be getting back to LA, after all. It seemed too beautiful to be true, almost too easy. Too easy even with what Jack had had to do in order to get that promise from Ben. And now they were back at square one. What more, they were on the enemy's territory and they had no way of knowing what would happen next. Jack was already protective as he put his arms around Alice, shielding her with his body. For a moment there, he contemplated running away, but he didn't know which direction to run to and besides, the others were already circling in on them and taking them back to the village.

* * *

Alice opened her eyes to a pounding headache, dryness in her mouth and something on top of her, crashing her. The surface on which she was lying wasn't that comfortable either, she quickly decided when she woke up more fully. She tried to get the heavy object off of her and discovered that in fact it was quite soft, not resembling anything made of wood or metal at all. And then she sat up straight, accidentally pushing Jack off all the way.

He groaned when the part of his body that was crashing her came in contact with the floor, but then he woke up and winced immediately when the light of the day hit his pupils.

"Jack?" he heard Alice's terrified voice. "Jack, what happened? Where is everyone?"

He blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes, then he managed to sat up as well, his back propped against the wall. Somehow they were on the floor in the hall of 'their' Dharma house, the front door opened widely.

"I have no idea," he answered when finally shifting his eyes back to Alice. "You all right?"

"I think so. I just have this awful headache and I'm really thirsty."

"That's probably because they drugged us," Jack guessed and slowly, while supporting his hands against the wall, got up and then on wobbly feet went towards the door hanging open. "They're… they're all gone," he said when turning back to Alice.

"What? To where?" She was so surprised that she just had to get up and see it with her own eyes. What had happened during the dawn still hadn't sunk in and she could only imagine how much more upset Jack was. He was the one who'd done everything the others had asked him to, to keep her, Alice, alive and to get her home. And it was all for nothing. Well, at least the others had let them live instead of just killing them, Alice thought when finally joining Jack in the door and putting her arm around him so they could both support each other.

The village was completely abandoned, some things left behind scattered on the ground, door and windows hanging open.

"It's a true ghost town now," Alice decided.

"Alice!" they suddenly heard someone calling her and the woman in question didn't look too pleased when she saw Sawyer running towards them and behind him Kate with Juliet. "Are you all right?" he asked when finally reaching her and Jack and then he put his hand on her free shoulder. "Are you hurt?" he made sure.

"No," Alice hissed through her teeth and walked away from him, not eager to be in his company right now. Now that she saw that nothing threatened his life, she was back to being angry with him. It wasn't even that she was upset about the submarine exploding, she kind of knew they would never get out that way. How she knew, that was still a mystery to her, though. She was just pissed that James had come for her, thinking he'd rescue her and Jack and as result, he'd only gotten himself and them into more trouble. He could've died for a Christ's sake! Alice refused to think that with that one act the man actually tried to show her that he'd changed and that he would not give up on their friendship. Fate was ironic, truly.

"Where's Locke?" Jack only asked when he saw no one else beside Juliet and Kate – who by the way didn't seem to be too friendly towards each other.

"He came to see us right before," Kate said when pointing her and Sawyer, "to say goodbye. He left with Ben."

"He did _what_?!" Jack hissed, clearly furious with John's behavior.

"Yeah, I thought so, too," Sawyer only nodded. "The guy's totally joined the dark side! No offence, sweetheart," he then turned to Juliet who didn't exactly send him a friendly look.

"Why would you even bring him and the dynamite with you?!" Jack asked again.

"Jack," Alice turned to him, taking his hand and entwining their fingers together. "What's done's done. We should just get back to our camp."

"What about her?" Sawyer pointed Juliet. "She ain't going with us!"

"She helped me and Alice a lot," Jack informed the guy, "so she is coming with us. She's under my protection, understood?"

Sawyer seemed to be waiting for Alice to disagree, but when she still didn't even want to look his way, he just sighed and started off towards the jungle, murmuring something under his nose about doing the right thing and getting nothing in return.

"So, we're back to the start," Alice said to Jack when together they followed the rest, their hands still joined.

"It appears so," he answered in a defeated voice.


	13. Chapter 13

It was weird, surreal even for Alice to come back to the beach camp and to see all the familiar faces after spending so much time away. After being kidnapped by the others, separated from Jack, kept in a cage and finally, being able to leave, but then forced to stay again.

The survivors welcomed them back with open arms and Alice actually felt her good mood coming back. Ever since Jack had seen the sub being destroyed, he'd lost his hope, feeling both devastated and furious and it kind of affected her, too. Now she could finally breath. She felt like she was home. Currently, there was nothing to run to or from. She was among the people she'd grown to love and treat nearly as her own family. It didn't please her to learn that the hatch had blown up… or imploded… she didn't quite understand that phenomena, but what mattered was that it was just gone. No more showers. No more… Alice only sighed and decided to push those thoughts away. She should be happy that she, Jack and… She stopped again. She was happy that they were all, all right. And maybe it wasn't fair that she'd yelled at Sawyer instead of thanking him. No one else was determined and brave enough to actually march into the jungle straight into the enemy's camp just to rescue her. Maybe the gesture, the intention was what should really matter. Besides, Sawyer didn't blow up the boat. Locke did.

With all of that in her mind, Alice started looking for the blond guy. She'd sworn once that she would never forgive him, that she would never trust him again or try to rekindle their friendship, but something told her that she really should. Sawyer risked everything when going after her and trying to save Jack for her as well! He clearly wasn't the same man who'd tricked them all into giving him all the guns and medicine. He seemed to have truly changed now and even Kate admitted that.

Eventually, Alice spotted his lonely figure on the shore. He looked so down and so defeated that her heart went out to him. She needed to go over there and talk to him right away. She glanced back at Jack, but he was too busy catching up with the rest to notice her, so she just made her way to James.

Once she reached him, she suddenly found herself speechless, so she just joined him, sitting right by his side and mimicking his pose when supporting her arms on her bent knees. She was desperately looking for the right thing to say and then he spoke first, "I came for you because I wanted to make it right. I screwed up so many times I lost count. I never did right by you and you were the only real friend I've ever had. There, said it."

Alice was actually surprised to hear all of that. She never expected such honesty, but then again, she'd met with it once before. It was when Sawyer revealed to her his big secret. Maybe she should actually give him the benefit of the doubt. She'd never expected him to care enough to risk his own life and come for her and he'd done just that.

"I'm sorry I acted the way I did," she finally apologized, but didn't have the courage to look him in the eye just yet. Instead, she focused on the ocean in front of them. "I just didn't see it before it was too late," she added and hoped he understood her. She was mad at him for coming for her, but now once she actually thought how he must've felt, she understood that he'd really risked it all for her.

"I care about you. I care more than you know and…" he hesitated before he continued, "it really hurt when you turned your back on me."

Alice just nodded. "All right. We can start over. I guess I should thank you for thinking about me. For trying to save me and Jack."

"Yeah, I knew it'd be for nothing if I only saved you," Sawyer joked and Alice laughed a little. "I'm sorry that the sub exploded," he then added in a more serious tone. "If only I knew you were going off the island…"

"But you didn't and you didn't blow it up yourself either. Locke did. So I do _not_ blame you," Alice emphasized and finally, she met his blue eyes. "I forgive you for everything, but I will not do it again."

"Understood." He nodded. "So… you wanna hug it out or something? And just so you know, I still thank God that I didn't get to your and doc's place a few minutes later…" he added, obviously joking again and it did exactly what he intended – Alice laughed again.

"Stop that!" she scolded him and playfully bumped his knee with hers. "But you can hug me if you want."

Sawyer laughed merrily and then his arms were around her and he pretended to try to struggle her as his hold on her tightened significantly and she squealed joyfully, hugging him back. Jack was watching them in that moment with a strange expression on his face.

* * *

Alice was actually surprised the next day when she woke up and didn't feel any nausea or strange feelings in the depths of her stomach. It seemed wrong somehow, as though she should suffer, still. Wasn't that what pregnant women were usually going through? Why would things be any different in her case?

It felt good to wake up by Jack's side – even if this time it was in a tent and not a bed – but physically she seemed to hurt all over. It was amazing, really, how fast one could get used to a comfy bed and how hard it was to get used to sleeping on the ground again. Alice would love to stay and wait till Jack opened his eyes, maybe score some kisses, but she felt like she really needed to stretch her legs and just… everything, she decided, frustrated with her physical state. She also needed to figure out if she was really pregnant. She just had to know. And when she knew, she would have to talk to Jack. She felt awful when hiding such a big thing from him and felt the need to just be honest.

Once she emerged from her tent and stretched out all her muscles, she figured that she would be too lucky if Sawyer turned out to have another pregnancy test as he'd already given one to Sun. She needed an alternative way to find out if she was carrying a child. Going over to him and asking for what she needed didn't appeal to her at all this time anyway. She knew she wouldn't hear the end of it.

She spotted Juliet just sitting on the shore and eating her breakfast alone and she felt sorry for the woman since no one seemed to like her. At first Jack and Alice had wondered whether they should really trust her, too, but now they had that surety. They knew something the others didn't and it was better for everyone for things to just stay that way, at least for the time being.

"Good morning," Alice said when coming over to Juliet with a plate as well. She was going to eat her breakfast in the blonde's company.

"Good morning," Juliet answered, but she didn't reciprocate Alice's smile.

"They'll come around, you know," Alice tried to make the woman feel better and finally, a small smile appeared on her face.

"I'm used to being an outsider, to never belonging," Juliet confessed.

"I'm sorry. But I really hope things will change for you here. They're all good people. They're just very suspicious after everything that your people did to us."

"I never agreed with their ways," Juliet admitted, "but I didn't have a choice in the matter. My sister… she had cancer and was basically infertile. Thanks to me, her biggest dream came true. She has a baby now and is cancer free."

"Did Ben promise you all of that to keep you here?" Alice's interest was piqued.

"Yes and no. The pregnancy was thanks to my treatment. Ben promised to cure my sister from cancer when it seemed like both her and the baby would die."

"I am so, so sorry. But they're all right now, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are," Juliet answered with tears glistening in her eyes. "But I only saw them on camera. I wanted to go home. I want to go home so badly."

"We'll be free some day. I'm sure of it," Alice said and touched Juliet's hand to give her some support. Then she was surprised by her own words. _We'll be free_. Where did that even come from? "There's… there's something I need to ask you, Juliet," she finally decided to broach the subject. "I think… I think I may be pregnant and I would like to be sure. Could you maybe help me with that?"

What happened next, Alice just couldn't comprehend. Juliet visibly paled and then asked, clearly terrified, "Are you sure?"

"What?" Alice didn't understand the woman's reaction at all. "No, that's why I came to you. I would've asked Jack, but I don't really want to talk to him about it until I'm positive. It's a… let's just say it's a delicate matter with him."

Juliet didn't answer, she just kept on staring at the ocean.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked, panic rising inside of her as well, even though she didn't even know what she should be scared of.

"I came to this island to stop it," Juliet said.

"I still don't understand. To stop what exactly?" Alice prompted with a frown.

The blonde sighed and looked Alice straight in the eye. "Pregnant women on this island die," she said and Alice thought she stopped breathing there for a moment. "It happens at conception. That's why Claire is all right. That's why I was brought here. I managed to make my sister pregnant, so they thought I would be able to find a reason to their women dying. I never did. I developed a few serums, but they didn't work. A woman here is lucky if she survives till the middle of her second trimester."

Alice felt her throat going dry and her heart beating faster. She was scared now. Was she…? Did Juliet was just trying to tell her…?

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to be so blunt," Juliet quickly followed, but Alice seemed not to hear her.

"But… Sun is pregnant, too," she suddenly blurted out.

Juliet's focus only sharpened. "Take me to her, then," she asked Alice and their breakfast was suddenly abandoned. Alice lost her appetite for sure. She didn't know what to think or what to feel anymore. Was she really going to die? After everything she'd been through, was she just meant to die? She'd fought so hard to get her stability back, to conquer her own demons in order to live, to be with Jack, to survive. And now she found out she might've been so terribly wrong, after all.

"What are you going to do?" she asked Juliet when they were making their way to Sun's tent.

"First, we'll find out if you're really pregnant. Then we'll think what to do next," the blonde just answered.

* * *

For obvious reasons, Alice was the one who went to get Sun, though it was still hard to convince the Korean to come with her and Juliet, especially when Alice was simply impatient. She wanted to know if she was pregnant. She needed to finally be sure. She'd been feeling pretty weird those last few weeks and she deserved the answer.

On their way to the hatch Juliet claimed had a USG machine, Alice was just upset. She tried to imagine herself actually dying on the island. How would it happen? Would she bleed until there was no blood left in her veins? Would she get a seizure? Would she simply collapse? Would she be in so much pain that… She shook her head, forcing those images out of her mind. She couldn't be so negative about it all. Only then again, she'd slept with Jack way too many times and they'd been doing it pretty regularly. She would be surprised if she wasn't pregnant. She was probably carrying a baby inside of her and she wasn't sure she had enough strength to just tell Jack what would happen to her because of that. If he hadn't been ready to become a father before, now it would only get worse. He would never ever want to have kids and Alice didn't want that for him. She wanted him to have a family. Maybe the kind of a family she herself had once been a part of. She still remembered how much her parents loved each other, how much they cherished her and Annie. And then it all went to hell…

"We're here," Juliet informed, waking her up from her reverie.

Alice couldn't wait any longer so she asked if she could go first. Sun agreed, promising to stay on the other side of the exam room's door and suddenly, everything started happening too fast. Before Alice knew it, she was lying down and Juliet was exposing her stomach. The gel was smeared all over it and the machine was turned on and then Juliet was just looking at the monitor.

"Alice, you're not pregnant," she said a moment later.

There was silence, interrupted only by the hard beating of Alice's heart. At least it seemed to her that it was so loud. She seemed to be in shock as she'd been so sure she was pregnant.

"What?" she finally asked in a squeaky voice. "I don't… I don't understand… I was so sure…"

"Yes, but this is good news, isn't it?" Juliet asked, not really knowing how to react. "In these circumstances, it's the best news you can get."

"Well… yeah, but…" Alice stopped there for a moment. Jack wouldn't have to see her suffer and die. She wouldn't have to leave him. He wouldn't be broken because of it. They…

"You've been sleeping with Jack for a long time now, haven't you?" Juliet asked and Alice immediately felt uncomfortable. "It's all right. I'm just asking this as your doctor," the blonde quickly assured her.

"Yes," Alice answered her eventually. "I have been. So why am I not pregnant? Is there something wrong with me?"

"I don't have an answer for that, Alice. I'm sorry. We just don't have enough equipment here to conduct more tests."

"It's all right," Alice found herself saying and then she felt her body move and she was off the cot, just standing on the ground. She felt dizzy and shaky all over as though the news somehow upset her, but then she felt happy that she would live, provided what Juliet had told her about the pregnant women dying on the island was true. "I need a minute. I just… I'll bring Sun in," she said and was out of the room, then out of the hatch until she could breathe in the fresh and crisp air of the morning. It wasn't steamy and hot yet and she decided to just enjoy it and focus on the deep breathing.

* * *

When they came back to the camp, Alice realized that she might not be pregnant, but it didn't mean the threat was over. She had to change her whole lifestyle now, at least for as long as they were on the island and it might be indefinitely.

She tried to be discreet when she retreated to her and Jack's tent when making sure he was in their 'kitchen' on the beach. She thought he didn't notice her crying and disappearing there, but she was wrong. Not a minute passed by when somebody walked in and sat by her side.

"Alice, what's wrong?" she heard his gentle and caring voice with a hint a worry in it. She just cried harder and then his arms were around her and she couldn't help it, she craved him too much, she got used to being around him, to being with him that she naturally clang to his body.

"Tell me what's wrong, honey, please," he tried again when whispering into her ear and drawing circles with his fingers over her arm. "I love you and I want to help."

"I thought…" she finally started, but needed to stop for a second to catch her breath and calm herself down a bit. "I thought I was pregnant," she finally revealed and felt Jack's body tense immediately. Then he let go of her so he would be able to cup her face and look into her eyes.

"What?" he just asked.

"Don't worry. I'm not. Juliet confirmed it," Alice put his mind to rest right away.

"It's not what I…" he started and then just sighed, not finishing what he was going to say. "It doesn't matter now. What matters are your feelings, so tell me the rest. Did you want to get pregnant?"

"No. I mean… yes, one day, but I don't think I wanted it here, on this island," she confessed when looking at him. "And then Juliet told me what happens to the pregnant women on this island and I'm actually relieved I'm not… It's just… I think that subconsciously I wanted to have something… some _one_ … else to love but you. I don't have any family left, Jack and I'm sorry if you don't feel comfortable with me possibly being pregnant. I just…"

"Shush," he tried to calm her down by taking her into his arms again and stroking her hair. "Wait… what happens to the pregnant women on this island?" he asked like he just now realized she mentioned that.

So she explained. And met with a horrified gaze when he looked at her again.

"I'm so sorry for not being careful. I just… I didn't know."

"I know." He nodded, still being a little shocked. "I know. We had no way of knowing, but… it's a good thing that we're out of the woods for now. And…"

"I know. You don't even have to say anything. No sex till we're rescued. We can't risk it."

" _I_ can't risk it. Don't you understand, Alice?" He cupped her face and looked her in the eye so intensely that she stopped breathing. "I can't lose you. Not now. Not ever. I just won't. I love you too much."

She couldn't react any other way but by kissing him, even though they needed to stop before things got too heated up.

"Are we ever going to get out of this island?" she asked when breaking the kiss and resting her forehead against his own.

She never met with any answer, but he didn't have to say anything anyway. They both knew the truth. Their chances were slim. They'd been slim in the day of the crash when they'd gotten off course and it'd only gotten worse since then…

* * *

Alice had been in a pretty somber mood recently. Everything had changed since the moment Juliet told her what happened to pregnant women on the island. It was like something shifted in her brain, like a curtain that she'd put there before to obscure the truth was now pushed back, revealing the hidden picture. She'd actually made herself believe that she could have a life here. That she could stay on the island with Jack among their small community and just live. How wrong was she. The island would never be home and she would never have a chance to create anything on it. It was hell on earth even with its miracles. No miracle happened to her or to Sun. Locke might've started walking again and the island might've healed Jin's infertility problem, but for some reason it caused mothers and their unborn babies to die. It wasn't a place Alice wanted to stay in and she just felt hopeless and unhappy. She truly didn't know for how long she would be able to take it. She desperately started craving a normal life among civilization. She wanted to come back home. She wanted to come back to her bookshop. She wanted to start over in a real world. Only there was no starting over without them getting out and that chance died with the submarine being blown into pieces. Her bookshop had probably been already sold out on some auction and made into something else. She had no life anywhere. She was just stuck in this endless stagnation and she was sick of it.

Jack was trying to be supportive and he kept showing her how much he cared about her happiness, but he had an entire group of survivors to convince that he and Alice (who didn't bother anymore) hadn't crossed over to the dark side and that Juliet could be trusted. Still, even though he kept busy, Alice could see something slowly breaking inside of him, too. He'd almost become a father and lost both the baby and her before she would even give birth. He didn't know where they were going in this relationship anymore and what he should do to help them all escape the island. Without a boat or a submarine they had no chance and they all knew it. They'd tried building a raft once before and what happened? The others had made sure they could never leave. They couldn't possibly risk this again. They couldn't risk splitting up again and being left vulnerable.

A few days later, close to dawn, Alice was shook awake from her sleep. She frowned and groaned and then she finally opened her eyes and saw Sawyer there.

"What the hell…?" she asked in surprise when glancing at the other side of the tent where Jack slept. She wouldn't even comment on the fact that he seemed to be further and further away from her every night even though she suggested some alternative ways of consummating their relationship. Still, thanks to him not being so close, he didn't wake up now.

"Come with me. Quietly," Sawyer whispered and gestured for her to get up.

She didn't understand any of this, but she was kind of intrigued. She'd spent the last few days in constant stagnation and boredom so she could as well see what he wanted from her.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked when James led her into the jungle.

"You'll see. He told me to get you and I still ain't sure if we should go with him."

"With whom?" Alice asked another question, but then Sawyer didn't have to answer because she came face to face with John Locke. And she reacted the only way she seemed to be able to and slapped him hard across the face. "That's for blowing up the sub!" she hissed at him angrily. "Now, what the fuck do you want from us?!"

"Right there with the lady," James said with a satisfying smirk on his face and he folded his arms on his chest, waiting for Locke to explain. "You said something about capturing Ben and taking me to the guy. Why me?"

"Because it has to be you, James. You won't understand until you see it," John said in a calm voice and Alice wished that she could just break that stoic attitude of his. She just hit him and he acted like nothing happened!

"That ain't making any sense!" Sawyer protested.

"Don't you want closure, James?" Locke asked again. "I know about the man you killed in Sydney. They know everything about us."

Sawyer's expression changed and then he looked at Alice who was already looking back at him.

"And you, Alice," John continued when turning to her, "don't you want to know why exactly you've been having all those strange feelings?"

She frowned on hearing that. "What? How do you know about that? And I'm not pregnant, so…"

"Of course you're not," Locke just said and that shocked her even more. "Did you really think you were?" he prompted and she felt the need to actually hit him again. But then Sawyer's hand was on her arm, stopping her. She must've lunged at Locke without realizing it.

"Take it easy. Don't give him the satisfaction," James advised.

"You can either come with me and get all the answers you need or stay and never find out. The choice is yours," Locke said and turned around, walking away.

"Is he serious?" James asked.

"Damn it!" Alice cursed and having no choice, she followed Locke into the jungle.

* * *

Locke led them straight to the Black Rock, the very ship Rousseau had taken Jack, Kate and a few others to when they'd needed dynamite. Alice recognized this place from Jack's description and she kept on wondering what the hell they were doing there now.

She got her answer when they went inside, Locke opened a door for Sawyer and then locked him behind it.

"What the hell are you playing?!" Alice asked the older man angrily. "Let him out!"

"Not until he gets his closure," John answered calmly.

"What are you even talking about? What closure?!" she wanted to know.

"Who's that man?! Locke! Locke! Open up! Locke, let me out!" James was by now pounding on the door and Alice made a step forward, wanting to help him, but John stopped her.

"Do you want to find your answers, too?" he just asked her and she gave up. It wouldn't hurt to hear him out. After all, it was what she came here for. And she could let Sawyer out later a he wasn't being hurt in any way.

"Then talk," she just said in a belligerent tone, folding her arms on her chest just like Sawyer had done back in the jungle.

"You have all those feelings, Alice, because you're special," Locke told her when sitting down on a barrel right next to the closed door.

She was tired of asking him what the hell he meant by that, so she just stopped saying anything and settled for listening. He would have to explain at some point, wouldn't he?

"You had a twin sister, didn't you?" John asked and she frowned.

"How do you know that?" she just had to ask that question.

"You see, twins are unusually special. Their perception is stronger, more complex. Did you ever feel your sister's pain when she hurt herself?"

Alice left that question without an answer.

"Did you ever just know deep down inside that your sister was in trouble?"

She remained silent.

"Once your sister died, that connection was severed. It was lost, but it stayed open, free of the other end. It's just now opened up to a new reality, new perceptions. Believe it or not, it happened right here on this island. You can pick up feelings, premonitions of things that are about to happen. It's a gift, Alice and one day it may even help you save the life of the person you love."

For a moment there, she just stood still, thinking over those words, trying to make sense of them and trying to decide whether Locke was just crazy. It was true that she felt awful when she'd been about to see the bodies of Anna Lucia and Libby. She'd felt it again when Sawyer was about to come for her and then it only got worse before the submarine was going to explode. And she did remember the strange look Locke had shot her then.

"How do you know all of this?" she asked. "How can you be so sure it's true?"

"From Richard," John informed. "He wanted me to tell you this."

"And who's Richard?"

"He's always been on this island. He answers to Jacob."

Alice had the urge to just roll her eyes. "So let me ask who the hell is Jacob," she rephrased, getting impatient.

"He's the man behind the curtain, Alice. The one who watches over this island."

"Yeah, right," she just snorted.

"Believe it or not, but my job here is done. And I know you know that I'm telling you the truth about your premonitions."

"Whatever you say, John," she told him and then realized that she could hear no more screams coming from behind the closed door. She was already making her way to open it when she heard Sawyer roar and then…

All she could do was to stand frozen in the middle of this dark room, her eyes widely opened as she listened to what sounded like Sawyer killing the man who was in the room with him.

"Oh, I see James has finally got his closure," John spoke cheerfully and Alice looked at him incredulously.

"Are you even serious?" she hissed.

"Of course I am. I just gave Sawyer what he needed. The man in that room was his nightmare, he destroyed his whole life."

"Wait… do you mean…?" Alice started, actually knowing what John was talking about, but still, she had trouble believing it. How would the real Sawyer even get to this island? It was impossible.

Only then Locke opened the door and James walked out of there, his gaze absent somehow, his body shaking. He was clearly in shock, not realizing what happened just yet. He seemed so lost and so broken that despite the fact that Alice didn't agree with both Locke's and James's methods, she reached out to him and put her arms around him, hugging him, giving him support, showing him that she was there for him.

* * *

They didn't talk much on their way back to the beach camp. Locke had left them some time ago, coming back to the others, so they were on their own. Alice was holding James's hand almost the whole way back since she didn't know what to say or what else to do to take at least some of his burden. She knew he thought he'd feel relieved, but in fact revenge never brought one the satisfaction they expected. And in most cases, it only brought more pain by opening old wounds.

"Locke used you," she finally said, "and you lost control." She didn't know whom she wanted to convince that James was still a good person. Herself? Him? Maybe no one. Maybe she just needed to hear herself say it.

"I gave him my letter…" James finally spoke in a hoarse voice. "I told him to read it and he… he tore it apart… that was when I lost it. It was… like… like he didn't even care. And take that… he was actually Locke's father. And he threw Locke out the window on an eight floor."

Alice froze on hearing that. She realized that after a few more steps they would find themselves back on the beach, so she stopped and hugged Sawyer strongly. Then they parted.

The moment she came into view, she heard Jack calling her and then he was running towards her.

"Where were you?!" he asked angrily and she just stood still, looking at him in surprise.

"Excuse me?" she asked, her tone already getting defensive.

Jack realized what he'd done and he took a deep breath when closing his eyes.

"If you suspect I'm having an affair with Sawyer or something, you couldn't be more wrong," Alice said, thinking Jack was mad at her for disappearing when it was still dark and coming back alongside James.

"What?" Jack asked, completely taken off track and then he actually laughed. "I know you're not having an affair. I know you and I trust you completely, Alice."

"Well, then if you're done laughing about it, maybe you could tell me what has you so rattled?"

"There might be other people on this island," he informed her when putting his arm around her and leading her to their tent.

"You mean other than… the others?" she asked, seeing how ridiculously that sounded.

Once they were in their tent, Jack explained to her how Desmond, Charlie, Jin and Hurley had seen a woman parachuting onto the island and rescued her, not even telling him about it since they didn't trust him anymore. It was Kate who came to Jack to tell him everything while Alice was away.

"And take that," Jack said and his eyes actually glowed with excitement, "this woman has a radio and there's a boat a few miles off shore. We just need to find a way to contact it."

"Are you serious?!" Alice finally showed some enthusiasm after days of feeling numb. "Do you really think that this time we can make it? That we can make it off this island?"

"Yes, I really do. And I will do anything in my power for this to work."

She was so happy that she cupped his face and kissed him.

"Now, tell me what had you so upset when you came out of the jungle. Where were you?" Jack asked.

"It's not important right now, Jack." Alice dismissed everything she found out. "The boat…"

"If it's important to you, it's important to me. Tell me," he encouraged.

She knew that relaying what happened with Sawyer and the real Sawyer was not her story to tell, but she did reveal everything she heard from Locke about herself.

"And you believe him?" Jack made sure, a slight frown forming between his eyebrows.

"I don't know what to believe, Jack, but there seems to be some truth to it. It never felt entirely like a pregnancy, but I had nothing else to compare it to since it didn't exactly feel like normal fear or concern either."

"Don't you worry about it. Soon enough we'll get the hell out of this island and we won't have to be bothered by some strange guy named Jacob. All right?"

"All right." Alice nodded with a smile and then kissed Jack again.

"I think it's time to tell the rest that Juliet is a double spy, though," he suggested.

"Yeah, you're right."


	14. Chapter 14

_Naomi said they found our plane and back home we're all believed to be dead_ , Alice was just thinking about the new information Jack had given her the day before. She kept on wondering why she hadn't reacted any other way but by saying that it didn't really matter. It didn't matter for her because there was no one out there, no one back home crying for her, grieving for her. She did feel sorry for Jack, though, since his mother thought she'd lost both her son and husband. Only when it came to Alice, it really didn't matter. She kind of wondered what had happened to her bookshop, but she didn't worry about it. She'd been through enough pain in her life to learn that there was no point in worrying about things one had no control over. People were what mattered. Still, there was one thing that fascinated her. What was the plane that had been discovered? Who were the dead people in it? If they weren't them, then who? How someone could have made such a tragic mistake? It seemed impossible, incomprehensible. There was only one plausible explanation and it raised goose bumps on Alice's arms – somebody simply didn't want them to be found.

She didn't even have the time to think about it more as everything seemed to happen so fast. Everything usually did. You were living in stagnation, just counting days and then suddenly, things moved on and you couldn't comprehend how fast the time flew. It was happening now when Juliet, as a double spy, informed the survivors that the others were coming for the pregnant women and then Alex's boyfriend, Karl, arrived telling them that they were coming not the next day, but tonight.

Alice felt lost in the commotion, not really knowing what to do, how to help or how to contribute to helping her people. She just helplessly watched Jack dictating the rest things to do. He and Danielle brought dynamite to the camp to set a trap for the others.

"We can't run anymore," he was just saying to the crowd. "This time we can fight and we have a huge chance of winning because we have the advantage of knowing when and how they'll come. Juliet will mark the tents of the supposedly pregnant women, but instead of our people, there'll be dynamite inside. Dynamite which we'll blow up from the distance, killing the enemy on the spot!"

Everyone nodded in agreement, thinking the plan a very good one. Alice secretly hated the bloodshed that would soon occur, but she also understood that the enemy was ruthless and never hesitated to kill. She would've been long dead if it hadn't been for Jack, so she had to agree that the attack was the best solution.

The next step was to unblock the frequency Juliet informed Ben jammed. It was then when she revealed the existence of the underwater station called The Looking Glass. Once Charlie volunteered, Alice was hit with that strange premonition of hers and she wondered if she should try to stop him. Only then she saw him arguing with both Claire and Desmond who were clearly trying to do the very same thing to no avail. She retreated, feeling that she wasn't needed.

In the end, only three men stayed behind – when not counting Desmond and Charlie who were going to the underwater station – and Alice's job was to simply pack all the most necessary things and set off towards the radio tower with the rest.

Once her group was already taken care of, Alice walked aside and sat down on the sand, taking as much rest as she could before going. She watched Jack from the distance. He was still giving commands, telling people what to do and what to take with them. At the moment he felt awfully distant and somehow unreachable. It was then that Kate joined her.

"He just wants to get you out of here, you know," she said as though she knew what Alice was thinking about and was trying to make her feel better.

"I know," Alice answered with a nod. "It's just… I wanted to come back, to get out of this island, but now… it's happening so fast… and I feel like I'm losing him. I can't even explain it. It doesn't make any sense. Jack loves me. He said it many times and he's planning our future together once we get out." It was a weird, nearly scary feeling, but in the same time Alice knew she shouldn't really be worried. Damn Locke and what he told her, she thought because she actually started to believe him! She knew that her current fears were completely irrational, she was just scared of the future because suddenly it all became real as it was truly going to happen. Maybe she should just let the fear go and let herself be happy.

"He really does love you. It's so clear on his face every time he looks at you," Kate agreed with a smile and Alice finally reciprocated it. "And once we're out, we can start new lives."

"Yes, we can."

Eventually, Kate left, joining Sawyer and finally, Alice saw Jack heading her way. When he was right by her side, he lent her a hand to help her up.

"Ready?" he asked. "What's wrong?" followed immediately after.

"Nothing," she answered, not wanting to bother him with unimportant things. "Everything's fine."

"I love you, you know that, right? All I do, I do for you."

She nodded, smiling to him and try to force back the tears. It still surprised her sometimes that someone could care about her this much. Then he leaned towards her and kissed her gently on the lips.

"It'll all be over soon and we'll finally get the chance to start our lives together."

"I can't wait."

Next, Jack made sure everyone was ready to go and after taking Alice's hand, he led the way.

Something bad would happen, though, Alice could feel it and at this point she really hated her 'gift' as Locke referred to it. The feeling – she still refused to think of it as a premonition – wasn't so strong this time, so she was pretty sure she didn't have to be worried about Jack.

Once they actually heard more shots than expected coming from the beach, she again was assured that she wasn't imagining it and that it wasn't accidental. She really could tell if something was going to happen, but clearly, she never knew what it would be and therefore, most of the times she wasn't able to do anything about it. Yes, she decided, it was definitely a curse.

When sometime later the signal from Naomi's satellite phone was still blocked, that feeling hit Alice even stronger, but somehow she could deduct that it didn't concern anyone near her.

"Something's terribly wrong," she told Jack.

"Well, we all know that, sweetie," Sawyer spoke. He and Kate must've heard Alice's hushed voice because they were right behind her and Jack.

"No, trust me, something is wrong," she repeated and the couple frowned, looking at Jack.

"If she says there's a problem, there is a problem," the doctor just said.

"But…" James started again.

"I really don't have the time to explain," Alice interrupted, pretty agitated by now. "Jack, they need our help. We need to send some people back to the beach."

"No," he denied without even thinking about it. "Alice, I hear you, I do, but I can't just endanger more of our people."

"I'll go," Kate volunteered. "I can handle it."

"Like hell you're going!" Sawyer got mad.

"No one tells me what to do!" she answered him back.

Jack looked nervously to the rest of his people, worried that they might've heard enough by now to figure something out.

"Just do what you want, the both of you," he finally said. "And stop talking."

"If you're so stubborn, you ain't goin alone!" Sawyer called after already retreating Kate and caught up with her.

* * *

After about twenty minutes, it happened again and this time it came as a sharp pang from the inside of her stomach. Alice reached her hand sideway to stop Jack.

"What…?" he barely started when they all came to a stop on seeing Benjamin Linus and Alex coming towards them.

Once Ben actually asked to talk to Jack in private, Alice wasn't able to calm down. She was sick of all those foreign sensations and wished they'd just ended. The only comfort she had right now was that nothing wacky occurred again, so she figured Jack was safe.

…but she started worrying all over again when she saw him coming back with Ben covered in blood. Alice could also see that blood on Jack's hands and she guessed that he'd beaten the guy up. But why? What happened?

"He's coming with us," Jack just said when bounding Ben's wrists with a piece of rope.

At that point Alice walked over to him and asked, "Jack, what's wrong?" She knew something bad happened and she didn't need any 'magical powers' to see that. Jack seemed shaken and she could tell that he was doing his best not to break and to be strong in front of his already scared people.

He didn't answer her, maybe he was afraid his voice would waver, she wasn't sure, but he did go aside and once she followed him there, too, she could hear him taking deep breaths and trying to calm himself down.

"Jack? Please, just tell me," she encouraged one more time, almost sure that he would yield since there was no one eavesdropping.

"He killed them," she heard the words coming from Jack's mouth and felt her blood freeze over. "All free of them. Sayid. Bernard. Jin. And I let it happen. I had to let it happen. But you can't tell Sun or Rose. Not now." His voice finally broke and she saw tears glistening in his eyes. She was in shock at hearing the news and she really wanted to take some of his pain and guilt away, but it just didn't work this way. She did all she could in this situation and that was to put her arms around him and be there for him, stay like this long enough for him to calm down and be able to come back to the rest.

They resumed their walk again, but the atmosphere was much heavier than before. Maybe it was because of Ben's presence or maybe because everyone could tell that something bad had happened, something Jack was hiding from them until they were ready to learn the dreadful truth.

It happened near the tower. The walkie-talkie Jack had taken from Ben suddenly came live and they heard Hurley's voice.

"Hurley?" Jack answered, surprised to hear him. "Where are you?"

Everyone seemed to automatically look around and notice that Hugo, just like Sawyer and Kate, was gone. Only no one had really remembered him disappearing. Still, it was hard to since he was always the last one, never fast enough to catch up.

"Jack?! I'm on the beach, man! I saved everyone! We're all safe and the others are all dead!" Hurley responded in a cheerful tone.

"Wait… what?" Jack asked again, not believing him. "What do you mean you saved everyone? Are… are Bernard, Sayid and Jin with you?"

"Sure, man! We're all here! I told ya, I saved them all!"

Alice and Jack exchanged surprised but happy looks and then Jack couldn't resist but look at Ben with triumph in his eyes, letting him know that he lost.

Next, the light on Naomi's telephone turned from red to green, meaning Charlie had succeeded and they could now communicate with the boat waiting a few miles off coast. They quickly reached the tower station and Rousseau turned off her eighteen years old transmission.

Alice remembered with slight nostalgia the first moment she'd actually heard the French woman talking. She remembered how cold and terrified she'd felt once Shannon had started translating, informing them that 'they're all dead' and how Sayid figured out how long this message had been travelling through the ether. She felt sad about Shannon being gone, about her brother dying as well. The island, no matter how magnificent it was with its fast healing process and miracles – wasn't a happy place, after all. Then again, if it could heal so perfectly, if Locke could walk, if Rose didn't have cancer anymore and if Jin and Sun conceived a baby, why Alice just couldn't get pregnant herself? Not that she complained much about it after she heard the brutal truth from Juliet, but she was still wondering.

Naomi was just calling the boat when Alice was hit with sudden dizziness. Jack already noticed that something was wrong by the sudden change on her face, but unfortunately before any of them managed to even open their mouth, there was a knife sticking out from Naomi's back and the phone flew away from her hand, her body following when crashing to the ground. An even bigger shock was that the man who was standing behind this brutal murder was John Locke.

"What have you done?!" Jack screamed, his anger coming back.

"We can't contact those people, Jack. They're not here to save us and we'll be better off," the older man just said.

"Not here to save us?!" Jack screamed. "Locke, do you really want to spend your whole life here?!"

"And what do you have out there that's so urgent to come back to, Jack?" Locke retorted.

Jack wouldn't even bother answering. It was no one's business and especially not John Locke's.

"Is it the hospital? Do you so desperately need someone else to fix?"

"He's right! We can't make the call!" Ben joined, but Rousseau quickly took care of him by knocking him out. And all of that in front of her biological daughter, Alice thought, but didn't waste time to ponder over that issue.

"And you, Alice," suddenly John tuned to her, "if you leave, you won't be able to practice your ability."

"That's totally fine with me," she answered him when folding her arms on her chest.

"Don't talk to her!" Jack yelled and picked up the phone.

"Jack, I can't let you make that call," Locke warned him and then pointed his gun at the doctor.

Alice screamed Jack's name, not really knowing what to do. Was Locke bluffing? Was he really going to kill him?

"John, please, we're not your enemies," Alice tried to speak to John's reason whereas everyone else was just standing still, terrified. There was a new born baby among them, a fresh mother and a pregnant woman, Alice thought. And if only Locke missed… What happened to him? She wondered. He seemed changed somehow.

"I'll shoot, I swear," John ignored Alice and was only talking to Jack now. "I will. Drop the phone."

"You're not going to shoot me, John and we both know it," Jack just said as though he wasn't worried at all. To Alice's astonishment, his hand didn't even waver.

"Jack," she warned him, not ready to risk it.

"What do you feel?" he just asked her.

"What?" she frowned.

"Do you sense anything?" he rephrased and she finally realized what he meant.

"No," she said with confidence that surprised her. She really didn't.

"Good." Jack nodded and made the call.

Alice waited a few torturously long seconds and then finally, John lowered the gun.

"You're going to regret this, Jack," Locke warned them one last time before he disappeared in the jungle.

The next thing they knew, the time seemed to stop flowing altogether when somebody on the other side actually answered the phone and Jack started talking to him, soon following with, "My name is Jack Shephard. Are you on a boat? On a freighter?"

"How did you get this channel?" the man on the other side wanted to know.

"Naomi."

"Who are you again?"

"I'm one of the survivors of flight Oceanic 815. Can you get our location?"

"Hell, yeah, we can! Sit tight!"

The call was ended and the air still seemed to be electrified by everyone's excitement and disbelief. Alice met Jack's eyes and they were so happy and so relieved. He finally managed to do what he'd wanted to ever since their first day on the island – get everyone home. Alice just jumped to him, cupped his face and kissed him deeply. She needed to share her happiness with him. She just needed to touch him and to make sure it was all happening for real.

* * *

Their job was done and it was safe to come back to the beach, so they didn't waste any time. They ventured off into the jungle right away. Besides, there were three women among them who desperately wanted to be reunited with their men.

"He was right about you, didn't he?" Jack asked Alice.

"About those…" she hesitated, "premonitions? Yeah, I'm afraid he was."

"It's all right," Jack comforted her when taking her hand. "It doesn't change anything. You're still the same woman I fell in love with."

She smiled to him, although that smile didn't exactly reach her eyes. "I'm just afraid, you know," she confessed. "Sometimes I'm just afraid of myself and of what I can do. It wasn't so intense a few weeks ago and it feels like whatever those powers are, they're growing."

"So it's a good thing that we're getting the hell out of this island," Jack said. "If we believe Locke again. If we believe that this ability will fade once we get out."

"Yeah," she agreed and then she came to a stop, because the man in question was waiting for them.

Alice couldn't even react fast enough when Jack reached to the guy and tackled him to the ground.

"Jack!" she just yelled his name and then lost the ability to breathe for a moment when he pointed a gun at John.

"Why d'you come back?!" Jack asked. "Why?!"

"We can't trust those people! They're coming, but we can still hide! I have a plan," John tried to convince him.

Jack just nodded and got up, looking aside before he shifted his eyes back to Locke. He pulled a gun and aimed.

"You're not going to shoot me, Jack," John said with confidence and Alice thought that was exactly his mistake. "You won't shoot me just like I couldn't shoot you."

They all heard the empty click of the trigger Jack just pulled. What saved Locke was that he was out of bullets. Alice was kind of shocked and she could tell that Locke was, too. No one anticipated this and she could only be glad that the gun was empty. She wasn't sure Jack would be all right if he killed John. Now he was furious with the man, but later on Alice knew he would regret it. He would regret taking a life of an unarmed man while being the one who was supposed to be saving lives.

"Are you finished?" Locke asked calmly when getting up and turning to the rest. He sold them a speech of how they really should go with him and how the people who were coming couldn't be trusted because the island, through Walt, told him that.

Alice still couldn't get over the shock that Jack tried to kill someone and now she felt like she was listening to a madman talking. Walt? Walt was probably safe back home. She kind of started wondering what he and his father thought of their plane apparently found at the bottom of the ocean, though.

The next thing they knew, people started dividing. Hugo said that Charlie had died trying to get them all saved, but then something changed his mind and the last thing he did was to warn them that those people couldn't be trusted. Alice got that, she really did, but she also knew that getting out of the island was the only way for her and Jack to ever be truly happy and fulfilled with their lives. That was why she refused to go with Locke. The second reason was exactly what Rose told Bernard when he suggested they'd go. Locke killed Naomi for nothing. He couldn't be sure whether she was a threat since he never met her. That thought also kind of calmed Alice's fears about Jack pulling the trigger. With the right incentive, every one of them was capable of murder. Sawyer had done it and Kate, too. And Kate was actually a good person and proved it to the rest countless times. The brunette had actually come back with Sawyer to the other's camp to save both Alice and Jack and she didn't have to do it. Added to that, Jack had really thought three of his people were dead and then he'd witnessed Naomi's death, too. A death that had no sense whatsoever. That was why Alice decided not to judge and to just let it go even if it was still nagging at her. She understood that James could've lost control when the real Sawyer tore his letter apart, but Jack… No, she would just have to let it go and never think about it again or else she'd go crazy and destroy what she and Jack had worked so hard to built between them.

Her thoughts were interrupted anyway when she saw Sawyer coming over to Locke's side and Kate following.

"James?" Alice asked in surprise. "Kate?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm with the Rambo here," Sawyer said. "I really hope you'll get everything you want from life, sweetheart." There was just something in his eyes. Something nameless that she couldn't quite understand. Why would he do this? She kept questioning his behavior. Was it for Kate who was wanted back in America and her return would probably land her in prison for life? Was Sawyer any different when murdering that guy back in Australia? Alice wondered why murder, death and suffering kept on surrounding them. Why couldn't they just let it all go and live in peace? Well, apparently it was a foolish wish. The world they were living in simply was that way and the island was apparently no exception to that rule.

"I hope you'll get everything you want from life, too," she finally said in a muffled voice and went over to Sawyer to give him a hug. "I'll miss you, James," she whispered into his ear, her lips nearly touching the skin there. She didn't want to let him go, she realized when her hold on him tightened and he didn't seem to either. Only she had to. He was entitled to his own choice just like she was and she couldn't live in this place any longer.

"I'll miss you, too, sweetheart," he whispered and she felt him placing a soft kiss to her cheek. She pulled away, avoiding looking into his eyes so this wouldn't be even harder and then she hugged Kate.

Once Locke left with his group, Alice just felt empty.

"Let's go," Jack said in a strange tone when placing his hand on her shoulder from behind and she just nodded, swallowing tears and covering his hands with hers. She so didn't have the mind to ask him what was wrong.

"Let's go," she agreed, lacking enthusiasm.

* * *

The group that stayed with Jack, came back to the beach, but he and Alice decided to linger a little bit, waiting for the other team to come by the cockpit of their crashed plane.

"Are you cold?" Jack asked, automatically putting his arm around her to warm her up since she was shaking.

"I'll be fine," she said, but was soon betrayed by a sneeze. Jack only smiled to her and rubbed her arms a bit.

"We can go back to the beach. After all, we don't want you to get sick."

"Yeah, sure, I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to my health on this island, so why not getting a cold?" she asked sarcastically. There was some truth to what she said. She still wondered why Sun had gotten pregnant by her previously infertile husband and she hadn't by Jack.

He was already opening his mouth to ask for an explanation when they heard something and stilled.

"It's a helicopter!" Alice exclaimed and then they both saw the flash of light in the night sky, indicating that someone must've jumped with a parachute.

Indeed, they soon found the man who was just untangling himself from all the ties and lines.

"Are you Jack?" he asked once he saw them and they both exchanged looks. "I'm Daniel Faraday. I believe I'm here to rescue you," he followed and was finally able to shake their hands.

Maybe they would be home soon, Alice thought.

* * *

After only a few minutes spent in the company of Faraday, both Jack and Alice were skeptical about the man and the intentions of the team that came down with him. According to him, there were other people out there, scattered in the jungle because of the chopper that went down. Jack noticed the gun in the back of Daniel's pants and then the physicist – since that was his occupation – kept avoiding all the important answers, pretending that he was focused on finding his friends and couldn't say anything at the moment. Alice and Jack both pushed until he admitted that saving them wasn't their _primary subjective_ , whatever he meant by that.

As they followed Faraday into the jungle, tracking some guy named Miles via GPS, Jack looked at Alice questioningly and she realized what he wanted to know. She shook her head. No, she didn't feel any _weird vibrations,_ so they appeared to be safe for now.

Until they found Miles and he immediately pointed a gun at them, that was.

"Hey! Hey! Miles! They're cool!" Faraday called out to him.

"They killed Naomi! She's dead, man!"

"Whoa! We didn't kill anyone!" Jack tried to convince the man with his hands raised high up in the air.

"He's not going to shoot us, Jack," Alice told him, pretty sure of that and Miles shifted his eyes to her.

"How can you know?" he asked.

"We didn't kill her so you have no reason to kill us," Alice just said calmly.

"All I know is that she's dead and you're the only people who could've done it!"

"All right, all right," Jack gave up. "She is dead, I admit, but neither I, nor my girlfriend here killed her. It was a man named John Locke. He is not with us and I am truly sorry for what happened. We never wanted to hurt anyone."

"Then take me to her," Miles demanded.

"What?" Jack didn't seem to get him. "She's dead. She can't tell you anything."

"I know she's dead. Take me to her and I'll find out who killed her."

Alice and Jack exchanged looks, not understanding a thing, but in the end they had no choice but do what Miles asked them to.

Getting back home wouldn't be as easy as Alice thought, after all.

* * *

Miles clearly had a gift, Alice realized when after taking a look at Naomi's body, he assured Faraday that they were right - they didn't kill the woman.

Alice was already opening her mouth, wanting to ask the man how he knew that and if he had a certain gift himself, but Jack stopped her just in time, shaking his head. She didn't know why he did that, but then they heard a gunshot and she had other things on her mind.

Luckily for them, Sayid and Juliet came out of the jungle. They kept an eye on both the strangers, but it only caused their relations to grow even more strained because of the gun Sayid was still holding. Alice knew they were trying to protect themselves and not kill anyone else, but still, conflict complicated things a lot.

"Why did you stop me back then?" she asked Jack when they kept on following the GPS signal. "I just wanted to ask him how he knew."

"I know and that's why I did what I did. Alice, you can't trust those people," he warned her. "Not after everything that happened ever since they arrived here. And you need to be careful what you say in front of them, too. This thing… we don't know why you have those feelings, we don't know what they mean and how it happened. We can't entirely trust Locke with them either. Let's just wait and see, ok?"

"Ok," she agreed, biting on her lip and realizing that Jack was actually afraid that she would be used or explored once her secret came out.

Daniel noticed them talking privately and came closer, not to listen but to chat some more with them. He definitely seemed nicer and more talkative than Miles who didn't even want to divulge his last name. Jack thought he could use that feature of Daniel to his advantage.

"So, how long have you two been together?" Faraday just asked idly, but Jack looked at him with warning in his eyes. "What? It's so obvious! And I'm just trying to carry a conversation here!"

"Just shut up, man!" Miles told him once again, clearly tired of scolding him.

At that moment, Vincent came running towards them, carrying Charlotte's GPS collar on his neck – at least Daniel and Miles thought it belonged to their woman friend.

"Damn it," Sayid cursed and Jack only nodded.

"Locke must've gotten to her," the doctor agreed.

"The guy who shot Naomi?!" Faraday got angry. "We have to save her! We need to save Charlotte!"

"Calm down, man!" Miles told him. "She's prepared for anything and she's prepared much better than Naomi was. We need to find Frank now."

"Frank, the pilot?" Alice made sure, but met with no answer until they actually came across the guy. He was much older than the rest of his team, but seemed to be all right, if a little disoriented.

"So, where did you crash the helicopter?" Daniel asked and Frank looked at him as though the younger man deeply insulted him.

"What kind of a pilot do you think I am?! I didn't crash it! I landed it! It's right there in the valley!"

Jack and Alice nearly couldn't believe their luck as they ran over there, followed by Sayid, Juliet and the rest.

Frank was right, the helicopter was there and it seemed to be intact.

"It requires minor mechanical work, but besides that, we're all good to go. We don't have much fuel left, but we should be fine if we don't carry much load," Frank informed proudly.

While Sayid was looking at the damage, Juliet took care of the cut above Frank's eye and soon enough he figured out that she hadn't been a passenger on the Oceanic 815.

"You're native!" he exclaimed. "I'm telling you! I know the passenger list back and forth and there wasn't any Juliet Burke on it!"

"Hey, easy there," Jack immediately walked over to them. "She's all right. You have nothing to be afraid of."

"So, she _is_ a native?" Frank made sure.

"She is?!" Miles came closer. "You wanna know why we're here?!" he finally turned to Jack, ready to answer the question both he and Alice had been asking for the last ten minutes, but to no avail. "We're here for Benjamin Linus! Now, where is he?!" he turned back to Juliet, expecting an answer.

Ok, Alice thought, she did not see that one coming. Then again, it made sense. At least now they knew why Ben was so desperate to keep those people from coming to the island. They weren't a threat to the survivors of 815, they were a threat to him! And quite frankly, she couldn't care less after everything that man had done to her and all her friends.

* * *

 **AN:** Now, here's when you make a choice. The first version of this story ended with Jalice and the second is Sawyer/Alice. If you like to see her end up with James or are simply curious, read on. If not, then jump to chapter 27.


	15. Chapter 15 sawyer

The newcomers eventually agreed to take some of the survivors to their boat, but first they wanted Charlotte – the woman Locke apparently had – back. Sayid and Miles volunteered to go, but the Iraqi came back with Charlotte alone. His ploy worked since Locke wouldn't just release one of his prisoners, but he kindly agreed to trading Charlotte for Miles. Sayid next volunteered to take a trip to the boat (he told Jack and Alice on the side that he would make sure those people didn't have hostile intentions) and then he flew away with Desmond and the pilot.

With nothing better to do, Jack, Alice and the rest came back to the beach camp. Seeing two entirely new faces was novelty to the survivors, so Daniel and Charlotte were in the centre of attention while the couple could only wait until they heard back from Sayid or Desmond.

…which they did a whole day late since, as Faraday explained, the time perception was slightly different on the island and off the island. Once the men finally called from the boat, the survivors found out that Desmond got somehow _lost in time_. Daniel was the only one who knew what to do and he seemed to be the craziest, too, Alice decided. He explained how Desmond should find him in the past and then find his constant whom apparently was the Scottish's girlfriend, Penelope. In the end, they decided that Daniel was the most trustworthy person of all the newcomers. Still, he was off somehow as though something terrible had happened to him. At least Alice thought so. She didn't want to ask any details, but she was pretty sure the guy's story wasn't entirely happy, if all.

* * *

The day after, Alice noticed Jack's absence. He wasn't in their tent when she woke up and then she couldn't find him anywhere on the beach. What seemed more disturbing to her was that she also couldn't spot Daniel and Charlotte. Could she be wrong about them? She started wondering. But no, she didn't think so. She might still be overwhelmed with that gift of hers, but she'd actually grown to trust it like she trusted her guts. Maybe pretending it was just her guts warning her about the danger was an easier way to accept it?

Eventually, it was Sun who informed Alice that Jack and Juliet had gone after the newbies once they'd noticed them gone. Naturally, Alice started to worry and she imagined about a thousand different scenarios in which Jack got hurt or died just before they managed to get out of the island. She almost went after him herself even though she had no tracking skills. It was Sun who calmed her down, telling her that Jack could take care of himself.

Well, of course he could, Alice thought, going to the kitchen to eat some breakfast. Besides, she didn't feel like anything bad was going to happen, so she should calm herself down. Then another thought struck her. Maybe she'd been glued to Jack a little bit too much ever since they'd been reunited in the others' village. Maybe it was high time she should loosen up a bit. If she went on like this, then what could happen once they actually came back home? She would be the clingy girlfriend and she should know better than that. In the real world they wouldn't have so much time at their hands. In the real world he would go to work and she would, too. They wouldn't be inseparable and maybe it would actually be healthier for them. She knew that if she didn't let go a little, she could lose him.

In the end, Alice was right to trust her inner compass and wait, because Jack came back a few hours later in the company of not only Juliet and the two people he'd set off to find, but also Kate.

"Kate?!" At this point Alice was more eager to hug her friend than her boyfriend. "What are you doing back here? Where's Sawyer?"

"Did you really think I'd choose Locke?" the brunette just answered with a question, smoothly avoiding talking about James and Alice understood that she needed time. Maybe they'd just fought about her wanting to leave and him wanting to stay. Alice got that, but it surprised her that Kate decided to leave that village, after all and that James didn't want to follow. What kind of a reason could he possibly have to stay behind anyway? It was Kate who did as she was a wanted fugitive and she could get in prison the moment she set her feet on land. "I wanted to infiltrate, to see what Locke was up to, but he eventually saw right through me and kicked me out. He said it wasn't a democracy, that he set the rules and… well, you know me." Kate shrugged.

"Sure, I do. Always against them. How many times Jack told you to stay put and you went anyway?" Alice winked at the woman.

"Hi, there." Jack finally came over and he did seem to be a little surprised.

Alice nearly laughed right into his face, realizing that he expected her throwing a tantrum that he'd gone somewhere without even telling her, but now she knew better than that, so she just asked, "Are you all right? I was a little worried there when Sun told me where you went."

"A little?" he teased her. "Only a little?" he made sure again, taken aback before finally pulling her closer and kissing her.

"So, what happened?" Alice wanted to know.

"You want the short version? I thought Daniel and Charlotte went to a place Ben called a power station to release toxic gas to kill us all, but they actually deactivated it so Ben wouldn't have the chance to use it again."

"Again?" Alice made sure with a frown and Jack only nodded in confirmation.

"Apparently, he gassed the entire Dharma Initiative and then joined the others."

"Ok, I did not see that one coming, but it actually doesn't surprise me that much, knowing the guy."

* * *

They should be going back home, but they still weren't sure if the people from the boat would save them and quite frankly, they started losing hope. After Jack pushed Daniel hard enough, the man informed they weren't there to help the survivors at all.

Jack, that was the person Alice was worried about. She could tell there was something wrong since she lived with the guy. He kept on waking up in pain and then she caught him looking for some specific medication in his supplies.

"Just tell me what's wrong," she demanded when stepping into the tent behind him and folding her arms over her chest.

"It's nothing serious." He shrugged. "Just a stomach bug."

"Jack, do me a favor and do not insult me," her voice grew sharp and she herself was surprised by its tone. "You know well that you can't lie to me when something's wrong."

"I'm fine," he rephrased and walked right past her, getting out of the tent.

"Jack, I just want to help!" she called after him.

"Well, you can't!"

She closed her eyes for a moment and counted to ten. She knew that the idyllic life she had going with that man would be over one day. She knew they would have a serious fight sooner or later. But all couples did and then they just made up. She knew that and she did her best to calm herself down enough as not to start screaming at him when she faced him again. He was clearly sick and she just needed him to tell her what he caught. What bothered her the most was the fact that he was a doctor, so he should know by now what it was and if the pills he found weren't helping, then… She nearly bent in a half when she felt a sudden wave of nausea overcoming her and she rushed out of the tent, looking for him, just knowing that something was terribly wrong. And it was. Maybe Jack was just too proud to admit he was sick or… there simply was no cure on the island.

She found a cluster of people on the beach, all of them bending over Jack who clearly fainted.

"Juliet!" Alice screamed the name of the second doctor they had and once she got to her boyfriend, the woman in question wasn't that far behind.

"Make some room! Let him breathe!" the blonde called out to the people when Alice fell to her knees and cupped Jack's face.

"Jack? Jack, can you hear me? Jack!" she called him and finally, he opened his eyes, looking at her dizzily. Then he blinked a few times and heaved himself back up. "Jack, be careful!" Alice warned him immediately and did her best to support him.

"I'm fine," he repeated, trying to get away from her.

"You are not fine!" She lost her patience once again and started screaming at him. "You will let Juliet take a look at you and let us help you! It's our turn now!" she insisted when leading him back to the tent.

"It's just food poisoning," Jack tried that excuse one more time, but Juliet and Alice were having none of it.

"Lift up your shirt," Juliet asked him. "If it is what you say it is, you have nothing to worry about."

Only there was something to worry about and the three of them knew that perfectly. Alice could feel it and Juliet could tell by what symptoms she already noticed. Where it came to Jack, well, he'd probably known the moment he started feeling bad, but felt invincible like doctors usually did.

Finally, he complied, seeing that there was no way out of the situation for him and he did lift his shirt, letting Juliet touch various parts of his stomach and press gently. At some point he hissed and she took her hands away.

"It's your appendix, Jack," she informed in a calm voice and paradoxically, at that moment Alice stopped feeling bad. It was as though once the diagnosis was made, she had nothing else to worry about because she knew that Jack would get the help he needed. "When did the pain start?" Juliet asked him. "Has it ruptured?"

"Yesterday and no, it hasn't," Jack finally answered truthfully, but he avoided looking in anyone's eye at the moment.

"I'm going to have to take it out," Juliet decided like it was the most common thing in the world to perform an operation – even if taking out an appendix was one of the easiest – on an island where there was no hospital. Well, except the medical hatch, Alice realized, but she didn't have to be a trained doctor to understand that moving Jack was simply impossible. The appendix could rupture any moment.

Alice stayed with Jack whereas Juliet was already out, talking to Bernard. She knew where the medical station was whereas the man in question was the third person among them who had some kind of a medical experience as a dentist.

"Do you really think it'll work?" Jack asked Alice as she was just sitting with him, holding his hand.

"Yeah, I really do, Jack," she assured him when looking him in the eye. "We didn't come all this way for nothing. Besides, the bad feeling I had when I saw you being sick is gone now."

"Well, I'm still sick," he pointed out with a small smile, probably trying to be funny.

"You're going to be just fine," she assured him.

"What's the first thing you'll do once we get back home?" Jack then asked an unexpected question.

"Take a shower," Alice started counting out, "wash my hair with real shampoo and apply some smoothing conditioner… oh, apply some lotion and drink lots of coffee. And then fall asleep in a real bed by your side."

"Coffee and bed don't exactly match up," he noticed with a chuckle. "And why the hell does shower tramp me?"

"Well, I'll be so exhausted that it won't matter if I drink some coffee," she only answered his first question.

"I have something else in mind which also involves a real and comfy bed instead of a hard ground," he then hinted.

"And what are you? Fifty?" Alice joked. "But yeah. I miss that, too," she admitted, trying not to think when was the last time they'd had sex.

At that moment Juliet came in and started prepping Jack for his surgery. He actually wanted to be awake during the operation and talk Juliet through it, but she was having none of it and eventually told Bernard to chloroform her stubborn patient. The dentist agreed with the blonde doctor, saying that not even Jack could go through this without being knocked out, but it was still hard on him as he was fighting hard to be awake. Alice left before Juliet made the first incision, not wanting to see any of what would soon happen and she felt her eyes growing watery. Seeing Jack being the patient, seeing how ashamed he was of his own powerlessness, got to her. It wasn't that she expected him to be a superhero, it was how much he wanted to be conscious during the operation. Sewing a wound on his back was one thing, she thought when coming back to that particular memory, but getting through a procedure like this, when someone was just cutting into his body and taking something out of it, it was too much. It was too much even for Jack.

* * *

She came back to the tent once Bernard told her it was safe to. Juliet was just finishing sewing Jack up.

Alice sat by his side like she'd done before the operation and asked while stroking his face, "Why do you have to be so stubborn, Jack?"

She thought he was still out, but then to her surprise, he opened his eyes and asked, "What? You've got enough of me already?"

"Never," she told him. "And I can't believe you can joke right now. How are you feeling?"

"Like I've just had an operation," he answered accurately.

"He'll be fine. It went well," Juliet informed and eventually left them alone.

* * *

Jack managed to stay put only for a few days, then Alice caught him rummaging through the food.

"I could've brought you something!" she scolded him. "You've just had surgery!"

"Well, I'm sick of lying down and I was hungry," he told her when putting a handful of cornflakes into his mouth. She actually laughed at the comical picture.

"Come on," she said then, "let's get you back to bed."

Only in that moment they heard the characteristic sound indicating that the chopper was on its way back. It flew right over them, but something was thrown out of it and Jack got to it and picked it up before Alice managed to tell him off again.

"Seriously?!" she asked when she reached him.

"I'm fine. Really."

"Jack, she's right. If you pull your stitches…" Juliet warned him when getting to him.

"It's fine. Look, I think they want us to follow," he said, showing them the GPS device he had in his hand now.

"Are you crazy?!" Alice raised her voice again and then she heard a few muffled laughs in the distance. Maybe the way she kept on chiding him was funny on the outside, but she was actually really worried.

"Alice, we need to get off this island and I can't just sit down and wait for things to happen because I've had some minor surgery," Jack told her.

"So there's no way I can talk you out of going?" she made sure when folding her arms on her chest.

"No. I'm sorry."

"Fine. But I'm coming with!"

"Suit yourself."

"I'm coming, too!" Kate joined them and soon enough they were in the jungle.

Only they barely walked for twenty minutes when Alice noticed Jack was bleeding and pointed it out to him.

"I'm fine," he repeated the same old.

"Jack, seriously, you're the worst patient that has ever walked this earth!" she snapped at him, switching from her normal voice to yelling almost immediately. She was so close to losing her patience with that man. Oh, wait. She already had! She was sick of telling him to stay put and to watch his health. For now all that mattered to him was to get all the people, especially her, out of the island, but he didn't think of his own well-being in the process!

"Jack," she said once again and he actually came to a stop and looked at her in surprise. She couldn't really blame him. She never snapped at people as she very rarely lost her patience and even if she did sometimes, she wouldn't just scream at them. Well, this was different. This was serious. And she was done telling him. They were going back and they were going to do that now. At least he was going back and she and Kate would go to the chopper.

Suddenly, they heard some noises and froze only to see Miles and Sawyer with Aaron in the arms of the latter.

Alice's first impulse was to say James's name and get to him to hug him, even if she had to watch out for the baby while doing so.

Kate just asked, "Where's Claire?"

Sawyer shifted her eyes from Alice and the smile that was on his fade faded immediately. "We lost her."

"What?!" Kate raised her voice, not understanding. "How could you lose her?!"

If it wasn't for the missing mother, Alice would've laughed. Trouble in paradise apparently affected more than the couple that was her and Jack.

"She just walked off in the middle of the night!" Sawyer explained impatiently. "We couldn't find her… The village… it was attacked by the people from the freighter. It was a slaughter! We barely got away," he informed next.

Kate finally walked over to him, but it was only to take Aaron and hug the little boy.

"So you were just going back to the camp?" Alice asked Sawyer.

"Yeah, I figured there was no other place for me to go to, especially with the little one here," he gestured to Aaron. "You?"

"We're going to the chopper," Jack explained and started off again.

"Jack," Alice stopped him when putting her hand on his arm. "Are you sure? You're still bleeding."

"We have to, Alice," he said in a calm voice when looking her in the eye. "This is our only chance of getting out of this island. I can't just take a sick day. Not now. Besides, do you really think that something bad is going to happen to me?" he asked, looking at her in that special way when he meant her ability.

"No," she was forced to say because even though she could do many things, she would never be able to lie to him. She valued trust in a relationship nearly above all.

"Then let's go," he said.

"And why are you bleeding, exactly?" Sawyer asked him.

"I've kind of had a surgery."

For a moment there James just stood still, looking at his friend incredulously and then he just shook his head, "You know what? I'm not even gonna ask! Hey! Wait! I'm comin' with! That sun of a bitch is stubborn!"

Alice had never expected that, but she actually missed Sawyer's dry humor.

* * *

When they finally reached the chopper, it turned out that it wasn't Sayid nor Desmond who'd thrown the tracking device to the beach. It was Lapidus, the pilot himself. He informed them that once the people he'd brought to the island came back, they'd all be dead so they'd better hurry taking off.

"Wait…" James then said, "we can't just fly off. Hugo's with Locke."

"Damn it!" Jack cursed, clearly tired as he hadn't recovered completely. "We need to go and get him!"

"No, Jack," Kate stopped him when putting her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, but you're not well enough to take another trip. You need to rest. I'll go and get Hurley." She handed the baby over to Alice and then turned to James, "Can you tell me where they went?"

"Sure, freckles!" Sawyer agreed, but it was clear to Alice that he still wasn't happy about the cold welcome Kate had served him. Maybe if he went along, the trip would be good for them.

"Do you think they'll make it on time?" Alice asked Jack when they watched the couple disappear.

"I really hope so, because if they're not, we're all dead."

* * *

Only Kate and Sawyer didn't make it on time. Before they managed to come back, Frank's 'friends' did, dragging Ben with them and then they started screaming at the pilot and pointing their guns at both Alice and Jack. And while Jack desperately tried to cover Alice with his own body, she clang to the baby in her arms, wanting to do the same for the little guy. His mother disappeared, he didn't have a father and he was on a deserted island - he did not deserve to die. Actually, none of them did.

Then something changed. In the same moment as Alice whispered to Jack that everything was all right because she could feel it, Kate ran out of the jungle and the whole attention was focused on her.

"Who are you?!" the gunmen asked her.

She raised her hands up into the air. "I'm Kate Austen and I'm being chased."

"By whom?"

"Them," Kate said and as on a cue, gunshots came from the jungle, hitting the freighter people.

"Down!" Kate screamed to Jack, Alice and Ben.

Once the gunfire ceased, Alice was finally brave enough to get up to her feet and look. Aaron, that was still in her arms, was crying.

"Are you all right?!" Kate asked when she got to them and then the others with Hugo, Sawyer and Sayid came out of the jungle, making sure the enemy was dead.

"What did you do?" Jack asked.

"We made a deal with them," Kate explained. "In exchange for freeing Ben, they'll let us leave."

"Just like that?" Jack didn't seem to believe it.

"Yes, Jack, just like that," Ben answered him when one of his people cut the ties on his wrists. "You're free to go, but remember, once you get out, you can never come back."

"Why would we want to go back?" Alice just asked when handing Aaron over to Kate.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," was all Ben said before leaving his people.

"Are we ready for takeoff?" Sayid asked Frank and the older man nodded.

"I nearly can't believe it's that easy," Alice said when Jack helped her inside the chopper.

"It wasn't. We've been here for over a hundred days."

"Right. I just… It's hard to imagine that soon we might actually be home."

Jack only smiled to her and then helped Kate and the baby. Once Sayid, Hugo and Sawyer got in as well, they took off.

It was truly surreal for them all to see the island from above, to realize how big it really was and how much uneven ground it possessed. Alice remembered all those times she'd traveled somewhere. She remembered her first day, waking up in the water, ready to give up, but somehow still fighting for survival. Maybe she was always a fighter, she just never realized it. And now she wasn't alone. She had Jack and they were all right and getting out and that was really all she could ask for. She searched for his hand and when their fingers laced together, she looked at him.

"Jack…" she started, feeling the need to say it. "I… I'm sorry… I'm sorry for screaming at you and…"

"Don't," he interrupted her with a small smile on his face. "You don't have to apologize. I know you were just worried. We're fine now." He squeezed her hand gently. "Our lives together start now."

She smiled to him brightly and then the chopper shook and Frank cursed.

"What is it?" Sayid asked the pilot.

"We've been hit! We're losing fuel!" they received in answer. "We need to get back!"

"No!" Jack protested loudly. "We can't go back! There's no fuel on the island! Our only hope is to reach that boat!"

Frank sighed heavily. "Then we need to be lighter! Throw everything you see out!"

Once they did that, they still didn't seem to have enough fuel to get to the boat. Alice also noticed the scared and ashamed look on Hurley's face and she felt really sorry for the guy who clearly thought that without him they would surely get to their destination with no problems.

She noticed James shifting on the seat right in front of her and then his eyes met hers. She knew what he was going to do.

"James, _no_!" She shook her head at him. Her eyes started to tear up as unknown emotions took control over her.

He moved forward and put his arms around her, burying his face in her hair.

"James, you can't do this!" she screamed, overwhelmed when she lost the contact with his body and he just threw himself at the open door. She reached for his hand and for a moment she was holding it, trying to stop him. In the end, Jack held her back and she lost the contact she had with her friend, allowing him to finally jump out of the chopper and straight into the water.

"He'll swim safely to the shore, I'm sure of it," Jack tried to comfort Alice when taking her into his arms. "And we'll come back for him."

"What if…?"

"Alice, do you feel anything?" Jack then asked her when cupping her face and she shook her head. "He'll be fine, then."

They could already see the boat and once they got closer, they saw Desmond running around the main deck, waving at them frantically.

"What is he screaming about?" Frank asked, preparing himself for the landing. "He needs to get out of there!"

"Did he just say _bomb_?" Miles asked and in the same moment Alice bent in a half, literally screaming in pain.

"Alice!" She heard Jack calling her name like through a very bad connection. His hands were on her shoulders, but she barely noticed. There was too much pain in her stomach and too much nausea and for some unknown reason she couldn't even relieve herself. She could just feel it and suffer through it. "Are you all right?! _Alice_!" Jack was getting more scared with every second.

"There's a bomb on the boat!" Kate yelled to the pilot, realizing what it all meant.

"I don't care! If I don't put the chopper down, we'll crash!" Frank screamed and finally landed.

Desmond ran to them immediately. "You need to get out of here! There's a bomb! We may only have a few minutes!"

"How much time exactly?!" Jack asked.

"Maybe five?"

"Quick! Refill the tank! Meet me back here in four!" Frank was giving orders.

"Are you feeling better?" Jack asked Alice who didn't even leave the chopper, feeling too shaken up to walk.

She nodded and then she winced slightly. "If we get out in time… we should be fine," she said. "Just stay close to me."

"I will, don't worry."

Kate came back with Sun and the Korean asked her to find Jin.

"Kate, there's no time!" Jack stopped her once she wanted to run into the boat again. "We need to take off now. Jin needs to make it on his own."

"Go! Go! Go!" Frank gestured to them all as on cue and Kate started panicking, not knowing what to do which made it easier for Jack to get her back to the helicopter.

Alice's nausea refused to pass completely. They were taking off and she still had her hands pressed against her stomach, trying to breathe normally, just focusing on breathing. She told herself that it would all be over soon and they would be far away from the freighter when the bomb exploded.

Only then Jin ran onto the deck, waving at the chopper and Sayid needed to hold back Sun who desperately wanted to get to her husband.

Of course Jin didn't make it and suddenly, the boat burst into flames, followed by Sun's desperate scream. Alice actually felt like screaming herself since she was once again overcame with feeling more powerful than all those she'd ever felt before. Everything Jack seemed to be able to do for her right now was to hold her tightly in his arms and she was so grateful for that. She was so grateful that he was there and that he was alive.

She thought that the terrible ache was slowly leaving her and then she heard Frank saying they were almost back on the island. _Back on the island_ … Alice thought. Back to where they started. Back to the beginning with no boat. What were they going to do now? Stay there forever?

In the next second she couldn't even form a coherent thought as she was hit with double pain and everything went white. She had the impression that it was all happening inside her head, but then she could hear the screams of the rest, asking where the island was and where they were going and then there was simply nothing. Only darkness.

"Alice! Oh, my God! Alice!" Jack was screaming when shaking her gently. "Alice!" Only she wasn't responding, passed out.

"Hold on!" was the last thing Jack heard coming from Frank before they ran out of fuel and crashed into the ocean. He focused all his might on holding on to Alice, on not letting her go down. She could very easily drown when not being conscious and he couldn't let that happen.


	16. Chapter 16 sawyer

Sometime in the middle of the crash, Jack lost the hold he had on Alice and he immediately started panicking, doing his best to swim up to the surface to be able to locate her and save her. He couldn't lose her. Not now. Not when they were finally out of the island.

When Alice regained her consciousness, she couldn't understand why she was in the ocean, why she was drowning _. Again_. For a moment there she had the worst thought that she was back at the start, that somehow she traveled back in time and was about to immerse to see the island for the very first time. Only that couldn't be true. Her will to live was much bigger than before. She was in love. She had friends. She'd found purpose.

Once her body burst through the surface of the water and she finally took a deep breath, choking as she did so, the first thing she heard was Jack's scream. He was screaming for her.

"Jack!" she finally answered him and once he saw that she was all right, his expression changed from terrified and desperate to an equally emotional but happy one.

"Alice!" he called her name one more time and swan towards her, taking her into his arms even if that made it difficult for the both of them to stay on the surface. "Are you all right?" he asked then when moving away and cupping her face to look her in the eye.

"Jack… what happened?" she only asked, looking around in confusion. There was no island, no chopper, just a raft and water. Water and nothing else. The rest of their people were already on that raft or on their way to it.

"Nothing," he said in a shaky voice. "We're all right and that's all that matters. Come."

Together they swam to the raft and once they were all safely in there, Kate finally explained what happened and even though everyone except Alice saw it, she was still skeptical when she heard about it. Because things like that never happened. They just couldn't. It wasn't possible. It was against all the physical laws. You couldn't just move an island. You couldn't make it disappear. Only Ben had apparently done just that.

"What do you feel?" Jack asked Alice a specific question when the rest of them started wondering if they were going to die or be found in time.

Alice didn't really want to test the waters with her gift, especially since it'd almost killed her when causing her to lose her consciousness and almost drown when the chopper crashed, but she made the effort to try and sense something. And there was just nothing.

"I… I just don't," she replied, surprised herself. "I mean… even when I didn't sense anything before, I kind of… I don't know how to explain it. I felt different then. And I feel different now. I feel… free. Like it's gone."

"Maybe it is," Jack just said. "After all, Locke did tell you to stay on the island to work on that… gift."

"So, you really think that once we got out, I don't have it anymore?" Alice asked with hope in her voice.

"I do."

"Good. That's all I could ever want," she admitted.

"I'm a little confused here, dude," they suddenly heard Hurley's voice. "What are you, guys, talking about?"

* * *

The night had fallen pretty fast, maybe a little bit too fast. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it - they might meet their end on this raft. Those might actually be their final moments. They couldn't know if there was anything out there, if they would even find another island or land or boat. They could as well be lost out in the open ocean with no hope of ever getting help, of ever being found.

Alice started shaking at some point, but all she could do was to snuggle closer into Jack's body, which was pretty much impossible as they were practically attached to one another ever since they'd gotten out of the water. She was pretty sure that her gift was gone with the island because she didn't feel that familiar clench in her stomach anymore. And something told her that she should. The situation was dire at best.

And then Hugo noticed a light.

And they were all standing up and screaming at once, waving at what appeared to be a boat in the distance.

And the boat was coming straight at them.

Alice was so cold she could barely feel her fingers, but she was excited. It was as though a new life was thrown into her, a new hope. They were going to be saved. They were really going back home. They were not going to die.

Only once she looked at Jack with that wide smile on her face, it disappeared at instance because she met with a completely different expression. Jack was troubled. And then he said, "We have to lie."

"About what?" Hugo asked, but for the rest of them it actually seemed pretty obvious.

"Everything," Jack answered. "About the island. The people from that freighter came to kill us. Our plane was found at the bottom of the ocean. Someone must've put it there. Just think about it. How much trouble someone went to, to cover it all up? If we say the truth, not only we will be in danger but the people we left behind as well."

"I understand that, Jack," Alice said, "but how can we ever help them if we don't say anything?" Her mind returned to James, wondering whether he managed to swim safely back to the island before it… She really didn't want to consider the other possibility. She didn't want to think that he might've died not so far away from where they'd crashed when the island disappeared.

"Alice, I'm sorry, but we might not have any other choice."

"But we won't pull it off," Kate protested. "How can we even lie so much?!"

"Just let me do the talking and we'll be fine," Jack offered. "There is no other choice and deep down inside you all know it," he repeated.

"Jack…" Alice started and stopped, not sure what argument even present to him. She just couldn't think straight. All those people… Locke, Claire, Juliet, _James_ … she couldn't bear the thought of never seeing them again.

"No, man, I don't think we should…" Hugo started, but then Sayid interrupted him, "Hurley…"

"No! We just can't leave them behind and never go back for them!"

"They'll be safe," Sayid told him and then added, "The island is gone and even if we wanted to, we wouldn't be able to find it."

"But…"

" _I need_ to know that you're all with me on this," Jack cut in again, emphasizing his words. " _Everything_ depends on it." He looked at Alice, but at the moment she was just a silent presence beside him. She hadn't even thought that they wouldn't be able to find the island again. Earth was big, there was so much… so much ground to cover and they didn't even know where to start. Her mouth went dry when she tried to wrap her mind around all of this and then she remembered Ben's words. He had told them that they would never be able to come back. She just hadn't realized then that he meant it _literally._

"Alice?" Jack prompted.

"I have always been with you," she assured him in a strangely empty voice. There was really nothing else to say when everyone else she cared about was gone and only Jack remained. Jack – her future.

"Me, too," Kate agreed.

"Aye," Desmond simply said and that left Sayid and Hurley. The first one was all right with the conditions, but Hugo still wasn't happy, though he was outvoted in the end.

And that was the moment the boat finally reached them and the men onboard started screaming something to them in a foreign language. One word must've stood out since Desmond stilled and asked, "Penny?!"

Soon enough, Alice witnessed a marvelous reunion between Desmond and his girlfriend. What she saw made her believe in real love against all odds. How many years had Desmond been away? Why Penelope hadn't given up? It was beautiful, truly and lifted all the survivors' spirits, even if for just a moment.

* * *

The following week was filled with getting to know Penny, talking over what they would do and say once found and just blissful relaxation. Soon, they got close to the Membata island and then Sumba where they were to stage their rescue.

"Anything?" Jack asked once last time and both he and Alice knew he was referring to her ability.

"No. I really think it's gone. It disappeared along with the island."

"That's actually good news," he said with a smile and she reciprocated.

Just like that, they were at the shore and a crowd of people was already running towards them. They were officially rescued or… maybe they rescued themselves.

* * *

Once they made a call, the Oceanic Airlines sent a plane for them. In the meantime, they decided Kate should say that she was Aaron's mother since Alice couldn't possibly pull that off. She would like to have a child, so taking care of her friend's baby would be a natural thing for her to do, but Jack reminded her that she'd been hospitalized before she'd taken the flight 815 and those records were still there, stating that she hadn't been pregnant during the car accident in which her family had died. It meant she couldn't have possibly been carrying a child for six months during the crash. They also decided to change their story completely, saying that only a few more of them had survived the crash, but the missing people had died on the island from various reasons; Jack being the doctor made it all easier for them as he could figure out plausible enough scenarios.

* * *

Oceanic provided everything. After all, they didn't have much of a choice if they wanted to maintain a good PR. The survivors were given food and drinks, they got a place to shower and a fresh change of elegant clothes since after their landing they agreed to a video conference. They were all exhausted, but they didn't want to procrastinate. It was better to just put all their efforts together and lie perfectly while they were still in shock, while – as Jack said – their obliviousness to some of the things that had apparently happened to them could be explained by it.

They didn't talk much on the plane. Hugo was still mad about the fact that he was outvoted by the majority and had to lie as well. Also, even if some of them hadn't spent enough time with Desmond on the island, they missed him now as he and Penny had dropped them off and sailed away. Charles Widmore – the man who'd sent the people on the freighter to the island – was actually Penny's father and he always hated Desmond. Needles to say, the reunited lovers chose to stay together in hiding.

"We're getting close to landing," the spokeswoman of Oceanic informed. "Get ready. Your families are all out there, waiting for you."

 _Families?_ Alice thought since she knew there would be no one waiting for her because there simply wasn't anyone left alive. Only then she felt Jack strengthening his hold on her hand as though he sensed her anxiety and was trying to tell her without words that he was there for her and everything would be all right. And it would truly be, she knew that. She wasn't alone anymore and it wasn't only about Jack. She not only had a person to share her life with, but she had friends now as well. If they had to lie, they could only talk about what happened on the island with each other. They couldn't even use psychological help to deal with their issues. Alice was sure that she and Kate would remain good friends and that she would be an amazing aunt for Aaron. It still hurt that Claire and James hadn't gotten out and that Alice didn't even know if they were all right. Her friendship with the woman had changed ever since Claire had been taken into the Dharma station by Ethan, but she was still a person Alice had trouble letting go of, not to mention Sawyer to whom she'd gotten so attched to. Sun would probably come back to Korea, but Alice was sure they'd stay in touch. She was also hopeful that Hurley would come around. As far as Sayid was concerned, Alice still had mixed feelings about the Iraqi, but she would do her best for Shannon. For another friend she'd lost.

Just like that, they landed and for a moment, just before the door opened, they all seemed to be in real shock. They'd spent over one hundred days on the island and while it seemed a lot, now they had the impression that it'd gone by so fast that their heads were spinning. They were used to fighting for survival, to fighting for every single day of life, to fighting their inner demons and strange happenings and monsters. Suddenly, they were back to normality and they didn't quite know how they'd fit in there again. When the novelty of the famous Oceanic Seven – as the media had already started to call them – wore off, they would have to do just that. They would have to find a place to live if their old apartments had been sold off; they would have to start working again and instead of picking up fruits and hunting animals, they would earn money to buy them.

"Ready?" the spokeswoman asked and then the door slowly opened.

None of them was really ready, but it didn't matter. They had to do it. They just had to get over this in order to start living again.

Hugo was the first one to get out of the plane as he was too eager to see his family and too mad at his fellow survivors for the decision they'd made. Jack marched towards someone whom he apparently recognized with a smile on his face, but his hand did not let go of Alice's and it resulted in him pulling her forward when she stopped, deciding that she'd feel much better among Sayid and Kate who apparently also had no one to greet them. Jack had none of it and soon enough Alice was standing next to an older woman whom she assumed was Jack's mother. She hugged her son tightly and that was the moment Jack was forced to finally let go of Alice's hand.

"It's so good to see you!" his mother was just saying with tears in her eyes.

"You, too. You, too, mom," he answered and then looked at Alice who felt rather out of place. "Mom, I want you to meet someone special. She's…" he stopped there for a moment as though he was searching for the right words to say. Eventually, he finished with, "she's the one, mom. She's the love of my life."

Alice didn't know what to expect and she nearly wished she'd still had the _gift_. How foolish it was of her to want that? She was just being introduced to Jack's mother. But not maybe _just_. This woman had given Jack's life and raised him and Alice wanted so much for her to approve of her son's choice.

"We met on the island," Jack explained, "and we saved each other."

Mrs. Shephard took a closer look at Alice and the latter was grateful that Oceanic had provided her with shower and real shampoo because she really wanted to look good and amicable.

"Of course it must've taken a plane crash and deserted island for you to finally find her," Jack's mother voiced her opinion. "I thought you were never going to find anyone good and to be honest, I never liked Sara."

Alice was surprised to hear all of that and she actually decided that she would most certainly like Mrs. Shephard.

"Come here, my dear," the woman then said and gave Alice a hug. "I'm sure we'll like each other very much… Jack, she's so pretty!... but wait, where's your family, dear?"

Alice's expression changed from surprised happiness to an actual sadness.

"Oh, dear God, I said something wrong, didn't I?"

"You couldn't have known, mom," Jack assured the woman when putting his arm around Alice. "We really have a lot to talk about," he then added. He might not be able to tell his own mother the truth about the island, but he definitely had to tell her about his father and the operation on Alice's twin sister.

* * *

They barely met with their families and they already had to go and attend the press conference, but as Jack said, it was better to get it over with. The reporters kept on asking a lot of difficult questions, but luckily, the survivors' confusion of how to answer was taken as simply being in shock. Kate was asked how it was to give birth on the island and then the reporters smoothly followed with asking about being a convict, which was skillfully bounced by the Oceanic spokesperson. Discussing Kate's criminal past wasn't a part of the deal. Alice was soon asked about the tragic circumstances preceding her boarding the plane and how she coped with it right after the crash. That question also remained unanswered and Jack spoke instead, saying something about how amazing she was on the island. It wasn't true, Alice thought morosely, remembering how she'd actually wanted to die and gotten so close to taking her own life, but then again, nothing that was said in front of the reporters that day was true. It was the price they had to pay for freedom and for protecting those who were left behind. She thought of Sawyer and Claire again. The fact that she couldn't be sure that they were ok was killing her. In a moment, she would be free, but in the same time she would never actually be. Not when she wouldn't know what happened to her friends. She thought that life was never easy. There was always loss, a price to pay for happiness and then the happy ending was rather bittersweet. She looked at Hurley who was still angry and clearly not speaking to anyone of the Oceanic Seven; then she glanced at Sun who was also upset, grieving the loss of her husband. And she was pregnant. Alice wouldn't wish that fate on anyone. Kate had taken Aaron, pretending to be his mother and from now on she would have to be extra careful. Not only she was still pending a trial, but she needed to make sure that no gynecologist would ever discover that she, in fact, was never pregnant. Sayid seemed mostly all right, just being glad that he was out and probably looking forward to what would happen next. And then, there was Jack and finally, Alice saw light in the darkness. She might always be wondering what was going on with both James and Claire and all the rest, but she would also always have Jack. They had both made it, they'd survived. Jack was actually speaking now. He was truly amazing with what he was doing for them all and he was so right when he said they could trust him and leave it all to him. With his help, they would soon be out of the woods. Another question was asked and he met Alice's eyes. She instantly felt better and her heart warmed up. She only had to hold on to the end of the conference and then it would finally be over. Then she and Jack would just go home, wherever that was. She was actually happy to know that even though her apartment had been rented to another person a long time ago, she still owed her bookshop. It was closed and slowly turning into ruin, but it hadn't been sold on any auction yet. That was all she truly needed. The lawyer hired for her by Oceanic also informed her that some of her stuff was still in the basement of the building she'd used to live in. Her landlord had gotten rid of her clothes, but the photo albums remained as he didn't have the heart to just throw all that memories away, even if the owner and all associated family was gone.

Finally, the conference came to an end, no more questions were allowed to ask and soon enough one of the bodyguards started guiding the Oceanic Seven to the back exit. The reporters were still screaming at them, but they didn't have to talk to them anymore. They were _free_. Well, maybe except Kate, Alice thought, instantly worried about Aaron's future. What if Kate was thrown into jail? Would Alice be able to take the boy then? She truly wished she could've taken him in and lied that she was his mother, but her medical records from the time of the accident were unquestionable. They might not figure out that Kate wasn't Aaron's mother, but they would surely guess that with Alice.

As she walked, led by the bodyguard, she felt a hand on her shoulder and she calmed down under the familiar touch. Then they were at the door and Jack's arm was around her, making her feel better, making it possible for her to breathe again.

"We're going home," he said into her ear.

As they finally found themselves outside, they saw Sayid hugging and kissing some woman and even though they didn't know who she was, they were actually happy that someone found the Iraqi. Then came the time for goodbyes. Hugo said a few words, but they didn't sound very honest and he quickly bailed with his parents, Alice sending him a sad look. It hurt since he was always the one hugging everyone and now he was just gone. Sun also left quickly with her family, probably wanting to catch the next plane back to Korea and see a doctor about the pregnancy. Kate was the only one who hugged both Jack and Alice and then she let them say goodbye to Aaron. They offered to give her a ride, but she already had a car waiting for her from Oceanic. They could go to court with the airline, but they already orally agreed to the generous offer they proposed. It would make them all very rich people and they didn't see any sense in fighting for more. Money wouldn't bring anyone who was dead or simply gone, back. Going to court wouldn't let them forget and they wanted to do just that desperately. They needed to forget in order to keep their sanities intact and to move on.

"Call us soon!" Alice told Kate as the brunette was walking away and then she finally got into the car Jack's mother was driving.

"Where to?" Mrs. Shephard asked and Jack just told her to drop them off at his place. It was a good thing that the woman hadn't sold or rented it. After allegedly losing both her husband and son, she just couldn't think of getting rid of anything.

They were all quiet during the ride. Alice sensed that Jack's mother wanted to ask them a lot of questions, but she didn't out of respect for all they'd been through. Besides, she already knew the whole story from the press conference and it wasn't like they could tell her the truth. All they did now was to just sit next to each other in the back and hold hands, still not believing their eyes as they saw the world passing by.

Once Mrs. Shephard stopped the car, she turned to them and said, "If you need anything, just call me, ok? Even if it's the middle of the night." They could tell that she didn't want to let her son go just yet, but his needs were more important to her than her own, so she did. She could tell that both Jack and Alice were exhausted and drained and they just wanted to be alone.

"Thank you, mom," Jack said and leaned towards her to kiss her cheek. "It's all… too much today, but I promise I'll call you and then come visit as soon as I can."

She nodded and smiled to him through fresh tears in her eyes. "I'm just glad that you're ok. It's really all I could ever ask for."

Jack reciprocated the smile and then got out of the car, followed by Alice.

"So you live here," she finally said on seeing the rather tall and fancy apartment building.

"Yeah," he admitted with a nod. "Didn't I mention that I come from a long and rich line of doctors?"

"Nope, you didn't," she made that clear. "Not that I care, but it's a nice transition from my crappy old apartment… Jack," she then started again after a moment of silence in which they made it to the door. "If it's too soon…" she said awkwardly, not really knowing how to put those words together. "I can find something… else… temporarily… with the money from Oceanic, I'll be able to afford it."

Jack turned to her in surprise.

"What?" he asked. "Alice, I already told you that I want nothing more than you in my life. After everything that…" He just shook his head as though he was trying to repel the bad memories. "After everything I've been through… after everything we've been through… I don't see my life going anywhere without you. I won't be happy alone. I need you there in my apartment. I love you. I'm in this for real." He put his hands on her shoulders as he was saying the last part.

She smiled to him brightly through the tears that appeared in her eyes.

"I guess I just have cold feet. I know it's silly, but I'm afraid that…"

"I will not leave you. You will never have to be alone again. I'm your family now," he assured her when looking her deeply in the eye and drawing soothing circles with his fingers on her shoulders.

"Good. I feel the same way," she finally said and was about to kiss him when the door opened, showing a stunned doorman.

"I'm sorry, doctor Shephard," he apologized quickly, realizing that he interrupted something. "I just can't believe it's really you!"

"It's nice to see you, too, Philip." Jack turned to the man with a smile.

"It's really great to see you alive, doctor!"

"This is Alice," Jack introduced her . "She'll be living with me now."

"It's an honor, miss," the man told her and kissed her hand.

"Well, that was a warm welcome," Jack said when they were both already in the elevator riding upstairs.

"You have quite the reputation, doctor Shephard," she teased him when taking his arm.

"It was just one miraculous operation," he said as though he didn't think of himself to be so good.

"And what about the successful tumor removal on the island? That wasn't a show off your skills? You saved Ben's life."

"Only to save you," he assured her when the elevator stopped and they were finally in Jack's spacious and actually well-furnished apartment.

"It paid off since he let us go," she said.

"So, what are you want to do now?" Jack asked her, finally taking her into her arms and kissing her like he'd wanted to downstairs.

She kissed him back with equal fervor. Just a second ago she didn't feel like doing anything else but sleeping, but now as their lips touched and she finally felt safe and happy that she was back in a civilized world with Jack, she felt the fire burning inside her and it only grew hotter. She moaned when his tongue found its way into her mouth, making her forget her own name and then Jack's hands were on her hips and he pulled her in, showing her how ready he was for her. In fact, he was already fully aroused.

"Wait… wait…" She woke up after a moment and it took all her willpower to pull away, but she did so. And it wasn't for her, it was for him. She might be ready for a baby, but he wasn't. At least they hadn't talked about it yet and the last time they'd had, he didn't want one. Besides, now that they were back home, she saw how silly it would be to get pregnant after barely months of knowing each other. "Condom. Do you happen to…?" she started, but he interrupted her with a smile on his face.

"I think I have some," he answered.

"Oh, thank God! Where's the bedroom?" she asked, but instead of actually looking for it, she started kissing him again and he raised her up until her legs were securely wound around his hips. Then he carried her to the needed room and gently lowered on the bed. He was actually looking for a few minutes, but finally found a pack of condoms in the bathroom.

They couldn't seem to wait any longer. Clothes were ripped, hands desperately touched and explored, trying to cover everything at once as they hadn't been in this position for what seemed like forever. Lips met and sucked, tongues licked and entwined together and then Jack lined up and pushed until he was buried completely inside of her and her back arched in pleasure and anticipation. Then they were just moving, doing what felt right, doing what felt natural, losing themselves within each other, reaching their completion. And right after that, they fell into deep and uninterrupted sleep.


	17. Chapter 17 sawyer

Alice woke up in blissfulness and heat. She actually moaned in pleasure at the sensations of soft bed underneath her and a hot, naked and very aroused body pressing into her back. Jack's arms were around her, holding her close to him, his breath on the back of her neck. She felt perfectly happy in this moment and she actually decided that crashing on the island was the best thing that could've happened to her after her parents' and Annie's death. She'd thought she would never find peace of mind or any kind of happiness again and here she was, with the man she loved more than anything. They survived and they were together and it was enough for now.

She shifted, grazing her butt against Jack's erection, then heard him groan and finally say in a muffled voice, "God, please, don't move."

"And why is that?" she asked, giggling as she turned around and looked at him.

"Because I'll just lose it."

"You're very needy," she told him when cupping his face and gently running her fingers through his scratchy by now cheeks.

"Well, it's been a long time."

"Mhm…" she uttered when pressing her lips against him and kissing him deeply. "Good morning," she said when she pulled away and looked into his glazy eyes.

"The best," Jack whispered and then Alice decided to straddle him. "Oh! Are you ready?" he made sure, surprised that she jumped him so fast.

"Always," she answered before lowering herself down and capturing his lips again, her hand in the same time wondered to his groin and guided him inside.

"Definitely the best," Jack repeated and she agreed as she rocked against him and kept on kissing him.

* * *

"Oh my God, I missed this so much," Alice said in blissfulness. "How long it's been? Over one hundred days for sure," she decided.

"It's been longer for me," Jack said, running a path down her arm with a sponge. "Or… pretty much never."

"You've never had a bubble bath?!" She was so surprised that she turned around, splashing the water over the tub and onto the floor. "Seriously?!"

"No, of course I have," he protested. "It's just… I've never taken one with a woman," he admitted when touching her face. "Maybe I should have. It's pleasant. Although I can't imagine actually having sex in here. It's slippery and the whole bathroom would be flooded."

Alice playfully swatted him upside the head.

"What did I say?"

"You only think about one thing!" she scolded him. "I'm a human being, you know, not just a sex machine!"

He laughed soundly and she really enjoyed that since they'd very rarely laughed like this on the island. There had always been a shadow ahead of them, a problem to solve or something to worry about. Now they were free. And it felt amazing.

"I know that. I'm sorry," he said, his voice actually growing serious.

"Apologizes accepted as long as you truly love me for more than just my body."

"Are you kidding me? How many times have I told you that already?"

"You have to do this at least one more," she teased and finally heaved herself up and got out of the tub, placing a towel around herself. "And I'm actually glad I'm the first at something, even if that happens to be a bubble bath." She winked at him. "Breakfast? I'm starving!"

"Breakfast and coffee. Lots of coffee!" Jack agreed, following her example and then grabbing her hips and swirling her around so he could kiss her again. She giggled as he did so.

"But no cereal! I want real, fried pancakes."

"Then we're making pancakes," he agreed.

"And then… I guess I'll have to go shopping for some clothes," she decided, realizing that there really wasn't much she could put on.

"Then go. I need to run to the hospital anyway. I want my job back."

"And just like that, we're back to a normal life," she said.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Of course not! I can't wait to go and see my bookshop! There's going to be so much work to do there!"

"But once the day is over, we'll get to get back home to each other and spend the evening together and then there'll be weekends," Jack said when kissing her again. He couldn't seem to get enough of her as now once again there were no boundaries between them. "Well, provided I won't be on call."

"I've never actually considered that dating a doctor could be this hard," Alice realized with a frown. "They always put it in such a bright light!"

"Are you backing out now?"

"Never! I'm too much in love with you!"

* * *

Days flew by fast, maybe even too fast for Alice's taste, but anything was better than grieving after her family or being stuck on the island and not knowing whether she'd survive the next day. At least she was happy. In fact, she'd never been happier and decided to cherish every single moment. She got her bookshop back and was working on it before its second opening. She hoped she would succeed, considering that people didn't buy many books those days as they didn't even have the time to read, and even if – they'd go online and buy an e-book. Still, Alice's place was somehow special and she'd used to be so proud of it. She had the gift of getting the most rare books and oldest editions. She'd had quite a clientele before she'd gone to Australia and she was looking forward to seeing some of them come back. She'd even met with a few as they'd come by to tell her how happy they were she was alive and back and how sorry they were for everything that happened to her. They also mentioned they'd be back once she opened since they missed the atmosphere and magic of her shop.

Jack got his job back – after all, he was a hero who'd survived impossible conditions and helped a lot of people back on the island. Together, they were doing just fine. Great, even. Jack was careful as not to become the workaholic he'd once been and because of which he'd lost Sara. He claimed that the marriage would've ended anyway sooner or later, but it'd had so fast because of him putting his work first, so he tried very hard not to do that and Alice was proud of him.

They both took a day off now since the memorial service for Christian Shephard was to finally happen. There was no body, but Jack needed this closure, he finally needed to attend his father's funeral. His mother had agreed since she'd been grieving the loss of her son and husband so much that she hadn't even been able to attend any events in their memory. How she survived on her own with no family left, that was a mystery to Jack, but he was grateful that she had. She'd received help from her best friend, but beside her, Jack only had one living relative and it was his grandfather, the father of Christian. Unfortunately, he was in the home as he had trouble with his mind.

"Are you all right?" Alice asked with care in her voice when Jack finally emerged from the bedroom, dressed in a black suit. It'd taken him more time to get ready than her and that only meant one thing.

He just nodded and cleared his throat before he said that he was fine and they could go. Alice's expression softened and she walked over to him and took his hand anyway, running her fingers over his skin. "I'm here for you," she just said and he nodded again, sending her something resembling a grateful smile.

"Let's go," he just said.

* * *

It was hard for Jack to finally give an eulogy at his father's official funeral, Alice could tell. Maybe everyone could since Jack was pretty emotional and his voice wavered a few times, but he got through it all right. And once he did, Alice could see the relief in him, the change. He finally let go of someone who'd been there at the back of his mind for a very long time now. Maybe it was also the time to let go of the blame. It was obvious that it wasn't Jack's fault that his father drunk himself to death, but the son still thought that if only he'd gotten to Australia sooner, if only he'd listened to his mother sooner or maybe if only he'd reached a hand to his father when Christian had been fired, things could've been different. That kind of thinking was pointless now since nothing would ever bring the dead back and they needed to move on and find happiness again without them. Alice still remembered the look on Jack's mother's face once he told her about the connection he and Alice shared even before the island. Mrs. Shephard started crying and then hugged Alice so tightly that she cried as well because the hug reminded her of actually having a mother.

Alice pushed all those unwelcomed thoughts away and once the service was over, she took Jack's hand and they were ready to leave the church. She spotted Kate with Aaron by the door and was happy to see her friend and the little boy. After all, they hadn't seen each other since the day they'd parted after the Oceanic conference.

Only once they made their way to Kate, a blonde older woman stopped them.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Shephard… can I speak with you for a moment?" she asked.

"Of course," Jack agreed, intrigued.

"Could we do it in private, please?" the woman prompted and Jack looked at Alice.

"Whatever you're here to say, you can say in front of my girlfriend," he turned back to the woman and said in a polite but confident voice.

"That's right, you were in the plane crash, too," the woman turned to Alice. "I'm so sorry for everything you two have been through."

"Excuse me, but… who are you, exactly?" Alice wanted to know. After all, the last thing Jack needed was being bothered by some pretend-to-be-sympathetic stranger right after his father's funeral.

"I'm Carole Littleton," the woman finally introduced herself. "My daughter died in the crash."

"Oh… I'm so sorry, Mrs. Littleton," Alice quickly said.

"Mrs. Littleton, I am very sorry, too, but I don't understand what you're doing here," Jack admitted, pretty confused to what this woman wanted with him.

"I'm here because it was my daughter that your father came to Australia to see," Carole answered and caused both Jack's and Alice's minds to spin.

"What?"

"Your father had a daughter."

"No, my father didn't have a daughter," Jack protested, but the look in the woman's eyes was actually enough to put those surety to doubt. How much did he really know about Christian Shephard? How many secrets did his father have?

"Oh, he did," Carole confirmed. "If you don't believe, please, feel free to check his phone records. I just… I need to tell you this. The strangest thing, Mr. Shephard, is that she was on the same plane. For a few hours you might've been even seating close to each other, not even realizing the truth."

Alice felt sick and it had nothing to do with her island's gift, that one was long gone, but she still felt her sixth sense working on overload. Could it be… could it be possible that this daughter of Mrs. Littleton wasn't actually dead? It was one thing to let the families of the people they left behind think their children, brothers or sisters were dead, but to come with such a relative face to face…

"Her name was Claire," Carole then revealed and Alice's hand squeezed Jack's. She could sense that he was thrown off track, but did his best not to show it because right there, a few feet away from Mrs. Littleton was Aaron, her grandson. And she had no idea. She couldn't have. Not ever. Wasn't that the cruelest thing they'd ever done? Alice wondered. Maybe Hugo was right, maybe they shouldn't have lied. Only then again, the island could be found by Widmore and even if he didn't kill all their friends, he would explore the place and it didn't take a genius to figure out that despite all the horror they'd been through there, it was, indeed, special.

After a few seconds that seemed like a whole eternity, Carole finally left, telling Kate on her way out that she had a beautiful baby boy. Yes, Alice definitely felt sick now.

"What happened?" Kate asked when coming over and seeing the look on both Alice's and Jack's faces.

"That was…" Jack started, but stopped, still in shock. "That was Claire's mother."

"What?" Kate paled. "Does she… does she know?" She looked back, but the woman was already gone.

"No, she doesn't," Alice calmed Kate down. "She was here to… may I?" she made sure she could tell Kate everything and Jack just nodded, trying to pull himself back together. And they'd thought the actual funeral would be hard on them that day. "Claire was Jack's half sister and they never knew."

Kate's eyes opened widely and she looked at Aaron and then back at Jack.

"But this means… this means…"

"That Jack is Aaron's uncle."

* * *

During the next few days Jack and Alice didn't really talk about what happened. They'd decided with Kate right after she'd found about Claire's mother that they wouldn't tell her the truth. It was about the hardest decision Alice had ever had to make, but they had no choice even if it worn them down. Actually, it was Kate's decision since she was taking care of Aaron; so once another week passed by, Alice didn't feel so guilty anymore. Instead, she kept busy. She was working on her bookshop as the opening was happening pretty soon and she also visited her doctor to get better birth control than condoms (they both with Jack were sick of them anyway) while Jack was working at the hospital and doing his best to spend a good amount of his time with her. They just didn't talk about Carole Littleton because there was no point in doing so.

There was one thing Alice needed to do, though, and that was getting a gun license. Theoretically, they were in no danger, but some things one just couldn't get over no matter how hard they tried. She needed to feel safe and even if being with Jack did that, she knew it was just an illusion. If someone wanted to hurt them, if someone knew the truth about the island and what they'd done and wanted to get to them, they would. That was why she needed to continue her lessons. Jack had started teaching her how to use a gun on the island, but that wasn't enough. Besides, she needed to take lessons to actually get the permit for carrying one.

"Why are you doing this?" Jack asked when he found out. He wasn't mad, he just wanted to understand her. "We're safe. There's no danger anymore, I promise you," he added and took her into his arms.

"I just don't want to feel helpless ever again, Jack," she answered him and pulled away so she could look into his eyes. "Can you understand that? Too many bad things has already happened to me and I decided to make my own luck. I know that having a gun can't prevent an accident, but at least I can feel safe. I need to be strong after all the weakness I showed you on the island. I need to protect myself. Just because we're home, doesn't mean that bad things will stop happening to us. Actually, it's more likely they'll happen in the city."

Jack smiled to her sadly and brushed her cheek with his hand. "I don't mind you taking the class," he finally said. "Do whatever makes you feel safe and happy. I'm here for you. And you shouldn't be ashamed of your weakness back on the island. It's what convinced me that deep inside, we may actually be very alike."

"I don't think you've ever been weak, Jack," she admitted.

"Maybe you don't, but I do." He pulled her to his chest again, his arms around her as though he wanted to shield her from all the evil she thought may wait out there for her, but he knew better than that. He knew he couldn't protect her and she wouldn't even want him to be her knight in shining armor. She wanted to be strong all on her own and that was just another thing he loved about her. She didn't need him in her life so he could protect her, she did that all by herself, she needed him to just love her and that was exactly what he was doing.

* * *

After the grand reopening of Alice's bookshop, Jack prepared something special for her and he took her away for the rest of the weekend. It was supposed to be romantic, but they were also in a need for some retreat. Kate was pending trial on which they both planned on giving their testimonies – lies, of course. In Jack's opinion this weekend was long overdue since they needed a getaway from their real lives and real problems, a getaway that had nothing to do with being stranded on a strange island, that was.

He booked an apartment, but they didn't stay there for long once they got there since they had a reservation in the best restaurant in town. Alice thought it was all to celebrate the successful reopening of her bookshop – and it was successful. She actually had tears in her eyes when she saw all those people coming in and she really hoped they didn't do that just because they wanted to see her as she was now quite famous, but she also recognized a lot of her old clientele and that calmed her down. Yet, Jack's reason for taking her somewhere had nothing to do with her career as she would soon find out.

"You smell so good and you shaved for a change!" Alice paid him a few compliments. Yes, they were unusually clean and fresh once they got out of the island and Jack could also shave now every day, but didn't always have the time for it when being a doctor which left him with stubble on his face. A stubble that even though looked very hot to Alice, scratched the hell out of her skin.

"You, too, and will you ever let that shaving thing go?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Nope. If you were me, you'd see how painful it is sometimes."

"Well, no one tells you to kiss me all the time," he joked and pulled up a chair for her and then sat on the opposite side of the intimate table he booked for that night.

"What can I say? You're irresistible, Jack." She wined at him, being so happy and giddy that it went to her head and she felt like she didn't even need the wine.

"So are you."

They enjoyed their getaway and the dinner and then Jack pulled her to the dance floor for a slow dance. She loved to feel his hands on her body, guiding her, leading the dance; to smell the cologne on his neck and to hear his heart beating so close to hers. She truly felt like she was in heaven and she was never more in love than during those times. All their problems, Kate's trial, meeting Claire's mother, leaving their friends behind, Hurley checking into psychiatric hospital, all of that flew away from their heads in moments like these. Moments so fleeting, yet so precious.

"You look gorgeous in this dress," Jack whispered into her ear, causing her whole body to shiver.

"You should see what I'm wearing underneath," she teased him, noticing with satisfaction that his breathing sped up.

"Well, what do you say we'll finally go back to our room, then?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she joked.

A few minutes later, they left the restaurant and decided to talk a walk back to their hotel. The night wasn't cold at all and it was nice to get some fresh air. Little did Alice know that Jack had a hidden agenda in suggesting not taking a car. Once they took a walk through a park and didn't see anyone near them, he stopped and she looked up at him, surprised to see him standing in her way and reaching to his pocket.

"Jack? What are you doing?" she asked, not understanding his behavior. At least until he suddenly got on one knee, that was, and until he showed her what was in the small box he took out of that pocket.

"I'm not sure of many things in my life, Alice," he started when looking up at her with tears in his eyes and soon enough, she had them in hers, too. "But I am sure of you, of us. I am certain that I love you and that I never want us to be apart. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" he then asked and she gasped, suddenly speechless.

Only then she thought that he was waiting for her answer and he was still kneeling, so she swallowed and said in a hoarse voice, "Yes. Yes, of course I will!" After the first word, the rest flooded from her mouth like a stream and she was rewarded with a bright, happy smile appearing on Jack's face.

He stood up and before he managed to put the ring on her finger, before she actually took a closer look at it since she was too busy looking at her now fiancé, she raised on her toes, put her arms around his neck and kissed him with all her might, showing him how happy and how much in love she was. She was drinking him in, her senses being invaded with all that was his: his smell, his strong body next to hers, his heat, his mouth and his breath… And when they pulled away, they both needed a moment to catch some air.

Finally, she looked down, seeing the most perfect and beautiful ring she'd ever seen. Not that it was big or intricate. It was simple with one diamond, but she loved it because it hit the bull's eyes with what she would like to have as a engagement ring. She was actually touched that Jack knew her so well and bought exactly this ring. He could afford more, but he got her exactly what she was dreaming of. Even the surrounding was perfect since as they were known as ones of the famous Oceanic Seven, engagement in public restaurant would only end with their pictures in the papers. Jack clearly thought of everything.

"I love you so much," she said when he slid the small beauty on her finger.

"And I love you," he responded and kissed her again, this time softly, gently, nearly caressing her lips with his, showing her how much he meant what he said, cherishing her and this moment with her.

Next thing they knew, they were at their apartment in the hotel and resumed their kissing, then slowly got rid of their clothes and Jack finally had the chance to see the black lacy lingerie Alice wore that day just for him. And he appreciated her body slowly when taking it off, nearly driving her crazy until they were finally naked and he entered her. They needed to make this night meaningful, they didn't feel like going fast or doing anything out of the ordinary, they were just slowly making love to each other when looking into each other's eyes. And this way they reached their completion.

* * *

Kate's trail was like an unpleasant comeback to reality. Barely did they get home, they had to figure out what to say in court and make sure both their stories matched. Jack didn't really have any problems with lying about what had happened on the island since he was the one who'd done most of the talking during the conference, but Alice was another story. Yet, with his help and patience, she perfected her speech, so it didn't seem like she was actually thinking hard on what she was going to say, she just did it as though it was the most natural thing in the world, as though it was all true.

"Did you know about miss Austen's criminal past once you met her?" the question was directed towards Jack.

Alice had already testified as they asked if she could go first. If she made a mistake anywhere, Jack could adjust it into his speech, but they knew it wouldn't be so easy the other way around.

"Yes, she mentioned it," Jack admitted.

"What did you think?"

"Honestly? I thought it must've been some kind of a mistake."

"And why is that, doctor Shephard?"

Alice got nervous. Hadn't they asked her a very similar question already? They really were working hard to catch them on even the smallest mistake.

"Miss Austen was the one who saved us all. She took us out of the water and gave us the first aid. I was unconscious at the time, so I couldn't do anything."

"Mhmmm…" the lawyer murmured. "Mr. Shephard, what is your relation with miss Austen?"

"Excuse me?" Jack seemed surprised and not only he. Alice opened her eyes widely as well.

"Are you two involved somehow? Maybe you were involved."

"No. We were never involved. In fact, back on the island I started a relationship with my present fiancée, miss Stevens."

Kate's lawyer hadn't been fooling around when he'd warned them about the trial. It seemed incomprehensible that the prosecutor could ever think that Jack's relationship with Alice was a sham to cover up his real relationship with Kate. Alice wasn't sure he and Kate would even come up with something so complicated if they were really together.

Finally, Jack was free and he joined Alice on the bench with relief, immediately taking her hand.

They were all even more relieved when Kate's mother actually refused to testify and without her, Kate had a very small chance of being found guilty. She eventually signed an agreement with the prosecutor that she wouldn't leave the state and agreed to a period of probation. Just like that it was all over and Alice could finally ask Kate to be her maid of honor. She and Jack were planning to get married right away, after all.

* * *

"…and I promise you to always be there for you, to never leave you. I will always be who and what you'll need. I will be your love, your best friend, your partner in life and your reason to live." Jack truly didn't know where those words had come from when he'd once again been trying to write his vows. This time it went smoothly and he said exactly what he wanted to say to Alice, what he wanted to promise her and what she should hear. Maybe it was a proof that he should've never married Sara, but what was done was done. He could only be happy that he'd finally found the right woman, the one for him.

They got married in a small but cozy chapel that seemed to be just right for them. Someone had suggested that they should get marry on the beach, but they'd quickly abandoned that idea, having had enough of sand and water for a whole lifetime.

They weren't many people present, just the closest ones, but it was enough for them. Jack's mother and grandfather were there and Kate with Aaron. Sun was in Korea, now controlling her father's company and she couldn't come that week. Hugo was still in a psychiatric hospital and Sayid was somewhere, travelling with Nadia.

As they finished their vows and sealed their relationship with a kiss, Jack thought of another gift he wanted to give his now wife. He was going to tell her that he was ready to try and become a father. Their family was very small even with his mother and Kate with his nephew in it, so maybe they could have that child Alice always wanted. She didn't say anything and she was perfectly fine with him not wanting to rush things too much for which he loved her even more, but he figured he was finally ready. She made him believe that he could love and raise their child and be a good father while doing it.


	18. Chapter 18 sawyer

She should have known that something was wrong, Alice thought. She truly should have. And maybe she did. Still, the truth was much more shocking than what she'd initially anticipated.

Maybe she'd known it back on the island the moment Juliet had told her that she wasn't pregnant. How could she not get pregnant there if even Sun's previously infertile husband managed to make a baby? Back then the odds had been definitely in Alice's favor. Yet, nothing happened. Still, it could've. It _could have._

She kind of suspected already that she would never be able to start a family with Jack and it turned out that it wasn't even her fault.

Months were flying as and they were trying for a baby. She wasn't pushy or obsessed with having sex all the time just to get pregnant. They simply didn't use any birth control and decided to wait and see what would happen. Only nothing happened, so at some point Alice decided to get tested. She didn't tell Jack just yet. First she just needed to know for herself, although deep down inside she seemed to already.

Yet, she was shocked when the doctor told her she was completely healthy and very fertile. In fact, she should have no problems getting pregnant whatsoever and if she hadn't after such a long period of time, the specialist told her to get her husband to examine himself since the problem probably lay with him.

She was just sitting there in her doctor's office, hearing what he was saying but not really listening. He told her that even if her husband proved to be infertile like it was already suspected, there were other methods. And she was sure they were. If it turned out Jack couldn't be helped, they could adopt. They could use a surrogate… they could…

Only none of it seemed to matter since Alice was pretty sure she knew exactly what Jack's reaction would be.

* * *

She couldn't focus on anything once she got back home, so eventually she just settled on sitting down and waiting for Jack. An hour passed by… then another… eventually she cracked open a bottle of wine and sipped the liquor slowly, waiting for her husband to come back home, waiting to relay the bad news. She was scared and she knew she had the grounds to be. The truth was that they both with Jack had been lying to themselves and each other for a very long time now. He claimed he was ready to become a father, yet she could tell it was just something he decided to do for her alone. She knew deep down inside that he didn't really want a child. Soon enough, every time they had sex she could feel something changing. It should bring them closer, yet they seemed to be drifting apart and the only thing that kept Alice sane, the only thing that kept on the charade was the hope that she might soon get pregnant and then she was sure everything would change.

Now that seemed to be out of the question.

She almost jumped, startled as the key rattled in the lock and Jack entered the apartment. She'd been so immersed into her own thoughts that she even forgot she was waiting for him.

"Hi," he said, clearly not noticing the state she was in just yet. It wasn't until he walked into the living room and saw her expression that he finally asked, "Is there something wrong?"

She just put the glass she was holding in her hand on the table and faced him, opening her mouth and spilling everything. She didn't hide a thing when she relay all the information to him, including the advice the doctor had given her that Jack should get tested as soon as possible.

When she finished, there was silence and Jack was sitting by her side, reaching for the glass she put away and drinking the rest of the wine from there in one gulp.

He hid it well. Almost _too_ well. But she still noticed.

"Alice, that's nothing," he finally said when looking at her. "We'll be just fine."

" _We'll be just fine_?" she repeated after him like a parrot. "Is that really all you have to say to me?" she couldn't possibly play this game any longer. She couldn't pretend that everything was all right when it clearly wasn't. "Jack, this is our future we're talking about here. We should discuss this and make a decision."

"We already have a future, Alice," he said in a tone that was a little patronizing and she hated that. "We've always had one. It will just change now."

He reached for her, but she moved away from him. She just couldn't believe him. Was this really the same man she'd fallen in love with on the island? The man who saved her life? Prevented her own suicide? Why couldn't he just give her the one thing that she wanted so badly? It wasn't as though she was asking for the moon! And it wasn't even what he said that was the worst. She could actually explain it by him being in a slight shock. She knew it might take a while for him to fully accept that there was something wrong with him and finally find a way to fix it. No, it wasn't that. The worst was the look on his face the moment she said that they might never conceive a child, but they couldn't know for sure until his examination. That one look destroyed everything for her and put them miles apart in an instant.

It was relief.

It was hope.

"So… you're not even going to get tested?" she asked in a voice that didn't even sound like hers.

"Alice…"

"No, I can't." She pushed him away when instead of answering her and telling her what she wanted to hear so desperately, he moved closer, trying to put his arms around her again.

It didn't work this time as well and she was soon on her feet, grabbing her coat and reaching the door.

"Alice, don't be like this. Where are you even going?"

"To see a friend," she said spitefully, really needing someone else than Jack to talk to.

"Last time I checked he didn't make it out of the island," he had the audacity to point out and Alice whirled around, not able to believe the hatred he managed to fit into that sentence.

"Are you even serious right now?!" she snapped.

"I'm dead serious. I know that you would've jumped from that chopper after him if I hadn't stopped you!" he screamed at her when standing up and facing her.

"How dare you?! I was trying to be the supportive and patient wife here, but you're just not making it easy on me, are you?! I pretended you were enough, Jack, but the truth is that you're not! There! I said it! I want a child! I do! My whole family died and I just need this! Why don't you just get tested and then we can breech the subject again?!"

"You already have family! ME!" he roared when spreading his arms, his chest raising and falling rapidly.

"Jack."

"I'm the one who saved your life over and _over_ again!" he kept on yelling. "I'm the one who got you out of the island! _I'm_ the one who saved you! _I'm_ the one who's here!"

"No, right now you're not," she finally spoke, this time her voice coming back to normal as though she was already tired of fighting him. "You're not and don't you dare holding you saving me against me. I never asked you to. That was your decision, Jack, yours and no one else's." After having said that, she turned around and walked out the door.

* * *

It seemed like she'd been wandering the streets for hours. She didn't know what to do and who to talk to. She wasn't sure she wanted to try and talk to Jack just yet, if ever, so somehow she ended up at Kate's. She really needed to talk to a friend and Jack was right - the first person she thought of was actually James, but that just wasn't possible as he was still on the island. She'd abandoned him like all the others and it only added up to the pain she felt in her heart. There were days she missed him so much she couldn't breathe. Of course it wasn't like she was going to tell that to Jack, knowing full well how he would react – or much likely _over_ react.

"Alice? What happened?" Kate asked once she opened the door and just then Alice realized she was crying. "Did something happen to Jack?"

Alice shook her head as she stepped into her friend's house.

"Then what is it? Talk to me."

Alice walked into Kate's living room and just sat there on the couch.

"Where's Aaron?" she asked first.

"I put him to sleep. Alice, talk to me, please. You're scaring me," Kate pleaded when squatting right next to her friend and looking up at her.

That was the moment Alice actually realized it was really late. Jack would soon start to worry about her, but she didn't care enough to retrieve her phone from her purse and switch it from vibrations to a loud mode. He deserved to suffer for everything he'd said to her.

"I think I knew something was wrong ever since it didn't happen for me on the island," Alice finally started to explain, but needless to say, Kate still didn't understand a thing. "I just thought it was me. How silly of us, women, hah?" She nearly laughed. "We always think a problem, whatever it is, lies with us when in fact…"

"What are you…?" Kate tried asking again when sitting next to her friend.

"I never got pregnant on the island and I should have," Alice finally cleared it out.

"But it doesn't mean anything." Kate shrugged.

"The probabilities don't matter here anymore, Kate. I went to see my doctor. I'm perfectly healthy and he suspects that Jack may not be able to have kids."

"Oh," Kate said, "but I'm sure Jack will be fine," she then added, trying to make Alice feel better. "And you have Aaron and you can always adopt. There are a million ways to get a child these days, Alice. You shouldn't get discouraged just because…"

"Oh, sure, Jack _will_ be fine," Alice admitted with a nod. "He never wanted a kid anyway."

"Alice…"

"It's true. He thought he was ready, but once he heard the truth… The relief on his face was awful, Kate, just awful and I'm not sure I can do this with him if he stays this way."

"Alice," Kate's voice hardened now and she looked her friend in the eye, "not being able to conceive a baby isn't the end of the world. You and Jack survived the island where you could easily die. We managed to get out and that all that matters. The rest doesn't. Not really. You will figure everything out, I'm sure of it. Just give him some time."

"You're not helping, you know," Alice said, not at all comforted by Kate's words. "I just…" she sighed. "I know marriage is supposed to be about compromise, but…" she shook her head and then tears glistered in her eyes, "I have this _need_ to become a mother. I lost my entire family and before that…" she smiled through the tears when she remembered how it'd used to be for her, "we were all so happy and we liked to spend time together. I know this sound crazy and you probably think that _we_ were one crazy family, but it's true. I miss them every single day of my life and I miss all the people we left behind as they quickly became a family to me, too. I miss Sawyer and Claire and God, even John! I just… the only thing that kept me sane, that prevented me from losing my mind when I knew they were all out there somewhere and on the contrary to my parents and my sister, they weren't dead and maybe suffering…" Alice closed her eyes and sniffed, "it was the hope that I may be able to bring a new human being into this world and give them all the love I have. Jack… Jack isn't enough." Alice was sobbing by now as the realization hit her. Jack was not enough to make her happy even though she loved him and he'd saved her.

"I understand that you wanted to have kids because all the family you have is Jack, but I am your family, too," Kate told then as she truly didn't know what else to say. "And Aaron," she added.

"Thank you," Alice just said and hugged the woman, needing a physical contact with someone, needing comfort, but in the same time she didn't want it from her husband. "Thank you for trying to make me feel better, but it's still not enough, Kate and I know I should hate myself for even saying it."

"No, it's ok," Kate assured her when stroking her back. "I understand. Before Aaron…" she sighed when pulling away, "I never knew how amazing being a mother could be. I wouldn't change a thing. I love this little boy as my own and it's killing me that he has a grandmother that doesn't even know he exists."

"Maybe you should just tell her," Alice blurted out, suddenly feeling tired of everything. Tired of secrets, of lying, of not even trying to help those left behind on the island. For the first time she actually thought that maybe Hugo was the one who was right. Maybe they shouldn't have lied. Maybe they should've tried to find the island again and help those left behind.

* * *

Alice found it hard to believe that so much could change over one day, over one _issue._ Or maybe there were more issues as Jack himself had stated the other night and she just hadn't realized he felt that way. Not that she was ready to put his mind to rest. He didn't deserve that after everything he'd done and said. Nevertheless, the truth was that things between them had been slowly changing for a while now and it just now started to show, to create this breech between them. She was worried as they just couldn't seem to talk. Once she got back home from Kate's, she found a nearly empty bottle of whisky and Jack asleep on the couch just where she'd left him. It stung that he hadn't even tried to look for her and instead taken to drinking in order to deal with the situation. Then again, she might be able to make her peace with that if only he drunk himself into a stupor because it seemed like his body didn't work right, as the problem of them not being able to conceive was his fault. But she wouldn't fool herself like that. He was drinking for an entirely different reason and then the next day he refused to even talk to her about it when just getting up, taking a shower and leaving for the hospital. Was that how their marriage was supposed to look like from now on? She wondered, marveling at how drastically things could change. Once they'd been out of the island, they'd been so in love, so happy to be back in LA, back to their lives. Only had they, really? Or maybe they'd been living in a bubble, walking in a dream, tying to deal as best as they could with the new reality? Trying to find distractions that would prevent them from feeling too guilty about leaving their friends behind?

Just when Alice thought it couldn't get any worse as the silent treatment Jack had been giving her – or maybe they'd been giving it to each other – continued, she found an empty box of pills that Jack must've taken and she got scared. Why would he be in a need of them anyway? He came back home later than usual and she knew he'd put on extra hours at the hospital as there was always a new emergency. The news about Sayid's wife's death and Hugo refusing anyone who wanted to visit were bad as well. It seemed like even though they were back, they couldn't find happiness no matter how hard they tried.

* * *

For Jack it was about much more than just a child he didn't want and wasn't even able to conceive. It was everything that had been happening recently. He seemed to be getting further away from his wife, but it wasn't because he wanted to. He worked longer hours to forget, to not be afraid, to repel all the feelings and dreams and visions he seemed to be having. But yes, a child - or rather its lack - and the relief he felt and hated himself for more than anything, was also a part of it. How were they supposed to have a kid now anyway? He was a mess. The truth that he didn't want to burden Alice with, was that he wasn't all right. He didn't want her to see that. He wanted her to think he was ok. She'd lost and worried too much already just to have to be worried about one more thing – his mental health. Because how could he be healthy? _How_ if he kept on seeing his dead father everywhere he went? He couldn't sleep, needing drugs for that. He was being haunted by visions of Claire calling him brother and asking where her baby was.

To everyone else, he was fine, maybe just a little bit overwhelmed by everything that had happened in his private life recently – at least he wanted Alice to think so. Inside, he was a crumbling mess.

He just couldn't seem to come to terms with the fact that he'd so carelessly left his own sister on the island. He couldn't know who she really was at the time, but still, he left all of them there. He was the one to tell the rest they should lie. It was all his fault. Maybe he should have listened to Hurley. Maybe then his conscience wouldn't lay on him so heavily.

Right now he was talking to the only person he thought could understand him as she was actually raising Aaron, his nephew by pretending to be his mother. It never occurred to him that maybe he should tell his wife everything. He wanted to shield her from it, to protect her, because no matter how hard he tried to believe her that she was all right and strong, all he saw when looking at her was this vulnerable woman who'd come so close to killing herself on the island. It was the woman he'd inexplicably wanted from the moment he'd laid his eyes on her before he even knew who she was and he couldn't possibly let her die, wanting her so badly, _needing_ her in his life and needing her light even though it'd been deemed at that darkest moment of her life. Somehow Alice made everything seem brighter and better with just her presence and attitude.

So why the hell was he just kissing Kate? He wondered, both drunk and high on pills he'd never stopped taking. Why the hell didn't he stop himself when she kissed him back? Why did he want her? Why?

 _Why_? He asked himself one last time when somehow they lost all of their clothes and he slid inside her, not even bothered by using a condom since he couldn't have children anyway. It was something he'd actually tested, but never told Alice.

* * *

Alice could feel it even without the gift she'd had back on the island. The end of the blissful life she'd been having with Jack was coming to an end. In fact, it'd been happening over the last few months. She didn't know how they even got here. How could they just lose their communication like this. Ever since she found that empty pill bottle, she kept on noticing the little things she'd somehow missed before - the circles under Jack's eyes, the sleepless nights, his unsteady pace, him fidgeting in bed during the nights and then him not being there at all. And tonight the hospital called, asking for Mrs. Shephard and making sure everything was all right with her husband, telling her that maybe he needed help. It wasn't pleasant for Alice to be on the receiving end of this conversation. She actually felt ashamed that Jack's coworkers got as far as calling her. This changed everything. She was no longer hiding, no longer avoiding the subject. She was going to confront Jack tonight.

Once he got back home, he seemed even more out of it than ever before or maybe Alice had just been so blind that she hadn't noticed. Maybe she didn't want to. All the ifs and maybes were killing her. She barely asked what was happening, what was wrong, why he was so distant, why he looked so haunted and she met with denial. Of course he would deny it all. Of course he would say it was nothing and that he was fine. He was too proud to admit anything else, she knew him too well. Or maybe not well enough.

"Jack, if you didn't want kids, you should've just said something," she finally told him when sighing deeply, tired of them arguing over nothing. Tired of not getting any answers. "Maybe if you start talking to me about what's going on with you, we might still save us?"

"Save us? Alice, can't you see…?" he stopped for a moment, tears welling up in his eyes. It was also the first time she noticed his whole body slightly shaking, his _hands_ shaking. "There's no saving for us. There never really was," he said and she shot him a surprised look. Was he talking about them? Together? In a relationship? Was he really giving up?

"Wait… What… What are you saying?" she asked carefully, putting her hands in front of her body as though she was trying to shield herself, but there was no shielding from the blow that went straight to her heart with his next words. Nothing could ever shield her from that.

"I'm a mess. And yes, I was relieved when you told me I might not be able to have kids. Is this what you wanted to hear?!" he raised his voice. "Did you really want to hear that I was happy that we couldn't have a baby?! That I was relieved because I wouldn't become my father and through that I kind of became just that?! And then…" He just shook his head. "Then it all went to hell."

"Jack, I don't…" She had to wipe the tears from her face. "I don't understand. Please, help me understand what happened then."

He just shook his head in response, remaining silent, not wanting to burden her with his problems, not wanting her to think he was going crazy and refusing to break her heart with the whole truth about what he'd done.

"Jack, I am sure that no matter what, you'd be an amazing father," she tried a different approach.

"Stop!" he screamed and she actually did, for the first time terrified of the strength of his voice. "Just stop!" he pleaded her, now crying as well, but his tone was still high.

And then… then he did something that broke Alice's heart into million pieces. He just turned around and left, slamming the door behind him. For a moment she thought he'd come back in the morning once he'd cool off, but somehow, deep down inside it felt final. It felt… unsalvageable. Like they were really over.

Were they…?

* * *

He didn't come home the next day. And the next. And the next. And the one after that, too.

She tried calling and texting, but never received any answer.

She missed him. Without him, she had no one. She thought that maybe she could help him just as he'd once helped her. She wanted to do just that, but it was all for nothing if he didn't want to be helped.

After a week, she stopped trying reaching her hand out to him. She'd cried enough and she decided not to cry anymore. She would not be so eager to forgive once he came back around either. It would take a lot of time and work from his side. Only… was he _ever_ going to come back? Then again, why wouldn't he? Even though they were married now, so whatever was his was hers and vice verse, the apartment had been his even before. Why would he want to just give it up?

Alice really needed to talk to someone and she thought of James again. She'd been in denial all this time. She'd kept on pushing the thoughts of those left behind away, but the truth was that once she let it all in, once she let go of all the happiness – or maybe _distraction,_ her evil mind provided - with Jack that she'd been holding on to maybe a little too much, she felt terribly lonely and guilty. She was worried about James and the rest. She was worried about Claire. For the first time since she'd gotten out, she actually wished for her gift to come back so she could know if the people she loved were all right, including Jack and maybe even Kate. Once Alice thought of Sawyer, she usually called Kate and talked to her instead, but recently the woman had been busy and kind of out of everything, acting strange and avoiding any meetings. Because of that, Alice was left completely alone. Calling Jack's mother wouldn't feel right as well as she didn't want to worry the woman. Jack had already divorced once, so Mrs. Shephard didn't need to think he was going to do it again.

It was exactly at this vulnerable for Alice time that she opened the door for no one else but John Locke.

When she saw him, for a moment she just stood there, not believing her own eyes. Was this really John? If so, what happened? How had he even gotten out of the island?!

"John?" Her voice finally returned. "Oh my God! John! What are you doing here?!" she asked, a million questions popping up in her head at once.

"Hello, Alice," he said politely and just smiled. "May I come in?"

"Of course. Of course," she said and opened the door wider for him.

"Please, refer to me as Jeremy Bentham from now on. No one can know I'm here."

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked and once she provided the glass of water he wanted, she sat down with him in the living room and asked what she was dying to know, "So… John…"

"They're fine," he answered before she even formed the question. "At least they were… moderately fine when I left."

"Did James…?"

"He swam back to the island. He's alive."

"Thank God!" Alice breathed out in relief. "And he's still on the island?" she made sure.

"They are all still on the island, Alice and they need our help."

She frowned when she heard that.

"What do you mean they need our help?"

"I made my way back for one reason only and that is to get you all back to there."

For a moment she thought he was joking, but then when he didn't say anything else and his face remained dead serious, Alice felt a shiver running down her spine. Her initial reaction was denial. She didn't want to come back to that hellhole, but then she thought that she'd already wished she could've helped those left behind, so maybe _this_ was how.

"Who's coming back with you so far?" was all she asked.

"For now?" John only sighed which pretty much told her everything.

"Can you really blame them, John? No one wants to get back to the island… Can't we…?" she hesitated. "Can't we just help them from afar? We could get them back here and get them new identities and…" she started eagerly.

"That's not how this works, Alice," John simply said. "And Jack already forbid me to see you."

"You talked to Jack?" that piqued her interest.

"Yes. And he is a mess. I told him he can find his purpose again. All he needs to do is come back there. _All_ of you need to do that."

"Don't you dare!" Alice raised her voice and actually stood up, towering over John's still sitting figure. She felt so terribly torn between helping Jack and actually taking a leap of faith and going back to the island. Only that wouldn't help her husband, would it? Giving him something else to fix would be just like an actual _fix_ for a drug addict. "Don't you dare talking Jack into doing it! Do you understand me?! I'm already struggling to help him and getting him back to the island will only make things worse!"

"Alice, calm down…" John said and also stood up, raising his hands up as though he was surrendering. "I'm just trying…"

"You're not trying to do shit!" she screamed, surprising even herself. That sentence was more in James's style than hers. Well, she really missed him like hell. "Why don't you just tell me how they _really_ are? How have they been all this time on the island?!"

"Come back with me and you'll find out."

Alice actually laughed right into John's face.

"I would like for you to leave this apartment, John." She was too rattled to listen to him, too torn between doing what was right and what she wanted. The problem was that she wasn't sure which was which. Was doing the right thing staying behind and helping Jack or going to the island? And speaking of what she wanted…

"You'll understand it one day and then it'll be too late. Your friends will already be dead," Locke tried one more time as he moved to the door.

His hand was on the knob and he was almost leaving when Alice remembered something. Who else was better to answer her questions than him anyway?

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Of course," he agreed. She felt bad that he was so nice and she didn't return the favor, but then again, first she needed to calm down. She needed time alone to think. Then she would get back in touch. If she wanted to, that was.

"John, if the island heals… why didn't it heal Jack?"

"What do you mean, Alice?" he asked. "Was he sick?"

"He can't… He can't have kids," she confessed. She wasn't sure she was doing the right think in relaying that information to John, but she _really_ needed to know. "So why… why couldn't I get pregnant on the island? Sun and Jin did."

John thought for a moment and then he simply said, "Maybe the island had bigger plans for you, Alice. Maybe it didn't want you to get pregnant because all the women there die."

"And that's your answer, John? That's nothing."

"I don't know everything. I really wish you all the best, Alice. I wish I was wrong, too, but unfortunately for all of you, you need to get back and I think you will sooner or later." After that he left and Alice was just left immersed into her troubling thoughts.

* * *

 _That's nothing_ , Alice thought over those words over and over again. It was the last thing she'd ever said to him. The last thing she'd ever say. Because this morning she read an obituary in the paper. An obituary for Jeremy Bentham. John was dead. Did he really think that it would take death for them all to come back? Alice wondered whether there was another reason to his suicide. Did he lose his will to live? Had everybody said no? She was pretty sure that it was the case. Still, for now she had worse problems, her decision about going or staying would have to wait if that was even an option now that Locke was gone. Jack's mother called her today and asked about her son. Apparently, he had been seen drunk in the pharmacy where Mrs. Shephard's friend worked and she informed that not only Jack was drunk, but he was also trying to get highly addictive pills with a prescription he'd written himself. Alice's mother-in-law was worried and Alice was just terrified and felt lost, because it seemed as though her worst fears were coming true. She'd been afraid before that eventually Jack would pick up after his father and he was still drinking and taking drugs. She didn't like his newly-developed destructive behavior and didn't know how to help him.

* * *

Jack was standing on the bridge, looking down and wondering how it would be like to just jump. It was as though he needed a catastrophe, even one in which he would lose his life. He kept on flying commercial airlines to Sydney and then coming back, hoping one of those planes would crash. It'd all happened long before Locke paid him a visit, but somehow it got worse after that. This morning he read Bentham's obituary and felt so helpless. He'd used to be the hero, he'd used to fix things and now he seemed to break them. When standing on that bridge, he was thinking of Alice and of their broken relationship. He screwed up too much, he knew it. She'd been getting further and further away from him with every day he didn't talk to her and instead just kept coming back to Kate. And now… now it was just too late. He could feel it.

He decided to jump. He would just throw himself down when thinking of her and their happy moments. He already raised one leg, standing only on the other one when he heard a crash and then screaming,

Apparently, his suicide would have to wait. He needed to help the people in that car.

* * *

Alice thought nothing worse could happen that day, but there it was. She received a call from the hospital, saying that her husband was in a car accident. They didn't give her any details, didn't tell her that he wasn't in the car, that he wasn't injured.

She didn't think about it. She just drove to the hospital and ran to the room in which Jack was supposed to be in. The nurse already notified her that her husband was actually the hero and they only had to take care of the cut on his forehead that he'd gotten when taking a woman out of the burning car. A car which could've blown up any second, Alice thought and shivered.

"Jack!" she called his name when she pushed the door open. She forgot that they hadn't been speaking for a very long time and that she was the one who tried to contact him and not the other way around. She realized all of that once she saw him sitting on the cot. She was actually scared because he looked like a wreck of the man she'd used to love. He had a beard and the circles under his bloodshot eyes had only grown bigger and somehow he seemed out of it as though he never stopped being on drugs or drunk. "Jack… why didn't you want to talk to me? They only called me because I'm your emergency contact."

"I… I guess I didn't want you to see me like this. I wanted to get better… on my own," he mumbled and she barely understood him.

"You need help, Jack, the kind of that you can't possibly provide for yourself."

"I'm a doctor!" he raised his voice, which only proved to her how derailed he actually was.

"Really? Because they told me they forced you to go on a leave. They actually threatened to take your license, Jack!"

He didn't react, didn't even look her in the eye, ashamed that she saw him in this condition. Good, she thought with satisfaction. Good, maybe that would force him to do something with himself, to seek help. Only she wasn't the person who could do that for him anymore. Maybe if he'd reached out to her before, but not now. Now he needed a specialist.

She directed herself to the door because she had her pride. She would not beg him to talk to her, she would not ask him to seek help one more time. He'd hurt her and he hadn't called or come back home all this time. She was done chasing after him because soon enough she'd lose all her self-respect. She would not chase after a man like this, she thought with tears welling up in her eyes, realizing that she didn't even know him anymore.

As she turned to the door, she said one more thing, "Please, do not become your father. Don't become the one thing you always despised. It really breaks my heart, Jack." Then she simply left.

She held on as she walked through the hall. She held on when she took the elevator down and as she left the hospital. It was only when she got to her car and locked herself safely inside that she burst out crying, feeling her heart breaking once again. Maybe this time Jack simply shattered it.

* * *

Before Jack left the hospital, he wanted to check on the woman he'd saved and was stopped by another doctor, a much younger one, which he noticed with despise. That rookie had the audacity to tell him that the woman was not Jack's patient. Jack shouldn't even be in this hospital, at least not as a doctor.

"No, no!" Jack protested violently. "She is my patient and I want to operate!" After he said that, he actually staggered, which only made him feel worse and more ashamed.

That was when the rookie told him, "Doctor Shephard… what were you even doing on that bridge? The woman whom life you saved said that she only lost control over that car because she saw a man standing on the ledge, trying to jump. Now, Jack… how did you get there so fast?"

Suddenly, Jack felt sick. He didn't say anything back to the younger doctor, he just directed himself to the exit and left the hospital.

Wasn't that exactly the same thing his father did? He thought as he caught a taxi. His father had operated while drunk and it cost a young woman her life. What more, that woman was Alice's sister. Was Jack really like his father now? Was Alice right when she told him that?

* * *

Seeing Bentham's dead body and then Linus appearing was like a catharsis to Jack. He seemed to have found a new purpose, something to do. He was going to go back, but it wasn't only because of his half-sister, Claire. It was because he had nothing else living for. He lost Alice and his job. Next, he would either succeed in committing suicide or just come back to save everyone who was left behind. And he couldn't just kill himself. He saw now what that would do to Alice.

He came back to his motel room and sat heavily on the bed, hiding his face in his hands and crying. Right now, when he finally made his decision, he actually wanted to come back home. He wanted to change. So badly. So much. He so badly wanted to be with Alice again and to make her happy, not sad. The look he saw on her face and in her eyes today would probably haunt him forever. Unless he'd do something about it. Only then again, what could he really do? Could he really just go back to what they'd had? He doubted that very much because of everything _he_ had done. He needed something else. He needed a purpose. A calling. He needed… probably something to fix. And that was why he found himself that something. Or it found him. It didn't really matter.

Still, he need to apologize first. He owed her at least that much.

So he picked up the phone and called her. And then he asked her to see him.


	19. Chapter 19 sawyer

He just needed to see her. He knew it wouldn't be to come back to her. It was too late for that and he couldn't be fixed that easily, nor could he take back all the things he'd done. Not this time. He just needed to say he was sorry and he needed to tell her what he was about to do so she wouldn't look for him. She deserved that closure.

She drove over to the marine just as he asked her to. His heart was already pounding in his chest because he knew he was going to see her again. Maybe it would be the last time, some nasty voice in his head whispered, but he disregarded it, trying to enjoy this little moment with her he was about to have.

She was beautiful when she stepped out of the car and he felt as though they were terribly mismatched. Was he really her husband? She was wearing a long coat, had her make up on, a skirt and high heels. He had old pair of jeans on him, a white undershirt and an old jacket carelessly put over it. He didn't even feel cold. He was just broken.

Once she came closer and stood right in front of him, he could see the sadness marring her beauty, or maybe not. She was and would always be beautiful to him, but he'd rather see her smile. He'd caused her to smile so many times and now he hated himself for doing just the opposite.

"You're not speaking to me for weeks, then I get a call that you were in an accident and you don't speak to me again. And _now_ you want to meet? Why, Jack?" she asked, her voice sounding tired.

She was exhausted because of him, because she didn't know where they stood or if they were even together. She felt stuck, having no idea where to go, how to plan her future that he'd so carelessly ruined. And he didn't know what to tell her. He wasn't ready to let her go, but maybe that was the right thing to do and God knew he had trouble with that part, holding on obsessively until he didn't even know anymore why he was doing so. Then again, that was why he'd called her and asked to meet him, wasn't it? "Why here? Why didn't you just come home?" she kept on asking, throwing one question after the other and he truly didn't know what to say.

He couldn't tell her the truth. The truth was that he was weak and destroyed everything that was supposed to mean anything to him. The truth was that once he told her what he'd done, he would only hurt her more.

"I just needed to see you," he finally settled on saying.

"So you said already. Over the phone. Jack," she spoke his name and stopped, then closed her eyes for a moment and sighed heavily. "What are you doing to yourself? You need to pull yourself together. You called me and you're speaking to me, so that's progress, but you need to meet me half-way here. I want to help you."

"I didn't want to meet to ask for help," he told her. "I wanted to meet to say goodbye."

For a moment there, Alice seemed shocked, but then she recovered and asked, "Why? Do you really want to end this marriage like this? Tell me you don't love me anymore and maybe then I'll believe you," her voice grew bitter, bordering on resentfulness. At least this was better than crying, Alice thought, but still, she couldn't stop her eyes from getting a little bit wet, marveling at the fact that things could've gone down the hill so fast. She thought that what they'd had was stronger than this.

"It's not about that," Jack said then and she frowned, not understanding anything anymore. "I'm going back, Alice. I'm going back to the island."

And here she thought him saying they were over would be a surprise.

"What?!" she nearly screamed. "Are you crazy?! Well, wait, let me take that question back, because you obviously are!"

"Calm down, Alice. I just…"

"Don't tell me to calm down! Locke got to you, didn't he? He visited you just like he visited me!"

"I'm not asking you to go with me. I would never want that for you, but…" Jack just shook his head. "I don't care if we all need to come back. I won't ask you this."

"How dare you?" her voice came back to normal as she took a deep breath, lost in troubling thoughts. Apparently, the secret of how to get back to the island hadn't died with Locke and there was still a chance to do the right thing. Only Jack would never take her with him. He was only set on self-destruction as it seemed. He'd used to want to fix things and now he was doing just the opposite. Or maybe in his opinion, he _was_ trying to fix things. "Jack, you're not well enough to help anyone else. _You_ are the one needing help right now and I mean professional," she tried to reason with him.

"No," he denied, shaking his head. "This is how I can help myself. I can save them. I feel like it's my…"

She actually raised a hand and slapped him across the face when hearing this.

"You used to say there was no such thing as destiny, Jack! That you made your own luck! What happened to that? What made you change so much?!" When he still didn't answer, she just asked, "Who's going to save _you_ in the end, Jack? What will be left in your life once you get the others back?" her voice wavered and when he still refused to talk, she just shook her head, brushing the tears from her face. "You know, I thought Locke was crazy, but I think I got it all backwards. Then again, he was always looking for something greater in life as well, looking for a purpose. And where did it get him? Where is he now?" the rhetorical question just hung in the air between them. "I really hope you realize your mistakes before you'll change into him. Goodbye."

She turned around and left, getting into her car and driving away. And she was even more shaken now than she'd been before seeing him. More hurt. More… everything. Was it so hard for Jack to just clean himself up from any drugs or alcohol and start fighting for her? Didn't he want them back together and happy? Why did he choose the more difficult alternative? Why was he coming back? Did finding out about Claire had gotten to him so much? If so, why wasn't he spending any time with Aaron? It was his nephew, after all.

Tears were flowing from Alice's eyes and suddenly, she saw a flash of light and heard a car horn. She panicked and screamed when that other vehicle barely managed to pass her by. She drove off the road and killed the engine, feeling her whole body shaking. Next thing she knew, her head was on the steering wheel and she cried even harder, having difficulties to even catch her breath.

She forced herself to sit straight, close her eyes and to just focus on breathing. Only breathing as they taught in yoga class. A deep breath in through the nose, a deep breath out through the mouth. She repeated that a few more times until she calmed herself down and was finally able to come back home. Only once she got there, she started crying all over again.

* * *

Alice was spread across the couch with a bottle of wine in her hands, yet she was reluctant to open it, torn between doing the right thing and just forgetting about the whole world and alleviating her pain by drinking.

She officially lost Jack. They were just over. She couldn't dissuade him from coming back and getting the help he needed instead. She was afraid what would become of him after the trip, after everyone else was safe. Still, she couldn't think about him right now as she herself had probably just a small window to go back as well. She couldn't risk asking Jack about the way back to the island since he would surely do everything in his power to stop her, including giving her the wrong info. If she couldn't trust him, that meant they really were over, weren't they? She didn't even know what she felt for him anymore. She was just hurt and confused and lost and… she needed to get out, to leave, she needed to leave his apartment since it didn't feel like her home anymore. It'd always been _his_ home. Her plan was to start a family and move to some cute little house in the suburbs. So what that it was a cliché? So what that she dreamt of a typical picket fence and a family? It didn't make her a weak person, just one who knew what she wanted. Only Jack said no and with that one word he hit the delete button on the whole future they could've had. Maybe it wasn't enough for him. Maybe starting a family and just working in the hospital wasn't enough anymore. Maybe he needed to become greater, to fix something else, a much bigger problem. Only eventually there would be nothing better to fix, no greater calling and all that would be left would be bitterness and an empty bottle and misery. Still, it wasn't as though she could make him realize that if he refused to listen.

No, that was a done deal. What she had to do now was to figure out how to come back to the island. She couldn't save her marriage, but there were still other people she could help and on the contrary to Jack, she was the right person for the job as she wasn't doing it for herself. She was doing it because it was the right thing to do.

She put the bottle of wine, still uncorked, aside. Instead, she reached for her phone, deciding to call every single one of the Oceanic Seven, excluding Jack. Someone _had_ to know something. Luckily for her, she hit a jackpot on the first try.

"Alice," Kate answered fast, but she seemed in a hurry somehow. "I was just about to call you!"

"Why? Did something happen?" Alice automatically asked.

"I…" Kate said and stopped. "I don't really know how to say this…"

"You're going back to the island," Alice realized right then and there.

"Yeah… How did you know? Wait, Jack talked to you, didn't he?"

"It wasn't pleasant," Alice admitted.

"What… what exactly did he say?" Kate wanted to know, her voice sounding nervous or even scared and it caused Alice to frown.

"He basically just said goodbye. Why?"

"Nothing," Kate dismissed her question quickly. "I'm just… sorry and I really need to…"

"How are you going to get back?" Alice asked, tired of this strange conversation, but really not interested in asking about the reason behind Kate's weird behavior.

"There's this woman, she's actually Faraday's mother, she knows which plane to take to land back on the island," Kate informed quickly. "Alice, I'm so sorry I need to say goodbye over the phone and I'm sorry I don't have time to explain it better to you, but…"

"Which plane?" Alice just asked, interrupting again and for a moment there was silence and then Kate finally gave her the needed information.

* * *

While Alice was packing her bag, a conversation she once had with her mother came to her mind.

 _"You'd be an amazing mother one day, Alice," Katherine Stevens said during one of their movie nights. Her sister was usually there, too, but this time she couldn't make it. "When it comes to Annie… you know how she is," Mrs. Stevens continued, "she's an amazing person, but she's all about fun. You, on the other hand, I see you with a husband. I see you in a solid relationship. I see you being the best mother you could be, even better than me," that last one came out as an obvious joke._

 _"Oh, someone's cocky," Alice said and they both laughed._

 _"Well, I'm doing the best I can," her mom said when they got serious again._

 _"I know and I love you for it," Alice assured her._

 _"I love you, too, baby. You just keep on working hard. Remember that, all right? Keep on believing and keep on loving. Remember never to give up. Relationships, having a family, it's hard. I'm not going to lie to you. It's a lot of work. It's like having a job outside of your job, but I promise you, honey, it'll all be worth it in the end."_

Alice started crying when she remembered all of that. She couldn't stand this situation she found herself in any longer. She'd tried. She'd tried so hard, but then she'd given up. Only Jack had given up, too and even before her. He was the one who didn't want to try. He was the one to kill her dream. Maybe she should listen to what her mother advised, she should try and fight harder for her husband, but she wasn't sure what good that would do now. She couldn't force him to become a father when he didn't want to and he couldn't force her to stay in a relationship that wasn't working for her anymore as well. And they both did just that. What would her mother say if she could see her now? Alice sat down right next to her packed bag and she wished for her mother to be there so badly that it hurt her. It felt like she was ripped apart from the inside, so desperately trying to figure out what to do. Was she meant to fight for Jack and their happiness together? Or maybe the differences between them were truly irreconcilable and she should just give up?

In the end, she forced herself to pick up her bag and grab her jacket and then the keys on her way out of the apartment. She wasn't sure she would even get back there. Maybe she wouldn't. Maybe she'd die trying to get back to the island or then getting out of it. She didn't care anymore. She knew she needed to do this. She knew she should've done something all those months ago when Jack had asked them all to lie. Now she was going to rectify her mistake and come back for those left behind. She promised her mother to try and fix things between her and Jack, but she knew it was a long shot.

As the door closed behind her and she got into the taxi she'd called for a few minutes before, she finally admitted to herself that she was going back for James, that she was doing it for him. She wasn't sure she would for Claire alone, but then again, maybe that was Kate's job, maybe that was the reason she was taking that plane as well. For Alice the reason was her best friend that had forfeited his chance of getting out of the island by jumping out of the chopper just to save _her_ , just so _she_ had the chance at a life she wanted. She owed it to _him_. She owed it to Locke, too, as he died trying to get them all back, the details of his death still a little shady to her. She'd read all there was to read about it, but something just didn't sit right with her. If she wasn't considering suicide anymore, it was highly unlikely someone like Locke had ever done. He'd gotten back up after his own father had thrown him out the window and killing himself out of hopelessness just because no one of the Oceanic Seven was ready to come back with him just yet, seemed completely out of his character.

* * *

Even if love was gone, Alice thought while boarding the plane, she still had a debt to pay. Maybe even two as Jack had once saved her life and she owed him just like she owed James. Maybe it was high time for her to return the favor. She didn't count on reconciling easily and having everything she'd lost back. She didn't believe anymore that once you found love, everything would just go smoothly. In real life it rarely did. Maybe there were just moments. Moments of happiness and that was just it. There was more misery, doubt and being lost than actually knowing one's place and being happy in love. Sometimes there was even more death than life surrounding you.

She boarded the plane in the last minute. Jack and everyone else beside Kate – whom Alice had sworn to secrecy – had no idea she was coming. She'd gotten too close to not coming at all, actually and it wasn't by choice. At the airport they told her that all the tickets had been sold out and then she bumped into Hurley. Hurley who'd actually bought all the free seats because he didn't want to risk anyone else's life in case the plane would crash again. Good, old Hugo. He always had such a good heart, Alice thought. He gave her a ticket without asking any questions. It was a good thing that he respected her right to choose.

As she made the first step into the plane, she felt scared out of her mind. She was scared of seeing Jack again, of having to talk to him, of hearing what he had to say to her and above all, she was scared of the plane going down again. Yet, what was bravery without fear? She asked herself and took a deep breath. There was no coming back. If she ran, she would never forgive herself.

She spotted him just sitting in the back and looking through the window but not really seeing anything. She had a pretty good idea of what he might be thinking about. She ignored Sayid's surprised look and then Sun's and finally, she reached Jack. She could've chosen any other seat, but she needed to be strong and brave.

Jack raised his head to see who was towering over him and he opened his eyes widely. She was actually pleasantly surprised. He shaved and looked like his old self and not the shaky, drunk version she had burnt into her mind. And he wore a suit. She could also smell his usual cologne. It wasn't like his appearance fooled her, though. For all she knew, he might've already taken something to appear this calm during the flight only to become a shaking drug addict on the island. Like Charlie the first way around, Alice suddenly came up with a parallel.

She didn't speak first. She just took the free seat right next to him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he finally asked, shock slowly wearing off. He was angry with her and tried hard not to explode. It only made her angry as well.

"I'm here because I have quite a few debts to pay, Jack," she simply said when looking him in the eye.

He was just about to say something, already opening his mouth when they heard the pilot through the speakers. It was Frank Lapidus.

Jack and Alice exchanged surprised looks. If they still weren't sure they were really going back, now there was no doubt. Alice felt surreal as though she was dreaming instead of being awake. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought this would happen and yet it did.

Jack was actually quite relieved he could leave to talk to Frank. She watched them and saw the look on Lapidus's face when he spotted everyone he knew.

"Oh, damn, we're not going to Guam, are we?" she could read from the movements of the man's lips.

"Excuse me, is Mr. Shephard sitting here?" a flight attendant just interrupted Alice.

"Yes," Alice confirmed with a nod.

"This was found in his cargo. It's addressed to him." The woman handed Alice an envelope with Jack's name written on it.

"Thank you," she said as she took it and the flight attendant smiled to her before walking away.

Alice gave Jack the letter when he came back. She noticed how pale he got.

"What is it?" she asked in curiosity.

"It's… It's John's suicide note," Jack explained. "I didn't want to open it, so I left it with… with the body. Now I just think I have to read it. It seems to keep coming back to me as though Locke really wants me to read it." He played with the letter in his hands, still not ready.

"Maybe we could read it together?" Alice suggested, not sure whether it was a good idea and whether they were even close enough now to share such secrets. They'd used to and it was just another painful memory.

Jack didn't answer, he just ripped the envelope open and spread the thin sheet of paper, holding it in such a way that Alice could read it, too.

 _I wish you had believed me_ , was all the note said and Jack put it away immediately after seeing it, then he wiped his eyes.

Alice didn't know what to say, so she just reached out and took his hand. Still, the gesture felt foreign somehow and she let go, swallowing over the gulp forming in her throat.

"Jack…" she started and stopped immediately after, not knowing how to put what she wanted to say into words. "Listen, I know we're having problems. I know we might… we might not recover and just…" she cleared her throat when he looked at her with those eyes that had used to convey love and now they just seemed to be empty as though he didn't care anymore. "If you meet me half-way here, maybe we could work on those issues, maybe we could still salvage this marriage," she finally said.

Jack didn't say anything to that, instead he looked over Alice's eyes and met Kate's eyes. The woman was watching them.

"Alice, listen, there's something…" he started then when looking back at his wife. Yet, he wasn't able to confess his greatest sin to her since the plane hit turbulence and soon enough everything went to hell and they were all enveloped in a white blinding light.

* * *

When Alice finally came to, she had a terrible headache, making it nearly impossible for her to think. For now, she knew that she was lying down on something hard and uncomfortable and she started panicking. Then she forced herself to take a few deep breaths and as the wet humid air made its way into her lungs, her head cleared enough for her to finally open her eyes. _Wet humid air_ , she immediately realized and split her eyes open, looking at what she saw above her. Trees. Green, enormous trees in the company of the characteristic air meant that they'd made it – they were back on the island.

"Jack," she whispered, remembering that he'd been sitting right next to her on the plane and she slowly sat up, looking around.

As it turned out, he was lying next to her, but she didn't spot anyone else. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that they were sitting together, crossed her mind, but she refused to stop long enough to actually figure out how she and Jack found themselves in the middle of the jungle with no scratch on them and without a plane they'd previously been on.

"Jack!" she said, shaking him awake and he finally opened his eyes, for a moment just looking at her in disorientation. "Are you all right?! Jack!" she repeated, truly starting to panic. What the hell had he taken before boarding the plane?!

"Yeah…" he finally spoke when putting his hand to his head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Where are we?"

"It looks like the island," she answered when getting up to her feet and looking around, trying to pinpoint the exact place they were in.

In that moment she was hit with a wave of nausea and pain starting in her middle, which caused her to actually bend in a half.

"What's wrong?!" Jack was immediately by her side, placing his hands on her shoulders, worried about her. "Alice, please, tell me what's wrong."

All she told him was, " _Something_ is wrong," and once she grabbed a hold on herself and tried to get used to her ability that clearly came back once she found herself on the island again, she took up running. Jack ran after her, not having another choice.

He realized that his wife's ability came back once they stopped at the edge of the waterfall and saw Hurley deep below, drowning and screaming for help. They simply looked at each other and just jumped.

Once they were in the water and swam to the surface, Jack made his way to Hugo to help him out and Alice looked around and finally noticed Kate lying on a pile of rocks. She really hoped her friend was all right while swimming over to her.

"Kate?" she asked when turning her on her back. The woman didn't seem to have any injuries either and Alice's head was spinning from all the questions she had. How was there no plane? Had they fallen from the sky and landed here? But again, _how_?! They should've been dead. Yes, it was definitely easier to live in the normal world, Alice decided, at least there she didn't have to bother with such crazy questions and even crazier answers.

Kate woke up, just as equally confused as all of them and Jack managed to help Hurley to the shore. They started looking for the rest, but they couldn't locate Sayid or Sun.

"Maybe we should just go to our beach," Kate suggested and they were all about to listen to her when they stilled, hearing music and an engine running. Soon enough, one of the Dharma cars stopped right in front of them and… the man who got out of it was Jin.

"Dude!" Hurley said. " _Jin_?"

The Korean was just as surprised as they all were. Or maybe they were more, judging by the Dharma suit he wore and the car he drove. And his perfect English, that was.

* * *

Jin quickly got them all into his car and drove somewhere, making a call to someone called LaFleur on the way and refusing to answer any questions. He just told them they would find out about everything soon enough and then the only thing he asked about was his wife.

Once the car stopped and they all got out of it, kind of recognizing the area they were in but in the same time surprised by how different it seemed; another car drove by and… it was Sawyer who jumped out of it.

Alice was the first person who actually showed some enthusiasm and joy, but before that she just stood still, not truly believing her own eyes that she finally saw him. Then she simply called out his name and ran towards him and he caught her when laughing and spreading his arms to greet her. She hugged him tightly, making sure that he was really there alive and breathing.

"Hey, there, sweetheart," he softly whispered into her ear, feeling a little overwhelmed.

Once they let go of each other, Alice noticed the awkward tension between everyone else and she couldn't really understand it. James was reserved when it came to Kate and Kate with Jack just acted so weird that she had to stop trying to figure it out or otherwise she would twist her mind.

Eventually, Hurley ran to Sawyer, calling him dude and hugging him and then Kate finally came around. Still, Alice frowned on seeing how weird James was with it all and how bizarre the brunette acted.

"So, what's with the Dharma suit, dude?" Hurley asked Sawyer when they were done with saying hi, Jack last in line.

"You didn't tell them?" James turned to Jin.

"No, I waited for you to do it."

James sighed and then he informed, "So, we're in the Dharma Initiative."

"They came back to the island?" Jack asked in a surprise.

"No," James denied, " _we_ came back. It's 1977."

"Um, _what_?" Hugo was the first one to react and the rest of them truly had nothing better to say.

"We've been working in Dharma ever since we… well, stopped traveling in time," James followed.

"I got to run," Jin told him in that moment, clearly feeling very impatient, the rest of them just standing there, stunned and thinking it must've been all some kind of a joke.

"What? No! We need to figure out what we're gonna do with them, man!" Sawyer protested.

"If Sun's here, I need to get her! I'm going to Radzinsky! He'd know if a plane came down!" And just like that, Jin was gone, taking his car and leaving them all to fend for themselves.

"James, slow down…" Alice just said when reaching her hands out. She felt all too much at once when seeing him again alive and healthy. She just now realized how much she'd missed him and his voice and his eyes and… just everything about him. It felt as though she hadn't even been able to breathe before when not sure if he was all right. It was also as though she never left, as those last few months never happened and everything was right with the universe again. "I don't understand. How can we just _travel in time_?"

"All I know, sweetheart, is that it started happening when you all got out and Ben moved the island. It stopped when Locke left. He must've done something that saved us and we got stuck here," James explained, spreading his arms. "Where is he anyway?" he then asked.

"Locke?" Jack made sure. "Sawyer… Locke is… Locke is dead."

James's expression faltered. "What the hell happened?"

Only no one seemed to be able to tell him the details just yet.

"All right, we ain't got no time for this now." James shook his head. "Just sit tight and I'll figure something out! I'll be right back! And don't call me Sawyer!" He turned around one last time. "Here everyone knows me by LaFleur!"

"Wait! Who's in Dharma beside you and Jin?" Alice called after him, but even though he stopped for moment, he decided not to answer for some reason.

"I'll be back!" he just repeated and was gone.

Even though Alice wasn't looking at him at the moment, she could feel Jack watching her. She didn't really want to resume their talk from the plane just yet, so she chose to go over to Kate instead. She had some questions she needed the answers to and Jack wasn't exactly eager to ask them himself. And he should, Alice thought bitterly. He should because it concerned his nephew. She still couldn't understand why he hated kids so much. Maybe not hated, but he was somehow scared of them.

"Kate?" Alice asked gently and the woman nearly jumped when she realized who came over. "Kate, may I ask what happened? Why did you come back? Where's Aaron?"

Kate was sitting on a rock and looking into the distance, not seeing anything in particular. In fact, she even refused to look Alice in the eye. And Alice could only imagine what was going on in Kate's head. She was wondering what was wrong with James, too, if she were to be honest. She could still feel Jack's eyes set on her, but she refused to look back at him.

"Are you all right?" she asked Kate, worried about her friend and the state she seemed to be in. Maybe it was shock. Maybe something else.

"I left him where he belonged," Kate finally answered the question about Aaron in a strange tone. "With his grandmother. And I came back here to get Claire. She should raise him, not me."

"Well, for what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. We just need to stick together and survive it this time on the island," Alice assured Kate, but got no more from her.

Eventually, she sighed and sat down on the ground, waiting.

* * *

When James got out of his car in the village, he ran straight to his place, ignoring Juliet calling him from the other side of the road.

"Jim!" she tried again when following him into the house. "Hey, I'm talking to you! … What's wrong?" she finally asked when noticing he didn't seem to be himself, just going through his wardrobe and picking up various pieces of clothing from it. She stopped just outside the threshold, not even having been in this room before. They hadn't gotten so far in their _relationship_ , if she could call it that way, so she didn't want to invade his privacy.

"Juliet, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna need some clothes from your place, too," he just told her when measuring her with his eyes.

"James, I don't understand," she admitted, taken aback. "What's wrong?"

"They're back," he finally informed and she blinked a few times before asking, "I'm sorry, who's back?"

"Jack, Hurley, Kate… Alice."

Juliet's face hardened as she heard that and then she said, "So, whatever this was gonna turn out to be," she pointed herself and then him, "it's over before it even stated for real, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" James stilled with a frown.

"Well, I'm talking about _her_." Juliet folded her arms over her chest.

"Who? Kate? Come on, there's no time." He walked right past her.

"It's not Kate I'm worried about and we both know it," Juliet said and he stilled, sucking in a breath.

"Juliet…" he started again, turning to face her and then stopped with a sigh. He didn't know what to say.

"It's ok," she was the one to speak and then pass by him on her way out. "You wanted clothes, right? For Kate and Alice? Let's go get them, then."

* * *

It'd been quite some time before the familiar sound of the Dharma car's engine reached their ears and then they saw Sawyer – or maybe rather LaFleur – coming back.

"All right, there's a new sub coming soon, so we need to hurry. Juliet and I got your names on the list in the last moment," he informed when opening the door of the car for them all to hop in.

"Juliet?" Jack asked in surprise. "She's here, too?"

"Yeah, she is," James cut his answer short and they were ready to go.

Jack sat right next to Alice on the back sit as there wasn't much to choose from. Kate sat on Alice's other side because naturally, Hurley needed to take the front seat.

James couldn't hide his curiosity and was peaking at both Alice and Jack in the front mirror, noticing the awkwardness and the never before seen distance between those two. He wondered what could've possibly caused this trouble in paradise. Alice finally caught his eyes in the mirror, noticing him staring and he came back to watching the road.

Jack, on the other hand, was wondering what he should do about the whole situation. He'd never considered Alice coming back as well and he knew that if he wasn't going to come clean about everything soon, he would find himself in some serious trouble.

The car finally arrived at Dharma and Sawyer – LaFleur – quickly told them all where to go and how to act in order to be taken as the new recruits. There was one thing James hadn't foreseen, though – that Sayid would be caught as a hostile by one of the original Dharma members.


	20. Chapter 20 sawyer

The first day in the Dharma Initiative was quite overwhelming and surreal. Alice still waited until she would wake up and be sure it was all just a wacky dream. Only it wasn't. They really were back on the island and they got back there in the most bizarre way possible as they travelled through time. And they said that time travels were impossible. Alice decided that such a word really didn't exist in the island's vocabulary.

Right now all she wanted was to finally be able to catch up with her friend, his presence in the village so palpable that it was killing her that they were finally so close, yet still so far away. She'd had to pretend not to know him or anyone else the whole day and it was harder than she thought. Now, once the night set in, she could finally go find him and ask all the questions she'd been dying to ask ever since she'd seen him coming to greet them.

She had trouble finding the right house, but fortunately for her, the Dharma people weren't too suspicious and they quickly pointed her in the right direction.

"Hi there, sweetheart!" he welcomed her with a smile as soon as he opened the door. He was wearing glasses – this time a normal piece and not one that Sayid had ensembled from two completely different pairs – and Alice deduced he must've been reading before she knocked. "How are you doing?" he asked when closing the door behind her and then gesturing her to the couch. There was a book lying open on the table just as she'd predicted there would be.

"Do you really want to know?" she answered with a question and sighed.

"What's with the ring on your finger?" He pointed her wedding band when he joined her on the couch. "You and doc got hitched? And don't you look at me like this! I didn't notice! It was all Juliet during the recruitment."

Alice truly didn't know what to say. She probably should tell him everything, but she had no idea where to start. Here she was, finally able to talk to James after so many times of just wishing she could and she was at loss for words. Somehow, she felt content with just sitting next to him and feeling his presence. There was a strange sense of peace enveloping her every time he was near and it was quite pleasant. She felt as though she could finally take a breath.

"It's… complicated," she eventually answered him evasively.

"Talk to me, then," he encouraged, a foreign note appearing in the tone of his voice.

"And what about you? Are you with Juliet? Weren't you in love with Kate?" Alice wanted to know and then she noticed him getting uncomfortable.

"It's complicated," he repeated after her with a sigh. "I… I'm not technically with Juliet. It was still all very…" he hesitated before finishing that sentence, " _new_ to us before you arrived."

"I guess we really should talk," Alice sighed and then she just blurted out, "God, I missed you so much!"

James's expression changed and she couldn't really know what he was thinking at the moment. Eventually, he smiled at her, but it still felt as though he was hiding something. She didn't remember him acting this way before. Then again, maybe she'd never noticed because of everything that had been going on then.

"Is Juliet mad at you?" Alice asked, still trying to wrap her mind around the possibility of the two of them together while she and the rest had been back home. There was just something about it that made her feel uncomfortable and she couldn't really explain it. It wasn't as though it was her business.

"She…" Sawyer hesitated again, intensity coming off of him.

"Seriously, James, what's wrong? I can tell that you're not telling me something," Alice pushed, actually getting a little mad and feeling a little disappointed with him. She hadn't come all this way and risked so much just to hear him lie to her or have him not tell her the truth. "Are you all right? What is it that's bothering you?"

"I'm fine. It's just… Juliet and I…" he sighed, avoiding Alice's eyes. "This isn't going to work out. She made that clear today."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he dismissed her care.

"Is it because of Kate?"

"Kate?" he seemed surprised. "No. Kate has nothing to do with it."

"So it must be because we came and you didn't really need saving," Alice answered herself and James didn't deny nor confirm her suspicions. "I'm sorry, James. I never thought you could all just be… fine."

"We weren't _that_ fine," he corrected.

"Locke told me you were in danger. That you were all… dying," Alice finally dared say. "And I thought I needed to help you somehow. Leaving you all behind," she shook her head, "it was the worst decision we could ever make."

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart."

Alice reached her hand to his, squeezing gently while he just sat there, not moving, not taking her hand into his.

"It's ironic, isn't it?" she just asked sadly when finally taking her hand away. She still couldn't understand why James seemed to be so reserved when it came to her. They'd seemed to be closer before. "Once you came for me when I didn't need your saving and now… the roles are reversed."

"Yeah, but you didn't come for me, did you?" James just asked. "Besides, we would've had to leave eventually," he continued before she managed to answer his question. "In a few years, Ben will be a grown-up and let's not forget about the _purge_. He _will_ kill every single member of the Dharma Initiative."

"Unless you could do something to stop him now that you're from the future," Alice suggested.

"I wouldn't be so sure. Faraday still seems to think the past is set in stone, even when it comes to the anomaly that is us. So, now you know what we've been doing for the last few months. What about you? What did he do to screw this marriage up?"

"Who? Jack?" Alice asked.

"Something tells me it couldn't be you."

"You think too highly of me," she told him with a smile and then she saddened, going back in her mind to all those happy months she'd spent with Jack. "We were actually happy for a while," she confessed to James when looking down at her hand where her wedding bad still was and turning it on her finger. "He even said he was ready to become a father, but… it just didn't happen for us and I decided to get myself tested."

James remained silent, not trying to interrupt and she was grateful for that. She wanted to get over with telling him all of this as soon as possible.

"It turned out there was nothing wrong with me," she continued. "So, naturally I asked Jack to get tested as well."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't just you adopt or something?" James finally asked, seeing where this was going and how hard this conversation was on her.

"That wasn't even the problem. The thing is that Jack was never ready to be a father and he was ashamed to admit that, I guess. We had this huge fight about how I wanted to have a child and how Jack wasn't enough for me and he was just relieved he couldn't seem to have kids and… and we started drifting apart and then… he was just gone."

"I ain't gonna believe that a child that wasn't even there came between you two."

"Maybe it wasn't all there was. Maybe he felt guilty for leaving his sister behind and that's why he started… well, drinking and… worse," Alice said carefully, somehow ashamed for Jack even though it wasn't her fault. "I don't know. I didn't ask. Or maybe he just had enough of daddy issues to ever be ready or even want to have a child with me. Maybe he was afraid he would be a bad father." She shrugged, still avoiding looking James in the eye.

"That's just bullshit to me," he said to her surprise and she finally met his gaze. "Everyone can be a good dad. You just have to _be_ there. And second thing, what sister?"

Alice didn't even manage to process what James just said to her, dismissing all of Jack's fears as though there were insignificant and Jack was nothing more than a coward before he bombarded her with another question.

"Claire," Alice explained, not having the strength to talk or think about her husband anymore. If they were to even remain married. "Her mother came to LA to Jack's father's funeral and she told him. Christian Shephard had an affair and a daughter in Australia."

"I'll be damned!" Sawyer cursed. "Seriously? You aren't pulling my leg or something?"

"Nope, all truth," Alice assured him. "Maybe we'll find Claire. Right now Aaron's with his grandmother."

"I hate to tell you this, sweetheart, but I haven't seen Claire since that night she walked out on us and left the baby behind."

"Yeah… I never said it'll be easy," Alice said in a resigned voice.

"So you came back because Jack came back?" James wanted to know then.

"Not exactly," she said slowly, by now playing with her fingers nervously.

"Oh, come on," Sawyer prompted, "of course you came all this way for him and I don't get what you're still doing here talking to me instead of just going to him when you can mend fences."

"James…"

"What? We both know you haven't come all this way for me," he repeated, sure of himself and then he saw the look on her face. "Wait a sec… _what_? You did it for _me_?" he was stunned as he asked that, his eyes opened widely, shock clear on his face. And something else. Something she didn't really have the strength to try and discover.

"Yes, James, I did," Alice confirmed, not seeing the point in lying to him. "I needed to. Can't you see? You risked your life for me when you jumped from that helicopter and I…"

"Oh, _right_ ," he understood and it was as though life had been drained from him in that moment, "but Jack is here as well and you owe it to the both of you to try and at least work through those issues of yours."

"Are you actually throwing me out of here?" Alice asked, surprised to hear that harsh tone in his voice.

"Maybe I am. Go, because we both know that if you don't, you might regret it forever."

"Don't be so dramatic," she told him, but she actually did stand up. "But maybe you're right. Maybe I need to talk to him. We were about to on the plane, but… well, it fell. _Again_."

"So where's the wreck?" James just asked. "Whatever happened to all of you, Alice, it might have nothing to do with a plane crash."

"Just another mystery added to the already growing pile, right?" she joked, trying to lighten up the mood, but somehow she found herself being unable to. Something changed in Sawyer as though he closed himself off.

"Off you go, sweetheart," he just said and she walked to the door.

"You know what?" She turned to him with her hand already on the knob. "You really have grown up." She smiled at him. "It suits you."

"I'm not sure it's a compliment or an offence…" he admitted with a small smile that, yet, didn't reach his eyes.

"Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight."

"And James?" Alice turned in the door again.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're ok."

He sent her the same weird and sad smile and then she had no choice but to leave. Maybe he was right. She'd procrastinated enough.

* * *

When she knocked on the door of his house, she was so nervous that her body started to shake a little. She didn't even have enough time to brace herself for the upcoming conversation because the door opened immediately and Jack stood in it. He actually seemed surprised to see her there at such a late hour, but he did figure they had to finish their conversation sooner or later. The problem was he'd rather it to be later.

"Hi," she said, feeling stupid that she didn't start with something else.

"Hi," he answered awkwardly and then stepped aside to let her in and the door closed behind him.

Soon, they found themselves together in a closed space and only felt more awkward. He didn't know where to start, how to even tell her what he was about to and she was scared they would once again end their conversation in a fight.

"We need to talk," she finally said, still feeling stupid when just standing there in the middle of his small living room and not doing or saying anything.

"I know," he said, swallowing hard. "I know we do."

"Jack, I don't know how we can get back to what we had," she started slowly as he clearly wasn't in any rush to, "but we did get married, so maybe we should try and work this out. First, I need to know why."

"Why what?" he just asked, not following.

"Why you left," she clarified. "It couldn't just be the baby thing. I know I overacted as well when you basically let me know you would never have it with me and I am sorry for that. I lost control. But then again, we could try talking it over like rational people. I know that we could've reached some kind of a compromise if we tried hard enough."

"You mean if _you_ tried hard enough because there was ever gonna be only one way out of the situation and that was _you_ becoming a mother and getting what _you_ wanted. That's not a compromise," he hissed, getting angry with her and it happened so fast that she started to regret she'd listened to Sawyer and came over. Then even worse happened, she actually started questioning the remnants of her love for Jack. Maybe it was just gone. Maybe he'd killed it all.

"Jack…"

"I'm sorry," he quickly apologized. "That wasn't fair. Nothing is fair anymore to any one of us." He turned around, running his hand through his hair nervously. His body had a slight twitch to it and she wondered whether it was because of the drug withdrawal he must've been suffering from. _That_ should be the problem number one to solve, she suddenly realized.

"Even if you said right this moment that we could have a baby, I wouldn't want that, Jack," she found herself saying and he was so surprised that he turned around to look at her. "Not in the state you're in. You still need help. You clearly have addictions…"

"Alice…"

"No, don't try to deny it. If we're going to work through our issues, you need to get help first."

"And how about there's no time for that because we're in 1977 and might die once the Dharma finds out we're not really here for the job?" he asked. "Maybe we should take care of _that_ problem first? Maybe we should find a way to get us all out of this island."

"Where to? You said it yourself, we're in the seventies."

He sighed heavily, his conscience laying heavy on him.

"Alice, honestly," he forced himself to look into her eyes as he said that, "I'm not sure there's anything we can do to save us."

"How can you say this to me? Pushing all our problems aside, we loved each other so much once, Jack. What happened to that?" She wasn't even hurt. She just wanted to understand. She wasn't sure if she felt anything at all for this man anymore. She knew that even if he said they could work on their relationship, she would still need a lot of time to heal and to start feeling again.

"The truth, Alice, is that once you hear what I've done, you won't want to be with me anymore," he said, already feeling his heart rate quickening. He hated himself for what he was about to tell her, but he couldn't possibly go on like this and not give her the truth. She at least deserved that much.

"Tell it to me, then. Get it over with," she encouraged when folding her arms on her chest as though she was trying to shield herself against the blow.

But nothing could ever protect her from what she just heard coming from him, "I slept with Kate."

Her hand seemed to work on its own and the blow came unexpectedly, striking Jack hard across the face. He didn't say anything, though. He knew he deserved much more than that.

" _Why_?" was all Alice could ask, tears already welling up in her eyes. The worst part wasn't even that he broke her heart. She kind of thought there was nothing left that he could break anymore as the person that stood right next to her wasn't the man she'd once loved and been with, it was a stranger she couldn't understand nor feel for.

"I was… lonely, I guess. The guilt was tearing me apart."

Another slap came. This time to the second cheek.

" _Lonely_?! And I was _what_ to you, exactly?!"

"I'm sorry, ok? I didn't want to burden you with my problems. You've already been through too much…"

"Don't you dare!" she screamed when pointing her finger at him. "Don't you dare blaming _me_ for this! I was strong enough! _I am_! Why should our whole relationship be defined by one stupid moment of weakness?! Is that _all_ you ever saw in me!? The girl who wanted to die?!"

"No, Alice, I…"

"Then why didn't you just talk to _me_?! Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know that you needed to seek _another_ woman's help?! That you even felt the need to talk to another woman?! And Kate! Kate of all people!" Alice turned around, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "That actually explains why she's been so weird around me recently," she murmured under her breath. She couldn't believe this! Not only her husband, the one person she'd been sure she could trust not to cheat on her, had betrayed her. Now she found out her friend had been screwing him behind her back! Or maybe she shouldn't be surprised, not really. Maybe this was who Jack really was. After all, he'd admitted kissing another woman while married to Sarah, hadn't he once? Alice just never thought it would happen to her. Or maybe she just didn't know Jack at all. Maybe she just thought she did.

"Alice…" he tried to come near her and put his hand on her shoulder as he didn't know what else to do or say, but she moved away from him when whirling around to face him.

"Who _are you_?" she just asked. "It's like I don't know you anymore. Maybe I never did."

"We all change, Alice," he said bitterly.

"Not like this," she shook her head, "not this much."

"Sawyer did."

"Yeah, but the difference is that I actually _like_ the new him," she said, but deep down inside she wasn't even sure anymore. She wasn't sure about anyone anymore and it killed her. It was as though once again in her life she'd literally lost _everyone_ and was all alone _again_. She knew James was hiding something from her and she would soon get it out of him even if she had to kick and scream while doing so, because she simply couldn't stand being lied to.

"Alice, what do you want me to say? What should I do?" Jack just asked in hopelessness.

"Nothing. I guess I never knew you at all," she said and directed herself to the door since she couldn't breathe in this room anymore. She needed to get away from it and from Jack.

"Maybe you didn't," he silently agreed.

Next thing she knew, she was out the door and breathing the chilly air of the night deeply into her lungs and then almost bending in a half when crying. She couldn't take this anymore. She couldn't take this loneliness any longer. Everyone she'd ever loved was abandoning her and she was nearly right where she started. What could she have possibly done to deserve this? Not even finding Claire would make it all right. Claire was never the same after she'd come back from the others' camp, Alice remembered and then added to that all those months she'd been away and on her own…

No, this time would be different, Alice decided when standing up straight and wiping her tears away. This time she was stronger. This time she would not give up no matter how badly it hurt. This time she would simply go on.

"Alice?" she heard James when she reached the front door of her house. "Alice, what's wrong?!"

She didn't stop to even look at him, much less talk to him; she didn't seem to have the strength, but he followed her anyway and before she knew it, he was holding her and she was crying in his arms, desperately clinging to his body as they walked into her house. Because maybe, just maybe, she wasn't alone, after all.

* * *

"What did he do?" James asked angrily as Alice calmed down enough to stop crying. Now she was perching on her kitchen table, having drunk all the water Sawyer had given her, the empty glass lying abandoned right next to her on the table.

"Oh, you mean beside drinking, taking drugs and leaving to God knew where?" Alice asked in an idle voice and it actually terrified James. "He cheated on me. With Kate," she added the woman's name after a moment.

"Shit!" James cursed, having trouble believing all of that. "We talkin' about the same doc here?" he asked when running his hand though his hair.

"Sure we do. Maybe we never really knew him at all."

"He's a complete idiot for ever leaving you and for hurting you like this!" Sawyer nearly growled. "I'll kick his miserable ass from here to…" He was just about to leave when Alice reached for him and grabbed his arm.

"It's not worth it," she simply said and he stayed where he was, looking at her closely to make sure she wasn't losing it. "I'm not even sure I care anymore, to be frank," she then added when biting on her lower lip that instantaneously attracted James's eyes. He quickly diverted them, turning around again.

"You know, I thought he deserved you more, but I'm not so sure anymore," he admitted when placing his hands on his hips.

"What are you even talking about?" Alice asked, her so far hazy mind clearing a little.

"I just don't get that bloke," James explained when turning back to her again. "I would _never_ do something like this to someone as amazing and wonderful as you are, Alice. A man just doesn't leave a woman like you behind."

"Says a man who dated Kate as well," she snorted, not sure how she felt about this sudden confession. In fact, she was kind of scared, because James's words opened something inside of her and she suddenly remembered with perfect clarity what she'd felt when he'd jumped out of the chopper, saying goodbye to her. She hadn't wanted to let him go then.

"No offence to Kate, but I only dated her because she was all I thought I deserved at the time," Sawyer suddenly confessed and Alice couldn't help but stare at him with her mouth hanging open.

 _This_ was the thing that he'd tried so hard to hide, she suddenly figured, feeling some kind of an awakening inside her heart. All those times he'd been there, all those times she'd been there for him. The way he'd made her feel when he'd left, giving her a chance to come back home…

She couldn't help but look into his eyes and see so much in them. He wasn't able to hide it anymore. And then he groaned deeply in his throat and his hands were on each side of her face and his lips were pressing against her own.

At first, she was surprised at the sudden contact and yet, one so intimate. She had trouble believing James was kissing her and what more, she seemed to want him to do that. His lips were warm and soft and so, so needy, she realized when he opened them and captured her lower lip between them.

Next thing she knew, she lost the contact with him as he pulled away, saying, "I'm sorry," and turning away from her again. "I probably just ruined our friendship."

"You know what?" she asked, her heart beating so fast she was afraid it would jump right out of her chest and there was also something else – _need_ – need so strong she thought she would die if he didn't… "I don't give a damn about anything anymore," she decided and grabbed his face, bringing it down for a kiss. She needed _more_.

She didn't even have to ask as he groaned again and captured her lips in such a sweet and gentle kiss that it had the power to melt her down completely. She would expect him to be harsh and demanding and instead he was savoring the kiss, tasting her slowly and then opening his mouth and licking a trace along her lower lip until she opened as well and their tongues slowly met.

Alice lost herself in him, in his kiss; her hands in his hair, messing it up, then sliding down to his chest and disappearing under his shirt. His hands were on her hips as he brought her closer and she could feel how much he wanted her, how hard he already was, yet, he still moved away and looked at her. There was something bordering between awe and shock in his expression before she pulled him closer again, searching his mouth with hers and tugging on his shirt so he would lift his arms and she could take it off. Once that was done, he grabbed her hips again and raised her up, carrying her to the bedroom. All Dharma houses seemed to be designed the exact same way, so he found it with no problem and then they were on the bed. Alice's shirt was soon out of the way and the clasp of her bra undone, then James's lips traced an agonizingly slow path down her throat, finally capturing one of her nipples into his mouth and sucking gently. She thought she would explode, she felt such a need deep in her core, the need for _him_ , a person she'd once hated and one that soon grown to become her best friend. And now… She didn't even want to think about the implications and what would come to be. She just wanted to stay in the moment, to enjoy it. It was all about feeling good and needing him and letting go of the darkness that seemed to always follow her with her past catching up with her no matter how hard she tried to escape it, no matter how sure she was she was finally happy.

His lips were back on hers again and they kissed and she pulled on his pants, trying to get them off all the way. He helped her, quickly taking off her own along with the panties and she was lying naked underneath his equally naked and beautiful body, she realized. Why hadn't she before? Why hadn't she become interested? Had she been blinded by her feelings for Jack, by her devotion to him because he'd given her a reason to go on and live again? She wondered as Sawyer kissed and explored her body as though he was worshipping her. His behavior didn't exactly match up with what she would imagine. He wasn't rough at all, quite the contrary.

When her legs parted, he fitted there perfectl, lining up and she knew that was the last moment to back off. Was she really going to do this? Was _this_ what she really wanted? Her body, yet, seemed to be working on its own without listening to her brain. She wanted this, yes, but she knew it was wrong as she was still married. Then again, it wasn't as though she was the first one to engage into any extramarital activities, was it? It was Jack who cheated first. Cheating right back didn't seem right either, but she couldn't help it. She wanted this to happen more than anything before.

So she held on to Sawyer's strong arms, feeling him enter her, feeling him filling her up and hearing him groan in pleasure. She moaned deeply and loudly as well, overwhelmed by everything she seemed to be feeling at the moment. Overwhelmed by how good and right being with him was.

Soon enough, as he was seated inside her all the way, filling her in, in every way, she grew to be only more dazed because he started kissing her when moving slowly in and out, when… _making love to her_ , she realized, opening her eyes widely and seeing the ceiling above her. She would expect a hard fuck from a man like him, but yet, he was making love to her and it completely blew her mind. It was then that she finally realized that _he loved her_. That he'd always had. Maybe she should have known.

This didn't feel like her first time with Jack. That had mostly been about desire prompted by all those extreme circumstances they'd been thrown into. She hadn't even known Jack then, she thought when lying in James's arms and making love to him. Maybe the one person she knew best was in bed with her right now.

There seemed to be so much more to this than just sex. It felt so, so good and seemed to run so much deeper. As she was slowly being rocked by James, starting to see stars, feeling so much building up inside of her, feeling herself loved and cherished and coming closer and closer to her completion, all those moments he'd been there for her came to her mind. She saw it like a movie in her head. He'd been there for her as she'd been for him. He'd _loved_ her all this time. She was the one person who'd managed to get through to him since the moment they'd actually talked for the first time. Yes, he'd disappointed her more than once, but then he'd always raised up to the challenge, always tried to do right by her.

Alice gasped when holding on to James as he kept on making love to her, their bodies rocking together, him slightly changing the angle which only made her feel more and faster. The worst part was that maybe the best thing in all of this was her own feelings for him and how she hadn't even realized how much she needed and wanted him until she'd seen him again that day, driving over to meet them and welcome them back on the island.

She stopped thinking altogether when James shifted and looked into her eyes, his own conveying so much meaning. She kissed him. Kissed him with so much love that she didn't even know her own name anymore or her marital status. The friction raised to its breaking point and she froze before the orgasm hit her full on and she opened her mouth widely and moaned, riding it out, James quickly following with a delicious groan as she felt him releasing himself inside of her.

The whole thing became so emotional for her that she was left breathless and dazed and felt tears breaking out in her eyes. It was all too much. Too much…

As he got off of her and lay right next to her on the bed, breathing heavily, the harsh reality came back to her and she realized what she'd just done. Yet, she had no regrets. Still, she wasn't able to speak just yet, couldn't even find the right words to tell him what she was feeling.

"Alice?" he finally asked in a hesitant voice as though he was afraid she would soon kick him out the door.

"Just hold me, James," she asked him silently, this much all she could say for now.

And he did. She turned aside and he moved closer and she felt his arms envelop her again, spooning her, securing her inside his hold.

She snuggled into him, put her arms around his arms that rested on her stomach. She wanted to stay this way forever so the next day would never come, so she could always lie in the arms of her best friend and feel so spent, so perfect, so content…


	21. Chapter 21 sawyer

When James woke up the next morning, he was still holding Alice and it took everything from him to gently release her from his arms. Then he moved away and sat up, hiding his face in his hands. He was so afraid. He was afraid that he lost everything, including _her_ just because of what he'd revealed to her the night before.

He got up with a sigh and reached for his pants, putting them on and grabbing his shirt on his way out of the bedroom. Maybe he was a coward, but he didn't want her to wake up when he was still there. He was simply afraid of what he could see reflected on her face then. He was afraid that she would regret everything and hate him forever. For now he chose to stay in the bubble, just reliving what happened between them and avoiding the proverbial morning after when everything might go to hell. And it probably would soon.

He was just putting his shirt back on when he pushed the front door open and he stilled, one of his arms still not in the sleeve as he saw Jack standing there on the porch with his hand raised, clearly about to knock.

"Shit," James cursed under his breath, not sure what to do or say. Him sneaking out of Alice's house in the morning while putting his clothes back on pretty much gave everything away. He was bracing himself for the blow, for anything Jack might say or do to him, but then the doctor just turned around and walked away.

James stood there in shock, not understanding the man's behavior at. Still, Jack finding out was the least of his problems. No matter what he did, he couldn't stop thinking that maybe Alice had slept with him because she wanted to punish the doc. That would be the worst thing ever to hear and to experience – the woman he loved more than life itself actually being with him just because she wanted someone else to hurt. It didn't really suit Alice, though, James thought, but it didn't mean that she wasn't confused about what happened either. Maybe he'd taken advantage of her in her vulnerable state, but then again, she should know that their friendship was too precious to him and that whatever happened, happened because he couldn't possibly stop himself any longer. It was just too bad he chose the worst timing possible to act on his feelings.

* * *

The day passed by so fast that Alice's head was spinning. She didn't even have to time to think about what had happened the night before and why Sawyer left before she woke up as she was already late for work. She knew that didn't bode well for her and it didn't matter how much she just wanted some peace and quiet to herself to think or maybe try and talk to James once she was ready and figured everything out. She needed to go to work that she was assigned to at the cafeteria, otherwise she would risk blowing her cover. Once there, she basically spent her whole day bringing meals to people and then washing the plates and it was driving her crazy as there was plenty of hungry mouth to feed. Something stirred inside of her when she spotted James entering the cafeteria and as she brought a meal over to him, she nearly lost it and ask him to talk to her outside. Once their eyes met, all she could see was the night before and her hands shook when she put the plate in front of him on the table. He didn't know how to act around her either and eventually settled for pretending he didn't know her at all, even though she could tell something else just by looking into his eyes. And they were scared, actually. Well, she couldn't really blame him as the poor guy had no idea where they stood and what would happen from now on.

Alice already planned that once her shift was over, she would find James and talk to him even though she still had no idea what she would say to him. The time for thinking would have to come later as right now she just really needed to see him and maybe to assure him she didn't hate him or anything of the sort. If so, her body kept on responding every time she remembered what happened, how he kissed her and touched her and… She bit on her lip when the reactions she felt became too much to bear. She couldn't lie to herself any longer, she really wanted James and maybe what happened wasn't a mistake, after all. Then again, she was surrounded by the Dharma people and Jack and Kate and Hugo were there, too and the last thing on her mind should be daydreaming about having sex with her best friend. She didn't even know how her life had gotten so complicated. She was pretty sure it hadn't been that way even after the car crash. Then she'd had nothing and now… there was just too much to solve, too much to settle and too much to lose.

And then her thoughts stopped altogether, her plan going down with the drain when Sayid escaped captivity and Jin found little Benjamin Linus shot and left for death in the woods. There was truly no time for solving her private issues now. They simply needed to wait.

It didn't take much to put two and two together. Ben was seen on the camera footage visiting Sayid whom he thought to be a hostile which was just another word for the other. And Sayid clearly thought he could convince Ben to set him free and then shoot him with cold blood.

Whatever he was thinking, it didn't work. Ben was still alive and Juliet with Sawyer were planning on keeping him that way. Alice could understand that Linus was responsible for some of their misery, but in her mind nothing justified shooting kids. _Nothing_. What happened only proved to her that she was right never to trust Sayid. Who in their right mind would trust an ex Iraqi torturer anyway?

Barely did they start working, they found themselves under house arrest since LaFleur AKA her James didn't want them to speak to anyone and make the situation even worse.

"How can someone just shoot a kid?" Alice finally spoke out loud, breaking the heavy silence that was in the room. Along with the awkwardness as they all found themselves under one roof again, that was.

She looked at Jack, but neither did he look back nor did he answer her. It was as though he pretended she wasn't even there.

"I know he's supposed to grow up and become a tyrant, but… he's just a kid now. It seems so… cruel."

Kate was just about to say something when the front door opened, finally showing James.

"Doc, I need you," he turned to Jack.

"What? Why?" Jack asked, his tone more hostile than usual and Alice frowned.

"Ben needs surgery."

"No," Jack simply said and all the pairs of eyes in the room focused on him.

"What do you mean no?" James asked, just as surprised as both Alice and Kate seemed to be. "Jack, if you don't go with me, that boy's going to die!"

"Then he dies."

It was just one short sentence, but it froze Alice to the bones and proved to her once again that this wasn't the same Jack she'd fallen in love with. The man he'd used to be, disappeared somehow, replaced by someone coldhearted and different.

"Jack, this isn't the time to hold a grudge," Sawyer said carefully.

"What happened, happened, right?" Jack just asked with a shrug and left the room.

"James…" Alice couldn't stand this anymore. She had to talk to him or else she would explode. She so didn't want him to think she didn't care about him at all, Jack be damned at the moment. "May I…? I need to talk to you for a moment, _please_."

He just nodded, avoiding looking directly at her and he walked to the only other room in his house that was unoccupied – his bedroom. Needles to say, the place unsettled them both as the door closed behind them.

"You weren't there this morning," Alice just said, knowing how stupid it sounded, but she didn't have anything better to say at the moment.

"I know. I'm sorry," James apologized, still not looking at her.

"James…"

"Alice, I don't think this is the time for…"

"Just let me say it," she asked him and he finally dared look into her eyes. He nearly released a breath full of relief when he didn't see there what he expected. At least she didn't hate him. What was there was more like concern.

"Alice, it's ok. I understand," he still said just to protect himself some more and to spare her having to say it all to him.

"No, you don't," she told him harshly and his pupils dilated. "I know exactly what you're trying to do here, James, so please, just don't. I want you to know… I _need_ you to know that I don't regret anything. I'm just… confused. But I do not regret what happened, ok?" she made sure when studying his face closely.

"That's a relief," he finally admitted. "Still, as much as I hate to say this, we have bigger problems to worry about right now."

"I know." She nodded. "Let me handle it." After that, she left the bedroom, heading straight to the kitchen where Jack had disappeared to before.

"You can't be serious!" Alice yelled at him.

"Alice…" he just said her name and his voice trailed off like he didn't know what else to add. In fact, he spoke to her as to a petulant child and she would have none of it!

"No, Jack! This isn't right!"

"Thirty years from now you're going to ask me to save Benjamin Linus and I will do it because there will be no other choice," he told her when looking at her.

"Jack…"

"I don't blame you," he interrupted her again. "I just think that maybe the island wants to fix things by itself. So I won't move a finger to help him."

"So you're saying you shouldn't have done it then either?" she asked in a bitter, full of resentment voice. She really wished she could understand him, but she just couldn't. What made Jack so different from Sayid right now? She wondered.

"Where did it leave us, Alice?" he just asked. "We both know that even when I do save him in that thirty years, Sawyer will come right there to rescue you and everything we could've had _will_ go down the drain! Just look at us now."

"How dare you?" she asked, feeling like she'd been asking him that particular question way too often recently. It seemed obvious to her now that Jack knew about her and Sawyer and that actually explained a lot, but she couldn't care less at the moment. " _You_ destroyed our marriage!" she screamed at him, not caring that the people from the other room could probably hear them. "It's no one else's fault but _yours_ , Jack! _You_ have the sole responsibility, so don't you blame it all on me!"

"Why would I?" he asked venomously. "All you did is help destroy it further." After that, he just turned around and left the room.

When she came back to the living room, she suddenly heard Kate, "Alice, I am so…"

"Oh, just shut up, will you?!" she snapped at the woman, so not needing to hear another apologizes, this time coming from _her_ mouth.

"I'm confused," Jin admitted then and Hugo turned to him, relaying in a quiet voice, "It's so obvious, dude! See, I always suspected that Sawyer was in love with Alice when no one else saw it! And now she probably has feelings for him, too, but she's still Jack's wife, but he…"

"Hugo?" Jin interrupted him.

"Yeah?"

"Don't we have bigger problems right now than to worry about other people's complicated relationships?"

"Yeah, you're probably right, dude."

"Screw that!" Alice suddenly yelled, completely oblivious to Jin and Hugo's little talk. They did jump in their seats, though. "Screw _you_ , Jack! You swore! When you became a doctor, _you swore_ to protect and to help!"

"Well, that didn't involve me getting thrown back in time, did it?"

" _Who are you_ right now?!" She truly couldn't believe her own eyes and ears. Her feelings for Sawyer aside, what had happened to him? It couldn't just occur when he found out. Something had been happening to him ever since they'd gotten married. "You know," she said in a quiet voice now, just shaking her head at him, "I actually thought that you were such a great guy once."

* * *

In the end, their personal issues set aside, Kate, Juliet and James helped Ben by taking him to the others. Everything seemed broken. Everything seemed to be holding on, on thin threads. And then Faraday came back from the land and immediately gathered them all in James's house once he heard about their arrival.

"We need to leave," Sawyer said and Alice could see that it wasn't easy for him. How could she blame him? He had a home and actual friends in the village and she was taking all of that away from him. Only, he'd done exactly that to her once, she reminded herself. She couldn't help but thinking what would've happened if he'd arrived a day later back then or not at all. She and Jack would have come back home earlier, found a way to send someone back to the island to rescue the rest. Maybe then Widmore's freighter would have never come? Or it would, still… Maybe even then they'd end up in a mess.

"We need to leave because we've been made," James continued. "I keep the guy in my closet for now and I don't know for how long I can do that until someone realizes he's missing."

"It's all right, James, I can help," Faraday offered. "We all need to leave this village anyway. We need to find the hostiles."

"Hostiles?" Jack asked. "Why?"

"Because they can help us."

"Won't they just shoot us first for violating the pact?" Juliet asked. "They barely let James and Kate live after they took Ben to them."

"They won't hurt us because one of them is my mother," Faraday informed and there was silence. "I know that she can get us back to where we belong."

Eventually, they all gathered up and left in small groups. Jack and Kate volunteered to lead the way and Alice refrained herself from saying anything hurtful. Yet, it did sting that they seemed to work together so well. Maybe they'd always had, Alice suddenly realized, remembering their first time around the island. Jack had claimed to dislike Kate then, but she knew better than to think that hate couldn't turn into something completely opposite.

They hoped to grab the needed guns without being noticed, but they failed. Alice was the one to save their lives as she could actually sense what would happen and told them all to get down just in time. Then she took the wheel by shooting at the enemy herself, trying to be in synch with her ability. Actually, accepting this gift instead of trying to repress it, made it more bearable and she didn't feel so sick anymore. She didn't have the time to think about it, though, because they jumped into a car and drove the hell out of the village.

Once they were in a safe distance, they decided to stop for some rest. They had to ditch the car once they entered the jungle anyway. Faraday used that moment to try to explain his plan.

"In about an hour, The Dharma people will drill into a massive pocket of magnetic energy," he informed. "There'll be an incident comparable to Chernobyl and they'll seal it by building a hatch over it and putting the button there. Then Desmond will come to the island and will be pushing that button for three years. One day he'll forget and your plane will crash here and because of that, I will come on the freighter."

"It's nothing we don't know," Jack simply said whereas Alice just sat there quietly, already feeling that she wouldn't like where this one was going.

"I studied relative physics at Oxford," Faraday continued, "and there's one absolute rule that you cannot change what already happened. That you cannot travel back in time. Then it hit me. I spent too much time looking at the constants that I missed the variables and you know what the variables are? It's _us_ , actually breaking the rules and traveling in time, making choices, living. This isn't the past anymore, it's our _present_ and therefore, I think we can change something."

"What that could be?" Jack got interested and Alice just felt sick. She seemed to know already what he was thinking.

"Years ago on this island I came across a hydrogen bomb. If I can get to it and destroy the pocket of magnetic energy with it, your plane will never crash. Flight 815 will land in Los Angeles just like it was supposed to."

"What?!" Both Alice and James asked at once, but they seemed to be the only ones objecting. And when Alice looked at Jack, she felt something breaking inside of her once and for all. She saw it clearly on his face. He was going to trust Faraday. He was going to do exactly what the physicist just said. And therefore he was going to either kill them all or erase everything that had happened ever since the plane crashed.


	22. Chapter 22 sawyer

_She wanted it all to just end. She didn't see the point of boarding the plane, of getting back. What was she getting back to, exactly? A few casual friends and a bookstore? She had no one and nothing else. No life. No close, real friends who would truly care about her. She'd had Annie and that had been enough until… Alice shut her eyes and shook her head, trying to stop the tears, but they were still flowing down her cheeks. Eventually, she went to the airport bathroom and splashed some water over her face. Then she looked at herself in the mirror. She was staring at her face – a face that also belonged to Anne – and she couldn't believe she would never talk to her sister again. As morbid as it sounded, she could get over losing her parents. She would lose them eventually, after all since that was the natural order of things, but she never expected to lose her sister as well. It was just too much. It was the one straw that broke the camel's back and she didn't know how to deal with it, how to live anymore._

 _She actually contemplated breaking the mirror and slashing her wrists with the glass. Only in that moment the door burst open and a man with short blond hair appeared in it._

 _"Oh, I'm so sorry. I could've sworn it was the men's bathroom," he apologized quickly. "Are you all right?" he then asked when taking a closer look at her._

 _"Yeah… Yes, I'm fine. Thank you," she said and he finally left. She just shook her head and blew her nose into a paper towel._

 _By a weird coincidence, she bumped into the very same man when he was walking out of the men's room._

 _He smiled to her and put his hands on her shoulders when they were trying to go each their way._

 _"I'm so sorry. We really need to stop meeting like this."_

 _She actually found herself reciprocating that smile, feeling just a little bit better and seeing things in just a little bit brighter colors._

* * *

Right now they were all going to see the hostiles. Alice decided to leave what she had to say for later, hoping that Eloise, Faraday's mother, would be more reasonable and refuse to help with the bomb. Who in their right minds would help anyway? She wondered. This couldn't just end this way. It didn't matter what Daniel thought he figured out. To Alice they couldn't change anything. Ben getting shot and then being saved by the others and therefore becoming one of them was proof enough for her.

Daniel decided to go see his mother alone and then bring them all back when it was safe, so Alice just sat on a rock, taking a short break and not really looking at anyone present. And then she jumped right to her feet when feeling the sudden fear and the familiar clenching in her stomach. She was ready to run after Faraday to get him back, to tell him not to go there, but Jack immediately caught her, putting his arms around her from behind and preventing her from doing anything. She struggled, pissed at him to dare, yet, once again stop her from doing something she believed was right. They all froze on hearing a gunshot.

"Oh, my God," Alice whispered when Jack finally let her go and she was able to put her hands to her mouth. Daniel was just shot by his own mother. "Are you out of your fucking mind?! I could've stopped this!" She whirled around to her husband, accusation and resentment clear on her face.

"We're gotta get out of here!" Jack just said, ignoring her spiteful remark and pulled her in the opposite to the camp direction, the rest following.

They didn't even manage to get far when a man on a horse cut them off and kicked Jack so hard in the face that he fell down.

"Stop!" both Alice and Kate seemed to scream at the same time, but it was Kate who got to him, cupping his face and asking, "Are you all right? Jack!"

Alice could only look away.

* * *

Once Jack managed to get up, the stranger led them straight to his camp, pointing his gun at them at all times and making it impossible for them to try and escape.

"Richard! I got them all!" he called out proudly to the dark-haired man to whom Faraday had tried to talk earlier. "They broke the pact! We have the right to…"

"Widmore, stop for a moment," Richard just said when raising his hand.

Alice was actually in shock, taking a closer look at the guy who apparently was the young Charles Widmore, the same man who in thirty years would send a freighter with Faraday and the rest to the island.

"Do you know the man I just shot?" the blond woman, Eloise, turned to them to ask.

"Yes," Jack answered and she just nodded before saying, "I want them in my tent."

"Eloise…" Charles started protesting, a warning in his voice.

"I need to talk to them!" she cut him off abruptly and the four of them were taken into her tent just like she wanted. Alice looked at the dark-haired man, curious about who he really was. The current leader? Still, that position seemed to be taken by Faraday's mother. All she knew for now was that there was some kind of a mystical power emanating from him. Then she suddenly remembered his name being once mentioned alongside Jacob's by no one else but John Locke.

"Alice," Jack turned to her when they were seated inside, having nothing to do but wait.

She was so angry at him that she barely held herself together. She could just explode any second now and in their position, it wouldn't do them any good.

"Jack… just don't!" was all she managed to hiss through her clenched teeth.

He wanted to say something else, she could see him already opening his mouth when James cut in, "Leave her alone, ok? She clearly doesn't want to talk to you."

Alice didn't even dare look in Sawyer's direction, too overwhelmed by everything that had happened so far. She didn't know what she felt anymore, the turmoil of her premonitions coming back was enough to throw her off track, not to mention the rage she felt every time she looked at Jack. She suddenly felt trapped by him, incapacitated as though he thought he could make all the decisions and she would blindly follow. If he knew her at all, he wouldn't try to impose his own will on her like this and especially not after what he'd done. And what he kept on doing, seeming determined to only push her further away from him. She suddenly realized he'd been doing that even before they'd left the island in the first place, always putting her own safety first and arguing that she should stay behind while he was risking his life. Well, she was having none of it now.

"Sawyer…" Jack started, his voice losing its patience, so she felt obligated to cut in.

"Jack, you can't do this to us. You just can't," she told him with a glare.

"I agree," Kate spoke to their surprise, but Alice didn't feel as though they could ally now. "Jack, do you know what you sound like?" she leaned closer to him. "He was crazy, too! And you said so yourself!" Clearly, she meant Locke and if Alice wasn't so mad at the woman, she would agree with her. After all, she herself had told that to Jack before they came back to the island.

"Well, I was wrong about him," Jack just said. "If we do what Faraday says, our plane never crashes. All the people that died, will still be alive."

"You never really cared about me or what I wanted, did you?" Alice just asked.

"How can you say that to me?"

"How can I not? You said it yourself, you saved me for _you_. You did it out of selfishness because you wanted me and then apparently, all I was to you was a toy, some kind of a clay that you thought you could shape however you pleased! And once you couldn't control me any longer and made a mistake, hurting me and destroying our marriage, you decided to just _erase_ everything so you could start over?"

"Alice, that's not what…"

"Ok, stop," she said, shaking her head. "Just stop. I don't know why we're even arguing about this since I don't believe it'll work. You'll only kill us all by detonating that bomb."

"You don't know that," he just said in a calm voice and Alice felt so angry again that she wanted to slap him, but in that moment Eloise went inside and she had to restrain herself.

"The man I shot," the blonde said when turning to them, completely ignoring the fact that they were screaming at each other just seconds ago, "what did he need the bomb for?" she asked.

Jack was already opening his mouth, but then he gave up, not really knowing how to say it for her not to think he was crazy. What could he tell her so she would actually understand?

Eloise, clearly seeing his hesitation and understanding it perfectly, continued, "Years ago I met a man who told me we needed to bury the hydrogen bomb and then he disappeared right in front of my bloody eyes. Just now I shot that man and before he died he told me that he was my son. Explain and I will believe you. How is this my handwriting if I don't remember writing it?" She showed them Faraday's journal.

"It's because you haven't written it yet," Jack told her. "You can still save him. We can change things exactly like Faraday said."

At that point, Alice just stood up and left the tent. Jack didn't seem to be the man she thought she knew and he only kept proving that to her.

"Are you all right?" she heard James's voice as she stopped outside and took a deep breath. He must've followed her.

She was actually surprised that Eloise didn't stop them and she was just about to answer him when she saw Widmore pointing a gun at them. She raised her hands up, but wasn't scared at all. She didn't feel like he would hurt them. Still, James moved swiftly, immediately covering her with his body.

Suddenly, they heard Richard saying, "It's ok. Let them go."

Charles sighed heavily and walked away angrily when Alice just turned to Richard and nodded her head as a thank you.

"You're all right?" James repeated his question, but she didn't answer him, she just looked into his eyes and her heart ached when she saw how tormented, confused and hopeless he seemed to be about everything that was happening around them. After all, he'd lost the home he'd found again on this island just to help his friends and they paid him back with _this_.

"Yeah, I'm just peachy," she answered sarcastically. "My world is falling apart around me and I'm fine."

"Alice…"

"I just don't know what to do. I don't even know who I am anymore, James," she said, tears welling up in her eyes. He made a gesture as though he wanted to touch her but then he resigned, letting his arms fall to his sides. "I can't stop him," she continued, clearly meaning Jack, "and he's going to take everything from me! Either he'll erase the past so I'll never meet anyone whom I met on the island or he'll just kill us all! One way or another, we'll lose."

"Maybe we could stop him," James suggested.

Alice nodded, "That's what I want to do, but then… what if we get stuck _here_? I can't imagine my future in this place. Will we join the others? Will we set up our own camp? _How_? We're all in such a mess right now and…" She shook her head and James actually understood. There was truly no way out of the situation. "Even if we joined the others," she picked it up again, "what will happen in thirty years? Will we meet our younger selves crashing on the island? Or what will happen in just a few years? Will we be the ones who tell Ben to kill the whole Dharma Initiative?"

"Honestly, sweetheart, I have no idea," James admitted, hating himself for being so hopeless and not able to come up with a plan. Well, there was a plan. If Eloise believed Jack that they cold detonate the bomb and come back to where they started, maybe it was the right thing to do. Maybe that was what every one of them deserved. Maybe it was what James deserved, to just become the same bad guy he'd used to be. A murderer. Only he still was one since he had pulled the trigger already.

They turned on hearing a commotion and saw Eloise leaving the tent, followed by Jack and Kate. "Richard, I'm taking them to the bomb," she informed.

"Are you sure it's the right call?" he asked.

"I'm positive. It's something I have to do. We need to go right now."

"Have a safe trip and watch out for the baby," he told her and in that moment Alice and the rest understood that Eloise was already pregnant with Daniel.

"Alice, James, are you ready?" Kate had to be the one to ask since Jack preferred not to say anything, afraid he would cause another outburst. And they didn't have time for that.

"I'm not going," Alice said, her mind already made up. She would not be a part of this. If she could still have a choice here, she was making it. "I'm staying behind."

"Alice," Jack finally spoke and she refused to even look at him since every time she did, she just felt that emptiness in her heart where love had used to be.

"No, Jack," she said, talking to the ground beneath her. "I will not be a part of this. I'm safe here. Dharma won't get to me and I don't want to be anywhere near the bomb."

"It's all right with me," Richard assured the man. "She can stay nearby and we will protect her, I promise. No harm will come to her in the vicinity of this village."

"Richard, just think about it for a moment," Widmore started again, but the man in question already made up his mind.

"You are not the leader here, Charles and she is harmless. Stay out of it. And you, Eloise, good luck."

Faraday's mother nodded and then left, taking two of her people with her and, of course, Jack with Kate.

"Richard," Alice turned to the dark-haired man in curiosity. "I actually heard your name before. They said something about you always being here," she deliberately chose the word 'they' instead of 'him'.

" _They_ would be correct," he confirmed.

"How is that even possible?" she wanted to know.

"That is between Jacob and me," he said ambiguously and she knew that asking more would only prove itself to be futile. Richard had already guaranteed her and James's safety, so she couldn't push her luck.

Eventually, she just nodded and walked away, James following.

"You are gifted by Jacob, aren't you?" Richard suddenly asked, which caused her mouth to open in surprise and she came to a stop, whirling back to him.

"H-how?" she finally asked. "How can you tell?"

"It's because I am gifted, too and I guess I could tell you a few things if you really want to know. Don't worry, I will not hurt you. You can tell that, too, don't you?" he asked, just looking at her with those warm brown eyes of his.

"I'm a little confused here," James admitted. "What do you mean she's gifted?"

Alice quickly explained her ability and it only caused him to open his eyes widely. "For real?" he asked and she nodded.

"What can you tell me?" she asked Richard, coming over to him with James by her side. She didn't protest, actually feeling safer with him there.

"On second thoughts, telling you the truth won't make any difference, will it? You're be gone tomorrow anyway," he just said when starting to walk and they followed, understanding he didn't want any of his people to eavesdrop.

"Oh, great, we'll soon be dead anyway so you just tell us whatever we want to know?" Alice asked sarcastically.

"You can't know that," Richard told her. "For all we know, you might truly succeed. I've seen a lot since I got to this island and I can believe anything. Trust me, nothing will surprise me anymore. Now… tell me exactly what you know about me," he encouraged when they found themselves away from the camp and chose a fallen tree to sit on.

"I heard your name only one time," Alice admitted, James being just this silent presence next to her, but it somehow soothed her and made her feel safe, "and I never really understood any of what I heard. Apparently, you were always here. How is that possible?"

"Because of Jacob," Richard just said.

"How old are you exactly?" Alice wanted to know, fascinated by this man and grateful that he gave her something to think about, something that took her mind of the crazy trip Jack and Kate had gone on.

"I stopped counting at some point, but I'm nearly a hundred fifty," Richard informed.

"Damn, man!" James finally spoke. "You look good like for an old guy!"

Alice, on the other hand, was speechless before finally finding her tongue again, "Wow, they really are right when they say you're always here. No one is old enough to say any different. How it happened? How did you manage to live this long without ageing?"

Richard hesitated for a moment before explaining, "I'm… kind of a messenger, a connection between Jacob and the rest of the people on this island. I talk to them in his name, relay the message. The less they know about me, the more power I have and it's not like I enjoy power… I just need it in order to help them. I need to help them follow the right path, because Jacob… he doesn't want to engage."

"So he's like God or something?" Sawyer snorted.

"Why not?" Alice asked, ignoring that remark even though it actually seemed very god-like to her.

"He likes to believe in the best in people. Just before he gifted me, he said that the island is the cork that's holding the evil at bay and if it was to pop out, the evil would spread. He kept on bringing new people here and he watched them, hoping one of them would take his place, take over his job. Only everyone always ended up killing each other. That was until you apparently came along and then actually managed to leave and come back again."

Alice listened carefully, a small wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows. She was intrigued, she could say that much. It turned out that there was some kind of a grand plan behind it all and it kind of overwhelmed her. Jacob – the guardian of the island, a person that could grant a special gift, a grand manipulator… she thought. Without his mysteries and presents, she'd be much happier, she knew that much.

"When did you come here?" James asked Richard.

"1867," they received in answer. "Before that, I had a wife and a clear vision of our future together. We were learning English so we could go to the New World and start a family there. It seemed a much better option than staying in Spain. Only she got sick…" Richard stopped for a moment and Alice could tell that thinking about the past still hurt him even after such a long time.

"It's ok. You don't have to…" she began to say, but he just shook his head when looking at her.

"The first time I confessed to killing a man," Richard continued, "a priest was listening to me and he told me he couldn't grant me absolution for my sins. What I did was an accident and I was going to be killed for it and he…" Richard closed his eyes for a moment. "He just sold me out as a slave instead of granting me the one thing that I wanted."

"I'm sorry," Alice said, shaken up and a little confused by this story.

"I killed my wife's doctor," Richard finally revealed. "It took me half a day to get to the village and be able to see him and he said he wasn't going to travel in such an awful weather. He didn't want my wife's cross, the only valuable thing we had and I just lost it. I pushed him and he fell and hit his head and… and that was it. That's how I got to prison and then was sold as a slave. The ship, the Black Rock, crashed here."

"The Black Rock?" James made sure. "The ship filled with dynamite?!"

"Yes."

"What about your wife?" Alice asked. "Did she get better?"

"When I came back home, she was already dead," he confessed and Alice felt so bad for this poor man that she truly didn't know what to do or say. She felt like crying, but that would be inappropriate since it might cause him to cry as well, she thought, trying to fight the tears.

"Did Jacob save you?" she finally asked in a stifled voice.

"No. The Black Smoke did. Just another person… or thing," Richard thought for a moment, "that tried to use me. Jacob helped me. He granted my wish not to ever die. I was very… religious back there," he admitted. "I mean, I grew up in Spain in the nineteenth century, so naturally I was a Christian. It was once I found myself here that I saw a different world. I saw the whole world changing, actually. At the end of the day, though, I knew it was a mistake. I was wrong. I should have never asked for immortality, but it lies in our very nature to wish for what is worst for us, doesn't it?"

"At least you asked for this. I never ask for my ability," Alice pointed out. "I think Jacob's gifts are really cursed. Mine is killing me."

In that moment James reached for her and tentatively put his arms around her, relieved that she didn't push him away.

"No," Richard denied, "mine is a curse, not yours. Your ability helps you see more, Alice, while I got mine because I wasn't brave enough to die, because I wasn't ready for what comes next. I didn't want to be judged."

"You know that this priest of yours was probably a much worse man than you ever were?" Alice asked Richard. "He refuses to grant you absolution and then he accepts a payment and sells you off? Who does that? If you ask me, I never believed in confession in the presence of a priest. You want God to forgive you? Pray to _Him_. Talk to Him on your terms," she advised.

"It's too late. I'm already immortal," Richard just sighed. "And coming back to Jacob and his gifts… the best things in life come to you when you don't ask for them because you don't know what to ask for. If he gave you this ability, he did it for a reason. That much I'm sure of."

Alice actually snorted when she heard that. "I got what I got because I had the potential. I had a dead twin sister and an open connection."

"Doesn't mean it didn't happen for a reason."

No, she just couldn't admit him right. She just couldn't. From all she heard, Jacob was a manipulator. Without him, they might've never come to this island. Then she realized that she started to think like Jack. No, she didn't regret her time spent on the island because it helped her heal after the loss of her family.

"Is Jacob also the one who heals people or decide if they're going to be healed?" she then asked Richard, remembering that Jack hadn't been healed like Jin had.

He seemed surprised by that question.

"My knowledge is limited, Alice. All I know is that Jacob is capable of giving people something when they have the potential, when he sees something more in them. I… I was just convenient. He needed a servant, a mediator, so he granted me my wish. He didn't want to help me. It was from purely selfish reasons. All I know is that the island always has a reason. You just haven't found it yet."

"I'm grateful for all the information, I really am," Alice said after a moment of thinking, "but I'm still confused. I got some answers, but I have so many more questions now."

"Don't give up on him just yet," Richard then said and she looked at him in surprise, but he was already standing up. "He might be right."

"You mean Jack?" she guessed. "No, he's not."

"Well, maybe you'll be surprised. I have to go. I have things to do. You two are welcome to say as long as you wish, though, just as I promised."

With Richard gone, Alice and James were just sitting in silence for a while before she finally asked, "How can we stop him? I don't want him to detonate that bomb. I'd rather stay here than risk my life or risk forgetting," she confessed when meeting James's eyes and for the first time since their night together, she actually let her feelings out.

He must've seen it in her eyes because he cupped her face gently and gazed into her pupils. "Me neither," he told her before risking it and kissing her.

She didn't pull away or slap him across the face, so that was a good sign, he thought. Still, he never found out whether she would kiss him back, because they heard voices and were forced to part. Jack and the rest were back.

* * *

Alice and James reached their people just in time to see that Kate was on Jack's side and Juliet joined on the way. It came as a shock or maybe it shouldn't, really. Kate just wanted to do right by Claire, to give her another chance to stay with Aaron, to keep him in a real world. Besides, she probably wanted the mistake she'd made with Jack gone.

Yet, Alice still claimed they were all wrong, trying to detonate that bomb. In the end, she was surprised that James asked for a moment so he could talk to Jack alone.

"I really don't think it's a good idea," she warned him before letting him go.

"Alice, this is something I have to do," he just said and took the man in question aside.

"Ok, listen, doc," he started awkwardly, still feeling wrong that the man had caught him leaving Alice's house in the morning, "I know you screwed up and screwed up badly, but are you really willing to blow a damned nuke just for a second chance? Or maybe your plan is to erase everything, especially my relationship with Alice? Is that really your revenge, Jack? You lost her, so no one else can have her? Is that it? We both know what kind of a man I was back when the plane crashed… Still, you don't have the right to punish her for it. You can lay it all out on me, doc, I can take it, but stop hurting her." As he said that, Sawyer was pretty damn sure that Jack would kick the crap out of him, especially when he noticed how all this coiled energy in doc seemed to radiate off of him. Yet, the man remained in control of his actions.

"I tried to shield her, Sawyer," he said to James's astonishment, "I tried to protect her from all my problems, from the darkness that's been gathering there inside of me and…" he just shook his face, "I failed."

"Damn it, doc!" Surprisingly, James was the one who lost it first and started screaming, not even caring that they rest might hear. "That's exactly the problem!" he yelled, pissed off. "You never gave her enough credit to begin with! She's stronger than you think! In fact, she's stronger than you!"

"Oh, really?" Jack just asked, affected by Sawyer's outburst. "You didn't _even know_ her back there! You didn't _care_! If it wasn't for me, she'd be dead!"

"So you expect a medal for that, pal?" James asked. "Or her eternal devotion?"

The fist finally came and it actually hurt more than James anticipated. Jack had really put everything in it and the blond found himself lying on the ground. Yet, he got right back up and continued, "How can she be devoted to you, however wrong it sounds since we got a damned twenty first century and she's a hell of an amazing and independent woman?! Pushing that aside, _how can she_ if you screwed her friend behind her back?!" Sawyer roared, pissed that he'd trusted Jack with taking care of Alice and the man had done nothing but hurt her in return.

Jack hit him again and this time he spilled blood.

"I could say the same to you!" he hollered at James who by now was wiping the blood from his split lip.

"Well, I am sorry for having feelings!" James screamed, taking a swing as well, but before he managed to reach the doctor, he was lying on the ground again and Jack actually kicked him, knocking the breath out of him and causing him to wheeze.

"JACK!" Alice screamed as she came running. "Jack, STOP!" she screamed when he kicked Sawyer again, ignoring her completely.

Eventually, she had to throw herself at James so Jack would stop. Still, she was sure he would kick her, too, but he did stop himself just in time, seeing that she covered James with her own body. He met her eyes and she was terrified of what she saw there, of the hate and hurt, determination and stubbornness. Did he really believe he could get away with just about anything now because soon he would be able to erase it all?

"I'm sorry I've been trying to do the right thing ever since I met her!" James yelled when finally getting his voice back. Alice was cradling his head in her laps, desperately trying to wipe away the blood and make sure it wasn't as bad as it looked. "I'm sorry for never believing I was good enough for her!" James continued when actually sitting up. "I'm sorry I finally caved!" he added when shakily getting up to his feet, Alice following and holding on to his shoulder so he wouldn't fall back down. "I only caved when I pushed her back into _your_ arms! I told her to go to you and fix her marriage and _you_ were the one who hurt her the most then! _You_ were the one who ultimately pushed her away, Jack! Not me!"

Jack turned away from them for a second, tears welling up in his eyes, his body shaking before he took one last swing at James.

It was Alice who reacted, grabbing James and pulling him away from the line of fire, but it only caused them both to lose their balance and they ended up back on the ground. This time James was too weak and depleted to even try to get up and she just held on to him, her arms put around his neck from behind.

When she looked up at Jack, she was frozen inside by the hatred she saw in his eyes. He truly seemed like a stranger who was just wearing a distorted face of someone who'd used to be her husband.

"Jack, you can't be serious," she tried to reason with him one more time, even though she was just one person against three at the moment. "You can't do this. You can't erase everything. And what if it really doesn't work? You'll kill us all!"

"It will work," he assured her, resembling a maniac, a sick person convinced that he was right.

"I don't want things to reset!" she screamed, by now crying out of hopelessness.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before saying in a calm voice, "I am giving you a chance to start over, a chance at a better life."

"Oh, really?" she snorted, shocked by the hatred she felt for him. "You're forcing me to go back to the darkest period of my life and you call _that_ a chance?! If you ever truly loved me, you wouldn't want me to go through that again!"

"But I am going to be there to help you!"

"Actually, we might not even meet and you know what?! I wish that! You have no right to do this to me, to us! You have no right to decide about my life like this! You can't possibly fix _everything_ , Jack!"

"Just let him go," James suddenly said in a weak voice. "Maybe he is right, after all."

"What?" She shifted her eyes to Sawyer in surprise. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Maybe that's how things are supposed to be," he said. "I shouldn't try to steal you away from him. Maybe I should…"

"James, you didn't steal me! He lost me all by himself!" she denied quickly, clearly lost in her emotions and not knowing anymore what she felt. I was just too much all at once.

"Still, I don't deserve you," he just said. "Maybe me becoming the bastard I once was is all I deserve. Maybe all those people who died… Boone, Shannon, Libby, Ana Lucia… maybe they all deserve another chance."

Alice just shook her head frantically when crying.

"James…"

"You and Jack had this perfect relationship and I…"

"It was _never_ perfect. Far from it," Alice said when she looked up at Jack. "It wasn't even close to perfect," she told him, trying to just hurt him back now. "You were always despotic, Jack and you hid it well."

"Doesn't matter now," James said silently. "You know well we can't stop him."

"What do you sense, Alice?" Jack suddenly asked.

"What?" She frowned.

"What do you _sense_? Is there any danger?"

She thought about it when reading into her body's signals and she discovered that she, indeed, didn't feel anything and it surprised her. Could it be…? Could it be that this was really the right thing to do? Yet, she still refused to think that.

"I will fix this," he promised and then he simply walked away.

Alice wanted to get up and to follow, to still try and stop him, but James prevented her from doing it.

"No, Alice, don't. What if he hurts you?"

"He would never…" she started, but then thought about it for a moment. She realized in horrification that she couldn't be sure anymore.

"He already believes that whatever he's doing will reset everything so none of us would even remember. He's capable of just about anything now," James assured her, groaning in pain as he tried to sit up.

"But I want to remember," Alice cried, feeling like she was losing her mind, feeling trapped. Her choice was taken away from her and there was nothing she could do to stop what was coming, to stop herself from forgetting everything. Jack was right. She didn't feel any threat coming, so she could easily assume they would manage to reset everything and… "I want to remember!" she screamed, the knowledge of what she would lose, of what would soon happen becoming unbearable to her. "I want to remember _you_ ," she confessed to James as she cupped his face still covered in blood and looked him in the eye. "James, I want to remember you," she repeated. "I came back here to get _you_."

They suddenly heard shots being fired in the distance. It already started. Kate, Juliet and Jack were trying to put the bomb in place.

"James…"

"Alice, whatever happens," he told her, putting his hands on her face as well, "whatever happens, know that I love you," he confessed. "I always have."

She was already opening her mouth to say something, to respond when they heard even more screams. Somebody was screaming Juliet's name and soon after that, there was this blinding light and everything was just… gone.


	23. Chapter 23 sawyer

_A particularly bad turbulence shook her awake and she looked around, feeling a little disoriented. It wasn't often that she could actually fall asleep on a plane, she was usually too scared, but after everything that had happened back in Australia, she ordered a glass of something stronger and she could never handle her liquor._

 _There was an empty seat next to her as the plane wasn't full and she actually welcomed that with relief. She didn't feel like making any small-talk. Not now. Not after what she'd had to go through. Not after what she'd had to go through ever since instead of leaving for Australia with her family, she stayed for love._ Love _, she thought, such a foolish notion. Maybe it was always meant to crumble into ashes, maybe humans were just an imperfect species and weren't able to hold on to it. And it wasn't even as she hadn't been, oh no, she'd been so devoted to her husband._ He _destroyed them and_ he _alone. And of course she had to be the one to suffer because of it._

 _Alice felt a desperate need to talk to her best friend, but unfortunately she couldn't seem to reach Shannon. She'd tried many times just before going to Australia, but failed. It wasn't exactly newsflash that her friend tended to disappear only to reappear a few weeks or even months later, so she wasn't worried._

 _"Alice?" she suddenly heard a familiar voice, but in the same time she couldn't really believe he was there._

 _She looked up and it was confirmed – he truly was!_

 _"Boone!" she called out his name. She's just been thinking about his sister, so it was a shock that he suddenly materialized right before her eyes. "What are you even doing here?"_

 _"May I?" He pointed the free seat right next to her and she nodded, telling him it was empty anyway._

 _"What were you doing in Australia?" Alice asked, still stunned because really, of all the planes and all the places to be…_

 _"I could ask you the same thing!"_

 _"Honestly, I don't really want to talk about this right now or else I just break down," she said._

 _"Are you sure? You know that if you need any help…"_

" _It's fine, Boone, really. I can handle it," she assured him, forcing herself to take her mind off everything that she'd had to go through when in Australia, because she didn't want to start crying all over again. "Why don't_ you _tell me what you were doing there?"_

 _He sighed before he answered and that could only mean one thing – trouble with his sister._

 _"Shannon met some guy there. You know, same old story. She loves him and she won't come back home with me."_

 _"That explains why I couldn't reach her when I wanted to talk to her," Alice murmured under her breath._

 _"Yeah, that's just typical Shannon. All she does is disappear. But she's not that bad, you know. If only she knew you needed her…"_

 _"She'd already be by my side, I know," Alice admitted, knowing that Shannon was many things and as much as she didn't exactly agree with the girl's lifestyle, she was her best friend and was always then when Alice needed her._

" _Listen, here's Shannon's Australian number, so you could reach her."_

 _"That's great. Thank you."_

* * *

At first she was confused to what happened and to where she was. Then it all came running back to her and she sat up straight, seeing the trees all around her as she placed her hands to her face, taking a deep breath and looking for memories she shouldn't have. If she was alive, she should be on LA Lax right now, shouldn't she? And if she didn't, and if she wasn't dead… What _if_ …? She started thinking intensely.

Jack was right, the fact that she hadn't felt any danger coming once he'd set off to detonate the bomb had to mean something. Maybe they were, indeed, meant to detonate it, but the outcome could be totally different. What if… they were simply _back_. _Back to their timeline_.

 _James_ , she remembered, scared for the state the man had been in before they were hit with that strange light.

She looked around and there he was, just lying on the grass right next to her, not moving.

"James!" she called out his name. "James, can you hear me?" She put her hands on him and gently stirred him awake.

To her relief, he was alive which she could easily deduce by the moan escaping his lips and then he turned on his back and looked up at the sky above.

"Alice?" he said her name immediately when shifting his gaze to her. "What happened?"

"I think we're back."

"What do you mean?" he was still confused as he sat up slowly and pressed his hands to his head. "God, my head is killing me," he complained.

"I think we're back to our own timeline," she finally said it aloud, having trouble wrapping her mind around it all. "Jack was wrong. We were all wrong!"

James's eyes opened widely and they both got to their feet.

"Where's the rest?" he asked, still a little out of it.

"Are you all right? I hope you don't have a concussion or anything," she made sure, pretty concerned about him at the moment and she almost winced at the memory of Jack assaulting him earlier.

"I'll be fine. Let's go to the hatch. They should be there."

They slowly started off in that direction and then they were forced to speed up as they heard screams.

When they reached the place, they spotted Jack and Kate standing over what was left from the hatch, the implosion Desmond and Locke had caused obviously doing the damage.

"What's wrong?" Alice just asked when making her way to them and avoiding looking at Jack. He did seem a little perplexed when he spotted her.

"It's Juliet. She fell down there," Kate explained.

"Let me through!" James growled when getting to the hole in the ground and feeling lightheaded as he realized the woman couldn't have survived. "Juliet!" he still screamed her name and heard nothing in response. Then he faced Jack. "You were wrong!" Before Alice managed to warn Jack, Sawyer hit him and the doctor nearly lost his balance, his hand immediately going up to his by now bleeding lip. "She's dead because of you!" Still, it wasn't as though Alice would actually warn him. He deserved anything that was coming his way, she decided, still having the image of bloody and battered James in her mind. "She's dead because you were wrong!" Sawyer screamed and hit Jack one more time.

"Sawyer!" Kate yelled, trying to stop him and Alice could just stand there, feeling terribly confused about everything. They were back to their own timeline and they should be happy about it, but then again, they still had no idea what to do next.

"I'm sorry," Jack said to all of their surprise, his voice desperate, broken. His face was, too, Alice noticed. Maybe he was finally seeing what he'd done to them all, what kind of person he'd turned into. "I thought it would work. I really did," Jack added, his shoulders slumped. He looked defeated.

In that moment, a Dharma car pulled over and Jin stepped out of it, saying that Sayid was bleeding out in the back and they needed Jack. Alice was kind of curious to why the car traveled through time with them, but she figured that it happened with objects they were currently using like clothes.

Jack simply ran to take care of the Iraqi and he didn't look back at the people he was leaving behind even once. Kate followed anyway and Alice nearly scowled at that. Instead, she turned to Sawyer.

"James," she said in a soothing voice as she placed her hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry. I know you cared about her."

"It's not that. I just feel guilty," he explained when meeting Alice's eyes. "I was the one to ask her to stay behind, you know? I just…" He shook his head, tears flooding his eyes that he tried hard to stop. "I just couldn't bear the thought of being left alone in Dharma and I convinced them all to stay. With Jin it was easy as all he ever wanted was to find a way back home and to our timeline so he could be with Sun again, but Juliet… She wanted to leave even though she could never see her sister. But I asked her to stay. She started having feelings for me because of it and I…" He shook his head again. "Alice," he suddenly turned to her, "what happened between us, that was the best night of my life," he confessed in a broken voice, "and to think… to actually believe you could return those feelings I had for you… it meant _everything_ to me, but we were fooling ourselves."

"James…" Something dropped in her stomach as she heard that.

"We were fooling ourselves because for every ounce of happiness I get, somebody always winds up getting hurt. Like Jack… like Juliet…"

"You know well what Jack has been doing…" she started and James just nodded.

"I do, but that doesn't make it all ok, Alice. You have to settle all those things between you. You need to know what you want, because I don't think you do now. There's just too much going on. We need to find a way out of this island first."

"James!" she still called after him when he walked towards the car.

Like on a cue, Jack chose that moment to get out of it and Alice could see clearly on his face that he couldn't do anything to help Sayid.

"I can help!" they suddenly heard Hugo calling out to them and they all looked at him. "A guy named Jacob told me how," he added.

"Jacob who?" Jack just asked with a frown, not having heard the name before.

"Jacob?" Alice, on the other hand, got interested, a recognition clear in her voice.

"You know him?" Jack turned to her in surprise.

"He's the guardian of the island, kind of a leader of the leader. Apparently, he's the one who's given us all those special abilities," she relayed what she knew.

"Well, he's kind of… dead," Hurley informed.

"So you can see him?" Alice's interest was piqued. Was this another gift Jacob had given?

"Yeah… I kind of… can talk to the dead, dude."

"Well, I still don't know what to think of Jacob. We just barely found out about him ourselves," Alice risked a glance at James, "but I guess we have no choice here but to listen to him."

"Then we're going to the temple," Hugo informed and they all looked at him incredulously.

"Lead the way," Jack just said.

* * *

 _Alice could finally let out a breath of relief when the plane landed and she was safely back on the ground. She never liked flying and there was just something about this flight that caused her to feel ill at ease. She said her goodbye to Boone, having received Shannon's phone number and she proceeded to get her luggage._

 _There was a lot of people and all the bags were showing up very slowly, so by the time she got hers, she was already angry and tired. She grabbed it and immediately moved to the exit, choosing stairs instead of the crowded elevator._

 _Maybe that was a mistake because once she reached level one and directed herself to the doors leading outside, the closest elevator door slid open and a woman ran out of it, bumping into her and knocking her off her feet._

 _Alice felt like crying when lying on the floor and already feeling a major bruise forming on her thigh. This day truly couldn't get any worse. The woman who'd run into her didn't even stop to say she was sorry or to see if she was all right._

" _Hey, you ok?" she suddenly heard a male voice and then felt him place his hand on her shoulder. "Do you need any help?" He held out his hand to her then and she took it without even thinking about it._

 _He helped her to her feet and she saw that he was a tall and handsome blond with longish hair. He smiled to her when his blue eyes met hers._

" _Thank you," she said, smiling right back and feeling her bad mood disappearing, evaporating into thin air. She wanted to reach for her bag, but he was there first, taking it and carrying it for her._

" _Let me," he offered, "it's the least I can do. Are you all right?" he asked one more time._

" _Yeah, yes," she said quickly, bringing her hand to her hair nervously. Did she look good? She stared wondering. Definitely not, she decided when remembering that she'd spent the last few hours on a plane. "It's very nice of you."_

" _I think I've seen you before," he noticed when they moved together to the exit. "On the plane. Flight 815?"_

" _What a small world!" she was truly surprised. She also regretted that he hadn't come over on the plane. They would've had more time to talk if he had. Only she'd slept almost through the whole thing so maybe he hadn't had a chance, after all._

" _Listen, there's a nice bar not so far away from here if you wanted to maybe get a drink. My treat," he offered when they found themselves outside._

" _Sounds good to me," she accepted without even thinking about it. "Lead the way… um…" she realized she didn't even know his name._

" _James. James Ford."_

" _Nice to meet you, James. I'm Alice Stevens."_

* * *

Alice was just sitting alone outside the temple. All that followed their arrival there was still a shock to her. They focused on saving Sayid and then they saw him die and come back to life. She didn't even have the strength to be surprised, so many impossible things always seemed to be taking place on this island. She actually wished for the normality back home, for the safety of her apartment, of the modern world, even though nowhere was truly safe. Then she reminded herself that technically she lived in Jack's place as they'd never gotten a house together.

If by some miracle, they'd manage to get back home, they would face even more problems. Was he even well enough? She wondered. Did he still need rehab? Did she still love him after _everything_? Could they rebuild what they'd once had? And what about James? She couldn't just disregard him as she had feelings for him and she couldn't deny that any longer, him confessing his love to her still fresh in her mind even though he did the noble thing in letting her go. Because that was exactly what it was, him being noble. She cared about him more than she was willing to admit and maybe she'd always had. Maybe she'd been lying to herself this whole time because she'd thought it would never work between them. And maybe it wouldn't, only now he was such a different person as he'd grown so much and he'd done it all for himself, she knew that much as she hadn't even been there to witness it.

She was a bad party there, too, she decided. She wasn't the model wife for Jack just like he wasn't the model husband. They'd both hurt each other and both made mistakes. Or were they really mistakes? Yes, she was angry at him for not even trying to discuss the problem they'd had with her in the first place and then just leaving. She'd tried to help him, hadn't she? She'd tried to reach out to him. Hadn't she been trying enough? Then again, how could she help a person who didn't want to accept her help?

"Hi," she suddenly heard his voice and looked up from her sitting position to see him standing there. "I come in peace, I promise," he raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Can we talk?"

"I think maybe we should," she finally agreed, letting him join her.

"Alice, I…" he sighed when looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you and I hope you know that."

"I do," she admitted with a nod. "I never wanted to hurt you either. I… I didn't even _think_ , to be honest." No, she just _felt_ and somehow that seemed to be even worse when it came to doing right by him.

"Yeah," he agreed, also with a nod. "We do that a lot, don't we?"

"There's just one thing I can't understand, Jack," she admitted, "and I think you owe me an explanation."

"Shoot," he encouraged.

"Why did you push me away? Didn't I try hard enough to help you? You just… you just shut me off and left."

They were sitting in silence for a moment before he finally managed to answer, "I think Sawyer was right."

"About what?"

"I know I told you that I trusted you, Alice and that the fact that you wanted to give up on our own life didn't haunt me, but it did," he confessed when looking at her from aside. "I'm sorry, but I think that deep down inside I was always trying to protect you. I never wanted to burden you with my problems because I was afraid I would drag you down with me."

"You never gave me enough credit, did you?" She met his eyes.

"Maybe I didn't," he agreed calmly.

"So I was just another Sara to you," she then said.

"I…" he started and stopped. "No. You were different, but… ah, maybe you're right. Maybe you were. But I loved you. I really did."

She tried not to wince at the past tense of it all.

"I really loved you, too," she eventually said.

"Maybe in the end, we're just different people?" he asked after another short moment of silence.

"Maybe." She shivered, suddenly feeling cold and hugging herself. "But we were happy once. We belonged once."

"Yes, we did," he agreed. "I'm really sorry for everything, Alice," he apologized again. "I'm sorry for hurting you, for hurting Sawyer… I'm sorry for being the stubborn old me, for not letting go."

"Do you think that maybe if you did let go at some point, we'd be in an entirely different place now?" she suddenly asked, watching James from a distance and feeling a pang in her chest.

"Maybe, but you know me, I'm not much of a man of faith, Alice. What happened, happened."

"Says a man who tried to change it all."

"I was wrong and I am sorry for that, too. I'm sorry I tried to change your life without your assent. That wasn't right."

"It means a lot to me that you're willing to admit that," she assured him when meeting his eyes again and remembering the times they were in love. They'd been happy, she reminded herself, feeling her heart ache. So happy. They'd managed to find happiness even amidst all the drama and tragedy going around the first time on the island.

"Do you think we could go back?" he asked then.

"Without the hydrogen bomb erasing everything?" she asked with a question, desperate to see some humor in this tragedy, but finding none.

"Yeah, I don't think so either," he agreed.

She touched his hand there for a moment, remembering the past they'd shared and maybe letting go.

Then she watched him leave.

In that moment, it hit her. She wasn't that lonely and scared girl she's used to be anymore. Somehow, being with Jack always made her feel that way, as though she was too fragile, too delicate. Now she knew it was because of his unspoken concern. She also knew that she was strong enough to overcome anything thrown her way. She might've been a weak person once, but ever since she'd only been building herself up. Yes, she would never again even think of trying to take her own life. As she now thought of the person she'd used to be, it seemed nearly incomprehensible to her that she's been that silly romantic who'd felt the need to live again just because Jack had kissed her and told her he wanted her to. He'd made her go on living, but maybe all this time she should've been strong enough to do it on her own. Maybe she'd always been, she suddenly realized with a gasp, remembering that she hadn't let herself drown when the plane crashed, that she hadn't let herself gone as far as to actually taking her own life; it was just when she saw her sister that she listened to that apparition, being manipulated by it. If it hadn't been for that, Alice wouldn't have tried to kill herself and that realization hit her full on and somehow it made her feel euphoric. Because in the end she never was that fragile girl Jack had taken her for.

She spotted Sawyer again, this time talking to Hugo and she thought that maybe he hadn't been that heartless bastard he'd painted himself to be either. He'd just built an impenetrable armor around himself that she'd somehow penetrated without even realizing it.

It was time for a brave, new her. It was time to meet the woman that she always was deep down in her heart. She'd just forgotten her.

* * *

Alice never found the time to figure out what it was that she truly wanted as all hell broke loose and they had to leave the temple, because Locke – but not really Locke, only the Black Smoke that looked like him – destroyed everything.

Luckily for them, they were mostly all right and back on the beach, actually reuniting with the rest of the survivors of the Ajira flight. It was a relief to see most of them alive and fine, especially Sun.

"He knows what we should do next. Jacob instructed him," Ilana, a survivor of the crash, informed when pointing Richard and there was silence. Alice was just surprised to see him there.

Only to her and the rest's astonishment, Richard laughed.

"You're waiting for me to tell you what to do? Seriously? I have no idea!" He spread his hands. "But it doesn't matter. Nothing you do will matter."

"And why is that?" Jack asked, turning to Richard.

"Because we're all dead," the man answered. "And we're all in hell."

"Ok, this is just crazy…" Jack started, but Richard wasn't listening. He walked away instead.

"Let me handle this, guys," Hugo suddenly asked and followed Alpert. The rest decided to listen to him since he was the one who could see Jacob, however crazy it seemed.

"Same old, same old, hah?" James asked when coming over to Alice.

She decided to use the time they had now to rest, so she sat down on the sand near the shore, just looking at the ocean as she'd used to. It soothed her.

"Tell me about it," she chuckled when hugging her knees to her chest. Then she got serious, "I talked to Jack."

"I saw."

"I don't think we can…"

"Don't," James suddenly interrupted her and she just needed to look at him. "Don't say anything. Let's just sit here. Let's just be friends like we used to."

"I don't think you understand what I'm trying to tell you," Alice dared point out. She couldn't just let it go like this. James seemed too… defeated to her, as though he'd already given up and lost hope. As though he'd lost _her_.

She did feel sorry for what happened to her relationship with Jack, she did feel ache in her chest when she remembered how there'd used to be and what was now, but it belonged to the past and she just couldn't stifle the feelings she had now once she finally admitted them.

Then she remembered the first kiss she'd shared with James and it was like a new beginning. The one night they'd had, however hard it was for her to admit, was the best in her life just like it was for him. She remembered how she cradled him all beaten bloody in her arms, as she tried to protect him from Jack. She remembered how Sawyer had first opened up to her, how their bizarre relationship started. How he'd come back for her, risking his life when sneaking into the others' camp, how he said goodbye to her when he chose to go with Locke just by taking her into his arms and whispering into her ear for her to get everything she wanted from life and then kissing her cheek so softly. What if what she wanted was actually him?

"Maybe I don't," he finally said, "but it doesn't matter."

"So you're just giving up?" she asked, taken aback. "I heard you, you know, I was there. You still don't think you're worthy of any kind of affection, James, but you're wrong. I don't believe you ever wanted to be this cold bastard you were when I met you. I think it was just defense mechanism to protect you from getting hurt again, to keep people away from you when you already lost your family. Don't you see that we're the same?"

"Yours wasn't exactly killed by your father," he pointed out bitterly.

"Maybe not, but I lost them all the same and all too soon. Look at me," she told him when turning to him and placing her hands on his face. "I care about you. I always have. I care about you so much that I can't salvage my marriage. Me and Jack… we just don't see any way we could do it now."

James closed his eyes for a moment and then turned his head back to the ocean, so she lost her hold on him.

"You stood by me no matter what," he started when staring into the horizon and not looking at her, "even when I hit the darkest period of my life, even when I took the real Sawyer's life…" he stopped as the memory was too much for him. "I want you to know that I regret it, Alice. I regret losing my cool. I regret… killing him, because in the end it only made me feel worse like I was truly… becoming him," he confessed and she wanted nothing more than to hold him in that moment, but in the same time she knew she couldn't just yet. He wouldn't want her to. "I'm just not sure I would ever be able to go on after that if it wasn't for you. _You_ saved _me_ ," he confessed when finally meeting her eyes and she felt so much at that moment that she couldn't even process it. The realization hitting her full on. "Thanks to you I haven't succumbed to the darkness, thanks to you I didn't become the person I killed. You know, the thing that actually mattered the most to me was that despite it all, despite all the crap I pulled, you never tried to change me yourself. I changed because _I_ wanted to, not because you did. And that made all the difference. That's why I love you. In fact, you're the only woman I've ever truly loved."

She could only stare into his eyes, feeling at loss for words. Then, when she was finally opening her mouth to answer him, they heard a commotion in the distance and saw that both Hugo and Richard were back.

"Pack up your bags. We're leaving. We need to stop Locke from leaving the island by destroying the plane," they heard.

Before Alice managed to ask why the hell they had to destroy the only means of transport that could actually get them off the island for good, they saw Ilana coming out of the jungle. She reached them quickly and showed them what she had in her backpack – it was dynamite.

"I went to the Black Rock to get it. We'll just get to the Hydra island and use it on the plane," she informed.

"It's not what Jacob wants!" they all heard Hugo protesting as he made his way to the woman.

"You don't know what Jacob wants! How can you?!" Ilana got angry with him. "The only thing that matters right now is stopping Locke from leaving. This way we'll be safe."

"We all heard how you're here to protect the so-called candidates, meaning us," Hurley wasn't giving up, "but I'm telling you, this is not the way!"

"Oh, no, we are going there! We are going to the Hydra island right now," Ilana was saying as she went further away to get the water bottles, "and we're going to blow up this damned plane because we're supposed to do that!" she kept on yelling and then she put the backpack on the ground and… it blew up.

Luckily for them, they weren't standing close enough to get hurt as well.

"We need to go and get more dynamite!" they heard Richard saying immediately as though nothing happened.

Alice frowned, thinking that something must've happened to her hearing, because what he was implying was simply crazy.

"Richard, what are you saying?" she turned to him.

"We need to get more dynamite and blow up that plane, so Ilana didn't die in vain," he rephrased.

"Haven't it crossed your mind that her blowing up was a sign that we really _shouldn't_?" Jack simply asked and Alice was definitely with him on that.

"No, I'm right. You'll just have to trust me."

"All right," Hugo said to their surprise. "We should do it."

"What?" Alice still argued. "What are you even talking about? Just a minute ago you were saying…"

"Well, I changed my mind. Just trust me on this." He turned to her and she could've sworn that she saw him winking at her imperceptibly. And he must've really done it since Jack just took off right after Richard and Hurley. Alice didn't know what the big guy's plan was, but she felt like she could trust him.

* * *

Once they reached the Black Rock and stopped for a minute so Richard could prepare a bag for the dynamite he was going to get, Alice was only more and more confused. If they got this far, what Hugo's plan even was?

She received her answer just a second later as they all heard him scream, "Get back! Get back!" when he was running towards them from the ship.

They didn't know how he'd gotten there before them all, but then again, no one actually paid much attention to him and no one truly believed he could do anything heroic or be faster in rescuing someone. Right now that worked to his advantage.

Jack grabbed Alice's arm, yanking her backwards and she ran with him as they heard the ship blowing up. When they finally looked at it, it was a burning mess.

"Why did you do that?!" Richard got angry with Hurley.

"It's what Jacob wants," Hugo answered him bravely. "He also told me to go talk to Locke."

"No! I don't believe you!"

"Dude, he's standing right next to me right now!"

"Really? Then ask him what the island is," Richard demanded. "He told me once. I want to hear it coming from you right now."

"I don't have to prove anything to you, Richard. You can either come with me or blow things up. Your choice, dude," Hugo said as though the first part of it was really a message relayed from Jacob.

"Jacob isn't here," Richard said with confidence, "I'm sure of it. We need to protect this place. Alice, James," he suddenly turned to look at them one at the time, "I told you what the island is. You know how important it is to keep it safe."

Alice knew that. She knew the story about the cork and she'd seen enough so far to actually believe it. Although she didn't believe that Jacob would condone blowing the plane to keep them all… On second thoughts, she did believe it. Jacob seemed like a good guy, but his interest lay only in protecting the place they were in right now. It didn't really extend to anything else or even to their lives.

"I'm sorry, Richard," Alice found herself saying, "but I'm with Hugo on this."

"Damn right we are," James backed her up.

Richard just nodded, respecting their decisions and Alice appreciated that very much.

Eventually, they left Richard behind and followed Hugo to the place where Locke resided.

"I didn't actually see Jacob there," Hurley confessed to Jack on their way and as Alice heard that, her heart reached out to the big guy because he felt so bad for lying. "I only said that so everyone would go with me."

"I know," Jack simply said to his surprise.

"Then why?" Hugo asked.

"Why what?" Jack asked him.

"Why did you trust me?"

"I was so sure once, Hugo," Jack explained. "And it got Juliet killed. Maybe I'm supposed to let go, so it's time that you lead us."

They finally reached Locke's camp and after Hugo spoke for them all and made sure they wouldn't be harmed in any way, Jack, Alice, James and the rest finally came out of hiding. The first person Alice saw was John – or the thing pretending to be him – and then she spotted someone she hadn't seen for a very long time. Someone she'd thought was lost - Claire.

Jack froze on seeing the woman. After all, Claire was his half-sister and none of them had known that when they'd been around each other.

Locke turned to Jack, still recognizing him and not Hurley for the leader and wished to talk to him.

"Dude, so you," Hugo just said.

Alice watched with worry as Jack and John retreated, but then she just walked over to Claire, James and Kate following.

"Claire, it's so good to see you," she turned to the woman since she had nothing better to say. She discovered that she only had a fleeting memory of the blonde and only thought about her more because she turned out to be Jack's half-sister and because she was Aaron's mother.

She'd changed so much, Alice decided when taking a good look at the woman. The hair was all tangled up and she was pretty sure there was no way Claire could ever comb it and would have to cut most of it anyway. She also seemed different somehow, changed and Alice wasn't sure if it was for the better.

"Hi, Alice. Good to see you, too," Claire said and gave her an awkward hug after which she shifted her eyes to Kate and… suddenly threw herself at her, a knife in her hand.

* * *

"Yeah, that happened," James just said when joining Alice as she was sitting on a fallen tree. "Chick had a trip to the cuckoo's nest." He clearly meant Claire. Luckily for Kate, Locke managed to stop the crazy blonde and actually convinced her to apologize.

"Yeah… it makes you think she's a completely different person," Alice agreed morosely.

"Alice, listen, we're gonna ditch Locke," he suddenly informed when making sure no one was around to eavesdrop.

"What?"

"I've met with Widmore in the woods and we had a brief chat. I made a deal with him."

"What… What are you even…?" Alice was too shocked to form a coherent sentence.

"I needed to… get away for a moment," James said, probably meaning he needed to pee, Alice guessed, "and he surprised me. He doesn't want us hurt, he just wants Locke. I did the only thing I could and promised him we'd sell Locke out."

"He could've killed you!" Alice got mad, but then again it wasn't as James expected to be approached by the man.

"He has a sub and he'll take us home," James ignored that remark and continued, "Locke's sending us to get a boat to sail to the other island, but once Kate and I go get it, you, Jack, Hurley, Sun and the pilot will sneak out and meet us here." James handed her the map and showed the marked spot. "Just make sure to be there."

"What about Claire?" Alice asked.

"You've seen her. You've heard me. She ain't invited. I just don't think we can trust her. She seems _devoted_ to Locke."

"She's Jack's sister," Alice tried to argue, not really knowing what to think of it all just yet. She did see Claire's attachment to John, though and was afraid the woman wouldn't want to betray him. In the end, she just sighed and nodded, hiding the map in her pocket.

* * *

Soon enough, just as James told Alice, Locke sent him to get the boat and he wanted Kate to go with him since she had some sailing experience.

Sometime after they all left the camp and started their trek through the jungle, Alice, Jack and the people Sawyer named stayed behind, heading straight to the place James marked on the map.

They didn't foresee Claire following them, though and she caught them once they were about to leave on the boat. She actually aimed her gun at them. It was Kate who won her over by speaking to her about Aaron and about how she'd done what she had to do and come back to the island for one reason only – to get her back.

Finally, they were on their merry way, sailing to the other island safely. Barely had they made it out of the boat, Sun was reunited with Jin and everyone's spirit seemed to be lifted. Well, until they were actually captured by Widmore's people instead of being let go in the sub as James had it promised, that was.


	24. Chapter 24 sawyer

_The door to his apartment swung open and they stumbled inside, holding on to each other while kissing. He was technically still a stranger to her, but she found herself so overcame with passion and desire for his man that she couldn't even think straight. Then again, why wouldn't she just go through with this? She was single. She was a grown-up. She deserved some fun._

 _He kicked the door close and resumed kissing her when pushing her against the wall. Everything about him seemed to be too much and too overwhelming, his lips demanding, yet somehow the kisses felt soft. His hands were everywhere, exploring her body and then his lips traced down her neck, never stopping kissing her skin._

 _They hadn't even drunk that much, just walked into a bar and ordered something and before they knew it, they got lost in each other's eyes, seeing something nameless there, something intriguing, something mysterious. And then they ended up leaving, the first kiss like fireworks erupting, throwing her off track and knocking her off her feet. Then it only got_ better.

 _As clothes started falling to the floor in his halfway, Alice wondered what the hell happened. This wasn't her. She never acted like this. Her moves were usually calculated, meticulously planned. Or maybe she should think again where_ that _had led her in the past. She'd done everything right, but in the end she ended up with nothing. Still, that didn't change the fact that she never acted this spontaneously. It was actually Shannon's specialty. She didn't care, though, knowing that her friend would only urge her on and she could clearly hear her voice in her head telling her to just stop thinking and have some fun because she deserved it after everything she'd been through._

 _They were both naked now, James's pants barely falling down his legs along with his boxers when he lifted her slightly and slid himself home, groaning loudly in pleasure. And she reciprocated, holding on to his strong body while they were fucking against the wall._

 _Just in that moment, she had the weirdest feeling – that_ nothing _about this felt foreign, he actually felt_ familiar _. It threw her off track and she stilled._

" _You ok?" he froze, moving back a little, but staying inside of her._

" _Yeah," she assured him quickly when putting her hands to both sides of his head and looking into his eyes, then studying his features. "I'm perfect," she added and then kissed him again, urging him on by clenching her muscles so he could feel the pressure._

" _Oh, damn it, you're killing me," he groaned and pushed into her again, causing her to quickly forget about her weird feelings and just get herself lost in him, consequences be damned._

* * *

Widmore brought them back to the cages, Alice and Jack being the only ones who actually recognized this place, all the memories following. It made Alice think of how Jack had refused to save Ben in 1977, therefore actually causing him to become the man Ben was today. Something happened to Sayid when he was brought back and Alice could only assume that quite a similar thing happened to Ben when Kate and Sawyer had given him over to the others, to Richard.

"Hell, no!" James's grumble woke her up from her reverie. "I ain't going into a cage like some damn animal!" He protested and tried to resist. In that moment, they all heard the click of Widmore's gun and then the cold, metallic barrel was pressed against Alice's temple, causing her whole body to still, but her heartbeat to fasten up.

"I swear, if you hurt her…" Jack started immediately, but Widmore interrupted him.

"You'll do what, exactly? Shephard, Reyes, Ford, Kwan… you're all on the list, but she's not. Not anymore," he informed. "She's expendable to me now."

James was terrified and speechless when he looked Alice in the eye and saw the tears in there. She was doing her best to be strong and appear to be brave, but she was failing. He was so sure she was safe, otherwise he would never oppose Widmore like this. Next thing he did was to simply go inside the cage and let Widmore lock him and the rest of them up while wondering what exactly disqualified Alice from being a candidate.

She landed in the cage last, Widmore pushing her in there hard enough for her to lose her balance and she would've fallen if James hadn't caught her. She didn't let go of him when she finally found her footing, just burying her head in his chest and sobbing quietly. Sawyer put his arms around her tightly, trying to shield her from everything and give her strength, but in the same time knowing it was all futile since he couldn't possibly save her. He hated feeling this powerless.

Once they were left alone, Jack asked Alice in a harsh voice, "What did he mean? Why aren't you on the list?"

She finally let Sawyer go and looked Jack in the eye bravely, though she was afraid what she might find there. Then she discovered with surprise that there was truly nothing. He was a little angry, but that was it.

"How am I supposed to know?" she just asked him.

They didn't have to time to wonder since they suddenly heard the familiar sinister sound of the smoke monster approaching. Locke must've gotten to Hydra island somehow and Widmore's people were clearly behind in their work on the sonic fence.

Next, Alice thought of a different thing – she hadn't felt anything remotely similar to her ability and she wondered whether it was weakening because Jacob was dead. Well, she wouldn't miss it either way, she decided and hoped that it was true because then Richard could become human again.

James's arms were back around her as he covered her with his body while Locke was killing all Widmore's people. When the hold on her finally lessened, she was surprised to discover that the cage stood open and they were free. They were more confused than ever whom to trust, but at the moment there seemed to be no choice to make.

Locke led them straight to the plane and then retrieved a bomb from it. The whole way there Alice just held on to James's hand, so scared she was shaking. She was actually afraid they'd all die on this island, that they would never return home.

"Charles Widmore would never let you leave," Locke informed when holding the bomb for all of them to see. "He let me into his camp today. He let me free all of you to give you the false sense of being safe. He was planning on gathering you all in a tight, confined space like this plane, so he could kill you. Now, if you go with me to the sub, we will get out of this island, I promise you that."

Again, having no better choice and choosing the lesser evil at the moment – although Alice wasn't so sure, desperately trying to tap into her ability and not being able to locate it anymore. She immediately remembered the well-known phrase - be careful what you wish for. What if her wish had come true in least wanted moment?

She walked right behind Jack and Sawyer and just now noticed that they were talking. She decided to pay attention to what they were saying to each other and soon enough she knew that James didn't want Locke on the sub and he was right. They couldn't let this… _thing_ … whatever it really was, to get out of the island because of what it could do in the real world with millions of people around. Jack promised James to take care of Locke as he noticed that the man somehow couldn't cross water while being the smoke monster, so maybe pushing him into it could be their chance.

Once they reached the submarine, Alice finally felt it. Danger was coming and it was coming fast. She was just opening her mouth to warn everyone, but it was already too late. One moment Jack was pushing Locke into the water and the next there was a gunshot and Kate was hit.

Alice grabbed her own gun and opened fire to the enemy just like everyone else. It was extremely difficult to listen to the signals her body was giving her and then shoot accordingly, but she managed, focusing all her energy on it, pushing her mind away from James or Jack or anyone else she might care about. This was the only way to protect them now.

Eventually, she made her way to the sub and was relieved to see James waiting for her at the bottom of the ladder; Jack, Kate and Hugo following.

Jack took care of Kate immediately as she seemed to be in a lot of pain. All the events preceding caused Alice to feel dizzy and she needed to find a seat. Once she did that, she lowered her head, doing her best to overcome the nausea.

"Hey, you ok?" James walked over to her and he squatted by her side, looking up at her face. "Is there something else wrong? Are we in any danger?" he asked then when reaching his hand to her face and brushing her hair aside.

"No," she finally decided when shaking her head. "I don't think…" and then she gasped, suddenly hit with a wave so powerful that her eyes opened widely and she raised her head. "Something's wrong!" she screamed for everyone to hear and James stood up, scared as well. "Something is really, really wrong!"

Soon enough, Jack retrieved a bomb from his backpack. The same bomb they'd seen in Locke's hands.

"Son of a bitch!" Sawyer cursed. "The bastard kept talking about Widmore getting us all into a confined space to kill us and he did it himself!"

Sayid came over to Jack quickly, taking a look at the bomb, but he couldn't be sure if pulling the wires at the same time would help or do just the opposite. The mechanism was too elaborated and tricky and they didn't have enough time.

"Nothing is going to happen," Jack suddenly said and everyone stared at him. "We should just let it be."

"Jack, no!" Alice protested, still in pain caused by her ability. Why had she tried to wake it up in the first place? She started wondering. What good did it do to them now? "It's real! The way I feel it's all the proof you need!" she argued.

"And are you absolutely sure that you're afraid of the bomb or what we can do with it?" he asked a very confusing question and she didn't understand him at all. The nausea and discomfort she felt wasn't helping either.

"Locke wants us dead, but for some reason he can't kill us himself," Jack went on, speaking directly to her. "This is how he'll do it. He wants to trick us into killing oursevles. It's a trap, Alice. Trust me on this."

Their eyes locked for a moment and she could actually feel it. She could sense the truth in what he was saying. How did she know? She had no idea, but she was sure of it. She believed him. Maybe it was crazy, but she did nevertheless.

"I ain't gonna be blown to pieces!" James then said and pulled the wires just like Sayid suggested. For a moment, everything was all right, the counting seemed to stop, only then it started all over again, this time like four times faster.

They were all too shocked to act and it was Sayid who grabbed the bomb and then turned to Jack to tell him quickly, "Find Desmond. He's on the island and Locke wants him dead, so you'll need him." Then he just ran away with the bomb in his hands and they all watched it happen until there heard the explosion. Sayid was gone. The sub was sinking. And everything went to hell.

Soon the water started getting into the room and they felt the sub going down. Jack, seeing that Kate was right by side, called out Alice's name and then tried to get to the place she was before, but it seemed impossible. They were drowning fast and the water was already up to his waist. Besides, all the furniture was just dancing around and he heard a scream he located came from Sun as one of the pieces crashed straight into her.

"Hurley, get her out of here!" Jack turned to Hugo as he was the only uninjured person he could see near him and pointed Kate. She was shot and that made it difficult for her to get out on her own. Then he turned to Sun, still looking all over the sinking room to find his – still - wife. And he couldn't. He just couldn't find her and he didn't want to think of what that might mean. He heard James calling her name, too and that unsettled him even more as there was a hint of despair in the man's voice.

* * *

 _It wasn't that Jack hated the days he was to spend with his son. It was that he was afraid since ever since the boy was born, Jack couldn't seem to find any connection with him. For some reason his son hated him and every summer when he was to take him in from his mother, he dreaded the moment._

 _He just wanted to be a good father, but never managed to succeed. Maybe people like him just weren't meant to be parents, he wondered, hating himself more than ever for thinking that. Still, David had already been born and Jack needed to suck it up and be the kind of a father for the boy that he deserved since it wasn't like he was going to have another. Well, technically, his ex wife could remarry, but Jack wasn't sure he would be fine with his_ son _calling some other man_ dad _. No, that just didn't lie well with him and he hated himself for that, too, because he never seemed to be enough for either David or his mom._

 _He'd had David for barely two days when the boy told him he hated him._

" _David, I'm really trying here," Jack sighed, already tired. "I'm really doing my very best, so maybe if you could meet me half-way…"_

" _But you're not my father!" the kid screamed at him and then ran straight to his room, leaving Jack just staring after him with eyes widely opened. "You never were!" the boy added before slamming the door._

* * *

Meanwhile, as the water hit, Alice was thrown into the next room. She had no strength to fight the tide, because she was still incapacitated by the terrible feeling filling her in and something told her it was the death coming. Then she didn't even have the strength to fight for air anymore and she inhaled the water, her lungs filling with it and she started to panic. Surprisingly, all she saw before her eyes as she was dying was James. How they met. How much she hated him. How much she grew to like him and to actually relay on him. She remembered him shaking all over when he took the real Sawyer's life. She remembered how he told her he'd regretted it ever since. She remembered… how they fell in love and… that was it, Alice realized with the last ounce of strength she had left. That was it. At least she saved him.

* * *

Jack couldn't stand leaving Sun and Jin behind, but they themselves told him to go and look for his wife. He knew deep down that there was no way he could get Sun out. No one could with the sub sinking so rapidly, with the pressure and the lack of air. So he left. Still, he knew that the sight of Sun and Jin drowning would forever haunt him.

He swam forward, using the small air-tank Jin had given him and finally, he saw her. He didn't want it to be true. He didn't want her to turn out dead. She couldn't be. Not now. Not ever. Then it would truly be all his fault. Then he would have killed her and Juliet and Sun and Jin. Just please God, no! Jack was praying desperately as he grabbed Alice's arm and gently yanked her upwards, out of the sub and up to the surface. Please, please, let her be all right, he was silently praying, not even remembering the last time he'd done so. He knew he didn't deserve God's attention, but she did. Alice was one of the best people he knew, if not the best. And she was so strong. He saw that now. She'd always been strong just like James told him and in that moment Jack knew he'd never given her enough credit.

Finally, after what seemed like a whole eternity, he broke through the surface, threw the tank away and before he even managed to breathe the fresh air in, he started screaming for help and then choking. Soon, there was a pair of hands taking Alice from him and bringing her to the shore and once Jack got there, too, not even feeling his legs anymore but still going, he saw that it was Sawyer who helped him.

"She ok?" the guy asked, his voice terrified and full of guilt. In fact, he was shaking and Jack could tell it wasn't from the cold. He also noticed tears in the guys eyes.

Jack didn't answer, he just got to his knees in front of Alice's inert body and cleared her airway, preparing her for the resuscitation. It had to work. It just had to work, he was telling himself. Just like it'd worked once with Charlie. It would work now, too. She hadn't been under for too long.

He seemed not to have any breath left in his lungs, he seemed not to have any strength, but he kept on going. He blew the air into her mouth and then started the heart massage. He didn't trust anyone else with Alice's life except Sawyer, but the man was in no state to perform a resuscitation as he was losing it. Jack couldn't follow. He'd had years of saving lives on him, so he remained strong, breathing into her mouth and massaging her heart until she would wake up. He'd sooner die than give up. He'd hurt her so much that he owed it to her to bring her back now, to give her a chance at a happy life.

Hugo and Kate came over, sobbing. Kate saying something but Jack didn't hear her. Sawyer was frantically murmuring something under his breath, maybe praying, Jack didn't care. He only cared about saving Alice. He focused only on her, trying not to think of how fragile her body seemed to be now, of how much smaller she was in comparison to him. How could she survive this?

While Jack was working on bringing Alice back, James already felt like he lost her. She'd been unconscious for way too long, he thought when covering his mouth with his hand and thinking of how he always seemed to destroy everything he touched. He probably killed her because he didn't listen to Jack. Hurting her was the last thing he'd ever wanted to do, yet he somehow managed to do just that and he hated himself for it. If she died, he would never forgive himself. He would never be the same. He couldn't even begin to process what would a life without her mean to him – or rather what it wouldn't mean because _nothing_ would matter anymore. He was ready to give her up, to watch her reunite with the man she should be with, with the man who was still her husband, just to keep her alive. He would only hurt her in the end, he decided.

And just in that moment, James heard coughing and he looked at Alice and saw that it came from her.

"Thank God!" he screamed, feeling all too much at once as hope entered his heart. "Thank God!" He repeated when getting to his knees on the sand right next to her.

"Alice?" Jack asked, completely shocked that it actually worked. It was one thing not to give up, but completely another to actually see that he hadn't done it for a reason, that he actually brought her back. "Alice! Thank God! Alice!" he kept on calling her name and crying and then he brought her to his chest, hugging so tightly that he was actually afraid he would cause some damage.

He released her from his arms as soon as he pulled her close, suddenly feeling like maybe he shouldn't have done that, like maybe she wouldn't want him to. He raised up when leaving her sitting on the sand and he marched towards the shore, desperate to wash himself clean even though he'd barely gotten out of the ocean. He just now realized that Sun and Jin were dead because he was, yet, once again wrong. And Alice had been so close to following those two into the void. It was all too much for Jack as his knees gave up and he found himself falling to the sand, tears flooding his face.

"Jack!" Kate finally got to him, putting her arms around him from behind. "Jack, I couldn't find you… For a moment there I thought…"

He didn't speak, but he did put his arms around her own over his chest, desperately needing her comfort.

"Alice," James finally dared say her name and she didn't say anything back, she just threw herself at him, shakily clinging to his body as she started to sob. She needed him closer, she needed to just feel his body right next to hers, remembering her last thoughts before 'death'. At least she'd thought she was going to die. Maybe it made it clear for her what she really wanted or rather whom she really wanted. Still, she seemed not to be able to find the right words to tell him what she really felt for him. For now, she just sought out his body heat, so cold herself and she needed to hear the beating of his heart to make sure they were both ok and that it was real.

"I'm so sorry," he sobbed into her hair, not letting her go, just holding onto her frantically. "I'm sorry I pulled that wire."

"It wasn't your fault. Anyone of us could've done it."

"But _I_ was the one who did it and now…"

"Where's Sun? Jin?" Hugo chose that moment to ask and James went silent, feeling the weight of those deaths lying heavily on his conscience.

"They're gone," it was Jack who answered, having returned from the shore with Kate. "They're dead because of me."

"With all due respect, doc, I did the pulling…" Sawyer argued when moving away from Alice just for a moment to look up at him.

Jack only shook his head. "We wouldn't have been in this position if I hadn't been so…"

"Would you both just stop?" Alice asked, raising to her feet shakily and hugging herself. James immediately followed, making sure she could stand. "It's no one's fault! For all we know, Sayid would've eventually pulled those wires out! And if you have to blame someone, blame the son of a bitch that is Locke! We need to get rid of him! He cannot win!"

Everyone seemed to agree with her on the last part.

* * *

 _Alice had never before in her life felt so relaxed and so blissfully happy, she decided when snuggling up to James in his bed. Well, they did finally manage to get there and she nearly giggled at all the crazy sex they'd had. What was happening was beyond weird for her. It was as though she meant to lie in this man's arms, as though they were meant to meet, to collide, but she couldn't explain it. Was destiny even real? Or meeting your soul mate? Wasn't that just something reserved for movies?_

 _Then again, maybe she was blowing this out of proportion, she brought herself down to the ground and she actually tensed up. Maybe this was why she never acted like Shannon and didn't have one nights stands. Maybe she just got too involved and wasn't that kind of a girl who could separate sex from feelings. Was it like that for James? She suddenly wondered. She could've almost sworn there was more to it as she could clearly see it in his eyes, but maybe she was delusional. Maybe she just didn't know any better, already falling for the wrong man once before._

" _What's wrong?" he asked sleepily straight into her ear. "You're tense."_

" _I'm… I'm fine," she assured him quickly and he was already opening his mouth to prod some more when her phone started ringing. It was about the third time in the last hour and just now she welcomed the sound since it prevented her from telling James the truth and destroying the remnants of the amazing night they had._

 _She reached for her purse and frowned when seeing Jack's name pop up on the screen. She bit her lip before answering it, but decided to just do it since it was his turn to take care of David. Maybe it was important._

" _I'm sorry," she turned to James, "I have to take this." She disappeared in the bathroom._

" _Yeah?" she finally answered when she found herself behind locked doors._

" _Why are you whispering?" Jack asked suspiciously instead of a greeting._

" _Jack, this isn't really the time for an interrogation. Just tell me what you want."_

" _It's David. There's been…" Jack hesitated, "some problems," he finally finished._

" _Are you kidding me right now?!" Alice got mad, raising her voice and then glancing at the closed door. "You have him like once a year, Jack! He's your son!"_

" _Yeah, you should maybe tell him that since he said he hated me and that I wasn't really his father."_

" _He's a kid, Jack and added to that, a very confused one. You just need to give him time."_

" _Could you maybe…?" he started, but she cut in immediately._

" _Do you have any idea what I've been through?! I just came back from Australia where, mind you, I attended my parents' and sister's funeral! I thought you could take care of David, so I wouldn't have to worry about him and you just…"_

" _Ok, Alice, calm down…"_

" _It's your son, Jack," she repeated with a sigh. "I understand you never wanted him, but it wasn't like I planned to get pregnant. You know well that it was an accident and now you have no choice but to be a part of his life. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for_ him _. He_ needs _a father."_

 _There was a heavy thud coming from the bedroom and Alice heard James curse loudly._

" _Wait… who's in there with you?" Jack suddenly asked. "Are you honestly going to tell me there's_ a man _in your apartment?! And you lecture_ me _on how to take care of our kid?!" he exploded._

 _Alice just hung up._

* * *

Once they came back to their beach, James found a blanket for Alice and wrapped her up in it so she would finally get warm enough. He didn't care about getting sick himself. All that mattered to him was her.

"Come in here," she still encouraged him when opening the blanket as she sat on the sand. Finally, with a slight hesitation, he slid in there and put his arms around her, seeking her body heat.

They stayed like that, not talking at all. Quite frankly, he was tired of talking, of confessing what he truly felt to her. He wasn't sure anymore if it was such a great idea either. What if he never truly changed? What if he never truly was the man he thought he could become? Maybe a tiger didn't change its stripes, after all. Maybe all he would always be was a screw up and a failure, the man who'd gone to Australia and shot the wrong person. The man who always made the wrong decisions, the man who killed the one who'd ruined his entire family and now became just like him? Maybe he never was anything else. Maybe who he was, was always Sawyer.

Alice fell asleep by his side, oblivious to his confused thoughts. And good, he thought, since she was so tired after everything that had happened and needed the rest. He just didn't know where they would all go from here. There were moments when he was so sure what his future would look like, but then came those in which he just hated himself for everything and wondered whether it was better if he hadn't told her how he really felt in the first place, if they'd just remained friends even though it was killing him. Maybe she would've forgiven Jack then. Or maybe she wouldn't have. Maybe drugs and alcohol could be forgiven, but not the betrayal that followed because of them.

* * *

" _What happened?" Alice asked James when she emerged from the bathroom and found him picking up some clips and pictures that must've fallen from the big binder he was still holding._

" _Nothing. Just clumsy," he explained, trying to disregard the whole situation and pick it all up, but she was faster, getting to the floor and looking at what had fallen from the binder._

" _Who's Sawyer?" she wanted to know when reading the man's name from the document she was holding._

" _Doesn't matter," James just said and gathered it all up into the binder, not bothering to arrange it nearly._

 _Then he stood up and threw the binder into one of his drawers, slamming it shut._

 _Alice could tell that whatever this was must be significant to him, so she came closer and put her hand on his shoulder from behind._

" _James, you can tell me," she encouraged._

 _He truly didn't know what prompted him to do just that. One moment he was angry that the binder that he'd taken out of his bag, fallen from his hands before he could hide it from her and the next he was telling her_ everything. _And he never did that. He'd never shared that particular secret with anyone before._

" _I was in Australia because I had a lead," he finally explained. "It went cold, unfortunately, but I will find him. One day I_ will _find Sawyer and he will pay for what he did," James was just saying when clenching his fists. "I became a policeman just for this."_

 _Alice was silent for a very long time and he could already feel her slipping away. Soon, she would be out the door and he would never see her again just because he opened up to her and she got scared, he thought with regret. There was just something about this one, something that made him want her to stay._

 _To his astonishment, she told him, "A few years back, my family, my twin sister and I were planning to move to Australia. It was our dream to live there, to explore the country and the culture, to see the kangaroos," she actually smiled at the last one, but then she saddened again and continued, "but I fell in love. I was young and stupid and I thought love could fix everything, that it was worth anything. I stayed behind for him. Then we got divorced and my family died in a car accident," she confessed with tears in her eyes as she looked into his. "I regret not leaving with them till this day. I have no way of knowing whether staying behind saved my life, whether I would be in the car with them, but…" she shook her head. "I regret that there was so many years I could've been with them and now…" She wiped her tears away when sniffling. "Now I have an ex husband who drives me crazy and a kid who hates him. And I have no parents and no sister."_

 _James truly didn't know what to say to that, so he just pulled her close, putting his arms around her and letting her cry on his shoulder. He didn't know how it happened that instead of leaving she told him all of this and stayed, but he was grateful. Maybe she just_ understood _._

* * *

Alice still had trouble wrapping her mind around the fact that Jacob came to them, taking them to the fire burning in the jungle on a small clearing and informing them that one of them would soon have to take his place. When she actually recognized the guy as he'd walked into a bathroom back in Sydney when she'd felt so low and then bumped into her right after she left that room, she was left speechless and dizzy.

And then Jack said, "I'll do it," and they all just looked at him in shock.


	25. Chapter 25 sawyer

" _I can't fucking believe this!" Shannon squealed into the phone and Alice winced. She was driving over to Jack's place while talking to her friend on the speaker. "I just can't believe you're having crazy sex with some hot stranger! Go, girl!"_

" _Shannon…"_

" _What? After everything that ass of your ex husband put you through, you deserve some fun!"_

" _What about you? Are you coming back? Boone seemed a little down on the plane."_

 _Shannon sighed. "He's never gonna change. I'm a big girl, Alice, and he should accept that. The sooner he does just that, he'll be much happier."_

" _He's just taking care of you, trying to protect you."_

" _He's been doing that ever since my… well,_ our _father died and he just refuses to let go already. Seriously, that guy should get a life instead of chasing me all over the globe just to make sure I'm ok!"_

 _Alice stilled, trying to remember something, something she believed should be there, right in the back of her mind, but she couldn't somehow. Something about_ letting go…

 _She didn't have the time, though, as she was already pulling over by Jack's house._

" _Listen, I'm at Jack's. I'm gonna have to call you later, Shannon."_

" _Tell me exactly why you left a perfectly fine bed with – as you said - a perfectly fine specimen of a man in it just to go see your ex husband?"_

" _Because David isn't happy and he's the most important man on this earth to me, Shannon."_

" _Right, right. But you still spoiled your fun."_

* * *

While James went to check out the well Desmond had apparently been thrown into, Alice decided to look for Jack. She was still shocked with his decision and for now couldn't truly wrap her brain around the fact that he was clearly not coming back home with them. It wasn't as though she expected herself suddenly having all those feelings for him back, getting over what he'd done and living happily ever after, no, something about that scenario of her life seemed to shatter to pieces once and for all. Still, despite everything that had happened between them, she did care about him and wanted him to be happy. On some level, they actually seemed mismatched as she looked at it now, just connected by sudden desire for each other right after he'd convinced her that she hadn't really been seeing her dead sister in the jungle. Now she could easily figure out it was just the Black Smoke messing with her mind, maybe messing with everybody back then.

Alice made her way to the small stream Jack had disappeared to and spotted Kate, just standing there and watching him, his back turned to them both so he was oblivious to their presence.

"God, Alice," Kate nearly jumped on seeing her. "I… Listen, I know I should've talked to you already…" the woman started, moving a little away from the spot Jack was, so he wouldn't overhear them. She had trouble looking Alice in the eye.

"Kate, it's ok," Alice started, really not in the mood of listening to another apology that would do nothing to take it all back. Then again, maybe she wouldn't even want that. Maybe somehow they'd ended up exactly when they were supposed to. Was it possible that the Black Smoke had messed with their lives so much that they'd never made the right choices? It wasn't like she would ever receive an answer to that and then she told herself that she couldn't blame an unknown entity for what she'd chosen to do in the past.

"No, I have to say this," Kate insisted, pain visible on her strained face. "I'm so, so very sorry for what I did to you. I never meant to hurt you. I know we didn't get off on the right foot when we met on this island, but somehow we became friends over the time and once we got back home, the fact that you were there and you've been through the same meant so much to me. It made it easier for me to get used to the new lifestyle, to… to become a good mother for Aaron. And then you testified on my trial and…"

"Kate," Alice tried to stop her, pain awakening in her chest as well. She didn't want to come back to the past and to the dark hole she'd found herself in when Jack had left.

"I want you to know that I never planned it. It just happened and I guess I was in a weak spot. Jack claimed he's been seeing Claire and his father wherever he went and that was why he took to pills. He thought he had hallucinations and then the alcohol came when nothing else worked."

Alice gasped, never actually hearing the whole story coming from Jack. It still hurt that he couldn't seem to just come to her with this problem. And then it all became so much clearer when Kate confessed, "I understood him because I saw Claire, too. I couldn't get over the guilt of leaving a child's mother behind."

"There was nothing you could've done. Claire was gone," Alice assured her, stunned.

"I know." Kate nodded. "I know that, but it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't deal with it. I just… I guess I wanted you to know the reason. I know you can never forgive me, but…"

"But I do forgive you," Alice cut in and Kate's eyes opened widely in shock. "I can't hold on to any grudge, Kate, life is supposed to be about so much more than that, so I do forgive you." Alice knew first-handedly what hate could do to a person. She'd seen how it almost destroyed James, so she wouldn't go down that path even though comparing death to cheating seemed inadequate. "Besides, I think I'm on my best way to find happiness again."

"It would made me very happy if you did," Kate assured her with a small smile and then she touched Alice's arm and left.

"What was that all about?" Jack suddenly asked, emerging from the bushes that prevented Alice and Kate from being seen by him earlier.

"Getting through to people," Alice mimicked what she'd once said about Sawyer when Jack had asked her that particular question.

He almost smiled. _Almost_.

And somehow she felt like they'd come a full circle. Back to the beginning.

"You never told me all the details," she then pointed out and he seemed to know exactly what she was talking about.

"I'm sorry. Maybe that was a mistake," he admitted with a nod.

"Are you all right now?" she made sure.

"I think I am. Yes. I have a purpose again."

"Jack…" she said then, "you don't have to stay behind."

"We both know there's no place for me back home anymore."

"Of course there is! Just because it's not with me…"

His eyes opened widely as he realized what or rather whom she was implying.

"And you'd be all right with _that_?" he just asked, surprised.

"If it made you happy, then of course," she assured him. "I forgave you both," she then added. "Will you be all right with me and…"

"…Sawyer?" he finished. "Yeah, that one always bothered me even though you laughed my concerns off every single time."

"I never saw that he was interested in me that way."

"How could he not? Though he did the noble thing and never acted on those feelings," Jack pointed out, "which is something I never thought I would say about him."

Alice chuckled and then saddened. "Is this really the end? Are we just going to defeat Locke and come back home and never look back?"

"Don't tell me you'll miss this place."

"No. Not the island. But the connections I made while being here," Alice said when looking around. "And ok, maybe I'll miss it just a little," she finally admitted with a small smile.

"With me guarding it, you can come visit, you know. We just have to make sure the Black Smoke's gone."

"That's a good idea for vacations," she joked. "Are you truly sure about this, Jack?" she then asked one more time, looking at him as though she was trying to memorize him, to burn his image, his face into her mind, because despite everything he just told her, she had a feeling she would never be coming back here.

"It's my destiny," he just said, "I've never been sure of anything in my life until now."

She nodded, swallowing over the tears forming in her throat and then she was rescued from any awkwardness that would follow by James's return.

"I didn't see Desmond in the well, but that's good news, right?" he asked, joining them. "It means he got out. But I met Locke. He's settled on destroying this place."

"Are you all right?" Alice asked in fear.

"What doc said about him is clearly true, he can't hurt us himself," James just said.

"We can't let him destroy this island," Hugo followed with when coming closer to them. "What do we do, Jack?" he then asked the leader.

"I say we go to the bamboo forest I woke up in when I first landed here," he said, having made up his mind and they all just marched on, following him.

"Hey, what about Desmond? Shouldn't we look for him some more?" James asked, hesitant if he should go, too.

"It doesn't matter if we find Desmond," Jack answered. "We're all going to the same place."

"You're suddenly so sure about that, doc? And then what?"

"Then it ends," Jack answered and looked at Alice briefly before he shifted his eyes to Kate, his expression sad. Alice guessed that those two would have to be separated, maybe even for good as Kate was meant to go home to Aaron.

* * *

 _The door opened, showing a very angry Jack._

" _Where is he?" Alice just asked when ignoring him and pushing her way inside._

" _He's locked himself up in his room," her ex husband informed harshly. "What the hell, Alice? Who told him all those things?"_

" _What things?" she whirled back on him instead of just going to see her son._

" _He keeps telling me I'm not his father."_

" _Maybe you're not."_

" _What did you just say to me?" he hissed through clenched teeth._

" _Jack," she said his name in a warning tone when putting her hands in front of her as though she tried to keep him at distance. "We both know you're rather the absentee father, so don't be so surprised that David said all those things to you."_

" _So it's suddenly_ my _fault?!" he raised his voice, not able to keep all the anger inside any longer._

" _Whom else?_ Mine _?!" she screamed right back. "Maybe if he felt more wanted…"_

" _Alice…"_

" _Just listen to me, will you?! I get that you never wanted him, but he's already_ here _, Jack! You're supposed to love him!"_

" _I do! I am here, doing my best whereas you fuck some random guy when what you really should be doing is mourning your family!"_

" _Do I remind you about all those nurses_ you _have been fucking behind my back?! Did you ever even love me Jack?" she asked then in a much calmer voice._

 _His face grew red and he was just about to say something back when her phone beeped. She was holding it in her hand after hanging up on Shannon, so she absentmindedly glanced at the screen and froze._

 _She might've left James's apartment in a hurry this morning, but they'd exchanged their phone numbers, both not able to treat what happened as just a one night stand._

 _The text said,_ found him. On my way.

" _Damn it!" Alice cursed when choosing James's number and calling him as she strode right through the door and ran back to her car._

" _Alice?" Jack asked her, shocked that she could just leave this way. "Alice, what the hell?!" he followed her._

" _Not now, Jack," she dismissed him when jumping into her car, "fix your own mess, ok?" Then someone must've answered her call because she said, "_ Where _?!" and drove away with a screech of tires, leaving Jack just standing there on the street, stupefied._

* * *

They were very close to the bamboo forest when somebody walked out of the bushes on their right. Kate was already raising her gun, preparing herself to shoot when Richard raised his hands in surrender and yelled, "Wow! Wait! It's just me!"

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked in surprise as Kate lowered the gun.

"I came to tell you that I found Lapidus and right now he's working on the plane. I'm getting you all out of here."

"So you no longer want to destroy it?" Jack made sure.

"What's the point in destroying it if we can just fly away in it, leaving Locke behind?" Richard asked.

"That's actually a great plan, dude," Hugo said, "but we have to kill Locke, not just leave him behind."

"And how are you planning on doing that?" Richard got interested when joining the group.

"You'll see," Jack only said mysteriously.

"The plane should be ready in an hour," Richard added.

"First things first."

Barely had they entered the bamboo forest, they met with Locke who was dragging Desmond and Ben behind.

"So, you are the new Jacob, hah?" Locke asked Jack since he was the one currently leading.

"Let's just go," Jack said.

They all jumped when suddenly, Kate opened fire, shooting Locke. To their shock, the man was still standing, having no scratch on him.

"Have you finished?" he just asked stunned Kate and then turned to Jack with warning in his voice, "Whatever you think you'll do, you're wrong."

"Really? I'm going to destroy you."

"No, you're going to destroy this island," the man corrected him.

"We'll just have to wait and see who's right, then," Jack cut the conversation short.

They finally reached the heart of the island and for a moment, they all stood still, mesmerized by the simple and natural beauty of the light in the cave they saw the entrance to. There was a small stream disappearing inside, going down, water carrying the light.

Locke was the only one who seemed not to waste his time when he pulled out a rope and tied it around Desmond's waist. Hugo helped him and they slowly lowered Desmond into the pit. Then, they waited.

Alice could tell Jack was buzzing with anticipation, ready to act, ready to kill Locke as soon as he had the chance. And then it happened - Alice felt sick, but this feeling wasn't particularly strong. With Jacob's death, her ability must've really been disappearing.

"I guess you were wrong, Jack," Locke said and next thing Alice knew, Jack jumped to him and tackled him to the ground, then he hit him in the face and to their astonishment, the man actually bled.

"You were wrong, too," Jack said with satisfaction.

Locke then took him by surprise when striking him upside the head and running away quickly. James tried to stop him, but he met with the same fate Jack had, just dropping flat on the ground. Alice screamed his name and Kate opened fire again, but missed John, letting him disappear in the jungle.

"I'm going to kill that bastard!" she yelled and followed the Man in Black. In the meantime, Hugo was calling Desmond's name by the pit, hoping to get him out in time.

"James!" Alice got to him fast. "James, wake up!" She squatted right by him and cupped his face, trying to gently shake him awake. "James?"

To her relief, he opened his eyes. He was disoriented for a moment, but then she saw understanding and recognition in his eyes and he slowly sat up, massaging his head. She helped him stand up and then almost immediately bent over, struck with a particularly strong attack.

"What's wrong?" Sawyer asked with fear in his voice. "What's happening to you?"

"It's… James, something's terribly wrong. I think Kate's in trouble," Alice informed with a gasp.

"I'm on it," he just said and was already gone, running after Locke and Kate.

"James! Wait!" Alice tried to stop him, but it was too late.

"I don't know how to help Desmond!" she then heard Hugo calling, but somehow she had a feeling that Desmond would be just fine.

"I can do it," Jack offered to her surprise when back on his feet.

Alice was actually torn between running after James and making sure he was all right and trying to convince Jack not to do anything stupid. Then she decided that she would be of no help to James and Kate against Locke, so she turned to Jack.

"You don't know what will happen to you once you get down there," she protested, making her way to him.

"I know. I'll die," he simply answered and she froze, staring at him with her eyes widely opened in shock.

"But… Jack…" she stilled, terrified. "No," she finally uttered when placing her hands on his arms. "Jack, you can't do this. You can't die." She already had tears in her eyes, her inside just being one huge whirlwind of emotions. She saw their past before her eyes. She remembered how she'd met him, seeing him helping everyone on the beach as she swam there. She remembered seeing the bottle of alcohol on him. She'd always suspected he could take to drinking, why else would he order so much on the plane? But he'd never had until… until he broke. She remembered how she stitched him up. Their first kiss. First time together. Starting her life with him and then everything going to hell. Her feelings might've changed, taking up on a different route, but Jack would always remain important to her, always be one of the most significant people in her life.

And now she would lose him forever and never even see his face. It was worse than leaving him behind on the island. At least then she'd know he was all right. That he was happy, finally finding his purpose.

"I have to put whatever Desmond pulled out, back in," Jack explained, oblivious to what was going on inside of her. "Once you kill Locke, this has to be done. Otherwise the island will crumble and land at the bottom of the ocean. You and I both know we cannot let that happen, Alice. Not after everything we've done trying to protect this place."

"You mean after everything you've done to protect it," she corrected, looking aside as though she couldn't stand his gaze.

"Alice…"

"You can't just… sacrifice yourself like this, Jack. You have too much to lose. What about Kate?" She asked then when meeting his eyes again. She saw sadness there, a bottomless pit of regret and she felt so sorry for him. She wasn't mad about what had happened anymore, she wasn't hurt, she just felt sorry for him. She knew she would always want him to be happy and that was it.

"I thought running this island was my true calling, but I'm never right, am I?" he just asked, laughing through his tears. Still, she did not reciprocate. She was just crying.

"I know you will have the life you always wanted and needed, Alice," he then said when placing his hand on her face and looking her deeply in the eye. "I'm just not meant to be a part of it. I never was."

"So you'll just _die_? That's bullshit!"

"We both know there's no other choice here…" He leaned forward and kissed her gently. She didn't protest when his lips touched hers. He needed it, he needed courage and he needed to say his goodbye, so he kissed her and she kissed him back, knowing that she couldn't take that away from him. In the end, she even wanted to, just for the old times' sake.

Then she was losing the hold he had on her and he was moving towards Hugo, asking him to take over and performing the impromptu _ceremony_.

Ben soon came over to help Hugo lower Jack into the pit and Alice could only watch him disappear there. She was shaking all over, still not comprehending what was happening. She couldn't accept that he would just die for them all, putting the light back into place. She knew enough about it by now. Only Desmond was special and could withstand the power emanating from it without dying. But Desmond was unconscious and depleted of all his strength at the moment, so he couldn't possibly help out now.

It hit her so suddenly that she was nearly knocked down, all the air leaving her lungs as she bent over, feeling horrible, clenching onto her stomach as nausea hit. There was also something else. Something she'd never felt before. Something nearly clouding her whole mind, making it impossible for her to see or feel anything but this paralyzing fear. Her ability had never been screaming at her so badly before and somehow she knew that it wasn't because it was disappearing, that it wasn't one last time. Or maybe it was, but it was more serious than anything she'd been warned about before. It felt so bad that she was afraid she'd lose control and just faint. She'd fainted once before, after the freighter exploded and their chopper crashed. It was when the island disappeared. Still, this time it seemed even worse than that. It was beyond anything she'd ever experienced. It made her want to lie down on the ground and crawl in pain, to just die, to just stop everything so she could have some respite.

She was losing her fight, she knew that. Soon, she would just black out and then, through her already clouded and sore brain, she remembered something – _And one day, Alice, it may even help you save the life of someone you love_.

It took everything she had, all her willpower and strength to just stand up, to get to her feet and move. To just move towards the place Locke, Kate and James had disappeared to.

 _Run, Alice, run_! She screamed at herself in her mind as she started moving her legs, faster and faster, as she fought through the pain and nausea, as she just sped. _Run! Run for your life!_ And she was. Quite literally, too. She wanted nothing more than to just stop and to collapse and pass out, but she couldn't. Because James was in mortal danger and she couldn't do it without him. She could not do anything without him. Not now. Not when she'd already lost so much. She just couldn't lose him too.

* * *

James could hear Kate screaming in pain and then screaming for help as he was speeding through the jungle to help her. He hoped he wasn't too late, but once he reached the cliff, he found her lying on the hard rock surface in a pool of blood. He immediately got to his knees, checking her pulse. She was breathing, but barely. He looked at her wounds and discovered that she had been stabbed multiple times. It was a miracle that she was still breathing, but for how long? He wondered.

"Behind you," he suddenly heard her warning him in a weak, wheezy voice. It took him quite some time to decipher what she said and once he did, it was already too late. There was a knife pressed against his throat.

Sawyer stilled, his heart beating even faster. He was terrified of what would happen next. Locke would kill him. He would simply slit his throat and there was nothing he could do to escape the blade. No one to help him. Kate was already dead. Soon, he would join her, he thought and closed his eyes shut, thinking of how stupid he was to get himself stuck in this trap. Then he thought of Alice and the pain of losing her, of leaving this world without seeing her one last time. It was just too much.

"Any last words, James?" Locke asked him, pressing the blade harder against his neck. It was already bleeding, but the cut was only skin deep, nothing damaged so far, so James started frantically looking for something, anything, a weapon to use, but he failed. There was nothing. Kate's gun was probably discarded somewhere else.

And just then, when he closed his eyes and prayed to God and thought of Alice, a shot went out and the knife was dropped, releasing him from its painful vise. He took a deep breath, thanking the heavens for whoever just saved his life and then he stood up and turned around. He was stunned to see Alice standing there with a still smoking gun in her hands. He could tell she was shaking, barely standing on her feet as though she was going to collapse.

"I guess the shooting lessons really came in handy," she said nearly breathlessly before she dropped the gun and her knees hit the ground.

James was by her side in a second, holding her in his arms as she sobbed, her tears mixing with the blood that was still on his neck. She was clenching onto him desperately, couldn't believe she made it on time, couldn't really believe she was strong enough to push through and save him. And now she couldn't let him go, reveling in the feel of his strong arms around her, his heart beating so widely in his chest right next to hers.

"Alice…" he gasped her name when cradling her in his arms, burying his face in her hair, just clinging to her, still stunned that she saved him. Stunned not only that he got the chance to see and hold her again, but also because they were finally free. Locke – or the Black Smoke – was dead and they could finally go home. Only then he realized he was already home since she always was just that for him.

"Let's get out of here," she finally said shakily when moving away a little and looking him in the eye. "I can't do this anymore. We need to leave this island."

"Say no more." He helped her to her feet and then led to a cliff. "Wait, what about the doc…?"

The look on Alice's face was enough to stop him from asking any questions. "Damn. I'm sorry," he just said, grief breaking all over his face.

"James, we can't just jump," she protested then, not able to deal with the fact that Jack was dead just yet. Not to mention that Kate seemed to be, too. It was… it was _too much_.

"See another way out?"

She didn't, so she trusted him to pull her after him as they jumped into the water.

* * *

Once they finally got to the beach on Hydra island, they were met with a surprise. Claire was just sitting there, nervously playing with her fingers. Alice's heart reached out to her when seeing the state the blonde was in. It was hopelessness, abandonment, lack of belonging. She herself had once felt that way and Jack had helped her. Maybe now it was her turn to return that favor.

"Claire?" she asked when approaching the woman slowly. "Claire, there's a plane leaving this island very soon and we can be there. We can get out of here."

She didn't move or say anything for a moment, but then she slowly raised her head and met Alice's eyes.

"I'm not going. I can't."

"Why not?" Alice asked when squatting right in front of the woman, looking at her face. "Don't you want to see your son? Don't you want to see Aaron?"

"Look at me!" Claire suddenly raised her voice. "I can't let him see me like this!"

"Nothing is irreversible, Claire," Alice continued in the same calming and steady voice. She needed to do this. She needed to reunite a mother with her son. She needed to do this for Kate, for Aaron, for _Jack_. Kate died for this and Alice knew Jack wouldn't want Claire to be left behind one more time. He would want her to go back to her son. He would want to do just this one thing for the sister he never knew he had. "Claire, listen, you _need_ to get back to your son. Please, let me take you to him. Kate…" she stopped, hesitating, but then she said it anyway in a changed voice. "Kate is gone. You're the only mother Aaron has left now. You _have_ to come with us. I will help you every step of the way, I promise. You will never be alone again. What do you say?" Alice reached her hand to Claire, waiting for the blonde to decide to go with them.

Eventually, she accepted the help and together they ran towards the plane.

Lapidus was already leaving, but he stopped, seeing that Sawyer ran out in front of the plane, waving his arms and soon enough, two other people joined him.

"Looks like we got some latecomers!" the pilot informed happily and Richard opened the door, helping all of them in.

They quickly took their seats and Lapidus started all over again, praying that they'd manage to leave before the ground crumbled underneath them.

Alice led Claire towards the window seat, taking the one beside her and finally, the third seat was taken by James. They held hands again, just being together, trying to believe they were actually leaving, trying to deal with what and whom they were leaving behind and what would await them back home. Alice looked at James's throat worryingly as she could still see the fresh blood there, but he assured her it was just a scratch, so she rested her head on his shoulder, still holding onto him, still needing a proof that he was there and he was alive and he was real. There was so much she needed to say to him, but she had to leave that one for later, too overwhelmed to even speak at the moment.

Finally, the plane lifted up into the air and they left the island.

* * *

Jack somehow managed to crawl out of the pit, even though he knew he was dying. He could feel it, all of his organs slowly shutting down, the internal bleeding taking place. He'd already held on for much longer than he should have, he knew that much. Maybe it was just his will to see them all leave. He wouldn't let himself succumb to darkness no matter how much it hurt, because he needed to see that they really left the island, that they were all right.

As he stumbled and fell to the ground, having no strength left in him, he finally saw it – a plane flying in the air just above him. He smiled, imagining Alice and James and _Kate_ and maybe even Claire there. He couldn't be sure about the last one, but he had hope. Who would think, was the last thing in his mind, that in the end he would settle for _faith_.

* * *

 _Jack cursed loudly when Alice sped off in her car and then he just turned around, coming back home._

" _David!" he called his son name and then, when he didn't hear any answer, he walked straight to the boy's room and pushed the door open, ignoring any kind of privacy the kid always insisted he deserved._

 _The room stood empty and in that moment Jack actually felt fear._

 _He was scared that Alice was right. In fact, she_ was _because no matter how hard he tired, he couldn't take care of his son, right now failing miserably as the boy must've run away. He'd probably heard everything Jack and Alice had been yelling at each other just a few minutes ago._

" _Damn it!" Jack cursed and ran out of the house, thinking that David couldn't have run far._


	26. Chapter 26 sawyer

_Desmond Hume preceded to the next point on his list of things to do. He quickly found himself on the right street and drove the car slowly along with a small boy walking down the street. Then he called out to him through the open window._

" _Hi, David!"_

 _The boy just kept on walking._

" _Why don't you get in and I'll take you to where you want to go," Desmond encouraged, knowing how this must've looked like from the outside, but he had faith that he would be able to achieve everything he planned to as they all_ knew _deep down inside. Running over Locke was a much more difficult and less moral task than kidnapping a child, after all._

" _I'm not supposed to go into the cars with strangers," David just said resolutely._

" _Yeah, but we both know we're not strangers, brother," Desmond wasn't giving up and then a miracle happened as the boy came to a stop and looked at him. "Come on, I'll take you to your dad," the Scottish encouraged and David finally got in._

* * *

They were all in shock during the flight as what they'd been through was simply too much to even comprehend and yet, they needed to figure out a way to come back. The plane they were travelling on had gone missing with them onboard and they had no way of explaining how it was suddenly back, carrying just one original passenger and two additions that either came from nowhere – in Richard's case – or were believed to be dead – Claire.

It was actually James who came up with the plan. Lapidus pitched in, suggesting an old and abandoned airstrip he knew about in Mexico. Once they landed there, they quickly left the plane, disappearing in the woods and running as though the Black Smoke was chasing them. They couldn't afford being caught because obviously, they wouldn't be able to answer any of the questions that would follow and even if, no one would ever believe a story about a disappearing island, monsters and sources of light.

While running through the woods, Alice couldn't even think, not able to focus on anything. She could just hold on to James's hand and let him take her wherever he was running to. Her mind seemed to have shut down there for a moment, not able to sort through the emotional turmoil inside. She'd once again lost so much and come close to losing even more. At least she managed to save Claire, she reminded herself, not able to think about those left behind, dead. She needed to focus on the positives and what was better than reuniting a mother with her son?

Eventually, they stopped running, exhausted. They could hear the dying sirens in the distance, all the dispatch cars directing to the plane. It was bound to happen sooner or later as they couldn't possibly hide such a big means of transport.

"I hate to ask this, but what now?" Lapidus spoke, bent over, his hands on his knees as he was breathing erratically.

"We cross the border and get ourselves new identities," James suggested, one of his arms around Alice who looked too overwhelmed to even register what was happening.

"Yeah, but how are we gonna do that all dirty and with no money on us?" Lapidus wanted to know, glancing at Claire who looked the worst and there was no wonder, truly as she'd spent so much time alone in the jungle.

"I can access my bank account," Alice suddenly suggested, waking up, "Oceanic paid me a huge fine for the crash and I still have most of it. It's millions."

"There ya go!" Sawyer smiled. "And we'll call Claire's mother, see if she can help us from LA. Maybe she could fix us some fake IDs."

"I'm truly not sure how we can pull this off," Richard voiced his opinion when shaking his head.

"Just leave it all to me, ok? It's not my first rodeo, man," James assured him. "First of all, we get into the most dingy motel we can find and stay there for the night, get some rest, clean up."

"Why dingy?" Lapidus asked with a frown.

"Because they ain't gonna ask any questions there. Come."

* * *

 _Jack was starting to panic and just then he got a message from the hospital._

" _Damn it!" he cursed, responding. He was needed. It could be a matter of life and death. The problem was that so was his son's disappearance. Then again, he had no way of knowing where David might've even gone to and the terrible realization that he didn't really know his own son dawned on him._

 _He grabbed his car keys and left the house, calling Alice on his way and cursing when she refused to pick up._

" _I really don't have the…" he started when reaching the nurses' station in the hospital._

" _The surgery worked," the woman cut in. "Mr. Locke has inexplicably started moving his legs."_

" _What?" Jack frowned, momentarily forgetting about David. "But he was already on a wheelchair when he was ran over by a car! I didn't even try to…"_

" _See for yourself, dr. Shephard, it's a miracle!"_

 _Jack stilled on hearing that. There was just something in the way she said it that unsettled him. He thought hard as though trying to remember a dream long forgotten. Eventually, he just shook his head, feeling more lost than ever and walked straight to Mr. Locke's room, promising himself to just take a look and then run to the nearest police station. Or maybe David was back home already? He thought. Maybe his son just wanted to punish him when hiding and it worked._

 _Talking to Locke made him feel as though he was in a Twilight Zone. The man was simply crazy, Jack decided, still not knowing how it happened that the feeling in his legs returned, but having no time to figure that out now._

" _I need to go find my son," he just said when directing himself to the door._

" _You don't have a son," Locke said then like it was the most obvious thing in the world._

 _Jack came to a sudden stop when something was, yet, once again stirred in his memory._

" _What did you just say?" he asked when whirling back to the older man._

" _You don't have a son, Jack."_

 _It was as though someone hit him over the head and he was suddenly feeling dazed and completely out of it, but still refused to give in._

 _He stumbled out of the room and nearly knocked down a pregnant woman who was just walking down the corridor._

" _Are you dr. Jack Shephard?" she wanted to know._

" _Yeah?"_

" _I'm Claire and I believe I'm you sister. Also, I think I'm in labor," she informed quickly in a strong Australian accent, placing her hand on her belly and wincing in pain._

* * *

Once the door to a motel's room closed behind Alice and James, she was so exhausted that she couldn't even stand on her own two feet anymore. Sawyer helped her to the bed and after making sure she was ok, he hit the shower, desperate to wash off all the dirt and the blood. He was pretty sure most of it had already come off while he and Alice had jumped from the cliff into the ocean, but he could still _feel_ it on himself.

It was hard on him to lose so many people. In fact, they'd just about lost them all. It started from Juliet and then quickly spread to Sun and Jin and Sayid, Jack and Kate following. Even Hugo, though alive, was gone and Sawyer would never admit it to the guy, but he already missed the lightness and optimism Hurley always brought to the table.

Alice couldn't sleep. The moment she lay down, she couldn't possibly stay there, feeling so terribly alone and still having the images of Jack disappearing in the pit and Kate dying in her mind, not to mention Locke pressing his knife into James's throat. If she'd been just a second late… She couldn't bear the thought of what would've happened then and she jumped to her feet with a newly found energy. She marched straight to the bathroom, seeing James in the shower.

She quickly discarded all of her clothes and joined him, surprising him.

He was just standing there, facing her and watching her when she lifted her hand and touched his neck, feeling the small tear in his skin where Locke had cut him.

"It's ok. It's already healing," he assured her when putting his hand over her own. "I'm gonna be fine."

Alice still didn't say anything, she just pressed forward and clung to his body, his arms automatically closing around her, hugging her tightly as that seemed to be exactly what she needed. What _they_ needed. For a while, they just stood there together, her burying her face in his chest and him in her hair.

"I love you, James," she suddenly confessed, saying those words to him for the very first time and feeling him still in surprise. There was so much she'd wanted to tell him for such a long time now and never seemed to find the right words. Now she nearly laughed at that since it seemed so silly to her. Of course telling him she loved him was enough. At least for now. The time for more would come later.

He didn't answer, he was so surprised and overwhelmed, but she didn't need him to say it back. She already knew what he felt. Next, he pulled away a little and put his hand to her face, leaning forward and kissing her slowly, gently, lovingly.

All the exhaustion seemed to have disappeared, leaving them along with the water falling down as they kissed and pressed against each other, happy to be alive, to be able to be together and relieved they'd made it. Alice didn't protest when James pushed her gently against the wall so she could find some purchase for her back there and then he slid himself home inside her, knowing now that he could, that it was ok, that she'd chosen him and that it hadn't been a mistake between them back in the Dharma village. The memory of the night seemed to be so distant now as though it'd happened ages ago. They needed a reminder.

Their love making was slow and sweet. Their bodies were too tired for anything more and demanded sleep, but sleep would come later. It would be a blissful relaxation, a moment to forget about all the blood and gore and death and just a moment to be together, to stay in each other's arms before they would have to get up the next day and find a way to get back home. Still, _this_ was home. She was his home and he was hers.

* * *

 _Alice drove as fast as she could while trying to get to James in time. She just couldn't let him kill Sawyer. She couldn't really explain the fact that she cared about this man so much already as she'd barely met him the other day, but it was there, inside her. Something was just screaming at her to get to him, to urge herself forward, to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life._

 _Her phone beeped for the fourth time during her ride and she finally grabbed it and glanced at the screen, disregarding all the missed calls from Jack and then she nearly drove off the road when seeing the texts from her son._

 _They froze her to the bone._

Mom, where's my real dad?

Mom, I want my real dad.

Where's my dad?

Where's my dad…?

 _She felt so weird as she read that, as though her brain was immersed in some kind of a fog or was hidden behind a curtain of oblivion, as though she desperately wanted to reach something, to find it there, but couldn't._

 _Eventually, she just shook her head and kept on driving until she arrived at her destination._

 _She quickly pulled over and ran out of her car, calling James._

 _She finally spotted him and was afraid it was already too late as he was standing over an old man who was kneeling on the ground, the barrel of the gun already pressed against Sawyer's forehead._

" _James, please, stop!" she screamed and their eyes met in that very moment. She froze, coming to a sudden stop with a loud gasp._

When I was little, my mother had an affair with a conman. He convinced her to invest all of our money… Getting through to people… You're forgiven… I came back for _you_ … You're the only woman I've ever loved… You stood by me no matter what…

 _It was as though she was seeing her life flashing in front of her eyes, but then again, she wasn't dying, was she? Or maybe she'd already_ died _, she realized, seeing two people who_ _became friends against all odds, seeing James causing her to give up on him just to give him another chance again, seeing him after he murdered Sawyer._

I want you to know that I regret it, Alice. I regret losing my cool. I regret… killing him, because in the end it only made me feel worse like I was truly… becoming him…

 _She saw him kissing her cheek and saying his goodbye before he followed Locke… jumping off the chopper… saw herself coming back and seeing him again… discovering she had feelings for him… Locke putting a knife to his throat... them leaving… managing to get back to LA… and then_ life.

You _saved_ me.

" _James, please, don't," Alice said it one more time, but now it was different. There was clear recognition and understanding in her voice._

 _Yet, before he managed to react in any way, they heard someone calling out, "Dad! Dad!" It was David running towards them and Alice was terrified that he saw his father aiming a gun at someone._

 _James stilled, his eyes opening widely at the recognition of the boy who, Alice remembered that too, was always the apple of his eyes, the only son he had, a child he always tried hard to be the best father for and succeeded with flying colors. She wondered briefly if Grace, their daughter, was also in this realm._

 _The gun fell down to the ground, forgotten. Sawyer got back to his feet and ran away whereas James got to his knees and spread his arms open as his son ran straight into them. Both the men were crying._

" _Oh, my little boy. I missed you so much," James was just whispering into David's ear when hugging the boy tightly._

 _Alice, finally able to move, came over to them and squatted by them, looking at them both with so much love in her eyes._

" _James…"_

" _Alice…"_

 _Once they all hugged and kissed each other, Alice's phone rang again._

 _This time it was Shannon._

" _Can you come over?" the girl just asked in a changed voice and Alice knew that her friend remembered everything as well._

* * *

It'd been two weeks since they'd come home safely. Reuniting Claire with her mother and most importantly, Aaron, was truly a feast for the eyes. They'd all spent a whole day together, just taking, catching up and finally saying goodbye as James and Alice left Claire in her mother's house. What followed wasn't much pleasant as Alice visited Mrs. Shephard on her own and relayed to the woman the whole story lying behind the island. She knew she owed the woman that much and felt so terribly sorry for her that she once again lost her son. Alice didn't even have the heart to tell her that she and Jack had been estranged when they'd gone back to the island and decided to keep James a secret for the time being. They thought they would have to wait until Jack would be pronounced dead since he was already reported missing, but to Alice's and James's surprise, Hugo along with Ben briefly came back from the island, bringing Jack's and Kate's bodies and with the help of Richard whom they helped settle in America and establish a new life, they came up with an accident cover up, so they could arrange for a funeral.

It was truly a very difficult time for Alice, but the news that she quickly received helped her out of the darkness and straight into the light.

As soon as she found out herself, she just needed to tell him, but she was scared out of her mind since she couldn't possibly predict his reaction.

She waited until he got home as he was in training.

"Soon enough you'll be looking at a new officer of LA PD!" James informed proudly when finally getting back and then making his way straight to her to kiss her on the mouth. "Maybe I'll even make a detective!" He decided to enroll into the police force to – as he said it himself – right his wrongs by doing something good for a change. "What's wrong?" he asked then.

"I have a small question, James and I'm kind of afraid of the answer," she admitted when nervously playing with her fingers.

"Well, shoot," he encouraged her. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

"I think I figured out why Jacob crossed me off the list. Why I couldn't be a candidate anymore," she said slowly.

"That wasn't a question," he pointed out with a frown, not really knowing where this was going. "Alice, what's wrong?" he asked again when cupping her face and looking her in the eye. "Baby, stop scaring me and just tell me."

"Are you going to _be_ there?" she asked then and bit on her lower lip, waiting for her answer with bated breath.

"What?" He didn't understand at first. "What are you…?" Then he sucked in a breath and she confirmed, "I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father, James."

She still wasn't sure what to expect. They'd never even talked about having children since they'd seemed to barely get together, but it wasn't as though Alice planned this.

His face changed as the truth sunk in and she saw everything there that she'd always wanted to see on a man's face when she would be telling him that she was pregnant. He was overwhelmed, but also so damn happy that it made her feel as though she was drunk on joy. They were going to have a baby. All her dreams were finally coming true. She would have a family, a man who would be there and would love this child with all his might, she knew that. She could read it all from his face.

He pulled her in while laughing happily, hugging her and burying his face in her hair.

"I will be the best father I can possibly be," he promised her then.

"It's all I could ever ask of you," she assured him and then squealed with joy as he lifted her up into the air and spun around.

She wasn't scared anymore. All that mattered was that he wanted this child, the rest would follow, she was sure of it. She could be since she knew this man better than anymore. She'd seen the best and the worst of him and she knew now with perfect clarity what and whom he was. She could rely on him and trust him completely and she knew he would always love her and never abandon her because in the end, this was just who James was, even if he had trouble showing it or believing in it at first.

Maybe in the end she hadn't really known Jack, she realized. She hadn't even had enough time to get to know him before entering a relationship with him. Maybe it'd all happened too soon. Her love for him was like fire ignited at instance, a volcano erupting because he saved her, because he _needed_ her after they cashed on a mysterious island together. Somehow their relationship survived longer, becoming more than just sex as they needed each other to go on and deal with everything. They kept each other sane and grounded back on the island, but somehow weren't able to do the same back home.

Alice's love for James was different. It was stronger, built on more solid foundation. With Jack there was passion and the fire got extinguished with time. Jack hurt her when turning his back on her instead of trusting her with his issues and you should never allow the other person in a relationship to hurt you so much. With James she had stability. She didn't like him at first, but then he grew on her and she actually managed to understand him. She didn't even realize she was falling for him until it was just too late. Now she knew that only James could truly make her happy, that with him she could have the kind of a relationship that could last. And sex? Or boy, was it good…

Jack would never make her truly happy because he had this need to constantly help people and fix things. It was the air he breathed, it was what drove him forward and gave his life meaning and eventually it pushed him to sacrifice himself.

In the end, Jack just wasn't enough to make her happy as they wanted different things from life. Love for James developed slowly over time, creeping up on her until it was too late and she was too deeply invested to ever let go. He'd used to be everything she hated and now he was everything she loved.

Jack might've saved her life, but James saved her soul.

* * *

 _Jack was still shocked after finding out that he had a sister and now he was at some concert she'd given him a ticket to, telling him it was extremely important that he'd go there. She wasn't able to herself since she just went into labor. He wanted to stay with her, not sure what he thought of the whole thing when a weird, blond musician showed up, pushing him off the way. Then Alice called that she had David and she didn't mention anything of returning him to Jack before hanging up, so the doctor just went to that damned concert to maybe get some time just for himself to think._

 _Only he found out the whole thing was cancelled due to an absent musician._

 _Just then, when he was shaking his head and nearly laughing since this day had turned out to be so crazy and surreal, it only got more so when a woman called his name._

 _He didn't know her, but he could swear there was just something about her…_

* * *

 _If Alice wasn't entirely sure Shannon remembered everything, she had no doubt now as the blonde opened the door for her, her face in tears. They hugged tightly and then Shannon explained how she met Sayid in Australia and how they came back home immediately. In the end, she also couldn't stop herself from making a few jokes about Alice and Sawyer ending up together and him being that mysterious handsome stranger Alice had been telling her about._

 _When they found themselves inside, they met with an equally touched Boone. Alice hugged him tightly, overwhelmed by how close they'd seemed to be in this realm. Sayid was also there, nodding at her with a smile on his face before Shannon came back to his side and he put his arm around her._

 _When Alice and James sat down on the couch, both happy and sad in the same time, she remembered how Shannon died, being shot by Ana Lucia. How Boone had died before that when he'd fallen off that cliff and Jack couldn't fix him. Libby… Sun… Jin… Kate… Kate who died on the island for them all, trying to stop Locke – or maybe the smoke monster since Locke was probably occupying his own body right now, looking for them just like they were looking for him without even knowing it._

 _"It's time," Shannon eventually said when getting her coat and moving towards the door._

* * *

" _Kate…" Jack was too emotional to even speak, "I thought you got out… I never thought you…" he stopped and then started to cry, knowing now that she died on the island just minutes before he himself did and he never knew how close she was._

" _It's ok. It's ok, Jack._ _We're here now," she said as she hugged him tightly and he clang to her body._

* * *

 _Why are you here right now?_

 _Why are_ you _here?_

 _This is a place that you made together, so you could find one another…_

 _The most important part of your life is the time you spent with those people._

 _They needed you and you needed all of them._

 _Everything is_ real _. Everything that happened to you is_ real _._

 _Why are we all here right now?_

 _There is no now, here._

 _To move on. To remember and to let go._

* * *

 _They all gathered in the church, laughing and talking and catching up, waiting for the light to come and take them home. Everyone wanted to get to know Aaron and David and even little Grace who seemed to have finally appeared just because her parents needed her to. Claire, Charlie, Alice and James had a blast of introducing their respective children to those who never got the chance to know them. Alice was especially touched when she spotted Kate and then the door at the back of the church opened and Jack walked out, followed by his father, Christian._

" _Jack, it's so good to see you," Alice told him when he finally approached her and James and they all hugged._

" _You, too. You, too. And I'm so happy that you got everything you wanted from life," he assured her with a smile and tears in his eyes._

 _Just like that, they all took their seats and Christian walked towards the door, opening it and letting the light in. Its cleansing warmth bathed them all in happiness. It was the same light they'd once encountered on the island in a very special and sacred place._

 _And then they finally moved on. Together. Happy._

* * *

Alice didn't want to get up just yet. It was Saturday and they could technically sleep in, but she knew that soon enough both David and Gracie would demand their parents' attention and breakfast. Today James promised them all pancakes and even though Alice enjoyed just lying in the warm bed in an even warmer arms of her husband, she kind of couldn't wait for him to cook for the whole family this morning. The first time he'd done that he'd almost burnt every single piece of pancake, but he'd gotten better since. And she always enjoyed the sight of him in his boxers and t-shirt, sleepily moving around the kitchen, trying to make head and tails out of the ingredients and the children running around, interrupting his work and calling him daddy. His hair was always messy during those mornings and she loved that, too. She just loved everything about him as he seemed to be her anchor and the head of the family. She was happy that she didn't have to do it all alone, that they seemed to be equally taking care of their children and just live. That was the best part – living. Sometimes the most simple things gave people the most of happiness and she was grateful every single day to have recognized them and enjoy them.

James groaned through his sleep and then his hold on her tightened, his face fitting in the crook of her neck as he kissed her cheek for good morning.

"How much time do you think we have?" he asked in a sleepy voice.

"Five… four…" Alice started counting down and he complained about that, but she knew he was just teasing. He loved their kids just as much as she did and couldn't wait for them all to barrel straight into the bedroom and jump on the bed. "One…?"

For a moment nothing happened and James laughed, pulling Alice even closer and kissing her lovingly on the mouth.

"Who knows, maybe we're lucky and they're still sleeping and maybe we could…" His hand wandered down to her thigh when suddenly, the door burst open and David with Gracie ran inside with a scream, jumping on the bed.

"Did we surprise you?!" they asked, having clearly been sneaking around in the hall to make the grand entrance.

"Oh, no!" James pretended to be appalled. "What's all those little monsters doin' in our bed?!" Then he started tickling them and they laughed joyfully, the sound a music to their parents' ears.

"Pancakes! Pancakes!" they demanded.

"You wanna pancakes?" James made sure. "Then you shall have pancakes! Lead the way!"

The kids quickly jumped off the bed and he followed, letting them pull him into the hall and then downstairs to the kitchen. James looked back at Alice who was still in bed and she just said, "We'll have to take a bath together later," with a wink.

He smiled right back at her and disappeared with the kids downstairs. Yes, being parents to two 'monsters' made it difficult sometimes to get some time alone, but getting creative was so exciting for both Alice and James that it kept their romance burning hot.

* * *

I feel you in the air  
Floating through the atmosphere  
You're dancing on the stars  
You're presence's everywhere  
But when I shut my eyes  
I see you like you're really there  
It's heavy on my heart  
When you're not even here

Without you I would fall apart  
I'm safe when I am in your arms  
And only you can set me free  
And only you can save me

Without you I would fall apart  
I'm safe when I am in your arms  
And only you can set me free  
And only you can save me

I can hear your laughter  
Echoes in my eardrums  
The treble and the base  
Kills every inch of pain  
The comfort in your voice  
Is all I ever need to hear  
You take away my fears  
I have no other choice

Without you I would fall apart  
I'm safe when I am in your arms  
And only you can set me free  
And only you can save me

Without you I would fall apart  
I'm safe when I am in your arms  
And only you can set me free  
And only you can save me


	27. Chapter 27 jack

Decided to post a slightly improved Jack version as well (it was actually the first I wrote) – for those of you who preferred it that way. It was already written, so here ya go : )

If you read the Sawyer part already, there are only small details changed for the next three chapters. Then it goes on full change.

* * *

The newcomers eventually agreed to take some of the survivors to their boat, but first they wanted Charlotte – the woman Locke apparently had – back. Sayid and Miles volunteered to go, but the Iraqi came back with Charlotte alone. His ploy worked since Locke wouldn't just release one of his prisoners, but he kindly agreed to trading Charlotte for Miles. Sayid next volunteered to take a trip to the boat (he told Jack and Alice on the side that he would make sure those people didn't have hostile intentions) and then he flew away with Desmond and the pilot.

With nothing better to do, Jack, Alice and the rest came back to the beach camp. Seeing two entirely new faces was novelty to the survivors, so Daniel and Charlotte were in the centre of attention while the couple could only wait until they heard back from Sayid or Desmond. ...which they did a whole day late since, as Faraday explained, the time perception was slightly different on the island and off the island. Once the men finally called from the boat, the survivors found out that Desmond got somehow lost in time. Daniel was the only one who knew what to do and he seemed the craziest one, too, Alice decided. He explained how Desmond should find him

in the past and then find his constant whom apparently was the Scottish's girlfriend, Penelope. In the end, they decided that Daniel was the most trustworthy person of all the newcomers. Still, he was off somehow as though something terrible had happened to him. At least Alice thought so. She didn't want to ask any details, but she was pretty sure the guy's story wasn't entirely happy, if all.

* * *

The day after, Alice noticed Jack's absence. He wasn't in their tent when she woke up and then she couldn't find him anywhere on the beach. What seemed more disturbing to her was that she also couldn't spot Daniel and Charlotte. Could she be wrong about them? She started wondering. But no, she didn't think so. She might still be overwhelmed with that gift of hers and all, but she'd actually grown to trust it like she trusted her guts. Maybe pretending it was just her guts warning her about danger was an easier way to accept it?

Eventually, it was Sun who informed Alice that Jack and Juliet had gone after the newbies once they'd noticed them gone. Naturally, Alice started to worry and she imagined about a thousand scenarios in which Jack got hurt or died just before they managed to get out of the island. She almost went after him herself even though she had no tracking skills. It was Sun who calmed her down, telling her that Jack could take care of himself.

Well, of course he could, Alice thought, going to the kitchen to eat some breakfast. Besides, she didn't feel like anything bad was going to happen, so she should calm herself down. Then another thought struck her. Maybe she'd been glued to Jack a little bit too much ever since they'd been reunited in the others' village. Maybe it was time she should loosen up a bit? If she went on like this, then what could happen once they actually came back home? She would be the clingy girlfriend and she should know better than that. In the real world they wouldn't have so much time at their hands. In the real world he would go to work and she would, too. They wouldn't be inseparable and maybe it would actually be healthier for them. She knew that if she didn't let go a little, she could lose him.

In the end, Alice was right to trust her inner compass and wait, because Jack came back a few hours later in the company of not only Juliet and the two people he'd set off to find, but also Kate. where there was no hospital. Well, except the medical hatch, Alice realized, but she didn't have to be a trained doctor to understand that moving Jack was simply impossible. The appendix could rupture any moment.

Alice stayed with Jack whereas Juliet was already out, talking to Sun and Bernard. The pregnant woman knew where the medical station was and Bernard was the third person among them who had some kind of a medical experience as a dentist.

"Do you really think it'll work?" Jack asked Alice as she was just sitting with him, holding his hand.

"Yeah, I really do, Jack," she assured him when looking him in the eye. "We didn't come all this way for nothing. Besides, the bad feeling I had when I saw you being sick is gone now."

"Well, I'm still sick," he pointed out with a small smile, probably trying to be funny.

"You're going to be just fine," she assured him.

"What will be the first thing you'll do once we get back home?" Jack then asked an unexpected question.

"Take a shower," Alice started counting out, "wash my hair with real shampoo and apply some smoothing conditioner... oh, apply some notion and drink lots of coffee. And then fall asleep in a real bed by your side."

"Coffee and bed don't exactly match up," he noticed with a chuckle. "And why the hell does shower tramp me?"

"Well, I'll be so exhausted that it won't matter if I drink some coffee," she only answered his first question.

"I have something else in mind which also involves a real and comfy bed instead of a hard ground," he then hinted.

"And what are you? Fifty?" Alice joked. "But yeah. I miss that, too," she admitted, trying not to think when was the last time they'd had sex. Well, actually it wasn't that long ago, but it seemed that way for her. Their relationship was still too fresh.

At that moment, Juliet came in and started preparing Jack for his surgery. He actually wanted to be awake during the operation and talk Juliet through it, but she was having none of it and eventually told Bernard to chloroform her stubborn patient. The dentist agreed with the blonde doctor, saying that not even Jack could go through with this without being knocked out, but it was still hard on him as he was fighting hard to be awake. Alice left before Juliet made the first incision, not wanting to see any of what would soon happen and she kind of felt her eyes growing watery.

Seeing Jack being the patient, seeing how ashamed he was of his own powerlessness, got to her. It wasn't that she expected him to be a superhero, it was how much he wanted to be conscious during the operation. Sewing a wound on his back was one thing, she thought when coming back to that particular memory, but getting through a procedure like this, when someone was just cutting into his body and taking something out of it, it was too much. It was too much even for Jack.

* * *

She came back to the tent once Bernard told her it was safe to. Juliet was just finishing sewing Jack.

Alice sat by his side like she'd done before the operation and asked while stroking his face, "Why do you have to be so stubborn, Jack?"

She thought he was still out, but then to her surprise, he opened his eyes and asked, "What? You've got enough of me already?"

"Never," she told him. "And I can't believe you can joke right now. How are you feeling?"

"Like I've just had an operation," he answered accurately.

"He'll be fine. It went well," Juliet then informed and eventually left.

Jack managed to stay put only for a few days. Then Alice caught him looking through the food.

"I could've brought you something!" she scolded him. "You've just had surgery!"

"Well, I'm sick of lying down and I was hungry," he told her and put a handful of cornflakes into his mouth. She actually laughed at the comical picture.

"Come on," she said then, "let's get you back to bed."

Only in that moment they heard the characteristic sound indicating that the chopper was on its way back. It flew right over them, but something was thrown out of it and Jack got to it and picked it up before Alice managed to tell him off again.

"Seriously?!" she asked when she reached him.

"I'm fine. Really."

"Jack, she's right. If you pull your stitches..." Juliet warned him when getting to him.

"It's fine. Look, I think they want us to follow," he said, showing them the GPS device he had in his hand now.

"Are you crazy?!" Alice raised her voice again and then she heard a few muffled laughs in the distance. Maybe the way she kept on chiding him was funny on the outside, but she was actually really worried.

"Alice, we need to get off this island and I can't just sit down and wait for things to happen," Jack told her.

"So there's no way I can talk you out of going?" she made sure when folding her arms on her chest.

"No. I'm sorry."

"Fine. But I'm coming with!"

"Suit yourself."

"I'm coming, too!" Kate joined them and soon enough they were in the jungle.

Only they barely walked for twenty minutes when Alice noticed Jack was bleeding and told him about it.

"I'm fine," he repeated the same old.

"Jack, seriously, you're the worst patient that has ever walked this earth!" Alice snapped at him, switching from a normal voice to yelling almost immediately. She was so close to losing her patience with that man. Oh, wait. She already did! She was sick of telling him to stay put and to watch his health. For now all that mattered for him was to get all the people, especially her, out of the island, but he didn't think of his own well-being. "Jack," she said once again when he actually came to a stop and looked at her in surprise. She couldn't really blame him. She never was the snappy kind of a person. She very rarely lost her patience with people and even if she did sometimes, she couldn't just start yelling at them. Well, this was different. This was serious. And she was done telling him. They were going back and they were going to do that now. At least he was going back and she and Kate would go to the chopper.

Only in that moment they heard some noises and froze only to see Miles and Sawyer with Aaron in the arms of the latter.

Alice's first impulse was to say James's name and get to him to hug him, even if she had to watch out for the baby. Then Kate just asked, "Where's Claire?"

Sawyer shifted her eyes from Alice and the smile that was on his fade faded immediately. "We lost her."

"What?!" Kate raised her voice, not understanding. "How could you lose her?!"

If it wasn't for the missing mother, Alice would've laughed. Trouble in paradise apparently affected more than the couple that was her and Jack.

"She just walked off in the middle of the night!" Sawyer explained impatiently. "We couldn't find her... The village... it was attacked by the people from the freighter. It was a slaughter! We barely got away," he informed next.

Kate finally walked over to him, but it was only to take Aaron and hug the little boy.

"So, you were going back to the camp?" Alice asked Sawyer.

"Yeah, I figured there was no other place for me to go to, especially with the little one here," he gestured to Aaron. "You?"

"We're going to the chopper," Jack explained and started off again.

"Jack," Alice stopped him when putting her hand on his arm. "Are you sure? You're still bleeding."

"We have to, Alice," he said in a calm voice, looking her in the eye. "This is our only chance of getting out of this island. I can't just take a sick day. Not now. Besides, do you really think that something bad is going to happen to me?" he asked then, looking at her in that special way when he meant her ability.

"No," she was forced to say because even though she could do many things, she would never be able to lie to Jack. She valued trust in a relationship nearly above all.

"Then let's go," he just said.

"And why are you bleeding, exactly?" Sawyer asked Jack.

"I've kind of had a surgery."

For a moment there James just stood still, looking at his friend incredulously and then he just shook his head, "You know what? I'm not even gonna ask! Hey! Wait! I'm comin with! That sun of a bitch is stubborn!"

Alice had never thought she'd think that, but she actually missed Sawyer's dry humor.

* * *

When they finally reached the chopper, it turned out that it wasn't Sayid nor Desmond who'd thrown the tracking device to the beach. It was Lapidus. He informed them that once the people he'd brought to the island came back, they'd all be dead, so they'd better hurry taking off.

"Wait..." James then said, "we can't just fly off. Hugo is with Locke."

"Damn it!" Jack cursed, clearly tired as he hadn't recovered completely. "We need to go and get him!"

"No, Jack," Kate stopped him when putting her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, but you're not well enough for another trip. You need to rest. I'll go and get Hurley." She handed the baby to Alice and then turned to James, "Can you tell me when they went?"

"Sure, freckles!" Sawyer agreed, but it was clear to Alice that he still wasn't happy about the cold welcome Kate had served him. Maybe if he went along, the trip would be good for them.

"Do you think they'll make it on time?" Alice asked Jack when they watched the couple disappear.

"I really hope so, because if they're not, we're all dead," he said.

* * *

Only Kate and Sawyer didn't make it on time. Before they managed to come back, Frank's 'friends' did, dragging Ben with them and then they started screaming at the pilot and pointing their guns at both Alice and Jack. And while Jack desperately tried to cover Alice with his body, she clang to the baby in her arms, wanting to do the same for the little guy. His mother disappeared, he didn't have a father and he was on a deserted island - he did not deserve to die. Actually, none of them did.

Then something changed. In the same moment as Alice whispered to Jack that everything was all right because she could feel it, Kate ran out of the jungle and the whole attention was focused on her.

"Who are you?!" the gunmen asked her.

She raised her hands up into the air. "I'm Kate Austen and I'm being chased."

"By who?"

"Them," Kate said and as on a cue, gunshots came from the jungle, hitting the freighter people.

"Down!" Kate screamed to Jack, Alice and Ben.

Once the gunfire ceased, Alice was finally brave enough to look and to get up on her feet, still carrying Aaron who was by now crying.

"Are you all right?!" Kate asked when she got to them and then 'the others' with Hugo, Sawyer and Sayid came out of the jungle, making sure the enemy was dead.

"What did you do?" Jack asked her.

"We made a deal with them," Kate explained. "In exchange for freeing Ben, they'll let us leave."

"Just like that?" Jack asked, not believing.

"Yes, Jack, just like that," Ben answered him when one of his people cut the ties on his wrists.

"You're free to go, but remember, once you get out, you can never come back."

"Why would we want to go back?" Alice just asked incredulously when handing Aaron over to Kate.

"Just don't say I didn't warn you," Ben told her and left with his people.

"Are we ready for takeoff?" Sayid asked Frank and the older man nodded.

"I nearly can't believe it's that easy," Alice said when Jack gave her a hand to help her inside the chopper.

"It wasn't. We've been here over a hundred days."

"Right. I just... It's hard to imagine that soon we might actually be home."

Jack just smiled to her and helped Kate and the baby in. Once Sayid and Sawyer got in as well, they took off.

It was truly surreal for them all to see the island from above, to realize how big it really was and how much uneven ground there was. Alice remembered all those times she'd traveled somewhere.

She remembered her first day, waking up in the water, ready to give up, but somehow still fighting for her survival. Maybe she always was a fighter, she just never realized it. And now she wasn't alone. She had Jack and they were all right and getting out and that was really all she could ask

for. She searched for his hand and when their fingers entwined, she looked at him.

"Jack..." she started, feeling the need to say it. "I... I'm sorry... I'm sorry for screaming at you and..."

"Don't," he interrupted her. "You don't have to apologize. I know you were just worried. We're

fine now." He squeezed her hand gently. "Our lives together start now."

She smiled to him brightly and then the chopper shook and Frank cursed.

"What is it?" Sayid asked the pilot.

"We're hit! We're losing fuel!" they received in answer. "We need to get back!"

"No!" Jack protested loudly. "We can't go back! There's no fuel on the island. Our only hope is to reach that boat!"

Frank sighed heavily. "Then we need to be lighter! Throw everything you see out!"

Once they did that, they still didn't seem to have enough fuel to get to the boat. Alice also noticed the scared and ashamed look on Hurley's face and she felt really sorry for the guy who clearly thought that without him they would surely get to their destination with no problems.

She noticed James shifting and whispering something into Kate's ear. Then he kissed her.

And then he looked at Alice, locking his eyes with hers for a moment. And she knew what he was going to do.

"James, no!" she yelled, but it was too late. He jumped off the chopper and was just gone.

"He'll swim safely to the shore, I'm sure of it," Jack tried to comfort Alice when taking her into his arms. "And we'll come back for him."

"What if..."

"Alice, do you feel anything?" Jack then asked her when cupping her face and she shook her head because she didn't. "He'll be fine," he repeated then.

They could already see the boat and once they got closer, they saw Desmond running on the main deck and waving at them.

"What is he screaming about?" Frank asked, preparing himself for the landing. "He needs to get out of there!"

"Did he just say bomb?" Miles asked and in the same moment Alice bent in a half, literally screaming in pain.

"Alice!" She heard Jack calling her name like through a very bad connection. His hands were on her shoulders, but she barely noticed. There was too much pain in her stomach and too much nausea and for some reason she couldn't even relieve herself. She could just feel it and suffer through it. "Are you all right?! Alice!" Jack was getting more scared with every second.

"There's a bomb on the boat!" Kate yelled to the pilot, realizing what it all meant.

"I don't care! If I don't put the chopper down, we'll crash!" Frank screamed and finally landed.

Desmond ran to them immediately. "You need to get out of here! There's a bomb! We may only have a few minutes!"

"How much exactly?!" Jack asked.

"Maybe five?"

"Quick! Refill the tank! Meet me back here in four!" Frank was giving orders.

"Are you feeling better?" Jack asked Alice who didn't even leave the chopper, feeling too shaken up to walk.

She nodded and then she winced slightly. "If we get out in time... we should be fine," she said.

"Just stay close to me."

"I will, don't worry."

Kate came back with Sun and the Korean asked her to find Jim.

"Kate, there's no time!" Jack stopped her once she wanted to run into the boat again. "We need to take off now. Jim needs to make it."

"Go! Go! Go!" Frank gestured to them all as on cue and Kate started panicking, not knowing what to do which made it easier for Jack to get her on the helicopter. He owed it to Sawyer to keep her alive since the guy had jumped for her.

Alice's nausea didn't want to pass completely. They were taking off and she still had her hands pressed against her stomach, trying to breathe normally, just focusing on breathing. She told herself that it would all be over soon and they would be far away from the freighter when the bomb exploded.

And then Jim ran onto the deck, waving at the chopper and Sayid needed to hold Sun who desperately wanted to get to her husband.

Of course Jim didn't make it and suddenly, the boat burst into flames, followed by Sun's desperate scream. Alice actually felt like screaming, too because she was once again overcame with feeling more powerful than all those she'd ever felt before. Everything Jack seemed to be able to do for her right now was to hold her tightly in his arms and she was so grateful for that. She was so grateful that he was there and that he was alive.

She thought that the terrible ache was slowly leaving her and then she heard Frank saying they were almost back on the island. Back on the island... Alice thought. Back to where they started.

And there was no boat. What were they going to do now? Was the hope lost completely?

In the next second she couldn't even form a coherent thought as she was once again hit with double pain and everything went white. She had the impression that it was all happening inside

her head, but then she could hear the screams of the rest, asking where the island was and where they were going. Then, there was simply nothing. Only darkness.

"Alice! Oh my God! Alice!" Jack was screaming as he was shaking her gently. "Alice!" Only she wasn't responding. She clearly passed out.

"Hold on!" was the last thing Jack heard coming from Frank before they ran out of fuel and crashed into the ocean. He focused all his might on holding on to Alice, on not letting her go down. She could very easily drown when not being conscious and he couldn't let that happen.


	28. Chapter 28 jack

Sometime in the middle of the crash, Jack lost the hold had had on Alice. Once that happened, he started panicking, doing his best to swim up to the surface to be able to locate her and save her. He couldn't lose her. Not now. Not when they were finally about to get out of the island. All of this didn't matter without her because she was all that mattered to him. And he couldn't find her.

It was like a very painful and very scary déjà vu. She opened her eyes in the water, unconsciously taking a breath and wincing, fighting her way up to the surface in a desperate need for air. After all, her life depended on it. She was terrified since she had no idea what happened and why she was in the ocean, why she was drowning. Again. For a moment there she had the worst thought that she was back at the start, that somehow she traveled back in time and was about to immerse to see the island for the very first time. Only that couldn't be true. Her will to live was much bigger

than before. She was in love. She had friends. She'd found purpose.

Once her body burst through the surface of the water and she finally took a deep breath, choking as she did so, the first thing she heard was Jack's scream. He was screaming for her.

"Jack!" she finally answered him and once he saw that she was all right, his expression changed from terrified and desperate to an equally emotional but happy one.

"Alice!" he called her name one more time and swan towards her, taking her into his arms even if that made it difficult for the both of them to stay on the surface. "Are you all right?" he asked then when moving away and cupping her face to look her in the eye.

"Jack... what happened?" she only asked, looking around in confusion. There was no island, no chopper, just a raft and water. Water and nothing else. The rest of their people were already on that raft or on their way to it.

Only Jack didn't answer. He truly broke right in front of her when he took her into his arms one more time and cried into her wet hair.

"Nothing," he finally said in a shaky voice. "We're all right and that's all that matters. Come."

They swam to the raft and once they were all safety seated there, Kate explained what happened and even though everyone except Alice saw it, she was still skeptical when hearing it. Because things like that never happened. They just couldn't. It wasn't possible. It was against all the physical laws. You couldn't just move an island. You couldn't make it disappear. Only Ben had done just that.

"What do you feel?" Jack then asked Alice a specific question when the rest of them started wondering if they were going to die or be found on time.

Alice didn't really feel like testing the waters with her gift, especially since it'd almost killed her when causing her to lose her consciousness and almost drown when the chopper crashed, but she made the effort of trying to sense anything. And there was just nothing.

"I... I just don't," she replied, surprised herself. "I mean... even when I didn't sense anything before, I kind of... I don't know how to explain it. I felt different then. And I feel different now. I feel... free. Like it's... gone."

"Maybe it is," Jack then said. "After all, Locke did tell you to stay on the island to work on that... gift."

"So, you really think once we got out... it's just... gone?" Alice asked with hope in her voice.

"I do," Jack answered.

"Good. That's all I could ever want," she admitted.

"I'm a little confused here, dude," they suddenly heard Hurley's voice. "What are you, guys, talking about?"

* * *

The night had fallen pretty fast, maybe a little bit too fast. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. They might meet their end in this raft. These might be their final moments. They couldn't know if there was anything out there, if they would find another island or land or boat. They could as well be in the open ocean with no hope of ever getting help, of never being found. Alice started shaking at some point, but all she could do was to snuggle closer into Jack's body, which was pretty much impossible as they were practically attached to one another since they'd gotten out of the water. She was pretty sure that her gift was gone with the island because she didn't feel that familiar clench in her stomach anymore. And something told her that she situation was dire at best.

And then Hugo noticed a light.

And they were all standing up and screaming, waving at what appeared to be a boat in the distance.

And the boat was coming straight at them.

Alice was so cold she barely felt her fingers, but she was excited. It was like a new life was thrown into her, a new hope. They were going to be saved. They were really going back home. They were not going to die.

Only once she looked at Jack with that wide smile on her face, it disappeared because she met with a completely different expression. Jack was troubled. And then he said, "We have to lie."

"About what?" Hugo asked, but for the rest of them it actually seemed pretty obvious.

"Everything," Jack answered. "About the island. The people from that freighter came to kill us. Our plane was found on the bottom of the ocean. Someone must've put it there. Just think about it. How much trouble someone went to, to cover it all up. If we say the truth, not only we will be in danger but the people we left behind as well."

"I understand that, Jack," Alice spoke first. "And I agree."

"But we won't pull it off," Kate protested. "How can we even lie so much?!

"Just let me do the talking and we'll be fine," Jack offered. "There is no other choice and deep down inside, you all know it."

"No, man, I don't think we should..." Hugo started, but then Sayid interrupted him.

"Hurley..."

"No! How can we come back for the rest if... Oh," he then finally understood. "We are never going back, are we?"

"No, Hurley, I'm sorry. The island is gone and even if we wanted to, we wouldn't be able to find it."

"But..."

"I need to know that you're all with me on this," Jack cut in again, emphasizing his words.

"Everything depends on it."

"I have always been with you," Alice told him first when taking his hand again.

"Me, too," Kate agreed.

"Aye," Desmond simply said and that left Sayid and Hurley. The first one was all right with the conditions, but Hugo still wasn't happy. In the end he was outvoted, though.

And that was the moment the boat finally reached them and the men onboard started screaming something to them in a foreign language. One word must've stood out since Desmond stilled and asked, "Penny?!"

Soon enough Alice witnessed a marvelous reunion between Desmond and his girlfriend. What she saw made her believe in real love against all odds. How many years had Desmond been away? Why Penelope hadn't given up? It was beautiful, truly and lifted all the survivors' spirits, even if for a moment.

* * *

A week later, which was filled with getting to know Penny, talking over what they would do and say once found and just blissful relaxation, they got close to the Membata island and then Sumba where they were to stage their rescue.

"Anything?" Jack asked once last time and both he and Alice knew he was referring to her ability.

"No. I really think it's gone. It disappeared when the island did."

"That's actually good news," he said and smiled. She reciprocated.

And just like that, they were at the shore and a crowd of people was already running towards them. They were officially rescued or... maybe they rescued themselves.

* * *

Once they made a call, the Oceanic Airlines sent a plane for them. In the meantime, they decided Kate should say that she was Aaron's mother since Alice couldn't possibly pull that off. She would like to have a child, so taking care of Aaron, of her friend's baby, would be a natural thing for her to do, but Jack reminded her that she'd been hospitalized before she'd taken the flight 815 and those records were still there, saying she hadn't been pregnant during the car accident in which her family had died. She couldn't have possibly been carrying a child for six months during the crash.

They also decided to change their story completely, saying that only a few more of them had survived the crash, but the missing people had died on the island from various reasons. Jack being the doctor made it all easier for them as he could figure out a plausible scenario.

* * *

Oceanic Airlines provided everything. After all, they didn't have much of a choice if they wanted to maintain a good PR. The survivors were given food and drinks, they got a place to shower and a fresh change of elegant clothes since after their landing, they agreed to a video conference. They were all exhausted, but they didn't want to procrastinate. It was better to just put all efforts together and lie perfectly while they were still in shock, while – as Jack said – their obliviousness to some of things that had apparently happened to them could be explained.

They didn't talk much on the plane. Hugo was still mad about the fact that he was outvoted by the majority and had to lie, too. Also, even if some of them hadn't spent enough time with Desmond on the island, they missed him now as he and Penny had dropped them off and sailed away. Charles Widmore – the man who'd sent the people on the freighter to the island – was actually Penny's father and he always hated Desmond. Needles to say, the reunited lovers chose to stay

together in hiding.

"We're close to landing," the spokeswoman of Oceanic informed. "Get ready. Your families are all out there, waiting for you."

Families? Alice thought since she knew there would be no one waiting there for her. There simply wasn't anyone left alive. Only then she felt Jack strengthening his hold on her hand as though he sensed her anxiety and was trying to tell her without words that he was there for her and everything would be all right. And it would truly be, she knew that. She wasn't alone anymore and it wasn't only about Jack. She not only had a person to share her life with, but she had friends now as well. If they had to lie, they could only talk about what happened on the island

with each other. They couldn't even use a psychologist's help to deal with their issues. Alice was sure that she and Kate would remain good friends and that she would be an amazing aunt for Aaron. It still hurt that Claire hadn't gotten out and that Alice didn't even know if the blonde was all right. Their friendship had changed ever since Claire had been taken into the Dharma station by Ethan, but she was still a dear friend that Alice had trouble of letting go of. Sun would probably come back to Korea, but Alice was sure they'd stay in touch. She was also hopeful that Hurley

would come around. As far as Sayid was concerned, Alice still had mixed feelings towards the Iraqi, but she would do her best for Shannon. For another friend she'd lost.

Just like that, they landed and for a moment, just before the door opened, they all seemed to be in real shock. They'd spent over one hundred days on the island and while it seemed a lot, now they had the impression that it'd gone by so fast that their heads were spinning. They were used to fighting for survival, to fighting for every single day of life, to fighting their inner demons and strange happenings and monsters back on the island. Suddenly, they were back to normality and they didn't quite know how they'd fit in there again. The mundane reality would soon be back.

When the novelty of the famous Oceanic Seven – as the media had started to call them – wore off, they would have to fit in again. They would have to find a place to live if their old apartments had been sold off; they would have to start working again and instead of picking up fruits and fighting for animals, they would earn money to buy them.

"Ready?" the spokeswoman asked and then the door slowly opened.

The truth was that none of them was ready, but it didn't matter. They had to do it. They just had to get over this in order to start living again.

Hugo was the first one to get out of the plane as he was too eager to see his family and too mad at his fellow survivors for the decision they'd made. Jack marched towards someone whom he apparently recognized with a smile on his face, but his hand did not let go of Alice's, which resulted in him pulling her towards when she stopped, deciding that she'd feel much better among Sayid and Kate who apparently also had no one to greet them. Jack had none of it and soon enough Alice was standing next to an older woman whom she assumed was Jack's mother. She

hugged her son tightly and that was the moment Jack was forced to let go of Alice's hand.

"It's so good to see you!" his mother was just saying with tears in her eyes.

"You, too. You, too, mom," he answered and then looked at Alice who felt rather out of place.

"Mom, I want you to meet someone special. She's..." he stopped there for a moment as tough he was searching for the right words to say. Eventually, he finished with, "she's the one, mom. She's the love of my life."

Alice didn't know what to expect and she nearly wished she'd still had the gift. How foolish it was of her to want that? She was just being introduced to Jack's mother. But not maybe just. This woman had given Jack's life and raised him and Alice wanted so much for her to approve of her son's choice.

"We met on the island," Jack explained, "and we saved each other."

Mrs. Shephard took a closer look at Alice and the latter was grateful that Oceanic had provided her with a shower and real shampoo, because she really wanted to look good and amicable.

"Of course it must've taken a plane crash and deserted island for you to finally find her," Jack's mother voiced her opinion. "I thought you were never going to find anyone good and to be honest, I never liked Sarah."

Alice was surprised to hear all of that and she actually decided that she would certainly like Mrs. Shephard.

"Come here, my dear," the woman then said and gave Alice a hug. "I'm sure we'll like each other very much... Jack, she's so pretty!... but wait, where's your family, dear?"

Alice's expression changed from surprise happiness to an actual sadness.

"Oh, God, I said something wrong, did I?"

"You couldn't have known, mom," Jack assured her when putting his arm around Alice. "We really have a lot to talk about," he then added. He might not be able to tell his own mother the truth about the island, but he surely had to tell her about his father and the operation on Alice's twin sister.

* * *

They barely met with their families and they already had to go and attend the press conference, but as Jack said, better get it over with. The reporters kept on asking a lot of difficult questions, but luckily, the survivors' confusion of how to answer was taken as simply being in shock. Kate was asked how it was to give birth on the island and then the reporters smoothly followed with asking about being a convict, which was skillfully bounced by the Oceanic spokesperson. Discussing Kate's criminal past wasn't a part of the deal. Alice was soon asked about the tragic circumstances

preceding her boarding the plane and how she coped with it right after that she crashed on a deserted island. That question also remained unanswered and Jack spoke instead, saying something about how amazing she was on the island. It wasn't true, Alice thought morosely, remembering how she'd actually wanted to die and gotten so close to taking her own life, but then again, nothing that was said in front of the reporters today was true. It was the price they had to pay for being free and for protecting those who were left behind. She briefly thought of Sawyer and Claire. Were they ok? She couldn't have the surety and it was killing her. In a moment, she'd

truly be free, but in the same time, she never would be. Not when she wouldn't know what happened to her friends. She thought that life was never easy. There was always a loss, a price to pay for happiness and then the happy ending was rather bitter. She looked at Hurley who was still angry and clearly not speaking to anyone of the Oceanic Seven; then she glanced at Sun who was also upset, grieving the loss of her husband. And she was pregnant. Alice wouldn't wish that fate on anyone. Kate had taken Aaron, pretending to be his mother and from now on she would have

to extra careful. Not only she was still pending a trial, but she needed to make sure that no gynecologist would ever discovered that she, in fact, was never pregnant. And Kate lost James, too; even more so than Alice. Sayid seemed mostly all right, just being glad that he was out and probably looking forward to what would happen next. And then, there was Jack and finally, Alice saw light in the darkness. She might always be wondering what was going on with both James and Claire and all the rest, but she would also always have Jack. They had both made it, they'd survived. Jack was actually speaking now. He was amazing with what he was doing for them all.

He was right when he said they could trust him and leave it all to him. With his help, they would soon be out of the woods. Another question was asked and he met Alice's eyes, sensing her looking. She instantly felt better and her heart warmed up. She only had to hold on to the end of the conference and then it would finally be over. Then she and Jack would just go home, wherever that was. She was actually happy to know that even though her apartment had been

rented to another person a long time ago, she still owed her bookshop. It was closed and slowly turning into ruin, but it hadn't been sold on any auction yet. That was all she truly needed. And the lawyer hired for her by Oceanic also informed her that some of her stuff was still in the basement of the building she'd used to live in. Her landlord had gotten rid of her clothes, but the photo albums remained as he didn't have the heart to just throw all that memories away, even if the owner and all associated family was gone.

Finally, the conference was over, no more questions were allowed to ask and soon enough one of the bodyguards started guiding the Oceanic Seven to the back exit. The reporters were still screaming at them, but they didn't have to talk to them anymore. They were finally free. Well, maybe except Kate, Alice thought, instantly starting to worry about Aaron's future. What if Kate was thrown into jail? Would Alice be able to take the boy then? She truly wished she could've taken him in and lied that she was his mother, but her medical records from the time of the accident were unquestionable. They might not figure out that Kate wasn't Aaron's mother, but they would surely guess that with Alice.

As she walked, led by the bodyguard, she felt a hand on her shoulder and she calmed down under the familiar touch. Then they were at the door and Jack's arm was around her, making her feel better, making it possible for her to breathe again.

"We're going home," he said into her ear.

As they finally found themselves outside, they saw Sayid hugging and kissing a woman and even though they didn't know who she was, they were actually happy that someone found the Iraqi.

Then came the time for goodbyes. Hugo said a few words, but they didn't sound very honest and he quickly bailed with his parents. Alice just sent him a sad look. It hurt because he was always the one hugging everyone and now he just left. Sun smiled sadly at them and also left with her parents, probably wanting to catch a next plane back to Korea and see her doctor about the pregnancy. Kate was the only one who hugged both Jack and Alice and then she let them say goodbye to Aaron. They offered to give her a ride, but she already had a car waiting for her from Oceanic. They could go to court with the airline, but they already orally agreed to the generous

offer they proposed. It would make them all very rich people and they didn't see any sense in fighting for more. Money wouldn't bring anyone who was dead or simply gone, back. Going to court wouldn't let him forget and they wanted to do just that desperately. They needed to forget in order to keep their sanities and to move on.

"Call us soon!" Alice told Kate as the brunette was walking away and then she finally got into the car Jack's mother was driving.

"Where to?" Mrs. Shephard asked and Jack just told her to drop them off at his place. It was a good thing that the woman hadn't sold or rented his place. After allegedly losing both her husband and son, she just couldn't think of getting rid of anything.

During the whole ride they were all quiet. Alice sensed that Jack's mother wanted to ask them a lot of questions, but she didn't out of respect of all they'd been through. Besides, she already knew the whole story from the press conference and it wasn't like they could tell her the truth. All they did now was to just sit next to each other in the back and hold hands, still not believing their eyes as they saw the world outside the car.

Once Mrs. Shephard stopped the car, she turned to them and said, "If you need anything, just call me, ok? Even if it's the middle of the night." They could tell that she didn't want to let her son go just yet, but his needs were more important to her than her own, so she let go. She could tell that both Jack and Alice were exhausted and drained and they just wanted to be alone.

"Thank you, mom," Jack said and leaned towards her to kiss her cheek. "It's all... too much today, but I promise I'll call you and then come visit as soon as I can."

She nodded and smiled to him through fresh tears in her eyes. "I'm just glad that you're ok. It's really all I could ever ask for."

Jack reciprocated the smile and then got out of the car, followed by Alice.

"So, you live here," she finally spoke on seeing the rather tall and fancy apartment building.

"Yeah," he admitted. "Didn't I mention that I come from a rather wealthy family of doctors?" He smiled at her.

"Nope, you didn't," she made it clear. "Not that I care, but it's a nice transition from my crappy old apartment... Jack," she then started again after a moment of silence in which they made it to the door. "If it's too soon..." she said awkwardly, not really knowing how to put those words together. "I can find something... else... temporary... with the money from Oceanic, I'll be able to afford it."

Jack turned to her in surprise.

"What?" he asked. "Alice, I already told you that I want nothing more than you in my life. After everything that..." He just shook his head as though he was trying to repel the memories. "After everything I've been through... after everything we've been through... I don't see my life going anywhere without you. I won't be happy alone. I need you there in my apartment. I love you. I'm in this for real." He put his hands on her shoulders as he was saying the last part.

She smiled to him brightly through the tears that appeared in her eyes.

"I guess I just have cold feet. I know it's silly, but I'm afraid that..."

"I will not leave you. You will never have to be alone again. I am your family now," he assured her when looking her deeply in the eye and drawing soothing circles with his fingers on her shoulders.

"Good. I feel the same way," she finally said and was about to kiss him when the door opened, showing a stunned doorman.

"I'm sorry, doctor Shephard," he apologized quickly, realizing that he interrupted something. "I just can't believe it's really you!"

"It's nice to see you, too, Philip." Jack turned to the man with a smile.

"It's really great to see you alive, doctor!"

"This is Alice," Jack introduced her . "She'll be living with me now."

"It's an honor, miss," the man told her and kissed her hand. She laughed at that sweetly.

"Well, that was a warm welcome," Jack said when they were both already in the elevator riding upstairs.

"You have quite the reputation, doctor Shephard," she teased him when taking his arm.

"It was just one miracle operation," he said as though he didn't think of himself to be so good.

"And what about the successful tumor removal on the island? That wasn't a show off your skills? You saved Ben's life."

"Only to save you," he assured her when the elevator stopped and they were finally in Jack's spacious and actually well-furnished apartment.

"It paid off since he let us go," she said.

"So, what are you want to do now?" Jack asked her, finally taking her into her arms and kissing her like he'd wanted to downstairs.

She kissed him back with an equal fervor. Just a second ago she didn't feel like doing anything else but sleeping, but once their lips touched and she finally felt save and happy that she was back in the civilized world with Jack, she felt the fire burning inside her and it only grew hotter. She moaned when his tongue found its way into her mouth, ravishing her completely, making her

forget her own name and then Jack's hands were on her hips and pulled her in, showing her how ready he was for her. In fact, he was already fully aroused and needy.

"Wait... wait..." she woke up after a moment and it took all her willpower to pull away, but she did it. And it wasn't for her, it was for him. She might be ready for a baby, but he wasn't. At least they hadn't talked about it yet and the last time they'd had he didn't want one. Besides, now that they were back home, she saw how silly it would be to get pregnant after barely months of knowing each other. "Condom... Do you happen to...?" she started, but he interrupted her with a smile on his face.

"I think I have some," he answered.

"Oh, thank God! Where's the bedroom?" she asked, but instead of actually looking for it, she started kissing him again and he raised her up until her legs were securely wound around his hips.

Then he carried her to the needed room and gently lowered on the bed. He was actually looking for a few minutes, but finally found a pack of condoms in the bathroom. They couldn't seem to wait any longer. Clothes were ripped, hands touched and explored desperately, trying to cover everything at once as they hadn't been in this position for what seemed like forever. Lips touched and sucked, tongues licked and mingled together and then Jack lined up and pushed until he was buried completely inside of her and her back arched in pleasure and anticipation. Then they were just moving, doing what felt right, doing what felt natural, losing themselves within each other, reaching their completion. And right after that, they fell into deep sleep.


	29. Chapter 29 jack

Alice woke up in blissfulness and heat. She actually moaned in pleasure at the sensations of soft bed underneath her and a hot, naked and very aroused body pressing into her back. Jack's arms were around her, holding her close to him, his breath on the back of her neck. She felt perfectly happy in this moment and she actually decided that crashing on the island was the best thing that could've happened to her after her parents' and Annie's death. She'd though she would never find peace of mind or any kind of happiness again and here she was, with the man she loved more than anything. They survived and they were together and for now, it was all that mattered.

She shifted, grazing her butt against Jack's erection, then heard him groan and finally say in a muffled voice, "God, please, don't move."

"And why is that?" she asked, giggling as she turned around and looked at him.

"Because I'll just lose it."

"You're very needy," she told him when cupping his face and gently running her fingers through his scratchy by now cheeks.

"Well, it's been a long time."

"Mhm..." she uttered when pressing her lips against him and kissing him deeply. "Good morning," she said when she pulled away and looked into his glazy eyes.

"The best," Jack whispered and then Alice decided to straddle him. "Oh! Are you ready?" he made sure, surprised that she jumped him so fast.

"Always," she answered before lowering herself down and capturing his lips again, her hand in the same time wondered to his groin and guided him inside.

"Definitely the best," Jack repeated and she agreed as she rocked against him and kept on kissing him.

* * *

"Oh my God, I missed this so much," Alice said in blissfulness. "How long it's been? Over one hundred days for sure," she decided.

"It's been longer for me," Jack said, running a path down her arm with a sponge. "Or... pretty much never."

"You've never had a bubble bath?!" She was so surprised that she turned around, splashing the water over the tub and onto the floor. "Seriously?!"

"No, of course I have," he protested. "It's just... I've never taken one with a woman," he admitted when touching her face. "Maybe I should have. It's pleasant. Although I can't imagine actually having sex in here. It's slippery and the whole bathroom would be flooded."

Alice playfully swatted him upside the head.

"What did I say?"

"You only think about one thing!" she scolded him. "I'm a human being, you know, not just a sex machine!"

He laughed soundly and she really enjoyed that since they'd very rarely laughed like this on the island. There had always been a shadow ahead of them, a problem to solve or something to worry about. Now they were free. And it felt amazing.

"I know that. I'm sorry," he said, his voice actually growing serious.

"Apologizes accepted as long as you truly love me for more than just my body."

"Are you kidding me? How many times have I told you that?"

"You have to do this at least one more," she teased and finally heaved herself up and got out of the tub, placing a towel around herself. "And I'm actually glad I'm the first at something, even if that happens to be a bubble bath." She winked at him. "Breakfast? I'm starving!"

"Breakfast and coffee. Lots of coffee!" Jack agreed, following her example and then grabbing her hips and swirling her around so he could kiss her again. She giggled as he did so.

"But no cereal! I want real, fried pancakes."

"Then we're making pancakes," he agreed.

"And then... I guess I'll have to go shopping for some clothes," she decided, realizing that there really wasn't much she could put on.

"Then go. I need to run to the hospital anyway. I want my job back."

"And just like that, we're back to a normal life," she said.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Of course not! I can't wait to go and see my bookshop! There's going to be so much work to do there!"

"But once the day is over, we'll get to get back home to each other and spend the evening together and then there'll be weekends," Jack said when kissing her again. He couldn't seem to get enough of her as now once again there were no boundaries between them. "Well, provided I won't be on call."

"I've never actually considered that dating a doctor could be this hard," Alice realized with a frown. "They always put it in such a bright light!"

"Are you backing out now?"

"Never! I'm too much in love with you!"

* * *

Days flew by fast, maybe even too fast for Alice's taste, but anything was better than grieving after her family or being stuck on the island and not knowing whether she'd survive the next day. At least she was happy. In fact, she'd never been happier and decided to cherish every single moment. She got her bookshop back and was working on it before its second opening. She hoped she would succeed, considered that people didn't buy many books those days as they didn't even have the time to read, and even if – they'd go online and buy an e-book. Still, Alice's place was

somehow special and she'd used to be so proud of it. She had the gift of getting the most rare books and oldest editions. She'd had quite a clientele before she'd gone to Australia and she was looking forward to seeing some of them come back. She'd even met with a few as they'd come by to tell her how happy they were she was alive and back and how sorry they were for everything that happened to her. They also mentioned they'd be back once she opened since they missed the atmosphere and magic of her shop.

Jack got his job back – after all he was a hero who'd survived impossible conditions and helped a lot of people back on the island. Together, they were doing just fine. Great, even. Jack was careful as not to become the workaholic he'd once been and because of which he'd lost Sara. He claimed that the marriage would've ended anyway sooner or later, but it'd had so fast because of him putting his work first, so he tried very hard not to do that and Alice was proud of him.

They both took a day off now since the memorial service for Christian Shephard was to finally happen. There was no body, but Jack needed this closure, he finally needed to attend his father's funeral. His mother had agreed since she'd been grieving the loss of her son and husband so much that she hadn't even been able to attend any events in their memory. How she survived on her own with no family left, that was a mystery to Jack, but he was grateful that she had. She'd received help from her best friend, but beside her, Jack only had one living relative and it was his grandfather, the father of Christian. Unfortunately, he was in the home as he had trouble with his

mind.

"Are you all right?" Alice asked with care in her voice when Jack finally emerged from the bedroom, dressed in a black suit. It'd taken him more time to get ready than her and that only meant one thing.

He just nodded and cleared his throat before he said that he was fine and they could go. Alice's expression softened and she walked over to him and took his hand anyway, running her fingers over his skin. "I'm here for you," she just said and he nodded again, sending her something resembling a grateful smile.

"Let's go," he just said.

* * *

It was hard for Jack to finally give an eulogy at his father's official funeral, Alice could tell. Maybe everyone could since Jack was pretty emotional and his voice wavered a few times, but he got through it all right. And once he did, Alice could see the relief in him, the change. He finally let go of someone who'd been there, in the back of his mind for a very long time now. Maybe it was also the time to let go of the blame. It was obvious that it wasn't Jack's fault that his father drunk himself to death, but the son still thought that if only he'd gotten to Australia sooner, if only he'd listened to his mother sooner or maybe if only he'd reached a hand to his father when Christian

had been fired, things could've been different. That kind of thinking was pointless now since nothing would ever bring the dead ones back and they needed to move on and find happiness again without them. Alice still remembered the look on Jack's mother's face once he told her about the connection he and Alice shared even before the island. Mrs. Shephard started crying and then hugged Alice so tightly that she cried as well because the hug reminded her of actually having a mother.

Alice pushed all those unwelcomed thoughts away and once the service was over, she took Jack's hand and they were ready to leave the church. She spotted Kate with Aaron by the door and was happy to see her friend and the little boy. After all, they hadn't seen each other since the day they'd parted after the Oceanic conference.

Only once they made their way to Kate, a blonde older woman stopped them.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Shephard... can I speak with you for a moment?" she asked.

"Of course," Jack agreed, intrigued.

"Could we do it in private, please?" the woman prompted and Jack looked at Alice.

"Whatever you're here to say, you can say in front of my girlfriend," he turned back to the woman and said in a polite but confident voice.

"That's right, you were in the plane crash, too," the woman turned to Alice. "I'm so sorry for everything you two have been through."

"Excuse me, but... who are you, exactly?" Alice wanted to know. After all, the last thing Jack needed was being bothered by some pretend-to-sympathetic stranger right after his father's funeral.

"I'm Carole Littleton," the woman finally introduced herself. "My daughter died in the crash."

"Oh... I'm so sorry, Mrs. Littleton," Alice quickly said.

"Mrs. Littleton, I am very sorry, too, but I don't understand what you're doing here," Jack admitted, pretty confused to what this woman wanted with him.

"Because it was my daughter that your father came to Australia to see," Carole answered and caused both Jack's and Alice's minds to spin.

"What?"

"Your father had a daughter."

"No, my father didn't have a daughter," Jack protested, but the look in the woman's eyes was actually enough to put those surety to doubt. How much did he really know about Christian Shephard? How many secrets did his father have?

"Oh, he did," Carole confirmed. "If you don't believe, please, feel free to check his phone records. I just... I need to tell you this. The strangest thing, Mr. Shephard, is that she was on the same plane. For a few hours, you might've been even seating close to each other, not even realizing the truth."

Alice felt sick and it had nothing to do with her island's gift, that one was long gone, but she still felt her sixth sense working on overload. Could it be... could it be possible that this daughter of Mrs. Littleton wasn't actually dead? It was one thing to let the families of the people they left behind think their children, brothers, sisters were dead, but to come with such a relative face to face...

"Her name was Claire," Carole then revealed and Alice's hand squeezed Jack's. She could sense that he was thrown off track, but did his best not to show it, because right there, a few feet away from Mrs. Littleton was Aaron, her grandson. And she had no idea. She couldn't have. Not ever. Wasn't that the cruelest thing they'd ever done? Alice wondered. Maybe Hugo was right, maybe they shouldn't have lied. Only then again, the island would be found by Widmore and even if he didn't kill all their friends, he would explore the place and it didn't take a genius to figure out that despite all the horror they'd been through there, it was, indeed, special.

After a few seconds that seemed like a whole eternity, Carole finally left, telling Kate on her way out that she had a beautiful baby boy. Yes, Alice definitely felt sick now.

"What happened?" Kate asked when coming over and seeing the look on both Alice's and Jack's faces.

"That was..." Jack started, but stopped, still in shock. "That was Claire's mother."

"What?" Kate paled. "Does she... does she know?" She looked back, but the woman was already gone.

"No, she doesn't," Alice calmed Kate down. "She was here to... may I?" she made sure she could tell Kate everything and Jack just nodded, trying to put himself back together. And they'd thought the actual funeral would be hard on them that day. "Claire was Jack's half sister and they never knew."

Kate's eyes opened widely and she looked at Aaron and then back at Jack.

"But this means... this means..."

"That Jack is Aaron's uncle."

* * *

During the next few days Jack and Alice didn't really talk about what happened. They'd decided with Kate right after she'd found about Claire's mother that they wouldn't tell her the truth. It was about the hardest decision Alice had ever had to make, but they had no choice even if it worn them down. Actually, it was Kate's decision since she was taking care of Aaron; so once another week passed by, Alice didn't feel so guilty anymore, instead she kept busy. She was working on her bookshop as the opening was happening pretty soon and she also visited her doctor to get better birth control than condoms (they both with Jack were sick of them anyway) while Jack was working at the hospital and doing his best to spend a good amount of his time with her. They just didn't talk about Carole Littleton because there was no point in doing so.

There was one thing Alice needed to do though and that was getting a gun license. Theoretically, they were in no danger, but some things one just couldn't get over no matter how hard they tried. She needed to feel safe and even if being with Jack did that, but she knew it was just an illusion. If someone wanted to hurt them, if someone knew the truth about the island and what they'd done and wanted to get to them, they would. That was why she needed to continue her lessons. Jack had started teaching her how to use a gun on the island, but that wasn't enough. Besides, she

needed to take lessons to actually get the permit for carrying one.

"Why are you doing this?" Jack asked when he found out. He wasn't mad, he just wanted to understand her. "We're safe. There's no danger anymore. I promise you," he added and took her into his arms, raveling in the feel of her fitting perfectly under his chin. He liked that she was smaller and she liked that he was so tall. They fitted together.

"I just don't want to feel helpless ever again, Jack," she answered him and pulled away, so she could look into his eyes. "Can you understand that? Too many bad things has already happened to me and I decided to make my own luck. I know that having a gun can't prevent an accident, but at least I can feel safe. I need to be strong after all the weakness I showed you on the island. I need to protect myself. Just because we're home, doesn't mean that bad things will stop happening to us.

Actually, it's more likely they'll happen in the city."

Jack smiled to her sadly and brushed her cheek with his hand. "I don't mind you taking the class," he finally said. "Do whatever makes you feel safe and happy. I'm here for you. And you shouldn't be ashamed of your weakness back on the island. It's what convinced me that deep inside, we may actually be very alike."

"I don't think you've ever been weak, Jack," she admitted.

"Maybe you don't, but I do." He pulled her to his chest again, his arms around her as though he wanted to shield her from all the evil she thought may wait out there for her, but he knew better than that. He knew he couldn't protect her and she wouldn't even want him to be her knight in a shining armor. She wanted to be strong all on her own and that was just another thing he loved about her. She didn't need him in her life so he could protect her, she did that all by herself, she needed him to just love her and that was exactly what he was doing.

* * *

After the grand reopening of Alice's bookshop, Jack prepared something special for her and he took her away for the rest of the weekend. It was supposed to be romantic, but they were also in a need for some retreat. Kate was pending trial on which they both planned on giving their testimonies – lies, of course. In Jack's opinion this weekend was long overdue since they needed a getaway from their real lives and real problems, a getaway that had nothing to do with being stranded on a strange island, that was.

He booked an apartment, but they didn't stay there for long once they got there since they had a reservation in the best restaurant in town. Alice thought it was all to celebrate the successful reopening of her bookshop – and it was successful. She actually had tears in her eyes when she saw all those people coming in and she really hoped they didn't do that just because they wanted to see her as she was now quite famous, but she also recognized a lot of her old clientele and that calmed her down. Yet, Jack's reason for taking her somewhere had nothing to do with her career as she would soon find out.

"You smell so good and you shaved for a change!" Alice paid him a few compliments. Yes, they were unusually clean and fresh once they got out of the island and Jack could also shave now every day, but he not always had the time for it when being a doctor which left him with a stubble on his face. A stubble that even though looked very hot to Alice, scratched the hell out of her skin.

"You, too, and will you ever let that shaving thing go?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Nope. If you were me, you'd see how painful it is sometimes."

"Well, no one tells you to kiss me all the time," he joked and pulled up a chair for her and then sat on the opposite side of the intimate table he booked for that night.

"What can I say? You're irresistible, Jack." She wined at him, being so happy and giddy that it went to her head and she felt like she didn't even need the wine.

"Oh, so are you."

They enjoyed their getaway and the dinner and then Jack pulled her to the dance floor for a slow dance. She loved to feel his hands on her body, guiding her, leading the dance; to smell the cologne on his neck and to hear his heart beating so close to hers. She truly felt like she was in heaven and she was never more in love than those times. All their problems, Kate's trial, meeting Claire's mother, leaving their friends behind, Hurley checking into psychiatric hospital, all of that flew away from their heads in moments like these. Moments so fleeting, yet so precious.

"You look gorgeous in this dress," Jack whispered into her ear, causing her whole body to shiver.

"You should see what I'm wearing underneath," she teased him, noticing with satisfaction that his breathing sped up.

"Well, what do you say we'll finally go back to our room, then?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she joked.

A few minutes later, they left the restaurant and decided to talk a walk back to their hotel. The night wasn't cold at all and it was nice to get some fresh air. Little did Alice know that Jack had a hidden agenda in suggesting not taking a car. Once they took a walk through a park and didn't see anyone near them, he stopped and she looked up at him, surprised to see him standing in her way and reaching to his pocket.

"Jack? What are you doing?" she asked, not understanding his behavior. At least until he suddenly got on one knee, that was, and until he showed her what was in the small box he took out of that pocket.

"I'm not sure of many things in my life, Alice," he started when looking up at her with tears in his eyes and soon enough, she had them in hers, too. "But I am sure of you, of us. I am certain that I love you and that I never want us to be apart. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" he then asked and she gasped, suddenly speechless.

Only then she thought that he was waiting for her answer and he was still kneeling, so she swallowed and in a hoarse voice said, "Yes. Yes, of course I will!" After the first word, the rest flooded from her mouth like a stream and she was rewarded with a bright, happy smile appearing on Jack's face.

He stood up and before he managed to put the ring on her finger, before she actually took a closer look at it since she was too busy looking at her now fiancé, she raised on her toes, put her arms around his neck and kissed him with all her might, showing him how happy and how much in love she was. She was drinking him in, her senses being invaded with all that was his: his smell, his strong body next to hers, his heat, his mouth and his breath... And when they pulled away, they both needed a moment to catch some air.

Finally, she looked down, seeing the most perfect and beautiful ring she'd ever seen. Not that it was big or intricate. It was simple with one diamond, but she loved it because it hit the bull's eyes with what she would like to have as a engagement ring. She was actually touched that Jack knew her so well and bought exactly this ring. He could afford more, but he got her exactly what she was dreaming of. Even the surrounding was perfect since as they were known as ones of the famous Oceanic Seven, engagement in public restaurant would only end with their pictures in the

papers. Jack clearly thought of everything.

"I love you so much," she said when he slid the small beauty on her finger.

"And I love you," he responded and kissed her again, this time softly, gently, nearly caressing her lips with his, showing her how much he meant what he said, cherishing her and this moment with her.

Next thing they knew, they were at their apartment in the hotel and resumed their kissing, then slowly got rid of their clothes and Jack finally had the chance to see the black lacy lingerie Alice wore that day just for him. And he appreciated her body slowly when taking it off, nearly driving her crazy until he finally had naked and entered her slowly. They needed to make this night meaningful, they didn't feel like going fast or doing anything out of the ordinary, they were just slowly making love to each other when looking into each other's eyes. And this way they reached their completion.

* * *

Kate's trail was like an unpleasant comeback to reality. Barely did they get home, they had to figure out what to say in court and make sure both their stories matched. Jack didn't really have any problems with lying about what had happened on the island since he was the one who'd done most of the talking during the conference, but Alice was another story. Yet, with his help and patience, she perfected her speech, so it didn't seem like she was actually thinking hard on what she was going to say, she just did it as it was the most natural thing in the world, as though it was all true.

"Did you know about miss Austen's criminal past once you met her?" the question was directed towards Jack.

Alice had already testified as they asked if she could go first. If she made a mistake anywhere, Jack could adjust it into his speech, but they knew it wouldn't be so easy the other way around.

"Yes, she mentioned it," Jack admitted.

"What did you think?"

"Honestly? I thought it must've been some kind of a mistake."

"And why is that, Mr. Shephard?"

Alice got nervous. Hadn't they asked her a very similar question already? They really were working hard to catch them on even the smallest mistake.

"Miss Austen was the one who saved us all. She took us out of the water and gave us the first aid. I was unconscious at the time, so I couldn't do anything."

"Mhmmm..." the lawyer murmured. "Mr. Shephard, what is your relation with miss Austen?"

"Excuse me?" Jack seemed surprised and not only he. Alice opened her eyes widely, too.

"Are you two involved somehow? Maybe you were involved."

"No. We were never involved. In fact, back on the island I entered a relationship with my present fiancée, miss Stevens."

Kate's lawyer hadn't been fooling around when he'd warned them about the trial. It seemed incomprehensible that the prosecutor could ever think that Jack's relationship with Alice was a sham to cover up his real relationship with Kate. Alice wasn't sure he and Kate would've even figured up something so complicated if they'd really been together.

Finally, Jack was free and he joined Alice on the bench with relief, immediately taking her hand.

They were all even more relieved when Kate's mother actually refused to testify and without her, Kate had a very small chance of being found guilty. She actually signed an agreement with the

prosecutor that she wouldn't leave the state and agreed to a period of probation. Just like that it was all over and Alice could finally ask Kate to be her maid of honor. She and Jack were planning to get married right away, after all.

* * *

"...and I promise you to always be there for you, to never leave you. I will always be who and what you'll need. I will be your love, your best friend, your partner in life and your reason to live." Jack truly didn't know where those words had come from when he'd once again been trying to write his vows. This time it'd gone smoothly and he'd said exactly what he wanted to say to Alice, what he wanted to promise her and what she should hear. Maybe it was a proof that he never should've married Sara, but what was done was done. He could only be happy that he'd finally found the right woman, the one for him.

They got married in a small but cozy chapel that seemed to be just right for them. Someone had suggested that they should get marry on the beach, but they'd quickly abandoned that idea, having had enough of sand and water for a whole lifetime.

They weren't many people present, just the closest ones, but it was enough for them. Jack's mother and grandfather were there and Kate with Aaron. Sun was in Korea, now controlling her father's company and she couldn't come that week, Hugo was still in a psychiatric hospital and Sayid was somewhere, travelling with Nadia.

As they finished their vows and sealed their relationship with a kiss, Jack thought of another gift he wanted to give his now wife. He was going to tell her that he was ready to try and become a father. Their family was very small even with his mother and Kate with his nephew in it, so maybe they could have that child Alice always wanted. She didn't say anything and she was perfectly fine with him not wanting to rush things too much for which he loved her even more, but he figured he was finally ready. She made him believe that he could love and raise their child and be a good father, too.


	30. Chapter 30 jack

She should have known, Alice thought. She truly should have. Maybe she did know. Maybe deep down inside she did know the truth but refused to acknowledge it. Didn't we all? Maybe she'd known it back on the island the moment Juliet had told her that she wasn't pregnant.

How could she not get pregnant if even Sun's previously infertile husband managed to make a baby? The odds had been definitely in Alice's favor then. Yet, she hadn't. Still, it could've happened. It could have.

Now she was sure it would never.

Months were flying by and they were trying for a baby with Jack. She wasn't pushy, she wasn't obsessed with having sex all the time just to get pregnant. They simply didn't use any birth control and decided to wait and see what would happen. Only nothing happened and they'd been together pretty regularly with being newlyweds and all.

At some point Alice decided to get tested. She didn't tell Jack just yet. First, she just needed to know for herself, although deep down inside she seemed to already.

And she was right – she could not have kids.

She was just sitting there, in her doctor's office, hearing what he was saying but not really listening. There were other methods. She was sure they were. They could adopt. They could use a surrogate... they could...

At some point she just left and then wandered the streets for hours. She didn't know what to do and who to talk to. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk to Jack just yet and somehow she ended up at Kate's. She really felt the need to just talk to her friend and the first person she thought of was James, but that wasn't possible. He was back on the island. She'd abandoned him like all the others. Only he'd actually made that choice for himself. Still, it didn't mean it was any easier for her.

"Alice? What happened?" Kate asked once she opened the door and just then Alice realized she was crying. "Did something happen to Jack?"

Alice shook her head as she stepped into Kate's house.

"Then what is it? Talk to me."

Alice walked into Kate's living room and just sat there on the couch.

"Where's Aaron?" she asked.

"I put him to sleep. Alice, talk to me, please. You're scaring me," Kate pleaded when squatting right next to her friend and looking up at her.

That was the moment Alice actually realized it was really late. Jack would soon start looking for her. Maybe he was even calling her right now, but she didn't care enough to retrieve her phone from her purse and switch it from vibrations to a loud mode.

"I think I knew it ever since it didn't happen for me on the island," Alice finally started to explain, but needless to say, Kate didn't understand a thing.

"What are you...?" she started.

"I never got pregnant on the island and I should have," Alice cleared it out.

"But this doesn't mean anything. I slept with Sawyer twice on the island and I also didn't get pregnant," Kate said.

"Well, I did it more than just twice," Alice pointed out. "And the probabilities don't matter here, Kate. I went to see my doctor. I can't have kids."

"Oh," Kate said. "But I'm sure Jack will understand," she then added, trying to make Alice feel better. "And you have Aaron and you can always adopt. There are a million ways to get a child these days, Alice. You shouldn't get discouraged just because..."

"Oh, sure, Jack _will_ understand," Alice admitted with a nod. "He never wanted a kid anyway."

"Alice..."

"It's true. He thinks he's finally ready, but once he hears this..."

"Alice," Kate's voice hardened and grew serious as she took her friend's hands and looked her in the eye, "not being able to conceive a baby isn't the end of the world. You and Jack survived the island where you could easily die. We managed to get out and that all that matters. The rest doesn't. Not really. You will figure everything out. I'm sure of it. And just look at the bright side: no getting fat, no stretch marks, your boobs will stay on the same level they are now and will never have trouble holding it in when you need to go to the bathroom."

"You're not helping, you know," Alice said, but in the same time she couldn't help but laugh at what Kate said.

"I understand that you wanted to have kids because all the family you have is Jack, but I am your family, too," Kate assured her. "And Aaron."

"Thank you," Alice just said, hugging Kate. "You made me feel so much better."

"I'm glad. Now, go see Jack. I'm sure he's worried about you."

As on a cue, the doorbell rang and once Kate opened, she saw the person in question.

"Hi, Kate. I'm sorry to come by so late, but have you seen... Alice?" Jack just then noticed his wife emerging from Kate's house and instead of being relieved to having found her, he got worried again. "What happened?" he asked.

"I'll tell you on the way home," Alice just promised and said goodbye to Kate, thanking her for all the help.

* * *

He hid it well once she told him. Almost too well. But she still noticed. She also knew him too well as not to.

He told her that they would be all right, that everything would be ok and that she had him to lean on and then he hugged her and everything would be perfect, everything would be just right if it wasn't for that look. That one feeling that destroyed everything and somehow, suddenly put them miles apart.

It was relief.

Once he let her go and she lied that she was all right and wanted a moment to herself, she reached for a drink. She really needed it.

* * *

It wasn't that Alice was stubborn. She wanted to have kids, she did, but she didn't have to have them in order to be happy. She was already happy. Well, at least she had been. Maybe she shouldn't have agreed to trying so soon. It was Jack's decision, too, he was the one to breach the subject and he was the one to say yes, but somehow she could feel it that he was doing it for her.

Actually, her not been able to conceive somehow made things worse. That brought a whole new debate. Where they ever going to adopt? Were they going to hire a surrogate? Were they just going to give up and enjoy what they could have in their life? In their relationship? And they had plenty enough. They really did. Alice knew how the world worked. She truly had no illusions. She knew that falling in love with someone like Jack, someone who loved her back just as strongly, was rare. Besides, she knew most men. Most men didn't care. Most men cheated and treated their wives badly. She would never agree to such a treatment and she would leave any guy for it even if she loved him more than anything. Luckily for her, she didn't have to be brave, she didn't have to let go. She was in love with a guy who, yes, had some issues, but who didn't? What was important was that Jack was honest and loving and he would never cheat on her. Once a woman had kissed him while he'd been with Sara and he'd fessed up immediately, so no, Alice wasn't worried about Jack being unfaithful. She was worried for an entire different reason.

They just couldn't seem to talk about what happened as though they were both afraid of what the other side would say. Eventually, they pulled it off for so long that they actually forgot. Only it would always be there as it somehow created an unbreakable barrier between them and as days, weeks and months went by, they seemed to be only getting further away from each other. At first they didn't even notice. Just then when Alice found an empty box of pills that Jack must've taken, she got scared. Why would he be in any need of them? He came back home later than usual and she knew he'd put extra hours in the hospital as there was always a new emergency. The news about Sayid's wife's death and Hugo refusing anyone who wanted to visit were bad. It seemed like even though they were back, they couldn't find happiness.

* * *

For Jack, it wasn't even about the child. It was about much more than that. In fact, it was everything that had been happening recently. He seemed to be getting further away from his wife, but it wasn't because he wanted to. He worked longer hours to forget, to not be afraid, to jam the feelings and dreams and visions he seemed to be having. But yes, a child or rather its lack and the relief he felt and hated himself for more than anything was also a part of it. How were they supposed to have a kid now anyway? He was a mess. The truth that he didn't want to burden Alice with was that he wasn't all right. He didn't want her to see him like that. He wanted her to think he was ok. She'd lost and worried too much already just to have to be worried about one more thing – his mental health. Because how could he be healthy? _How_ if he kept on seeing his dad father everywhere he went. He couldn't sleep and needed drugs for that. He was being haunted by visions of Claire calling him brother and asking where her baby was. To everyone else he was fine, maybe just a little bit overwhelmed by everything that had happened in his private life recently – at least he wanted Alice to think so. Inside, he was a mess. He just couldn't seem to come to terms with the fact that he so carelessly left his own sister on the island. He couldn't know who she really was at the time, but still, he'd left all of them there. He was the one to tell the rest they should lie. It was all _his_ fault. Maybe he should have listened to Hurley. Maybe then his conscience wouldn't lay so heavy on him now.

* * *

Alice could feel it even without the gift she'd had back on the island. The end of the blissful life she'd been having with Jack was coming to an end. In fact, it'd been happening over the last few months. She didn't know how they even got here. How could they just lose their communication like this. At first, she just didn't want to breech the baby subject too soon and she actually got over

it. She didn't see any sense in talking to Jack about it since maybe she actually wasn't ready herself to think of alternative ways of having it anyway. Still, there was something else, something Jack wasn't telling her and she knew it. She'd found out what it was that one day when she'd come across that empty bottle of pills. Then she kept on noticing the little things she'd somehow missed before. The circles under Jack's eyes, his unsteady pace, him fidgeting in bed during the nights and then him not being there at all. It wasn't that he was out, looking for something he couldn't get at home, he _was_ in the house, he just didn't sleep. And tonight the hospital called, asking for Mrs. Shephard, making sure everything was all right with her husband and telling her that maybe he needed help. It wasn't pleasant for Alice to be on the receiving end of this conversation. She was ashamed, actually, that Jack's coworkers got as far as to actually calling her. This changed everything. She was no longer hiding, no longer avoiding the subject. She was going to confront Jack tonight.

Once he got back home he seemed even more out of it than before or maybe Alice had just been so blind that she hadn't noticed. Maybe she didn't want to. All the ifs and maybes were killing her. She barely asked what was happening, what was wrong, why he was so distant, why he looked so haunted and she met with denial. Of course he would deny it all. Of course he would say it was

nothing and that he was fine. He was too proud to admit anything else, she knew him too well by now and she remembered Juliet taking out his appendix clearly.

"Jack, if you didn't want kids, you should've just said something," she finally said when sighing deeply, tired of them arguing over nothing. Tired of not getting any answers. "I never said I absolutely needed them in order to be happy. Just tell me the truth. I can take it. We can still save us..."

"Save us? Alice, can't you see...?" he stopped for a moment, tears welling up in his eyes. It was also the first time she noticed his whole body slightly shaking along with his hands. "There's no saving for us. There never really was," he said and she shot him a surprised look. Was he talking about _them_? _Together_? In a relationship? Was he really giving up?

"Wait... What... What are you saying?" she asked carefully, putting her hands in front of her body as though she was trying to shield herself, but there was no shielding from the blow that went straight to her heart with his next words. Nothing could ever shield her from that.

"I'm a mess. And yes, I was relieved when you told me you couldn't have kids. Is this what you wanted to hear?!" he raised his voice. "Did you really want to hear that I was happy that we couldn't have a baby?! That I was relieved because I wouldn't become my father and through that I kind of became just that?! And then..." He shook his head. "Then it all went to hell."

"Jack, I don't..." She had to wipe the tears from her face. "I don't understand. Please, help me understand what happened then."

In response, he just shook his head again, remaining silent, not wanting to burden her with his problems, not wanting her to think he was going crazy. Maybe he was. Yes, that was probably it. And he was hurting her even more by that.

"Jack, I am sure that no matter what, you'd be an amazing father," she tried a different approach. "But I never said I must absolutely have..."she started then and he cut in.

"Stop!" he screamed and she actually did, for the first time terrified of the strength of his voice. "Just stop!" he pleaded her, now crying as well, but the tone of his voice remaining high.

And then... then he did something that broke Alice's heart into million pieces. He just turned away and left, slamming the door. For a moment, she thought he'd come back in the morning once he'd cool off, but somehow, deep down inside it felt final. It felt... unsalvageable. Like they were over.

Were they...?

* * *

He didn't come home the next day. And the next. And the next. And the one after that, too.

She tried calling and texting, but never received any answer.

She missed him. She wanted him back even if he was broken. She didn't care. She simply needed him and they could always go through it all together. She could help him just as he'd once helped her.

She wanted to do just that desperately, but it was all for nothing if he refused her help, if he didn't want to be helped.

After a week, she stopped trying reaching her hand out to him. She'd cried enough that time and she decided not to cry anymore. She would not be so eager to forgive once he came around either. It would take a lot of time and work from his side. Only... was he _ever_ going to come back? Then again, why wouldn't he? Even though they were married now, so whatever was his, was hers and vice versa, the apartment had been his before. Why would he want to just give it up?

Alice really needed to talk to someone and she actually found herself missing James more and more. She'd been in denial all this time. She'd kept on pushing the thoughts of those left behind away, but the truth was that once she let it all in, once she let go of the happiness with Jack she'd been holding on to maybe a little too much, she felt terribly lonely and guilty. She was worried about James and the rest. She was worried about Claire. For the first time since she'd gotten out, she actually wished for her gift to come back, so she would know if the people she loved were all right, including Jack and maybe even Kate. Once Alice thought of Sawyer, she usually called Kate and talked to her instead, but recently the woman had been busy and kind of out of everything, acting strange and avoiding any meetings. Because of that, Alice was left completely

alone. Calling Jack's mother wouldn't feel right as well as she didn't want to worry the woman. Jack had already divorced once, Mrs. Shephard didn't need to think he was going to do it again.

And it was exactly at this vulnerable for Alice time that she opened the door for no one else but John Locke.

When she saw him, for a moment she just stood there, not believing her own eyes. Was this really John? If so, what happened? How had he even gotten out of the island?!

"John?" Her voice finally returned. "Oh my God! John! What are you doing here?!" she asked, a million questions appearing in her head at once.

"Hello, Alice," he said politely and just smiled. "May I come in?"

"Of course. Of course," she said and opened the door wider for him.

"Please, refer to me as Jeremy Bentham from now on. No one can know I'm here."

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked, quickly provided him with the wanted glass of water and finally sat down with him in the living room. "So... John..."

"They're fine," he answered before she even formed the question. "At least they were... moderately fine when I left."

"Did James...?"

"He swam back to the island. He's alive."

"Thank God!" Alice breathed out in relief. "And he's still on the island?" she made sure.

"They are all still on the island, Alice and they need our help."

She frowned when she heard that.

"What do you mean they need our help?"

"I made my way back for one reason only and that is to get you all back to the island."

For a moment there she thought he was joking, but then when he didn't say anything else and his face remained dead serious, Alice felt a shiver running down her spine. No, she most definitely didn't want to come back. Not even to save James.

"Aha. And who's coming back?" she just asked, swallowing hard.

"For now?" John only sighed which pretty much told her everything.

"No one in their right minds will listen to you, John! We can help them. We can help all those people that we left behind, but not like this! We can get them back and... get them new identities like you did! But I am not going back there."

"I'm not surprised, but I promised I would try," John simply said. "And Jack already forbid me to see you."

"You talked to Jack?" that piqued her interest even more.

"Yes. And he is a mess. I told him he can find his purpose again. All he needs to do is come back there. All of you need to do that."

"Don't you dare!" Alice raised her voice and actually stood up, towering over John's still sitting figure. "Don't you dare talking Jack into doing it! Do you understand me?! I'm already struggling to help him and getting him back to the island will only make things worse!"

"Alice, calm down..." John said and stood up, raising his hands up as though he was surrendering. "I'm just trying..."

"You're not trying to do shit!" she screamed, surprising even herself. That sentence was more in James's style than hers. Well, she must've really missed him. "Why don't you just tell me how they really are? How have they been all this time on the island?"

"Come back with me and you'll find out."

Alice actually laughed straight into John's face.

"No, I don't think so. And I would like for you to leave this apartment now, John."

"You'll understand it one day and then it'll be too late. Your friends will already be dead," he tried one more time as he moved to the door.

His hand was on the knob and he was almost leaving when Alice remembered something. Who else was better to answer her questions than Locke?

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Of course," he agreed. She felt bad that he was still so nice and she didn't return the favor, but then again, just thinking of his proposition made her want to start screaming at him.

"John, if the island heals... why didn't it heal me?"

"What do you mean, Alice?" he asked. "Were you sick?"

"I can't... I can't have kids," she confessed. Only Jack and Kate knew, so it was kind of a big reveal to her. "So why... why couldn't I get pregnant on the island? Sun and Jin did."

John thought for a moment and then he simply said, "Maybe the island had bigger plans for you, Alice. Maybe it didn't want you to get pregnant because all the women there die."

"And that's your answer, John? That's nothing."

"I don't know everything. I really wish you all the best, Alice. I wish I was wrong, too, but unfortunately for all of you, you need to get back and I think you will sooner or later."

"We won't," she answered in surety. "And there's nothing you can do about it, John."

* * *

 _There's nothing you can do about it, John_ , Alice thought those words over and over again. It was the last thing she'd ever said to him. The last thing she'd ever say. Because this morning she read an obituary in the paper. An obituary for Jeremy Bentham. John was dead. Did he really think that it would take death for them to come back? No, that wasn't enough for Alice. She felt sorry for Locke, she did, but she was also angry about him disturbing her and everyone else's lives. Did he lose his will to live? Had everybody said no? She was pretty sure that it was the case. Still, for now she had worse problems. Jack's mother called her today and asked about her son.

Apparently, Jack had been seen drunk in the pharmacy where Mrs. Shephard's friend worked and she informed that not only Jack was drunk, but he was also trying to get highly addictive pills with a prescription he'd wrote himself. Alice's mother-in-law was worried and Alice was just terrified and felt lost. Because it seemed as though her worst fears were coming true. She'd been afraid before that eventually Jack would pick up after his father and now he was drinking and taking drugs. She didn't like his newly-developed destructive behavior and didn't know how to help him.

* * *

Jack was standing on the bridge, looking down and wondering how it would be like to just jump. It was as though he needed a catastrophe, even one in which he would lose his life. He kept on flying commercial airlines to Sydney and then coming back, hoping one of those planes would crash. It'd all happened long before Locke paid him a visit, but somehow it got worse after that. This morning he read Bentham's obituary and felt so helpless. He'd used to be the hero, he'd used to fix things and now he seemed to break them. When standing on that bridge he was thinking of Alice, of their broken relationship. He screwed up too much, he knew it. She'd been getting further and further away from him with every day he didn't talk to her and now... now it was just too late. He could feel it.

He decided to jump. He would just throw himself down and think of her, of their happy moments together and forget about all the bad ones. He already raised one leg, standing only on the other one when he heard a crash and then screaming.

Apparently, his suicide would have to wait. He needed to help the people in that car.

* * *

Alice thought nothing worse could happen that day, but there it was. She received a call from the hospital, saying that her husband was in a car accident. They didn't give her any details, didn't tell her that he wasn't in the car, that he wasn't highly injured. She didn't think about it. She just drove to the hospital and ran to the room in which Jack was supposed to be in. The nurse already notified her that her husband was actually the hero and they only had to take care of the cut on his forehead that he'd gotten when taking the woman out of the burning car. A car which could've blown up any second, Alice realized and shivered. She'd once again come so close to losing him and she hadn't even known it.

"Jack!" she called his name when she pushed the door open. She forgot that they hadn't been speaking for a very long time and that she was the one who tried to contact him and not the other way around.

Once she saw him sitting on the cot and she realized all of that, she was scared. He looked like a wreck of the man she'd used to love. He had a beard and the circles under his bloodshot eyes had only grown bigger and somehow he seemed out of it as though he was on drugs or drunk.

"Jack... why didn't you want to talk me? They only called me because I'm your emergency contact."

"I... I guess I didn't want you to see me like this. I wanted to get better... on my own," he mumbled and she barely understood him.

"You need help, Jack, the kind of that you can't possibly provide for yourself."

"I'm a doctor!" he raised his voice, which only showed her how derailed he truly was.

"Really? Because they told me they forced you to go on a leave. They actually threaten to take your license, Jack!"

He didn't react, didn't even look her in the eye, ashamed that she saw him in this condition. Good, she thought with satisfaction. Good, maybe that would force him to do something with himself, to seek help.

Only now she felt beyond being the person who could do that to him. Maybe if he'd reached out to her before, but not now. Now he needed a specialist. So she directed herself to the door because she had her pride. She would not beg him to talk to her, she would not ask him to seek help one more time. He'd hurt her and he hadn't called or come back home all this time. She was simply done chasing after him because soon enough she'd lose all her self-respect. She would not chase after a man like this, she thought with tears welling up in her eyes.

As she turned to the door, she said one more thing, "Please, do not become your father. Don't become the one thing you always despised. It really breaks my heart, Jack." Then she simply left.

She held on as she walked through the hall. She held on when she took the elevator down and finally left the hospital. It was only when she got to her car and locked herself safely inside that she burst out crying, feeling her heart breaking once again. Maybe this time Jack simply shattered it.

* * *

Before Jack left the hospital, he wanted to check on the woman he'd saved and was stopped by another doctor, a much younger one, he noticed with despise. And that rookie had the audacity to tell him that the woman was not Jack's patient. Jack shouldn't even be in this hospital right now, at least not as a doctor.

"No, no!" Jack protested violently. "She is my patient and I want to operate!" After he said that, he actually staggered, which only made him feel worse and more ashamed.

That was when the rookie told him, "Doctor Shephard... what were you even doing on that bridge? The woman whom life you saved said that she only lost control over that car because she saw a man standing on the ledge and trying to jump. Now, Jack... how did you get there so fast?"

Suddenly, Jack felt sick. He didn't say anything back to the younger doctor, he just directed himself to the exit and left the hospital.

Wasn't that exactly the same thing his father did? He thought as he caught a taxi. His father had operated while drunk and it cost a young woman her life. What more, that woman was Alice's sister. Was Jack really like his father now? Was Alice right when she told him that?

* * *

Seeing Bentham's dead body and then Linus appearing was like a catharsis to Jack. He seemed to have found a purpose. Something to do. He was going to go back, but it wasn't only because of his half-sister, Claire. It was because he had nothing else living for here. He already lost Alice and his job.

Next, he would either succeed in committing suicide or just come back to save everyone who was left behind. He couldn't just kill himself. He saw now what that would do to Alice.

He came back to his motel room and sat heavily on the bed, hiding his face in his hands and simply crying. Right now, when he finally made his decision, he actually wanted to come back home. He wanted to change. So badly. So much. He so badly wanted to be with Alice again and to make her happy. The look he saw on her face and in her eyes today, would probably haunt him forever. Unless he'd do something about it. Only then again, what could he really do? Could he really just go back to what they'd had? He doubted that very much. He needed something else. He needed a purpose. A calling. He needed... probably something to fix. And that was why he found himself that something. Or it found him. It didn't really matter.

Still, he need to apologize first. He owed her at least that much.

So he picked up the phone and called her. And then he asked her to see him.


	31. Chapter 31 jack

He just needed to see her. He knew it wouldn't be to come back to her. It was too late for that and he couldn't be fixed that easily. Not this time. He just needed to say he was sorry and he needed to tell her what he was about to do, so she wouldn't look for him.

Alice drove over to the marine just as he asked her to and his heart was already pounding in his chest since he knew he was going to see her again. Maybe it would be the last time, some nasty voice in his head whispered, but he discarded it, trying to enjoy this little moment with her he was about to have.

She was beautiful when she stepped out of the car. He hadn't had much courage to really look at her back in the hospital, so right now he felt like he never wanted to stop looking. Also, he felt like they were terribly mismatched in that moment. She was wearing a long coat, had her make up on, skirt and high heels. He had old pair of jeans on him, a white undershirt and an old jacket carelessly put over it. He didn't even feel cold, he was so broken.

Once she came closer and stood right in front of him, he could see the sadness marring her beauty, or maybe not. She was and would always be beautiful to him, but he'd rather see her smile. He'd caused her to smile so many times and now he hated himself for doing just the opposite.

"You're not speaking to me for weeks, then I get a call that you were in an accident and you don't speak to me again. And _now_ you want to meet? Why, Jack?" she asked, her voice already sounding tired.

She was probably exhausted because of him since she couldn't know whether he was coming home. She felt stuck, having no idea where to go, how to plan her future anymore. And he didn't know what to tell her. He wasn't ready to let her go, but maybe that was the right thing to do. That was why he'd called and asked to meet here, wasn't it?

"Why here? Why didn't you just come home?" she kept on asking, throwing one question after the other and he truly didn't know what to say.

He couldn't tell her the truth. The truth was that he was weak and once he walked into their apartment, he wouldn't be able to leave again. And then he would hurt her all over again.

"I just needed to see you," he finally settled on saying.

"So you said already. Over the phone. Jack," she said his name and stopped, then closed her eyes for a moment, sighing deeply. "What are you doing to yourself? You need to pull yourself together. You called me and you're speaking to me, so that's progress, but you need to meet me half-way here. I want to help you."

"I didn't want to meet so I could ask for help," he explained, "I wanted to say goodbye."

For a moment there, Alice seemed shocked, but then she recovered and just asked, "Why? Do you really want to end this marriage like this? Tell me you don't love me and maybe then I'll believe you," her voice grew bitter, bordering on resentfulness. At least this was better than crying, Alice thought, but still, she couldn't stop her eyes from getting a little bit wet.

"No, that's not it," Jack told her and she frowned, not understanding anything anymore. "I'm going back, Alice. I'm going back to the island," he finally told her the truth.

And here she thought him saying they were over would be a surprise

"What?!" she nearly screamed. "Are you crazy?! Well, wait, let me take that question back because you obviously are!"

"Calm down, Alice. I just..."

"Don't tell me to calm down! Locke got to you, didn't he? He visited you just like he visited me!"

"I'm not asking you to go with me. I would like that very much, but..." Jack just shook his head. "I don't care if we all need to come back. I care about you too much to ask you this."

"Good, then don't. And just so you know, I care about you just as much and maybe even more, considering what you've been doing to me those past few weeks! Jack," her voice came back to normal as she took a deep breath, "don't you dare thinking you need to come back. You've done enough. You've saved enough people back there. We would've been lost without you. You saved _me_!"

"Yes, but I need to save the rest as well. I have to."

"Why?"

"I just do. I feel like it's my..."

She actually slapped him across the face.

"You used to say there was no such thing as destiny, Jack! That you made your own luck! What happened to that? What made you change so much?!" When he didn't answer, she just asked, "Who's going to save you, Jack?" her voice wavered and when he still refused to talk, she just shook her head, brushing the tears away from her face with her hand. "Well, I'm not going with you."

"I didn't ask you to."

"But Locke did. And the answer is still no. I don't care if he's dead. I don't care if he killed himself. Apparently, he was just an old man looking for something grater in life, looking for a purpose. He was wrong, Jack and you are, too. I really hope you realize that before you'll become him. Goodbye."

She turned around and left, getting into her car and driving away.

She was even more shaken now than she'd been before seeing him. More hurt. More... everything. Was it so hard for him to just clean himself up from any drugs or alcohol and start fighting for her? Didn't he want them back together and happy? Why did he choose the more difficult alternative? Why was he coming back? Did finding out about Claire had gotten to him so much? If so, why wasn't he spending any time with Aaron? It was his nephew, after all.

Tears were flowing from Alice's eyes and suddenly, she saw a flash of light and heard a car horn. She panicked and screamed when another vehicle barely managed to pass her by. She then drove off the road and killed the engine, feeling her whole body shaking. Next thing she new, her head was on the steering wheel and she cried even harder, not able to catch her breath.

She forced herself to sit straight and to close her eyes and to just focus on breathing. Only breathing as they taught in yoga class. A deep breath in through the nose, a deep breath out through the mouth. She repeated that a few more times until she calmed herself down and was finally able to come back home. Only once she got there, she started crying all over again.

* * *

Alice was spread across the couch with a bottle of wine in her hand. There seemed to be no escape for her but to just lie there and drink. She never was a strong liquor kind of a girl, could never handle it and felt terrible after even one small glass. She did like her wine, though and tonight she would drink as much as she wanted as she couldn't find another way to dull her pain anymore.

She officially lost Jack. They were just over. She couldn't dissuade him from coming back and she refused to come with him. That island only brought her misery. What would they even do after coming back there? Save the people they left behind? How? How would they ever get them all back home without raising any suspicions? There were only seven survivors from the flight Oceanic 815. _Seven_. Not even one more. They'd all lied about that. They'd all made sure the island and everyone on it would never be found.

The island... she wondered. It'd been moved, so how Jack would even find it again? Did he have some directions from Locke? What about the others?

Alice didn't know. She could call the rest and ask about it, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to go back. She didn't want to think about Claire, about Aaron being raised without his biological mother, about James... Even though he was a jackass most of the times, she missed him so much! And now she was about to lose Jack, too.

Maybe it was under the influence of the alcohol or maybe she just remembered it all by herself. She wasn't drunk enough to make stupid mistakes, she was drunk just enough to think clearly. Just enough to find that particular clarity in things and she remembered a conversation she'd once had with her mother.

 _"You'd be an amazing mother one day, Alice," Katherine Stevens said during one of their movie nights. Her sister was usually there, too, but this time she couldn't make it. "When it comes to Annie... you know how she is," Alice's mother continued, "she's an amazing person, but she's all about fun. You, on the other hand, I see you with a husband. I see you in a solid relationship. I see you being the best mother you could be, even better than me," that last one came out as an obvious joke._

 _"Oh, someone's cocky," Alice teased and they both laughed._

 _"Well, I'm doing the best I can," her mom added when they got serious again._

 _"I know and I love you for it," Alice assured her._

 _"I love you, too, baby. You just keep on working hard. Remember that, all right? Keep on believing and keep on loving. Remember never to give up. Relationships, having a family, it's hard. I'm not going to lie to you. It's a lot of work. It's like having a job outside of your job, but I promise you, honey, it'll all be worth it in the end."_

Alice started crying all over again as her mother's words started coming back to her. She couldn't stand this anymore, this situation she was in. She'd tried. She'd tried so hard, but then she'd given up. Maybe Jack had given up first, but she had, too. She hadn't fought hard enough. And now he was gone. He was coming back to the island.

Suddenly, Alice gasped and sat up straight, placing a glass half full of wine on the table. She couldn't have kids. What did she have, really? What did she really have in this world? And if she truly had nothing left beside her broken relationship with Jack, maybe she _should_ risk it all. Maybe she should come back just to be with him. And if they died, at least then they could die together. Maybe the island would make him feel better. Maybe he'd remember how they'd first fallen in love. Maybe he'd want to work on their relationship. Maybe she should risk it all for love. She should come back just to be with him. Then she remembered something else, Jack's words: _If we're not going to live together, we're gonna die alone._

The decision had been made. She would still make her mother proud. She was going back to the island. She was risking everything. _For love_.

* * *

A few cups of strong coffee later, Alice sobered up enough to think clearly. She didn't change her mind, though. She was really coming back. She recognized the feeling inside of her now. All she'd felt since she'd left the island, it wasn't that she only missed her friends, it was guilt. She was pretty sure that Jack felt it, too. Maybe he even chose to come back because he was tired of feeling guilty all the time. That she actually could understand. Then she thought of all the people who might be going back with Jack and she wondered about Kate. In the end, she decided to call her.

"Alice," Kate answered fast, but she seemed in a hurry somehow. "I was just about to call you!" she said.

"Why? Did something happen?" Alice automatically asked.

"I..." Kate started and stopped. "I don't really know how to say this..."

"You're going back to the island," Alice realized right then and there.

"Yeah... How did you know? Wait, Jack already talked to you, didn't he?"

"It wasn't pleasant," Alice admitted. "He basically said goodbye."

"I'm so sorry, Alice, because that's exactly what I wanted to say."

"How are you going to get back?" Alice just asked.

"There's a woman, Faraday's mother, she knows which plane to take to land back on the island," Kate informed. "Alice, I'm really sorry I need to say goodbye over the phone and I'm sorry that I don't have the time to explain it better to you, but..."

"Which plane?" Alice just asked, interrupting again and for a moment, there was silence and then Kate gave her the needed information.

* * *

Even if love was gone, Alice thought while boarding the plane, she still had a debt to pay. Jack had once saved her life and she owed him. It was time for her to return the favor. She knew enough by now and she'd done so much growing up as not to have illusions that once you found the love of your life, everything would go just smoothly. In never happened in real life. There were moments. Moments of happiness and that was just about it. There was more misery, doubt and being lost than actually knowing one's place and being happy in love. Sometimes there was even more death than life surrounding you.

She boarded the plane in the last minute. Jack and everyone else beside Kate – whom Alice had sworn to secrecy – had no idea she was coming. She'd been so close to not coming, though.

At the airport they told her that all the tickets had been sold out and then she bumped into Hurley. Hurley who'd actually bought all the free seats because he didn't want to risk anyone else's life in case the plane would crash again. Good, old Hugo. He always had such a good heart, Alice thought. He gave her a ticket without asking her any questions and she appreciated that he respected her right to choose. Besides, Jack's was on the plane, so where else she was supposed to be if not by his side?

As she made the first step into the plane, she felt scared out of her mind. Deep down inside she didn't want to go back, but she wouldn't really be living without Jack even if she was safe. When love was about being safe anyway? She wondered. The only way for her was to go with him.

She spotted him sitting in the back and looking through the window. She ignored Sayid's surprised look and then Sun's and finally, she reached her husband as he raised his head to see who was towering over him and then opened his mouth in surprise.

She was actually pleasantly surprised as well since he shaved and resembled his old self and not the shaky, drunk version she had burnt into her mind. What more, he wore a suit. She could also smell his usual cologne - the one she loved so much.

She didn't speak at first. She just took the free seat right next to him.

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, shock slowly wearing off.

"I'm here because I love you, Jack," she simply said when looking him in the eye. She already risked everything, so she could as well go all the way and say it. "I'm just so much in love with you. I have been from the first moment we met and I am not giving up on us. I will never give up."

Once she said that, tears welled up in his eyes.

Could he really be that lucky? Could he really have it all? Jack thought in that moment. Could he come back to the island and get Alice back in the same time? Apparently, he could.

He was just about to say something, already opening his mouth when they heard the pilot through the speakers. It was Frank Lapidus.

Jack and Alice exchanged surprised looks. If they still weren't sure they were really going back, now there was no doubt. Alice felt surreal as though she was dreaming instead of being awake as never in her wildest dreams had she thought this would happen.

Jack left to talk to Frank. She watched them and saw the look on Lapidus's face when he slowly spotted everyone he knew.

"Oh, damn, we're not going to Guam, are we?" she could read from the movements of his lips.

"Excuse me, is Mr. Shephard sitting here?" a flight attendant interrupted Alice in that moment.

"Yes," Alice confirmed.

"This was found in his cargo. It's addressed to him." The woman handed Alice an envelope with Jack's name written on it.

"Thank you," Alice said as she took it and the flight attendant smiled to her before walking away.

She gave Jack the letter when he came back and quickly noticed that he paled.

"What is it?" she asked in curiosity.

"It's... It's John's suicide note," Jack explained. "I didn't want to open it so I left it with... with the body. Now I just think I have to read it. It seems to keep coming back to me as though Locke really wants me to read it." He played with the letter in his hands, still not ready to read what it said.

"Maybe we could read it together?" Alice suggested then, not sure whether it was a good idea and whether they were close enough now to share such secrets. They'd used to and it was just another painful memory. Still, she told herself they were on their best way to mend things.

Jack didn't answer her, instead he just ripped the envelope open and spread the thin sheet of paper, holding it up so that Alice could read it, too.

 _I wish you had believed me_ , was all the note said and Jack put it down immediately, rubbing his eyes.

Alice didn't know what to say, so she just reached out and took his hand. They were sitting like that for a long time until the plane suddenly hit turbulence. And it didn't get better, it only worsened.

Their hold only tightened and they looked one another in the eye. "I love you," Jack said and Alice stopped being afraid. She didn't care what would happen now. She didn't care if they crashed. All she cared about was having him there with her.

"I love you," she answered him and there was a flash of light and nothing after that.

* * *

When she finally came to, she had a terrible headache, making it nearly impossible for her to think. For now, she knew that she was lying down on something hard and uncomfortable and she started panicking. Then she forced herself to take a few deep breaths and as the wet humid air made its way into her lungs, her head cleared enough for her to finally open her eyes.

 _Wet humid air_ , she immediately realized, splitting her eyes open and looking at what she saw above her. Trees. Green, enormous trees in the company of the characteristic air meant that they made it – they were back on the island.

"Jack," she whispered, reminding herself of the reason she decided to come back and she slowly sat up, looking around.

As it turned out, Jack was lying right next to her, but she didn't spot anyone else. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that they'd been sitting together, crossed her mind, but she refused to stop long enough to actually figure out how she and Jack found themselves in the middle of the jungle with no scratch on them and without a plane they'd previously been on.

"Jack!" she calling him, shaking him awake. When he finally opened his eyes, for a moment there he was just looking at her in disorientation. "Are you all right?! Jack!" she repeated, truly starting to panic.

"Yeah..." he finally spoke when putting his hand to his head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Where are we?"

"It looks like the island," she answered when getting up to her feet and looking around, trying to pinpoint the exact place they were in.

In that moment she was hit with a wave of nausea and pain in her middle, which caused her to actually bend in a half.

"What's wrong?!" Jack was immediately by her side, placing his hands on her shoulders, worried sick about her. "Honey, please, tell me what's wrong."

She didn't even notice that he called her honey, she just said, " _Something_ is wrong," and once she grabbed a hold on herself and tried to get used to her ability that clearly came back once she found herself back on the island, she took up running. Jack followed her, not having another choice.

He knew that his wife's ability came back once they stopped at the edge of a

waterfall and saw Hurley deep below, drowning. They simply looked at each other and just held hands. Next thing they did was to jump.

It actually felt good, Alice realized. It felt amazing as though nothing had happened to her and Jack to break them apart, as though they were a team again.

Once they were in the water and swam to the surface, Jack made his way to Hugo to help him out whereas Alice looked around and finally noticed Kate lying on a pile of rocks. She really hoped her friend was all right when she swam over.

"Kate?" she asked when turning her on her back. The woman didn't seem to have any injuries either and Alice's head was spinning from all the questions she had. How was there no plane? Had they fallen from the sky and landed here? But again, _how_?! They should've been dead. Yes, it was definitely easier to live in the normal world, Alice decided, at least there she didn't have to bother with such crazy questions.

Kate woke up, just as equally confused as all of them were and Jack managed to help Hurley to the shore. They started looking for the rest, but they couldn't locate Sayid or Sun.

"Maybe we should just go to our beach," Kate suggested and they were all about to listen to her when they stilled, hearing music and a car engine running. Soon enough, one of the Dharma cars stopped right in front of them and... the man who got out of it was Jin.

"Dude!" Hurley said. "Jin?"

The Korean was just as surprised as they all were. Or maybe they were more, judging by the Dharma suit he wore and the car he drove. And his perfect English, that was.

* * *

Jin quickly got them all into his car, making a call to someone called LaFleur on the way and refusing to answer any questions. He just told them they would find out about everything soon enough and then the only thing he asked about was his wife.

Once the car stopped and they all got out of it, kind of recognizing the area they were in but in the same time surprised by how different it seemed; another car drove by and... it was Sawyer who got out of it.

Alice was the first person who actually showed some enthusiasm and joy, but first she froze, not truly believing her own eyes that she finally saw him. Next, she simply called out his name and ran towards him and he caught her when laughing and spreading his arms to greet her. Alice hugged him tightly, making sure that he was really there alive and breathing.

"Hey, there, sweetheart," he whispered into her ear.

Once they let go of each other, she noticed the awkward tension between James and Kate. The brunette didn't really know how to act and somehow Alice could sense why. James seemed different somehow and he definitely didn't react the way they expected he would on seeing Kate.

Eventually, Hurley ran to him, calling him dude and hugging him and then Kate finally came around. Still, Alice frowned on seeing how weird James was with it all and how bizarre the brunette acted.

"So, what's with the Dharma suit, dude?" Hurley asked Sawyer when they were done with saying hi, Jack last in line.

"You didn't tell them?" James turned to Jin.

"No, I waited for you to do it."

James sighed and then he said, "So, we're in the Dharma Initiative," he informed.

"They came back to the island?" Jack asked in a surprise.

"No," James denied, " _we_ came back. It's 1977."

"Oh, what?" Hugo was the first one to react and the rest of them truly had nothing better to say.

"We've been working in Dharma for three years now," James followed.

"I got to run," Jin told him in that moment, clearly feeling very impatient.

"What? No! We need to figure out what we're gonna do with them, man!" Sawyer protested.

"If Sun's here, I need to get her! I'm going to Radzinsky! He'd know if a plane came down!" And just like that, Jin was gone, taking his car and leaving them all to fend for themselves.

"James, slow down..." Alice just said. "I don't understand. How can we just _travel in time_?"

"All I know, sweetheart, is that when you all got out and Ben moved the island, we started doin' just that. It stopped when Locke left. He must've done something that saved us and we got stuck here," James explained. "Where is he anyway?"

"Locke?" Jack made sure. "Sawyer... Locke is... Locke is dead."

James's expression faltered. "What the hell happened?"

Only no one wanted to give him an answer as though they were all ashamed of what had really happened and how Locke must've taken his own life to convince them to go back.

"All right, we ain't got no time for this now," James decided. "Just sit here tight and I'll figure something out! I'll be right back! And don't call me Sawyer!" He turned around one last time. "Here everyone knows me by LaFleur!"

"Wait! Who's in Dharma beside you and Jin?" Kate called after him, but even though he stopped for moment, he decided not to answer for some reason.

"I'll be right back!" was all he said before leaving.

Even though Alice wasn't looking at him at the moment, she could feel how close she actually was to Jack. She could just feel him there, moving, his eyes set on her, but he didn't know what to do or say. Eventually, she chose to go over to Kate. She had some questions she needed the answers to and Jack wasn't exactly eager to ask them himself. And he should, Alice thought bitterly. He should because it concerned his nephew. She still couldn't understand why he hated kids so much. Maybe not hated, but he was somehow scared of them.

"Kate," Alice asked gently. "Kate, may I ask what happened? Why did you come back? Where's Aaron?"

Kate was sitting on a rock and looking into the distance, not seeing anything in particular. Alice could only imagine what was going on in her head. She was wondering what was wrong with James, too, if she were to be honest. Maybe asking Kate about something else than Sawyer was a good thing to do just because of that. She could still feel Jack's eyes on her, but she refused to look back at him. They'd had a moment back on the plane and once they'd woken up in the jungle, but

she knew it wasn't nearly enough to just forget everything that had happened between them. It was simply too much. She needed time to heal and he needed it, too. Maybe... hopefully, they could do it together on the island. She still loved Jack with all her heart and that would never change, but she couldn't just jump into his arms right away. Not after everything he did.

Instead, Alice squatted in front of Kate and looked up at her.

"Are you all right?" she asked, worried about her friend and the state she seemed to be in. Maybe it was shock. Maybe something else.

"I left him where he belonged," Kate finally spoke, clearly meaning Aaron. "With his

grandmother. And I came back here to get Claire. She should raise him, not me."

"Well, for what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. We just need to stick together and survive it this time, too," Alice assured Kate and then touched her hand briefly.

Kate just smiled sadly in response and finally, Alice located herself on the ground near her friend and they were sitting together in silence for quite some time until they heard the familiar sound of the Dharma car's engine and saw Sawyer – or maybe rather LaFleur – coming back.

"All right, there's a new sub coming soon, so we need to hurry. Juliet and I got your names on the list in the last moment," he informed when opening the door of the car for them all to hop in.

"Juliet?" Jack asked in surprise. "She's there, too?"

"Yeah, she is," James cut his answer short and they were ready to go.

Jack sat right next to Alice on the back seat as there wasn't much to choose from, Kate sitting on Alice's other side because naturally, Hurley needed to take the front seat.

James couldn't hide his curiosity and was peaking at both Alice and Jack in the front mirror, noticing the awkwardness and the never before seen distance between those two. He wondered what could've possibly caused this trouble in paradise and Alice finally caught his eyes in the mirror, noticing him staring.

Jack, on the other hand, was wondering what he should do. Should he take Alice's hand? Would she push him away? She was sitting so close to him he could actually feel the heat of her body and everything inside of him started to boil. He suddenly wished they'd already reached their destination because he wasn't sure how long he could stand being this close to her and not being able to touch her. He even started wondering whether he'd done the right thing. Wouldn't it just be easier to come back home to her? To be her husband? To simply be there for her when she needed

him the most? Well, apparently not, so he now deserved everything he was getting.

The car finally arrived at Dharma and Sawyer – LaFleur – quickly told them all where to go and how to act in order to be taken for the new recruits. There was one thing James hadn't foreseen, though – that Sayid would be caught as a hostile by one of the original Dharma members.


	32. Chapter 32 jack

The first day in the Dharma Initiative was quite overwhelming and surreal for Alice and she kept on waiting to wake up. Only it never happened. They really returned to the island in the most bizarre way possible while traveling through time. And they said that time travels were impossible. Alice decided that such a word really didn't exist in the island's vocabulary. Right now she just wanted to finally catch up with her friend. She'd had to pretend not to know him or anyone else the whole day and

it was harder than she thought. Now, once the night set in, she could finally go find him and ask all the questions she'd been dying to ask ever since she'd seen him coming to greet them.

She had trouble with finding the right house, but fortunately for her, the Dharma people weren't too suspicious and they quickly pointed her in the right direction. It was only when Juliet answered the door that she thought they deliberately misled her.

"Alice." Juliet sent her a warm smile once she saw her. "How are you?"

"Do you really want to know?" Alice joked. "Hi, Juliet," she then said and hugged the blonde. "I was actually looking for James."

"Well, you found him," Juliet said when opening the door wider so Alice could see Sawyer sitting on her couch and reading a book.

"Hi, there, sweetheart!" he welcomed her with a smile.

"I'll leave you two to talk," Juliet suggested. Still, before she disappeared, she asked Alice, "Would you like something to drink?"

"Thanks, I'm fine."

James patted the seat on the couch right next to him and she took it. Yet, before she managed to say anything, he asked, "What's with the ring on your finger?" when pointing her wedding band. "You and doc got hitched? And don't you look at me like this! I didn't notice! It was all Juliet during the recruitment."

Alice truly didn't know what to say. She probably should tell him everything, but she had no idea where to start. Here she was, finally talking to James after so many times of just wishing she could and she didn't know what to tell him.

"It's... complicated," she finally went with.

"Talk to me then," he encouraged.

"And what about you living with Juliet? What about Kate?"

"It's complicated," he repeated after her with a sigh and she could only smile.

"I guess we really should talk. I missed you, you know?"

James smiled in response and then he sighed heavily.

"Is Juliet mad at you?" Alice wanted to know, still trying to wrap her mind around them being together.

"She got pissed at me for Kate coming back. Then again, I didn't say anything to that, I didn't put her mind at ease, so I shouldn't really blame her," he sighed.

"Shouldn't we..." Alice hesitated before she finished, "go outside for this?"

"To risk somebody from Dharma overhearing our talk? No, definitely not," Sawyer told her. "Don't worry. Juliet ain't listening. She ain't like that."

"All right, then," Alice just said with a nod.

"The thing is that I don't really know what I want," he admitted when looking down at the floor and scratching his head. "Those three years... they were amazing. I didn't even remember what Kate looked like. I loved Juliet. I do love Juliet. It's just seeing her being back..." he stopped for a moment and shook his head. "It just reminded me of all that time... I don't know." He stuck his fingers into his hair again.

"Nice mess you've gotten yourself into," Alice summarized.

"Tell me about it!" Another sigh. "But how was I supposed to know she'd be back? I had Juliet. And I really fell for her," he confessed.

"It seems to be that you already know who you want," Alice dared say.

"Yeah, but she's got to believe it, too," James said in a depressed voice. "Why did you have to go back for us?" he then asked bitterly. "We were perfectly fine on our own and now... now this life we're having here... it's just all over."

Alice reached her hand to his and covered it, squeezing gently.

"It's ironic, isn't it?" she just asked sadly. "Once you came for me when I didn't need you saving me and now... the roles are reversed."

"Yeah, but you didn't come for me, did you?" James just asked.

Alice avoided his eyes when she shook her head and let him go.

"The truth is that at first I didn't want to come at all," she confessed when looking down at her own entwined hands on her lap. "Not even for you. It was all Jack... Once Locke died... Jack felt guilty for not listening to him, for not coming back for you right away."

"Locke did help us," Sawyer protested. "Whatever he did right after he left, it helped. We stopped moving through time."

"Yeah, but you got stuck in 1977," Alice pointed out and James actually laughed.

"Touché. But at least I'm happy here. Or I was. I made a good life for myself. I have a good woman. I've done some growing up to."

"I can see that. And I am very impressed," Alice said, when bumping his shoulder with hers.

"I just keep wondering why the hell the doc dragged you back here. Weren't you two together and happy?" James asked then.

"For a while. Yes," she confirmed. "Then he said he was ready to become a father and I found out that I couldn't have kids."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't just you adopt or something?"

"It wasn't that. Jack was never ready to be a father and he was ashamed to admit that, I guess. We started drifting apart and then... he was just gone."

"I ain't gonna believe that a child that wasn't even there came between you two."

"Maybe it wasn't all there was. Maybe he felt guilty for leaving his sister behind," Alice said. "I don't know. I didn't ask."

"First of all, you were afraid to ask," James corrected, "and second of all, what sister?"

"Claire," Alice explained. "Her mother came to LA to Jack's father's funeral and she told him. Christian Shephard had an affair and a daughter in Australia."

"I'll be damned!" Sawyer cursed. "Seriously? You aren't pulling my leg or something?"

"Nope, all truth," Alice assured him. "Maybe we'll find her. Right now, Aaron's with his grandmother."

"I hate to tell you this, sweetheart, but I haven't seen Claire since that night she walked out on us and left the baby behind."

"Yeah... I never said it'd be easy," Alice said in a resigned voice.

"So you came back because Jack came back?" James made sure.

"I couldn't lose him. I think..." she hesitated for a moment. "I think I haven't fought for him hard enough. I think I've given up too soon."

"All right, if you came all this way just for Jack, then what the hell are you doing here talking to me instead of mending things with him?" Sawyer asked the perfect question.

"Well... I guess I'm procrastinating," Alice confessed, playing nervously with her fingers, "while catching up with an old friend."

"Oh, no!" James said playfully. "You're not gonna get to use me as an excuse! Get your butt over to Jack's house and work those things out! The day ended anyway and you don't have anywhere to be. We're all stuck in Dharma for now. Go! Go get him and your happy ending, sweetheart!"

Alice laughed at that and eventually she did heave herself up from Sawyer's couch. He was right, after all. And it struck her right then and there.

"You know what? You really have grown up." She smiled at him. "And surprisingly, you're right."

"Now you've just insulted me!" he pretended to be offended.

"Well, I'm going to work through things with Jack and you figure out how to lay Kate off easily."

"Will try," James grumbled. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"And James?" Alice turned in the door.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad that you're ok."

He just smiled to her in response.

* * *

Alice truly didn't remember the last time her heart was hammering so widely in her chest. It didn't even happen while she picked up all different signals of danger from all around her. Well, love did that to a person, she figured. Only love and fear could stir someone so much. She really, really wanted to get Jack back, but she didn't think it'd be that easy. They couldn't just say they were sorry and jump right into what they'd had, could they? It was too complicated.

Still, she could at least made that first step.

She knocked at the door of his house all nervous and almost immediately, he opened. When their eyes met, Jack's pupils dilated as he was so surprised to see her there. He'd been thinking about her all day and how he should act around her and there she was, reaching out to him. Unless she was there for something else, he started worrying.

"Hi," she said, feeling stupid that she didn't start with something else.

"Hi," he answered, still stunned and speechless.

"May I... come in?" she finally asked.

He didn't say anything, he just stepped aside to let her in and the door closed behind him.

Once she found herself with him alone in a confined space, she didn't even care about how ridiculous he looked in that Dharma suit. She just wanted him again. She really wanted to touch him, to kiss him. She just wanted to find herself back in his arms and forget about all their problems and the outside world.

"Jack," she finally said his name, thinking of the right thing to approach this conversation, "I don't know what comes next. I don't know how we'll ever get out of this situation, how we'll even come back home. But maybe it doesn't matter," she suddenly added, nearly drunk with his presence and closeness. He was her husband, after all. She still wore the wedding ring and when she looked at his hand, she saw that he had his, too. They should work this out. They should be together. They should apologize and forgive and just be. They still loved each other as they both confessed back on the plane and that was the one reason to why they should work on things. "Maybe all that matters is that we find a way back to each other," she continued. "So, I will stop thinking, Jack and I will forgive you," she found herself saying and it felt strangely liberating. "I miss you."

"I... I miss you, too. So much," he finally said in a hoarse voice, his eyes glassy. Then he made a step towards her and only inches were separating them. It felt electric, it felt torturous. She just wanted to reach out and touch him.

"Tonight I'm taking a leap of faith," she told him when looking him deeply in the eye. "Screw tomorrow. Just... don't let me down again. I won't survive it."

"I won't, I promise," he said and then her hands were on his face and he was moving closer and soon her arms went further and around his neck and their lips touched and they were struck with the desire they felt. The chemistry between them was so strong it burnt since they hadn't been together for so long. They didn't talk anymore. They just felt as their lips were moving against each other, as their tongues touched and the kiss deepened.

Jack led her to the bedroom and there the clothes came off and they fell into his bed, kissing and not noticing anything beside each other. Alice wanted to get drunk on him. She missed his touch, his lips, his body, his heat so much that she couldn't get enough now. They were both beyond stopping and soon enough, he slid inside her smoothly, filling her in so fully that she gasped. She hadn't had him for way too long. She adjusted quickly and still wanted more and more of him. She never wanted to let him go, she just held on to him. There was everything in it: angst, longing, intensity, desperation and most importantly – love that never faded.

* * *

"I need to know why, Jack," Alice finally said when they were lying spent in bed. He was holding her in his arms and they just enjoyed being close to each other.

"Why what?" he asked when looking at her.

"Why you left," she simply said. "It couldn't just be the baby thing. I thought you knew that I never cared about having it as much as I cared about you. I would be perfectly fine with just us together. I never said I absolutely had to have a child. It was something that I wanted, yes, but could live without. What I really needed all that time was just you." There, she said it. She also felt his body tensing, but he stayed quiet as though he didn't know what to say or where to even start.

"We weren't communicating enough," she continued when moving away and shifting onto her back. "Ever since that day I told you... we walked like on eggshells around each other and that broke us, am I right?

"It wasn't only that," finally, he said something and she listened in anticipation, her heart beating too fast. "It wasn't about a kid, at least not only that," he confessed when putting his hands to his face and rubbing it. "I was a mess, Alice," he continued when shifting to a side and looking at her.

She turned and looked at him, too. "The guilt of leaving them all behind, of never being able to help them because I was the one who lied first... who convinced everyone else... it was slowly eating me up from the inside. I didn't want to burden you with it. I just wanted you to be happy. You've been through so much already."

"But that's what marriage is all about!" she said, raising her voice. Then she realized she was getting all worked up again and closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry... I just... You thought you were protecting me, but in fact you just hurt me more, Jack. You pushed me away. I'd much rather you told me the truth and we'd get through this together. I could have helped you."

"Yeah, but how?" he asked. "I needed to come back here. That was the only way to make it right. And I never wanted to ask you to do that."

"Well, you didn't have to," she said bitterly. "In the end, I did it anyway because I couldn't lose you. And I don't want to lose you," she rephrased. "Can you honestly promise me that we'll get through this together and survive?"

He was already opening his mouth, but then gave up.

"Yeah, I know you can't guarantee that we'll be fine," she just said.

"Alice..."

"I need some air." She got up and started looking for her clothes.

"Alice," he repeated her name and jumped out of the bed as well, getting to her and putting his hands on her arms. "Please, just..."

"What, Jack?" she asked when looking him in the eye. Her own were full of tears. "We're back in this hellhole and it's even worse because we've actually traveled back through time. How can we ever be ok after this?!" she raised her voice again. Maybe it just now got to her. Maybe she just truly realized the magnitude of the situation. James, Juliet and the rest had been stuck here for _three years_. What made her and Jack and Hurley and Sayid and Kate so special that they could change things?

"I'll find a way. I promise you, I will," Jack said. "You know I will. I will do anything to keep you safe and to get us back to where we belong."

She was sobbing now, feeling so helpless. Because she didn't want to live in the 70s. She liked the modernity, the technology and the medicine of her own century. She liked her job and the place she lived in. She liked books and movies that hadn't even been made yet. She liked her clients. She liked to keep all the things she had after her parents and sister. Now it was all gone and all she had left was Jack and James. And she wasn't even sure that she and Jack would be ok.

Jack didn't know what to do or say. Eventually, he just put his arms around her, pressing his body into hers, no barriers between them. Somehow it felt even more vulnerable to Alice since it wasn't foreplay, but it was helping. No matter how broken this naked man who was hugging her, was; he was hers. He always had been. And that was enough for now.

* * *

The next day passed by so fast that Alice's head was spinning. She was working in the cafeteria, bringing meals to people and then washing the dishes with Hugo whose main job was actually to cook. The day was busy as there was plenty of hungry mouth to feed. She didn't even have time to think. Actually, she was in a strange stupor. She'd been ever since she woke up, spooned by Jack. She'd just picked up her stuff and come back to her house where she took a shower, put on some fresh clothes and got to work almost being late. Then the clock just kept on spinning. And it spun and spun. Until everything stopped when Sayid escaped and Jin found little Benjamin Linus shot and left for death in the woods.

It didn't take much to put two and two together. Ben was seen on the camera footage visiting Sayid whom he thought to be a hostile, which was just another word for the other. Sayid clearly thought he could convince Ben to set him free and then shoot him with cold blood. Whatever he was thinking, it didn't work. Ben was still alive and Juliet with Sawyer were planning on keeping him that way. Alice could understand that Linus was responsible for some of their misery, but in her mind nothing justified shooting kids. _Nothing_. What happened only proved to her that she was right never to trust Sayid. Who in their right mind would trust an ex Iraqi torturer anyway?

Barely did they start working, they found themselves under house arrest since LaFleur didn't want them to speak to anyone and make the situation worse.

"How can someone just shoot a kid?" Alice finally spoke out loud, breaking the heavy silence. She looked at Jack, but neither did he look back nor did he answer her.

"I know he's supposed to grow up and become a tyrant, but... he's just a kid now. It seems so... cruel."

Kate was just about to say something when the front door opened, showing James.

"Doc, I need you," he turned to Jack.

"What? Why?" Jack asked.

"Ben needs surgery."

"No," Jack simply said and all the pairs of eyes in the room focused on him.

"What do you mean no?" James asked, just as surprised as both Alice and Kate seemed to be.

"Jack, if you don't go with me, that boy's going to die!"

"Then he dies."

It was just one short sentence, but it froze Alice to the bones and proved to her once again that this,wasn't the same Jack she'd fallen in love with. The man he used to be, disappeared somehow, replaced by someone coldhearted and different.

"What happened, happened, right?" he then asked with a shrug and left the room.

"You can't be serious!" Alice found herself screaming and followed him to the kitchen before she managed to think about all the times she'd done that already and with no results.

"Alice..." he just said her name, his voice trailing off like he didn't know what else to add. In fact, he spoke to her as to a petulant child and she would have none of it!

"No, Jack! This isn't right!"

"Thirty years from now you're going to ask me to save Benjamin Linus and I will do it because there will be no other choice," he told her.

"Jack..."

"I don't blame you," he interrupted her again. "I just think that maybe the island wants to fix things by itself. So I won't move a finger to help him."

"So you're saying you shouldn't have done it then, too?" she asked in a bitter, full of resentment voice. She really wished she could understand him, but she couldn't. What made Jack so different from Sayid at the moment?

"Where did it leave us, Alice?" he asked. "Look at us now."

She could cry over her broken for about the thousandth time heart, but instead she chose anger, sick of suffering.

"Screw that!" she yelled. She knew that everyone in the other room could probably hear her, but she didn't give a damn. Not anymore. "Screw you, Jack! You swore! When you became a doctor, you _swore_ to protect and to help!"

"Well, that didn't involve me getting thrown back in time, did it?"

"Who _are you_ right now?!" She truly couldn't believe her own eyes and ears. What had happened to him? When had it happened? Was it partially her fault because she hadn't been there? But how could she if he was the one who pushed her away? "You know," she said in a quiet voice, shaking her head. "When I fell for you, I felt like I won the lottery because you were such a great guy, Jack. How stupid was I, hah? Since then... all you've been doing is keep breaking my heart." Damn it! She didn't want to cry and there it was again, those fucking tears! "I told you that all I needed was _you_. I told you I didn't need to have a child. What else do you want from me?! Why do you keep doing this?! You're just being cruel right now! Who in their right mind wouldn't help a child?!" After that, she turned around and walked away. Once she left the kitchen she heard something breaking. Jack must've thrown something at the wall.

* * *

In the end, Kate, Juliet and James helped Ben by taking him to the others. Still, in the same time both Juliet and Sawyer were risking their covers and their whole lives in the Dharma Initiative. Alice never felt more guilty than in that moment. Those two had been truly happy without her, Jack, Hurley and Sayid coming back. Everything seemed broken now. Everything seemed to be holding on thin threads.

Then Faraday came back from the land and immediately gathered them all in James's house once he heard about their arrival.

"We need to leave," LaFleur said and Alice could see that it wasn't easy for him. How could she blame him? He was finally happy here and she with the rest took it all away. He'd taken that from her once, too, she reminded herself again, not able to help but think what would've happened if he'd arrived a day later back then or not at all. She and Jack would have come back home earlier and found a way to send someone back to the island to rescue the rest. Maybe then Widmore's freighter would have never come? Or it would, still...

"We need to leave because we've been made," James continued. "I keep the guy in my closet and I don't know for how long I can do that until someone realizes he's missing."

"It's all right, James, I can help," Faraday offered. "We all need to leave this village anyway. We need to find the hostiles."

"Hostiles?" Jack asked. "Why?"

"Because they can help us."

"Won't they just shoot us first for violating the pact?" Juliet asked. "They barely left James and Kate alive after they took Ben to them."

"They won't hurt us because one of them is my mother," Faraday informed and there was stunned silence. "I know that she can get us back to where we belong."

"No, no one's going anywhere!" James suddenly protested as though he changed his mind. "We just can't risk it."

"We can't stay here either, James," Kate disagreed.

"The code to the fence is 4823," Juliet turned to Kate in that moment. "You know where the hostiles are. You can take Daniel there."

"Thank you."

"Juliet, what are you doing?" James just asked his girlfriend.

"I'm doing what's right."

Eventually, Jack and Kate volunteered to go with Faraday and then Alice made the decision to go with them as well. She didn't have anything better to do in Dharma. Besides, something in her guts told her to run till she still had the chance and that feeling never misled her. She knew she had to get the hell out of there. A life of bringing and washing dishes wasn't for her anyway. She just wasn't sure how she felt about Jack those days. She still kind of hated him for what he did to Ben, but there was a part of her that made her think that maybe he was supposed to say no. This way Ben had winded up in the others' camp and maybe that was exactly the thing that turned him into one of them.

"Kate, it's not a good idea," James actually tried to stop his ex girlfriend and Alice wished she could discretely let him know that _this_ wasn't a good idea. Juliet saw and heard it all and it didn't make her happy, poor girl.

"What? Are you going to tell me to stay behind, too?" Alice eventually asked him when she came over to say goodbye.

"Nah, I'll just tell you to be careful. I understand your need to go." He glanced at Jack who was just getting ready to leave. "Maybe you can still salvage your marriage," he said when he looked back at his friend.

"James..." Alice sighed. "I don't know. Right now... let's just say I don't really like Jack."

"You're not the only one." Sawyer murmured in agreement before he gave her a hug.

* * *

Outside they hoped to grab the much needed guns without being noticed, but they failed. Alice was the one to save their lives as she could actually sense what would happen and told them all to get down just in time. Then she took the wheel by shooting at the enemy herself, trying to be in synch with her ability. Accepting this gift instead of trying to repress it, actually made it more bearable and she didn't feel so sick anymore. She didn't have the time to think about it, though, because they

jumped into the car and drove the hell out of the village.

Once they found themselves in a safe distance, they decided to stop for some rest. They had to ditch the car when they entered the jungle anyway and Faraday used that moment to try to explain his plan.

"In about an hour, The Dharma people will drill into a massive pocket of magnetic energy," he informed. "There'll be an incident comparable to Chernobyl and they'll seal it by building a hatch over it and putting the button there. Then Desmond will come to the island and will be pushing that button for three years. One day he'll forget and your plane will crash here and because of that, I will come on the freighter."

"It's nothing we don't know already," Jack simply said whereas Alice just sat there quietly, already suspecting that she wouldn't like where this one was going.

"I studied relative physics at Oxford," Faraday continued, "and there's one absolute rule that you cannot change what already happened. That you cannot travel back in time. Then it hit me. I spent too much time looking at the constants that I missed the variables and you know what the variables are? It's _us_ , actually breaking the rules and traveling in time, making choices, living. This isn't the past anymore, it's our present and therefore, I think we can change something."

"What that could be?" Jack got interested and Alice felt sick. She truly felt like she was losing him more and more with every passing moment. Or maybe she already did.

"Years ago on this island I came across a hydrogen bomb. If I can get to it and destroy the pocket of magnetic energy, your plane will never crash. Flight 815 will land in Los Angeles just like it was supposed to."

"What?!" Both Alice and Kate asked at once, but beside them, there was no objections.

When Alice looked at Jack, she felt something breaking inside of her once and for all. She saw it clearly on his face. He was going to trust Faraday. He was going to do exactly what the physicist just said and therefore he was going to either kill them all or erase everything he and Alice had ever shared.


	33. Chapter 33 jack

_She wanted it all to just end. She didn't see the point in boarding the plane, in getting back. What she was getting back to, exactly? A few casual friends and a bookstore? She had no one and nothing else. No life. No close, real friends who would really care about her. She'd had Annie and that had been enough until... Alice shut her eyes and shook her head, trying to stop the tears, but they were still flowing down her cheeks. Eventually, she went to the airport bathroom and splashed some water on her face. Then she looked at herself in the mirror. She was looking at her face – Annie's face – and she couldn't believe she would never talk to her sister again. As morbid as it sounded, she could get over losing her parents. She would lose them eventually, after all since that was the natural order of things, but she'd never expected to lose Annie as well. It was just too much. It was the one straw that broke the camel's back and she didn't know how to deal with it, how to live anymore._

 _She actually contemplated breaking the mirror and slashing her wrists with the glass. Only in that moment the door burst open and there was a man with short blond hair standing in it._

 _"Oh, I'm so sorry. I could've sworn it was the men's bathroom," he apologized quickly. "Are you all right?" he then asked when taking a closer look at her._

 _"Yeah... Yes, I'm fine. Thank you," she said and he finally left._

 _She just shook her head, blew her nose into a paper towel and when she managed to calm herself down entirely, she finally left the bathroom._

 _By a weird coincidence, she bumped into the very same man when he was walking out of the men's room._

 _He smiled to her and put his hands on her shoulders when they were trying to go each their way._

 _"I'm so sorry. We really need to stop meeting like this."_

 _She actually found herself reciprocating that smile, feeling just a little bit better and seeing things in just a little bit brighter colors._

* * *

Right now Alice was going with Jack, Faraday and Kate to see the hostiles. She decided to leave what she had to say for later, hoping that Eloise, Faraday's mother, would be more reasonable and refuse to help with the bomb. Who on their right minds would help anyway? Alice wondered. This couldn't just end this way. It didn't matter what Daniel thought he figured out. To Alice they couldn't change anything. Ben getting shot and then being saved by the others and therefore becoming one of them was proof enough for her.

For now, Alice was doing just fine when ignoring both the men and just walking alongside Kate. She could sense that her friend felt and thought the same way and she was just waiting to see what happened next. Only what did happen was tragic.

Alice just sat on a rock, deciding to take a short break as Daniel walked down the slope and into the others' camp, demanding to see Eloise. Next, Alice jumped right to her feet when feeling the sudden fear and the familiar clenching in her stomach. She was ready to run after Faraday to get him back, to tell him not to go there, but Jack caught her, putting his arms around her from behind and preventing her from doing a anything.

She stilled, shocked on the sudden closeness, her heart beating faster. She loved that man too damned much, she decided and got angry. Only then she just forgot about it all when they heard a gunshot and they all stilled, looking down at what happened.

"Oh, my God," Alice whispered when Jack finally let her go and she was able to put her hands to her mouth.

Daniel had just been shot by his own mother.

"We're gotta get out of here!" Jack said and pulled Alice in the opposite to the camp direction, Kate following.

They didn't even manage to get far when a man on a horse cut them off and kicked Jack so hard in the face that he fell over.

"Stop!" both Alice and Kate seemed to scream at the same time, but once Kate stilled and raised her hands in surrender, Alice got to Jack who was now lying on the ground, dazed.

"Are you all right? Jack!" she asked, cupping his face.

* * *

Once Jack managed to get up, the stranger led them straight to his camp, pointing his gun at them at all times and making it impossible for them to try and escape.

"Richard! I got them all!" he called out proudly to the dark-haired and handsome man to whom Faraday himself had tried to talk earlier. "They broke the pact! We have the right to..."

"Widmore, stop for a moment," Richard just said when raising his hand.

Alice was actually in shock, taking a closer look at the man who apparently was the young Charles Widmore, the same man who in thirty years would send a freighter with Faraday and the rest to the island.

"Do you know the man I just shot?" the blond woman, Eloise, turned to them to ask.

"Yes," Jack answered her and she just nodded, then said, "I want them in my tent."

"Eloise..." Charles started protesting.

"I need to talk to them!" she cut him off abruptly and the three of them were taken into her tent just like she wanted. Alice looked at the dark-haired man, curious about who he really was. The current leader? Still, that position seemed to be taken by Faraday's mother. All she knew for now was that there was some kind of a mystical and old power coming from him. She suddenly remembered his name being once mentioned alongside Jacob's by no one else but John Locke.

"Alice," Jack turned to her when they were seated inside, having nothing to do but wait.

She was so angry at him that she barely held herself together. She could just explode any second now and in their position it wouldn't do them any good.

"Jack... just don't!" was all she managed to say through her clenched teeth, her voice still raised, though.

He wanted to say something else, she could see him already opening his mouth when she cut in, "You can't do this!"

"I agree," Kate spoke to their surprise. It was like they didn't even realize she was there with them until now. "Jack, do you know what you sound like?" she leaned closer to him. "He was crazy, too and you said so yourself!" Clearly, she meant Locke.

"Well, I was wrong," Jack answered her. "If we do what Faraday says, our plane never crashes. All the people that died, will still be alive."

"And what about us?!" Alice screamed at him again. "We'll just go on living our lives like we never met?!"

He didn't have anything to say to that, so she just went on, "Jack, you can't change the past. You just can't! Don't you dare erasing everything! Don't you dare messing with our lives like that! Even if you try... it won't work." She shook her head. "You'll only kill us all by detonating that bomb."

"You don't know that," he just said in a calm voice and Alice was ready to keep on yelling at him or maybe even slap him across the face, but in that moment Eloise went inside and she had to restrain herself.

"The man I shot," she started when turning to them, completely ignoring the fact that they were screaming at each other just seconds ago, "what did he need the bomb for?" she asked.

Jack was already opening his mouth, but then he gave up, not really knowing how to say it for her not to think he was crazy. What could he tell her so she would actually understand?

Eloise, clearing seeing his hesitation and understanding it perfectly, continued, "Years ago I met a man who told me we needed to bury the hydrogen bomb and then he disappeared right in front of my bloody eyes. Just now I shot that man and before he died he told me that he was my son. Explain and I will believe you. How is that my handwriting if I don't remember writing it?" She showed them Faraday's journal.

"Because you haven't written it yet," Jack told her. "You can still save him. We can change things exactly like Faraday said."

At that point, Alice just stood up and left the tent. Jack didn't seem to be the man she thought she knew. He'd gone crazy and made her feel so lost that she didn't even know for what or whom she was fighting anymore. She was actually surprised that Eloise didn't stop her, but once she found herself outside, she only saw Widmore pointing a gun at her. She raised her hands up, but wasn't scared at all. She didn't feel like he would hurt her. And she was right since she heard a voice coming from behind her, saying, "It's ok. Let her go."

Charles sighed heavily and walked away angrily when Alice turned around and saw Richard.

"You're all right?" he asked when looking at her with those warm brown eyes.

"Yeah, I'm just peachy," she answered sarcastically. "My world is falling apart around me and I'm just fine."

"It didn't sound very convincing," he said, smiling to her.

"Well, sure it didn't!" she raised her voice again. "And of course I am not all right! My husband is set on detonating a hydrogen bomb, so he can change our past, so we'll never meet and just start over. Only... for me there really isn't any starting over! If he succeeds, I'm dead. If he doesn't, I'm dead, too."

"I don't quite understand," the man admitted and Alice felt really silly in that moment.

"God! I'm so sorry!" she apologized to him when covering her mouth with her hand. "I shouldn't have said all those things. I don't even know you..." She thought for a moment and eventually she asked, "Who are you, exactly?" For now she hid the fact that she already had a pretty good idea. Still, it wasn't as though Locke had ever given her anything more beside short cryptic answers.

The stranger in front of her didn't manage to answer since Eloise just left her tent, followed by Jack and Kate. "Richard, I'm taking them to the bomb."

"Are you sure it's the right call?"

"I'm positive. It's something I have to do. We need to go right now."

"Have a safe trip and watch out for the baby," he told her and in that moment Alice and the rest understood that Eloise was already pregnant with Daniel.

"Alice, are you ready?" Kate asked since Jack preferred not to say anything, afraid he would cause another outburst. And they didn't have time for that.

"I'm not going," Alice said to her own surprise. "I'm staying here." As crazy as it sounded, right now she felt the safest in the others' camp. She couldn't come back to Dharma Initiative since they'd already been made and she wanted nothing to do with the bomb. As she thought of it, she truly had no place to go and she sadly started wondering whether coming back to the island was the right choice. "I'd like to stay if that's all right," she then remembered that she wasn't exactly a guest there and turned to Richard. It was really strange that she'd been abducted and brought there and now she felt the safest by this man's side.

"Alice," Jack finally spoke and she refused to look at him, afraid of what she would feel inside

once she did that.

"No, Jack," she just said, talking to the ground beneath her. "I will not be a part of this. I'm safe here. Dharma won't get to me and I don't want to be anywhere near the bomb."

"It's all right with me," Richard assured them. "She can stay and I will protect her, I promise. No harm will come to her in this village."

"Richard, just think about it for a moment," Widmore started again, but the man in question already made up his mind.

"You are not the leader here, Charles and she is harmless. Stay out of it. And you, Eloise, good luck."

Faraday's mother nodded and then left, taking two of her people with her and, of course, Jack and Kate. Deep down inside Alice really hoped this wasn't the last time she saw her husband. Her heart ached and she felt so lost. Maybe more than ever. Yes, she most definitely was tired of being heartbroken.

"Richard," she turned to the dark-haired man to take her mind off everything else. "I actually heard your name before. They said something about you always being here," she deliberately chose the word 'they' instead of 'him'.

"They would be correct," he confirmed once they were left alone.

"How is that even possible?" she wanted to know.

"Will you come on a walk with me?" he offered then.

She hesitated. It was one thing to talk to him here, among all those people and another for them to be alone. She wasn't sure she could trust him, but then again... all the people around them were the others who had always been trying to take or hurt her friends. And this guy had just promised Jack to keep her safe. There was also another thing that spoke for Richard as she didn't have any weird premonitions of danger coming.

"You are gifted by Jacob, aren't you?" Richard suddenly asked, which caused her mouth to open in surprise.

"H-how?" she finally asked. "How can you tell?"

"It's because I am gifted, too and I guess I could tell you a few things you really want to know. Don't worry, I will not hurt you. You can tell that as well, can't you?" he asked, just looking at her with those warm brown eyes.

"How come I feel like I already trust you if I don't really know you?" she asked him,

completely mesmerized by those eyes.

"Let's find out." He reached his hand to her in an encouraging gesture and eventually, she took it, letting him lead the way. Then she let go of him since it felt kind of weird to keep holding on to a man who technically was still a stranger, even though he didn't feel like one.

"I heard your name only one time," she admitted when they found themselves away from the crowd, "and I never really understood any of what I heard. Apparently, you were always here. How is that possible?"

He hesitated for a moment and then his eyes were set on hers again as though he was looking for something in there, some familiarity none of them could grasp.

"I guess you'd be gone tomorrow anyway," he just said.

"Sorry?" She frowned.

"If your friends are telling the truth," he explained, "you'd be gone anyway."

"They aren't telling the truth."

"You can't know that. Let's say they do. I've seen a lot since I got to this island and I can believe anything. Trust me, nothing will surprise me anymore."

"How old are you exactly?" she wanted to know, fascinated by this man.

"I stopped counting at some point, but I'm nearly a hundred fifty," he told her.

For a moment there, she was just speechless and then she finally said, "Wow, they really are right when they say you're always here since no one is old enough to tell any difference. How it happened, though? How did you manage to live this long without ageing?"

He hesitated for a moment again and then he just sat down on a trunk of a fallen tree.

"What the hell, right?" she heard him saying, "if you disappear soon, I can as well get it out of myself, can I? You see, I never told my story to anyone. I'm... kind of a messenger, a connection between Jacob and the rest of the people on this island. I talk to them in his name, relay the message. The less they know about me, the more power I have and it's not like I enjoy power... I just need to help them. I need to help them follow the right path, because Jacob... he doesn't want to engage."

"Why not?" Alice asked, interested. She sat near him and waited for the answer.

"He likes to believe in the best in people. Just before he gifted me, he said that the island is the cork that's holding the evil at bay and if it was to pop out, the evil would spread. He kept on bringing new people here and he watched them, hoping one of them would take his place, take over his job. Only everyone always ended up killing each other. That was until _you_ apparently came along and then actually managed to leave and come back again."

Alice listened carefully, a small wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows. She was intrigued, she could say that much. It turned out that there was some kind of a grand plan behind it all and it kind of overwhelmed her. Jacob – the guardian of the island, a person that could grant a special gift, a grand manipulator... she thought. Without his mysteries and presents, she'd be much happier, she decided.

"When did you come here?" she asked Richard.

"1867," she received in answer and gasped at that. "Before I came here, I had a wife and a clear vision of our future together. We were learning English, so we could go to the New World and start a family there. It seemed a much better option than staying in Spain. Only she got sick..." Richard stopped for a moment and Alice could tell that thinking about the past hurt him even after such a long time.

"It's ok. You don't have to..." she began to say as he shook his head and looked at her.

"I have to. You don't understand. I _have_ to tell you this, Alice. I've been holding it in for so long... I just need to finally let go. I was never able to with my people and when one of you came along... I was always needed, either to save John Locke's life or to deliver a message or direct you towards a certain goal. I am tired of this. I just need to finally say it. The first time I confessed to killing a man, a priest was listening to me and he told me he couldn't grant me absolution for my sins. What I did was an accident and I was going to be killed for it and he..." Richard closed his eyes and shook his head. "He just sold me out as a slave instead of granting me the one thing I wanted."

"I'm sorry," Alice said, shaken and she tentatively reached her hand to Richard's and touched it for a moment to give him some comfort. She was confused by his story, but was still listening on.

"I killed my wife's doctor," he finally admitted. "It took me half a day to get to the village and be able to see him and he said he wasn't going to travel in such an awful weather. He didn't want my wife's cross, the only valuable thing we had and I just lost it. I pushed him and he fell and hit his head and... and that was it." Instead of taking her hand away, Alice only squeezed Richard's. "And that's how I got to prison and then was sold as a slave. The ship, the Black Rock, ended up here."

"The Black Rock?" she asked. "The ship filled with dynamite?!"

"Yes."

"What about your wife?" she then asked. "Did she get better?"

"When I came back home, she was already dead," he confessed and Alice felt so bad for this poor man that she truly didn't know what to do or say. She felt like crying, but that would be

inappropriate since it might make him cry, too, she thought, trying to fight the sudden urge.

"Did Jacob save you?" she finally asked in a stifled voice.

"No. The Black Smoke did. Just another person... or thing," Richard thought for a moment, "that tried to use me. Jacob helped me. He granted my wish not to ever die. I was very... religious back there," he admitted. "I mean, I grew up in Spain in the nineteenth century, so naturally, I was a Christian. It was once I found myself here that I saw a different world. I saw the whole world changing, actually. But at the end of the day, I know it was a mistake. I was wrong. I should have never asked for immortality, but it lies in our very nature to wish for what is worst for us, doesn't it?"

"At least you asked for this. I never ask for my ability," Alice said. "I think Jacob's gifts are really cursed. Mine is killing me."

"No," Richard denied, "mine is a curse, not yours. Your ability helps you see more, Alice while I got mine because I wasn't brave enough to die, because I wasn't ready for what comes after death. I didn't want to be judged."

"You know that this priest of yours was probably a much worse man than you ever were?" Alice asked Richard. "He refuses to grant you absolution and then he accepts a payment and sells you off? Who does that? If you ask me, I never believed in confession in the presence of a priest. You want God to forgive you? Pray to _Him_. Talk to Him on your terms," she advised.

"It's too late. I'm already immortal," Richard just sighed. "And coming back to Jacob and his gifts... the best things in life come to you when you don't ask for them because you don't know what to ask for. If he gave you this ability, he did it for a reason. That much I'm sure of."

Alice actually snorted when she heard that. "You still follow him," she summarized. "I got what I got because I had the potential. I had a dead twin sister and an open connection."

"Doesn't mean it didn't happen for a reason."

No, she still couldn't admit him right. She just couldn't. For all she heard, Jacob was a

manipulator. Without him, they might've never come to this island. Then she realized that she started to think like Jack. No, she didn't regret her time spent on the island because it helped her heal after the loss of all her family, she reminded herself.

"Is Jacob also the one who heals people or decide if they're going to be healed?" she then asked Richard.

He seemed surprised by that question.

"My knowledge is limited, Alice. All I know is that Jacob is capable of giving people something when they have the potential, when he sees more in them. I... I was just convenient. He needed a servant, a mediator, so he granted me my wish. He didn't want to help me. It was from purely selfish reasons. All I know is that the island always has a reason. You just haven't found it yet."

"I'm grateful for all the information, I really am," Alice said after a moment of thinking. "But I'm still confused. I got some answers, but I have so many more questions now."

"Don't give up on him just yet," Richard then spoke and she looked at him in surprise, but he was already standing up. "You still have something worth fighting for. Don't forget that. He is still alive."

"You mean Jack?" she guessed. "Well, thank you, but... I think I've fought enough. I don't even have my dignity anymore. I've pleaded and fought too much, Richard." She also stood up and brushed her clothes from the dust.

"There usually is no such thing as dignity or pride in love," he just said and simply walked away.

* * *

Alice waited a moment before she, too, returned to Richard's camp. He gave her a lot to think about for sure, but he also confused her more. She was sure Jack was simply going to kill himself with the bomb and she felt strangely numb when she thought about it. Richard, on the other hand, told her to be a believer because it might actually work. She'd lose Jack either way, she decided, pushing all the thoughts about Jacob and the island out of her mind and just focusing on the one that was the most important - on her husband and her own happiness. What if she could talk to him? What if she could still change his mind? Would going to him again and trying to speak to his mind be worth it all? It always would, something told her, it would because it was Jack.

Yet, before she went to look for her husband, she decided to say goodbye to Richard. It was

weird, really as she'd barely met the guy and she felt like she'd always known him. She couldn't explain this and couldn't even think about it because once she did, her head just hurt. Because there was no way she could've met him before. No way she could've seen him in the jungle. She would've remembered. The other reason was that he knew the shortest way to the Swan station.

"You are my friend now any friend of mine is a friend of these people," Richard told her when pointing at the others. "Whenever you need help, I will always be here to give it to you."

"Thank you. Goodbye, Richard."

"Goodbye, Alice. I really hope you'll succeed."

* * *

She reached her people just in time to see that James and Juliet were already on Jack's side. Even Kate was. Alice was shocked, but maybe she shouldn't really be. Kate just wanted to do right by Claire, to give her another chance to stay with Aaron, to keep him in a real world and not to give birth to him on an island. Alice knew they were all wrong, that detonating that bomb would be a disaster, but she didn't have the time to convince them all, she just needed to talk to one person.

"Jack!" she caught him when he was putting a backpack with the bomb inside on his back.

"Alice!" his face truly lit up when he saw her and she wished she could see him like this all the time. Still, this wasn't just because she was there, this was because he thought she changed her mind. Which she didn't.

"Jack, please, just listen to me..." she started and she saw how quickly his face saddened.

"I can do this, Alice. I can give us another chance! I've never been so sure of anything in my life!" he told her and right away realized it was a mistake. "Wait... I didn't want this to come up this way..."

"But it did," she said bitterly, folding her arms on her chest. "Jack, I can't do this again. I can't land in LA and deal with everything again! I just can't!"

"I'll help you, I promise," he told her and she just frowned.

"Yeah? How?" she asked.

"Because I believe that if it's meant to be, it will happen. We'll find each other again. And this time I will do everything right. We'll have a clean slate, another chance."

"Jack, it doesn't work that way! Life just doesn't! You can't write yourself a better story!"

"What do you sense, Alice?" he suddenly asked, completely ignoring what she just said.

"What?"

"What do you sense? Is there any danger?"

She thought about it when reading into her body's signals and she discovered that she, indeed, didn't feel anything. Still, she couldn't tell him that. But she couldn't lie to him either.

"I will fix this," he promised her, so sure of himself that she was actually scared, but not the way he asked her. She didn't feel the panic and the nausea and she didn't understand why. She did have her common sense, though, didn't she? She would never condone detonating a bomb!

"Just think about all the people we lost, all the people who died in the crash. They'll be alive

again. They'll be given a second chance. I can help them all."

"Since when are you such a believer, Jack?" she just asked sarcastically. "You want to fix things again. When will you finally just let it go?! When will be the end? Where is the line? Or maybe you've crossed it already? You just _can't change the past_."

"No, I can. Even Faraday said so, Alice," Jack disagreed again and she saw a glimpse of his face in pain as she turned around to simply walk away. She didn't know if she was doing the right thing. She never knew with him those times, but she was done asking and pleading. She was simply done. He could fight for them for a change. The worst part was that he thought he already was. She felt her eyes stinging and let the tears in. Then she stopped for a moment and looked back, but he was already gone. He must've taken the bomb and just left.

"Alice," she heard James's voice, but she pushed him away as he approached her.

"James, don't!" she screamed and ran through the jungle towards something she didn't even know. Then she realized where she was going, but she didn't stop. How many times Jack would break her heart? Maybe he'd already used up all his chances. This was just too much and for a moment she felt vindictive. After all, it was better than letting the pain in again. She thought that if he really succeeded, she would never bother to speak to him, she

would never let him approach her on the plane or at the airport after landing. He didn't deserve that! He didn't deserve her! Only if he did succeed, she would have no memory of it, so nothing really mattered. Maybe... just maybe if he wasn't right and if she were far enough, the blast from the bomb wouldn't reach her, maybe she still had a chance at living.

Then she came to a stop because there was really no version of her life that didn't have Jack in it.

In the end, she just closed her eyes, waiting.

Finally, there was a flash of blinding light and everything was just gone.


	34. Chapter 34 jack

When the light cleared, she was more confused than ever, wondering where she was. Most importantly, she didn't know why she was still herself. She ran a hand through her hair, looking for memories she shouldn't have. If she was alive, she should be on LA Lax right now, shouldn't she? And if she didn't, and if she wasn't dead... What if...? She started thinking hard on the issue. Jack was right, the fact that she hadn't felt any danger coming once he'd set off to detonate the bomb had to mean something. Maybe they were, indeed, meant to detonate it, but the outcome could be totally different. What if... they were simply back? Back to their timeline.

Jack. He was the only thing on her mind right now. She had to know that he was all right, that he was alive. How close was he to the blast? Could it hurt him? She couldn't...

Alice just turned around and ran to the Swan station. Ran as fast as she could, being nearly out of breath, but it didn't matter. She didn't stop running.

She came to an abrupt stop once she reached the station – or what was left from it – she realized as she saw the destroyed hatch. Miles must've been right, she decided when she recalled a conversation he'd had with Hugo that she overheard. They had really caused the famous incident. It helped them come back to their original timeline, but it was still their fault. Alice didn't even want to think about how many people had died that day. Good thing was that Chang had evacuated everyone he could.

 _There_ , Alice stilled and everything just flew away from head as she saw Jack. He was lying in the grass and he wasn't moving. All her instincts screamed at her to just get to him despite everything. She needed to see that he was all right. She was simply in love with him and the heart wanted what it wanted.

"Jack!" she called his name and was squatting by his side immediately, gently putting her hands on him and turning him on his back. After a few terribly long and terrifying seconds, he finally opened his eyes, looking at her and then around dizzily.

"What happened?" he finally asked when placing his hand on his forehead and wincing. "Where are we?"

"By the hatch," she said and then he finally understood what he did.

In that moment, Alice heard Sawyer's angry voice, "You were wrong!" and before she managed to warn Jack about what she just felt inside her stomach, James kicked him in the head and sent him tumbling down the slope of the pit. "Juliet's dead because of you!"

"James!" Alice called his name, terrified of what he was going to do to Jack. Of what he already did. She tried to stop him by grabbing his arm, but he only yanked it away.

"Juliet's dead, you son of a bitch, because you were wrong!" he repeated, looking at Jack who was just getting shakily back to his feet.

"I'm sorry," he said all he could in that moment, his voice desperate, broken. His face was, too as Alice noticed, feeling her own heart reaching out to him. She wanted nothing more than to just take him into her arms and tell him that everything would be all right. She just wasn't sure he deserved it after everything he'd done to her. "I thought it would work. I really did," Jack added and then James started screaming at him all over again. It all made Alice feel sick to her stomach and this time it had nothing to do with her ability. Kate, who came over soon enough, yelled at them to just stop it. Alice thought the brunette must've noticed the state she was in, but then Kate surprised them all by saying, "I can hear something."

There was silence as they were listening to what they were supposed to hear and eventually, they did. It was a muffled voice, calling for help.

"Juliet!" James screamed and got down to the centre of the hatch himself. "Juliet! I'm coming! If she dies, I'll kill you," he then informed Jack before desperately trying to clear the rubbles, so he could squeeze through. Once everyone else got over their surprise, they started helping him.

In that moment, a Dharma car rode over and Jin stepped out of it, informing that Sayid was bleeding out and they needed Jack. Alice was kind of curious to why the car traveled through time with them, but she figured that it happened with objects they were currently using like clothes.

Jack didn't move, first making his priority to help Sawyer get to Juliet and then, once they actually used the car to haul off some particularly large piece of metal, James was able to get down there and Jack, completely ignoring everyone else, finally ran to take care of the Iraqi.

Alice felt as though she was transparent. She knew that Jack was the only doctor they had and he needed to think of the injured first, but it kind of hurt her that he didn't even look at her. Not since she'd stirred him awake. So she waited. She waited for James to come back with – hopefully – alive Juliet. She waited to see if Sayid would live.

After maybe ten minutes, James finally emerged back from the pit, holding a body in his arms. Jack chose that moment to get back and Alice could see it clearly on his face that he couldn't do anything to help Sayid. He couldn't save Juliet either and that caused Alice to actually come near him, ready to cover him with her own body if James tried something. He did promised to kill Jack if Juliet died, after all.

Both Alice and Kate watched Jack and Sawyer eying each other, one with a gaze full of hate and the other with a broken one; being the defeated and lost man yet once again. Alice

remembered when he told her how sure he was that it would work. Well, it did work, but not the way he expected it to.

"I can help!" they suddenly heard Hugo calling out to them and they all looked at him. "A guy

named Jacob told me how," he added.

"Jacob who?" Jack just asked, frowning, not having heard the name before.

"Jacob?" Alice, on the other hand, got interested, a recognition sounding in her voice.

"You know him?" Jack turned to her in surprise.

"He's the guardian of the island, kind of a leader of the leader. Apparently, he's the one who's given us all those special abilities," she relayed what she knew.

"Well, he's kind of... dead," Hurley said.

"So you can see him?" Alice's interest was piqued. Was this another gift Jacob had given?

"Yeah... I kind of... can talk to the dead, dude."

"Well, I still don't know what to think of Jacob. I just barely found out about him myself, but I

guess we have no choice here but to listen to him," Alice decided.

James ignored her completely, just walking right by her and away from the car with Juliet's body still in his arms. Then he put the body near the trees. "I ain't going anywhere," he informed. "I need to bury her."

"I'll stay and help," Kate offered, but he immediately said no, his voice gruff and hostile.

"It's ok." Alice went over to her and put her hand on Kate's arm. "I'll stay. It'll be easier for him to have a friend by his side rather than an ex."

Kate just nodded and jumped into the car after Jack. Only Miles and Alice stayed behind.

"Alice," Jack called her once Hurley was about to start the engine.

"I'm staying, Jack," she said. "He needs me."

Jack wanted to tell her that he needed her more, but he changed his mind and just closed the door.

Alice kind of guessed what he was trying to say, but ignored it. Jack came back to just being Jack. He jumped from one saving mode to another and right now he felt like he needed to fix Sayid. But what about _them_? Alice thought. What about their relationship? Would he ever try to fix that, too? Or was it simply too late?

When the car was gone, Alice went over to James and Miles who were already digging up a grave. She wanted to help, but they refused, so she just waited, watching James and feeling so sorry for him. She wanted to help him so badly and she didn't know how. It was truly killing her. She'd wanted to see him, to talk to him so much after she'd left the island on that helicopter; she'd wanted to know whether he was all right. Now she did know. And he wasn't all right because Jack had taken them all back and destroyed what Sawyer and Juliet had built in Dharma.

Once the last shovel of sand was thrown atop the fresh grave, James put the tool away and turned to Miles, "What was she trying to tell me?" he asked the man.

"What?" Miles seemed confused.

"Don't play dumb with me. You talk to dead people. Juliet was trying to tell me something before she..." his voice trailed off.

"Jim, it's not how this works," Miles started.

"Just tell me!" James grabbed his shirt and screamed right into the poor guy's face.

"So, that's why you wanted me to stay," Miles realized sadly and finally, he got down to the grave and listened.

It was quite fascinating for Alice to watch his focused face in that moment. Then she saw him wince slightly and move his head, clearly channeling something. It stopped as quickly as it started.

"So?" James demanded.

"It doesn't matter," Miles said when raising up from the ground. He quickly met with Sawyer's fist.

"James!" Alice yelled at him, scared of what he was capable of when grieving.

"Just tell me!" he demanded.

"It worked," Miles said.

"What worked?!"

By now, Alice had tears in her eyes, truly desperate to help and not knowing how to. She wanted to fix her friend, but couldn't. She wanted to fix everything. She should've stopped Jack from ever coming back to the island. She should've stopped all of them. But how was she supposed to know?! Maybe she finally understood how Jack felt sometimes.

"That's what she wanted to tell you. _It worked_ ," Miles rephrased.

"What worked?!" James repeated, but his friend only turned around and walked away, probably heading to the temple.

Alice was crying for real now. Sawyer walked in the opposite direction and she followed.

"I'm sorry about Juliet," she said because there was really nothing else to say and nothing to do but be by his side, be his support.

"It's not your fault she's dead," James said to her surprise, his voice coming back to normal. "It's mine." He suddenly came to a stop and then sat down on a fallen tree branch, hiding his face in his hands. "She wanted to leave and I convinced her to stay... you know, I was going to propose," he confessed after a moment.

Alice's heart lurched for him again. She sat by his side and put her arms around him as that was the only thing she could do for him. Eventually, he held on to her and started to sob.

Once he stopped and got back up, they didn't talk about it, they just walked together in silence. Alice wondered where she should go next. She didn't know where James was heading, but for now she stuck with him, not really wanting to go to the temple and deal with everything that might be waiting for her there. She remembered what Richard told her about Jacob, about him looking for a replacement. She didn't want to be one. She had better plans for her future. Only her plans were nothing if she didn't get Jack back.

She felt sick out of the sudden. It was a new day, a fresh morning, so she suspected she just hadn't eaten enough, but then she actually had to stop and support her hand against a tree. And then it came. She bent over and threw up, not understanding why. It was a good thing that there was a small stream nearby and a few mango trees. She needed to rinse her mouth and then eat something. Only if she felt sick because she didn't have anything in her stomach, then why she threw up in the first place? She was so lost in her thoughts and so focused on making herself feel better that she totally forgot about Sawyer. That was why she jumped when she heard him ask, "What, now you're pregnant?"

She stilled, thinking hard about what he implied, but she couldn't be. First of all, she couldn't have kids and even if that wasn't a problem on the island – which hadn't healed her the first time around, by the way – it was way too soon after her night with Jack. She was no doctor, but she knew that a pregnancy would probably make itself know after few weeks, not barely few days.

"Does the doc know?" James asked again.

"I... I don't know..." Alice started in a quiet voice and then she finally looked at James. "Listen, I don't know what this is, so do me a favor and don't say anything to Jack, ok?"

"Hey!" James actually raised his hands in surrender. "Not my place, not my secret to tell! I just think if you're pregnant, he deserves to know, is all."

"Where are you going?" Alice asked, definitely changing the topic.

"Dharma," he answered, "but you ain't going with me. Sorry, sweetheart, but this is something I need to do on my own. You should come back to doc because if you're really pregnant, you should make it right. It's not like I can kill him now. I ain't taking a father from an unborn baby."

"Is that supposed to be funny, James?" Alice asked him sarcastically. "But it's all right. I understand. Just do me a favor and don't do anything stupid, all right?"

"Sure, sweetheart and seriously, go to the temple. No child wants to be raised without a father. Trust me, I know."

"Jesus, James! I can't be pregnant, ok?!" Alice got angry with him. What the hell gave him the idea, anyway?

"The way I see it, everything is possible on this damned island."

"Well, I don't think I can come back. I don't think I even want to. You saw him. He's jumped right into another project. Sayid needed saving and Jack went with that, leaving us for later."

"It's because he thinks he's already lost you. Don't give up on him just yet," James advised. "He may not last for long in this place... Oh, and you know what? He doesn't deserve someone as amazing as you and it's the truth."

"James..."

"I know, I know, you love the guy. It's just all I want for you right now is to be happy, Alice," his voice softened and he wiped the lonely tear that fell from her eye. "You deserve it more than any one of us."

She looked up at him with more tears coming and then she just hugged him.

"Be careful, James."

"Always am." After that, he was just gone.

Where should she go? She wondered, really not wanting to go to the temple and deal with all that Jacob's crap. Then she figured it out. She'd go see Richard. For him it must've been a very long time since he'd last seen her. Maybe it would be a nice surprise. She kind of wondered whether he still remembered her, but how could he not? After all, he'd told her more about himself than he did anyone else.

* * *

The problem was that she didn't know where Richard's camp actually was at the moment. She decided it would be safe if she just continued in the direction it had been before. The clearing was empty, but maybe they were somewhere close.

She came to a sudden stop when she heard someone grunting in pain. She tentatively walked towards the bushes and peaked through, opening her eyes widely as she actually saw the man in question and... _Locke_? No, that wasn't possible. Locke was dead. Still, she saw a man who looked exactly like him and he just hit Richard and it seemed like it wasn't the first time.

Alice couldn't stand this anymore. She couldn't stand the man suffer like this, so she ran out of the bushes and screamed, "Stop!"

Both Richard and Locke were surprised on seeing her suddenly appearing there, but the first

seemed to be more so. He was looking at her as though he couldn't believe she was there, his eyes opened widely. And she wished she could speak to him, but she didn't want to do it in front of the man in John Locke's body. She could sense that he wasn't who he seemed to be. She could also sense that she should stay away from him just the same.

"You're dead," she finally said because she didn't know what else she should tell him.

"It's not John Locke, Alice!" Richard informed her when slowly getting up from the ground. "Get away from here! Just run!"

"No," she denied, shaking her head. "I won't leave you here with him," she decided bravely and earned another surprised look from Locke.

"I wish you both changed your minds. When you're ready to join me, when you'll understand that this is the right choice, come and find me. I'll be waiting for you." After that, he disappeared in the jungle.

Alice didn't wait for long, she was immediately by Richard's side, her hands on his arms, "Are

you all right?" she asked. "Did he hurt you badly?"

He was still looking at her as though he'd just seen a ghost.

"Who was that?" she asked him, ignoring the look he was giving her. She just really needed to know.

"The black smoke. He's stuck like this now. He used Ben to kill Jacob," Richard informed.

"Yeah, I heard," she sighed.

"Wait..." He stopped her when she tried to take her hands away from him. "Are you... from the past? Or the future?" he asked with a frown.

"No." She shook her head. "This is my original timeline. Jack returned us to it by detonating the bomb. I just... I just talked to you," she explained.

"That was thirty years ago," Richard pointed out.

"Yeah, I know. It's crazy!"

"I thought you were dead," he then confessed.

"You did?"

"Well, you all disappeared, so it was either that or Jack was right and I was never going to see you again. Only then your plane crashed and that surprised me."

"You saw that?" she asked, overwhelmed by all this information. She needed to sit down, which she did immediately and he followed her.

"Yeah, I did. I stayed away when it happened because I knew you didn't know me yet and I didn't think I could change anything."

Alice was just looking into his eyes, trying to comprehend it all. It was truly crazy, but it happened. Then she noticed the cut over his eye. "Does it hurt?"

"I'll live."

"You bruise easily like for a guy who can't die," she noticed.

"I can't die, but I can get hurt."

"Oh, ok, then."

"It's… it's really nice to see you," he suddenly confessed and she just had to look at him again. "I was watching you sometimes, you know. After you crashed on this island. But I never came close enough."

She stilled, feeling like all the pieces of the puzzle were finally falling back together and she gasped when she realized something. "I did feel like I was being watched sometimes! That was actually _you_?!" She nearly couldn't believe it. Yet, it was so obvious now. That was why she felt like they'd already known each other when she met him. It was because he was always there, watching over her, maybe even keeping her safe when she didn't realize it. That was why she subconsciously trusted him right away when she saw him for the first time.

"I kept you safe, too," he told her what she seemed to know already.

"It was a close call with that cave-in," he then said, ''but I made sure your blonde friend heard rustling in the trees and came near enough to heard you and Jack calling for help," he explained and Alice's head already felt like it would burst any moment. It was truly too much.

"So, I do not only owe you my life, but Jack's, too," Alice realized and then she thought about it some more. "Maybe you should have come to me," she told him bitterly. "Maybe you would have saved me a lot of misery but warning me about my future."

"It doesn't work that way," Richard just said sadly.

"How do can you know that?!" she raised her voice slightly. "You should've come and taken me with you!"

He just sighed and looked down at the grass. "How did you get yourself so lost, Alice?" he then asked. "You were not supposed to come look for me."

"Again, how can you know that?" she repeated. "You might have known more about the past than I did once the plane crashed, but right now we both have no way of knowing the future."

"Well, all I know right now is that we need to go to the temple."

"Why? Because Jack went here?" Alice snorted, not liking the idea at all. For once she didn't want to chase after him.

"No, because it's the safest place on this island right now," Richard informed. "The man in John Locke's body wants us all dead. Come," He stood up and reached his hand to her. She looked at it and then looked at him and she just said stubbornly, "I am not going to the temple."

"You're avoiding him, Alice," he noticed when she raised from the ground all by herself and brushed her clothes off.

"Nope. I just want _him_ to fight for _me_ for a change. When will he do just that, Richard? Why is there always something more important than me? I'm his wife. I'm supposed to be the love of his life, God, damn it!" She actually started crying again and she hated herself for it.

"You are," Richard assured her.

"Yeah, on paper. Apparently, there's always something more important than me and there will always be."

She was so angry at Jack at the moment that she just wanted to hurt him like he'd already hurt her. She wanted him to feel the pain of having her heart broken over and over again and then she did something foolish. Something out of pure desperation and something that wasn't like her at all. She cupped Richard's face and kissed him, already feeling guilty about it.

He actually kissed her back there for a moment, but then he pulled away abruptly. Maybe it was a good thing, Alice decided when closing her eyes and placing her hand on her mouth, regretting what she'd done and feeling awful about it.

"Alice..." Richard started and didn't know what to say next.

"You just seem like the perfect man, Richard," she said, but she wasn't able to look at him just yet. He really seemed to be perfect, but the problem was that she didn't want perfect and this kiss just proved it to her. All she wanted was Jack. Even as broken as he was now.

"I'm far from perfect," Richard assured her. "We all have our demons and you made your choice and a promise to help Jack with his. You need to honor that, Alice. You need to because he is the one you really love."

"Yeah," she admitted quietly. "I know. But it's just so hard right now."

"No one said it would be easy."

"I'm sorry for kissing you," she finally apologized and gathered up the courage to look at him.

"It's all right." He smiled to her a little.

If this kiss told her something, it told her that she was still in love with her husband, no matter how much she hated him at the moment. She missed Jack's lips and the tingling in her bones and in her stomach and the sparks when she was with him. Why couldn't he just fight for her? She wondered.

"If you don't want to go to the temple, where do you want to go?" Richard asked.

"I just want to stay here for a while. Is that all right? I need... time."

* * *

The next morning she threw up again, realizing the sickness was hitting her like clockwork. Still, it didn't make any sense! How could she be pregnant if she'd slept with Jack barely a week ago?! And even if she was, she wasn't sure how she felt about it. She'd used to want to have a child with him so badly, but now... Now she just didn't know anymore. She wanted to go talk to him and tell him everything, but somehow even though she loved him, they'd grown so much apart that sometimes she felt like she was talking to a stranger and not to her husband. He'd hurt her too much and she just wanted him to say that he was sorry. She wanted him to come find her and not the other way around. And now she was supposed to add a baby to that equation?! It was too much!

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" she heard Richard's voice and nearly jumped. He surprised her just like Sawyer the day before.

"How can I be?" she just asked, not turning around to face him just yet. "I can't possibly know this fast. My body hasn't had enough time to..."

"I think the island finally granted you your wish and healed you," Richard said when coming closer and squatting by her side.

"Maybe, but it's too soon to actually have morning sickness, isn't it?"

She saw at the corner of her eye that he shrugged. "You can sense things deeper than any one of us. That's probably why you already know."

She thought of the future and Jack and she felt so powerless that she said spitefully, "I could just stay here and have this baby and screw Jack."

"No, you can't," Richard told her calmly. "First of all, you will die if you give birth on this island and second of all, this baby has a father and he deserves to know, Alice. He deserves at least that much. Jack has to have a chance to raise it."

Alice finally looked at Richard, straight into his eyes and saw the wisdom he possessed from

living for so long. She hated that he was right.

"Deep down inside, you don't really want to push Jack away," he then spoke again, "you may

hate him right now and you may want to hurt him, but it's just another aspect of a strong love. If you stay, it won't be fair to the both of you."

She was silent, didn't know what to say to that, so she chose not to say anything. And then

Richard asked her, "Why are you even here, Alice? Why did you come back? It wasn't to find me. It was to get _him_ back. You came back for your husband."

"Maybe," she admitted, "but I thought he'd be different and now I'm just lost. I love and always will love Jack, but... this love hurts too much right now... God, I'm whining, aren't I?" she then realized, ashamed of herself. "You probably have more important things to do than playing the role of my therapist." She stood up.

"I don't mind if it helps you," he said. "Besides, what can I do now anyway? Jacob is gone. I'm still immortal. I think I can spare some time."

She actually laughed at that and he reciprocated, loving that the sad expression on her face was finally replaced by something else, even if briefly.

"I know what love can do. I know something about hurting and holding on, trust me."

She thought of the way he lost his wife and she felt sorry for him. She'd never met a sadder man than Richard and she wished she could help him somehow. Only some people couldn't be helped no matter how hard you tried.


	35. Chapter 35 jack

Even though deep down inside Alice knew Richard's words to be true, she wasn't in any hurry to find Jack. She truly considered letting go of her husband just so she could keep her sanity, so she could help herself. She'd used to believe that true love could conquer anything, but as she'd started growing up, she realized how wrong she was. There was actually so much more to it than she could ever imagine. Was she really that strong to keep on fighting? Could she do it? What if in the end she'd end up hurt even more? What if her unborn child would get hurt? Then again, she couldn't really raise it alone, could she? Could she really be such a bitch to keep her baby from its father? No, that was out of the question. She considered herself a good person, but recently her reckless behavior started reminding her of her sister, Annie. Kissing a man who wasn't her husband, considering leaving Jack behind. Such thoughts would have never crossed her mind before. She was actually scared that she'd changed so much. Only Jack had changed, too. She guessed it wouldn't be truly living if people didn't, but it also didn't change the fact that sometimes she just wanted to stop and go back. Apparently, everyone did at some point in their lives. Alice wasn't that lonely and scared girl she'd used to be anymore. Right now, despite everything that could go wrong in her life, she would never consider taking her own life. And she had in the past. So many times. She nearly laughed at the romantic person she'd been then when she remembered Jack kissing her for the first time and making her want to go on living. That was the turning point in her life and she suspected she was facing another right now.

She heard some rustling in the bushes behind her, so she quickly wiped the tears that already managed to flow down her cheeks. She was startled to see that the man who just emerged from the jungle wasn't Richard. She stood up and made a few steps backwards since she didn't know the newcomer, but she actually felt like she'd seen him somewhere before. He was blonde and older than she was. Also, there was something in his eyes that caused her to trust him immediately, that caused her to stay and not to run away. He made a similar impression on her that Richard had when she'd met him.

"Hello, Alice," the man said in a nice, melodious tone.

"Who are you?" she asked, not sure whether she should trust her guts and stay in order to talk to him. Then again, her sixth sense never let her down on this island.

"My name is Jacob," the man said and she actually opened her mouth in surprise. Once he

introduced himself, she finally remembered where she'd seen him.

"I know you," she said. "I met you on the airport. You... you saved my life."

"I'm glad I did," he confirmed with a nod.

"But... you're dead. How are you here right now?"

"I came here to apologize, Alice."

"Apologize for what?" This conversation was only getting crazier and crazier, Alice decided.

"You deserve to know the truth."

"The truth about what?" she prompted, really tired of asking all those questions. Couldn't he just tell her already?

"You deserve to know that it's because of me that you and Jack have problems. I always saw him as the best candidate to replace me, Alice. He has what it takes. Only you're pregnant now and this changes everything."

"Wait... were you...?" she stopped, thinking that it couldn't be the truth, but still... If Jacob was the one to gift people, why wouldn't he stop the island from giving something to her? From healing her? "It's because of you that the island didn't heal me the first time around, isn't it? You didn't want Jack to become a father. You didn't want him to have this responsibility because you wanted him to replace you?!" she raised her voice because it actually made too much sense. It had to be the truth. "And now that you're dead, I'm pregnant?!"

"You are pregnant because this baby was conceived in 1977 in the Dharma village," Jacob explained calmly. "And some things are beyond even my control. The island healed you there."

"You son of a bitch!"

"As I said, I am sorry, Alice. For my defense, I can only say that the safety of this island is the

most important. Even more important than your personal happiness."

"Yeah, because who's actually happy here, right?" Alice snorted. "People are healed, but

happiness... no, not so much. Women can't even give birth here without dying."

"That wasn't my fault," Jacob informed. "And as I said, some things are beyond even my control. Just like now The Man in Black is."

"So my unborn baby destroyed your plans?"

"Nothing is more important than family, you have to know that. I come to you now to tell you the truth so you could fight for yours. The reason Jack abandoned you is my own manipulation and nothing else. Deep in his heart, he still wants only you, you are on the first place and now it has to stay that way, but you have to understand that it's his choice. Just because I came to you with this, doesn't mean that he's automatically out of the woods. If he wants to take care of this place, I can't stop him. I just wanted to give you an even chance to win your family back."

"Well, don't you think it's a little too late fo..." Alice was stopped in the middle of her sentence and...

She woke up.

She was lying on a blanket Richard had given her earlier and as she sat up and looked around, she saw no one near her. There was no Jacob. Not even Richard.

She realized in that moment that she had her conversation with Jacob in a dream, but it didn't mean that it wasn't real. She was still shaken up by it. She understood that as she didn't have Hugo's ability to talk to dead people, Jacob could only come to her this way.

As much as she resented him for what he revealed to her, she was grateful for that talk, because she finally knew that Jack really hadn't been himself recently. He'd been influenced and manipulated by someone else. Was it enough for her to get him back, though? Wasn't it too late? Jack might be free from Jacob's influence, but his mind was already set on something. Or not, Alice thought, realizing that Jack might not even know that he was a candidate. Or he did already. Maybe she shouldn't have stayed away. The only thing she could do now was to go find him.

In that moment, Richard return with fresh fruit. "I brought breakfast," he said and smiled when he saw that she was awake. "Is everything all right?" She was still shaken and it didn't miss his attention.

"Jacob came to me in a dream," she just informed and all she received in return was an 'oh'. "I guess you're familiar with his tricks, then." she sighed.

"Of course I am. I've known him for one hundred and fifty years, give or take."

"I need to go to the temple," Alice decided, giving up eating.

"You can't go there."

"Why are you trying to stop me now when you were the one who wanted to go there in the first place?" she asked, taken aback.

"Because the temple isn't safe anymore. All the people there are dead," Richard informed and she felt dizzy. "I went there during the night to check. He got to them. The Man in Black got them all."

"What about Jack? And James and Kate?" Alice asked, feeling the panic raising inside of her.

"Relax. They're safe," Richard calmed her down. "I can take you to them. They're on the beach, but first you need to eat something. We don't have any meat, but you still need something in your stomach. You're..."

"Yeah, yeah, pregnant, I get that," she sighed when accepting a mango. "Thanks," she then added, feeling as though she was acting ungrateful.

Richard only smiled to her in response.

"So, what are you going to do once we're there?" she asked him.

"Honestly, Alice? I want to die."

"Wait, what?!" She was so surprised that she stopped eating.

"I want to. It's time. I want my immortality gone and maybe, just maybe with Jacob dead, it's possible."

"I hate to break it to you, but I still have my ability. I don't think his death changed anything."

"Well, we'll see. For starters, I need to get you back to your people. Ready?"

Alice really wished she could change Richard's mind and she hoped she would eventually. He deserved to be a mortal man again, but he didn't necessary have to die. Well, first things first.

* * *

Alice seemed to finally know what she wanted and she was eager to get it. She received the needed push from both Richard and Jacob. Yet, as she and her companion walked out of the jungle, she seemed to have lost that confidence. And when her eyes actually met Jack's, she simply didn't know what to do or say. She didn't know where to start working through their issues and whether she should tell him about the baby right away. She looked around and saw no Kate or James. They must've been somewhere else, she decided then, hoping they weren't with Locke. Sayid wasn't there either and she wasn't sure whether it was because he died or simply chose another way. She did see Sun, though, so walked over to her to give her a hug. Next in line was Hugo and finally, she tentatively approached Jack. She was about to say something when a woman she recognized from their Ajira flight, turned to Richard.

"He knows what we should do next. Jacob instructed him," she informed and there was silence. Alice actually suspected what that might be, but she listened nevertheless.

And then, to hers and the rest's astonishment, Richard laughed.

"You're waiting for me to tell you what to do? Seriously? I have no idea! Then, it doesn't really matter. Nothing you do will matter."

"And why is that?" Jack wanted to know.

"Because we're all dead," Richard answered. "And we're all in hell."

"Ok, this is just crazy..." Jack started, but Richard simply walked away.

"Richard!" Alice called out his name and then he finally stopped, but didn't turn around to look at her.

"I got you here safely. Just let me leave now," he asked her.

"No! You should stay!" She wasn't giving up that easily and she ran to him and stood face to face with him.

"Alice, I'm going and nothing you can say or do will change my mind," he told her, looking into her eyes sadly. "But you should stay. Your place is here. That's what you're supposed to do. Just stay." After that, he left for good and Alice watched as he was getting further and further away from her. Then she finally turned back to the group, but avoided looking at Jack. She could feel his eyes set on her the whole time as he was clearly watching her and Richard. She didn't know what to say to him. Not yet, at least. And maybe a little jealously would be good for him.

"Don't worry," she suddenly heard Hugo's voice right next to her and she turned to look at the big guy. "I have a message for Richard from his wife and I'm going to deliver it right now."

"You think it'll help?"

"It can't hurt." Hugo shrugged and followed Richard.

Alice bit on her lower lip, trying to decide what to do. She was there, on the beach, so she came back to Jack, she was sending him a signal that she was ready to talk or work through their issues and she did have something important to tell him, but on the other hand, Richard was her friend. She might've not spent enough time with him in order to call him that, but it didn't change the fact that she felt as though he was. She cared about him and right now he seemed to be at a really low point in his life, just like she'd once been. She just wanted to make sure he was ok. That was why she followed Hugo, doing everything in her power to be careful enough so he wouldn't see her. He didn't notice anything, so she breathed out with relief. Then again, she shouldn't be surprised. Hugo was easy to cheat and she knew she would never get far if she wanted to track Kate or Locke.

She saw from behind bushes as Hurley was talking to Richard and her heart went out to her newest friend when she saw the raw emotions playing all over his face. Whatever Hugo told him, however he made it possible for Richard to talk to his dead wife, it stirred the man deeply. And maybe, just maybe, Alice thought with hope, it healed a part of him. How long had he been waiting for such a chance anyway? Probably from the moment he'd found his wife dead.

Once it seemed like Hugo was done, Alice came out of her hiding spot and didn't say anything when Hurley referred to her as 'dude' and asked where she came from. Richard, on the other hand, wasn't surprised at all. Maybe he was even grateful for her presence. Maybe he actually needed her in that moment.

"I'm done," he said when she finally stood right in front of him. "I really want to be done. I want to be just... gone," he confessed with pain reflected on his face. "I have feelings for you, Alice," he then suddenly confessed and she opened her mouth in surprise, but didn't say anything. She truly didn't know the right words to say. This whole situation was beyond crazy. "But I know you belong with him," Richard continued, "with Jack. And I know that nothing will ever change that because you love each other too much. You know, I came back here, to this place," he pointed the tree they were standing next to, "to get my wife's cross. I buried it right there." He raised his hand with the necklace in it. "I'm finally ready to let go of her today and of all the pain and the guilt. I discovered that I can do that because _you_ made it possible, so I thank you for that. I know I can love again thanks to you, but right now I need to let it all go, including yourself."

"Richard, I..." she finally started, but she still didn't know what to say.

"Don't say anything. You don't have to. It's not your fault. I just... I guess I've watched over you for far too long and because of that, I grew to care about you, but I'm all right, really."

"Richard, I wish..." she then said again, but he interrupted her.

"Let's just go back to the beach."

"The beach?" she repeated after him in surprise. "About an hour ago you laughed straight into Ilana's face and then you said we were all dead. What changed your mind? Do you actually know what we should do now?"

"We are actually alive and yes, I do," he admitted with a nod. "Let's go."

She didn't ask him what that was and what changed his mind, she just walked back with him and soon enough, Hugo – who was apparently waiting in the safe distance to give them some privacy – joined them.

Once Richard strode back into the camp, he said to all the people there, "Pack up your bags.

We're leaving. We need to stop Locke from leaving the island by destroying the plane."

Before Alice managed to ask him why the hell they had to destroy the only means of transport that could actually get them off the island for good, Sun started screaming at Richard in Korean.

"Why isn't she speaking English?" Alice asked Jack, totally confused and then she realized what she just did. She spoke to him and she did it so casually as though they'd never argued. Well, maybe it was a good first step, after all.

"She hit her head and her ability to speak a foreign language is temporarily incapacitated," Jack explained mechanically, only as a doctor could.

"Oh," Alice uttered and watched Sun finishing her tirade and walking away with an actual huff. "I guess we have to convince her to go before we set off," Richard just murmured under his nose.

"So," Jack turned to Alice and she could tell he was a little nervous, "who is Richard to you, exactly?" he finally asked the nagging question.

"He's a friend," Alice answered according to the truth. She looked up into Jack's eyes and wanted to drown in them just like she'd done so many times before. She truly wanted to just tell him everything. She wanted to tell him that he was going to be a father, that she loved him and never stopped, that she wanted them to work it all out and just be together. Only she couldn't find the right words. Not yet. The timing just didn't seem to be right. She truly didn't know how to fight for their love anymore and he clearly didn't either, because soon after that, he just went over to Sun to try and convince her to go with them. Alice bit on her lip while watching him retreat and she at least comforted herself by the fact that she was ready to mend fences. They would get there eventually, she decided, with small steps, but they would.

* * *

The next day at dawn, they were all surprised as they noticed Ilana gone until actually seeing her coming out of the jungle. She reached them quickly and showed them what she had in her backpack – it was dynamite.

"I went to the Black Rock to get it. We need to go to the Hydra island and use it on the plane," she informed.

"It's not what Jacob wants!" they all heard Hugo protesting as he made his way to the woman.

"You don't know what Jacob wants! How can you?!" Ilana got angry with him. "The only thing that matters right now is stopping Locke from leaving. This way we'll be safe."

"We all heard how you're here to protect the so-called candidates, meaning _us_ ," Hurley wasn't giving up, "but I'm telling you, this is not the way!"

"Oh, no, we are going there! We are going to the Hydra island right now," Ilana was saying as she went further away to get the water bottles, "and we're going to blow up this damned plane, because we're supposed to do that!" she kept on yelling and then she put the backpack on the ground and... blew up.

They weren't standing close enough to her to get hurt, but they were close enough to be knocked down.

Alice barely recovered from the shock when supporting herself on her elbows when suddenly, there were two men getting to her from both different sides – Jack and Richard.

"Are you all right?" they both seemed to ask in the same time and then they looked at each other. Richard was abashed by his behavior and Jack was just plain hostile to him, Alice could tell.

"I'm sorry," Richard simply apologized and retreated. He still looked at Alice carefully though, making sure she wasn't hurt.

"I'm fine," she said and soon enough, Jack was gone as well.

"Great," Alice huffed under her breath. How was she supposed to reconcile with Jack if now all he saw was the rival that Richard truly was not.

"We need to go and get more dynamite!" she heard Richard saying immediately as she got to her feet.

She frowned, thinking something must've happened to her hearing because what he was implying was simply crazy.

"Richard, what are you saying?" she turned to him.

"We need to get more dynamite and blow up that plane, so Ilana didn't die in vain," he rephrased.

"Haven't it crossed your mind that her blowing up was a sign that we really shouldn't?" Jack simply asked and Alice was definitely with him on that.

"No, I'm right. You just have to trust me."

"All right," Hugo said to their surprise. "Let's do it."

"What?" Alice still argued. "What are you even talking about? Just a minute ago you were

saying..."

"Well, I changed my mind. Just trust me on this." He turned to her and she could've sworn that she saw him imperceptibly winking at her.

He must've really done it because Jack just took off right after Richard and Hurley, so she followed.

She then looked at her right where Jack was just walking by and it happened that he looked at her, too. She remembered the first time around they'd been dealing with dynamite. She remembered how Jack had gone to get it, leaving her in fear for his life. And then she remembered that it was also the first time he told her he loved her. He seemed to be thinking about the same thing as she saw him flinching a little as though in pain. Then he started looking forward again, just walking next to her in silence.

* * *

Once they actually reached the Black Rock and stopped for a minute so Richard could prepare a bag for the dynamite he was going to get, Alice was only more and more confused. If they got this far, what Hugo's plan really was?

She received her answer just a second later as they all heard him screaming, "Get back! Get back!" when he was running towards them from the ship.

They didn't know how he'd gotten there before them all, but then again, no one actually paid much attention to him as no one truly believed he could do anything heroic or be faster in rescuing someone. Right now that was his advantage, but in different circumstances it would be just sad.

Jack grabbed Alice's arm and yanked her backwards and she ran with him when they heard the ship blowing up. When they finally looked at it, it was a burning mess.

"Why did you do that?!" Richard got angry with Hurley.

"It's what Jacob wants," Hugo answered him bravely. "He also told me to go talk to Locke."

"No! I don't believe you!"

"Dude, he's standing right next to me right now!"

"Really? Then ask him what the island is," Richard demanded. "He told me once. I want to hear it coming from you right now."

"I don't have to prove anything to you, Richard. You can either come with me or blow things up. Your choice, dude," Hugo said as though the first part of this was really a message relayed from Jacob.

"Jacob isn't here," Richard said in confidence, "I'm sure of it. We need to protect this place. Alice," he suddenly turned to her, "I told you what the island is. You know how important it is to keep it safe."

Alice knew that. She knew the story about the cork and she'd seen enough so far to actually believe it. Although, she didn't believe that Jacob would condone blowing the plane up just to keep them all... On second thoughts, she did believe it. Jacob seemed like a good guy, but his interest laid only in protecting the place they were in right now. It didn't really extend to anything else or even to their lives. He didn't care if they had families outside the island or were married. Without a child on the way, they were all being pushed to take his place. Even with a child on the way, she then corrected herself again as just because she was pregnant didn't mean that Jack was automatically out of the woods.

"I'm sorry, Richard," Alice found herself saying, "but I'm with Hugo on this." She might've said Hurley's nickname, but she looked at Jack in that moment to let him know that she was with _him_. She always was and would be no matter what.

Richard just nodded and she could see the understanding in his eyes. He never expected her to leave Jack since that would contradict everything he'd told her so far. He did think that she would back him up on protecting the island, though. Yet, that was just another thing she couldn't do with clear conscience. For her, protecting her people and getting them home was the most important.

She left Richard and went with Jack and Hugo and the rest towards the place where Locke resided. It was true that you always had a choice, but she needed to make this one in order to save her marriage.

"I didn't actually see Jacob there," Hurley confessed to Jack on their way. Alice's heart reached out to the big guy because he felt so bad for lying. "I only said that, so everyone would go with me."

"I know," Jack said to his surprise. Alice kind of knew, too, she thought.

"Then why?" Hugo asked.

"Why what?" Jack asked him.

"Why did you trust me?"

"I was so sure once, Hugo," Jack explained. "And it got Juliet killed. Maybe I'm supposed to let go."

Alice's heart grew when she heard that and then it started beating faster. It was actually all she needed from Jack. To just let go of certain things, to leave them be. Could it be possible that she would soon get her wish?

She didn't know what to say, so she decided to act instead. She leveled with Jack, now walking alongside him and she took his hand.

"Hurley, we're with you and we're trusting you. Lead," Jack said and Alice's hope only grew on hearing the word 'we'.

She was glad that she'd chosen to go with him despite the obvious danger that it carried. She felt Jack's hand gripping hers strongly, but not strong enough to hurt her; just so she could feel that he was holding her, too and that he wanted that. It was enough for now. It was all about small steps, Alice reminded herself, happy in that very moment. Maybe happy for the first time since... when? She'd come and kissed Jack that night when Sawyer told her to go and try to work things out? Probably. She knew she would be much safer with Richard, but love was never about being safe.

They reached Locke's camp and after Hugo spoke for them all and made sure they wouldn't be harmed in any way, Jack and Alice and the rest finally came out of hiding. The first person Alice saw was John – or the thing pretending to be him – and then she spotted Kate and James. She was already on her way to hug them when she noticed someone else. Someone she hadn't seen for a very, very long time. Someone she'd thought was lost. Claire was standing right there, next to Kate. And Alice could feel Jack freezing beside her. After all, Claire was his half-sister and none of them had known that when they'd been around each other before. Locke turned to Jack, still recognizing him and not Hurley for the leader and wished to talk to him.

"Dude, so you," Hugo just said when he received Jack glanced at him.

Alice was watching worryingly as Jack and John retreated and then she remembered Claire being there, too, so she slowly made her way to James and Kate, finally hugging them. Still, she was eager to talk to the blonde since it'd been ages since she'd last seen her. Alice remembered how they'd used to be very close, but that changed once Claire had been abducted by the others and come back with no memory.

"Claire, it's so good to see you," Alice turned to the woman since she had nothing better to say, really. She discovered that she only had a fleeting memory of the blonde and only thought about her more because she turned out to be Jack's half-sister and because she was Aaron's mother. And she'd changed so much, Alice decided when taking a good look. Claire's hair was all tangled up and Alice was pretty sure there was no way she could ever comb it and would have to cut most of it anyway. Claire also seemed different somehow, changed and Alice wasn't sure it was for better.

"Hi, Alice. Good to see you, too," Claire said and gave her an awkward hug after which she disappeared in the jungle, mumbling something about having to talk to her brother. Alice watched her leave with mixed feelings.

"Yeah, that happened," James murmured. "Chick had a trip to the cuckoo's nest. She tried to kill Kate!"

"She did _what_?" Alice opened her eyes widely in surprise. "But..."

"She ain't worth risking your life for, that's all I'm saying."

Once Kate retreated, James discreetly took Alice aside.

"We're gonna ditch Locke," he informed.

"What?"

"I have a deal with Widmore. He has a sub and he'll take us home. We're selling Locke out. He's sending us to get a boat to sail to the other island, but once Kate and I go to get it, you, Jack, Hurley, Sun and the pilot will sneak out and meet us here." James handed her the map and showed the marked spot. "Just make sure to be there."

"What about Claire?" Alice asked.

"You've seen her. You've heard me. She ain't invited."

"She's Jack's sister," Alice tried to argue, not really knowing what to think of it all just yet.

"And Aaron's mother and do you really want her near that kid in this state? She can be mother Theresa, she ain't coming. Sayid either. He's a freaking zombie. These are my conditions. Take it or leave it, sweetheart."

Alice sighed, but then she nodded, hiding the map in her pocket.

* * *

When Jack and Locke made their way back, it was dawn already. Alice got to her husband,

wanting to talk. He wasn't particularly happy about it.

"Alice..." he started and she kind of expected a long explanation to why there were so many more important things at the moment.

"Jack, this isn't about us. Just listen..."

Soon after, just as James told Alice, Locke sent him to get the boat and he wanted Kate to go with him since she had some sailing experience. Alice knew it all to be a hoax, but they had to have a perfect deception plan and who else was best at conning if not Sawyer.

Sometime after they all left the camp and started their trek through the jungle, Alice, Jack and the people Sawyer named stayed behind until they disappeared, heading straight to the place James marked on the map.

They didn't foresee Claire following them, though and she caught them once they were about to leave on the boat. She actually aimed her gun at them. It was Kate who won her over by speaking to her about Aaron and about how she'd done what she had to do and come back to the island for one reason only – to get Claire.

Finally, they were on their merry way, getting to the other island safely. Barely had they made it out of the boat, Sun was reunited with Jin and everyone's spirit seemed to be lifted. Well, until they were actually captured by Widmore's people instead of being let go in the sub as James had it promised, that was.


	36. Chapter 36 jack

Widmore brought them back to the cages. Alice and Jack recognized this place and were bombarded with memories they didn't necessary ask for. It also made Alice think of how Jack had refused to save Ben in 1977 and therefore, helped him become the man Ben was today. Something happened to Sayid when he was brought back and Alice could only assume that a quite similar thing happened to Linus when Kate and Sawyer had given him over to the others, to Richard.

"Hell, no!" James's grumble woke her up from her reverie. "I ain't going into a cage like some damn animal!" He protested and tried to resist. In that moment, they all heard Widmore's gun being released from its safety and then the cold, metallic barrel was pressed against Alice's temple, causing her body to still, but heartbeat to fasten.

"I swear, if you hurt her..." Jack started immediately, but Widmore interrupted him.

"You'll do what, exactly? Shephard, Reyes, Ford, Kwan... you're all on the list, but she is not. Not anymore," he informed. "She's expendable."

James looked Alice in the eye and saw the tears in there. She was doing her best to be strong and appear to be brave, but she was failing. He knew she was fighting for two now and maybe exactly that disqualified her from being a candidate. He simply got inside the cage and let Widmore lock him and the rest of them up, Alice landing there last, being pushed hard enough to lose her ground. She would've fallen if James hadn't caught her, Jack being too far away to make it in time.

She just stayed there, in her friend's arm and let him embrace her. She felt a little bit better thanks to that, but only a little.

Once they were left alone, Jack made his way to Alice who was just being let go by Sawyer.

"What did he mean?" he asked with a frown. "Why aren't you on the list?"

Alice had wanted to tell him the truth for a very long time now, she really had, but not like this. This seemed like the wrong place to do it. Luckily for her – or unluckily – she hadn't quite figured that one out yet; they heard the familiar sinister sound of the smoke monster approaching. Locke must've gotten to Hydra island somehow and Widmore's people were clearly behind in their work on the sonic fence, because they should've put it up by now.

Then Alice thought of a different thing – she hadn't felt anything remotely similar to her ability and she wondered whether it was weakening because Jacob was dead or because she was pregnant. Well, she wouldn't miss it either way, she decided and hoped that it was the first option because then Richard could become human again.

Locke killed all of Widmore's people who were around and released the survivors from the cages. They were lost as they weren't sure whom to follow, but then again, they also didn't have a choice, so they went with the monster.

He took them straight to the plane and then retrieved a bomb from it.

"Charles Widmore would never let you leave," Locke informed when holding the bomb for all of them to see. "He let me into his camp today. He let me free all of you to give you the false sense of being safe. He was planning on gathering you all in a tight, confined space like this plane, so he could kill you. Now, if you go with me to the sub, we will get out of this island. I promise you that."

Again, having no better choice and choosing the lesser evil at the moment – although Alice wasn't so sure, desperately trying to tap into her ability and not being able to locate that feeling anymore. She immediately remembered the well-known phrase - be careful what you wish for. What if her wish had come true in least wanted moment?

She walked right behind Jack and Sawyer and just now noticed that they were talking. She decided to pay attention to what they were saying to each other and soon enough she knew that James didn't want Locke on the sub and he was right. They couldn't let this... _thing_... whatever it really was, to get out of the island because of what it could do in the real world with millions of people around. Jack promised James to take care of Locke. He and Alice, too, noticed that the man somehow couldn't cross water while being the smoke monster, so maybe pushing him into it could be their chance.

And just then, once they reached the submarine, Alice finally felt it. Danger was coming and it was coming fast. She was just opening her mouth to warn everyone, but it was already too late.

One moment Jack was pushing Locke into the water and the next there was a gunshot and Kate was hit.

Alice – just like everyone else – grabbed her own gun and opened fire to the enemy, the people who were apparently trying to protect Locke. It was extremely difficult to listen to the signals her body was giving her and to shot based on them, but she managed, focusing all her energy on it, pushing her mind away from Jack or Kate or James or anyone else she might care about. This was the only way to protect them now.

Eventually, she made her way to the sub and was relieved to see James waiting for her at the bottom of the ladder; Jack, Kate and Hugo following.

Jack took care of Kate immediately and this time Alice didn't hold it against him. Kate seemed to be in a lot of pain and Alice cared about her way too much to just watch her die. Still, before she would check on anyone, she had to find a seat and rest. She lowered her head, doing her best to overcome the nausea. She didn't know if it came from her ability of pregnancy, but it didn't matter. It sucked either way.

"Hey, you ok?" James walked over to her and he squatted by her side, looking up at her face. "Is this because...?" his voice trailed off significantly and she was grateful that he was tactful enough not to say too much.

"No," she finally decided when shaking her head. "I don't think..." and then she gasped, suddenly hit with a wave so powerful that her eyes opened widely and she raised her head. "Something's wrong!" she screamed for everyone to hear and James stood up, scared as well. "Something is really, really wrong!"

Next, Jack retrieved a bomb from his backpack. The same bomb they'd seen in Locke's hands.

"Son of a bitch!" Sawyer cursed. "The bastard kept talking about Widmore getting us all into a confined space and he did it himself!"

Sayid quickly made his way to Jack, taking a look at the bomb, but he couldn't be sure if pulling the wires at the same time would help or do just the opposite. The mechanism was too elaborated and tricky and they didn't have enough time.

"Nothing is going to happen," Jack suddenly said and everyone stared at him. "We should just let it be."

"Jack, no!" Alice protested, still in pain caused by her ability. Why had she tried to wake it up in the first place? She started wondering. What good did it do to them now? "It's real! The way I feel it's all the proof you need!"

"Are you absolutely sure that you're afraid of the bomb or just what we can do with it?" he asked a very confusing question and she didn't understand him at all. The nausea and discomfort she felt wasn't helping either.

"Locke wants us dead, but for some reason he can't kill us," Jack went on, speaking directly to his wife. "This is how he'll do it. He wants to trick us into doing it ourselves. It's a trap, Alice. Trust me on this."

Their eyes locked for a moment and she could actually feel it. She could sense the truth in what he was saying. How did she know? She had no idea, but she was sure of it. She believed him. Maybe it was crazy, but she did nevertheless.

"I ain't gonna be blown to pieces!" James then said and pulled the wires just like Sayid suggested.

For a moment, everything was all right, the counting seemed to stop, only then it started all over again, this time like five times faster.

They were all too shocked to act and it was Sayid who grabbed the bomb and then turned to Jack to tell him quickly, "Find Desmond. He's on the island and Locke wants him dead, so you'll need him." Then he just ran away with the bomb in his hands and they all watched it happen until they heard the explosion.

Sayid was gone. The sub was sinking. And everything went to hell.

As soon as the water started getting into the room and they felt the sub going down, Jack cared only about one thing and that was getting Alice out of there safely. He called her name and tried to get to the place she was before, but it seemed impossible. They were drowning fast and the water was already up to his waist. Besides, all the furniture was just dancing around and he heard a scream he located came from Sun as one of the pieces crashed straight into her.

"Hurley, get her out of here!" Jack turned to Hugo as he was the only uninjured person he could see near him and pointed Kate. She was shot and that made it difficult for her to get out on her own. Then he turned to Sun, still looking all over the sinking room to find his wife. And he couldn't. He just couldn't find her and he didn't want to think of what that might mean. He heard James calling her name as well and that unsettled him even more.

* * *

Meanwhile, Alice was easily thrown into the next room as the water hit. She had no strength to fight the tide because she was still incapacitated by the terrible feeling filling her in and something told her it was the death coming. Then she didn't even have the strength to fight for air anymore and she inhaled the water, her lungs filling with it. All she saw before her eyes as she was dying was Jack. How they met. How she stitched him up. How he still had the scar she left on him, a reminder of that first time they spoke. How they fell in love madly and fast and how they saved each other and... that was it, Alice realized with the last ounce of strength she had left. That was it. He saved her and all she had to do was to save him right back, repay that debt. Only she failed and now it was too late. She was _dead_.

* * *

Jack couldn't stand the idea of leaving Sun and Jin behind, but they themselves told him to go and look for his wife. He knew deep down that there was no way he could get Sun out. No one could with the sub sinking so rapidly, with the pressure and the lack of air. So he left. But he knew that the sight of Sun and Jin drowning would forever haunt him.

He swam forward, using the small air-tank Jin had given him and finally, he saw her. He didn't want it to be true. He didn't want her to turn out to be dead. She couldn't be. Not now. Not ever. Then it would truly be all his fault. Then he would have killed her and Juliet and Sun and Jin. Just please God, no! Jack was pleading desperately as he grabbed Alice's arm and gently yanked her upwards, out of the sub and to the surface. Please, please, let her be all right, he was silently praying, not even remembering the last time he'd done so. He knew he didn't deserve God's attention, but she did. Alice was one of the best people he knew, if not the best. She loved fiercely with all her heart and despite everything Jack had done to her, she'd never

given up. He saw that now. He understood that she would gladly give her life for him and he would do just the same. If only he hadn't been so stupid before. If only he'd trusted her instead of pushing her away.

Finally, after what seemed like a whole eternity, he broke through the surface, threw the tank away and before he even managed to breathe the fresh air in, he started screaming for help and then choking. Soon, there was a pair of hands taking Alice from him and bringing her to the shore and once Jack got there, as well not even feeling his legs anymore but still going, he saw that it was Sawyer who helped him.

"She ok?" the guy asked, his voice terrified and full of guilt.

Jack didn't answer, he just got to his knees in front of Alice's inert body and cleared her airway, preparing her for the resuscitation. It had to work. It just had to work, he was telling himself. Just like it'd worked once with Charlie. It would work now, too. She hadn't been under for too long.

He seemed not to have any breath left in his lungs, he seemed not to have any strength, but he kept on going. He blew the air into her mouth and then started the heart massage. He didn't trust anyone else with her life because they would give up sooner than he would. And he would _never._ Not until she breathed.

Hugo and Kate came over and they were sobbing. Sawyer was frantically murmuring something under his breath, but Jack didn't care about any of that. He only cared about saving Alice. He focused only on her, trying not to think of how fragile her body seemed to be now, of how much smaller she was in comparison to him. How could she survive this?

While Jack was working on bringing Alice back, James already felt like they lost her. She'd been unconscious for way too long, he thought when covering his mouth with his hand and thinking of how she was pregnant and how he probably killed her because he didn't listen to Jack. He would never tell the doc that he was going to be a father, he decided right then and there. He would carry that secret with him to the rest of his days even if it destroyed him. Jack couldn't know. It would be too much.

And just in that moment, James heard coughing and he looked at Alice and saw that it came from her.

"Thank God!" he yelled, hope entering his heart again. "Thank God!"

"Alice?" Jack asked, completely shocked that it actually worked. It was one thing not to give up, but completely another to actually see that he hadn't done it for a reason, that he actually brought her back. "Alice! Thank God! Alice!" he kept on calling her name and crying and then he brought her to his chest, hugging so tightly that he was actually afraid he would cause some damage. He'd just brought her back, after all.

Only Alice stopped coughing by now and she was shaking with cold and seeking out his heat as well. Even though he was wet, too, even though he himself was shaking. She just needed to feel him. She needed him to hold her. She simply needed to hear the beating of his heart and to make sure he was alive. That they were both alive. Actually, that the three of them were alive. She didn't feel any pain in her lower abdomen, so she hoped that the baby was fine. Then she, too, started crying.

"Where's Sun? Jin?" Hugo chose that moment to ask and Jack just shook his head.

Then he gently released Alice from his arms and stood up, simply looking at the ocean. He didn't feel cold anymore. He didn't even feel happy or sad. He was simply numb. He made a few steps forward and walked right back into the ocean, then got to his knees as though the upcoming waves could somehow cleanse him. Tears were flooding down his face as the guilt overwhelmed him. He felt guilty because Alice had gone after him. She trusted him and he almost got her killed in return just like he did to Juliet, like he did to Jin and Sun. And the Koreans had a little baby waiting for them back home! A daughter Jin hadn't even seen yet and now he would never get the chance to. Thinking about it all was just too much.

Jack felt someone's presence behind him and then a pair of arms were put around him from behind. Alice pressed herself into his back, just holding him as he cried, as his body kept on shaking. He knew she wanted to comfort him, but she actually made it all worse.

"I'm sorry," he said through his tears. "I should've never pushed you away. Now all I do is keep hurting you." Because he did, he thought. He only brought her pain. It might be Sawyer who actually 'detonated' the bomb on the sub in the end, but it was Jack who brought Alice back to the island, detonated the hydrogen bomb, killed Juliet, kept on failing his wife and eventually he almost killed her as well. He almost killed the very woman he loved more than anything! And if he really loved her, he thought, he would have to just let her go. She'd be much happier without the misery he was bringing into her life. Maybe she'd be happier with Richard. She might've said they were just friends and Jack believed her, but he saw the way Richard looked at her just the same. He wasn't blind. She could even be happy with Sawyer. But not with him. Not with Jack. Not really. Had she ever been actually happy with him? He wondered. Back on the island? Then back at home when he'd found out about Claire being his sister? Now? No, he realized, terrified of his own discovery. She had been not.

Eventually, they got up and came back to their camp which was nearby. None of them said anything. They were all in shock after everything that had happened.

Once they were at their destination, Jack found a blanket and wrapped it around Alice so she would warm up. He didn't want her to get sick after everything she'd just been through.

"Stay," she told him the, taking a hold of his hand just when he was about to leave.

He did stay. Despite everything that was happening inside of him, he stayed because she asked him to. He just couldn't deny her that.

"Remember how it all started?" she asked after a moment of silence. "Remember our first kiss? The beginning?"

"How you got condoms from Sawyer?" he asked partially because he wanted to hear her laugh one last time despite all the tragedies around them and because he was sick of feeling so heavy.

"Or how you were obsessed with doing it in the shower?" she retaliated with a smile and he saddened all over again at the memory. He would never again see her naked. He would never be able to touch her, to make her feel good, to bury himself deep inside her and just... He closed his eyes and fisted his hands. It was too much. Losing her would be the end of him. Why hadn't he seen it before? He wondered. _Why_?! Why had he been so stupid and blind?! Now there was no coming back. It had been then, but not now. Now it was simply too late and someone had to take over Jacob's, Jack knew it. He saw that despite everything, Jacob was the only one who told the truth.

"You need to rest," he eventually said to Alice. "You almost died today. Just get some sleep." She must've been very tired because she actually listened without a word of protest. Once she was lying down and Jack was putting the blanket over her, he hesitated. Could he really just walk away right this moment? Couldn't he wait a little bit longer? Eventually, on seeing that everyone else was resting on their own way, too, he lay down right next to his wife and tentatively put his arm around her, spooning her, his heart raging in his chest. None of them talked, but she took his hand into her arms and fell asleep just holding on to it. Jack didn't even dare move, he wanted to savor this moment because he knew it would be their last.

* * *

Jacob once again visited Alice, but this time she knew it was a dream. She couldn't see him. She didn't even know where she was. She just remembered what he said to her, " _Wake up, Alice. It's time_." She opened her eyes and sat up straight almost immediately, already feeling that something was wrong. And then she figured out what. She was cold. She didn't feel the warmth coming from Jack's body anymore because there was no Jack around her. In fact, she was all alone on the beach, everybody else gone as well. They must've been close, though, she thought when slowly getting to her feet. They must've been close because they wouldn't just leave her there without protection if they were going somewhere far. She might be weak that day, but she still had a job to do. And she needed to hurry. It was time for the truth and nothing but the truth.

* * *

What if she was already too late? She worried, terrified out of her mind as she was running through the jungle. It seemed like a whole eternity, but in fact, she found her people pretty quickly. They really were close.

"Where's Jack?!" she asked in panic as she saw Kate and James and Hugo, but not her husband. "Where is he?!" she repeated, desperately looking for any sense or feeling inside to tell her that it wasn't too late. But then again, not feeling anything sinister coming was a good thing, right?

"He went with Jacob," Kate said after a moment. "He... he volunteered to take his place," she informed gently as though she was afraid of Alice's reaction.

"Where?!" Alice just asked.

"This way." It was James who answered her and started walking. She followed him, urging him to go faster and she could feel Kate and Hurley going after as well, probably curious of what would happen. None of them was ready for another drama, but they might not have a choice.

"Jack, stop!" Alice screamed once she stepped into a small clearing right next to a stream where Jack stood in the company of some man and was just about to press a cup to his lips. He stopped on seeing her, surprised by her sudden appearance.

"Alice..." her name came out of his mouth in a sigh.

The man turned to look at her and she recognized him right away.

"You," she said. ''How can I see you if you're dead?"

"You're almost too late," he just said, ignoring her question.

"Too late for what?" Jack wanted to know. "What is going on here?" He turned to Jacob. "Is there something you forgot to mention?"

"Jack, you can't do this," Alice decided to just say what she had to say. They didn't have much time and she needed to win her husband back. She needed to save him. "Jacob manipulated you," she informed. "He always saw you as his replacement. He wanted you because you had what it took."

"What did you just say?" Jack was actually surprised.

"I know," Alice admitted. "You never thought you had it because of your father, but you do, Jack. You're a magnificent man and I love you. But this doesn't mean you have to do this," she said when making a circling gesture with her arms.

"This won't be so easy, will it?" Hugo just asked the rest.

"Jack, you would have never left me if this man hadn't manipulated you!" Alice repeated, pointing a finger at Jacob.

"But I never met him before."

"Oh, I'm sure you have," she continued. "Maybe you just don't remember."

Jack looked at Jacob, probably expecting him to deny everything Alice was just saying, but to his surprise, the man just stood still and observed.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Jack asked him.

"What do you want me to say?" Jacob asked right back.

"There was a time when you saved me, Jack," Alice continued, feeling like she finally had a shot, like Jack's trust in Jacob was crumbling, "let me save you now."

"Can't you just get to the point, sweetheart?" Sawyer asked when folding his arms on his chest. "This ain't a soap op... au!" he grumbled when Kate kicked him to shut him up.

"When we got married," Alice continued, completely ignoring James's remark, "you said we'd always save each other. You said we'd be one another's reason to live and that you'd never going to leave me. Why are you so bent on doing exactly that now?" she asked with glassy eyes. "Did you ever mean any of it, Jack?!"

"Of course I did!" he finally said, his voice broken as well. "But can't you see that all I'm doing is hurting you?! I destroy you!"

"No, you do not!" She disagreed. "You give me strength and love and I can't live without you. You destroy me when you keep pushing me away. I'm not some fragile twig that will break if you put too much pressure on me, Jack! I want to support you the same way you supported me once! When we crashed on this island, I wanted to die! And you saved me! Can't you see that I'm trying to do the same thing for you right now?! I'm strong for the both of us now!"

"Alice..."

"And I'm pregnant," she finally revealed, using her final argument. If she was afraid before that by saying it she would obligate Jack to do something he didn't really want to, she knew now that she had been wrong. Jack loved her and because of that, he wanted to let her go. He thought he couldn't make her happy. As twisted as that logic of his was, she understood.

There was silence as everyone was processing what Alice just said and it was actually Hurley who spoke first, "Dude!... Au!" he then complained when for a change, James kicked him.

"Wait... what?" Jack asked in confusion. "You're... pregnant?" For a moment, there was a surprise smile on his face as though he thought it was impossible but in the same time it was the greatest gift she could give him. As though he discovered he didn't have a problem with having a child anymore. Only then he continued, "But you said you couldn't..."

"Because it was the truth at the time," she said. "We made this baby in Dharma Initiative. And he," she pointed at Jacob, "couldn't get to me there."

"I... I don't understand again," Jack admitted, perplexed.

"Jacob didn't want the island to heal me like it happened with Jin, because he wanted you to be his replacement. He never wanted us together, so he did everything he could to separate us. But it isn't going to work. What's meant to be is meant to be, Jack. We traveled back in time and the island did heal me. I am pregnant with your child and I need you to go home with me and be the father. I can't do this alone."

"I'm sorry," Jack suddenly said, his eyes full of tears. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for ruining us."

"You haven't ruined anything. Not yet," Alice assured him.

She was afraid. Her heart was beating way too fast. That was it. That was the one final moment and she couldn't do or say anything more to convince him. The rest was up to him. Was he going to go through with whatever she'd interrupted? Or was he going to leave the island with her?

Jack released his hold on the cup and it fell to the ground, spilling water. In no time, he was right by Alice's side, grabbing her face and kissing her. And it was like coming out for fresh air. It was as though she didn't come alive until he kissed her. He might've revived her back on the beach, but she'd felt herself to be dead. Now he was finally putting the life back into her by kissing her with so much love and passion and desperation that nothing else mattered, not even the danger they were still in and the current lack of an actual replacement. Only them mattered. Reunited. Together. Finally where they belonged. With each other.

"I'll do it," they suddenly heard Hugo saying and that finally caused Jack to stop kissing Alice. He put his arm around her, though, never wanting to let her go ever again.

"Hurley, you were the one who didn't want to volunteer," Jack reminded the guy. "It's all right. You don't have to..."

"You have a wife, Jack," Hugo said when making his way to his friends, "and I don't. I can do this. You take her home and be a good husband and a great dad for me. Mine left me and didn't show up until I grew up. You can't do that to this baby."

Jack just nodded, too touched to say anything, but his eyes told Hurley everything the guy needed to know. Then Hugo hugged Alice, James and Kate and finally, he stood in front of Jacob who was by now holding the cup again, full of freshly poured water. The new replacement took it and drunk it all. Just like that, he was the protector of the island and Jacob disappeared.

When they came back to the place Alice had found James, Kate and Hurley earlier, the fire had burnt out.

"What next?" Jack asked when still holding on to his wife, still overwhelmed by the news and by everything she'd told him and by the fact that the barrier he'd raised between them seemed to be gone now and they belonged to each other again.

"We need to find Locke and kill him," Hugo decided. "This has to end. And we'll do that by going to the bamboo forest. Jacob said you know where it is, Jack. He said you landed there the first time you got here."

Jack nodded. "Then let's go."

"There's light there," Hugo continued, "and Locke wants to put it out. We need to find Desmond, too."

"I'll go get him," James offered. "Where is he?"

"In the old well. Without him, we can't defeat Locke," Hurley informed. "Maybe if we let him put the light out, he'll be able to die."

"That's a lot of ifs, Hugo," Jack said, but didn't argue with the new protector's decision since he didn't have a better plan himself.


	37. Chapter 37 jack

Sawyer caught up with them as they were making their way to the heart of the island.

"I didn't see Desmond in the well, but that's good news, right?" he asked, walking along them. "It means he got out. But I met Locke. He wants to destroy this place."

"Well, we can't let that happen," Hugo just said. "How far, Jack?" he turned to the doctor.

"Don't worry. We'll get there soon enough."

"Hey, what about Desmond? Shouldn't we look for him some more?" James asked, not sure if he should go with them.

"It doesn't matter if we find Desmond," Jack told him. "We're all going to the same place."

"You're so sure about that? And then what?"

"Then it ends," Jack answered and looked at Alice whose hand he was still holding. = "And hopefully, we can go home." He didn't forget that being pregnant was a death sentence on the island and right now his priority was to just get his wife home. Only he couldn't do that without Locke being dead as the guy posed a serious threat to everything.

They were very close to the bamboo forest when somebody walked out of the bushes on their right. Kate was already raising her gun, preparing herself to shoot when Richard raised his hands in surrender and yelled, "Wow! Wait! It's just me!"

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked in surprise as Kate lowered the gun.

"I came to tell you that Miles and I found Lapidus and right now he's working on the plane. I'm getting you all out of here."

"So you no longer want to destroy it?" Jack made sure.

"What's the point in destroying it if we can just fly away in it, leaving Locke behind?" Richard asked.

"That's actually a great plan, dude," Hugo said, "but we have to kill Locke, not just leave him behind."

"And how are you planning on doing that?" Richard got interested when joining the group.

"You'll see," Jack only told him mysteriously.

"The plane should be ready in an hour," Richard then added.

"First things first."

Barely had they entered the bamboo forest, they met with Locke who was dragging Desmond and Ben with him.

"So, you're the new Jacob?" Locke asked Jack since he was the one currently leading. Yet, little did he know how wrong he actually was.

Alice was already opening her mouth to say something when Jack squeezed her hand gently and almost imperceptibly shook his head when she looked at him. They had the advantage of surprise if Locke thought Jack was the replacement. While he was watching him, Hugo would have a free hand to act.

"Let's go," Jack just said, glad that this time Hugo wasn't so fast to spill the beans.

Then he jumped when Kate suddenly opened fire, shooting Locke. To their shock, the man was still standing, having no scratch on him.

"Have you finished?" he just asked stunned Kate and then turned to Jack with warning in his voice, "Whatever you think you'll do, you're wrong."

"Really? I'm going to destroy you."

"No, you're going to destroy this island," the man corrected him.

"We'll just have to wait and see who's right, then," Jack cut the conversation short.

They finally reached the heart of the island and for a moment, they all stood still, mesmerized by the simple and natural beauty of the light in the cave they saw the entrance to. There was a small stream disappearing inside, water going down and carrying the light. Locke was the only one who seemed not to waste his time when producing a rope and tying it around Desmond's waist. Hugo helped him and they slowly lowered Desmond into the pit. Then they waited.

Alice could tell Jack was buzzing with anticipation, ready to act, ready to kill Locke as soon as he would have the chance. And then it happened - Alice felt sick, but this feeling wasn't particularly strong. With Jacob's death, her ability must've been fading.

"I guess you were wrong, Jack," Locke said and next thing Alice knew, Jack jumped to him and tackled him to the ground, then he hit him in the face and to their astonishment, the man actually bled.

"You were wrong, too," Jack said with satisfaction.

Locke then took him by surprise when striking him upside the head and running away quickly.

James tried to stop him, but he met with the same fate Jack had, just dropping flat on the ground.

Kate opened fire again, but she missed.

"I'm going to kill that bastard!" she screamed and followed the Man in Black. In the meantime, Hugo was calling Desmond's name by the pit, hoping to get him out in time.

"Jack!" Alice didn't care about anything and anyone at the moment but getting to her husband and making sure he was all right. "Jack, wake up!" She squatted right by him and cupped his face, trying to gently shake him awake. "Jack?"

To her relief, he opened his eyes. He was disoriented for a moment, but then she saw understanding and recognition in his eyes and he slowly sat up, massaging his head. She helped him to stand up and almost immediately bent over, struck with a particularly strong attack.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked. "What's happening? Is the baby all right?"

"Yeah... it's... Jack, something's terribly wrong. I think Kate's in trouble," Alice informed with a gasp.

"I'm on it," Jack just said and was already gone, running after Locke and Kate.

"Jack! Wait!" Alice tried to stop him, but it was too late.

"I don't know how to help Desmond!" she then heard Hugo calling, but somehow she had a feeling that Desmond would be just fine.

"I can do it," Richard offered to her surprise and she was torn between running after her husband and trying to persuade Richard from doing something stupid. Eventually, she decided that Jack could handle himself and she turned to her friend.

"Richard, you don't know what will happen to you once you get down there," she protested, making her way to him.

"I know. I'll die," he simply answered.

"But... you can't..." she came to a sudden stop as she realized that if she was slowly being freed from her ability, Richard must've been becoming mortal again.

"I have to put whatever Desmond pulled out, back in," Richard explained. "Once you kill Locke, this has to be done. Otherwise the island will crumble and land at the bottom of the ocean and we both know that we cannot let that happen, Alice. Not after everything we've done trying to protect this place."

"All I ever wanted to protect was my husband," she just said.

"Exactly," he admitted sadly. "You belong with him because you love him. The problem is that I am in love with you, too."

She was already opening her mouth to say something, but then she closed it. What could she tell Richard that wouldn't be a lie and would make him feel better? That she cared about him? That he was just a dear friend to her? He knew the first and the second was unnecessary.

"You already have a life you always wanted and needed, Alice," Richard continued when cupping her face and looking her in the eye. "I can't be around you. It wouldn't be right for the both of us."

"So you'll just die?" she asked with pain in her voice, her eyes already filling up with tears. She was hurting because she'd never really had any feelings for him, but he had for her. She felt so sorry for this poor and broken man who'd never been really happy in his life.

She had no words to say to Richard as she was looking into his brown and warm eyes that were so good. She could do something for him, though and it wouldn't feel like cheating because she would be just comforting her friend in the time of need. And he needed and deserved it. She pressed her lips against his, kissing him, giving him what he wanted and then she stepped backwards, letting him do what he had to do. Letting him go. He cast her one last look, nodding at her and then turning to Hurley to say, "Lower me down there."

Ben came over to help Hugo and Alice was just watching Richard till she still could. Only then she found she didn't have the time since she suddenly felt horrible, clenching onto her stomach and bending over as nausea hit her and something else, too. Something she'd never felt before. Something nearly clouding her whole mind, making it impossible for her to see or feel anything but this paralyzing fear. Her ability had never been screaming at her so badly before and somehow she knew that it wasn't because it was disappearing, that it wasn't one last time. Or maybe it was, but it was more serious than anything she'd been warned about before. It felt so bad that she was afraid she'd lose control and just faint. She'd fainted once before, after the freighter exploded and their chopper crashed. It was when the island disappeared. Still, this time it seemed even worse than that. It was beyond anything, it made her want to lie down on the ground and crawl in pain, to just die, to stop everything so she could have some respite.

She was losing her fight, she knew that, she soon would just black out and then, through her already clouded and sore brain, she remembered something – _And one day, Alice, it may help you save the life of someone you love_.

It took everything she had, all her willpower, all of her love for Jack and their unborn child to stand up, to get to her feet and move. To just move towards the place Locke, Kate and Jack had disappeared to, to reach them.

 _Run, Alice, run_! She screamed at herself in her mind as she moved, faster and faster, as she fought through the pain and the nausea and she just sped. _Run! Run for your life_! And she was. Quite literally, too. She wanted nothing more than to just stop and to collapse and pass out, but she couldn't because Jack was in a mortal danger and she couldn't do it without him. She could not do anything without him. Not now. Not _ever_.

* * *

Jack could hear Kate screaming in pain and then screaming for help as he was speeding through the jungle to help her. He hoped her wasn't too late, but once he finally found himself on the cliff, he saw her lying on the hard rock surface in a pool of blood.

He immediately got to his knees, checking her pulse. She was breathing, but barely. He looked at her wounds and discovered that she had been stabbed multiple times. It was a miracle that she was still breathing, but for how long? He wondered.

"Behind you," he suddenly heard her warning him in a weak and wheezing voice. It took him quite some time to decipher what she said and once he finally did, it was already too late since there was a knife pressed against his throat.

Jack stilled, his heart beating even faster. He was terrified of what would happen next. Locke would kill him. He would simply slit his throat and there was nothing Jack could do to escape the blade. There was also no one to help him. Kate was already dying. Soon, he would join her, he thought and closed his eyes shut, thinking of how stupid he was to get himself stuck in this trap. Then he thought of Alice and all the things he promised her. He wasn't going to hurt her again and what he was doing right now? This would be the last straw. This would not only kill him, but her, too. And what if she'd lose the baby once she found out?

"Finally, the new Jacob," Locke then said and in that moment, an idea sprouted in Jack's head. Only would Locke even believe him? Jack wondered. He had to try anyway.

"You're wrong," he said carefully and nearly hissed as the blade cut some skin on the side of his neck. It was pressed too tightly. "I'm not the new Jacob. Hugo is. And you're never going to kill him now."

Even if it didn't save his life, it gave him some time, he thought. His neck was bleeding, but the cut was only skin deep, nothing damaged so far. He started looking for something, anything, a weapon to use during that moment of hesitation before Locke would kill him anyway, but he failed.

There was just nothing. Kate's gun was probably discarded somewhere else.

And just then, when he closed his eyes and prayed to God and thought of Alice, a shot went out and the knife was dropped, releasing him from its painful vise. Jack took a deep breath, thanking the heavens for whoever just saved his life and then he stood up and turned around. He was stunned to see Alice standing there with a still smoking gun in her hands. She was shaking, barely standing on her feet as though she was going to collapse.

"I guess the shooting lessons really came in handy," she then told him before she dropped the gun and her knees hit the ground.

Jack was by her side in a second, holding her in his arms as she sobbed, her tears mixing with the blood that was still on his neck. She was clenching onto him desperately, couldn't believe she made it on time, couldn't really believe she was strong enough to push through and save him. And now she couldn't let him go, reveling in the feel of his strong arms around her, his heart beating so widely in his chest.

"Let's get out of here," she finally said when moving away a little, but only to cup his face and look him deeply in the eye. "I can't do this anymore. I need us home and save." Then she pressed her lips desperately against him, kissing him hard on the mouth. And he reciprocated.

Only then they heard a scream coming from Sawyer who must've just arrived. He'd probably followed them the moment he'd regained consciousness.

"No... no... no... Kate! Kate, wake up!" His knees hit the ground as he found Kate, desperately trying to shake her awake.

"Oh, no," Alice gasped, her hands covering her mouth. She started crying all over again as she got to her feet, reaching Kate.

"Don't," Jack stopped her when placing his hands on her shoulders. "Just... don't. She's gone."

He wanted to spare her the sight from up close. He didn't want her to see the terrible cuts in Kate's body that Locke had caused. He just wanted to shield her from everything. He didn't want her to think that if she'd gotten to the cliff a second later, he could've looked quite similar himself. That then she would've been crying over his body just like James was now doing it over Kate's.

"We need to go," Jack said. "Locke has a boat. We need to get to the Hydra island and catch that plane. Alice!" He raised his voice when she just stood there in a deep shock. "Alice!" he cupped her face and forced her to look him in the eye. "The baby! We can't stay here!" he reminded her.

"Right... right..." She finally woke up when thinking about her pregnancy. If she was still pregnant. Something calmed her down, though as some strange warmth was ignited in her heart and then it spread to all the parts of her body. She was sure the baby was fine. She also seemed to know that Richard was dying.

And then she knew that her ability was gone. She knew it all with such a surety and clarity that she didn't even waste her time questioning it.

Finally, she stilled herself and the shaking stopped as she walked towards James and placed her hand on his shoulder. "She's gone, James. I'm so sorry, but she is. We need to leave. _Now_."

Jack wasn't sure how whatever Alice said worked so quickly, but it did. Sawyer stood up, met her eyes and then he just nodded. Maybe it was the tone of her voice, maybe something else, but soon enough, they jumped off a cliff, straight into the water, swimming towards the boat.

* * *

Once they finally got to the beach on Hydra, they were met with a surprise. Claire was just sitting there, nervously playing with her fingers. Alice's heart reached out to her when seeing the state the blonde was in. It was hopelessness, abandonment, lack of belonging. She herself had once felt that way and Jack had helped her.

Alice wanted to go to Claire, but Jack stopped her. "It has to be me," he just said and made his way to his sister. Alice felt that, too. It had to be him. He needed to fix this one last person. He needed to make them all family.

"Claire?" he asked. "Claire, there's a plane leaving this island very soon and we can be there. We can get the hell out of here."

She didn't move or say anything for a moment, but then she slowly raised her head and met his eyes.

"I'm not going. I can't."

"Why not?" he asked when squatting right in front of her, looking at her face. "Don't you want to see your son? Don't you want to see Aaron?"

"Look at me!" Claire suddenly raised her voice. "I can't let him see me like this!"

"Nothing is irreversible, Claire," Jack continued in the same calming and steady voice. He needed to do this. He needed to reunite a mother with her son. He needed to do this for Kate, for Aaron, for himself. Kate died because of this and he wouldn't leave this island without making it right, without honoring what she wanted to do, what she came back for. "Claire, listen, I know I wasn't the best brother. I didn't know that we were related when I left this island, but then when I finally came back and met you again, I didn't care. I didn't care enough and I'm sorry for this. Just let me fix this now, ok? Let me be the big brother you deserve to have. Let me take you to your son. Kate..." he stopped, hesitating, but then he said it anyway in a changed voice. Now it was heavy and full of both guilt and pain. "Kate is gone. You're the only mother Aaron has now. You have to come with us. I will help you. Alice will help you. We'll be a family. What do you say?"

In that moment, Alice and James came closer and Alice reached her hand to Claire. Jack did the same as he stood up, waiting for the blonde to decide to go with them.

Eventually, she grabbed both their hands and they helped her out and together they ran towards the plane.

Lapidus was already leaving, but he stopped, seeing Sawyer running out in front of the plane, waving his arms and then soon enough, three other people joining.

"Looks like we got some latecomers!" the pilot informed happily and Miles opened the door, helping all of them in.

They quickly took their seats and Lapidus started all over again, praying that they'd manage to leave before the ground crumbled underneath them.

Jack directed Claire towards the window seat and then he took the one beside her and finally, the third seat was taken by Alice. They held hands again, just being together, trying to believe they were actually leaving, trying to deal with what and whom they left behind and what would await them back home. Alice looked at Jack's throat worryingly, but he assured her it was just a scratch, so she rested her head on his shoulder, still holding onto him, still needing a proof that he was there and he was alive and he was real. Then she looked at the seat across from her and saw James there. Poor, lonely, grieving James who'd in the matter of one week somehow lost two women he'd cared about. She reached her free hand towards him and took his. He looked her in the eye for a moment, appreciating that she was there for him, that at least _she_ managed to stay alive. And then, they left the island, the plane raising up into the air.

* * *

The key scraped the metal of the lock when Jack opened the door to his and Alice's apartment and let them in. It felt more strange and surreal the second time around when they came back from the island. Maybe because this time there were no people from Oceanic waiting for them, no press conference; they also weren't welcomed by their families and friends. It was just a quiet landing somewhere in Mexico and a lot of money paid for them to go unregistered. The plane was soon found by Ajira, but no one could tell how it actually got there.

It had been a very long and exhausting day, Alice decided when following Jack into their apartment. She'd rather not think when was the last time he'd been there. On their way back to LA, Alice made sure Claire looked more presentable. She'd taken her to a hairdresser – who thought it was a joke, actually – and shopping and they'd also been talking a lot. Alice and Jack had been telling Claire about Aaron, preparing her for their meeting and the first thing they'd done when finding themselves back in LA, was to take Claire to her mother who, luckily, was still in town. She could afford it after the settlement from Oceanic and she didn't want to move in case her daughter would come back. There Claire had been left and James had gone to see his own daughter, Clementine. That left both Alice and Jack alone.

And now they were back home, back to their old lives, having trouble believing it and missing all the people they'd met and lost during their second trip to the island. Missing Richard. Missing Kate. Juliet. Hugo who stayed behind, protecting the island.

Alice took Jack's hand and led him to the bathroom. None of them said anything. They didn't have to, really, both tired and overwhelmed. Once in the room, Alice took off all her clothes and got into the shower, turning on the hot water. Jack soon followed her example, joining her. They'd taken showers in the motel rooms on their way home, but it wasn't the same. This was. This was their cleaning, their coming back. Alice touched the freshly scarred cut on Jack's neck. It was actually deeper than he claimed it to be, but nothing was damaged. Then her hands moved to his back an\d to his side, touching the very scar she herself made when stitching him up. She felt like she needed to re-acquaint herself with his body again, to remember it and to get to know everything that seemed new like the small, almost imperceptible scar on his neck. His hands were all over her body and then he reached for the shower gel and the shampoo. She could feel him everywhere, his lips on her neck, kissing, sucking, caressing, his hands covering her breasts, then lowering to her stomach to rest there for a moment. Soon enough it would grow bigger and then they would have a child.

Once they were clean, they just held each other, breathing one another in, letting go of everything except them. Alice felt the evidence of Jack's desperate arousal against her body for quite some time now and she herself wanted him so badly it ached. Finally, she moved and captured his lips and they kissed as they got out of the shower and then they went to bed to lie there and become one. She opened her legs for him immediately, not able to stand another second without him inside her and there he was, sliding in with a groan and she responded with the same. They moved as one, kissed and kept on holding on.

"I'm never going to leave you," he said, speaking for the first time since they stepped into their apartment. " _I promise you_."

* * *

Nine months later James pushed the door open as he entered the maternity ward, carrying a stuffed animal and a few blue balloons tied up to the bear's hand. He'd never before welcomed a new child to this world and it was quite stressful for him, especially when the parents requested him to be the godfather. How was he supposed to be any good at it when all the experience he had was the last few months he'd spent getting to know his daughter. He truly love that girl. He loved her more than anything in this world and was determined to stay in her life forever. Well, at least until he died, he thought, hating that one day he would have to leave her. Only Clem was a girl and now he would have to be a part of a boy's life and he wasn't sure he was a good example of a man after everything he'd done. Still, he would do his damn best because Alice and Jack deserved it. He finally found the right room and entered it, steadying his footsteps in case he was in any danger of waking the baby up.

He saw Alice half-lying in a bed with a small bundle in her arms, resting against Jack's chest. James was pretty sure that husbands' presence in beds along their wives in a hospital after giving birth was against the rules, but everyone knew and liked doctor Shephard here, so he got away with it.

Claire was sitting in a chair right next to the bed, her hair almost the same length now as James remembered it from the times before she'd gone cuckoo. Aaron was playing in the corner.

"I see the family's complete," James said when coming closer to the bed and looking at the small boy in his best friend's arms. He still couldn't believe children could be so small and defenseless after they were born.

"Now it is." Alice sent him a happy smile. "James, meet your godson, David."


	38. Chapter 38 jack

_a.f.t.e.r_

A particularly bad turbulence shook her awake. She looked around, feeling a little disoriented. It wasn't often that she could actually fall asleep on a plane, she was usually too scared, but after everything that had happened in Australia, her husband ordered her a glass of something stronger and she could never handle her alcohol.

Where could he be now? She wondered, seeing the seat right next to her empty.

Probably the bathroom, she deduced. Either that or he was flirting with a flight attendant, not realizing that she actually knew about his extramarital endeavors. She wasn't stupid, but he apparently thought so. It was just another blow and she truly didn't know how to handle the situation. At first she'd even thought he'd decided to change. Why would he go to Australia with her anyway? His job was always more important than her and just because her parents died, it didn't mean he had to fly all the way to Sydney to attend the funeral. He'd never even met them and Alice had actually not been in contact with them for years. They'd never approved of her and her choices. It was always her twin sister, Anne, who was their favorite, who was better in everything, including falling in love. The final major spat Alice had with her parents was about the man she fell in love with. They didn't approve since he was fifteen years older than she was, therefore absolutely not suitable for their little girl. She refused to move to Australia – which was always her family's dream, but not hers – and they never spoke again. At that time she hadn't minded, really. She was happy with Richard, following her heart and not doing blindly what her family expected from her. Only then Richard died. And she was left all alone. And broken. Next, she met James Ford. He was the hot cup who comforted her, who was supposed to sweep her off her feet and mend her heart. Or he would have, in a movie, not in reality. Alice knew now that James used her when she was vulnerable. After she married him, everything changed. He didn't exactly treat her badly, but she knew about his love affairs and it was breaking her just a little every day. She truly didn't know what to do, how to get out of this marriage and remain herself, how to put herself back together again. Maybe she should talk to her friend about it. Shannon had a lot on her conscience and even more men in her life, but she was trustworthy and she always accepted and loved Alice for who she was.

Yes, Alice should most definitely change things. It was too much when she'd found James's folder in his things back in Australia. He wasn't there to attend her parents' funeral – for which he actually showed up late, causing her sister to look at her with an even bigger despise. He was there to hunt down Anthony Cooper AKA Sawyer, the man who destroyed his life. Maybe Sawyer was the reason to why James was the way he was, to why he couldn't commit and why the most important thing in his life was revenge, but it still didn't justify his actions. Nothing did.

"Alice?" she suddenly heard a familiar voice, but in the same time she couldn't really believe he was there.

She looked up and it was confirmed – he truly was!

"Boone!" she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"May I?" He pointed the free seat right next to her and she nodded. She also ignored the look on his face. They all seemed to know what James was doing to her and they all seemed to pity her.

Well, she was done accepting pity. She felt ready to take her life back into her own hands.

"What were you doing in Australia?" Alice asked, still stunned because really, of all the planes and all the places to be...

"I could ask you the same thing!"

"Well, it was nothing pleasant for me," she admitted. "My parents died in a car accident."

"Oh God, Alice, I'm so sorry," Boon said, truly stupefied.

"It's all right. As terrible as it sounds, they kind of died when they walked out on me all those years ago."

"Yeah, I remember Shannon mentioning something about that. They couldn't accept your boyfriend, right?"

"Fiancé, actually. There was some age difference involved."

"It really sucks. And you think that in the modern world people shouldn't have problems with such things! Actually, hundreds of years ago it was completely normal for an old man to marry a young maiden."

"Hundreds of years, hah?" Alice laughed, knowing that history wasn't Boone's strong suit. Well, at least he cheered her up.

"Or something like that." He shrugged.

"He wasn't an old man," she corrected, saddening at the memory.

"Oh, Alice, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bring up the past..." Boone apologized quickly, his smile fading away.

"It's all right. I got over it. Now... your turn. Why were you in Australia?" she wanted to know.

He sighed before he answered and that could only mean one thing – trouble with his sister.

"Shannon met some guy there. You know, same old story. She loves him and she won't come back home with me."

"That explains why I couldn't reach her when I wanted to call and tell her what happened."

"Yeah, that's typical Shannon. She can disappear just like that. But she's not that bad, you know. If only she knew..."

"She'd already be by my side, comforting me, I know," Alice admitted.

"Where did you come from?!" They heard James's voice and they looked up. Boone immediately freed the seat.

"Weird coincidence, right?" Alice asked. "It's just crazy that we're on the same plane."

"Hell, yeah, it is!" James agreed and sat down. "So, how's your little blondie sister doin'?" he asked Boone and the younger man exchanged looks with Alice. They both knew there was always more behind James's words, but his wife's best friend? Really?

"She's fine," Boone answered as though nothing happened and then reached to his pocket to retrieve his phone. "Here's Shannon's Australian number so you could reach her."

"That will be great. Thank you."

* * *

As soon as the plane landed, James took a cab straight to the police station, eager to get back to work and of course, leaving Alice like a discarded suitcase while not even asking if she was ok. Not that she cared anymore. She knew now that she never really loved James, he was just a means to an end, to feel less pain, to forget. And maybe that was wrong, too. Maybe she was supposed to feel the pain of loss. Or maybe she was just irreversibly broken. Maybe her belief in men and good and bad was just gone. Because how one could justify that such an amazing person as Richard died and James, the cheating bastard, was healthy and happy?

Alice just shook her head and dialed the number Boone had given her. She really needed to talk to Shannon.

* * *

"I don't know, I just feel like something's missing," Alice was explaining as best as she could to her best friend. They'd been on the phone for hours, but it didn't really matter. It was James's cell since he left it in his bag which then Alice took home. He would be paying for this call after she dumped his sorry ass. "Maybe I always knew it. Maybe I just needed the distraction to heal. But I'm not healed. Not really. I think... Shannon, I think there's something terribly wrong with me because how could I just attend my parents' funeral and feel _nothing_? How could I see my sister and not even feel the need to talk to her after all those years? She's my twin and she's like a stranger to me."

"It's because they were already gone, Alice," Shannon said and Alice frowned, feeling something weird stirring inside of her, but she couldn't really pinpoint what that was.

She heard the key being turned in the lock and that was James coming back from work.

"I have to go. It's time to finish this," she told Shannon.

"Take care, all right? I'll try to get home soon."

"Boone couldn't get you back and then all I do is ask over the phone and you're actually doing it?" Alice started laughing.

"Well, Boone is my sorry-ass brother who's a little too concerned about me. You accept me the way I am and I love you for that, sis. Yeah, you're my true sister and no blood connection will ever beat that."

"Amen," Alice said cheerfully, but then the smile faded away from her face when she saw James standing in the door and staring at her angrily.

"That my phone?!" he asked.

"I have to go." She hung up and threw the phone to the couch. "James, we need to talk."

"Oh, really? What do you have to say to me?" he asked like it couldn't possibly be a big deal.

"That I'm ending this?" she prompted. "I'm leaving, James. I'm sorry I let you mess with my head in the first place."

"Wait... what?" he asked with frown. "What the hell are you even talking about?"

"This thing... what is between us... this isn't marriage. It's a farce and you know it. I'm done. I am done with you going after other women and I am so done with you hunting down Sawyer!"

"How do you know about Sawyer?!" That was the one thing that picked his attention and Alice shouldn't really be surprised. He reached her and then he grabbed her arm when she tried to move away from him.

"You're hurting me!" she yelled, actually scared of him.

"What do you know about Sawyer?!" he repeated.

"That you want to hunt him down and kill him! That he's the reason you became a cop! You just didn't feel like becoming a criminal. Being a cop seemed like a better option, didn't it?! You can stand above the law and cover all your tracks! You're the officer of the law and you have access to all the needed files!"

"If you tell that to someone... I swear to God..." he started.

"You'll do, what?" she hissed, yanking her hand away. "Kill me? You know well that there are two people in this world who know me better than anyone and who care about me. They'll know immediately."

"Yeah and they're _strangers_! Boone and Shannon aren't even family!"

"Blood doesn't make family!" Alice screamed as she grabbed her purse.

"Now, what are you doing? Come back here!"

"I don't feel like being in the same apartment that you are anymore! And since it belonged to Richard and I got it, you have to move out! You have time till morning!" After that, she walked out, slamming the door. And damn, if that didn't feel good!

* * *

Jack Shephard didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't know how to talk to his son. How to be liked by him, not to mention loved. He knew he wasn't really the best dad, but he tried, he tried so damn hard! And it was difficult for a single father who usually worked crazy hours to maintain a healthy relationship with his son. It was always just the two of them since it hadn't worked with David's mother. Barely had she given birth, she'd abandoned her own son. Most of the times, times like right now, Jack felt like David never had a mother, like she was just a fleeting foggy memory. Like she never existed. It was crazy, but whenever Jack tried to remember how she looked like, he just couldn't, finding a strange blockage in his mind. It was probably because he'd exorcised her after what she'd done to David. She never existed. There was always just Jack and David. And he cared about his son so much that it killed him that David only hated him in return. He kept pushing him away and Jack didn't know anymore what to do. And this time, it was just too much.

"I hate you!" David screamed at Jack when he relayed that the boy's grandfather's coffin was misplaced by the airline and there was no body for the funeral next day.

Somehow the kid thought Jack was doing it on purpose, which of course didn't make any sense. It hurt that David had always had a better relationship with his grandfather. It hurt Jack even more to know that Christian Shephard had never taken care of him like he'd done with his grandson, as though Jack was flawed somehow, as though he didn't have what it took to please his father, to win over his attention. Needless to say, this family was complicated. And once Jack heard those hateful words coming from his only son, something inside him just broke. He needed to leave. He just needed to get away for a while, so he left David with his grandmother and went to that new club downtown. It was a very exclusive place with a bar that was actually placed in the room next to the one in which the dance floor was. It was a spot you could actually talk to someone without having to scream. Not that Jack cared right now. It was just that something told him to go there.

* * *

Jack was sitting on a bar stool, nursing a drink and thinking about his life. He was completely alone with a son in tow, mother nowhere in sight and string of failed relationships. Actually, they mostly ended before they even begun. He thought of Juliet, a doctor in the same hospital he worked in. They'd dated briefly, but he never loved her, he never felt special in her presence. She was just nice and easy on the eye, that was it and it wasn't enough to build a solid relationship. He thought that maybe he'd asked her out for David and not for himself as morbid as it sounded. She was an obstetrician and loved children and all Jack had ever wanted was to just give David the kind of a mother he deserved. And he failed every single time. And then he kept on letting his son down. He wished that something happened, something that would make him believe in magic. In that kind of magic of love that people saw in movies, read about in books and then believed in themselves, but it never happened. Not in the real world at least. He took another sip of his drink, feeling slightly buzzed. It was a good feeling, though. A few more and he'd feel much, much better. And no, he refused to think of how he could turn into an alcoholic just like his father.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed a woman. She was sitting by the bar, nursing a glass of red wine and just staring into nothing in particular. There was something about her that didn't let him stop looking. She was a brunette with a beautiful face and mesmerizing eyes, looking lonely and sad and somehow that only made her more beautiful in his eyes.

Before he even managed to think it through, he was already making his way to her, taking the free seat right next to her and asking her why she was so sad. For a moment there, he thought she would think he was crazy, but she just met his eyes and in that moment something clicked. Jack couldn't stop looking, enchanted by the strength of her gaze. It was like he knew her already even though he'd never talked to her or seen her before. He would definitely remember if he did.

They didn't even remember what they were talking about when they entered the bathroom, kissing passionately. She kicked the door shut and he turned the lock. It was a good thing he'd chosen such an exclusive place, he thought then. He wouldn't have bumped into her otherwise and they wouldn't have had such a nice bathroom.

He pushed her against the wall and pressed his body into hers to show her how much he wanted her as his hardness came in contact with her belly. She moaned as he sucked on her lower lip and then kissed her again, joining his tongue with hers, so desperate to taste her, to mark her, to just have her. And to never let her go.

He stilled, not understanding where all of this was coming from, but then he felt her lips on his neck and her hands in his pants and he stopped thinking altogether, just feeling. He couldn't seem to get enough of her and it looked like she felt the same way. It was a good thing she was wearing a dress, he decided as he ripped her tights to gain access to her underwear. Soon enough, she was done with his belt and the zip and he sprung free and once he ripped the panties off of her, too, he plunged inside, filling her in with one, fast and powerful stroke. They both groaned loudly, overwhelmed by the sensations, hands roaming all over each other's bodies, desperate to touch more and more. He pushed into her and he found himself in heaven. It was like moving in a frenzy. They didn't even know why they were doing it or how it happened, they just had to, it was inevitable. They needed to feel each other, to be together... to...

With one last stroke of him inside her, she came, powerfully clenching over him, pushing him over the edge as well and then it happened. He _fixed_ her and she opened her eyes, looking into his as they were both coming and there were those flashes.

 _An island._

 _A needle and a threat. A scar she left on him._

 _A cave-in and him kissing her._

 _Jack making desperate love to her for the first time._

 _A chopper._

 _A wedding band._

 _A baby._

Jack pulled out of her, overwhelmed and she didn't like the feeling of losing him like this. It also caused her to stop seeing those things. Those... _memories_ , she realized with a gasp, holding on to her stomach, looking for a C section scar there and finding it.

"Did you see that, too?" she asked then. His back was turned to her by now and she heard the metallic click of his belt being put back on its place. She could also see him shaking. "It felt like..." she started again, "like memories from another life. Do we know each other, Jack?"

"How..." he started and finally, he turned to look at her again and she felt fresh tears coming into her eyes. This was her Jack. Her _husband_. Her... _everything_. "How do you know my name?" he asked, confusion and fear clear on his face. "I never gave it to you."

"Don't you know it already?" she just asked, looking at him in such a way that he felt the need to escape. She knew he never was much of a believer, so she wasn't mad at him. He'd get there eventually.

"No... We don't know each other," he said when shaking his head frantically. "I need to get out of here," he then added, straightening up his suit and then he was gone, the door opening and closing behind him.

In that very moment, she knew _everything_ , _remembered_ everything. She needed to catch him before he left. She, on the contrary to him, was always a believer and that was probably why she came to terms with it all so quickly. She was scared. She was grateful, exhilarated. Grateful for this another chance, for this brief moment she was young again and could be with him.

"Jack!" she called him when leaving the bathroom, but he was already gone and people looked at her strangely. Well, no wonder, she thought, she'd just had sex with a stranger in a bathroom.

Only he wasn't a stranger. Not anymore. She actually smiled widely as she turned to the exit, earning even more glances from the people. She didn't care if she looked crazy.

Suddenly, there was a hand on her arm and she was already turning to that man, so sure she would see Jack. Only it wasn't Jack. It was Desmond.

"Hi," she gasped, remembering him as well.

"Do you _know_?" he just asked.

"I guess I do," she answered.

"Good, come with me."

* * *

Right before the concert, she went to see Shannon who must've been back from Australia by now and when the blonde opened the door for her, Alice could see that her friend knew and remembered, too. There was obvious recognition in her eyes and then tears as Shannon hugged Alice tightly and cried. Actually, they were both crying.

As Alice came inside, there was Boone, just as equally touched. She hugged him hard as well, overwhelmed by how close they'd become in this life, how he was like a brother she never had, a part of her family and how she'd barely known him back on the island. Well, some people were just meant to get to know each other and to love each other. Sayid was also there, nodding at Alice with a smile on his face before Shannon came back to his side and he put his arm around her.

When Alice sat down, both happy and sad in the same time, she remembered how Shannon died, being shot by Ana Lucia. How Boone had died before that when he'd fallen off the cliff and Jack couldn't fix him. She remembered Richard saying he loved her before he went to his death. She remembered the part of her life _here_ that she'd spent with him and her head was spinning. Somehow, she understood with her mind and her heart that he'd moved on, discovering the truth much earlier than she did and being reunited with his dead wife. Alice and Richard were never meant to be together, after all. And then Kate... Kate who died on the island for them all, who tried to stop Locke – or maybe the smoke monster since Locke was probably occupying his own body right now, looking for them all his life just like they were looking for him.

"It's time," Shannon said when getting her coat and moving to the door.

"I have one more thing to do," Alice told her with a wide smile on her face.

* * *

Her heart was beating about thousands of times per minute as she walked through the lawn to get Jack. Her love. Her life. Her completion. That complicated man of hers who couldn't let go until the only thing he was holding on to was family. And she loved him even more for that.

He was just trying to call someone, but then he put his phone away as though he could sense her coming before he even saw her. Their eyes met and she could tell he was disconcerted. She just wasn't sure if it had something to do with him _remembering_ her or the memory of fucking her in the bathroom.

"I'm sorry," he said when turning to her.

"For what?" she asked, finally stopping right in front of him.

"I..." He smiled that sweet, awkward smile of his with which he always covered his lack of knowledge of how to act, how to say or do what was right. "I never do this, you know."

"Do what?" she prompted, actually having fun.

"I don't usually push strangers against the wall and... well..."

"Take them?" she guessed.

"Um... something like that, yes." He looked down and his face actually grew red.

"It's not like it was the first time something similar happened," she said and he raised his head, looking at her in confusion again.

"I'm sorry... Why do I feel like...?"

"Like you know me? From somewhere else than the club?" she prompted.

"Yeah, that's exactly right."

"Well, Jack. If you come with me, you'll find out."

"Come with you where?"

"You'll see. Don't you trust me?" she asked when reaching her hand to him and waiting for him to take it.

The problem was that he did trust her and he couldn't understand why. He'd never seen her before. Well... there was this brief moment in which he'd seen something in his head. _A kiss_. A very first kiss with this woman, but that was just insane, wasn't it?

"Jack, you just have to let it go. Let me save you this time."

He took her hand, something inside of his chest, his heart, stilling as he heard those words. He took a leap of faith and again, something told him it wasn't the first time.

* * *

 _Why are you here right now?_

 _Why are_ you _here?_

 _This is a place that you all made together, so you could find one another..._

 _The most important part of your life is the time you spent with those people._

 _They needed you and you needed all of them._

 _Everything is real. Everything that happened to you is_ real _._

 _Why are we all here right now?_

 _There is no now, here._

 _To move on. To remember and_ to let go _._

* * *

When Alice finally dropped Jack off at the back of the church and then entered through the front herself, she couldn't stop the tears from flowing because there, they were James and Kate. Together. And she just got to them and hugged them.

She held Kate in her arms and thought about how she died, being stabbed over and over again by the Man in Black. She hugged James and thought of what a wonderful father he'd been for Clem and what a fantastic uncle he'd turned out to be for David, taking him fishing whenever Alice and Jack had wanted some alone time and everyone else had been too busy to watch their son. Alice also knew that it had been just an excuse because James had loved David like his own flesh and blood and was always eager to spend time with the boy.

"I did say once that maybe I'd be interested in you in another life, didn't I?" she asked James when he let her go. She wanted to lighten up the already heavy mood, but she was too focused on Kate just a moment ago to actually register that James's expression was terrified and that he was shaken up when she just put her arms around him. He was still awkward in her presence once they let go of each other.

"We both know you only meant it as _never_ ," he said in an unusually quiet voice when avoiding looking her in the eye. "Listen, Alice... I'm... I'm so sorry," he finally got it out and Kate discreetly moved away to give them some privacy. "I never meant to hurt you like this... This... this me... it's not who I want to be. I never wanted to do this to you. You were the one woman I always cared about."

"I know," she assured him when touching his arm, "and I understand. I forgive you, James. What happened... it was your karma because of what you did in the past life, of whom you hurt then. You didn't really hurt me now, you actually hurt yourself by doing all those things to me once you remembered who we really are."

"Yeah..." He sighed and finally dared look at her, "I talked to Locke over there and he has some pretty interesting theory of how we had to deal with some of our demons in this life in reverse. But I'm still sorry. You know that I would never... if only..." he started all over again.

"I know. I know. I was lost, too."

Finally, they smiled to each other and James took her into his arms again. Once they let go, both happy to be just best friends again, Alice looked around and located Kate hugging Claire and looking at the baby boy in the blonde's arms. Still, the blonde Alice was looking for wasn't there.

"What about...?" she started.

"Juliet?" James guessed whom she was going to ask him about. "I saw her today from a distance. She was with her sister, I guess and some blond guy. They look happy together."

"So, you didn't feel the need to talk to her?" Alice wanted to know.

"What happened, happened," he said, quoting Jack of all people. "Besides, Desmond told me she's not ready to leave just yet."

"I understand." Alice nodded when placing her hand on James's arm again and then she spotted Hugo with Libby. She absolutely had to go over to them and hug them both. She'd never gotten the chance to get to know Libby better but she knew enough about her to see that she was a good person who didn't deserve what had happened to her.

Shannon and Sayid were already there and Alice smiled to her best friend in this life and then saw Boone saying hi to Aaron. He'd never actually met the little guy until now. She then smiled to Locke and Kate again and Sun and Jin, remembering how this poor couple died and how badly both Jack and James had felt afterwards.

Finally, the door on the back of the church opened and Jack walked out, followed by his father, Christian.

Alice waited patiently until Jack was welcomed and hugged by everyone and finally, he saw her waiting for him at the end of the line and once he did, he couldn't stop looking. He walked straight over to her and took her into his arms, breathing her in, just holding her. Then he kissed her and she could feel his tears on her face.

"Honey," he said when cupping her face, finally understanding, finally remembering, "I tried so hard... I tried so hard to take care of our son here and... he just kept pushing me away."

"You can let go of that now, Jack," she told him. "You were an amazing father, remember? You were always so afraid, but you stepped right up to the challenge and you couldn't have been a better dad for David than you already were."

Jack's eyes were flooded with tears as he remembered David graduating college, giving a wonderful and inspiring speech, then getting married and then every single time he mentioned his father and what a great example he was to his son growing up. Yes, Jack would never forget it and Alice wouldn't as well. She'd been so proud of both her son and husband, so happy that they'd been so close, that they'd been such a wonderful family: she, Jack, David, Claire and Aaron, and James. And Clementine with her mother, Cassidy who'd provided more insight into Kate's life. Every information had been so important to them back there as they'd missed Kate so much.

"I love you," Jack told Alice. "And I'm sorry."

"Nothing you ever did to hurt me was actually your fault," she reminded him. "It was Jacob's, remember that."

He just nodded.

"I know," he finally admitted, "but we could have been stronger. No... _I_ could have been..."

"We were. In the end, we were stronger than anything thrown our way," she assured him. "And I love you, too, more than anything."

Jack kissed Alice one more time and then smiled to Claire when the blonde looked his way, remembering how they'd grown close and had had a great brother-sister relationship. Then he spotted Kate holding Aaron in her arms and he took Alice's hand and walked over there.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you," he apologized to Kate, but she just smiled to him.

"You've saved enough people, Jack."

Just like that, they all took their seats and Christian walked towards the door, opening them and letting the light in. Cleansing, warm light that bathed them all in happiness. The same light they'd once encountered on the island in a very special and sacred place.

And they finally moved on.


End file.
